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The Tale of Luke-A story of revenge, death, and a hero.

~Cosmic~

The Plot Thickens
This is my first fan fic ever. Please post how i can make it better!
I just have the prologue right now, I'll get ch. 1 up asap.

Prologue-Death

Billions of years ago, the world was peaceful. Humans were not in existence. Only Pokemon ruled. Pokemon were creatures who are found in different parts of the world, creatures that are not so different from us. There are almost 500 species of Pokemon. There was just one of every pokemon (except Giratina), and the planet was in eternal peace. There was pure water, crisp mountains, beautiful skies...The Pokemon froliced by day, and partied at night. There was no fear, no hate, no shadows. Even the Ghost and Dark type Pokemon enjoyed life! And it was good.

Or so they thought...

Long ago, a certain Pokemon angered Aruseus, the Creator. He was a large, centaur-like creature, with flowing white hair. Aruseus watched over the world, his world. He cast upon that foolish Pokemon what no one had ever seen: death. So angry was The Creator, that he cast this curse upon all the Pokemon on Earth! As the Pokemon died, their hatred and evil built in a dimension opposite Aruseus's. He was lonely when all the Pokemon were dead. He cast the cycle spell on the world, so Pokemon could have offspring, and die, continuing the circle of life. Aruseus thought nothing off the spirits he killed off so long ago. This was a mistake he would soon come to regret...

In the other dimension, the spirits were plotting revenge. They would stop at nothing to destroy Aruseus and slay all other Pokemon! The spirit dimension was the complete opposite of Aruseus's realm: murky water, dark mountains, wilted forests...All who ventured there didn't return, and even if they did, they were changed forever. An unknown force was controlling the brave adventurers, but who could it be? The hell-bent force had dormant powers, stored up for eons to come. The spirit world was inhabited by Dark and Ghost type Pokemon. The dimension was ruled by the mighty Darkrai, a black, devil-like Pokemon with flowing white hair not so different than Aruseus's. He had the ability to sneak his way into people's dreams, and torture them in the night. Many of his victims never woke up. Darkrai was known as the Lord of Darkness, but no one ever suspected that something larger and darker was at work. Even he had no idea. But someone knew.

A Pokemon named Yonowahru. He was tall, gray, and muscular, almost like a genie. Yonowahru received transmissions from them from time to time, but no one believed his statements, saying that the other side was in peace. Yonowahru came from a long line of his kind, and his family was always trusted with communicating with the spirit world. Why would no one trust him? Everyone said that he was a liar.

They were wrong. That mistrust would be the thing that would end the rule of Pokemon.

Forever.

Chapter 1: Visions
Present day

Flames. Flames were all that he could see. Flames and suffering. Everything was going up in them. He took his eyes off the fire for minute and noticed he was...different there were spikes coming out of the back of his hands. He felt his stomach. Hair? His species didn't have hair. Certainly not yellow hair...
The child saw his friends, writhing in agony as the fire engulfed them, turning them into mere ashes.
No...No... He thought, but he couldn't speak. The child's mouth wouldn't move. "Nnnn..." was all he could make out. It was the only sound he could make before he was engulfed by the flames...

Luke woke up with a jolt. He saw that he was panting heavily. Luke felt wet. He was sweating like crazy. he held his head in his hands. "It's just a dream. Just a dream, Luke." Luke was a species of Pokemon known as "Rioru". Rioru had small, pointy ears, blue tails, and two strands of tear shaped hairs on the back of his head. Luke was rather like a raccoon. He walked to the door of his treehut, staring out over the quarry his tiny community lived in. Luke put his hand to the ground. Rioru had the power to hear the pulses of other beings. He sensed no one. With that reassurance, he sighed and continue to say to himself "It was just a dream. Don't worry about it, Luke. It's fine. Just a dream."
"Just a dream, eh?" a voice from in the hut asked.
Luke flinched. He didn't feel this creature's pulse? He put his hand to the ground. Nothing. Luke was amazed. "Who are you?" he whispered to the figure, as it was night. "Isn't it proper to introduce yourself before asking questions?"
"Oh, yes, so sorry, my name is-" The figure cut him off:"I know who you are, no need for introductions."
"Wait, didn't you just-never mind..." Luke dropped it. "NOW can you tell me who you are, and what the hell you're doing here?"
"Yes, I suppose..." The figure stepped-or rather, floated-out of the shadows. He was tall, gray, and muscular. The creature had one red eye, and a yellow antennae like object sticking out of his head. There were eyes and a mouth on his stomach, and he seemed to talk through the one on his stomach. "MY name...is Yonowahru. I have been receiving transmissions from the spirit world. They are planning an attack on your world. You must inform Grandmaster Aruseus."
Spirit World? Attacks? The Grandmaster? Everyone knows Grandmaster Aruseus lives in an unknown place beyond
Spear Pillar. How would Luke get there?
"Why can't you do it, Yonowahru?" Luke wondered.
"I am getting weak...I cannot do something like that. You are of a powerful species. You must do it. You have no choice. If you fail...The world will become like your dream."
Luke was horrified. Like...My dream? "I'll do it."

Chapter 2 coming soon!
 
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Legendary star

Well-Known Member
That'a a really good prologue, but I think it needs a little more detail.
 
Ok, you really need to make this thing longer and less rushed. Any good prologue or chapter should be at least a page long rather than two paragraphs. I like the idea. Not a hint of cliche! ^_^ Be a litte more decriptive. What did Aruseus look like? What the heck is a Yonowaaru? Aruseus is singular, therefore the correct possessive form is "Aruseus's" rather than "Aruseus'", the second indicating it is plural. Just a grammar hint for you. I'm sorry, I must seem stupid giving you advice when I haven't even posted my own fic.
 
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~Cosmic~

The Plot Thickens
Please, more comments.
 

Cammi

fly away
Long ago, a certain Pokemon angered Aruseus, the Creator. Aruseus was a large, centaur-like creature, with flowing white hair. Aruseus watched over the world, his world. Aruseus cast upon him what no one had ever seen: death. So angry was Aruseus, that he cast this curse upon all the Pokemon on Earth! As the Pokemon died, their hatred and evil built in a dimension opposite Aruseus's. Aruseus was lonely when all the Pokemon were dead. He cast the cycle spell on the world, so Pokemon could have offspring, and die, continuing the circle of life. Aruseus thought nothing off the spirits he killed off so long ago. This was a mistake he would soon come to regret...

^^ I think you used Aruseus's name way too much in here. Try to use "He" , "She" or "It" when he's going to appear several times.


The dimension was ruled by the mighty Darkrai, a devil-like Pokemon. Darkrai was known as the Lord of Darkness. No one ever suspected that something larger and darker was at work. Even Darkrai had no idea. But someone knew.

Okay, all I know is that Darkrai is a devil-like pokemon, but there is still lack of description... Is he purple? is he orange? does he have hair? etc...

Just like Legendary star said, this needs more detail. Put a little more effort in it and it'll make a great fic! Good luck!
 

~Cosmic~

The Plot Thickens
Wow, 73 views! thank you, everybody! Chapter 1 should be up later today.
 
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