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Things Fall Apart (Rated PG-13 for Strong Language and Blood)

S

SillyGoose

Guest
Alright, I found a rekindling of Pokemon Passion when I stumbled upon this site. Wow, guess we never truly grow up eh ;p. Anyway, I was bored and I decided to write something. Originally the Prologue was going to be 2 pages, but soon it ballooned up to an impressive 5 1/2 pages. Now just imagine how long it’ll be when plot, dialogue, and character development are added. Anyway, if I receive some positive feedback, I’ll have the next chapter done next weekend. Note: There are strong language and graphic descriptions of blood and gore in this story. Please be kind, I haven’t written a creative story since I was in 5th grade.

Prologue: A Stroll Down Memory Lane

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."

-Albert Einstein

Our story begins on a magnificent battleship. The bright sunlight tinted off the layers upon layers Steelix armor. Protruding throughout the ship were 80-meter guns, each one with a storage tank of Dragonite Hyperbeams. Near the center of the vessel were three tall control towers, each one with hundreds of Alakazam sending out orders and reports with their gifted psyche. To the untrained eye it looked like a menacing spider floating in the distance. Saying it resembled a spider meant instant execution for any Kanto soldier. This was the K.S.S Oak, the pride of the Kanto navy; a symbol of hope for Kanto and an omen of death for Johto. However, to a Charmeleon onboard, the Oak represented nothing but fear, dismay, and death.

The red lizard was leaning over the iron balconies, looking down at the clear ocean water. Thousands upon thousands of orange Staryu were spinning and propelling the great hulk of steel. Even more Starmie, Seaking, and Wartortles glided through the water, looking for hostile Lanterns and Mantines.

“The jewel of the Staryu looks so empty,” the reptile thought to himself, “I wonder where they lived…Seafoam? Cinnabar?”

His train of thought was suddenly ended. Without warning, Charmeleon felt the slap of a paw upon his back. A hard slap on the back. Quickly, Charmeleon gripped the railings to prevent himself from plummeting down to his watery grave. With a roar of fury turn around and slashed at the aggressor with his razor-sharp claws.

“Rai, you fu*king as*hole,” he cursed as the Raichu in front of him bawled in laughter.

“Calm the fu*k down, Sarge, I didn’t slap ya that rough,” said Rai through his thick Vermillion City drawl.

Though the Charmeleon was only a Lieutenant, his squad lovingly referred to him as “Sarge.”

“Hard, Rai, hard…I didn’t slap you that hard…seriously after the war I’m teaching you how to use the English language correctly.” Sarge retorted.

“Shut the fu*k up, grammar Nazi, if you haven’t noticed I lost a piece of my beautiful ear trying to save your shiny red as*…” Rai replied.

Sarge looked up at his mouse-friend’s right ear. Almost the entire upper cartilage was torn away. Indeed, it resembled a dismembered black and orange Sharpedo fin rather than a Raichu ear. The reptile shivered, the memories of that day still haunted him…

3 Weeks Ago…

Charmeleon crawled through the thick leaves, praying to God Misdreavus patrols don’t hear his rustling. The lizard looked back and did a quick body count on his 34 troops. He looked around at his lush surroundings. Maple trees, yew trees, oak trees, trees that he neglected to study in the 5th grade, everywhere he looked he saw the leafy giants. He could tell there was a rain going on, but the trees prevented most the droplets from falling through. The humid air was starting to get to him. The flies, sensing weakness, pounced upon the group biting and scratching. A slight drop of sweat fell from his forehead and into the ground, immediately sucked up by the dry parched earth.

The Charmeleon noticed a yellow light from his right. Panicking, he quickly turned and immediately let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t an ambush; Rai was just conducting a Light Screen attack to combat the flies.

“Hey Rai, turn that off, you’re going to have to suffer like the rest of us. Don’t underestimate your opponent” Sarge said as he continued to inch forward.

“What kind of fu*ked up mission is?” asked a Nidorino behind Sarge, “wasting my God-given sniping talents patrolling sh*t-filled forests?

“Keep your bi*ching down Sharpe,” Sarge whispered. He thought he heard movement in the distance.

“Hey Sarge, I would like to file a complaint to the Kanto Army,” said a nearby Scyther.

“Well, unfortunately, General Articuno and the rest of the commanders of the Kanto Army have no time to listen to the bi*chings of a lower-than dirt private. Sorry Blademan.” Sarge replied with a smile. It felt good to hear a Pokemon voice.

Blademan chuckled, “Yea, but what about you? Surely a decorated lieutenant like yourself will be able to pull a few strings?”

“Ahh, lets say that the army actually gets some competent generals. Due to this, I get rewarded the rank of Lieutenant and you get demoted to Private. Now who do I start bi*chin’ to?” Rai whispered.

“Well, Lieutenants usually pass their complaints to the Sergeants; then the Sergeants bi*ch about their Lieutenant’s bi*ching to the Colonels; then the Colonel’s bi*ch about their Sergeant’s bi*ching about their Lieutenant’s bi*chng to the Generals, that’s Pokemon like Articuno and Zapdos; then finally the Generals bi*ch about their Colonel’s bi*ching about their Sergeant’s bi*ching about the Lieutenant’s bi*ching to the Congress. The whole system revolves around the theory of passing the problem on until someone fixes it.” Sarge replied.

He wasn’t kidding that much either. He had tried to order better chow for his troops to replace the Milktank gruel they had to digest. The blankets they sleep in were also unacceptable; its thickness was barely four millimeters long. However, his commanding officer simply said “shut the fu*k up and get outta my fu*kin’ tent now, fu*kin’ redneck” when Sarge tried to address these issues.

A jet of flame shot out from the distance, barely singing the top of Sarge’s head. The attack was unexpected, like all attacks in the Roninto forest. It usually consisted of shouting and random attacks thrown everywhere. The platoon leader that managed to gain control of his squad first usually came out the winner.

“Holy sh*t!”

“Fu*k, fuc*k, where that come from?!?!”

“Oh my God, please don’t let me die…please please pleas…”

More random shouting, more chaos, and more death. The veteran Charmeleon sighed to himself before he issued his order.

“Keep your heads low and your asses down,” Sarge barked as two more flamethrowers and thunderbolts soared above him, “ all of you need to get outta my as* and crawl to a position where you can fight.”

Careful to keep his head low, Sarge scanned the horizon, trying to pinpoint the location of the aggressors. He tried unsuccessfully to block out the screams and cries of his comrades. The attacks were becoming more organized. The inaccurate sporadic firing of thunderbolts and water guns slowly dwindled. Volleys of accurate leaves, fire, water, and thunder replaced it. Sarge could barely keep his head up for three seconds before another volley of elements came at him.

This was precisely the Johto guerilla captain’s plan. By continually shooting an onslaught of attacks, he was hoping to prevent the Kanto platoon from forming an efficient firing line. Though Sarge’s group outnumbered his guerilla fighters 35 to 21, Sarge’s group was in a very poor position. Only 10 Kanto troops had a firing angle on the Johto captain’s camouflaged postion. Of those 10, only four seemed to have the balls to fight back: Sarge, Rai, Blademan, and Sharpe. The rest of the platoon were clearly green from inexperience. Trembling like lambs, they cried for mercy after every casualty. The Grovile guerilla looked out through a small opening in the brush he was hiding in. Slowly, his mouth formed a huge smile, revealing revolting decayed teeth. His plan was working perfectly.

“Sharpe, can you spot their position?” Sarge barked over the cries of his shell-shocked Privates and the groans of his wounded ones.

“Yea Sarge, they’re camouflaged in the heavily wooded area north of here, see-“ he was interrupted by a loud clash of thunder. “-See those fallen trees? The basta*rds are there.”

“God damnit, you fuc*kers need to get your head outta’ my as* and FIGHT BACK,” Rai screamed over the dinning chaos.

However, the privates didn’t seem to be able to comprehend their squad leader’s orders. Some cowardly and greener ones have even got on their feet and starting fleeing, only to be gunned down by a fury of attacks. The tropical scent was replaced by the odor of roasted flesh and flowing blood. Sarge looked around and counted 12 dead bodies. Their blood mixed with the water puddles on the ground, covering the dirt in red. Sarge flinched when a wave of Razor Leafs pierced a fleeing Squirtle by him. Shards of the turtle Pokemon’s shell fell on his face and stung his neck. Finally, a leaf went straight through the young creature’s head, dropping him dead. Bits of brain fell on the ground by the body.

“Fu*k fu*k fu*k, Rai, Blademan, Sharpe WE NEED TO GO BACK.” Sarge shouted. They were losing the numbers advantage. Staying would just mean more bloodshed.

“We ain’t retreating back nowhere if we don’t return some as*-whooping,” Rai said as he shot thunderbolts at the unseen enemy, “FU*KIN COWARDS, FIGHT ME!”

“Rai’s right,” said Blademan through a gashed lip as he flung arcs of bright yellow energy blades at the distant shadow, “we need to provide cover fire if we want to fall back.”

The air filled with dust as the attacks landed closer and closer to Sarge’s head. Sarge squinted through the fiery sandstorm. He could barely see…

“Rai, Blade, Sharpe, attack the dirt in front of us, create some sort of a dust screen.” Sarge coughed out, the dust was getting into his lungs.

As attack after attack hit the ground, the air filled with more thick sediment. Sarge couldn’t tell how many of his soldiers were still behind him…or alive for that matter. He could still feel the warmth of attacks soaring over him, but it was now or never. He had to make his move before the dust settles.

“Retreat, FULL RETREAT TO THE RINTO RIVER!”

The leader got up from the ground and ran from the enemy, the chaos, and the death. A thunderbolt singed his arm, but he couldn’t feel it. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins as he passed rows after rows of trees. He could see nothing but a green blur…live another day...live another day..

Sarge felt a sharp pain shoot up from his back. He keeled over into the ground, rolling with agony. Slowly reaching for his back, he felt his own blood gushing out of the wound. The fallen Lieutenant looked around at his soon-to-be gravesite. The battle sounds were replaced by an eerie silence. There was no friendly face to comfort him in this dire moment. Instead, he will die in the company of inanimate trees. He will die alone. He coughed out, spraying blood out.

“Sh*t, I’m gonna die here, I’m gonna die a slow death. I’m gonna bleed to death…I’m gonna die…No one will find me…. Damn trees…” Sarge whimpered as he coughed out, spraying another slab of blood on…Rai?

“Snap outta it Sarge, I got ya…” Rai whispered soothingly as the mouse picked up his leader’s fallen body, “we’re going home now…we’re going home now.”

Rai saw the jagged leaf sticking out of Sarge’s body. It’s going to have to wait, he thought. He started running towards the Rinto River…to life…

“Sh*t Sarge, may I suggest 1-800-Jenny Craig once this god damn war is over,” Rai joked. The great oaf was no joke to carry even after weeks of short food supplies. Also, Rai thought, the best thing to do was to calm the lizard down so he won’t lose any more blood.

His ears dimmed for a minute. He could hear nothing except an annoying buzzing sound. The shrew saw leaves sticking up from the ground. Quickly but gently Rai put Sarge on the ground and faced the Bayleef that stood behind him. The mouse scanned his foe. His eyes immediately fell on the strange polygonal markings the leaf Pokemon had tattooed all over its body. So that’s the sign of Lugia. Rai reached up for his buzzing right ear. He felt something wet. Heh, couples of inches lower and I’ll be dead right alongside Sarge….

The Bayleef sent another round of leaves at Rai, but this time the veteran mouse was ready. A small bolt of thunder deflected each leaf. Clink. Clink. Clink. Bayleef waved his head to send yet another round, but the leaves never came out. Instead, like a tall tree getting cut down by a woodsman, the long slender neck of the grass Pokemon fell from the rest of its torso. The head rolled to the right of the body for a few inches before coming to a rest. The stump on the body was like a geyser spraying out blood. It stumbled around for a few seconds before falling alongside its separated head.

“What the hell are you waiting for, come the fu*k along, evac is coming” ordered Blademan. His blade was glowing. He quickly turned and ran north.

“Thanks, I owe you one,” Rai said as he struggled to keep up with his bug friend.

Don’t worry Sarge you’ll be O.K.” Blademan said as he stared at the semi-unconscious reptile in Rai’s arms, “fu*k that’s a giant piece of green sh*t, we have any healing Pokemon in our platoon?” he asked as he saw the leaf protruding out of Sarge’s bloody back.

“Even if we did, they’re probably dead now.” Rai replied. So many dead…

The lush greens became fewer and smaller. Light was beginning to poke through. The sound of rushing water could be heard nearby. It feels so warm, Sarge thought to himself. Rai and Blademan moved through the clearing and onto a bank by the roaring Rinto River. Magikarp and Goldeen were struggling to swim against the strong current. Other members of the platoon, mostly Pokemon who listened to Sarge’s orders, sat by nursing wounds and shaking heads. There were only 10. Sharpe, the only one left unscathed during the skirmish, was busy trying to stop the bleeding of a badly wounded Elekid.

“Release the haze so the Pidgeot can see us” Blademan ordered. He then turned and ran back into the forest to find more survivors.

Groaning and moaning the survivors reached into their packs and pulled out small purple balls. They dropped them onto the ground, releasing a haze of purple gas.

“Someone get me some tweezers, I need to play doctor on our lizard friend here,” Rai barked.

“Like…Operation? I love that game…me and my sis use to…to…” Sarge yawned and closed his eyes.

“My sister and I, Sarge, my sister and I…” Rai answered back.
 
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S

SillyGoose

Guest
*notes the lack of replies*

Heh, not off to a good start are we.
 

Alastor DMc

Well-Known Member
Well, first and formost, the *'s really interrupt the flow of the story. I'd alter them so they read as english and not ****.

Second, when you're using a pokemon name as a pro-noun, you don't capitalize it, only when the actual name of the pokemon is his species name. Example: Hey, do you guys see that raichu over there? Or, Hey, do you guys see Raichu over there? In the first example, a random raichu is being pointed out by the speaker. In the second example, Raichu is his given name, and thus, it is capitalized by the speaker. It's the same thing as if you were to see any other animal in nature. "The dog ran away" or "The lion stalks the prey." You don't capitalize the name of the animal.

Other then that, it's not a terrible story. I personally don't care for stories that only involve pokemon acting as people, but this seems like a decient attempt. For a prolouge, I'd give it a 7/10 - Good, but not perfect.
 
S

SillyGoose

Guest
Well, I followed your advice and altered the swears. I'll see how many reviews I can get for the first Chapter, which will be A LOT better than this. It should be done by today...
 
F

Familiar

Guest
You do have balls. Merging something epic like war with Pokemon is no easy thing to do. Might I suggest toning down the cursing? I know it was a battle scene, but every few sentences there was a fu*k or sh*t. Anyway, this next chapter might definitely make or break this fic. I want to see some of those things you left out (plot, character development, etc). But for a prologue...

8/10
 
S

SillyGoose

Guest
Chapter 1: Hiding

"The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war." - General Douglas MacArthur

Rai saw the grimace of pain upon his Lieutenant’s face. Regretting mentioning the event, the yellow and orange mouse looked off to the side. Though the 2nd Lieutenant was jealous of Sarge’s rank, he deeply cared about his friend’s welfare. They made the perfect dynamic duo. Sarge was the yin to Rai’s yang. Their friendship has made the dangers of army life somewhat bearable for both of them. A small wind from the south interrupted awkward silence. Rai saw this as an opening to change the course of the conversation.

“Good wind behind our asses, should speed up the operation we have planned tomorrow eh?” remarked Rai.

Sarge shook away the memories of three weeks ago. It’s over, pull yourself together…

“You ready man? It’s gonna be a helluva battle,” the lizard exclaimed, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. Any soldier worth a salt could tell the charmeleon was anxious with dread.

”Yea, I’ll be ready. It’s the lapras transports I’m worried about. I saw them in training, half don’t even know Hyperbeam yet,” Rai said, pretending to ignore the fear he saw in his Lieutenant’s brown eyes.

The platoon leader glanced farther out into the Ollivander Channel and saw a lapras; one of ten thousand that would transport the Kanto force to the beach landing site. It was black in the distance; its head silhouetted against the sun-lit water and heavily shadowed against the distant horizon. Sarge turned back to his friend.

“Ahh, we don’t need Hyperbeam. The Oak will provide us with more than enough firing power. The lapras are only getting us in, then their gone.”

“Still,” Sharpe the nidorino had come on deck and joined in, “I would be more comforted if the thing I’m riding on can spray more than just fountains of water. All the lapras firing Hyperbeams in unison would do a number on those Johto bast*rds.” He added.

Sharpe has proven himself to be a real army man. When they first met, Sarge couldn’t believe the pink (Sharpe, though, preferred “light-red”) rhino actually enjoyed fighting this God-forsaken war. The idea of combat and plunder excited Sharpe. Due to his enthusiasm in BASIC training, he was awarded the rank of Captain without ever stepping on the battlefield. The rest of his company thought he was an “O.K guy”, but didn’t share his compassion for drilling and combat exercises. They preferred Sarge’s mellow attitude, which explains why the red lizard is in charge and not the zealous rhino. Even Sarge had trouble comprehending Sharpe’s decision to enlist. The rest of the platoon was drafted and was sent to Johto against their wishes.

“Where’s Blade?” Sarge asked as he noticed the fourth member of their gang wasn’t with them to enjoy what may be their last day on Earth.

“Off writing to a letter to his wife,” Rai smirked as he imitated flicking a whip while making a “pshhhh” sound.

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Blademan was lying on his moth-eaten bunk. The room was dark except for the light from a dim lamp by the bug Pokemon’s bedside. A blue fountain pen was in his mouth and a piece of paper was on his lap. He pondered about what he was going to write. The scyther let out an exasperated sigh. This was indeed a dire dilemma. This was potentially the last time his wife will hear from him. A small tear fell from his black eyes.

He still remembered vividly about their last night together. Upon hearing that he was drafted and going to BASIC, the two lover bugs spent their last evening like it was their last. They took out their life savings and bought all the pleasures of Saffron City. Eating at the five-star restraint, La Shiere; walking along the moonlit beach, feeling the silky sand between their toes; making love in one of the Hilton suites overlooking the bright city lights of downtown Saffron. Blademan smiled. He especially liked the latter. It was the best sex they had since they were rebellious hormone-overdosed teenagers. Blademan closed his eyes to recapture that beautiful night just one more time…

The bug Pokemon yawned as he sat up to begin writing. He spat out the fountain pen and gently cut out a small opening with the tip of his blade. Back in Saffron, other scythers laughed at his previous futile attempts to write. However, his efforts paid off. Now, the pen and paper provided a fun diversion from the depressing army life. With his blade jammed firmly in the pen, he began to write.

Dearest Sarah

I hope the kindergartners aren’t giving you too hard a time. Just remember that child abuse is 10 to life in Saffron. Not much action for the last month or so…


He definitely wasn’t going to mention the skirmish three weeks ago…he wanted his wife to think he was happy and at peace for his final few weeks of life. The scyther regained his train of thought and continued to write.

I think something big is coming up though. It might be a few weeks before you hear from me again. By the way, can you send some more cream puffs? The last batch was “exquisite”. I wouldn’t know though due to the fat-as* mouse eating practically the whole box. This time I’ll be sure to find a better hiding place than under my pillow. Oh, by the way, during my travels I heard this song being sung by the local Johonians. It has a catchy tune, but I like the lyrics the best. I’ll find a way to send the tape recording to you in my next letter.

I see those faces
Hear those voices
Waving flags until they break
Their message to me is to fight well
Be brave
I look at the sky
And into the nether
Between the clouds I see them waving
From the decks of the great fleet
I say goodbye to my land of birth
Goodbye to my wife
Goodbye to my son
I look to the place where the sky arches
Above the great land of Kanto
I bow down
I swear I will fight well…


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Dinner was a rowdy affair at the K.S.S Oak. Each division occupied two tables, except for the 1st Kanto Ranger Regiment. They had four large tables just for themselves, not to mention first dibs at the grub. A crowd of pikachu cameramen and jigglypuff reports crowded around their table, asking them about the Kanto Army’s “great exploits”. Occasionally, Pokemon from other divisions sent scathing looks at their more popular comrades, envying the publicity they’re receiving. Indeed, the 1st Kanto Ranger Regiment was Kanto’s sweethearts and one of the media’s most celebrated units. Being a member of the squad meant free respect, T.V appearances, and easy girls with their legs split open. Though other divisions, such as Sarge’s 29th Infantry Division, did the same amount of work, they received scant attention. Sarge smirked at the smug expression on the leader of the 1st Ranger Regiment, Raynor the scizor.

“Tell us about your decisive victory during the campaign on Rona Island?” asked an eager-eyed jigglypuff.

“Well, all our victories were decisive. However, I say the battle for Hill 400 was the most important. Our regiment was the first one sent and under extreme circumstances and insurmountable odds, we destroyed many of their heavy artillery, thus allowing our infantry to secure the hill in the morning.”

Raynor is really laying it thick, Sarge thought.

It was true that they were the first ones sent in. However, they failed to mention that Sarge’s division accompanied them during the nighttime raids. Raynor also failed to remember that the 1st Ranger Regiment only killed 2 tyranitars and 3 metagross, while his division killed over 10 artillery Pokemon. Sarge himself slew an impressive three octillery.

“Son of a bi*ch, I want to beat his as* so bad.” Rai growled through clenched teeth.

“Don’t let army politics get you, my friend,” Sarge said as he turned his attention back to his plate of meatloaf and potatoes.

“Yea, we have more important events to worry about, such as how the hell to live past tomorrow,” Sharpe answered, not even his zealous attitude can cloud the ominous feeling he has.

“We will, we haven’t died yet have we?” Blademan said. “After all, we’re going with the great 1st Ranger Regiment, I’m sure under their great leadership we can survive,” he joked.

“Man, I think after this operation people will begin to realize who really wears the pants in the Kanto army,” Rai said as he leaned back on his chair, “Raynor and his goons just bring us the chow after we’re done killing the Charlies.”

A passerby Ranger heard Rai’s insults.

“Hey, fu*k you,” the cocky charmander said, “we’ll be pass the bluffs and climbing the sea wall before you guys finish jerking behind the shingle.”

Rai made a furious move to get up, but Sarge held him down with a claw.

“Calm down, save it for operation,” Sarge said sternly, “we’re all going to have to rely on each other if we still want our asses intact after tomorrow.”

Rai nodded and sat down again while the charmander walked off to the Ranger table. “Fu*kin idiots,” he muttered under his breath.

“I said quiet down, we don’t need none of that sh*t before this operation.”

Rai grabbed his fork and started eating his carrots. Shoveling them would be more accurate. Unable to vent his anger on a creature, he decided to take it out on his food. Sarge shook his head and chuckled under his breath. Same old Rai. But was he still the same? Ever since that fateful skirmish three weeks ago, he felt a part of him was lost, cut away by the leaf that wounded him. Lately, he’s been taking anti-depressants to combat his gloomy feeling, but all that did was give him a bad case of diarrhea. He could tell he’s not fooling anybody. Under his veil of confidence, he was nothing more than a scared little boy, crying for his mother after each furious artillery assault. Feeling a tear coming from his eye, Sarge got up from the table.

“Get some sleep guys, tomorrow is gonna be a long day,” Sarge said as he yawned and went to empty his plate at the trash dispenser.

“Night pal”

“Sweet dreams, and I mean that”

“Good night, don’t let the bedbugs bite” Blade said, “You aren’t fooling anyone…you’re scared and sh*tting your pants just like me” he thought.

“What’s the deal with the Lieutenant?” said an electabuzz nearby once Sarge is out of earshot.

“Yea, remember two weeks ago when news came that the Giovanni is going to support us during the invasion? He said ‘It’s going to get pretty loud.’ I say he’s losing his nerve after that wound.”

“Word has it, our lizard leader has turned to pacifism” quipped a young soldier named Dunn.

Rai heard the mutterings behind Sarge’s back. He didn’t like what he was hearing…

“All right, you guys need to stop di*king around and stop gossiping during training drills. Jesus Christ no wonder we got our asses handed to us during that skirmish. The whole ground was covered in sh*t that came from your pants during that attack. There was more pee and sh*t than there was blood. Now, lets get it straight here partner. He’s not a fu*kin pacifist “ Rai loved picking on the younger members of the division. He felt it gave him a sense of power that he always wanted, whether it was in Vermillion City or the army. He continued his ranting.

“Jesus Christ, Sarge a fu*kin’ monk, you gotta’ be shi*ting me Dungbag.” Rai scoffed, “This is the guy that killed 3 octillery single-handedly during Rona. No f*cking way you talk to your CO like that before an operation like this. The night before D-Day and here you are starting a godd*mn mutiny. Tell you what, everybody just shut the hell up right now. It’ll save you from the wrath of Sarge, you know how sharp those claws are…now get the hell to bed.”

The three inexperienced troops quickly got up and bolted to bed after muttering an apology. Rai leaned back on his chair with a victorious look on his face. Rai considered Dunn an “O.K guy”, but that was usually in-between cans of Budweiser. The GI wasn’t smart, but at least he wasn’t like the idiots that usually landed in the 29th. He rarely ran into trouble, but he certainly didn’t go out of his way to make Sarge’s job easier. Don’t let me down Sarge, Rai thought to himself.

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“Hey. If you're sitting there, listening to this sh*t stained tape...it means I’ve bit the bullet. Let me tell you, it wasn’t an experience I want to repeat twice! Not that I can even if I wanted to, hahaha! Alright, alright, bad joke. You might not know when you'll get back home, but you better not be crying! Although, I guess I'd understand. But you know what? There's a time when you have to stop crying and move on. You'll be fine. Remember that you're my son. And... Well, uhhhhh... Jesus f*ukin Christ never mind. You know I'm a dumbas* with these things. F*uk it, what I’m trying to say is… You’ll be fine…I believe in you. You’re the man of the house now. Be good to your mother. Goodbye…I love…you.”

“I love you too, dad” Sarge whispered and he put the tape recorder down on his flea-bitten bed table, “I promise to fight well…I’m sorry I couldn’t…protect mother. I was too weak…I’m sorry.”

Sleep was overpowering him. With a final sob, he let his head fall on his tear stained pillow.

“I’m sorry”

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Well, that’s it. Plenty of action in the next chapter, I promise you that. Please, please review.
 
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Overwhelming_Latias

Well-Known Member
WOW. I have to admit, I've not seen a fic this bold in a very long time.

It's already been said, but mixing such a sensitive subject as war with Pokemon can result in two things: people leaving disgusted by waht you're doing, or people actually enjoying what you've written. Good war related fics are really difficult to come by, so kudos to you for having the courage to pen one.

One thing. Be careful you don't double post solely to bump your fic up the board. Double posting is against the rules, and I'm not totally sure on this, but is probably only exceptable if a new chapter is posted after you've responded to a review.

I think the swearing is excessive, but it works well. I read a novel for my AS Level English Lit, entitled 'Snow Falling On Cedars' (a debut novel by David Guterson). While the novel itself regarded the 'murder' of an islander and trial of a Japanese-American, there were quite a few scenes from WW2 in it. One features USA troops attacking a Japanese outpost, and there is a LOT of swearing there. It flows in with the narrative, highlighting the emotions of the troops as they face their deaths.

Your fic needs to cut down on the swearing a little. I felt it was perhaps unnecessary onboard the K.S.S Oak, but was well-placed when the attack occured.

Your description is actually very good. From the battleship's interior to Rai's warwound to the guerilla attack, it was all very vivid. Excellent work.

Your spelling, punctuation and grammar are mostly good, but make sure you SpellCheck AND proof-read it after finishing the typing-up.

Anyhoo, keep it up and lemme know when the next chapter is up. :D

-OL
 

Manulya

Terror of Death
You asked me to review so sure. Right now, I only have time for the prologue though, but in a few days I will review the chapters.

Daring. Thats the first thing I have to say about your fic. IT s interesting and kept me hooked throughout it. But you REALLY have to tone down on the swearing. I know its a warfic but still I think Dave Chapelle swears less than that.

You used Charmeleon, thats fine even though I think they're could be better characters for you to use. May I suggest Shuckle? Naah Just kiddin, the Charmeleons cool.

I kinda wish they were humans in it. I havent read the first chapter yet, so I dont know whether they will be added. Also, you gave the Pokemon more of human personas, but thats just my opinion.

Another thing I dont like is the referrals of outside the Pokemon but that doesnt matter; its just one of my pet peeves.

Normally, when Im asked to review Id tear it apart and point out every mistake. (for their own good ofcourse). But besides a few minor grammar mistakes, the storys mechanics is pretty good. I will look forawrd to reading more providing you tone down on the swearing. ;manyula;
 
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SillyGoose

Guest
Thanks Alastor, Familiar, OL, and Manulya for the reviews. Yes, war a touchy subject, but it can't be sweeped under the carpet. Hopefully, this story can show the serebii forum members the harsh realities of war.

After much debating, I've decided to tone down the swearing, even for the upcoming invasion. Manuyla, I don't get what "referrals of outside the Pokemon" means. Can you please elaborate?
 
F

Familiar

Guest
Your welcome

Chapter 1 was a lot better than the Prologue, not that the Prologue sucked in anyway. I liked how to began to dive deeper itnto your four main characters, showing their thoughts, emotions, fears, etc. The letter and the tape recording scenes was a nice touch. Consider me a permanent reader. Looking foward to your next few chapters.
 
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SillyGoose

Guest
Hmm…sure a lot of phantom readers in this thread….

Anyway, since I know people are reading, I’ve decided to continue the fic. I’ll think of it this way; now I don’t have to post links to chapters like those other 1000 reply threads :D. BTW, here’s some spoilers…

With a quick wave of his hand, Sarge motioned for Wes and Prescott to follow his lead. Keeping his eyes and mouth trained on the entrance of the mud-splattered pillbox, the Lieutenant sidestepped to the wall right of the entrance. Inside, he could hear the cackling of MG-42’s, pouring death and ruin on his unfortunate comrades still on the beach. Though he was far away from the slaughter at the beachhead, he could hear the cries of anguish and pleas of mercy. His heart, pounding and pumping blood and adrenaline throughout the assault, was reaching a feverish pace. Now he had the element of surprise. He felt warmth beside him. He glanced at the two muscular machoke riflemen behind his back.

“C’mon, we’re ready,” whispered Wes

“Ye-yeah, we’re right behind you,” added Prescott

I have to give them credit, they’re good at acting brave.

Sarge nodded his head. He slid along the wall, scraping clots of mud off in the process. The entrance was getting closer
 
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ShadowCloud62

Child at Heart
A sneak peek, eh? Well, don't reveal too much.
So humans will be a part in this war.
War is a dramatic subject, and mixing that with the happy-go-lucky pokemon thing....that's daring. I'm sure many have said this before, but I mean it just like they do.
However, I think you should tone down the swearing of course. In battle it's fine but casual and in headquarters there shouldn't be that much.
I'm not usually a fan of war stories, but this is enough to get me hooked. Good start, and I'm loving the Charmeleon and the Raichu!
 
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SillyGoose

Guest
Thank you ShadowCloud for your kind words. Yea, I'm definitely trying to find some sort of equilibrium with the swearing. It's still a work in progress. Anyway, the second chapter is half way done and will be up during the weekend.
 
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SillyGoose

Guest
Chapter 2: The End of the Beginning

“The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of a million is a statistic.” –Joseph Stalin

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“They say he went up to the mountains for training. He hasn’t been seen for a week. I’m…getting worried…

“Why do you wish to find him? Hasn’t he done enough to us already? It’s good that he’s gone…

“Do…do you hate him that much? To wish he was dead?”

“Yes ma, and you should too.”

“If we never find him, then you’ll never be able to express your hatred towards him.”


Sharpe woke up with a start. Though his dormitory was warm, he shivered as if a block of ice was put on his belly. The nidorino began to lie down again, snuggling close to his blanket and trying to shake away his childhood memories. The Pokemon wished there were a window in his room. How much longer? He could hear the waves of water crashing against the hull of the ship. The splashing sound soothed him. Slowly, his eyelids began to fall, closing his eyes for another round of slumber…

“ALL SOLDIERS PARTICIPATING IN TODAY’S ASSAULT ASSEMBLE AT THE MESS HALL. ALL SOLDIERS PARTICIPATING IN TODAY’S ASSULT ASSEMBLE AT THE MESS HALL. THIS IS A DIRECT ORDER FROM GENERAL MOLTRES.”

The PA system shook and rang Sharpe’s eardrums. Cursing, he flung off his blankets and jumped down onto the cold floor. He let out another shiver.

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Unlike yesterday’s dinner, the K.S.S Oak mess hall today was a much more somber affair. The brown cafeteria tables were put away and leaned against the south wall. In its place were thousands of wooden chairs, placed neatly in rows of 20. All of them were facing a small portable stage. On the stage was a podium draped by the red and white flag of Kanto. The whole place was abuzz with whispers. Everyone was too jittery to be sitting in the chairs.

“Hey, how much more time we have?”

“Two more hours. I’m not sure though, check with a CO.”

“Is our platoon in the first wave?

“I heard that there are only 100 Johtonians stationed there.”

Sarge, however, didn’t participate in the conversations. He didn’t have the heart to tell his comrades that there will be a lot more than 100 enemy combatants. He didn’t have the heart to tell them the generals were expecting 80% casualty rates. Let them have their hope.

“Holy crap, is that him?”

Soon, the conversations died down. All eyes turned towards the stage. The soldiers’ sleepy eyes soon widened in amazement as a magnificent bird shrouded in golden flame climbed up to the podium. The fire radiated throughout the hall, showering the GIs in a glow of warmth. The dark beady eyes of the bird looked amongst the crowd. No one dared to make a peep; they all thought Moltres was staring at them. Though the General was on the ship throughout the week, he was rarely seen by anyone under the rank of Colonel. To the Pokemon, this was an once in a lifetime event. Jaws were dropped, drool was spilt, and gasps were uttered. One of the Big Three is standing before their eyes, as plain as daylight. Finally, the Moltres spoke.

“You are about to embark upon your Hero’s Journey. This crusade against the Johto abomination, Lugia, was what we have striven for during these past few months. Before you climb down that net and onto your transport crafts, think of your fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, teachers, and friends. Think of them when you see the fortification Lugia has built. Think of them when you are behind the sea wall and your bravery falters. The eyes of the world are watching you. The hopes and prayers of the entire free world will charge with you, fight with you, and bleed with you. With your brothers in arms by your side, you will bring about the destruction of the Johto war machine with one fell swoop. You will bring the elimination of Lugia’s maniac tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Johto. All you soldiers know that I am not a General who pulls any punches. Your monumental task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped, and battle-hardened. He will fight like a savage, biting and scratching till his last desperate breaths. But this is a new era for the war. I like to call it the end of the beginning. During the start of the conflict, Kanto was weak. The countries’ incompetence almost brought it to the brink of destruction. But that has ended. Riding upon the shoulders of brave Pokemon like you, we have inflicted upon the Johtonians great defeat. We captured their innumerous island outposts one-by-one. Our pidgeot and fearow are the new kings of the air. The ships you ride one are second to none. The tide has turned. The free Pokemon of the world are marching and singing together for total victory. I have steadfast confidence in your courage, devotion to duty, and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory. Good luck, and let us all yell out the cry for liberty as you step on that beach.”

The clapping and whooping made a deafening roar. Moltres’ speech incited something deep inside their hearts. Even the mellow Sarge had trouble controlling the emotions brewing inside him. Any lingering fear was wiped away, replaced by fierce nationalism and pride. For five glorious moments, victory seemed certain.

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The wind slapped against the skin of Sarge. His tail fire flickered furiously against the current. The effects of Moltres’ speech wore off a little as the Pokemon looked across the dark and slumbering Ollivander Channel. Fear was beginning to crawl back into their minds. Sarge patted the shoulder of a particularly jittery Private named Wes. The bulky blue machoke nodded in gratitude before he threw his leg over the edge of the ship to begin scaling the net. Below were large rectangular metal boats, each one tied to a lapras. For a while, nothing was heard except the fumbling sound of the net and the swift gale. Blademan finally broke the silence.

“Hey!” The 2nd Lieutenant barked at the Pokemon struggling to climb down. "What are you men doing? Can't you climb a net, soldier? The Johtonians won't wait for you to get down that net when we hit the beach, they'll shoot you if you go at it like that! Christ, use your arms, people, use your arms!"

The men muttered their misgivings as they struggled on the netting, shoulders and backs aching under their seventy-pound packs. Sarge saw that even the smart-as* sandshrew, Dunn, knew this was a time to keep his mouth shut and his feet moving. The charmeleon watched as his platoon slowly faded as they dropped into the cold mist. A thump was heard; someone has made it on the boat. With his keen eyes, Blademan stared down at the transport craft.

“That’s it! Now that’s a soldier for you! Eager for battle, good job Prescott!

A faint “thanks sir” was heard from Prescott the machoke.

Soon, more thumps were heard. Sarge looked around at the K.S.S Oak one more time. He gazed at the flapping Kanto flag atop the tallest control tower. With a glance towards Blademan, the Sarge nodded his head.

“Lets go.”

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Rai let his paw sift through the ocean. He closed his eyes, letting the churning of the water calm his nerves. Sarge was counting on him, and Rai was not going to let him down because of jittery nerves. Sarge has left Rai in charge of B Company while he handled the reins of A Company. The newly made commander let his soldier’s mingle with each other while he cleaned his new CO insignia.

"You guys ever wonder what'll happen if we don't get over the sea wall?" a Private asked off-handedly. The blastoise was called Mel, known to be the squad's most sarcastic mind.

"We'll get past," Sharpe, answered. "The Johtonian’s sh*tty aim ain’t gonna’ pry me off that place.”

"There he goes again," Mel replied, "the world's greatest GI!"

Sharpe didn’t answer. The squad was close enough, though they had their differences. Though Mel has proven himself in combat, he was almost against fighting the war. Some have even considered Mel a pessimist. On the other hand, Sharpe’s spirit and personal devotion to victory made him the center of morale in the 29th Infantry Division. However, combat has made the two put aside their differences.

"He's got a point, though," an ivysaur named Penn joined in, "Rai says that the only Johtonians garrisoning the place are baby and old Pokemon."

"That's right, son," Mel mimicked the newly minted company commander's Vermillion accent. "You boys don't have to worry about them Johto’s in Owl-e-vine City, because most of the defenders are old senile Pokemon and pre-puberty toddlers."

The entire company broke into chuckles as Rai let out a low menacing growl.

"It doesn’t matter to be,” Mel went on, using his normal voice. "I don't put too much stock on it. Attacks, guns, and grenades hurt, no matter if the guy shooting or throwing is fifteen or fifty."

"That’s right," Rai offered as he polished his CO badge. "A hit is a hit, all it takes is one attack or bullet and you're a casualty."

The company already knew that, but Rai wondered if they actually applied it. They were still cocky, probably from the victory of the Rona campaign. The platoon still thought they were immortal. The troops always thought the poor soul next to them would be the one hit. Everyone thought they were invincible until they were put down. Rai wiped his badge a final time and held it to the sky.

"Very nice, Rai," Penn mentioned, not really looking.

"You could sleep with that thing.” Mel said, then added, "Too bad it's the only thing you'll ever sleep with."

A distance explosion interrupted the laughing. Rai turned his head toward the direction of the beach. It was starting.

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Ace the pidgeot has seen many battles, the roughness of his feathers can attest to that. But this is the first time he participated in a battle of this scale. There were thousands of pidgeot, fearow, and farfetch’d around him, all of them heading for the same place: the beaches of Olivine. Their claws were gripping robotic electrodes, all stuffed to the brim with TNT. Though real electrodes had to capacity to do more damage, Congress outlawed using them because “it violated their natural right of life.” The pidgeot commander descended a few feet to avoid the turbulence he was starting to receive. His keen eyes penetrated the thick fog. He could see the fortifications. The time to strike was now. He issued his order into the communication set attached to his ear.

“All right gentlemen, get ready to tango with the wife. I repeat, get ready to tango with the wife.”

The birds stopped flapping and held their wings to their side. They started descending, the wind whipping across their eyes and beaks. Soon, their altitude was 5000 feet…4800 feet…4600 feet…

“Reach 3000 feet in the next minute, then hold your level. Find some nice cloud covering once you get there. ” Ace ordered.

Unfortunately, the earth chose that exact time to start clearing its skies. The clouds became less dense. At 3200 feet, the dark blue ocean could be seen clearly. Ace cursed, this was not the weather conditions his commanding officer promised them. Damn army forecasters.

Even more unfortunate, the Johto defenders chose this time to open their anti-aircraft guns. The deafening explosions of the guns shattered the once peaceful skies.

“Evasive maneuvers, EVASIVE MANEUVERS,” Ace shouted into his headset.

The sky was filled with the colorful arcs of the bullets. Indeed, it looked like the squadron was going through a rainbow. Green, white, yellow, blue, and red tracer rounds soared through the air, creating an eerie aurora. Many of the shells found their mark as they pierced into the flesh of the Kanto Air Force. The squadron tried madly to dodge the incoming fire, but it was to no avail. Each hit reverberated with a sickening crunch. If the shells don’t make a direct hit, they were made to explode, sending pieces of shrapnel at the poor flying Pokemon. Like flies dropping to bug spray, birds of all colors and sizes began to plummet towards their deaths. Ace could bear it no longer. The veteran flyer rolled sideways to avoid a shell whipping towards him. The air was getting thick with smoke from the shell’s explosions. This was too much. Too much pain. Too much blood. Too much death. They had to unload and retreat.

“Drop your electrodes and fl-“

His sentence was cut short. Ace’s eyes filled with shock as he felt something pierce through his skin. He could feel the wind coming through the newly imprinted hole on his body. Slowly, the pidgeot stopped flapping his wings. Down the bird went. Streams of blood from the wound trickled through air as he plummeted through the sky.

“Damn…ba…stards…”

With that, he let go of his electrode and began to close his eyelids. He saw the hard concrete ceiling of the fortification getting closer…closer…closer…

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SPLASH

Sarge received another mouthful of water. The bodies of dead pidgeot, fearow, and farfetch’d fell from the sky like rain. Their impact created ripples through the water. One dead fearow even landed inside the craft, creating quite a stir amongst the platoons.

“Holy SH*T, GET IT OUT”

“HOLY FU*K”

“JESUS…WE NEED TO GO BACK”

The lapras were getting edgier as it saw dead bodies drop from the air. Instead of going in a straight line towards the beach, it started zigzagging erratically, giving its passengers the equivalent of a Disneyland ride.

“Shhhh…shhh…it’s O.K,” Sarge said as he stroked the frightened young lapras. Blademan, meanwhile, was busy dumping the fearow’s body into the ocean.

Sarge looked out towards the beach. Though fog covered most of the fortifications, he had a clear view of the landing site. There were steel posts stuck onto the ground. Strewn between every two poles was razor-sharp barbed wire. Few of the electrode bombs hit the defensive fencing. Instead, the beach was littered with the bodies of Kanto bird Pokemon. Bodies of some of the flyers hung on the wire like a horrible crucifixion scene. Dunn vomited into the ocean as Prescott and Wes fidgeted with their M16 rifles. Some in the company even started crying. Sarge didn’t stop them; he wanted to join them. However as CO, he didn’t have the right to cry. His troops looked up to him for morale. It was his duty to provide that support, no matter how grim things looked. Sarge shouted over the drowning chaos.

“Prepare to land, I repeat, PREPARE TO LAND!”

“You heard Sarge, GET READY MEN, THIS IS IT!” Blademan answered.

“No more than groups of three! Any more than that will make you a tasty target for gunners!” Sarge shouted

Machine gun bullets had already began to punch through the ramp of the landing craft. Once the ramp dropped, as if on queue, murderous fire, leaves, thunder, and poison stings joined the hail of bullets. The attacks pierced into their ranks. Whole platoons were slaughtered during the first few seconds alone. The landing points were swathed with beach obstacles. X-shaped metal shingles and barbed wire forced the Kanto attackers into concentrated fields of fire.

Sarge began shoving his men out of the craft before jumping out the side and into the ocean. Underwater, torrents of bullet rounds went into the Channel around him, tracking erratic lines of frothing water. Some barely missed his face. Others were not so lucky as the bullets pierced their lungs and sent them to their watery grave. Even worse were the thunder attacks that conducted through the water. A particularly nasty zap could kill a dozen Pokemon in an instant. The water started to turn crimson from the blood of his comrades. Sarge popped his head out of the water and waded directly into a floating mass of bodies. Once his feet felt the sandy beach, he ran towards the protective covering of the shingles.

Assault companies were rushing out of the landing craft as best as they could. Though more and more soldiers managed to make it on the beach, there were still not nearly enough troops for a charge towards the sea wall. Instead, the Pokemon hid from the onslaught behind the shingle, praying for deliverance. Elements collided with the ground around the attackers. It was as if Mother Earth went mad. Streams of bullets ricocheted off the shingles as the Johto defenders poured on a devastating barrage of suppressive fire. Sarge gasped for breath behind the shingle. Here and there he saw a few of his Pokemon, hiding behind the shingle. Blademan was busy tending to a wounded Pokemon three shingles to the right of him.

As more soldiers poured on the beach, more bullets and elements met them. Fire and thunder roasted the Pokemon’s flesh. Leaves splintered their bones. Acidic water burned their skin. Bullets ripped through their tissue. Rai’s B Company began to unload, reinforcing the little foothold the Kanto soldiers created behind the shingle. Though the fire they received was not nearly as intense as Sarge’s company, many were still killed almost immediately after the ramp dropped. The hail of attacks created a pile of dismembered limbs and tattered organs on B Company’s craft. Rai and Sharpe waded through the water, constantly within earshot of a machine gun bursts and attacks slapping into the water or hitting a soldier moving in. Meanwhile, soldiers on the beach were busy shoving dead bodies in front of them as a shield.

The situation worsened as Hyperbeams began blasting away the shingles, killing everyone behind it in one fell swoop. The attackers were becoming the attacked. Hyperbeam would soon eliminate all cover on the beach, making it a sandy slaughterhouse. The troops knew this, but they were paralyzed with fear. They were becoming shell-shocked. Sarge knew what he had to do.

"A Company! Get forward damnit!" Sarge shouted as he began to dash towards the sea wall.

“B Company, GET FORWARD!” Rai and Sharpe repeated behind a nearby shingle.

Soon, there was a chorus of "Get to the f*ckin’ sea wall!" along the beach. Like a leak in a dam, the charge for the sea wall slowly grew bigger and bigger. The number of Kanto troops flabbergasted the Johto defenders. The tidal wave of soldiers charging towards the sea wall sent fear into their hearts. The stampede was met with another barrage of bullets, elements, and hyperbeams. Attacks and explosions sent the charging troops flying through the air like rag dolls. Sarge zigzagged from shingle to shingle. Adrenaline enabled him to jump over each row of barbed wire with ease. Behind him, Blademan was slashing through the wire, helping those with less vertical leap to get through. Ahead of him, Sarge saw 200 yards of flat ground, with no cover, and then the sea wall. Sarge hid behind another row of the shingles, waiting for reinforcements to catch up.

The sea wall was anywhere from four to twelve feet high, and provided protection from the attacks and machine guns situated on the bluff. However, the concrete pillboxes towered over the wall, meaning infantry that reached it would essentially be pinned down. But, at the moment, there was no better place to go. Sarge looked around, Rai, Sharpe, and Blademan were no where in sight. Two machokes dived for the protective shingles, one on each side of Sarge.

“Heh, always have to lead by example, eh?” Prescott asked as he got up and fidgeted with his rifle.

Sarge didn’t answer. Too much was going through his mind. Wes, on the other hand, was too busy gasping for air to talk. Soon, more troops began arriving at the pit stop.

“We gotta’ keep moving,” Sarge yelled as more troops poured in. He winced when a soldier just inches away from cover got hit flush in the forehead by a bullet

Instead of heeding their lieutenant’s order, the troops scrambled tighter against the beach obstacles, kept their bellies to the ground, cradled in the sand. Fire continued to spray down on the assault companies, There would be heavy losses, heavier than already incurred, if they started an advance across the open beach. The troops knew this, and that’s why they didn’t budge.

"Let's get moving!" Sarge repeated.

"Sir," Dunn replied, "The fire's too heavy, we won't make it across!"

Sarge looked out before him and saw nothing but the open beach, where a few teams had attempted to charge forward, only to be cut down in the murderous crossfire. The sky of Olivine was a deep gray, overcast. He looked behind him, where the lapras were pulling out and, their once magnificent shells shattered and broken. And around him, the claps of thunderbolts, heat of flamethrowers, burning of acid hydro pumps, and red tracer rounds of machine guns were smashing the 29th Infantry Division into crimson pieces of disintegrated flesh. Officers shouted over the boom and crash and screams of hyperbeams, but their straining voices were lost in the sea of cries from the wounded.

Sarge gave a glaring glance at his men, "We will move off this beach, and we will advance up to the sea wall. You don't have a choice, not with those Johtonians shooting down on you out here." Sarge watched as an electrubuzz and executor nearby were pierced by a burst of machine fire that ripped through their bodies violently, spraying a crimson mist around them as the high-velocity rounds tore through them.

"Once them tyranitars and octillery charge up again, we’ll be dead if we still lie here. Sitting on your asses will only make you lose it!"

His Pokemon nodded, gaining some sense through their fear. The heavy defensive fire on the beach terrified the men, paralyzed them; Sarge’s calm voice soothed them in this time of terror. Sarge himself was afraid. He had no idea if Blademan, Rai, and Sharpe were still alive. He could not hesitate. He could not freeze. As an officer, he held a responsibility to the men under him.

"Le-," Sarge stopped as he saw Rai and Sharpe in the distance leading an assortment of men for the sea wall. “GO GO GO!

Sarge’s men pushed themselves up from the dark brown sand and began their mad dash for survival. Soldiers fell around him, but the charge didn’t lose its steam. Johto MG-42s slew many, but on they charged. Thunderbolts, hyperbeams, and flamethrowers seared their flesh, but they didn’t stop. Poison stings and razor leaves cut through their heart, but they were not deterred. Sarge felt himself lose his balance. Horrified, he looked back: his legs were caught in the corpse of a dead graveler. The charmeleon struggled madly to pull himself free. The sharp jagged skin of the rock Pokemon were scraping his skin off as he tried to wiggle out. Suddenly, he felt two Pokemon grab his hand.

“C’mon Wes, PULL DAMNIT!” shouted an eccentric Prescott.

“F*CK, C’MON, F*CK,” was Wes’ reply. Bullets stung their feet. Explosions burned their skin. Yet they continued pulling.

Without warning, the body of the graveler split in two. A blade of energy whipped past Sarge and the two machokes. With one final heave, the machokes got their CO free. Quickly, Sarge got on his feet and looked back. He nodded in gratitude towards Blademan. Blademan nodded in return.

“Lets get the f*ck outta here,” Blademan said as he sprinted past the trio.

The first few Pokemon began reaching the sea wall. Sarge sprinted forward, intending to reach his destination in this last burst. A few soldiers called for help, for mothers and fathers, for God, but no one came to help them. They were wasting their breaths. Sarge saw one soldier go down to a knee, his foot sliding beneath him. The soldier was Dunn. Sarge grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him forward, the soldier crying out as he did so. He'd been hit in the knee, and only now did Sarge see the blood on the sand, the shattered bone creasing through his exposed leg. He motioned for Wes and Prescott to keep going.

"Come on, let's go," Sarge grunted while he helped the wounded soldier to his other leg, "Let's go, get moving."

Dunn the sandshrew groaned with each step forward, and Sarge kept him moving, even as he saw the soldier's knee begin to swing at odd angles. They reached the rise in level sand a moment later, a machine gun and flamethrower having tracked them the entire fifty meters to cover.

After what seemed like an eternity, the two pushed themselves against the sea wall. Explosions and bullets shook their head and stung their feet, but their body was safe under the protective wall. Once covered, the lieutenant looked for Rai and Sharpe, but they were no where to be found. He let himself slide down on the sea wall. His vision was blurred, his mind confused. Never has Sarge felt so useless. At least…not since then…

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“Hush now, mommy needs your help now. Can you do that?”

BOOM BOOM “OPEN THE DOOR NOW DAMNIT!”

The young baby-faced charmander nodded. He knew something serious was coming up. Never has he seen his mother so anxious and scared. Frankly, the look of terror on his mom’s face frightened him. The female charizard set the young Pokemon down by his bed.

BOOM BOOM “OPEN THE DOOR OR ELSE. OPEN IT NOW”

“Mommy needs you to hide under the bed. Don’t make a peep or a sound! And whatever happens, DON’T GET OUT. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. This is the most important part of your mission. Can you do it?”

BOOM BOOM “OPEN IT NOW!”

The charmander nodded as began to slide under his bed. His small frame easily slid through.

“You’re a good soldier, just like daddy huh? Now it’s time for mommy’s mission.”

The charizard ran out of the child’s room. The smashing of a door was heard. The charmander scooted deeper inside under his bed.

“Stop it, PLEASE, I’m begging you. We have nothing here!”

“Well well, what ya’ know!” the cold voice of a Blaziken’s was heard, “if it ain’t the famous General Hakar’s wife?

“Well, I’ll be damn if it is!” answered a Combusken in a sarcastic tone.

“STO-o-o“

A deadly silence followed. The sounds of crickets chirping filled the house. The charmander heard the stairs creak. Fear trembled through his whole body. “Mama…” it whispered.

The footsteps grew closer and closer to his room. From under the bed, he saw the feathered feet of a Combusken outside in the hallway. The feet turned towards the door. A puddle of sweat started to form under the charmander.

“Fu*k it, lets go. There’s nothing in this joint,” a voice called from downstairs. “Heh, Hakar must be spending it on some other lady, cuz’ there ain’t sh*t here!”

“Ha! Like that geezer can get another one!” Combusken answered.

The footsteps slowly died away as the Pokemon went back down the hallway and to the stairs. Another series of creaks and squeaks were heard as Combusken descended to the first floor. Charmander kept quiet for the next 15 minutes. After he was sure the two invaders were gone from the house, the young boy started to cry.

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Some of you might be wondering why I didn’t include the spoiler I posted. I did, it’s just in Chapter 3. You see, I decided to split the attack up into 2, maybe even 3 chapters. Don’t worry though, the chapters won’t just be long descriptive lists of bloodshed. We’ll delve deeper into the character’s flashbacks. This chapter mainly focused on Sarge. Next chapter will focus on Rai and Sharpe.
 
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Brian Random

I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!
Prologue:
I never thought that I’d be reading a war story in the pokemon forums… very interesting plot but I do have a few problems with it…

1. There’s a lot of swearing, I suggest that you tone it down a little bit. This feels like a rated 18 story rather than a PG13.

2. You could’ve described what each pokemon looked like before referring them with their proper names so that the readers would know what they look like.

3. Spelling and grammar’s okay but you should spell check and proof read. I’ll show a couple of errors I spotted:
Heh, couples of inches lower and I’ll be dead right alongside Sarge….
There’s an extra full stop after the (…) symbol, you ought to take the last one out. Also, you forgot to put in the speech marks (“”) in this sentence.

4. If you must hide the swear words, instead of typing in words like ‘b*tch, how about typing in, ‘*****’.

Chapter 1:
You’re doing okay with this. I’m getting close to being hooked because of the plot of the story and the characters’ personalities. What’s bugging me is the number of grammar/spelling/tense errors. I’ll show a few here…

which explains why the red lizard is in charge and not the zealous rhino.

“What’s the deal with the Lieutenant?” said an electabuzz nearby once Sarge is out of earshot.
Both have the same tense error. The correct word is ‘was’.

“Night pal”

“Sweet dreams, and I mean that”
Both sentences are not complete. Where are the full stops(.)?”

That’s all the errors I can find for now. Also, you could’ve described a little bit more on the history of the characters, for example: What does BASIC stand for?

With a little more improvement, you could go a long way.

Overall score: 3.5
 
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