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The Story of a Slave

T

Tyranotar

Guest
I got the idea from a writing job application. Why I was even THERE at age 14 I don't know, but truth be told it doesn't matter now.

Prologue

Mine is not a story for those with weak stomachs. Before I begin I must warn you - there is nothing ANY of you can do to even HOPE to understand the ordeal I've been through in my short time. My name is #4176, and this is my... no. My name is not #4176. Not anymore. My name is... Amber. My name is Amber, and this is my story.

A gust of sand lashed at my sweat-soaked face. The glare of the wretched sun was blinding me, and the fireball itself was solidifying the mud that covered me. I was weak and weary, though it was only midday, and there was still much work to be done. I sighed as I trudged through the deep mud towards the next berry tree.

I was born into slavery. That was thirteen years ago. I'd learned to show more respect for the masters than I had for myself. That was just the way it was, and the way it was always going to be. The masters also taught us not to escape. There was a tall fence surrounding the plot of rocky land, but they told us it wasn't necessary. The blistering heat of the Desert Ruins was all that we could hope to face, even if we did make it past the fence. So day after day, we worked. The masters protected us from the elements, and in turn we worked for them.

That's what they told us, anyway. That's what we were forced to believe. In exchange for their "hospitality", we harvested berries to be crafted into Pokeblocks for the masters' Pokemon. I sighed to myself as I picked the small red orbs, one by one, and dropped them into my hand-woven basket. I didn't see the stealthy creature creeping up behind me.

"Shuppeeet!" it squealed, startling me enough to drop my basket full of little red berries.

"Ugh," I groaned, "why do you always have to cause trouble?" The ghost Pokemon smiled broadly, and flittered its eyelids rapidly. A roar from overhead shook the purple thing senseless, its big blue eyes widening a good deal bigger. It squealed in surprise and disappeared in a flash of shadows.

The enormous green Pokemon landed just a few yards away from me. I could see the anger in its compound red eyes as its twin green horns swayed in the desert breeze. Astride the Flygon was one of the masters.

Dominik's spiky black hair remained utterly motionless, though the desert wind attempted to disturb it. I, personally, was amazed he could maintain such a pale complection in the blistering desert heat. He wore his signature dark violet cloak, underneath which lay a black leotard and skintight black pants. The man had a thing for darkness.

"Do I even want to know why the berries are sinking in the sand?" he snarled. I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off. "Don't waste my time, scum. Get back to work before my dragon has to rile another sandstorm."

The Flygon snarled in an equally poisonous manner as its rider, and took off. What a jerk, I thought darkly. I scooped up the berries. As I stood up, I noticed my mother strolling towards me.

Unlike the masters and their officiates, we slaves wore little clothing except for tattered hand-me-down rags. She had a tan complection, tanner than I, and was a head taller. Her dark brown hair was covered in mud and draped around her shoulders.

"Having trouble?" she asked sweetly.

"No, I've got it."

"You don't want to be here," her tone changed as suddenly as the topic.

"Does anyone?"

"Doubtful. Listen, I can help you escape here. For good."

The many years of slavery must have been getting to her, but I was willing to listen anyway.

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This is only a prologue, so don't flame me on the lack of description... there'll be more in the first chapter.
 
F

Familiar

Guest
Hmm, can't really give it a review because there's not much to review...the writing is nice and the idea is original. I'll be looking to see more in Chapter 1
 

Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
Tyranotar said:
This is only a prologue, so don't flame me on the lack of description... there'll be more in the first chapter.
LMAO, what lack of description? The description was pretty damn good.

The idea was original, entertaining and has good suspence. Not many bad things i can point out.

I can just imagine the dusty deserts in the blistering heat, and the way the slaves had been trecking through mud.

I want to read on a little, but I guess that's wierd since I like short chapters, I am likely to read chapter 1.

Well done.
 

icemew

Banned
I agree, you've got great description. The only thing I notice is that the narrator seems really...sarcastic, kind of, and it feels a bit too extreme, but that might just be me. Besides that, really good, and definitely original. I wonder why Amber's mother is saying this all of a sudden? And I wonder what's outside the area.
 
T

Tyranotar

Guest
Well, I'm glad you all like it :) This is a rather short chapter though...

Chapter One

I always knew my mother was psychotic, but I never thought she'd take it up to this level. I mean, was she completely insane? The last person who tried to escape was taken away, so far away that the only trace of him are the rumors of what happened, and even those are dying out. As my mother finished telling me her plan, my mouth got the best of my brain.

"Er, I think you've been out in the sun too long today."

"Oh, nonsense, sweetie," she said as naturally as possible, but I can tell she was struggling to maintain her nice tone, "just as long as we go at night, no one will notice!"

"But what if they do? What if everything goes wrong and we're caught? What then, huh?"

"We won't be caught." She dropped the subject there. "Oh, and if you need anything, find me, kay?" she added when she noticed more than a few people were eavesdropping. With that, she quickly trotted off.

"Oh, darnit!" I exclaimed to myself as I realized my I'd never picked up my basket, and only the handle protruded from the dunes. I dug it to the surface and dumped the wretched sand out. I dropped the dust-covered berries into it, and went back to picking.

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After a rather uneventful day, we returned to our quarters, stomachs still empty. After all, our rations of one slice of bread every morning and evening weren't exactly filling. The housings themselves were three-walled, and had ceilings full of holes. Myself and the other few dozen people pulled the worn blankets from the crudely constructed shelves and found a place to sleep for the night. The blankets themselves were dotted with tears and holes, and their color was virtually indistinguishable; it had faded many years ago.

I found a rather uncomfortable patch of sand to rest in (the quarters had no floors) and draped the blanket over my shoulders. The cloth was too small to fully cover me, after all.

I was almost asleep when I felt something wet across my forehead. I cracked my eyes open to find that pathetic Shuppet licking me. Disgusting creature, I thought to myself as I sat up. Then something nudged me from behind that almost made me scream.

"It's time, honey!" my mother told me, rather cheerfully, "We're finally going to get out of here!" I opened my mouth to protest, but she placed her finger over my lips and pulled me to my feet. As the others slumbered, we crept out through the open wall, and into the night.

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Cool maybe some day you will be a goold writer.
What's that supposed to mean? :)
 

Demy

Well-Known Member
Could the Shuppet like Amber ? i will have to wait and se i give it 4/5 so far
 

Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
Good next chapter. The main improvement I can think of is a couple of typos.
"Oh, and if you need anything, find me, kay?"
I think that needs an apostraphe.

Other than that, try to make chapter 2 a bit longer.

It is still very impressive, you kept up the description when you talked about the house.

I preferred the prologue, but if chapter 2 is longer it'll be the best so far. :)

Looking forward to next chapter.
 
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