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The Tear of Life - Redone (PG)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Blue Angel, Jun 10, 2008.

  1. Blue Angel

    Blue Angel Banned

    I have wanted to write a story for a long time. This is my second attempt. There were some errors on the first one, so I re-wrote the prologue – since that was why it was locked. This story is made based on a made-up region and has a couple fan-made characters and Pokemon. Fan-made Pokemon are also referred to as "Fake-mon" amongst other things.

    If any of you want, I am willing to put a couple fan-made characters you make into my stories. I have a form, so just ask for the form, and I will give it to you. There are different types of characters, but I will explain that in the message.

    For those of you who don't know the bold titles under the chapter, or randomly occurring in the middle of a chapter, are who the section is about, or who is viewing the scene.


    BTW, I plan on putting the first chapter up Later Today, or Tomorrow(within the editing date - 6/16/08)

    This Story is marked PG for very minor language(by my standards, which are pretty high) and graphic kissing. ^_- I'll mark the section with kissing.

    Prologue

    Council of Legendaries


    There is a Group of Legendaries meets every year on New Year's Day. They meet on the Legna Isle. Only those who have been there know where it is. It is like that, so no Pokemon or Pokemon Trainer can go there by mistake. This makes their meetings private and undisturbed. It also helps that the isle is floating in the sky. The Clouds also help hide it from sight. Once a year, They update each other on their regions goings-on, and discuss important matters. The Council members are Mew, Mewtwo, Articuno, Zapados, Moltres, Raikou, Suicune, Entei, Lugia, Ho-oh, Celebi, Jirachi, Kyogre, Groudon, Rayquaza, Deoxys, Latios, Latias, Registeel, Regice, and Regirock. They are best known as "The Council." Ho-oh starts the meetings, even though Mewtwo is the wisest of all of the Legendaries.

    “Now, Let's start with the issue at hand. Team Shadow, no matter how small; is becoming more and more powerful by the year,” said Ho-oh

    “I would think, Team Shadow will take over the world in 5 years,” said the naïve Mew

    “Mew, Please tell me you haven't forgotten!” said the aggravated Mewtwo.

    “I didn't forget! Um, What was it that I haven't forgotten again?” said the confused Mew

    The Council of Legendaries let out a loud groan. Mew was easily the dumbest and most forgetful of the Council.

    “You forgot that Team Shadow isn't very bright. They will blow up anything they accomplish by accident. But… Even you have had a day where you remembered everything. It would be wrong to underestimate them. They might actually do something right, and not mess up," explained Mewtwo.

    Celebi said wisely,"I agree, Team Shadow may actually do something right. But knowing how long it takes them to do anything. Since, I am the Master of time,” I say it will be closer to 15 years before they are a real threat!”

    Zapados said quietly,"So What are we going to do about this?”

    “I have an idea. Most of my ideas work out well,” said the astute Articuno.

    “Okay, Let's hear it, Articuno,” replied Ho-oh.

    Articuno suggested,"We could put our power together and make a Tear of Life.”

    “What an excellent idea! She has my vote!” replied the eager Kyogre.

    “Wait... What is a Tear of Life?” said the thick Mew.

    The Council of Legendaries couldn’t help but sigh at Mew’s brainless-ness.

    Mewtwo sighed,"Ugh, I'll explain, but this should really be the last time I have to explain something for you.”

    Suicune quipped, under her breath, "I highly doubt that one.”

    Mewtwo wisely explained,"Now, The Tear of Life is a combination of all our Powers...”

    Mew responded, hurt,"I know that! I wasn't born yesterday!”

    Mewtwo moaned,"Mew, Let me finish. Now, The Tear of Life is used to bring forth a baby that will have unknown, but powerful abilites. If the child is raised right, the child will have the power to defeat Team Shadow. I hope..."

    “You hope?” asked the curious Mew.

    “That isn't the only condition for it to work. The child must find true love and have his love returned...” Mewtwo paused, and took a deep breath.

    Mew, looked puzzled, “Hmm, sounds difficult...”

    Mewtwo yelled,” Stop interrupting, Mew! I'm still not done. The Power will come out on it's own, when it is ready, but they are quite unpredictable. If the child is not careful, he could destroy himself."

    Mew’s eyes widened,"Sounds risky.”

    Mewtwo, rolled his eyes,"It is risky, but it is our only hope."

    Mew looked pleased with himself,"Why can't we just defeat Team Shadow?”

    “Mew!” yelled the annoyed Council.

    Mew shrunk, “What?”

    Rayquaza sighed deeply, “Don't worry Mewtwo, I got this one. We aren't aloud to interfere in human affairs, unless absolutely necessary. If the child fails, we can interfere. When it comes to Teams, we are supposed to leave it up to the humans to handle it. Those are the rules. Although desperate times, do come with desperate measures. Rules are meant to be broken, after all. We are only aloud to intercede when we have tried all we can. This child can do it on their own, we hope. If not, we can easily defeat Team Shadow.”

    Lugia looked scared,"But what if Team Shadow becomes extremely strong before those estimated 15 years?”

    “We have to take that chance. I know that other Teams have had luck before, but has any of them ever won?” Mewtwo laughed heartily.

    The other Council members smiled certainly.

    Moltres happily replied,"So we don't have anything to worry about right?”

    “Wait!” yelled the impatient Mew

    Council turns and yells at Mew,"WHAT NOW?!?!”

    Mew once again, shrinks in fear,"How does the Tear of Life become a child?”

    Articuno smiles and explains,"There is magic about the object. Once a tear falls from a woman's eye because she wants a baby, The Tear of Life will glow and fly straight towards the woman."

    “But How will the woman understand what the Tear of Life is?” questioned the nosy Mew.

    “No worries, I will have a Djinnie follow it all the way and inform the lady of it all,” replied the smiling Jirachi.

    “What’s a Djinnie?” asks Mew.

    "Mew, Are you really that stupid?" asked

    “Yes, Of course I am. What's a Djinnie?” Mew looked pleased with his stupidity.

    The Council was annoyed by Mew’s Joy.

    Jirachi smiles widely,"I'll explain this one, it is right up my ally. A Djinnie is a Pokemon that grants wishes, like me. They are my underlings. Their wishes have very specific circumstances though. A Djinnie can grant three wishes in real life, and then it is free - free to do as it pleases. In battle cases, Djinnie can grant one wish per battle. Of course, normal wishing rules apply. Like No wishing for more wishes, No wishing for True Love, No wishing to win a Battle. Luckily, for The Child - with Djinnie, in-battle wishes don't count for the three real wishes. That limits the in-battle wishes more, but it still works. We will let the mother have one, and when the child is ready, he will have another Djinnie too. He will be able to keep the Djinnie till he uses up his three wishes. Did all that information seep into your tiny brain, Mew?”

    Mew scratches his head,"I think so...”

    Articuno remembers suddenly,"Oh, I almost forgot! The child will get his abilities like a roulette, all of the attacks we use will be included. The most important rule is that whatever ability shows itself first is the child’s main ability. He may get others, we don’t know. It is an unpredictable process. It is wild and random. What we know for certain, is that the mother’s desires and the desires of the child have a lot to do with it.”

    Mewtwo instructed,"All that's left now, is to put our powers together. Mew, Jirachi, Celebi, Lugia, Deoxys, Rayquaza, Latios, and Latias. We will use our Psychic attack a base to hold it with our psychic power. Articuno, it was your idea, why don't you make the first part of the tear, and then Regice, why don't you make the ice shell at the end.”

    Pink energy comes gently from the Psychic Pokemon’s heads and makes a psychic hand. They don't have to concentrate much, considering how many of them their are and the fact that their legendary powers are great and potent.

    Articuno's mouth opens and an icy straight beam shoots from her mouth into the psychic hand.

    Moltres, Entei and Ho-Oh shoot a straight flame of untamed fire; flies from their 3 mouths towards the hand and hits the same spot as the prior Ice Beam.

    Regirock and Groudon stamp their feet and all the produced power that would normal shake the earth; is absorbed into the already-developing Tear.

    Zapdos and Entei produce an extremely powerful but unpredictable bolt of electricity hits the Tear directly.

    Registeel fires a slow, but potent attack that launches and envelops the tear, by this wide beam.

    Suicune and Kyogre open their mouths and shoot a jet of streaming blue water at the Tear filling it with water, ready to burst.

    Regice quickly launches two jets of ice from his palms at the overflowing Tear, capturing and freezing the water and power inside.

    Mewtwo looks satisfied,"There, It is done. We can gently lower the Tear onto the ground now.”

    The Psychic energy slowly fades as the Tear lowers to the floor.

    Mewtwo looks shocked, “Oops, we forgot to use a Flying attack!”

    “Well, We didn't have a bunch of other types, so that works out okay,” Articuno says calmly.

    Mewtwo is not comforted,” Not with this one...”

    Mew, asks intriguingly,"What's wrong with not using a flying attack?”

    Articuno smiles at Mew,"It’s okay Mew, I don’t get why the child needs flying either.”

    "It is hard to explain... Flying is very important. One of the rules of the Tear of Life, is that any other element not used can not be gained by the child," said the worried Mewtwo.

    Mew bit his finger, looking cute,"Can't the child just use one of his wishes to gain the ability to fly?”

    Raikou sighed, facing the Council, "Let me explain this one to dumb-dumb."

    Raikou turned back to Mew, “You cannot gain an ability from a Djinnie. There is a secret way of gaining it from a Djinnie though. But because you have such lose lips I won't tell you!”

    Mew is mad, "Ugh, Reveal one meeting place to a Marill and you’re branded for life!”

    “Mew, could you leave for a second? I have something to discuss with the others,” asked the kindly Ho-oh

    Mew floats angrily out.

    Entei looked concerned, “Maybe we shouldn't have explained everything else to him then.”

    “Don't worry, he forgets all the unimportant stuff. We'll just have to find some way for him to not mention the Tear of Life to anyone. That won’t slip his mind,” pointed out the smart Raikou.

    Articuno smiled deeply, "I got it! Gee, I have all the good ideas…”

    “He can be invisible, right?" asked Articuno.

    Suicune rolled her eyes, and said under her breath, "Let's just hope he isn't doing that now…”

    Mewtwo tried to understand, "Yes, go on...”

    Articuno took a deep breath, "Well we can give him the job of watching the child night and day. That will keep him busy. He won't have time to tell anyone if he is working. If there are any problems and updates on the child’s progress, then he can report to us.”

    Mewtwo was impressed, "I love the idea. Let's do just that. MEW! Come back in!”

    Mew, still angry, "What is it now?”

    Mewtwo smiled, despite Mew’s dirty look, "We have decided to give you a very important job.”

    Mew’s expression lightened, "Oh, Yay! What is it?”

    Mewtwo explained cunningly, "You get to watch the Child and make sure he isn't getting into trouble and see if his powers develop. I mean, you will be invisible so he doesn't know your there, of course. We hope you enjoy it.”

    Mew, dumbly responds, "Oh sounds fun!"

    The Council were amazed at how foolish Mew was, which went by unnoticed by Mew.

    Articuno said, "We wait for the Tear to glow, and then you and a Djinnie will follow it. You can report to us on it immediately after."

    “Aw! I hate waiting...” said the disappointed, childish Mew.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2008
  2. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    I like what you have going here. This is a very interesting concept, it will be fascinating to see how it develops.

    There are some grammar mistakes, but nothing TOO major. I will say that the description was a little spotty, though.
     
  3. Silence is Golden

    Silence is Golden Fanfic Obsessed

    I agree with TGB, the descriptions arent the greatest. There were quite a few prominent grammatical errors, not the least of which was spelling Zapdos as Zapados.

    The story sounds interesting, but slightly childish... Make it a little more realistic. Also cut down on sweatdrops, they look extremely unprofessional.
     
  4. Blue Angel

    Blue Angel Banned

    The Great Butler,
    Thanks for commenting
    Coming from you that means a lot.

    Spotty? What do you mean?

    Silence,
    Yeah... I know, I haven't played in a why and I guess I always thought "Zapdos" was Zapados. I'll fix that.

    It is supposed to b somewhat humorous. Although before I redid the Prologue, because of scripting - People really liked the humor.

    Don't worry, I don't plan on using any more sweatdrops. I just kinda liked them. I got rid of them, and changed the line with sweatdrops.

    BTW, I plan on putting the first chapter up Later Today, or Tomorrow(within the editing date)
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2008
  5. Blue Angel

    Blue Angel Banned

    Sorry about the long wait. I finally fixed/ tweaked the first chapter. The first few chapters will be about two people in particular. So without any a due, here is the long awaited Chapter 1. BTW, Italics means someone is thinking.

    Chapter 1

    Annabelle and Tobias

    There once was a young married couple living in the Omhara Region. Their names were Annabelle, 22; and Tobias, 23. Annabelle had a lovely figure, and her face was without blemish, because she had not yet been ravaged by age. Her hair was a sheen golden blonde, and her eyes were a soft shade of blue. She always wore a beautiful light blue house dress, and a white house apron, tied behind her with a perfect knot. She kept her Pokeballs in her apron pockets. She was once a famous Pokemon Trainer, who had beaten almost all the rest. She was well known for her unique fighting style. She was retired, but she kept her powerful Pokemon always near her, just in case. When she wasn’t busy cooking for her husband, she enjoyed making clothes. She didn’t think she was any expert, but she did the job well and got it done.

    Tobias was a good, solid man. He had brown hair and brown eyes, alight with purity. He always wore his favorite dark blue shirt with his faded overalls. Tobias was a Pokemon Contest Trainer. He always stuck to the motto, “Never judge a Book by its Cover.” Tobias picked out Pokemon that didn’t have much in the appearance apartment, so he could surprise the audience with the uniqueness of their attacks. He wanted others to see that too, that even an ugly Pokemon, had something great under their exterior. He also thought winning by pure talent alone was much more worthy of the prize. Tobias, like his lovely wife, was also retired. In his spare time he liked to build things, and he used his Pokemon to help him.

    Tobias was building a greenhouse for Annabelle to grow her own plants. As he was working on it, he thought to himself:

    I remember how we fell in love… It was a wonderful summer, 5 years ago…

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~​

    Tobias walked out of the Master Class Pokemon Contest, in the radiant, shiny Beaudette City, with a downcast look on his face. Of course, he looked a little younger, and wore the typical Pokemon Trainer outfit.

    I won another Pokemon Contest. No one is ever a challenge anymore. What should I do now? Life isn’t any fun, Contest’s are way too easy. I guess I’ll go back to the Pokemon Center, and rent a room. I’ll think over what I do next.

    He placed his hands in his pockets, and stared at the rough ground, as he walked disappointedly towards the Pokemon Center. He wasn’t watching where he was walking and Suddenly …

    CRASH!

    Ow!

    Tobias gradually opened his eyes as he rubbed his sore head. He looked up into eyes he wished he had and hadn’t to this very day. Her eyes were gorgeous, like two burning sapphires, with the power of the fiery sun. She was striking and breath-taking, but the anger in her eyes burned through his fearful body.

    “What’d you do THAT for!?” yelled the fuming female, “Can’t you see I was carrying heavy groceries!?

    “Now the eggs broke!” the girl continued with burning rage and sad tears slowly descending from her face.

    “Excuse me… I’m really sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going! Sorry!” Tobias cringed in fear, waiting for the flames of hell to burn down on him.

    The frustrated girl breathed in slowly, “I am SO ANGRY! I challenge you to a 1 on 1 Pokemon Battle! If you lose, you buy me new eggs!. If you win, you walk away free.”

    “Okay, I except your challenge, Miss … ?” Tobias responded politely.

    “Annabelle, Just Annabelle. Now, please can we get this Battle started?” cried the impatient girl.

    “Okay, Sharpedo, I choose you!” cried Tobias, throwing a Pokeball.

    An angry looking fish materialized from the Pokeball. Sharpedo had light blue skin on top of his head and a yellow star adorning it’s head. Sharpedo had pure white, rough skin on bottom. He had two long fins at his side, a dorsal fin, and one belly fin. His beady eyes were enough to scare anyone away, if not his sharp teeth would do it.

    “Oh, a Water and Dark type. Okay then, I’ll choose… Tropius!” cried out the furious Annabelle.

    A tall green Pokemon materialized from Annabelle’s Pokeball. It had Four large green leafy wings, like fronds, on its wide back. Under it’s neck were two ripe bananas just waiting to be eaten. Tropius had a brown color on the base of it’s body. Besides the neck, which was also brown, the rest of it’s body was a light shiny shade of green.

    “I’ll just warn you, I use Sharpedo for Beauty Contests, if that is any hint!” smirked Tobias.

    “Sharpedo, use Hydropump!”

    After a moment, a flowing uncontrollable beam flew from Sharpedo’s mouth, soaking Tropius with great force. Unfortunately for Tobias, the attack didn’t do much damage,

    “Okay, my turn! Tropius, use Ingrain!”

    Tropius used it’s roots to tap into the ground’s energy and stay fixed to the spot. Within moments, some of the damage done by the Hydropump was healed by energy absorbed by the roots.

    “We’ve got this one, Sharpedo, use Water Spout!” cried Tobias with a wide smile adorning his face.

    A wide uncontainable spurt came bursting from Sharpedo’s mouth, dousing Tropius with cold, high concentrated water. Despite being a Water attack, a chunk of damage was taken.

    “Wha- What’s going on?” cried the horrified Annabelle, “That was a Water attack, which is supposed to do little damage to my Tropius. How did it do so much damage?”

    “The attack is Water Spout. The healthier the Pokemon, the more this attack hurts,” replied the sly Tobias.

    “Well now it is my turn,” said Annabelle with renewed anger, “Tropius, use Leaf Blade!”

    Tropius shot a barrage of sharp leaves at Sharpedo. Sharpedo took a lot of damage because water types are weak to Grass attacks.

    “That is what I get for not having the type advantage,” said Tobias sadly.

    Tropius’s roots absorbed more energy, healing the Pokemon further.

    “Sharpedo, time for surprise! Aurora Beam!” grinned Tobias.

    A stunning and bright beam shot from Sharpedo’s mouth hitting Tropius directly. It took a lot of damage but since Sharpedo is not an Ice type, it didn’t do as much damage.

    “Fly, Tropius!” shouted Annabelle.

    The Tropius launched itself off the ground and held itself there. Amazingly, the roots were still connected to the ground, and Tropius regained a little more energy.

    “Sharpedo, we have to dodge it, Dive!” yelled Tobias.

    Sharpedo jumped into a nearby pool of water, just beside the battlefield.
    The Tropius, unable to attack the submerged Pokemon, returned to the ground despondently. The root’s gained more energy from the ground.

    Sharpedo soared from the pool of water, striking Tropius straight in the stomach, knocking her backwards. Sharpedo’s Rough Skin also added a little extra damage as it hit the Tropius. Tropius spread it’s wings and caught itself from falling. Tropius was obviously tired and taking a lot of damage.

    “My turn again! Tropius, Aerial Ace!” cried Annabelle happily.

    Tropius seemed to disappear for a moment, and reappear moments later, thrusting itself into the poor tiny Sharpedo. The Sharpedo couldn’t hold on much longer. Luckily for Sharpedo, because of his Rough Skin, Tropius also took a little damage. Tropius’s roots once again, healed her a little.

    “Now for our Ace in the hole! Ice Beam, Sharpedo!” cried Tobias, triumphantly, knowing that this would finish Tropius off.

    A strong icy beam flew unstoppably at the Tropius. The Tropius shivered at the frigid and unpleasant attack and fainted.

    “You beat me! I don’t feel any better…” Annabelle looked extremely disappointed.
    _________________________________________
    Please tell me what you think of it(kindly).​
     
  6. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    I'm enjoying it, but your description is rather......um, what's the word... well, it's not very consistant. The problem is not that you aren't describing things, it's the way you're phrasing the description.

    This is a good example.
     
  7. Blue Angel

    Blue Angel Banned

    Good example? Like it is a good description, or that it is a good example of how it isn't consistent description.

    Can you rephrase an example of my "spotty" description, so I can get an idea of how to write it better?
     
  8. poke poke

    poke poke hello

    Ah.. so this is back.

    I just glanced through the prologue. You didn't change ,uch really.

    The first chapter? It was enjoyable. Short, but sweet. I still don't know what it has to do with the plot... oh wait... is Tobias the chosen one or will it be his son.

    Doin good. Keep it up.
     
  9. Blue Angel

    Blue Angel Banned

    Sorry, it was script form in the wrong section - the reason why it was closed. So I just modified some minor details and switched to normal form.

    (*wink*) I can't reveal anything. But you've got the right kind of idea.
    Trust me it has to do with the plot. Plus it gave me a chance to write romantically, get some practice - at least for the next one or two chapters. There is more in the life of the Chosen one, so getting some advice on it next chapter will help when it comes time.

    Thanks for the encouragement. Chapter 2 and 3 are kinda "done" but they need some editing to be "presentable"
     
  10. The Great Butler

    The Great Butler Hush, keep it down

    ...

    Sharpedo opened its mouth, and from it, launched a stunningly bright beam of ice. Tropius was struck directly and injured quite a bit, though it could have been even more powerful if Sharpedo had been an Ice-type.



    ^ How's that?
     

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