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Through Emerald Eyes

Have you read this story?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 4 36.4%
  • No.

    Votes: 2 18.2%
  • >_> Maybe...

    Votes: 5 45.5%

  • Total voters
    11
  • Poll closed .

Literate

black cat, black cat
Alright, I haven't been here for ages, so a lot of people might not know me. So for a proper intro, HI! ^_^

Okay, that's done and over it. Well, rated G or PG but basically PG. This is my first fic on this forum and I have good knowledge on how to write trainer fics.

Yes, this is a trainer fic. Enjoy!

Ch. 1
--------------------------------------
It was a grand day out in the park. The trees were moving to the movement of the winds. A particularly strong wind I was paying attention to. It was strange to feel such a blowing, blowing wind current touch my long brown hair. I was more used to the gently tugging wisps of wind that surrounds my whole body, the kind that usually blows through this section of land.

I sat on the ground in an cross legged stance, staring at the trees, and suddenly all the pokemon disappeared. As my emerald eyes swept the ground around me, I concluded, ‘Something’s not right.’

And it really wasn’t right. A huge black and white helicopter literally fell out of the sky at an amazing speed of seven-hundredths feet per hour.

It slowly drifted towards the ground, causing a strong wave to pulsate from the vehicle. The wave glided from each stem of grass to another stem of weed, finally reaching towards me stationed on a small patch of foliage.

I stood up and brushed my short red skirt to clean of the little termites, ants, soil, and weed particles that had stuck on during the time I was seated on the bare dirt.

When the helicopter finally came to a stop, a young lady, who could probably be a junior in some high school yet not, which makes her eighteen or so years old, stepped out of the doorway and cursed something horrible to my ears. Then she reached back into the flying car with her admirably short and stubby hands, that together measured about eight inches, and pulled out a clipboard, which had numerous pieces of paper stuck to it like a magnet that had attracted microscopic iron atoms.

And the instance I saw her face, the full view of her entirely pathetic, wimpy, girly face, I though, ‘She found me. Oh, great pokemon from above, save me from her fiendish hands, and may she crawl into the dirt below, where she might not truly belong. Like that would happen.’

Short hair, short brown hair in and awfully retarded looking shape and style; I could kill the person who made her hair like that and rid one of the many idiots that resides on this stinking polluted planet.

A long skirt covered up to about her knees, pitch yellow, the color of the bright morning sun, and her reddish-magenta blouse were what she wore, on top of her horrible personality.

I had met her before, several times long ago, and it was horror.

She walked up to me slowly cautiously, like I was a wild animal wanting to run away. When she finally came face-to-face with me, she stopped in her tracks. I looked at her, wondering just what she was doing here in my little sanctuary. She gave the look back to me, standing firmly stuck to the ground, like she had super-glued her feet there, waiting for me to move first.

Five or so minutes passed, and almost nothing changed, besides that there were no more pokemon as far as I can see. The wind current changed, too, though in direction, not in quantity.

I narrowed my eyes and she turned sharply away, with me feeling triumphant for I knew that my stare of death had always unnerved almost anyone.

When she couldn’t deal with the ‘torture’ of not speaking, she finally said, “The Elites were looking for you. They said you had a challenger waiting.”

She was the horrid message bringer, come to wreak my peaceful existence by bringing the news from the Elite Four. I replied, “Tell them I’ll be heading over there soon, Sophie. In the meantime, I’ll just be here for a bit. They won’t mind, would they?”

Sophie scolded me, “Of course they mind! It’s Cyan, again. They want you to eliminate him from their headquarters once and for all. He’s getting annoying.”

“I’d rather roll in mud than see that guy, time and time and time again,” I complained, brushing back my ark hair a bit. “It’s annoying enough to see him at home everyday.”

“And I have to deal with him screaming in the halls, every single day!” she exclaimed reminding me that she worked in the reception hall for life.

I didn’t care; being the Champion of all Kanto is harsh, even without Cyan repeatedly trying to beat me. I tried to make her see my way, “But-“

“Shut your sissy mouth, just beat him already! I have more to deal with if that Cyan keeps showing up every minute beating the heck out of the darn weak Elites,” Sophia said using her famous snappy tongue. She was mad with fury and the same time trying to beg me to do something that only I can do. It’s like yelling at someone to save the world from evil clutches. “Celadon Viridian, just go get rid of him!!!”

I sighed. I didn’t want to but she’s forcing me to do so, ‘But on the other hand, my pokemon could do with some training,’ I thought to myself.

“Fine, fine,” I told Sophie at last. She wiped the sweat off her forehead after she heard that. I took out a red and white pokeball, the normal kind that newbie trainers use, not those custom balls that advance elites buy for their pokemon.

I threw it in the air, calling out the regular ‘sending out theme’ that many trainers overused, and the ball magically broke in half, still connected on one side of it, and a great white light came out of the pokeball.

A figure started to form from the light; a birdlike structure, ruffled feathers, and the trademark of the pokemon, it’s sharp and jagged beak. When the light faded away, there stood one of my best pokemon, Wing, my Fearow, the second pokemon I have ever caught.

She spread her ragged wings, opened her long beak and screeched her battle cry, which was supposedly high pitched as Sophie clamped her ears shut with her short and stubby hands.

I climbed onto Wing, noticing that she had grown to about six feet tall and now was able to carry me easily, unlike before, when she always had trouble flying, with me on her of course.

Sophie ran over to the helicopter, and I saw that it had made a circular mark on the tall grass, bending the stems down; I noted that maybe it was how the crop circles were formed.

I patted my Fearow and told her, “Wing, fly me to Indigo Plateau, right away.” She nodded that would say she understood and immediately lifted off the ground.

Soon, we were about a couple hundred feet above sea level and Wing zoomed towards a distant building, one that had a huge lawn around it.

The sky wasn’t too clear today; a lot of clouds were gathering above a place I call and everyone else recognizes, the League Headquarters.

We had to zoom through several clouds that made Wing fly slower, and I felt like I was damp-no, damp is an understatement- dripping wet like you’ve been in the shower with your clothes on, and the water power was at maximum speed for approximately one minute and the temperature was thirty degrees Fahrenheit.

While Wing was soaring through the clouds, I was thinking about Cyan.

Cyan Indigo was a boy about my age, twelve and a half years, a bit on the stupid side, as he doesn’t know when his pokemon is hurt enough, a bit of a braggart, considering every single time we battled, he’d always send out his shiny Pidgeot first, to face off with my Fearow, extremely stubborn, and crazy enough to not know when the round of the battle ended.

He was also my stinking neighbor, one of the biggest idiots this world has have to offer right behind Crimson Carmine, another one of the many fools on this planet, twelve years old, too, way too certain about his battle techniques, a total rich snob because of battling, and the only good thing about him was that he left to go traveling in Johto and Hoenn.

When my train of thought stopped, Wing had also stopped. She landed softly on the wet soil, and I looked around. We were at the impressive Indigo Plateau; the grass was damp, and there were other signs of recent rain, like the fact that everyone was inside and the grass was full of wet dewdrops.

I got off the bird and my feet came in contact of the crisp grass, my striped red and white shoes absorbing some liquid. I gave Wing a small pat on her head, and pulled out her pokeball, and sucked the beak pokemon back in with a flashing red glow.

I walked towards the cement pathway from the Victory Road to the Indigo Plateau, though a plateau, as I heard it, was a flat land, like a plain, only at a very high altitude, but this one was a set full of ridges each higher than another and about one thousand feet above ground level. I had always came up with that conclusion, and for a reason unknown, it’s true, yet it’s not true, and it had always messed with my head so I avoided the topic as much as I can, which was easy.

Halfway to the League building, I noticed that the stadium nearby, the Indigo Stadium, was in use for the annual Pokemon Championship.

Funny how there is both a league and championship, since they both name the same thing, but as rules have it, the winner of the championship gets to battle the Elite Four and then the Champion, and if they beat the person holding the title, they get to be champ, too, and they are recorded in the Hall of Fame.

Of course, there are a lot of people, the ones that had beaten the championship, still trying to beat the Elites, and some who’s still trying to beat the Champion, me, and the only one is Cyan, whose always destroying the competition.

When I finally reached the door, it blasted open, the force of it pushing me back, and there he was in Kanto attire, a young boy who was facing me with an confident smile, Cyan Indigo made this proclamation, “Celadon, battle me now!”

I stood my ground, on the concrete rocks that made up the walkway, and I said to him, mimicking him in sound and statement, “Right here, right now!”

Then I changed my tone back to my regular one. “How about in the stadium so you could embarrass yourself?”

I took some time to say the next word, pondering it over a bit in my head, but finally spit it out, “Again?”

His face turned red, to match the color of a Tomato berry, his ears spouted steam, like a kettle about to burst, and he started to yell at me, “You Celadon! You low little prat!”

I thought, satisfied, ‘It’s easy to get him mad.’

“I’m not low. You were the one who wanted to battle. And suggesting to having the battle in the stadium isn’t that bad,” I said with the air of child’s innocence. He wasn’t fazed though.

“Let’s just have the battle in the champion room, please,” he begged. I just stared, in shock that he would resort to begging, again. “Please, just this once? You’ve always made me battle in the stadium.”

I looked as though I was thinking it over, trying to get his hopes up, again, and it worked, again, “No,” I said teasingly. “Besides, the stadium had more room.”

So then that was settled, and we started to walk towards the stadium, Cyan, trailing behind me half-heartedly, even though there might be another battle going on at the moment.

The sky had cleared during our conversation, and now the sun was shining brightly, which was a bit strange, to me. The wind had dried off my clothes and the rays of light had warmed up my attire.

Suddenly, I heard a long stream of shouting in the way I was walking. I turned back to see what it was.

“Hey! Wait up! Celadon, don’t walk so fast!” It was Cyan running and soon he passed me and walked ahead. I noticed that he seemed a bit more motivated, and I kind of smiled at this, ‘It’s funny how he can lift his spirit from down in the dumps so fast.’

The sky turned dark again, this time drizzling a bit. I tilted my head back, only to get a raindrop in my face.

‘And…it’s funny how things change so abruptly,’ I thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I walked through the huge opening in the wall, and saw that the stadium was set up, everyone watched as I headed towards the middle of the battle stage.

“Here’s Celadon now!” a loudspeaker blared loudly, loud enough to compare to the sound of the crowd cheering.

Cyan was already there and had talked to the ref, so we could battle immediately. We walked to opposite sides of the pokemon arena. I stood in one square and he stood in the other. When we were ready, the referee started his usual announcement, and there was commentary.

“This is a battle between Celadon Viridian, the Champion, and Cyan Indigo, the challenger, for the champ title,” the announcer said through the mike, rather excitedly, and I could see the guy up in the round room where they look down at the battles dancing for joy.

The crowd roared in happiness, too, because it wasn’t everyday, they would get to see a battle conducted to fin out who is champ; more like every year, since most challengers try to beat the champion at this time, but nevertheless, they were still surprised.

“They are only allowed to use six pokemon each. The battle style is a single battle, and switching out means forfeit of the round,” the referee shouted into his portable microphone that was small enough to fit inside a

Everyone was listening intently, Cyan and me included. ‘These were important rules; only allowed to use six pokemon, I’m sure in other stadiums they definitely will use six and everyone probably would know that champion battles would be six too,’ I though sarcastically. 'And the battle will almost always be single; who ever heard of double battles in Kan-'

“And now, let the battle begin!!!!!!!!!!”
------------------------

So um, post any mistakes, okay?

EDIT: Is this that horrible that no one wants to comment????

EDIT2: Lemme add some things that I might've missed... Well, done with the edit, tell me what you think.

EDIT3: I changed the intro. It still kind of sucks.
 
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Literate

black cat, black cat
Ch. 2: Climatic Issues

Um, so next chapter is making it's debut today. It took it all morning to write this since I'm not too good writing the battles. So this entire chapter is a battle. Actually it's only one part of one round, but it's one chapter. And there is *some* plot hints, well, alot. *Some* are in Ch. 1 if anyone took the time to read. O_O If anyone read it...

Ch. 2: Climatic Issues

As the mike blared out the final word, I reached for the first pokeball on my belt, threw it into the air above the arena.

“Wing, get ready to battle!” The pokeball popped open revealing my Fearow once more. It flew in a vertical circle and when it came down it shook her feathers, I saw that she was still wet from the flight. And it was raining even more.

A shocked look passed over my face. Water dampens the non-waterproof feathers, and you can’t fly well with wet feathers. ‘So now, it’s my disadvantage. But if I’m not wrong…’

“For Celadon’s first pokemon,” The speaker said loudly. I heard a ‘ding’ near the scoreboard. “Is her Fearow! It’s a big majestic bird one of the largest around. It’s got be old to be that huge!”

I smirked, knowing that Wing was a bit huge, and probably about seven years old, which was old for pokemon.

I turned to look at the score board and in bright brown and red was mini-sized icon that was shaped to look like Wing in one of six slots below my name. Now it was the challenger’s turn to show their pokemon.

Cyan now pulled out one of his pokeballs from his belt and tossed it into battle, “”Pidgeot, let‘s go!”

The ball released a white light, the same light that pokeballs use to contain pokemon, and a bird-ish kind figure form from it.

It had outstretched wings, the wingspan of which about twenty feet, and height from head to talons rivaled six and a half feet tall. It had a soft golden undercoat, coffee colored feathers on its wings and back, and, where the regular Bird pokemon had red on the gleaming feathers on its crown, it was yellow. I was looking at Cyan’s pride and joy, his shiny Pidgeot, who was getting damper and damper by the second.

‘He just never learns.’

“Cyan has chose his Pidgeot for the first round,“ the annoying person shouted into his microphone, thus amplifying it into a deafening screech, but the crowd just roared louder, because they were seeing a shiny pokemon. Another ting was on the scoreboard, showing a Pidgeot under Cyan’s name. "It a wonder how he ever had gotten a shiny as majestic as this!”

‘By pure luck, he found it and caught it and didn’t even know it was a shiny until I told him,’ I answered the question implied by the statement in my head.

“Now that both trainers has chosen their first pokemon, let round one begin.”

Since they’re both non-water birds, they won’t do well battling with speed so Aerial Ace was unable to work well, as well was Feather Dance, Pidgeot’s signature move, seeing as he’d always use it to counter act Fearow’s speed.

I thought up a plan in my mind.

Hidden Power won’t do anything in this weather, and Agility’s out of the question.

But then the side effects of Wing Attack in the rain, so Wing’s available moves were down to two, while there’s a boost to a move that Pidgeot had and the other move was a counter attack to my move.

All I had to do is hope that it can’t hit Wing and she gets to him first.

The flags dropped and Cyan was the first to make the first move, like always, “Pidgeot, hit it with a Wing Attack from above!”

He, meaning Pidgeot, spread his wings wide and proceeded to fly to the top of the stadium.

‘Ah, he saw the advantage,’ I thought. I was going to start with the move anyway.

As he got ready for a crash landing, Pidgeot’s wings glowed silver, and Wing was waiting intently for my command.

When he was ready, Pidgeot shot out of the sky like an arrow, and since it was moist and cold, he came down even more faster than usual, thanks to the laws of gravity. I could see his speed pierce the air, as he headed straight towards Wing. The damage it could cause was immense, so I hesitated no longer.

“Wing, Double Team!” I yelled, and she quickly duplicated herself three times. It would only work for a second, but a second was all she needed.

Pidgeot didn’t exactly halt yet, but with the swerve of his wings he darted back into the sky, collecting even more dewdrops. He floated silently one hundred feet above Wing and her two copies.

And Cyan even seemed to be expecting this, but slowly waited for me to go next.

Suddenly, my Fearow stopped using Double Team and the other two disappeared. She looked at Pidgeot, not uttering a single word, which was weird because she yaps a lot.

It was a staring contest. It was totally quiet, so quiet that it sounded like a funeral in a sunny day. Until, someone decided to break the silence.

“It’s seems like no one is making a single move. Is it possible that the trainers don’t know what to do?” Everyone suddenly snapped back to their usual noise level.

‘Thank you for stating the obvious,’ I thought to myself, and wishing that I could just yell that in his face, for interrupting the quiet. ‘It’s not like I and everyone else here didn’t know that.’

Out of the blue, the sun began to shine again. Wing’s feathers seem to lighten a bit and so did Pidgeot’s wings. I smiled, ‘Perfect.’

The Beak pokemon immediately snapped into action and flew up to the same altitude as Pidgeot. She was in the right place right time and when the sun came out, all the disadvantages I had disappeared.

“Hit it with an Aerial Ace!” She heard me and before he knew it she had hit her wing in his face. And taunted him; she takes after me a lot.

Cyan also yelled a command at his pokemon. “Pidgeot, Mirror Move!”

He whipped up a transparent barrier, and sent the force of the Aerial Ace back at her. Wing almost dodged it, but still got hurt pretty bad, since, one, she was built for speed, two, she had a pretty low defense, and three, she had a very high attack. Now it was Pidgeot’s turn to snicker.

“Alright, Wing! Let’s kick it up a notch! Hidden Power!” She obeyed. Wing began to charge up some power from within, while Pidgeot was waiting slowly for her to attack. When she was finally done, she sent out a beam of light, along with some glitter of ice mixed into it.

“Dodge!” Cyan was quick to react to this, seeing as we battle countless times, and knew what strategies I used. Pidgeot quickly moved over to the left, causing the attack to miss and freeze one of the clouds.

And it started to snow. So now it was snowing. Swarming with little flakes of soft H2O. The weather had started to turn into rain right before Wing hit is with ice.

But it didn’t stop the two birds to conduct a chase. Because after Wing missed the attack, they had a sort of conversation…

-Flash Back---Translated from pokemon language to the language we all know-

“Ha-ha, you missed, you missed, you missed,” Pidgeot taunted. Wing was under control and replied teasingly back.

“Look! There’s snow! So now you won’t get your face wet when you drink water, cause you always wet yourself when you do!” Pidgeot turned red, like what Cyan did earlier, and then he started to chase her around and around the stadium.

--Which brings us back to the present--

The audience was hypnotized by this display. I merely looked at them, having so much fun chasing on another around repeatedly.

Cyan decided it was time the chase stopped and shouted an order to Pidgeot.

“Feather Dance and follow it up with a Wing Attack!”

‘What?!’ I thought, surprised. He really had practiced enough to make a combination. ‘Finally.’

“Wing, use Pursuit before Pidgeot attacks!” I told her quickly. She disappeared into the snow, and he stopped in his tracks.

And at the moment, the climate began to turn, again.
_________________________________

Well, please read. And please review.
 
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P

Pokemon Trainer X

Guest
not a bad fic. I do agree with darcstars though. There is way too much description. You should listen, darcstars helped me with my fic alot. Keep up the story an I'll keep reading ;123;
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
And here I thought I put too litte.

Well, I'll try. I used to do stories with no description at all and I totally trashed it. If I start with no description, I'll end with no description. Have you noticed that both chapters are not the same lenght, but on Word, Chapter 1 was 4-5 pages, and on Works Word Processor, Chapter 2 was 4 pages also. I guess it was the font size; one was size 14 and other 16.

Yes and darcstars is a really good nitpicker. But she only found one mistake. Yay for me.

Lessee, I'm not much of a description writer but that's how the narrator is. Sarcastic and picky and teasy. But she has a small soft spot of the idoicy Cyan, who I modeled after Ash/Red. Only a tiny bit.

I haven't done anything for Ch. 3. It will or not spur on the fic in a whole different direction, but that depends on how long the battle is. If three turns take up an entire chapter, how long will the battle go on?
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
1. I edited.
2. It was the 'Delete' button near the backspace.
3. Cyan does have brains, he's just too dense to use them until the crucial moment.
4. No, it really depends what I want. It could be anything.
5. I did. In the first chapter was the appearance of Fearow and chapter two was Pidgeot's.
6. It's crucial to the plot.

And 'Crimson' is going to appear. Only if I don't give up before then.
Chapter 3: Still on hold.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
The new chapter might be up on Friday. Maybe Saturday, 'cause I'd have some homework to do.

Anyways, Chapter 3: Plot: Ready. Typed Yet: No. If no one answers until then, I'll maybe close it. Maybe. I just don't want to reply to a thread that no one replies on. It's scary. O_O
 

not_awake

Who flung poo?
At first his struck me as interesting premise, a trainer frustrated with duties as champion. Immediately my mind started playing out some possibilities. Would she throw the match just to have peace? Is this the end of her career as a trainer? So the impression of Celadon I got from the very first part has potential.

However, there's some problems. Primarily, focus on your paragraphs. You don't need new paragraphs as often as you create them. For example, this section could be condensed to one complete paragraph. Generally, one or two sentences is not enough for a paragraph.

“Dodge!” Cyan was quick to react to this, seeing as we battle countless times, and knew what strategies I used.

Pidgeot quickly moved over to the left, causing the attack to miss and freeze one of the clouds. And it started to snow.

So now it was snowing. Swarming with little flakes of soft H2O. The weather had started to turn into rain right before Wing hit is with ice.

But it didn’t stop the two birds to conduct a chase. Because after Wing missed the attack, they had a sort of conversation…

Also, as I mentioned your character has potential, but she is played out in a sort of Mary Sue-ish way. Her knowledge of battle seems too complete. It's reasonable that she knows a lot, but her ability to predict what should be happening is a bit too much. Things seem to be going her way a little too often.

The names, too, made me cringe a little. Though I understand if you want it as sort of an omage to the manga. They just rub me the wrong way a bit. Entirely personal preference though.

Anway, I hope you luck with this. I hope my advice helps. I'll check it out again to see what you've done with it.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
First I want to say, thanks for the review.

Second, reply:

Well, actually in the first chapter, which I did on Word, had a ton of clumped paragraphs. So I spaced them out. And I did the same for Ch. 2. A

And she did predict most of the moves that Cyan use, but that's because they had battle like, 40+ times. With the same team. It said that Cyan had come to battle her again, but it hadn't y'know told you how much times they actually battle. *glances* Well, it does. It says "countless".

And um, can I say she is better than Cyan, though he has a few tricks too? Cause she is.

The names do sound funny. I didn't read much of the manga so I don't know what it's about. All I know is that there's a Red and Blue. I heard about a Green somewhere...

And your advice really helps. ^_^

Chapter Progress: Halfway through. May be up on Saturday night. Well, on my time.

EDIT: What is a omage?
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
Chapter 3

So here's chapter 3. I could have posted this afternoon, but the laptop went crazy again. Can't do the chapter and be on the net at the same time. This is where the plot changes and where everything changes. Hope I improved.

Chapter 3
--------------------------

Wing flew in and out of the snow preparing a chance to strike Pidgeot. The snow was still falling and obscured his view, as he tried to spot the Fearow anywhere.

I glanced over at Cyan and he had that questioned look and he wasn’t even paying attention to Pidgeot. This struck me as strange, because he had always concentrated in the battle.

‘What is he looking at?’ I turned my head in the direction he was looking in. ‘What the-?’

It was a huge whirlwind, heading this way. It was almost near the stadium and it had begun sucking up the snow around it. White and gray winds swirled inside as it came towards the Indigo Plateau.

“Oh, for the love of peace, let’s just get out of here!” I motioned to Wing who had already sensed the problem and started to fly towards me, with her wings sloshed with snow.

“Cyan, you dummy! This is a tornado! TOR-NA-DO! Don’t just stand there!” I yelled to Cyan who got my message. He pulled out Pidgeot’s pokeball and quickly returned it. I followed suit.

Then I ran over to referee who was about to call ‘tie’. I grabbed his microphone and addressed the crowd.

“People, ladies and gents, children and kids, please evacuated the Indigo Stadium in an orderly fashion proceeding out the front doors immediately,” I mulled it over in my head a bit then, when the ref was about to grab it again, I said to myself and probably all who were listening, “Ah, who am I kidding? RUN, PEOPLE, RUN! THERE IS A TORNADO COMING THIS WAY!”

Everyone was confused now. Cyan snatched the mike from me and said, “Everyone, a tornado with the wind up to…” He looked over at me before he continued, and I mouthed ‘four hundred,’ “four hundred miles per hour. So get out of here quick!”

The referee took it from him and walked away mumbling, “Kids these days…”

I scanned the benches and everyone was getting up and/or walking away. We both, then, started to run across the stadium, over the bright green grass that covered with snow. When we reached the exit of the stadium another phenomenon happened.

We turned our heads around to stare at the clouds gathering at the topmost part of the funnel. There was a quick flash and another. ‘Now things are really getting strange,’ I thought.

“What the heck is going on here?!” Cyan said in shock. The rumbling of thunder sounded through the stadium as the mass of people screamed and ran for the exit.

“Something is definitely going on…”

----------------------------------

It was pouring rain, again. We were finally safely inside with the other five thousand people who were present at the time. Every so often, when the weather wasn’t too drastic, one or two people would go home by the shuttle train, that goes from the Indigo Plateau to Saffron and to Goldenrod in Johto. Meanwhile I was talking to the Elite Four and Cyan was being annoying.

“This has happened before?” I asked Lance, leader of the Elite Four. He had odd red hair and was dressed in a funny red and black cape and a black and red outfit, again. I think he likes those two colors. “I haven’t seen anything in the news.”

“You don’t even watch the news-ow,” I clocked Cyan to shut him up.

“Well, this is happening in Hoenn and Johto and it wasn‘t on the news,” he replied partly ignoring what I just did.

“So it’s like a flu?” I asked, wanting to get a firm picture in my head.

“Duh, it spreads,” Cyan inserted stupidly and then completely regretting it when I shot a deadly look at him.

“I have to get somewhere now, so I you don’t mind I’ll be leaving,” Lance hurried away a bit nervously, leaving Cyan at my mercy.

“You have to learn how to shut up, Cyan,” I said to him matter-of-factly.

“You have to learn how to ignore me, Celadon,” he said countering my statement.

My mouth slid into a slight grin. I told him, “Remember the time when I punched you so hard that you fell down crying?”

“That?”

---Flashback--- Seven Years Ago---

It was a bright and sunny day in Pallet Town. The school bell had just rung and the kids were dismissed. They walked one by one out the door and finally trailing behind was a trio of kids, namely Celadon, Cyan, and Crimson.

“Why do you two always follow me?” Celadon asked angrily. The two boys stared sideward at each other.

“Well, we’re neighbors and Mom said to keep together since we live on the same street,” Cyan said to her.

“And besides, you’re a girl. We have to be bodyguards,” Crimson remarked.

“Yeah, bodyguards, you could get hurt and cry like a little sissy girl. Sissy!” Cyan mocked.

In a flash, Celadon had moved her hand to his face and gave him a good punch. He fell onto the ground and tears started to well up in his eyes.

“MOMMY! CELADON HIT ME!”

----End Flashback---

“Remember?” I said, smiling at the cherished memory. Though I didn’t know why I had hit him, I just did that to feel better.

He rubbed his cheek. “I can still feel it, now.”

“And I can still hit as hard,” I said, half scaring him because he never likes to get smacked by me.

He looked over to the side, trying to ignore me. I just started to walk away since I wanted something else to do besides stand here. I was stopped, abruptly, when I felt his hand grip the back of my collar.

“Celadon?” he said unsurely. He turned me to the spot he was looking at. “Look over there.”

“Hmm?” I saw a door slam about five meters away. I turned back towards him and asked him, “What’s the big-”

“I wonder what the Elites are doing…”

Now he has grabbed my attention. We walked stealthily over to the door, every step causing the carpet to soften.

He opened the door a bit causing some voices to drift out. I peeked over his shoulder to see what was going on.

“Now it’s happening to us?” someone asked. It was Agatha, the oldest of the Elite Four. Agatha trained ghost and poison types, types that I wouldn’t want to go near. She was dressed in a violet blouse, complementing a long gray skirt, and a lavender shawl was draped over her shoulder. She, in my view, was one of the strongest trainers in the world since she has a lot of experience, even though she was old.

“Yes, I got a phone call from Karen long time ago, pertaining to a message she just got,” Lorelei said to her. Lorelei was the first of the Elite Four. Now she had some fashion sense. She had red hair, a bit maroon-ish, wore a black tight black blouse, and an a short purple skirt.

And I have no idea who ‘Karen’ is.

“Well, what was it?” Agatha said to her, waiting for the answer.

“It was from a Hoenn Elite Four. She wasn’t sure because the image was distorted and she couldn’t recognize the voice. All she thought it was a prank,” she answered looking at her. “Guess it wasn’t.”

Lance stepped up. “So you mean it happened to Hoenn first?”

“Yeah, I guess, but we can’t contact anyone. Weather problems you know,” Lorelei said matter-of-factly.

I asked from the door, suddenly snapping them out of their conversation, “So what’s happening?”

The three of them jumped. They turned my way. I glanced around the room. ‘Seems like Bruno isn’t here. Good.’

“What’s going on?” I asked them. I had a right to know because I was the champion.

“Celadon,” Lance looked like he was sweating a lot. “Look. This is adult’s business and you can’t go and bother us, alright?”

He began to push me and Cyan out the door and almost slammed it shut.

“Lance, she could help with our ‘dilemma’,” Lorelei told him with her arms crossed.

He turned around and faced her and asked her, “Exactly how?”

Agatha was listening and tapped her head for a while, and then she said, “I see your point, Lorelei.”

“See even the old wise one sees my view,” Lorelei told him smugly.

“Really? I said ‘how‘????”

“Sheesh, young men are so crazy these days,” Agatha shook her head. I had the same belief. I like the way she thinks. Cyan was one of the insane young men she talked about. Though Cyan was absurdly quiet through this entire conversation. It wouldn’t surprise me if he fell asleep.

“She could help us see what’s wrong with Johto and Hoenn,” Lorelei informed Lance.

“Yeah, but if there is weather problems, as you have said before, the transportation system, airplanes, ferries, and even pokemon would b no use,” he acknowledged.

Lorelei turned to me and asked me, “You remember how to get to Johto right?”

“HOW???” Lance had overheard her question.

‘Get to Johto…’ I thought. “Yeah, I remember.”

“How did you get to Johto??” he nearly shouted.

“I…” I started. “Hitchhiked.”

Lorelei sensing that Lance was going to explode changed the conversation, “You know how to get there anyway. So get there and head to New Bark Town and-”

“Hold up!” Lance said this time yelling to get her attention. “First we have to get her parent’s permission. Second, she might not be up to it. Third, who knows what might happen to her if she goes out in that.”

He pointed out the window, and now it was thunder storming. Flashes of lightning and a few sounds of thunder accompanied his remark.

“Counter attack one is we can easily get her parent’s permission.”

“How? Go up to them and say, ‘Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Viridian, can you let Celadon go on a journey in Johto and Hoenn by herself?’ I don’t think so,” Lance had made up his mind.

“Counter attack two is that she is up to it. Right?” she asked me.

“Right, so Lance, there are good sections of the weather where it is good enough to travel in. Probably in intervals of five minutes,” Lorelei said back to him.

“What do we do?” Lance said pointing out a weak point in her plan. But I knew what they could do.

“Take a survey to see how long it would strike each city and put up reinforcements in time,” I suggested.

“See even Celadon knows what to do,” Lorelei said harshly to him. “Don’t underestimate her.”

“But the point I brought up before. She can’t go alone. Her parents wouldn’t allow it.”

She sighed. Lorelei was out of ideas. “Well…”

“She could go with Cyan. He’s almost as capable,” Agatha said to the other two, who perked up at the statement.

I froze. I turned to Cyan who was intently listening to them yap. Nonsense ran though my mind at speeds of light.

“That solves that problem, Lance,” Lorelei told him.

Lance leaned against the wall and sighed, “I give up. It is dangerous, right?”

“Dangerous, yes, life-threatening, no,” Agatha inserted smartly.

I was in a state of shock, oblivious to what they said next. I wanted to puke. ‘This is going to be the worse ever. Traveling with Cyan, again.’
------------------------

Plus I can't even think of names for a chapter. Anyway, reviews are welcomed.
 

not_awake

Who flung poo?
Well, I only have two criticisms of this chapter. First, it seems a bit scripty; there's a lot of dialogue and sometimes a reader can get lost in it. It may help if some of the decision making was hidden from the reader and the conversation editted down a bit. The second thing that struck me as detrimental was the flashback. It seemed a little unnecessary.

You may consider asking some others for reviews in the Author's Cafe. For now I'll abstain from anymore until you've had the chance to get some other opinions on your work.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
^_^ A review!

First, it seems a bit scripty; there's a lot of dialogue and sometimes a reader can get lost in it.
I know. Hardy any description or anything. It's just that I couldn't exactly concentrate. Or something. I think I was toning down the descriptions a bit. But whatevers...

It may help if some of the decision making was hidden from the reader and the conversation editted down a bit.
How do I editted down a bit? I'm kinda new to this kind of writing. I like talking to people through writing. And well, I thought some may ask questions like, "How come a twelve year old went on a journey suddenly to 'save the world' and not the Elites? Why are her parents going to let her go?" And stuff like that. I could cut some off...

And the flashback just kinda well, uh, adds to the knowledge of the history. O_O I do not know what I just said. Rephrase. I'm adding these little flashback maybe in the next chapters and so. It just shows that Celadon doesn't like the two, and why they had to follow her around. ^_^' Yeah, that's it. But if it's getting on your nerves, I could just replace some with dialogue type of flashback. I liked it though. ^_^

And I'll try to find reviewers. The chapter's only four pages. And I'll try to improve Ch. 3. I still need the title.

EDIT: Yay! I learned a new word! Detrimental= Causing harm, right?

EDIT2: I can't cut anything off. They're all connected to the plot or history. Like when she hitchhiked...
 
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Demise

...An orange blob...
“Dodge!” Cyan was quick to react to this, seeing as we battle countless times, and knew what strategies I used.

Pidgeot quickly moved over to the left, causing the attack to miss and freeze one of the clouds. And it started to snow.

So now it was snowing. Swarming with little flakes of soft H2O. The weather had started to turn into rain right before Wing hit is with ice.

But it didn’t stop the two birds to conduct a chase. Because after Wing missed the attack, they had a sort of conversation…

However, there's some problems. Primarily, focus on your paragraphs. You don't need new paragraphs as often as you create them. For example, this section could be condensed to one complete paragraph. Generally, one or two sentences is not enough for a paragraph.

Well...not_awake, it is a good idea to seperate different topics.

If you just clumped it together it'd be harder to read...of course I would give up reading clumps of paragraphs.

So if you clumped it together such as:

]“Dodge!” Cyan was quick to react to this, seeing as we battle countless times, and knew what strategies I used. Pidgeot quickly moved over to the left, causing the attack to miss and freeze one of the clouds. And it started to snow.

It'd be hard to read, of course. The second and third sentence sort of explains the moves of Pidgeot, so it would go into a whole different paragraphs.

Well, I only have two criticisms of this chapter. First, it seems a bit scripty; there's a lot of dialogue and sometimes a reader can get lost in it. It may help if some of the decision making was hidden from the reader and the conversation editted down a bit. The second thing that struck me as detrimental was the flashback. It seemed a little unnecessary.

The flash backs were probably put there to introduce the main character a bit more. Because Celadon is already a champion and none of her trainer days were shown, it be easier for the readers to picture what kind of girl she is.

Yes, yes, dialouge is important...so is description. I think that hiding things from a reader by dialouge takes real skill. It takes a lot of thinking.

Hmm, making Lance unable to think much of a solution...good one...^_^..

I look forward to the next chapter.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
Well, nice advice. ^_^'

Darcstars finished my explaination for the flashbacks. I'll just compromise and put only two paragraghs for the four paragraphs.

Anyway, I have to confess, I bet a fourth of the views for the fic is done by me. ^_^''' Nervousness does that. Heh heh.

Well, I should tell some readers that read this to expect the chapter this weekend. If I don't get TEN Exit Goals... this April is a very pressing time.
 

not_awake

Who flung poo?
darcstars said:
Well...not_awake, it is a good idea to seperate different topics.

If you just clumped it together it'd be harder to read...of course I would give up reading clumps of paragraphs.

In my mind, even this small edit was easier to follow. We have the beginning of a course of action (Pidgeot's reaction), a description of how it occurred, and the consequence of the action. I would further this with the next section she used to describe the snow because in my mind this is the continuation and consequence of a single action.

As her original draft stood, too many paragraphs occupied only one or two lines. This means the ideas need to be condensed into larger paragraphs or they need to be developed into thoughts that can stand on their own. As they were there was no transition from one thought to another, creating a halting rhythm which I found difficult to read and visually to look at.

That's not to say "clump" things together; ideas here just need to be joined and organized in a better fashion.

As for flashback, I'll say I'm hard on them from personal preferences; they seem like a all-too-simple to use tool for rehashing the past. I find it much more preferable to introduce these elements through conversations or character interactions.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
As her original draft stood, too many paragraphs occupied only one or two lines. This means the ideas need to be condensed into larger paragraphs or they need to be developed into thoughts that can stand on their own. As they were there was no transition from one thought to another, creating a halting rhythm which I found difficult to read and visually to look at.
Okay, now well, you should see how it looked it on Microsoft Works. I had to go to 200% to actually see the words because one, it's Freestyle and two, it's size 12. I just do that because I have a habit of making tiny chapters. You should see one I did called "Ice Heron." Each chapter was about 4-5 pgs and every sentence was space. -_- The halting and things are pretty much why I seperated them into paragraphs.

And I edited it upon posting. You know how small the edit and reply box right? I couldn't apply the size and things.
That's not to say "clump" things together; ideas here just need to be joined and organized in a better fashion.
And I suck at organizing. It's just the way I speak. In the middle of something, I would remember it and completely forget the subject. In this case, I could see where I left off 'cause it's recorded onto the comp.
As for flashback, I'll say I'm hard on them from personal preferences; they seem like a all-too-simple to use tool for rehashing the past. I find it much more preferable to introduce these elements through conversations or character interactions.
Well, technically they speak almost everyday, 'cept for Crimson, every other week is more like it. The journey isn't really like a reunion or anything, so they don't dwell on the past unless it's really bad. And it's not like they are memory impaired, like I am. I forget easily so that's why I do things fast. Such as this chapter.

Well, onto the chapter. Nothing done. Yet. This weekend maybe. Just expect more chapters during April 14 and April 24. That's my Spring Break.

~PEACE~
 
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Literate

black cat, black cat
Well, I've written Ch. 4. I did it yesterday. -_-

Problem is, the internet decided to conked out a few days ago on my laptop. Then that computer just had to have no floppy port. And I went through at least ten CDs when I tried to write the file on to take it to my other computer, that unusually has a working connection. And my mom just had to give away my thumbdrive. -_-

That = no chapter and a grumpy me. -_-
 
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Silentvibrava

Techno Teen
I'm here on a request! My computer keeps shutting down on me.*coughseviltroganviruscoughs* It is really hard to maintain my frustration. This is a fiction that kept me interested.

For some reason I really like Cyan's character. I don't know why. Maybe, it's because he is one of those people who chase after their dream-no-matter-what.

If you want more reviewes I recommend that you look at the Reviewer's Topic at the Author's Lounge, and PM people you might think are interested in your story. *keeps reading*
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
It is? Cyan is really different. I haven't even decided on his personality. I'm just winging it. Celadon's is more easy to write since, basically, I model her after myself. A bit anyway.

Well, maybe I'll get the chapter on tomorrow if I can find a way to transfer the file from my laptop to the den computer. It's just whacked.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
Ch. 4: Quiet Feud

Well, I should've posted the chapter yesterday. I got the flashdrive and then on Monday, it was just my luck. [/sarcasm] Ten stupid exit goals.

Well, that's over now, and now I shall post the Ch. 4. That was finished on Friday. Note: Most of the things Celadon does is what I'd do too. SO some of her reactions may be weird. Beware. This is probably a boring chapter. It does include one little tiny detail.

Ch. 4 Quiet Feud
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I excused myself to go out into the main lobby, which, by now, was empty of the multiples of people that had occupied the stadiums.

I moved towards one of the soft sofas, all in this case, were a light chestnut. Leaning back towards the cushion, I fell and tried not to feel dizzy.

Although my outwardly expression was quite composed, inside a flurry a thoughts were crossing my mind.

‘Traveling with Cyan is the worst thing they had made me do. Cyan is one of the most uncooperative and the most insincere person I have ever met. But if they ask my mom, she’d force me to go travel with him anyway. The mere thought makes me sick,” I perked up a bit as another thought rushed through my head. ‘Maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to go. Please, please, please, please don’t make me go,” I begged silently.

I heard the door open and I felt a pair of eyes looking at me.

“What do you want?” I said rudely, turning my head to the person who had opened the door, Cyan.

“I wanted to get out of their ‘discussion.’ Lance and Lorelei are very loud,” he answered walking over to one of the chairs that weren’t pushed in and sat down on it.

Several minutes passed and we both were in silence. I was now itching to have some sort of conversation even if it was with Cyan.

“Hey, Cyan,” I called. He looked over at me confused. I sighed before I went on, knowing what I was asking. “Do you think your mom will let you go on a journey?”

He waved a something that was possibly invisible and then replied, “If I have a good excuse, then yes.”

“What if you don’t?”

He rolled his eyes, thinking perhaps. “Still yes, I guess.”

“What about me? Do you think that Mom will let me go?” I said to him while thinking, ‘Say no, say no!’

He stared into space and moved his hand through his brown hair for several seconds before giving me an answer. “I guess… No. Yes maybe. You have to ask her.”

“You are of no help to me,” I told him sternly. “Be gone.”

He turned to look at me, eyes scanning my face. “Since when did you use that phrase? I swear I heard it before.”

“That was the time if I asked you who the gym leader was in Viridian City, you dope,” I sighed. “You are extremely hopeless.”

“Am not. I can get through the Rock Tunnel without a map.”

“In five days. Trust me, without me you would still be in Mt. Moon,” I laid back on the couch.

“And you would still be in he Pokemon Tower,” he told me. Eye-to-eye contact was made and he had a soft expression in his look. I felt my cheeks go red. I broke eye contact with him by standing up abruptly.

As I looked away from him, walking towards the exit and through the automatic glass doors, I could see that the weather is a bit stable.

I turned back to him and said, “Cyan, tell them I’m going home. I’m going to ask Mom personally.”

The door opened and I stepped out, tossing a pokeball into the air. “Wing, let’s Fly!”

The ball burst open and revealed my Fearow. I jumped onto her and commanded, ”Head home before the storm comes back.”

I felt her wings propel forward and up we flew.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“You’re going where?” My mom turned to me. She quickly turned back, because the water on the stove was coming to a boil.

My eyes followed her as she grabbed bunches of broccoli and tossed them into the steel pot. “Mom, I’m going on a journey.”

“Journey? Didn’t you already go?” She dumped the rest of the broccoli into the pot and slammed the lid onto it.

“Yeah, but this time it’s to Johto.”

She wiped her hands onto her frilly apron and moved towards the cupboards. “Alone?”

“No, Cyan’s coming along,” I said, rocking on the chair in anticipation. She took out a frying pan from out of one of the many cupboards.

“Really?” My mom put it onto the stove and set it on ‘High‘.

“Yes, really,” I said to her with a dreary look. Luckily she didn’t see.

A strange burbling sound filled the room and my mom rushed to the pot and lifted the lid off. “Phew.”

The frying pan was now producing steam and, in a flash, she drained the water out of the pot and dumped the broccoli onto the frying pan.

I watched, intrigued. “Mom, what are you doing?”

She ignored me and walked over to the opposite side of the kitchen.

My mom looked through the condiments and finally picked up a box of cornstarch out. “Mom! Are you using cornstarch?!”

She put the box onto the counter and brushed her hair back. “Yes, it’s a recipe I got next door. Don’t worry about it; it’s going to be tasty.”

Wide eyes followed her every movement. She took out a teaspoon and measured the powdery substance. “Four teaspoons.”

She sprinkled it onto the broccoli and moved over to the sink. “A bit of water…”

The water was being poured into a small cup. She poured that into the frying pan.

“Have you lost your mind?!” I nearly shouted. She went about business, like nothing was happening.

“And chicken powder,” She scrambled around the kitchen, apparently looking for something.

‘What on earth is Mom doing?’ I racked my mind for an explanation, half-heartedly. ‘Cooking, no duh.’

She found a packet in her dark black purse and she cut it open with a pair scissors she suddenly had.

“Mom? Where’d you get that?” I asked, never even hearing of ‘chicken powder’ before.

“Hmm? What did you say?” She bustled back to the stove and dumped all of the packet’s contents onto the broccoli.

I watched from a distance finally admitting to myself. ‘She’s insane.’

-------------------------------------

I laid down on the couch, waiting for my mom to finish her ‘masterpiece.’ I was bored, no doubt, but there is always a small bright light that helps us go on. ‘I better ask Dad then. It never hurts to ask him.’

I stood up, sluggishly, and tramped up the stairs.

When I was on top of the staircase, I turned left down the hallway to my parent’s room.

I knocked on the door roughly. I stood there waiting for ten seconds, and hearing no reply I barged in.

“Dad, I’m going on a journey to Johto,” I said to my dad, who was in his desk seat and was typing on the computer. The room’s state, which was messy, told me that he had just recently woke up. ‘He just never bothers to clean up.’

“Really? How? The reports say that there are technical difficulties,” he turned around to look at me.

“I know how. That’s not the question,” I plopped onto their bed, still keeping eye contact with him.

“Oh, you’ll have to ask your mother. She’ll tell you.”

“How would you know that Mom will tell me?”

“You asked her last time you wanted to go journey. Ask her again.”

“But Dad, she’s cooking,” I complained to him.

He jumped form his seat. “What?! Cooking?! I told her I would cook today!”

“Yeah,” I replied and saw him speed down the stairs.

I turned over onto my back. ‘Everyone’s an idiot.’

-------------------------------------------

“So you’ll let her go?” Cyan, unfortunately, asked my mother. I laid on the floor of the living room, which was covered in plush carpet, and I stared up at the ceiling.

‘Hey! There’s a black dent. Oh, and there’s gum! Paint’s coming off!’ I thought sarcastically. ‘I’m getting so bored.’

“Yes, like last time just make sure she doesn’t get lost or in trouble. I’m counting on you,” my mom said to him.

“Mom!” I said, loud enough to get her attention. “You need to repair the ceiling. It’s broken.”

“Celadon, you don’t have to worry about things like that,” my mom told me.

“When are we leaving?” I asked, changing the subject, yet again.

“Tomorrow, if you’re ready in time,” my dad inserted.

“Yes, we’ll just bring our regular things like what we did on our first trip,” Cyan added helpfully.

‘Trusting him is overrated.’

“You should be done by tonight,” Mom said to us.

‘Great. Now we have a useless conversation.’

“I’ll be in my room…,” I told them walking upstairs. “Packing.”

I heard only faint noises when I was in my room. It had white walls, sporting only a map of Kanto. Walking over to the PC, I passed by a seemingly empty bookshelf.

‘Nah, I just want to think a bit,’ I changed course and headed for my fluffy white bed.

I fell onto it and ran over a very reoccurring thought in my mind, ‘I want to go to Johto. I want to go on a journey. I want to help out. I just don’t want to go with Cyan. It’s even worse now since…’ I stretched my hands into the air above me. ‘It’s engraved in stone…’
 
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Angelic Elf Ivy

Well-Known Member
Pretty good. One problem you seem to have is staying in the same tense. I've seen you use past and present tense in some of your sentences at the same time. I do the same thing, but just watch out for that a bit. Still, it is an interesting story, and I am curious as to what's going on with the weather. PM me when you have chapter 5 up, okay?

*~*Ivy*~*
 
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