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Three Ways [PG-13]

So, I've had in my signature for months an advertisement for my old thread and chapter 16.
Summer came and went and I updated twice.
Between September and December, I updated once in September.
I let the thread die while I worked on other things. School over took me, drama overtook me, life over took me.
Then, one night, I started re-reading my stuff.
I started fixing errors in both grammar and continuity.
And, I promised myself that on February 22, I'd bring the thread back.
And a day later, here I am!

Anyway, this new thread has a fixed up Three Ways.
New chapter names, new content, new stuff in general.
Update plans: Chapters 1-17 3 per week (Tues, Thurs, Sat)
Chapters 18+: 1 Per week (Wends)

I'll add the chapters as I post them, yeah, it'll get long.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1: Of Karma
Chapter 2: Straight Shot to the Top
Chapter 3: Justice

PM list:


And I'll start this the same way I started the last thread! Without further adu:

In this world, there is both right and wrong. In this world there are roads every person will walk. In this world there are actions that are both good and evil, and no ideal of justice, no matter how beneficial, will help everyone. The road of Right and wrong is split in three paths. Three Ways.


Three Ways
Chapter 1
Of Karma

“Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.” Mark Twain Febuary 16, 1901


The pallet of the forest was all green and brown stretching in all directions, save one lone pink bulb in a patch of otherwise green weeds surrounded by high bushes and higher trees. All at once, a boy burst from the bushes towards the flower. “Gotcha, Ivysaur!” He yelled. The flower leapt up. It was attached to the body of a large green quadruped dinosaur. The Pokemon landed opposite of the boy, examining him up and down with its blue eyes. The boy leapt up again and the dinosaur let out a cloud of yellow powder. The boy covered his mouth and eyes and landed perfectly on top of the Pokemon.

The boy’s brown hair bounced above his green eyes as the grass type dinosaur struggled in his grip. The stains from the leaves didn’t show on the trainer’s green shirt, and his red jacket cushioned the blows from the sharp claws on the pokemon’s feet. He wore a black bandana wrapped around the upper part of his left arm, the arm he held the Pokemon in. In his right, free hand, he held a pokeball. “Ivysaur, come back.” The Pokemon returned to the red-and-white sphere in a glowing red light. The boy stood up and brushed off his jeans that had numerous holes from past reckless scrapes and tumbles. He picked up a brown sack from behind the bush he had been hiding in and put the pokeball inside. “And stay there,” He ordered. He was tall and lanky, not too fat, not too thin. His name was embroidered in black on a white patch on the sack: Ryu R. Rider.

Looking up, he could see the first signs of day break. At first, he couldn’t believe he had spent all night chasing his own Pokemon through the woods, then he remembered that wasn’t the reason he was in the woods at all. He fumbled into his jacket pocket and sighed as he pulled a mushroom out. His worry was that it had been damaged in the struggle with Ivysaur, but his fears were laid to rest when he saw it remained in one piece. He turned on his heels back in the direction he had come from. Looking down to a watch like device on his wrist, he flipped a few switches and a large area map hovered above it as a hologram. The forest was clearly large, and he was very clearly not anywhere near a path. However, with his map, he was sure he would not get lost. Taking several steps, he noticed his map was unresponsive to his movements. Shaking the device violently didn’t aide his predicament, as the locater icon was suddenly further away from the path than before. ‘Goddamn that Ivysaur,’ he thought to himself. It was then he began to regret not paying more attention in school on how to tell north from south, east from west, and how not to get lost. As the thought of just how edible a roast Pidgey would be and how horrible it would be to die only to be eaten by a swarm of wild Pidgey would be, the device on his wrist began to vibrate and chime loudly. “He… hello?” He said quietly into the device. He wasn’t expecting a phone call, let alone one at dawn.

“Yo, Ryu, what’s up?” a familiar female voice asked from the other side. Ryu let out a sigh of relief.

“Lynn! It’s amazing to hear someone else’s voice. I’m totally lost.” He laughed, scratching the back of his head. “You’re Pokegear map acting up too?”

“Pokegear? I upgraded to a Pokenav months ago.” Lynn giggled on the other end. “Don’t tell me you’re struggling around with inferior technology!”

“Ok, I won’t.” Ryu replied flatly. “But seriously, I’m lost.”

“Well, you remember the compass sayings, right?”

“Umm… north is up?” he asked, knowing he was right, but that Lynn would still prove him wrong.

“The sun sets in the west and rises in the east,” Lynn scolded “Then just spell NEWS, North is between east and west, and south is between west and east.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Ryu stammered, “North and south are both between east and west!” A silence on the other end told him one thing: He had finally outsmarted Lynn.

The line went dead. Lynn, clearly not appreciating Ryu’s sudden surge of inelegance, had hung up on him, once again, alone in the dawn-lit woods. Ryu reached into his burlap sack and pulled out a pokeball with a small blue wing painted on it. “Wingull, come on, help me out!” The pokeball popped open, and a small white bird sat on the top of the sack. It opened its small red eyes and opened its black beak in a yawn. “Alright, Wingull, now I know it’s way earlier than I normally use you, but if you don’t help us out, we’re going to die here and be eaten by Pidgey.” The Wingull gave him a cockeyed glance. “Don’t give me that look; I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this!”

The Wingull let out a small chirp and opened its wings. Lifting on the air currents, Ryu watched the small Pokemon be consumed by the clouds. He studied the pokemon’s wing span- ‘four times the size of his body… where does he keep his brain?’ He waited with bated breath for the Pokemon to return with news of the path. Finally, the bird descended like a leaf off a fall tree, smacked it’s trainer with a wing and pointed with the other. The whole time Ryu had been mere inches from the path, and was simply too lazy to take the steps to see it. Bowing apologetically, Ryu returned the albino Pokemon to its pokeball. “You’re just like the Capitan, not letting me forget my screw-ups. I guess that’s why he gave you to me, so he could always be with me.”

The sun had still barely broken the horizon as Ryu came out from the forest. The dew on the leaves was just beginning to trickle down when the houses of the small town came back into view. Not wasting a moment, he ran down the hill. Gaining speed with every step he finally launched himself into the air, tucked and rolled in as tight a ball as he could manage down the rest of the hill. Reaching the bottom he sprawled out flopped in a useless lump, dizzy. “Record ti… oh god, I’m gonna be sick.” He sat up, feeling that the contents of his stomach were about to make a grand reappearance, but soft footsteps came from his west.

“Well, it certainly was a few hours,” a young girl whispered, “perhaps, though, a few more than I expected.”

Ryu turned on his knees and looked the girl up and down. She was a brunet with striking blue eyes. She wore a simple red dress that matched her red top brilliantly. “Sylvia, I’m so sorry that it took so long, but,” he produced the mushroom from his jacket, “I have the last ingredient for your mother’s medicine.”

The girl took the mushroom in one hand and threw her other around Ryu’s shoulders. “Thank you so much, kind stranger.” She wept. “I hope we did not cost you too much of your time.”

Ryu stood up, pushing her arm off of him. “It wasn’t a problem. I cannot pass a girl in need.”

“Oh, I bet you say that to everyone you help” Sylvia blushed.

“Actually, yes, yes I do.” Ryu said, scratching a spot in between his eyebrows. “Except the guys, I just say ‘No prob, forget about it, dude.”

“Hmm… well then,” Sylvia gave him a look of slight distain, “will you at least stay for breakfast?”

Ryu flattened his hair with his hands. “I can’t resist and invitation from a lady.”

Sylvia shot him a glance. “Yes, I say that to every girl, too.”


Sylvia’s house was mere feet from the spot of Ryu’s elegant landing. Ryu savored the sights of the small town. The houses were all wood or brick, all either the same color as their materials or painted a simple color like white or blue. He enjoyed the simplicity; it was nothing that the cities could ever hope to be like.

Sylvia’s house was decorated simply. Paintings of Sylvia, her mother- who looked nothing more than an older version of Sylvia-, and her deceased father hung on the white walls. The furniture was matching brown leather, the tables all white wicker. Ryu felt almost too poor to be in such a nice house, but he was sure all the fancy looks came with a high price- like her mother’s poor health.

“Well, tell me about yourself.” Sylvia said, shuffling through pans for a skillet.

”I’m Ryu, seventeen years old.” He said attempting to unfold a napkin placed on the table in front of him.

“Well Ryu, do you have a last name?” She asked, cracking open an egg.

“Ryu Richard Rider.” He replied, still struggling with the napkin. “Rider pronounced like ‘rid-er’- he who gets rid of something.”

“That’s an unusual pronunciation. You from Johto or something?”

”Yeah, I was born in Ecruteak, but I was raised here in Sinnoh.” He placed the napkin in his lap. “I only started training Pokemon a few months ago. I’ve got reasons that I started, but that’s a story longer than breakfast.”

“Well, then why don’t you tell me why you’re taking the road solo?” Sylvia flipped the eggs in the pan. “Most trainers go in groups of three or more.”

“I’m not alone. I have two friends. Lynn, she’s a great girl, a little pushy, but she’s got a good head on her shoulders when it comes to what is. Kyle, he’s a pretty smart guy, and he’s got a sharp pair of eyes, a bit weird though. But he’s got this thing, sees the world ‘right’ and ‘wrong,’ and I’ve told him that’s not all there is, he just won’t listen.” He spun a coaster around with his finger. “And then I’ve got Ivysaur, Wingull, and all my other Pokemon with me.”

Sylvia slid bacon into the pan. “This Kyle sounds like a good guy; you’ll have to introduce me to him. Maybe he’d like to marry into a family with money.”

Ryu let out a small laugh. “Good luck. Kyle’s not in to people like you.”

“People like me? What’s that mean?” she asked getting a plate down from the cupboard.

“Girls,” Ryu answered, “he likes guys, not girls. I said he was a little weird.”

Sylvia placed a plate down on the table, the bacon still sizzled, and the eggs were scrambled to perfection. “Well, you’ve only started training, so, you can’t have many badges can you?”

Ryu reached into his jacket and pulled out a case. Flipping it open reveled his trainer’s ID card, complete with obligatory bad picture, and a space for eight of Sinnoh’s badges. One space was filled. The badge was three green diamonds arranged like a tree in a child’s drawing. “One,” he laughed. “I’ve been holding off on the gym challenges until I feel like I can handle it. This one was a fluke.” He spun his finger in the air. “There was a girl in the forest, we battled, and then the crazy chick turned out to be a gym leader! I thought they weren’t allowed to leave the gym or something.” He filled his mouth with the entire contents of the plate after completing the sentence, much to the shock and disgust of his host. “But I’ve taken up way too much of your time.” He smiled and untied his bandana as he stood up, letting the napkin fall to the floor. Tying the black cloth to his head, he whipped his mouth on his shirtsleeves. “If you ever need me call.” He threw his burlap sack over his back and sped off out the open door.

Sylvia looked at the boy’s back as he disappeared through the town. “If only I could run like that boy, I’d grasp freedom.” She closed the door and looked at the mushroom she had left on the counter. “I’ve been forced to take my own way out of this prison.”

That night, her mother’s illness ended, as did her life. All reports said that Sylvia’s mother had died of her illness. The entire estate was left to the girl, who turned around and sold it to the first bidder. Her blue eyes flashed with a new determination.

Sylvia Mooney was no longer trapped by her past, and instead had her whole future ahead of her. Thoughts of that boy, Ryu, filled her head as she grasped a pokeball in her hands. Why was he training? What was his past? Will he ever be able to escape whatever prison he seems to be trapped in? “Ryu Rider… may we meet once again!” she yelled into the mountains he disappeared in.

Ryu turned around, Ivysaur stopped at his feet. “Hey, did you hear anything?” he asked. The Pokemon closed its eyes and shook his head no. “Humph… musta been imagining stuff then.” He turned back to the east and took off at full speed, the dinosaur struggling to keep up behind him.


“Hello?” Sylvia asked, holding her phone to her ear.

“Oh, Sylvia, about time. So?”

“It’s done.”

“You know you can’t go back, right?”

Sylvia zipped her sundress with slight difficulty, “Yeah, I knew that when I gave my mother the,” she paused, “cure.”

“As long as you know you’ve started walking your own way, I won’t stop you. The clean up crew should be arriving shortly.”

“Thank you,” Sylvia said.

“No need. We owe your father a lot, and, because he’s dead, our debt to him goes to you.”

“Yes, I supposed after that scandal with Bertha broke, you were in dire straights. What would have happened if not for my father?”

The voice on the other end laughed. “Damned if I know. Either way, Sylvia, we wish you luck.”

“Thank you, sir.” Sylvia moved to press the “end call” button. “Wait, do you want me to…”

“Yes, keep us posted, Sylvia.”

“I will.”

~~~
Added Content:
A few lines between Ryu and Sylvia
The last page of the chapter

Trivia:
This is basicly "Three Ways: Uncut, Recut, and Redone" or, as I like to call it "Three Ways: Repaved Road"


This is one of my favorite chapters because Ryu's one of my favorite protagonsists I've ever written ever.

I bet you're expecting me to say somthing else, huh?
 
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Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Out of the ashes, the tale of Three Ways returns...

Shame you couldn't pull it outta extinction and just continue where you left off, but whatever works for you..

At least we know what happened to it,... and to you. Keep us posted that you're alive OK? Things happen in real life, and not everybody can be privvy to them when they happen.

OK, Tchus!

(That's German for L@er!)
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
I spotted typos such as Intelligence.

Moving away from miss-spellings..

You seem to have a very listy way of describing things in the first paragraph;

The flower leapt up. It was attached to the body of a large green quadruped dinosaur. The Pokemon landed opposite of the boy, examining him up and down with its blue eyes. The boy leapt up again and the dinosaur let out a cloud of yellow powder. The boy covered his mouth and eyes and landed perfectly on top of the Pokemon.

The flower leapt up- how does a flower leap up? I could understand it if The flower quivered and raised upwards as the body of a brutish reptialian[sp] appeared from the weeds and tall grass.. It doesn't just tell us that it was attached to a dinosaur or that the flower itself leapt up. It shows us.

Then you could have put more depth into the pokemon landing. Landing with a grunt, the Ivysaur eyed the boy a moment, it's ruby red eyes [they have red if I remember] narrowing slightly, but not in a malicious way as the pokemon continued to examine the human.

Then, after this you have the boy suddenly leap up again. Why? Was he surprised? Startled? Alarmed? Afraid? Overjoyed? What? Or did a Weedle come along and sting him in the ***? And why did Ivysaur release a Stun powder if I guess correctly? Was it too alarmed at what the boy suddenly did?

And how can one perfectly land ontop of a pokemon? How did he do this without seriously injuring the Ivysaur and or it's still forming bud?

The next paragraph is a chunky text block of dumped information and actions; how did the boy suddenly be able to move about safely and grab the Ivysaur? Why didn't the Ivysaur yell or cry out in pain or struggle or bite, or anything. How can a lanky kid, handle a pokemon that wieghs probably 50lbs or more. Or hold something that could use attacks? Was it stunned? Disorintated? What? You don't say nothing, you just tell us this and this and this happen, and expect it to be the best thing ever.

Well it's not.

His worry was that it had been damaged in the struggle with Ivysaur, but his fears were laid to rest when he saw it remained in one piece.

... do you even know how fragile most mushrooms are? The moment most see light, they melt. Or turn a fugly brown. They're very fragile, and you expect us to believe, miraculously, a mushroom small enough to fit in a pocket. Safe enough to be picked up and handled, survived the boy, landing face first on an Ivysaur.

Naaah-uh. That shroom ain't gonna be perfect, or even in one piece.

As the thought of just how edible a roast Pidgey would be and how horrible it would be to die only to be eaten by a swarm of wild Pidgey would be, the device on his wrist began to vibrate and chime loudly. “He… hello?” He said quietly into the device. He wasn’t expecting a phone call, let alone one at dawn.

So let me get this straight, he's lost. And instead of panicing like most people, or freaking out, he morbidly wonders what roasted pidgey tastes like. And then what a flock of pidgey would think of what he tastes like when roasted. Then has his thoughts interupted by, basically, a cellphone.

So he's lost and he doesn't think, Well gee wilikers I need to call for help!. No, he just whispers into the tech, as if it's going to absorb his face for getting lost. Wow.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Ryu stammered, “North and south are both between east and west!” A silence on the other end told him one thing: He had finally outsmarted Lynn.

Are you sure it wasn't from the greatest facepalm moment ever? That someone when told basically how to figure out North, would put the directions right in the middle of W and E? I mean I'd hang up too if I had to deal with someone who is that much of an idiot.

Ofc I'd probably yell at the retard for not having a Compass too...

Also you ddub the Wingull Albino but that's wrong. Albino's have no coloration at all. Semi-albino creatures can get away with light markings or colorations of yellow and orange afaik, but true albinos have no pigment at all. It's why there eyes are red- or can come off as violet/purple. So the beak would NOT be black.

Please read up on albinos- and the fact that your char's wingull would be very fragile :/

Overall this is somewhat laughable and unrealistic and rushed. You have moments where great drama and strife and struggle could have been obtained, but instead skimped and rushed and uncercut so badly that you made a great big whopping chapter of fail- the characters are a bit flat. The pokemon are only just above the levels of rocks. They're rocks with a bit of personality.

The description leaves alot to be lacking, when it's not needed you either overdo it with textblock itus info dump, or skip it entirely. When it is needed you either list it off to tell us what it is and what is happening instead of showing us, or you poorly describe it and move on.

Overall I suggest you focus more on writing, and less on churning out chapters- go read AfAA, a few other stories posted here, or a few books.
 

Breezy

Well-Known Member
He picked up a brown sack from behind the bush he had been hiding in and put the pokeball inside. “And stay there,” He ordered. He was tall and lanky, not too fat, not too thin. His name was embroidered in black on a white patch on the sack: Ryu R. Rider.
Well, yeah ... Bold statement is repetitive and not entirely correctly anyway because lanky = thin and gangling (as in most teenage boys). It's not the average between too thin and too fat. It's just, plainly, too thin. Bony and tall. Kind of awkward. Etc.

Seriously, how huge is this sack if he could hide in it? o_O A seventeen LANKY kid is not small enough to hide in a sack not unless it's literally over six feet. And who would drag around a bag that big anyway?

The forest was clearly large, and he was very clearly not anywhere near a path.
contrasts with the following:
Shaking the device violently didn’t aide his predicament, as the locater icon was suddenly further away from the path than before
One minute there's no path and suddenly there is one? What? o_O

And even then, we still have this:
The whole time Ryu had been mere inches from the path, and was simply too lazy to take the steps to see it.
Either you failed to detail how vague this map is (which again contrasts your following sentence about the boy being sure that he wouldn't get lost with said map) or this kid is stupider that I thought.

That being said, this kid is that blind that he can't look just a tad to his left (or right) to see some dirt road? Or some clearing? Or anything? I'm having a lot of trouble believing that because he certainly had no problems chasing his ivysaur (at night no less).
Gaining speed with every step he finally launched himself into the air, tucked and rolled in as tight a ball as he could manage down the rest of the hill. Reaching the bottom he sprawled out flopped in a useless lump, dizzy.
Yeah, uh, I'm pretty sure a lanky kid like that can't do that without either falling flat on his face or seriously injuring himself. There's almost something ... sonic the hedgehog in this description too. Cartoonish really, which I don't think you want to portray this story as.

He sat up, feeling that the contents of his stomach were about to make a grand reappearance, but soft footsteps came from his west.
There's no correlation between barfing and hearing footsteps. I mean, I get what you're saying; you could possibly mean he tried holding in his barf for the sake that he heard someone coming and he didn't want to embarrass himself, I suppose.

Ryu flattened his hair with his hands. “I can’t resist and invitation from a lady.”

Sylvia shot him a glance. “Yes, I say that to every girl, too.”
"An" for the bold word. And you should have kept these two lines together instead of separating them because it sounds like Sylvia said the "Yes, I say that to every girl" line.

Ryu flattened his hair with his hands. “I can’t resist and invitation from a lady.” Sylvia shot him a glance. “Yes, I say that to every girl, too.”

...but he was sure all the fancy looks came with a high price- like her mother’s poor health.
Er, what does living a rich life have to do with her mother's poor health? Care to explain this (in the story, not a response)?

“Ryu Richard Rider.” He replied, still struggling with the napkin. “Rider pronounced like ‘rid-er’- he who gets rid of something.”
This doesn't necessarily work because it's Ryu himself saying his last name, so he would have pronounced it as "Rid-er" anyway. You might need to explain this in a different way:

Example: Sylvia squinted her eyes as she read the trainer card Ryu handed her. "Ryu ... Richard ... Rider?" she read out loud slowly.

"Rid-er," Ryu corrected. "Like he who gets rid of something."


That night, her mother’s illness ended, as did her life. All reports said that Sylvia’s mother had died of her illness. The entire estate was left to the girl, who turned around and sold it to the first bidder. Her blue eyes flashed with a new determination ...

... “Ryu Rider… may we meet once again!” she yelled into the mountains he disappeared in.
So incredibly rushed. All of this could have been an emotional scene, yet you decided to summarize these events in four lines? The way you wrote it also sounds like it happened in a span of a couple of days, but apparently it can't be if Ryu is still nearby (not unless he had one of those "ear ringing" moments that happens when someone is talking about someone else. Again, if that's the case, you never clarified that either).

Sylvia zipped her sundress with slight difficulty, “Yeah, I knew that when I gave my mother the,” she paused, “cure.”

“As long as you know you’ve started walking your own way, I won’t stop you. The clean up crew should be arriving shortly.”

“Thank you,” Sylvia said.

“No need. We owe your father a lot, and, because he’s dead, our debt to him goes to you.”
Oh, come on.

So she "cured" her mother and called this odd man who owed a debt to her father? Why couldn't this man, just, you know, take care of the mother so the girl could go free in payment for whatever debt he owed the father?

Explanation wise, maybe the mother wanted the girl to take care of her and no one else, but again, this is only assumption; you yourself never clarified in the story WHY this girl had to stay with her mom. As far as I'm concerned, her money and (apparently) power has the ability to take care of her ailing mother via nurses or hospitals.

Now, I'm personally fond of the ... demise of the mother so Sylvia could go on her journey, but there's so many "huh?" and "how?" moments in your story that can be distracting to the reader. It's not bad, obviously, but I think you need to think things through and re-read what you actually wrote before posting.
 
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Out of the ashes, the tale of Three Ways returns...

Shame you couldn't pull it outta extinction and just continue where you left off, but whatever works for you..

At least we know what happened to it,... and to you. Keep us posted that you're alive OK? Things happen in real life, and not everybody can be privvy to them when they happen.

OK, Tchus!

(That's German for L@er!)

Chapter 18 still isn't done. It's 21 pages and I've skimmed over battles to keep it under control, but it's clearly not working. If I were done, I'd have gone back to the old thread, but I thought this was a better idea.
And I did post a few times, not always in Fanfic though, mostly gaming disscusions and stuff.
I'm only 18, I'd hope I'm not dieing anytime soon!

Yami Ryu
First off, I never expected to see you. I remember when you used to review *EVERYTHING* but you vanished. When'd you rise from the grave?

You seem to have a very listy way of describing things in the first paragraph;
I'm choosing not to copy everything you pointed out here.
Yes, these early chapters are littered with listy discription, and it hardly gets better as the story goes on, despite my attempts to improve upon it.

... do you even know how fragile most mushrooms are?
I did not do the research, plain and simple. Since my main idea here is "A silly, light hearted Pokemon fanfic" scientific accuracy falls to the wasteside. Wait till you get to the boats.

So he's lost and he doesn't think, Well gee wilikers I need to call for help!. No, he just whispers into the tech, as if it's going to absorb his face for getting lost. Wow.
I mean I'd hang up too if I had to deal with someone who is that much of an idiot
Fundimentals of the character's personality in play.

The description leaves alot to be lacking, when it's not needed you either overdo it with textblock itus info dump, or skip it entirely. When it is needed you either list it off to tell us what it is and what is happening instead of showing us, or you poorly describe it and move on.

Overall I suggest you focus more on writing, and less on churning out chapters- go read AfAA, a few other stories posted here, or a few books.
Descritption's a work in progress with the newer chapters, a fundimental disaster area in the olders, though it does improve as the story goes along.
Like I said, though, 17 of these are already complete, I'm just touching them up.

Breezy
Seriously, how huge is this sack if he could hide in it? o_O A seventeen LANKY kid is not small enough to hide in a sack not unless it's literally over six feet. And who would drag around a bag that big anyway?
Just me not doing enough picturing in my head. "huge" is sposed to be in relitivity to him, and even then, widith size.

One minute there's no path and suddenly there is one? What? o_O
There isn't one he noticed, a failure to point out on my part.

Either you failed to detail how vague this map is (which again contrasts your following sentence about the boy being sure that he wouldn't get lost with said map) or this kid is stupider that I thought.
The first one. Alot of the touch ups I did on this were purely one liners, I didn't think to look at things that wouldn't make sence to people who wern't living in my head.

Er, what does living a rich life have to do with her mother's poor health? Care to explain this (in the story, not a response)?
My inner jerk wants to say "Thats what the later chapters are for", because that's what they are. Infact, this chapter has the leftover relics of "Sylvia was never sposed to grow into a plot significant character and vanish off the face of the earth after her apperiance"

This doesn't necessarily work because it's Ryu himself saying his last name, so he would have pronounced it as "Rid-er" anyway. You might need to explain this in a different way:
This is, unfortunetly, somthing that always bugged me but I could never come up with a better way to say it. Thank you for your idea, it's much appreciated, because his last name's pronociation comes up over and over again.

So incredibly rushed. All of this could have been an emotional scene, yet you decided to summarize these events in four lines? The way you wrote it also sounds like it happened in a span of a couple of days, but apparently it can't be if Ryu is still nearby (not unless he had one of those "ear ringing" moments that happens when someone is talking about someone else. Again, if that's the case, you never clarified that either).
Right there was where I decided Sylvia was going to join the cast (of whom only Ryu had been introduced at that point, even) So I threw the secne together in an instant. Had I thought about it, I would have worked it abit more for the reright.
Well, I am the kind of guy who goes and fixes things from time to time, so I'll work on it at a later date.

Now, I'm personally fond of the ... demise of the mother so Sylvia could go on her journey, but there's so many "huh?" and "how?" moments in your story that can be distracting to the reader. It's not bad, obviously, but I think you need to think things through and re-read what you actually wrote before posting.
"huh" and "how" is exactly what I wanted to drum up with the addition of Sylvia's secne in this. Fundimentaly, yes, I hard core need to reread more insted of going "Ok, it's done, let's post it."


Thanks for the point outs. Like I said, I miss alot simply because I don't think (ask my teachers). I'm gonna get back to work on working on the next chapters, and take them as they come. See you guys Thursday (maybe).
Laters!

*remembers to subscribe* I like to get to reviews as soon as possible, and seperatly from the story, if possible.
 
Excuses at bottom of chapter. -<3 WRP

Three Ways
Chapter 2
Straight Shot to the Top

Focusing on a goal is always a great thing, it’s perfectly sane, and all people do it. But letting that goal get in the way of everything else? That’s what’s crazy about you.​


The juice disappeared from the glass as quickly as the waiter had filled it. The man stood there in utter shock that a young girl could consume so much strawberry juice in such a small amount of time. ‘Damn free juice to people under eighteen’ the waiter thought to himself looking the girl over. Her pale green eyes glared through a pair of sunglasses that hugged the tip of her nose. They studied a news paper clutched in her gloved hands so intently that they were likely to burn a hole through it. Her teal shirt hugged her girlish figure until her midriff where it ended in favor of skin. She wore an odd combination of skirt and shorts; they were both denim, but the skirt was worn starting slightly below the pockets of the shorts. He wasn’t sure if she was going for a casual look, or simply trying to attract attention to her waistline. Six pokeballs were clipped to her jeans on a cut in the dress. Her blonde hair was tied into a ponytail, her bangs danced freely on her forehead.

“Hey, Waitmonkey,” she snapped, “What’s a girl gotta do to get some more juice?”

The waiter stared at the girl’s empty plate. “Pay her bill,” he replied smartly. The girl sighed and reached into her pocket, producing two folded blue bills with “P200” written on them. “And then leaving, you’re crowding a table we need for other customers.”

The girl gave him a shocked look. “How can you say that to a paying customer?”

“Ma’m, you’ve been staring at that crossword puzzle since we opened.
If you couldn’t solve it then, you can’t solve it now.”

She slammed the news paper down on the table, “Touché, good sir!” She yelled, stomping off.

The waiter simply watched her dress float behind her. She had over paid by over one hundred dollars, clearly, though, she didn’t want her change. He pocketed it as a tip.

The girl huffed her arms across her chest as she stomped. Her red backpack bounced with each step, and her angry look attracted strange looks from nearby pedestrians, who labeled her as a crazy lady and kept walking, remembering her face for when the police were looking for a blonde haired girl responsible for killing an ice cream man because he didn’t have her favorite flavor Popsicle.

“You know, miss, being angry never solved anyone’s problems.” A man with a fine British accent said from behind her. She turned around full prepared to punch the man for his unsolicited advice, but stopped dead upon seeing him. He stood about a half foot taller than her, he was looking down at her with eyes as red as a setting sun. His smile was the same blindingly white color as his hair. “Come, what could have such a lovely creature so infuriated?”

The girl blushed at the man’s manner of speech, so calm and quiet, unlike anything she had heard from her friends at home. He sounded like he honestly cared for her. “I… I…” she tripped on her words, unable to form a complete thought in her own head.

“I am Leon,” he produced a rose from his red and black jacket and placed it in her hair. “And you are?”

“L-Lynn. Lynn Iris DeLarus.” She blushed.

“A lady with such a beautiful name should never be angry,” he took her right hand in his. “Come, I know a lovely café not far from here, in fact, you may have passed it on your way here.” His left hand gestured towards the café Lynn had just been kicked out of.

“Oh, I know where you’re talking about. It’s not all that great,” she laughed, trying her best not to sound like she was covering up her inner insanity.

“Hmm,” Leon raised his eyebrow, attempting not to sound like a guy whose entire vocabulary was made of cheesy pickup lines, he continued to speak, “then where best to treat a lovely young lady?” He pondered out loud running his fingers through his hair. Lynn almost collapsed from the sheer beauty radiating off of him. “Very well, how about you spend the day with me, and I’ll treat you to dinner later. What does a girl like you like to do?”

A fire lit in Lynn’s eyes at the question. She pushed her sun glasses back up her face with a push from her ring finger, on which a sparkling silver band flashed, as if attempting to outshine Leon’s teeth. “Battles. I love Pokemon Battles.”

“Ah, is that so?” he asked, turning to the side. His thin outline did little to hide nearby light posts, but it did everything to show the location of his pokeballs. They ran along the bottom of the back of his jacket. “I’ll be your challenger.”

Lynn cracked a wide smile. “I know the perfect place. Come on, the fountain area doubles as a battle arena for trainers!” She took off down the paved streets of Hearthorm, her attitude having taken a complete turnabout. Leon scratched the back of his head and walked slowly behind her.

By the time he arrived, Lynn stood impatiently tapping her foot as another trainer walked away, defeated. “A-b-o-u-t t-i-m-e.” Lynn spelled her words impatiently. “I don’t know how many more of these weaklings I can beat before I get bored.”

Leon stood cockily in front of the crowd. “Lynn, I wouldn’t say that around here.” He laughed. “There are lots of tough guys around here who will try to prove you wrong in a heart beat.”

He was proven right when a man in a red shirt burst forward from behind Leon. He was tall, broad chested, pants the same color as his pupils with a mouth big enough to store a watermelon. “Weaklings? I have four of the gym badges of Sinnoh! How many do you have, girl?”

“Three.” Lynn popped open her case. The Forest Badge sat sparkling in first position, the diamond shaped Cobble badge, two orange rectangles and two orange squares making up the design on the inside, sat in position two, and the third spot was filled with the grey boulder shaped Coal Badge. “I’m here for the fourth.”

The man glared at her. “Ha ha. You won’t go any further, I’m gonna show you who the weakling is by crushing you and your Pokemon into the ground!”

Lynn suddenly seemed even more uninterested. “I haven’t heard that one before.” She sarcastically replied. “Come on, I’ll show you what I can do, just don’t hold anything back. You’ll regret it if you do.”

The man cracked his large knuckles. “I’m Derek, just so you know the name of the man who beat you.” He grabbed a pokeball from his belt and tossed it into the air. “Come out Swalot!”

“Swalot? My, and here I was expecting an intelligent Pokemon from an intelligent man like you. Chingling, come on, play time!” She unclipped a pokeball from her side, let it freefall, and kicked it as it hit the ground.

The two Pokemon appeared in flashes of red light, Chingling was surrounded by bright blue sparkles as it appeared. The small gold bell-shaped Pokemon leapt happily in place, not daunted by the large purple blob before it. Swalot towered over the bell, and it was all mouth, the air around it stunk from the poison contained in its stomach.

“Chingling, start this with a bang! Uproar!” Lynn pointed forward with her one ungloved finger.

Chingling shook a little and took into the air. With a sharp yelp, the air was filled with a ringing noise from with thin the small pokemon’s body. The blob of purple fat barely seemed phased by the sonic waves, merely holding its position.

“Stockpile.” Derek commanded, seeming genuinely intent in taking down a small bell. The Swalot puffed itself up and remained in position.

Leon studied both trainers intently. He seemed less interested in the way Derek was fighting, and more in Lynn’s style. Her next attacks would decide how she would deal with opponents strengthening themselves in combat; something he deemed a very important trait in a woman.

Lynn whipped her cheek with her thumb. “Lame-o. Chingling, Light Screen, then follow it up with Torment.” The Pokemon glowed with a gentle purple aura that solidified around her before disappearing. She then went back to her trainer and looked her in the eyes. “What’s up Chingling? Something the matter?”

<You still have the TM, missy,> the bell chimed, <I can’t use Torment. Wanna try something different, or maybe I should just tell him his attacks suck.>

Leon, who was originally impressed by Lynn’s use of TMs, found himself lost to the idea that a trainer could be scolded by their own Pokemon.

Lynn put her hands up in front of her. “Fine, fine.” She sighed and over exaggerated sigh. “Use Confusion!”

<Now that I can do!> The Pokemon wrapped herself in a blue glow and shot forward, tackling the pile of sludge with the might of its psychic powers.

The Swalot slid back. Slowly, at first, but as Chingling’s concentration rose, so did Swalot’s rate of acceleration. The poison sack Pokemon hit a rock, tumbled over, and continued sliding.

Derek’s jaw hit the floor as fast as the Pokemon hit the ground. Leon suppressed a laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. The crowd applauded Lynn’s performance. “It’s not over,” Derek snorted.

“Add that to the list of things I haven’t heard before,” Lynn said, deadpan.

Swalot opened its mouth and shot a noxious purple cloud into the air. It wafted through the park, sending people running. Lynn, holding her nose, was relatively unfazed.

“Finish this up, Chingling, he’s annoying me,” Lynn said, her voice distorted.

<Gladly and a half,> Chingling lifted the poison sack Pokemon into the air and dropped it hard on a rock. The goo slid down the side into an unmoving puddle. The crowed cheered again.

Lynn and Chingling both bowed to their adoring fans as Derek pulled another pokeball from his side. “Snover, GO!” A large white and brown pear shaped Pokemon stood in front of Chingling. Perfectly balanced white to brown, it’s who long whip like arms slumped at his side. He was clearly uninterested in battle.

Lynn held her Pokeball sideways. “Come back Chingling, you get to rest.” Chingling vanished in a red beam as brilliant as the one it came out in. Lynn knocked another pokeball from her side as she placed Chingling’s back. “Quilava, Go for it!” she yelled kicking the ball into the arena. The ball exploded in midair sending the Pokemon within tumbling to the ground in a ball of fire. The Quilava shook itself off and stretched its long body. Padding all four of his cream colored paws on the ground, fire erupted from his back and the top of his head.

<Do I get to fight, do I, do I?> the volcano Pokemon bounded eagerly eyeing the Snover in front of him. His rich black fur shimmered in the sun, and his big red eyes burned with a passion for battle matched only by Lynn’s.

‘He acts more like a dog than an echidna…’ Leon mused, ‘or is the Quilava line mice? You know, I’ve always wondered that. The pokedex really does not go into enough detail.’ He continued to be lost in thought until a chill breeze whipped through his jacket, snapping him back into reality. “What the…?”

Snover sat shaking violently. The cold air was coming out from around him. Lynn pulled out a sea green device from her backpack and flipped it open. She looked at the double screened device. The top showed her current team of Pokemon, all six of them appeared in good health and looked happy- except for Onix, he never looked happy. She placed her finger on the bottom screen witch instantly buzzed to life. An index of every Pokemon she’d ever seen our caught since she had gotten the pokedex. Over one hundred species catalogued, she wasn’t aiming to complete it to see them all. She wanted to battle them all. The powerful gods of Sinnoh, the flying birds of Jhoto, the sleeping titans of Hoenn, she wanted to engage them all in battle. And, more so than that, she wanted to beat them all.

Scrolling furiously she finally found Snover down at the bottom of the list. “Snow warning… he makes it cold?”

Derek laughed. “Not only that, but it’ll start snowing. Once that happens, good luck finding him!” As he closed his mouth, Snover let out a massive blast of winter air and snow. The mist thickened and the frosted bush Pokemon vanished.

<Not fair, not fair!> whined Quilava jumping up and down furiously.

“Hey, Quil, calm, breathe. We talked about this, remember? Now, just bust out Sunny Day!”

Quilava stopped moving and took a breath of the chilled air. <Hey SUNSHINE! Come out, pretty please? I have lots of tasty treats!> the sun spilt the clouds at the promise of treats. The cold air was dried instantly, and Snover was revealed, standing mere inches from Quilava, his fists incased in ice. “Hurry and dodge!” Lynn yelled.

Quilava leapt into the air, flipped onto his forelegs and pointed his rear jet of flames forward. The Snover’s fists connected with the concrete and froze into place, the dangers of missing an Ice Punch. “Quilava, do us a favor and finish this.” Lynn snapped her fingers. He fell back on all fours and arched his back. “Flame Wheel!” Lynn yelled, almost happy to use the attack.

<Red Hot Roller!> Quilava yelled and curled into a ball. His whole body ignited into a rolling ball of fire as he launched into the air. <You’re too s-l-o-w, Snover!> Quilava taunted as his flaming body connected with the Snover’s face. The bush Pokemon fell to the ground, and Quilava landed on the fallen foe’s stomach, striking a pose. <I burn it up baby!>

Derek clutched the pokeball with such strength it would have broken any thing else, but the strong structure of the pokeball withstood. “You. Are. Kidding. ME!” he bellowed as Snover returned in the ray of return, sending Quilava tumbling to the ground. Despite having one untouched pokeball on his belt, he rushed towards Lynn. “If I can’t beat your Pokemon, then I’ll beat you!” He held up his monstrous fist over Lynn.

And he was stopped by a body double.

Leon waved his pointer finger in the air in front of him. “Tisk, tisk, good sir. Did no one ever tell you not to attack women? Honestly, you loose a battle and attack a woman,” he flipped his hair, “Your mother must be quite proud of you. Ditto,” he ordered with a wave of his hand, “take out the trash!”

The second Derek rose the original above his head and tossed him into a near by dumpster, sending a small family of Spearow flying in all directions. The second Derek, standing tall, was consumed in a white light. It shrunk down and, in the place where Derek had stood, sat a lump of pink goo with two large black eyes. It said nothing before its trainer returned it to its ball. “That was… that was amazing!” Lynn stammered.

“ ’Twas nothing.” Leon smiled, flipping his hair. He looked up to a large clock above the fountain. “My my. I’m sorry my dear, but I must take my leave,” he bowed, “perhaps… we shall meet again?” He turned and walked into the crowd that had piled up to watch Lynn’s battle. “Oh, my apologizes about our engagement. I have a far more pressing matter to attend to. It was a pleasure to see you battle though.” He vanished into the dispersing tide of people.

“So, was that all?” A man asked as Leon passed him.

“What ever do you mean?” Leon replied.

The man brushed a handful of sky blue hair out of his eyes. “Don’t play coy,” he laughed, “you know very well what it is I mean.”

Leon shrugged. “You speak as confusingly as ever. Now, I have places to go. If I’m going to stop to entertain a young lady for the day, that’s my own business.” He walked out of the crowed followed closely by the blue haired man. They both turned into an ally way. “Besides,” Leon placed a pair of glasses on his now green eyes, “what I do is beneficial to the cause in the end.” He ran is hands through his short blonde hair and walked off.

“Damn mimic,” the man spat. He flipped open his silver cell phone. “Call base, yeah, I’ve made contact. Yes, he’s on his way. Alright, got it.” He closed his eyes and listened to the voice on the other end. “Survival Area? What’s the… ohh, so we’re going for that?” he laughed to himself quietly. “Nothing’s funny, Tikva. I’ll be back shortly. Signing off.” He clapped the cell phone shut. “I don’t care what you’re doing ‘Leon,’ I, too, have my own goals to attend to, and if you want no part of them, then so be it.”

Lynn returned to the Pokemon center at sundown. She enjoyed a dinner with several of the trainers she had battled earlier, offering friendly advice and giving several of them TMs that would benefit Pokemon they had with them. Before turning in for the night, she flipped open her Pokenav, a red and pink device that hung from the right strap on her backpack. She dialed in a number, switched it to speaker and began to change for the night.

“Kyle, what’s up?” She asked, taking of her white slip on shoes as she lay down on one of the free-to-trainers beds.

“Lynn? You know, you really should start introducing yourself on the phone more often.” A gentle male voice responded from the other end of the line.

”Where are you?” Lynn asked, ignoring his advice.

”A little north of Solaceon, why?”

“You, me, and Ryu, we’re all meeting up there.” She commanded.

“But I’m…” Kyle began to protest, but the line went dead.

Kyle stood in a poorly lit cottage by the side of the road. “Damnit, Lynn.” His jacket was strewn on a desk in the corner. It was white with a black cross on the back. His blue shirt was immaculate, and his khaki pants were unwrinkled despite the climbing he had been doing all day. Scratching his arm, he looked down at the sleeping blue penguin like Pokemon at his feet. “Well, Prinplup,” he pushed the Pokemon with his brown shoes. “We have to do what we came to do fast.” The Prinplup stood up, unsteady on its flippers. His green eyes were fogged still with sleep. He scratched his light blue stomach with is fins, paying extra care to four small white circles and looked up to his trainer. Giving Kyle a rude gesture, or what would have been a rude gesture, if he were a human, or at least had fingers, he sat back down. Kyle shoved his arms into his jacket and picked up a black leather briefcase. Dropping his cell phone into his jacket’s pocket he pulled up the hood over his dark blue hair with his other hand and kicked open the door. “Operation ‘Find the Masked Trainer’ is go!”

~~~

WANDERING RYTHMICAL PHOENIX HATE THE ELEMENTS
And other reasons that I’ve missed promised updates.[/CENTER]

I live in Virginia Beach, Virginia. If you don’t know what that means: I’m a stones throw away from the ocean at any time of the year. I love this fact, I love the beach, and I love the sun.
That said; winter’s my favorite season. Normally, it never gets below fifty here. Fifty. The past few days it has snowed here. Snow. The high yesterday was 20-something.
Anything below fifty saps my energy for no apparent reason.
Long story short:
WRP loves : Winter, Summer, Sun, Snow.
WRP hates: Cold

/Can you see how I can never be happy!?/

Anyways, I fixed up spelling errors, fix up details about Lynn's outfit, changed the battle a bit, changed the closing.
Kyle has blue hair now, I don't remember if that's touched on in this chapter.
I'm rewriting Chapter 3 from the ground up, just because it's the first real chapter with plot snags.
I'll see you all sooner or later with chapter 3 (the Second edition)
*face desks for missed update*​
 

porygon181

Master of the Riddle
Nice! Way to phoenix the story! I'm here, excited to see this play out!!!!! I may be a bit erratic with my comments and such, mostly because school is so much more monopolizing
than it ever should be. But whatev.

So yeah! Keep it up!
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
“Hey, Waitmonkey,” she snapped, “What’s a girl gotta do to get some more juice?”

The waiter stared at the girl’s empty plate. “Pay her bill,” he replied smartly. The girl sighed and reached into her pocket, producing two folded blue bills with “P200” written on them. “And then leaving, you’re crowding a table we need for other customers.”

The girl gave him a shocked look. “How can you say that to a paying customer?”

“Ma’m, you’ve been staring at that crossword puzzle since we opened.
If you couldn’t solve it then, you can’t solve it now.”

Wrong

Pay the bill. And now leave,.

And the general setup is just ... bad. Like. Bad cartoon bad.

Free juice to anyone under 18? What kinda place is this, kiddy mc kidonalds? If this is a fancy cafe or restruant I highly doubt they're going to cater to children like that. If it's a clique place to go, I doubt people are going to be 'old enough' to have children 'young enough' to take.

And in the pokemon world's society where people from 8-10 can obtain a pokemon and generally wander off unaided by adults, why would anyone offer free juice like that? Hell charge the lil creeps for all it's worth, they want to drink healthy, they gotta pay!

And Waitmonkey.. you know insulting the waiters/staff usually gets you kicked out- and if it doesn't, it makes people think you're a rude, crude, self centered, selfish little brat who's not mature enough to speak in a civilized manner; yet the waiter didn't come off as exasperated over that. No. He's probably still rolling around how someone is knocking back straight shots of juice as if they were mixed with vodka and demanding more.

If you were trying for humor it was delivered so poorly... it never reached the destination.

And then in one instant you have her going from a fuming, angry brat, to a love struck fool because some randomly charming british accented person is speaking to her nicely.

I've heard of falling in love at first sight; but I've never truly seen someone drop everything they had, rage included and fall heads over heals for someone.

The man glared at her. “Ha ha. You won’t go any further, I’m gonna show you who the weakling is by crushing you and your Pokemon into the ground!”


/yawn

And the bit before this was pretty bad too. About time, I'm so bored because there's only weaklings here. And instead of moving my big mouth elsewhere, I continue to bad mouth these people and get shocked when I offend some big dumb brute!

Que the big dumb brute!

Seeeeee.... bland.

<You still have the TM, missy,> the bell chimed, <I can’t use Torment. Wanna try something different, or maybe I should just tell him his attacks suck.>

... and I'm stopping right here. You've proven you've ignored crit and advice on how to get better anyways, I'm not gonna bother with what a mary sue with talking pokemon >>
 
Wrong

Pay the bill. And now leave,.

And the general setup is just ... bad. Like. Bad cartoon bad.

Free juice to anyone under 18? What kinda place is this, kiddy mc kidonalds? If this is a fancy cafe or restruant I highly doubt they're going to cater to children like that. If it's a clique place to go, I doubt people are going to be 'old enough' to have children 'young enough' to take.

And in the pokemon world's society where people from 8-10 can obtain a pokemon and generally wander off unaided by adults, why would anyone offer free juice like that? Hell charge the lil creeps for all it's worth, they want to drink healthy, they gotta pay!

And Waitmonkey.. you know insulting the waiters/staff usually gets you kicked out- and if it doesn't, it makes people think you're a rude, crude, self centered, selfish little brat who's not mature enough to speak in a civilized manner; yet the waiter didn't come off as exasperated over that. No. He's probably still rolling around how someone is knocking back straight shots of juice as if they were mixed with vodka and demanding more.

If you were trying for humor it was delivered so poorly... it never reached the destination.
I had no clue where to start with this, so I"ll just take it all at once.
Now, I know the humor is bad to you, But I write what I think is funny. I know peoples tastes don't alway match up (I, for one, have been kicked out of class for laughing at the otherwise tragic death of a four yearold because she fell off the grand canyon). I did, though find your bid about the Vodka helarious.

And, the juice thing. I sacrificed logic for humor; It's somthing I try to make a halmark of the series.

And then in one instant you have her going from a fuming, angry brat, to a love struck fool because some randomly charming british accented person is speaking to her nicely.

I've heard of falling in love at first sight; but I've never truly seen someone drop everything they had, rage included and fall heads over heals for someone.
Every girl I've ever known ever is more than capeable of changing attitudes at the drop of a hat depending on what's happening. Since I'm not a girl, I obviously don't know what this feels like, but I can presume (from seeing it enough times) that it's pretty instantanious.



/yawn

And the bit before this was pretty bad too. About time, I'm so bored because there's only weaklings here. And instead of moving my big mouth elsewhere, I continue to bad mouth these people and get shocked when I offend some big dumb brute!

Que the big dumb brute!

Seeeeee.... bland.
"Show me a story with out chiches and I'll show you an incomplete story"
Cliche, over done, and over used? Yes.
A good way to just cue up an event to demonstrate a character in action? Yes.
"Roses are red
Violets are blue,
Cliches are cliches
because they are true"

... and I'm stopping right here. You've proven you've ignored crit and advice on how to get better anyways, I'm not gonna bother with what a mary sue with talking pokemon >>
These are old chapters that I *KNOW* need reworking, but didn't bother reworking. Like I said, I'm reworking chapter three, which I feel is in more dire need than the problems in 1 and 2.
And "talking"? Wait. I use <> marks to indicate what the pokemon were "saying" to give them personality. Why? Because Pokemon have wider ranges for personality (since there are far more of them in the cast) and interaction with the humans. I do suppose I didn't make it clear enough that that is what those marks are used for, so I guess it was just a mistake on my part, I expected people to presume it on their own, since it's a deivce used in other fics as well. *shrug*


Nice! Way to phoenix the story! I'm here, excited to see this play out!!!!! I may be a bit erratic with my comments and such, mostly because school is so much more monopolizing
than it ever should be. But whatev.

So yeah! Keep it up!
School *sigh* yeah, how it consumes what little free time I already have.
Still love hearing from you, so be sure to check in from time to time, and I"ll keep you posted (from time to time(
 
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