I'm an honors student. I'm naturally excellent in math and reading, so passing the placement test for my schools dual enrollment program last year was no problem; even my fellow honors students were impressed by my grades. Things were looking up for me. I had some of the best classmates in the school(since most of the annoying ones couldn't place themselves in an honors class), and I was able to get a head start on college credits.
My Junior year came, and I was half correct; one of those two classes was great. My English 101 class had us working on laptops in the classroom, doing the college work from online. I was responsible for my own work, and I was scoring very well on my papers. There was a teacher in the classroom, yes, but there was also a teacher from the college who we interacted with online, and I really respected him. He procrastinated on grading, which annoyed my classmates, but he really knew what he was doing. I also loved the content that I was being taught; I hated writing autobiographies, stories about myself, and poems that elementary, middle, and high schools are so obsessed with, so actual academic writing was just what I needed.
My math class, however, was terrible. I could my teacher gave unreasonable homework, which is true. I could say my teacher was overly strict about the stupidest things(how you sit in your chair, for instance), which is also true. I could say my teacher didn't believe in promoting thinking skills, and only believes in working yourself to death to be successful, and that is especially true. She is the most unreasonable women I have ever dealt with. She's super friendly outside of the classroom, but inside of the classroom, she's a beast. I can't even take my own notes the way I want to. I can't even sit in my chair the way I want to. I passed the class with a B, but I actually had several emotional breakdowns from the stress she's generated for me. On more then one instance I broke down in the shower in tears; I hadn't cried sense Elementary school, but that lady broke me. My grades in all of my classes suffered as I grew more tired with the school year. My English grade when from an A to a B, my Chemistry from an A to a C(though my Chemistry teacher had his own problems, which really didn't help), ect.
But was I smart enough to say no to the the pre-calculus class next semester? Nope. I thought it wouldn't be bad, because we were promised we'd be working with computers the same way the English class I had cherished so much did. Turns out something went wrong, and that wasn't the case. I was stuck with her again; no one from the college, just that lady again. And as it seems, she's stressing herself out just as much as she's stressing her students out. Last Friday, she literally yelled at one of the best students in the school. That kid is a strait-A student, and I'd say he's easily the greatest student in our class. He keeps getting As on her test, even though she might take away points for the silliest reasons(apparently there's only one proper way to prove an equation. According to her, at least.), he turns in all of his homework, despite how tedious she makes it(I don't need to prove I can solve a triangle 30 times in one sitting!), and he still has time for other projects one top of that. And she yelled at him in class!
But I'm not dealing with the stress by crying this time; oh no, I've gone on the defensive mode. When I'm at home, I only have two ways I can deal with this stress; freak out over it or not think about it.
Last semester I dealt with it by freaking out. This semester, I've started ignoring it, and this new found apathetic attitude is not working well for me at all. I'm having a very difficult time keeping my grades up, and I have an even harder time keeping myself motivated to keep my grades up. My current grade in that class is a D, and we're reaching the end of the semester very quickly. My American History grade isn't looking so hot either, but I just can't focus on school work when I've got my terrible, terrible math teacher on my mind. The only homework I've been able to get done is homework I've done at school.
My classmates are sick of her as well. My homeroom teacher asked us if we were taking her the honors class next semester as well. Another honors student asked if it was the same math teacher, and when we got a "yes", she and another honors student kept bashing her until the class ended. And remember that classmate who I mentioned got yelled at? Everyone was silent at the time, but in Band class afterwards, I my classmates expressed their anger very clearly.
Yes, I'm in part to blame for my own grade for not taking my homework seriously anymore; but at the same time, I've never hated a math class this much. I want to enjoy the material being taught. I love math. I just can't stand it with my current teacher. She's literally told us we can't enjoy life if we want to be successful; this lady is in some serious need of Taoist philosophy.
I feel hopeless whenever I take a math test. I know the material I'm being taught. I understand it, and I understand how it works. Even when she does a terrible job at explaining it, I just have to look at an example in a book and I get it. But when I take a test, I always get a D. Always. There's no retakes either. How am I messing this up? I've always been great at test; they're how I got into that class in the first place. I have like, two classmates who always get As somehow. But not a lot.
I've dug myself into a whole because of the stress she's causing me. Now the semester is reaching an end, and I've got a crap-ton of makeup work I need to do to get my grades up in Math and my other homework-happy class(US-History). Though I'm not sure if she'll actually take make-up work. She's been kind of unclear about it, and I have trouble asking her because of my crippling social anxieties and the knowledge that she'll chew me out in front of the class if I ask here directly.
Should I mention last semester she mentioned that she put on my report card that she had to make accommodations because of my "learning disability"? Because she didn't. I don't even need accommodations in math. My one-and-only disability is in communication, not numbers. Unless calling me out in front of the class because I'm not writing anything down when she wants me to is accommodating to that; but I'm pretty sure it isn't. I was actually extremely offended by this, because I pride myself in my math skills, and I never once asked(or obtained) any form of accommodation from her.
I don't know where I'm going with this any more. But I feel kind of hopeless now. I don't think there's enough time for me to bring my grade up. I'm embarrassed. I hold myself to a high standard, and I haven't been able to reach it. I wanted to pass as one of the top students in my school, and it really looked like I was going to at first, but I've been broken. I just feel far too apathetic towards my grades now, because it doesn't feel like they're worth the effort to me anymore. And now, I think it's too late for me to do anything about it, because the college semester ends earlier then the high school one.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I'm just far more stressed then I have ever been in my life, and probably more then I will ever be in my life. I'm usually a pretty laid back person, so it takes a lot to break me like this.
Oh, and you know what really stings?
She's got the school's teacher of the year award.
I was literally offended by this.
I just can't take anymore of this. I wish it wasn't too late to turn back....
