The Small Embers of Hope (PG)

[Riarra]

Yay, a review!

I don't like the use of the first "thing". It sounds too abstract for me to describe a real object, and you use the word again at the latter part of the sentence anyway. Maybe "object"?

Oh, I see what you mean. It was a little repetitive there; I've changed it.

Why the capitalization?

Because I was referring to Rotom by type there, and types are capitalized, right?

I'm feeling a bit iffy about Charon's personality so far. He seems so robotic, transitioning from one emotion to another as if he wasn't capable of feeling both. If that's what you were going for, though, good job, but I wouldn't see why since that kind of personality is more fitting for Cyrus.

And this is the kind of thing I was talking about in the first post when I said I still had a lot to improve on. Charon wasn't meant to seem robotic at all, really; I'll have to see what I can do to fix that in later chapters (because I don't really know how to fix it at this stage in the story).

Also, why wasn't there any shock in Charon's part that he was talking to a Vulpix that can talk like humans? Or was he informed by Saturn beforehand?

It was supposed to be on his little slip of paper, and apparently I forgot to put that in there. I'll go add it in.

Apart from that, though, it's another good chapter. Ironically, the Rotom and the Purugly [whom I assume is Mars, my favorite Galactic Commander, and I was a bit disappointed she didn't appear ] have more personality than Charon. Haha.

Mars is showing up next chapter. And I will try to work on Charon.

Thank you, Dramatic Melody! This helped a lot!

 

[LegendZeke]

Sorry i haven't been on in a while. The way you expressed Rotom's feelings as a very hyper, impish character was shocking (excuse my pun).

 

[Cabbs]

This is awesome! Could you add me to the PM list, please?
This inspired my pokemon fanfic! (Not taking anything from yours, of course)
I love Purugly's personality. She seems narcissistic and really smart-alecy.

 

[Riarra]

Sorry i haven't been on in a while. The way you expressed Rotom's feelings as a very hyper, impish character was shocking (excuse my pun).

I'm glad Rotom at least came off the way I intended! (And I like puns!)

This is awesome! Could you add me to the PM list, please?
This inspired my pokemon fanfic! (Not taking anything from yours, of course)
I love Purugly's personality. She seems narcissistic and really smart-alecy.

Glad you liked it! You're added.

 

[Soberheartless]

I like this too! But one question, what is a pm list, and can you add me? I like your story and the development and the fact that the Pokemon are more in the spotlight that the humans. Vulpix ;(

 

[Riarra]

I like this too! But one question, what is a pm list, and can you add me? I like your story and the development and the fact that the Pokemon are more in the spotlight that the humans. Vulpix ;(

A PM list is the list of people who get a Private Message when the new chapter is posted (if I'm wrong somebody correct me please), and sure, I'll add you! Glad you liked it!

And, gosh, I'm sorry it's taking so long for the new chapter. Blame the end-of-year tests at my school!

 

[Riarra]

Yay, new reader! XD

A big quest to be rested on that one Pokemon's shoulders! It's funny, you seem to be replacing the protagonists role in the games with this one Pokemon. I think it's really interesting for her to obtain gifts from the lake guardian and the whole "legendaries cannot become too involved in human matters" solved the big "why don't you go and do it yourself" argument!

I just got a scene in my head with Vulpix yelling at Uxie for involving her and not doing it itself. I wasn't really aware of how Vulpix was kind of becoming the game protagonist, that's interesting (darn games, brainwashing me with the character roles!).

All of your characters have had nice distinct personalities. The galatics seemed actually menacing instead of goofy like they were in the games which was cool. The start was a little sad but it drew me in at the same time.

Yay, I've done the personality aspect right! My English classes don't develop writing skills in-depth (well, not fiction, at least), and I am really relieved that my characters aren't turning out 'flat'.

I can't wait for Vulpix's evolution, I imagine that Fire Blast would be able to wreak quite a bit of havoc!

You'll have to wait a little while for anything about evolution to come up... BUT there are Fire Stones in the Fuego Ironworks, and Team Galactic does go there in the anime...

I'm very glad you liked it, moonlightning!

And Chapter Four should be up this weekend... it's rather late, I'm sorry, my life doesn't seem to want me to write it. >_<

 

[xFurret<3x]

Cool
i like how you write what the pokemon actually are saying, not just their names.

I can't wait for the next chapter lol

 

[FieryLucario]

Great fan fic so far. I like that Vulpix can talk. I also like that the Pokemon have personalities.

 

[sama]

I LOVE IT! please put me one the PM list!

 

[StarMasterWarrior]

i demand to be on the PM list.

 

[Riarra]

It seems like I got a few new readers while my Internet was down (actually, it's still down; I snuck on to my brother's computer today)!

Cool
i like how you write what the pokemon actually are saying, not just their names.

I can't wait for the next chapter lol

Great fan fic so far. I like that Vulpix can talk. I also like that the Pokemon have personalities.

Glad you liked it!

I LOVE IT! please put me one the PM list!

i demand to be on the PM list.

All right, you're both added.

I'm really sorry about how late Chapter Four is; my summer's been busier than I expected. I think I'm about three quarters of the way through it, and I'll get it up as soon as possible.

 

[leafstormfire]

Nice! I like it a lot, especially that the Pokemon can talk.

Can I be added to the PM list?

 

[sama]

1) When Will Chapter 4 be up?
2) This is what I suggest~
(IMG)http://www.google.com/imgres?q=eeve...86&start=46&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:46(/IMG)