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Three friends in Hoenn

fire

The beast with in
Chapter 1


It was a sunny morning in the small town of Little Root, as the sun rose over the tree tops and the birds sang there songs. Everything was quiet, except for the snoring coming form one of the houses.

Inside the house lied a young boy, about 13 years old, fast asleep. He was Andrew Ferguson. One of the top trainers at the little root trainer school, along with his two best friends, Brendan and May. He had Brown hair that was almost past his eyes, and his eyes were blue. As Andrew dreamt, The door to his room opened and a boy the same age as Andrew with snow white hair, And was whereing a black and red track jakit, silently tip toed in and over to the sleeping trainer. As he poked his head over the bed side and opened his mouth, He was stopped from make any noise that would weak up Andrew buy a Fart!

Brendan Fell on the floor gasping for air, and this woke up Andrew.

“ Huh? What? Oh, hey Brendan. Why are you on the floor?” He asked with a puzzled look on his face.

Brendan got up. “You gassed me you @#$hole!” Brendan said giving Andrew a dirty look.

“Whatever man.” Andrew said as he went into the bathroom and got dressed. When he walked out of the bathroom He said. “So why are you here?” He asked.

Brendan looked up at His friend “We are getting our first pokemon today.”

“Oh crap! I forgot.” Andrew yelled.

“Yeah, and May is waiting outside so lets go!” Brendan said as he and Andrew ran down the stairs.

Andrew was a one of the smartest Kids in the small town. He was know whereing an orange t-shirt and blue jeans.

As he and Brendan Raced down the stairs Andrew stopped to have breakfast and to say good bye to his Mom.

When they finally come out of the door A girl with brown hair and sky blue eyes was sitting on Andrew’s doors step.

“Finally!” She said getting up and kissing Andrew.

“O brother.” Brendan said rolling his eyes. Andrew and Brendan Had been fighting over May for years. But in the end Andrew was the one to win her heart.

“Can you two speed this up We have to go!” Brendan yelled.

“Ok let’s go.” May giggled a she stepped away from Andrew.

20 mints later the three were at the doors of professor’s lab.

“Ok guys lets go.” They all said.

As they entered a tall man in a white lab coat greeted them at the door.

" Hey dad." Brendan said with a smile on his face.

" Hey you guys! are you ready to chose your pokemon?" The profser asked.

" You bet!" Andrew said fireing his fist into the air.

" Ok i will be right back." The profser said as he walked around the corner. A couple of mintes later He came back with three pokeballs. He then set them down on a table.

The three trainer aproched the table and picked up the pokeballs. Andrew's pokeball had a leaf on it, he had chose treecko, May toke the pokeball that had a flame on it, She had chose torchick, And Brendan had toke the pokeball that had a water drop on it, He had chose mudkip.

" Thanks." They said walking out the door.

Andrew faced the others. " Meet back here in an hour after we get or stuff." Andrew said as he started to walk away.

" What." Brendan said. " lets battle!"

occ: Sorry if it’s not that good this is may first fan fic.
 
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Its under a page, witch breaks the rules straight off.

Second, you used the Cleche Waking up late. Not that thats bad, but its been done before. Its 'Whatever' not 'What ever' Use typed numbers intsed of the Arabic ones, donr use abreviations, like you did with minutes.

Its OK, your descriptions lacking. We dont know what anyone looks like, the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread might still help you.
 

fire

The beast with in
I hope that this is not spam but i tried to edit the story. I just want to know what everyone thinks.
 

~*Nobody*~

samonsterX
Well its better then before you edited it. But I sugest describing your characters. We still don't know what they look like.
 
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