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Things Parents Told You When You Were A Kid That You Found Out Were Not True

wolf king

Resistance is futile
I was told that every time I said a bad word, somewhere a child dies.
Oh, shi-

WHAT are you serious! how old where you when they told you that...
 
My mom and my dad practiced something called Elf on the Shelf™.

Now, for those of you who are not Scandinavian (hell, I'm not even Scandinavian and yet my parents practiced this at the suggestion of other parents) Elf on the Shelf™ is basically a seasonal thing. After Thanksgiving, my parents would place a shelf somewhere around the house and it would "observe me" with it's 360º see-through vision to make sure I was being a good boy so I can get presents. It would somehow move to the bedroom to its usual spot to watch me sleep at night, and, while I was sleeping, before I would awake, it would end up in a different place.

Every night, it would somehow end up in my room before I was going to bed and it would be staring right across the room at me while I was sleeping.

This terrified the ever living crap out of me. In fact, during Christmas season, I would sleep in my parents room because it scared the hell out of me and my parents had no idea why.

Flashforward to 2013 and, suffice to say, I realized that Elf on the Shelf™ is a concoction made by the man. ):
 

Latch

Funky Fresh
They told me I'd never find a dinosaur, I found a rubber one yesterday on a wall hanging on a vine.

Seriously though, I was told I'd drop pokemon in a year.It's been 4 years so far and I don't think I'll leave it for a very long time.

I was told that too. It's been 10 years, basically.

Also, for the longest time I thought Easter Bunny was real. Longer than Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Odd.
 

MidnightFennekin

Unwashed skank
If I fap my penis will fall off.

Of course, I was five and I fought it was itching, so yeah..,

They never said fap, though... Just don't do it again or your willy will fall of 0.o
 

Shadow Caster

Plasma Executive
So awkward. o_O ^^^^^^

I was so upset when my parents told me Santa Claus wasn't real... Same with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
My parents would also "take away my nose" when I did something bad... I caught on to that one pretty quickly though... I was only five, so don't blame me for falling for that!
 

Wizardly Oz

Scholar of Insects
Don't click if eight-legged critters bother you.

http://www.backyardnature.net/pix/dll-mex.jpg

I was told that daddy long legs have the most deadly venom of all spiders, but their mouths were too small/round to inject anything. This cautioning made me leary of handling the spindly little dudes.

Now, as an arachnologist, I'd like to point out two key things:
- these guys are not spiders -- arachnids, yes, but they possess a single pair of eyes and a fused body region. But, more importantly...
- they lack venom glands.

It saddens me (and is deeply irksome) that a lot of folks still believe this urban myth.
 

ChloboShoka

Writer
I was told once that if I bite my nails, they would stick out of my throat and kill me and if I sleep with my hair in my mouth, I'll wake up bold.
 

pacman000

On a quest to be the best...
I was told that every time I said a bad word, somewhere a child dies.
Oh, shi-

That's probably true, but your language doesn't cause the children to die. Correlation != Causation.
 

Harmonie

♫ Ad vivere
I don't recall my parents telling me many lies. Now they are Christians, and raised me to be a Christian, and I do not believe in Christianity or God at all anymore. But I do know that wasn't a silly lie that told me to protect me from learning the truths of life too soon, because they believe it themselves, and were only trying to do what they think is right.
 
I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw my dad eating the cookies we always leave out

I'm sorry, but when I read that I couldn't help but laugh, I don't know why...
I was told I would grow out of anime when I was 9, I'm 15 now.
 

Archangel Azazel

Fallen Angel
I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real when I woke up in the middle of the night and saw my dad eating the cookies we always leave out

Holy **** this one re-ignited a memory I had of what my brothers and I did.

Okie so in Mexico we actually wait for the Three Wise Men to leave presents for us. That is only if we leave one of our shoes with our wishlist in the living room.

We did this on January, so when we moved to the US we kinda didn't know Santa was the bringer of presents here only in December. Well, silly us thought that if we put our shoe under the three with our wishlist, The Three Wise Men would show instead of Santa because we Mexican. Well presents arrive the next morning whoop for us. Now in January we think we might get presents again soo.. we did the same thing again. Next morning no presents. We were sad :c

Mother told us that we would be celebrating US Christmas from now on since my father couldn't get more gifts or whatever. Annnndd.. thats kinda how we found out our parents gifted us instead of the Three Wise Men or Santa <.> Its more obvious now that I remember we would go to swap meets and toys stores a couple of days before Christmas or el Dia de Los Reyes Magos <.>

I'm a derp >:c

Also that the boogeyman and el janis would come for you if you behave badly. El janis is more of a true person, but he was a crazy guy who lived around and looked like he was always high. Us kids were scared of being near him for if he saw you he would take you and do horrible things to you. Supposedly. Damn parents.
 

Lass Brooke

Peaceful Trainer
"If you keep making that face, you'll get stuck like that forever." XD
 

Sohryu

Be a Man!
"Keep pointing out to that star and you'll lose your finger! STOP DOING THAT!"
I really don't get it... But they always said I would loose my finger because of a star! WTF!
 
I was so upset when my parents told me Santa Claus wasn't real

I knew that since I was 9 but it was solidified 2 years ago when all the presents under the tree were things that I bought with my own money.
 

Search_Ops_TeamD

ShaggySmurf
Aside from the mexican boogeyman, the chupacabra, and la llorona (mexican version of the bloody marry), I think I lived a fairly realistic childhood. I don't actually remember believing in Santa Claus. And I would lie about believing in the Tooth Fairy just to get some money.
 
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