Location: At home in Corsica. Napoleon is nine years old.
Giovanni: Ah, my son! I have some rather exciting news for you!
Napoleon: What is it dad?
Giovanni: Well, your mother and I have decided…you’re going to military school!
Napoleon: Say whaaaaaaaat. Why me out of all your offspring? Why not Joseph?
Giovanni: We feel you’re a bit more…how should I say this, uh…smarter than them
Napoleon: Thanks for the compliment, I think.
END SCENE
Location: The French Military School, Napoleon is spending his first day in class.
Napoleon (to himself): Why are these people twice my age and size? Either I’m extremely smart or they’re complete nincompoops. Anyway, I feel flattered.
Jerkface #1: Hah, who’s the new squirt?
Teacher: His name is Napoleon Bonaparte, and he’s only nine. Can you believe that?
Jerkface #2: He doesn’t even look like he’s from France. I bet he’s like, Spanish or something.
Jerkface #1: He seems Italian to me.
Napoleon: Yeah, you’re right. Born on the island of Corsica, on the island is where I spent most of my days. If I may ask, what are you?
Jerkface #1: We’re French you doofus, all of us are. Our parents make enough gold and silver to send us here.
Jerkface #2: I should ask you the same question. You aren’t French, or look like you have any gold or silver.
Napoleon: I think they would have the money, I mean, look at where I’m at. I guess my dad just wanted the Bonaparte’s to have a name, and I was their best candidate.
Jerkface #1: Well, it seems we have someone a, not French, b, barely noble, and c, an easy target.
SLAP FIGHT COMMENCES
END SCENE
Location: Graduation
Teacher: Wow, you’re only 16, and you’re done with military school. You seem to have had excelled in artillery and math, while graduating at the top of the class. Congratulations!
Location: French Army Base in Toulon
Napoleon: I order you to pick up the guns.
S1: I’m not taking orders from this 16 year old, when I’ve been here for 10 years. Go play with your ball-in-a-cup.
S2: I won’t take orders from small fry over here either.
Napoleon: Guyyyyysssss…
Soldiers walk away and Napoleon is greeted by the General.
General: I order you to take control of this army while I uh, go for reinforcements…yeah.
S1: Man, were going to lose another battle, like AP’s football team.
S2: I don’t know why he’s putting him in charge but guess it’s worth a shot.
Napoleon: Everyone is counting on me to lose. But have a good some strategies that I’m going to use. I order my army to attack Toulon at night, head east.
Soldiers Run.
END SCENE
Napoleon: I hereby order a new slogan of a new regime, better security and efficiency, equally and frequently to restore economic profits, new industries and building new canals. But I’m not going to get involved with the Revolutions of France, I also want to make peace with the CC and recognize religion and also make jobs open to any type of town this new slogan is the Napoleonic code. At this time, I will now empress my love, Josephine.
Josephine: Yes, finally! I have loved you for so long, and we are now Emperor and Empress of France!