The Song of Life (One-Shot; Poem)

[Thanatos]

Hi everyone. This is an improved version of an older fic which I posted on these boards before. I realised that I left very abruptly before, but I have returned for the time being. Some of you may have read this one-shot and some of my other work, and I will be posting those again as well.

By the way, I am pretty sure I owe some reviews, so drop me those PMs to say hi, ok?

This will regretfully probably be the only poem I can post as of now, as I am holding the rest back due to copyright issues for publishing. This one has been posted on a public domain before, so posting it again will result in no further ramifications.

Anyway, many companion pieces have been written for this poem. "Justice", "Choice", "The Power of Goodbye", and other abstract notions. TSoL is my favourite, and is still a continuing source of inspiration for myself, and hopefully those who take the time to read it for the first time will feel that in some way too, and that those who have read it before will love (or hate) it as before. Thanks!


She:

When I was but a little girl
I looked at my grandma; asked her
All about the world

She said: Sweetie, look into my eyes
For where there was rustling grass
Vanilla skies

There are crippling heartaches
Burdened sighs
These eyes have grown cold, old
And wearily wise.

--

Run with the wind, dive into the hay
Make no sense of the ills to come
Nor care beyond the day.

Let trouble never leave you numb
Or worry cross your eyes
Thought would destroy your paradise.

Never exchange the unexplored wonders of youth
For the emotional pinions of truth.

--

Now that those days
Are confined to the eternal past
Pray tell what life has in store for us
And this journey we have taken together

Will we lose our ways
Both lost to external dusk
But how would it really matter
If to each other our souls forever tether?
--

He:

In the very old and the very young
The song of the angels is loudest among
Hai, it is life’s greatest irony
To in youth search for truth
And yet in truth regretfully yearn
For the innocence of youth

To youthfully learn and discern
That life, in all the facets it can be
Is an unrivalled thing to see—

To see the sky in an irradiated dew
To see time in a wizened yew
To see love in a bodied rose
To see life in a meandering prose
Something you can only do childishly

--

She:


Tell me about Sun, River and Earth
How the Hyena got its mirth
Tell me about the eternal Hope

Why you leave me in suspended girth
Tell me why I must henceforth
Evermore in darkness grope
--

He:


About Sun, River and Earth I cannot tell
For their stories in timeless dwell
Many stories indeed I cannot say
For they would take longer than eternity and a day
Skip the race between dove and swallow I must
And the songbirds’ battle on the plain of whistling grass


--

There was once a quaint little town
On which Death would always frown
Over yonder hills and far away
Through unraveled mists and Father Time’s sway

Its name was lost from memory
For all, it should have been Tragedy
It was in May, a bright summer day
Beset by tumultuous affray

War, Famine, Pestilence and Death
Four horsemen of the Apocalypse
With bow, scale, warmongering lust
Verdant fields died into windswept heaths,
Mortar walls ground into pale dust.

Yet sorrow did not, could not cloud any face
For which mortar is stronger than faith?
They lit candles in the darkest hours of night
Banishing shadows and stilling fright
Bathing faces in flickering light

That is the story of hope, an ever-brightening ray
Even as the skies turn an angrier shade of grey

--

I must go, I cannot tarry
For indecision,
Time and tide have no mercy.
You have your part; I have mine
There is no question,
Our roles in life can never marry.

--

She:

A truth, though in good intent
Beats all the lies you could invent
Woe that my place is with family and home
While yours is with the sky as your dome
Knowing what is about to pass
I would give anything for this day to last

--


He:

We are like leaves, riven from a tree
Completely hapless at the Winds’ mercy

When the East wind rises in strength
Westwards we thus bank

When the West wind rises, making us veer
Eastwards we then steer

If the winds equal in strength contend
Mid-air we will thus suspend

In life no matter which way we choose to fall
We oft have no say in it at all

--

She:

Even as the days of divinest love perish
Among the throes of slumbered passion
My life’s bliss in memories I will cherish
Even bound by chains of every fashion

By bog knee deep, by Decembers wild
By life’s lowly purpose, and dark exile

No matter where the cold winds blow
Whether whistling through forest or coral atoll
Whether they buffet or they brutally shrill
If you should fall, catch you I will

--

He:

As you walk down Life’s beaten thoroughfare
God will be your guide, and love your shield
In the zenith of joy and the nexus of despair
Look below, for my footprints will be next to you

--

She:

Alas, the sweetest of honeys from any bee
Would seem like the bitter juice of Impossibility
I pray that the River of Hope spills its banks
And brings you back safe and soon to me

--

Are you not akin to a hermit crab
Forced to search for life’s best fit
I wish I could magick: Abracacabra Abracadab
And have you this journey thus forfeit

Home is large infinitely over again
To size it up would merely be a vision vain
Home is a concept abstractly divine
Of familial ties uniquely thine

Home is simply where you come to the door
And for you the door is always ajar
Where weal and woe are one and the same
Where worldly sorrows are by love effaced

--

As you journey into the darkness between stars
If ever in Night’s foliage lost you are
Amidst vacant nest and silent song
Amidst a snowfall lingering ever long

Look where your heart would have you
For I will light a candle, waveringly true
Resplendent across pitch dross and shadowed loam
To help you find your way back home

--

He:

Home is where the heart is

Through hoary mountains and Winter’s grasp
Through Autumn’s leafy blanket and Summer’s gasp
Through Spring’s vibrancy and Mystery’s cloak
Through crumbling castles and murky moat

Through forest’s cradle and yawning cave
Through windy coast and hero’s grave
Through neighbour’s hedge and noxious sedge
Through looming shadow and sprawling meadow

Home will always be where the heart is

--

She:

May you then encounter every creature of every size
Whether hippopotamus, turtle, or rhinoceri
May you walk unmolested through mountain and plain

Whether wyrm, serpent or dragon in your way lie
May you accomplish all deeds great and small
Yet return as you were before

--


He:

I will return with every sort of tale

How the dog had a flagon of ale
And ended up chasing its tail

About the toad which killed a fly
And became the spider’s enemy

How the whippoorwill got its cry
And resounds ever so chillingly

How the unicorn got its horn
And the tarpan’s jealous scorn

How the monkeys celebrate strife
But yet never forgive the hunter’s knife

The story of Water-- the ugly truth, the beautiful lie
The view from the top of every mountain nigh

The love story of Sun and Moon
That makes lovers cry and poets swoon

I will return, hearty and hale
And regale you with every sort of tale

--

She:

I hope you conquer the azure mountains in the distance
Never take, but never fear, the path of most resistance
Hear the cry of every hunted hare
Wear the shimmering stars in your hair
I hope all your hopes and dreams take wing
And that for you the cherubs heavenly sing

--

He:

Look into the stars at night, for there you will see me
Look into your heart when you are lonely, for there you will feel me
Our paths diverge here, and I will glimpse you across the sky
For you cannot change, and nor can I

--

She:

Dark waters under the bridge
Reflect my melancholic woe

But with the truth that I now know
Through life I can happily go
Looking across Infinity’s moor
Waiting at Eternity’s door

Even without intervention divine
In every mournful pine I see a rosy twine
In every dark cloud a silver line

Yet how would a single man
Make a difference in this world
You could not still the sand
Or stall the maelstrom’s whirl

--

He:

You see this caterpillar
I just returned to the tree?
Our actions resonate further
Than we can presently see

A flutter-ly, a flitter-by
Twin wings flash glittery
No matter how minor it may seem
It made a world of difference to him

--

She:

A caterpillar I must then be
For you have made a world of difference to me
I will hang my harp on yonder weeping willow tree
And pray the world goes fair with thee
For you have made a world of difference to me

--

 

[bluwirz]

Nice! Love how it flows smoothly and with nice word choice! Thumbs up and a five!

-bluwirz;026;

 

[Saffire Persian]

I always liked this poem, and was rather surprised to see it suddenly posted back up, as you can imagine.

I still, of course, enjoyed re-reading this one all over again. It's a very nice poem and I always liked its structure - the alternating lines of 'he' and 'she' speaking.

Welcome back, in any case.

 

[Thanatos]

Hey Saffire! Yeah I feel most emotionally attached to this one, even though I managed to write a whole slew while I was away. I added a couple of stanzas too, and made some changes. You feel it reads better now than before?

I am reposting the little fic about Astor and company too, so perhaps you can join me there when possible? I finished the fic already, and it is looooong.

Nice! Love how it flows smoothly and with nice word choice! Thumbs up and a five!

Thanks mate. Hmmm, any critique? I know that some of the lines are still a little weaker than the rest, but I needed to get a message across, and could not find a way to tweak sufficiently.

 

[Sammi]

*_* If you saw my other review, be prepared for less crazyness. I have calmed down.

Very.. Long. Teh choice of words was absolute exellence. You're very expirienced aren't you? I think you are! :3

The He and She was really cool. It caught my eye. Critique... Hm... No... Not anything... Oh wait, some words I don't comrehend. But, that's not exactly bad. o.o;; It's only me.

Tether

What's that? o.o;; Erm... I'm still a child! XD

 

[Thanatos]

Teh choice of words was absolute exellence.

There is still some room to improve this, though. I can't seem to work out how to iron out a couple of weaker lines without changing my content.

The He and She was really cool.

That would be one of the reasons why this is the poem I like best! =D

Tether

By convention, it a tether is a cord that binds and anchors objects together. It can be used as a verb too, and right in this work it is used in an abstract form.

Thanks for looking! I will be looking through your stuff too. Give me some time, ok?

 

[katiekitten]

I remember when I read this the first time... *reminisces for a while* XD

As great as it was before, if not better. =D The catipillar metaphor at the end was really nice. =D

You've written more? *boogies* I can't wait to read them!

The only thing I can say, is that for some reason, I found the 'I have a golden ticket!' verse tune of the earlier version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory running through my head throughout. XD

And on your question in the other thread... I've rewritten it. :x XD I got a wake up call from Negrek and sorted out the beginning. Still needs sorting, actually... *notes it on to do list* XD

 

[Yami Ryu]

It's good and all that as everyone has pointed out before. But what I am gonna poke at, which everyone seems to have turned a blind eye to. Among it all I see no mention of pokemon. True animal species yes, pokemon no. So why, oh why is this lovely poem in the 'Fanfiction' forum for pokemon stories, when it's not a pokemon related subject? :/

 

[Thanatos]

I remember when I read this the first time... *reminisces for a while* XD

Haha. Thanks for being so warm about the whole thing. I hope the edits and stuff made it better.

You've written more? *boogies* I can't wait to read them!

Yeah I have. This one is still my personal favourite, but some of the tie-ins are pretty sweet too, maybe even better, but this one holds a special place.

The only thing I can say, is that for some reason, I found the 'I have a golden ticket!' verse tune of the earlier version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory running through my head throughout. XD

That show was weird! Maybe not weird, but quirky. The remake with Depp was not too good, though. Never did the book any justice. Wonder if we will ever see Knids on screen?

And on your question in the other thread... I've rewritten it. :x XD I got a wake up call from Negrek and sorted out the beginning. Still needs sorting, actually... *notes it on to do list* XD

I am sure that it will be great when it is ready. Feel free to PM me or anything letting me know?

And thanks, katie.

 

[Sike Saner]

Oh, yes, I remember this. ^^ Yet as I was reading it, I thought that there was a little something unfamiliar about it, too. And then, I read the review responses and found out that you had made a couple of additions and revisions, so that expalined that. I’d say that was a good idea, btw. Made for kind of a nice little surprise for the re-reading. =)

Again, I have to say that the command of language shown here is great seriously. There was a lot to like, and the following is the part that I presently like the most:

As you journey into the darkness between stars
If ever in Night’s foliage lost you are
Amidst vacant nest and silent song
Amidst a snowfall lingering ever long

Look where your heart would have you
For I will light a candle, waveringly true
Resplendent across pitch dross and shadowed loam
To help you find your way back home

That’s just really nice. ^^


So yeah, I was definitely glad to see this return. Boss work, this. Boss work, indeed. ^^

 

[+Rhapsody+]

This is absolutely beautiful. The flow of the words was like music, and I have to say that I felt like singing after I read that.

However, there were some instances where the flow was slightly interrupted, or I expected a rhyming word but there wasn't one. And I know that for a poem of this length and prose, it is quite difficult to find words. So don't take my criticizm to heart very much.

Overall, that was amazing. It portrays the concept of life very clearly, and does it in a unique way. I'm glad I found time to read and review.

 

[Thanatos]

Sike:

Thanks for remembering the old version. It is heartening to know that you actually know the old one enough to realise that there were actually differences. That passage you quoted was actually a newer edit too.

Rhapsody:

Yeah some portions need a little tweaking. However, this work is supposed to be told as a story as much as a poem, and thus I needed to get some content across, and hence the sacrifice. For non-rhyming words, I use a free-form approach, and many times a poem is not about the rhyming, but rather the use of the language as an aesthetic tool. Some of the rhyming was subtle, like between "small" and "before" or between "same" and "effaced".

In any case, take a look at the review I did for your one-shot too.

 

[Flaming Lip]

You had some beautiful ideas, and some beautiful metaphores, but now, reading it a second time, I think the poem suffers from your word choice. Somehow, while reading this, I kept thinking, "Man, this would sound so much more powerful through simplification."

And its true, the advanced words you use to ultamately describe life end up being lost in translation. It has no real effect that benifits the reader, and just seems a slight bit pompous. A more simplified, stripped down poem would of sounded more human, and I think sounding human would've made this poem easier to warm to.

Its hard to explain, but there's something hollow about the poem that causes the meaning to be lost.

 

[Thanatos]

Matter of opinion, Flaming Lip. I recall you are a poet yourself. I was inspired by the poets of old, and thus you will see that some of their style, superflous writing and terminology have rubbed off. From Tolkien to Dickinson to Bronte, most poets of that era write using a broken syntax, adn trust me, they get even more grandiose with their writings. A poem being deliberately dumbed down does not make it more powerful, in my opinion, it simply makes it less ambitious. Well, we are all entitled to opinions, and I respect your opinion, as you would know. I simply hope that you could see from my point of view as well.

 

[Flaming Lip]

I didn't neccesary mean "dumb down," but, I suppose, that if you think its better like that, I can't really argue with it. But complex metaphores used with broken syntax and superflous writing can get somewhat confusing.

I guess it does work here, a little more than I might've let on when I reviewed it earlier, but I can't see it working on less grandiose poems. :/

 

[Thanatos]

Well, I believe I dod not represent my opinion as clearly as I should have. What I meant was that a style should be expressed fully, especially with something expressive such as poetry, which also lingers upon the beauty of the language. Suppression to cater to modern linguistic trends should not be suffered on anyone who writes poetry. That was what I meant. I apologise.

Yes, I agree that syntax not in conjunction can lead to breaks at times, but they also lend a unique rhythm to the poem. As I have said, my inspirations were poets like Dickinson, who was famed for her usage of broken syntax. here is an example:

The cricket sang,
And set the sun,
And workmen finished, one by one,
Their seam the day upon.

The low grass loaded with the dew,
The twilight stood as strangers do
With hat in hand, polite and new,
To stay as if, or go.

By modern standards, that would not work. however, who is to argue against the fact that broken syntax can work in poetry? It is simply another angle from which we must look from.

As for the style suiting the theme or the theme suiting the style, older english added to convoluted syntax pulls off grandeur well, and hence my choice. Of course I would not use such a representation for mundane aspects of life.