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The Tales of Kate

ijea4444

Well-Known Member
Well after my first fan fic died painfully. I thought I would make another which hopefully wont die

____________________________________________________​

Chapter 1​


Ever since Kate was a girl she was amazed by pokemon eggs. and how they grew. She lives in a Pokemon breeding facility. She is 11 years old. she has a cerulean blue shirt with a navy blue skirt. Her father hated that he dragged her, They could barely manage. He thought maybe if she traveled she could collect Pokemon and be happy. But she always refused.

Then one day a rich looking man with a gray petticoat and a crescent on it comes in. The crescent was a golden Graveler. Kate would polish eggs and clean the egg warmers for extra change.

While observing the eggs on display the man asks, "How much would an egg cost?" Kate turns her head and stares. He wasn't kidding.

Then as politely as she could she tells him," These eggs are not for sale. Trainers work hard to capture Pokemon and then giving them to us for us to give them offspring.


" The man then replies with an angry attitude," Well what if I pay lets say, 1 million?"

Kate then retorts ,"I SAID NO!"

Then she pushes him out the store and into his car. “And don't come back." Kate says to him.

In the car she spots a 10 year old boy. he has blue/gray type hair that is sort of a knock off of Anabel's hair but more manly. They looked into each others eyes and they just stared as the car drove by.

Her father had come from a long days work. They lived in cottage really close to
the facility and was paid for from the facility. But they still have to pay for utilities. She had made some soup after the incident.

When her father came home they all started devouring to soup.
"CHANSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" a Chansey with a weird egg in her pouch comes in. Kate quickly comes to Chansey's attention. Stunned her father just stares.

" What’s wrong Chansey?" Kate asks. The Chansey then shows her egg to Kate. Kate then grasps the egg and when she pulls it out Chansey’s usual pearly white egg pops out.

While still a little stunned her father asks, “ What just happened?”

Explaining Kate says, “Chansey must have gotten her egg replaced by this Pokemon egg. And since Chansey isn’t used to this egg it must have hurt her.
” Surprised Kate looks at the egg.

She stares, she had never seen the egg before. She then asks her father if he has seen the egg before. It had blue and red circles in a diamond pattern and the background color was blue like a snorelax blue. He had never seen an egg like it.

Kate still a little curious escorts Chansey to her little stall for Chanseys and then she goes into the facility.

She then goes and talks to the top Pokemon hatcher in the facility. She hatches a lot of eggs so she must know something about it. She had a sort of Mr. Mime hair with another triangle in the middle except it they were gray. She had glasses like the ones with strings on them and she had a dress with very plain colors.

She carefully examines it. Being a century old she puts on her glasses for further examination.

Then after a while she says in a crackly yet sophisticated manner,” Upon further examination I can conclude that … I have no idea what it is.”

Utterly depressed, Kate grabs it and walks away. “How could no one know what it is?” she asks her self.

Then a weird looking girl comes in be fore Kate could leave the facility.

She had brought her Mr. .Mime. “ I could clarify what that Pokemon egg is. I left my Mr. Mime holding an eerie incense into the facility with my ditto,” the girl says ,” So that must be a Mime Jr.”

Kate then asks, “ Why no one knew what it was?” The girl says , “ Because there isn’t much eerie incenses in the world because they are only found in shin-ou, My home region. O’ mind my manners I haven’t introduced myself. People call me Hikari but no one except my close family knows my real name.”

Then it hit Kate. She had known Hikari from the Pokemon Trainers news, Hikari had beaten the entire Elite 4 of her region.

Shocked Kate asks,” Hikari, you are an elite trainer, you are a champion, not to mention a grand festival winner, what are you doing all the way in Pallet Town, a boring beat up town..“

She then replies ,” I don’t think this is a beat up town. Instead I think it’s great. Its where a great friend of mine used to live. And Prof. Gary Oak lives here. Things sure have changed from my time. When I was your age , Gary was a beginner professor, and his grandpa was the one giving away starters. My great friend Ash had been offered a job as a frontier brain. He was traveling through Shin-ou getting badges while I did contests ,and our other dear friend Brock would and help us and our Pokemon. I came to Kanto so I could help beginner Pokemon trainers and co-ordinaters since I have experience in both. You can keep the egg and please take my Chickorita. I have 2 and 1 is plenty.”

Gratefully Kate grabs the pokeball Hikari gives her and then she says, “

“I am extreme fully grateful, and you have inspired me to become a Pokemon co-ordinater.” Hikari then goes away.

Kate goes to her cabin and tells her father all about it. Her father then says , “ I’m so delighted that you are finally going to travel.


I was able to get a hold of this nest and luxury balls.” He then hands hem to her. She sadly says, “ No dad. You might get some money out of them.”

Her father then says “ They aren’t even worth that much in the market. And still. You’ll need it for your journey.”

She grabs them from her fathers hands. She begins to pack. She knows her journey is about to begin the next morning. She packs some very little things into her bag. The essentials such as tooth brush, extra poke balls, and others.

Then a little while later the boy she had seen earlier comes rushing into her cottage.

He quickly says, “ Hurry come here.”

They both go to her still sleeping father. The boy was the same boy from the day before. He then send out 6 Kecleons. They all start covering all three. Then they all camouflaged. BOOM BOOM BOOM.

A security guard comes in and he had broken down the door. They search everywhere.

Then on of the three says, “ I could have sworn the boy came in here.

By then the dad had woken up, but he knew to stay low despite the leather crawling all over his body.

Then once they all left did the father scream out, “ Uggghhh. Get these, these THINGS away from me.”

The boy them to their pokeball. “I’m extremely sorry. Once I saw your daughter I knew buying eggs were wrong. During dinner my dad was talking about how rude she was. I was insulted and started to fight with my dad about how inconsiderate he was about her. My dad got made me go to my room. I was able to get away but the alarms sounded off. That was when I started running here. I knew she lived here because when I saw her I called the facility.”

Her father starts, “ So your first place to come is here?”

Not answering the boy didn’t answer but instead says , “ So I guess I should be leaving now.”

Just as he is about to leave the door Kate shouts “NO! Wait. I was going to start my journey tomorrow. Why can’t he stay here and tomorrow we leave together.” Kate asks her father.

They give each other menacing glares. “ Ok, I guess ,” he says.

So then the boy says, “By the way I don’t want to go home. I want to travel with Kate. She shouldn’t be lonely and still my father would kill me.”

All agreeing together they put out a sleeping bag out for the boy and everybody else goes to their bed.

Almost about ready to go to sleep does Kate realize, she doesn’t know the name of the boy. So Kate then asks, “ So what is you’re name?”

He then replys “Kuckk.” He was already fast asleep or was he?
___________________________________________________________________​

and please only constructive criticism and I am looking for a reviser. and please write what u will. I am going to read it. I might ignore it if I feel I don't have to reply.
 
Last edited:

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
Mountains of text... hurting my eyes... getting weak... please use the Enter button... Charles noooo! You got in my headddd!

*ahem* Ignore the Juggernaut fandub quote.

Okay, first space this thing out before you blind somebody. You press the Enter button twice between paragraphs, which by the way you're supposed make whenever a new idea pops up in the story, or whenever someone speaks.

I hate for this review to be so short but I honestly didn't know what the hell was going on. You skipped between the past and present tenses which wasn't helped by the fact that you didn't space the damn thing out.

For ignoring the Rules and the Advice thread you get slapped with a fish.

and please write what u will. I am going to read it. I might ignore it if i feel i don't have to reply.
You don't have to reply, but it's nice to listen to people that know what they're talking about. Good luck getting better.
 

ijea4444

Well-Known Member
By that i mentl like if some one says u should make them skip to saffron City. I willl read it but will ignore it. an ill make some corrections right now.

Mountains of text... hurting my eyes... getting weak... please use the Enter button... Charles noooo! You got in my headddd!

*ahem* Ignore the Juggernaut fandub quote.

Okay, first space this thing out before you blind somebody. You press the Enter button twice between paragraphs, which by the way you're supposed make whenever a new idea pops up in the story, or whenever someone speaks.

I hate for this review to be so short but I honestly didn't know what the hell was going on. You skipped between the past and present tenses which wasn't helped by the fact that you didn't space the damn thing out.

For ignoring the Rules and the Advice thread you get slapped with a fish.


You don't have to reply, but it's nice to listen to people that know what they're talking about. Good luck getting better.

ow that fish hurt. sorry but it was a really quick chapter and i hope i can get better by getting replys like yours.now i will space more. and trey to do your new topic things you said.
 
Last edited:

Isidro

Say Whaaaaaat
I think this fic is a little bad. but i think the storyline is good. I hope this isn't ignored. jk. i want to see more and maybe this one won't turn out as bad.

;201-i;;201-s;;201-i;;201-d;;201-r;;201-o;
 

Godslayer

Well-Known Member
ow that fish hurt. sorry but it was a really quick chapter and i hope i can get better by getting replys like yours.now i will space more. and trey to do your new topic things you said.

....

Are you kidding me? You have to be. You cant write like that and expect to make a good fic, can you? Tell me you can't. You wont.
 

ijea4444

Well-Known Member
Trust me ive learned my lesson. And could someone please reply about what actually think about the fic not just spaceing and stuff. (not that your past comments haven't done a thing) umm next chapter might be up around next wednesday- idk when. ill try to put asap.
 
Last edited:

Divinity_123

shove 'er in! ;O
and please write what u will. I am going to read it. I might ignore it if i feel i don't have to reply.

If you ignore your reviewers, you won't have reviews. And please, listen to advice.

I think this fic is a little bad.
No kidding^. Wanna a cookie?

And could someone please reply about what actually think about the fic not just spaceing and stuufff.
*ehem*, alright, but they will hit you with that tasty fish of Leon Phelp's five thousand times about the spacing if you don't do sh*t about it!
Review, okay plot, a bit unrealistic especially this part.

The man then replies with an angry attitude," Well what if I pay lets say, 1 million?"

Kate then retorts ,"I SAID NO!"

Then she pushes him out the store and into his car. “And don't come back." Kate says to him.

LOLZ. how could an 11 year old push a man into a car and refuse a million dollars. Must be a devoted little girl...


Eh, it might be easier to write in the past....but write as you wish.

In the car she spots a 10 year old boy. he has blue/gray type hair that is sort of a knock off of Anabel's hair but more manly. They looked into each others eyes and they just stared as the car drove by.

Something you ARE good at is confusing me. What the hell does Anabel look like except that blue/grey hair part. What kind of expression did the kid have. What did he wear? Was he naked? Capitals in the beginning of sentences btw.

Plz, read the Advice thread because it will help you with your fics. A lot like it has helped me. And, spell check this thing before you post. You mite want to get a BETA reader. Don't forget your description!!! Later and good luck
 

ijea4444

Well-Known Member
If you ignore your reviewers, you won't have reviews. And please, listen to advice.


No kidding^. Wanna a cookie?


*ehem*, alright, but they will hit you with that tasty fish of Leon Phelp's five thousand times about the spacing if you don't do sh*t about it!
Review, okay plot, a bit unrealistic especially this part.



LOLZ. how could an 11 year old push a man into a car and refuse a million dollars. Must be a devoted little girl...


Eh, it might be easier to write in the past....but write as you wish.



Something you ARE good at is confusing me. What the hell does Anabel look like except that blue/grey hair part. What kind of expression did the kid have. What did he wear? Was he naked? Capitals in the beginning of sentences btw.

Plz, read the Advice thread because it will help you with your fics. A lot like it has helped me. And, spell check this thing before you post. You mite want to get a BETA reader. Don't forget your description!!! Later and good luck


everyone is taking the ignoering part to sierisoley. If i think you says something in a review and i think it would help. then i would probely use it.

Yeah the milllion doaller and pushing girl was a bit strecthed. lol When i meant about the anabel was his hair. and since he was in the car i only talked about his eyes cuz that is what she saw from him. And i didn't put a description because since that is a little spoiler ill says right now. Yeah im looking for someone to check it before i post it
 

Sammi

Banned
Err, ignore your reviews and ya wont get any.

Anyhoo, many errors... Spellign errors... Grammar mistakes... And such. Too many to list, lack of description.

Good luck on getting better! I hope this review helps. Somehow...
 

Dilasc

Boip!
everyone is taking the ignoering part to sierisoley. If i think you says something in a review and i think it would help. then i would probely use it.

Yeah the milllion doaller and pushing girl was a bit strecthed. lol When i meant about the anabel was his hair. and since he was in the car i only talked about his eyes cuz that is what she saw from him. And i didn't put a description because since that is a little spoiler ill says right now. Yeah im looking for someone to check it before i post it

You should work on your spelling, seriously. Good spelling can take you far.
 

ijea4444

Well-Known Member
srry for double post but im srry. i might have said i would put up chapter on my wednesday eastern time. Srry probely won't be up for week. I have to go visit my family in texas.something happened. and i think you don't care about me soo... i might be able to post sooner
 
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