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Through the Thunder and the Lightning

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Brutaka, Jun 26, 2012.

  1. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    This a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Fan Fiction.

    Ratings and Warnings
    -This fic may contain mild language that may be unsuitable for small children who probably can't read.
    -This fic is subject to non-graphic violence that maybe unsuitable for those who can't watch/play Pokemon. In which case, why are you reading this?
    -This fic could contain non-graphic death, which may be unsuitable for those who can't hold in allofyourfeels.jpg very well.
    -This fic may contain super adorable characters, which may be unsuitable for manly tough guys that don't understand the term "Cute".
    -This fic features war between powerful monsters which may be unsuitable for hippies.
    -This fic is subject to interactions with a deity, which may be unsuitable for die-hard religion fanatics.
    -This fic can contain logical and critical thinking, which may be unsuitable for liberal arts majors.
    -This fic contains sarcasm which may be unsuitable for those who think sarcasm is a language from the country "Sarca".

    If you want me to PM you when each chapter is posted, tell me and I will put you on this list.
    PM List
    saphirapwns ; Knightfall ; ever ; Azurus ; Fire Aruseus ;
    Rotomknight ; muchmula ; AceTrainerMohamed ; Trickster Zorua ; Grav ;
    Shadow Lucario 50 ; Cometstarlight ; jireh the provider ; Meeker ; JFought ;
    JX Valentine ;

    Please keep in mind that this is my very first Fan Fiction ever, so please feel free to post tips/critiques/reviews/hints, etc. I try to catch all my errors, but I'm not perfect, so mention those too.

    And, with that out of the way, let's get this thing started!

    ~~~~~~~~
    Watching myself when I'm taking strides but here comes the moon and it feels and it feels like an informer quick run away hide before they see you, you know it is all, all a glow
    -Tyrant, One Republic
    ~~~~~~~~

    Prologue
    re:Danger Above

    The panting. The pounding. The stomping. The roaring.

    These were the only things that I could hear.

    What did this beast want with me? I was a nobody - just a small town teen, too scared of change to leave on Pokemon journey like the rest of my friends. I was just out for a walk under the moonlight, despite my mother’s warnings. She, much like the rest of the town, had superstitions that a monster would eat them if they were out at night. I guess the legends were true. I always assumed they had been silly stories by those with less knowledge of the world than us. Although, silly stories don't chase you around the woods.

    There was nowhere to run, I knew. I could hide in this cave ahead of me. I knew that it probably wouldn’t save me, but I had something I needed to do before the beast got me. I heard the black monster begin to charge an attack. It sounded as if the very air was being split. That clap of thunder I was so accustomed to hearing above Lacunosa Town in the stormy months. It wasn't a storm though. If only it was just a storm.

    And why was nobody around to help? I knew the residents of my own town were inside and would be of no help. But even at night, the forest was usually crawling with Rangers.

    I ran with all of my might and ducked into the small opening in the cliff side. I used to come here when I was small. It was a safe place - a haven from the school yard bullies who pestered me day in and day out. I hoped it wouldn’t be my grave.

    I crawled as far back into the cave as I could go, but the gouged out hole wasn't very deep. Another rumble of thunder sounded. The beast was getting closer.

    Swallowing my fear, I pulled out a pencil and the small sketch journal that I kept inside my jacket pocket and hurriedly opened it to the last page. It was the only page left blank. I had drawn on all the others. I knew I wasn’t going to make it out of here, so I thought that I might as well finish one last promise in this world. She probably didn’t even remember what that promise was, but it didn’t matter. I remembered it. A friend had bought this for me on my last birthday. I vowed to her that I would fill every page of this book with meaningful memories and art. I told her I would finish it, even if it took my whole life. I had been holding off from the last page; I wanted to save it for something important. I hadn’t taken into account that my deadline might be coming up faster than I had originally thought.

    The mouth of the cave was suddenly illuminated with the fury of a lightning bolt. I shielded my eyes with my arm and squinted away. When the blast dissipated, I seen that the mouth of the cave had been charred by the attack. I wasn't harmed, but I knew the electric beast wouldn’t miss a second time. I quickly tried to think of something to sketch for my last journal. Anything, really. It didn’t matter what; the journal just need to be finished. A white squirrel came to my mind's eye, and I quickly started drawing it. The Pokemon was a common sight in the trees of my hometown. It was reassuring and felt like home. It was a good last feeling to have.

    I heard a growl and then a sort of guttural laugh from outside the mouth of the cave. A quick glance revealed that the beast was looking me over with its massive red eye. The living nightmare was too large to fit in through the opening, but that didn’t matter. I tried to hurriedly finish my drawing, but my fear was now suppressing my will. My hand was shaking too much to draw anything comprehensible.

    I didn't want to die.

    There was another roar of thunder - so close and loud that it nearly burst my eardrums. Through the ringing left in my ears, I heard the crackling of electricity. It sounded like a short circuit.

    And suddenly everything went white.

    ~~~~~~~~
    Author's Note
    All right, so how was that? Know who the Pokemon in the clouds are? What happened to the kid? Who saved him? Why am I asking you these questions? I guess we'll just have to wait for Chapter One...
    And that was the Chapter 0 rewrite! reChapter 1's release is on the horizon, so stay tuned!

    Anyway, like I just mentioned, TTL is in the process of being rewritten. If you are a new reader, welcome! But keep in mind that going from rewritten chapters to the original chapters will be quite jarring, as the writing style is fairly different. The canon of the fic is also different, so that would probably make a bigger difference on your reading experience.

    How do you know whether or not a chapter has been rewritten? It's fairly easy. If the chapter name is preceded by "re:" than it has been rewritten. (Makes sense if you like Kingdom Hearts). For instance, The original name of this Prologue is "Danger Above". But since it's been rewritten, it's now called "re:Danger Above".
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2013
    Cometstarlight likes this.
  2. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    thanks saph! Though just keep in mind, some of those questions wont be answered to the veeeeeeeery end of the whole story. But thanks for the comment! (Though mods dont like number ratings too much, Im sure its fine since you gave other feedback as well)
     
  3. Knightfall

    Knightfall Blazing Wordsmith

    Hello, remember me? Still using the banner you made me.
    Well I must say, this is very good.
    I didn't see any obvious errors in spelling and the grammar looked alright.
    For a prologue it's pretty good; it introduced us to the main character and the antagonists of the fic without giving away too much of their plans.
    And I must say that the prologue is one of the hardest chapters to write, believe me I know from experience.

    All I can say is that I can't wait to see what happens next, and put me on the PM list.
    Knightfall signing off...;005;
     
  4. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    Thanks! I tried really hard for this one. The next chapter is in the making. I'm switching to First Person in the next chapter, and for all the remaining ones. Third Person Omnipotent Narration was a Prologue exclusive thing. Just so you know what to expect. And by the way, I read part of your as well before I posted mine. Its pretty good. I just don't have time to read it ^_^'
    And yeah, I see the banner. I remember making it. Since I've more or less mastered spriting, and I'm not too bad Pokemon Battling, I decided to try my hand at Fan Fictions!
     
  5. Knightfall

    Knightfall Blazing Wordsmith

    You're absolutely welcome, I love PMD and your story is really good for your first attempt at a fanfiction.
    And thanks for looking at my fic, it means a lot to me that you even looked at it as an author.
    And my Prologue was different as well, I guess they're meant to be different than everything else.
    I am looking forward to seeing more of this.

    Knightfall signing off... ;005;
     
  6. FieryLucario

    FieryLucario Just a Person

    This was really interesting, you did well not giving a lot away but making it interesting so that people want more! Can't wait for chapter one
     
  7. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    All right, time for Chapter One! You all excited? You should be!

    Chapter One
    Rude Awakening

    “Where am I? Ugh. I can’t remember anything,” I tried to say. “No, its no use, I’m slipping again.” Then everything was black. Several minutes later, I awoke to the sound of something flying overhead. Then, a voice spoke.

    “Hey! What’s wrong? It’s not everyday someone decides to take a nap in the middle of Foggy Woods,” the noticeably female voice said.

    “Ugh, how, where, who are you?” I struggled to answer. I also attempted to lift my head, but the whole process felt weird. My body felt strange, alien.

    “My, you have a lot of questions. And I just said that you’re in the middle of Foggy Woods. Don’t you remember coming here? You ask an odd question, actually.”

    I attempted to get up, but I just couldn’t get my body to work. It was as if my arms and legs were much too short, and my head was way too big. There was also something stuck my lower back, and it felt quite large.

    The girl spoke up again, “You’re silly! Can’t you even stand up? What happened, did you get dosed with a Stun Seed or something?”

    I finally was able to get to my feet after the third try. I wobbled, and nearly fell backwards, but the weight on my lower back balanced me. “What, what’s wrong with me?”

    “Well, it doesn’t look like there is anything wrong with you. But who knows, I’m not a doctor.” A thud sounded from behind, and I presume it was the girl. It almost sounded like a landing. Weird. I turned around, and I fell backwards again. It was some sort of creature! And it was as tall as me! It looked like some sort of squirrel, but it had skin webbing connecting her arms to her legs. I knew what she was, but I couldn’t remember the name. “Oops, did I scare you, Sparky?” she giggled.

    “Sparky? My name is… my name is Shane. Not Sparky.” I said. The name fit, and it was all I could remember at the moment.

    “That’s a weird name. Shane…I dunno, I like Sparky better. Because Shane is an awfully strange name for a Pachirisu, tee hee,” she said with a giggle.

    Wow. She’s cute. Wait, what am I thinking? And what did she say? I thought to myself. “Pachirisu? I’m not a Pokemon! I’m a human, which begs the question, why are you talking? Pokemon don’t talk!”

    “Well, sure we do! Your talking aren’t you! You’re funny!”

    “But I’m not a Pokemon!”

    “Um, ya you are, silly. Just look at your big bushy tail!” She giggled again, walked over and yanked the thing was stuck to my lower back. And it was true! It was the tail of a Pachirisu! And I can feel it! I looked myself over, which I had neglected to do previously.

    “Oh my goodness! I am a Pachirisu! What on earth? But, what? Why? Oh, I can’t remember.”

    “Are you messing with me? Because the humor is wearing off.”

    “No, I’m serious! But I can’t remember anything. All I know, is that I woke up here, as a Pachirisu, and that my name is Shane, and that I’m, or at least was, a human. Honest.”

    “Well, okay, I believe you.”

    “Um, so what’s your name? I don’t think you’ve mentioned it yet.”

    “My name is April,” she then jumped in the air, spread the webbing and glided around him for a few seconds before landing. “As in the month of the breeze that carries the scents of the flowers! And, I’m the only Shiny Emolga in all of Talmani!” And with that, she did a little curtsey and giggled.

    Holy Arceus, she’s beautiful! I thought as I watched her. What am I doing thinking that again? I’m a human! People aren’t supposed to like Pokemon! That’s wrong! But still…No! Stop it!

    “You okay there? You like your having an emotional crisis.” She said, tiling her head.

    “Oh, uh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I gave a half hearted chuckle.

    “Heh, I like you, Sparky! Come on; let’s get out of this forest. It isn’t wise to be here after dark. Even being here in the middle of the afternoon isn’t wise anymore.”

    “Why? What’s happening? Is something wrong?” I was a little worried now.

    “Wow, calm down there. I don’t actually know what’s happening, but there has been a lot of rogue Pokemon around lately. You know, Pokemon that have…gone feral? That’s the best way to explain it. They aren’t in control of themselves. It’s a sad thing to see. But it’s even more dangerous than it is sad.” She said, as we walked along a worn path. She sighed. “Things just aren’t what they used to.”

    “Well, there has to be a reason for it. Just like there has to be a reason for my transformation into a Pachrisu. I know we’ll figure it out if we try.”

    “That’s they way to think about it. Now, we’re pretty far into these woods, so we should hurry up,” she motioned a bit ahead of us and started to run. She spread her wings out, and she launched into the air. “Come on!”

    “Wait! I can’t run that fast!” I said, trying to catch up, but my legs were too short.

    “What on earth are you running like that for? Get down on four legs to run, like all the other Pachirsu!” she called out to me.

    Four legs? Well, I’ll give it a shot. And so I lowered myself down so I was on all fours, and I ran. It felt pretty natural, and not at all what I expected! I caught up to her fairly quickly.

    “That’s the way! Dang, I forgot how fast you little guys can be, hee hee!” she giggled again.

    “This is actually...kinda fun!”

    “Ya, just pay attention to where you’re going! Uh oh, what’s that noise?” Indeed, a buzzing sound had been growing, and I had been listening to it for the past couple minutes.

    “Sounds like a bunch of bees.” I called out.

    “Not just bees…Beedrill!” she screamed, as a whole swarm of them to jumped out. She managed to stop herself in time, while I promptly fell on my face. “Come on Sparky, let’s take care of them!”

    “What do you mean? How am I supposed to do that?”

    “Like this!” she yelled, and electricity began to cackle around her cheeks. Then, she shot a powerful Thundershock at the Beedrill. Half of them fell to her attack. “Come on, now it’s your turn!”

    “Me? How do I do that?”

    “Well, you’re an Electric type right? So use an electric attack!”

    “But, but, I don’t know how to do that!”

    She sighed. “Just, I dunno, focus on the pouches on your cheeks, and see if something happens.”

    Well, all right. I concentrated for a little bit, and then I felt a rush of power in my cheeks. I tried to shoot it somewhere, but it wouldn’t go. So I did the next thing that came to my mind: I rammed them. I jumped off the group, electricity still cackling around me, and I slammed into a Beedrill. The charge transferred, and it fell to the ground.

    “That was Spark! Good job!” April shouted out, right after finishing the rest of them off.

    “Thanks, I guess. But why couldn’t I fire it like you did?”

    “Different Pokemon learn to do different things at different times. No one knows why, it just happens. I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually. Now come on, let’s get out of here before they wake up.” She caught air again, and flew forwards. I dropped to all fours and ran after her. After much running/flying, we arrived at the edge of a cliff. A town lay below, and a path led down to it. April was obviously excited. “We’re here! We made it!”

    “Where are we?”

    “That, Sparky, is my hometown. Welcome to Salvage Springs!”
    ~~~~~~~~

    All right, so how Ch. 1? Good, I hope. Um, tell me if you see anything wrong. Just remember, April and Shane(a.k.a Sparky) are in their late teens, they don't always make coherent sentences, or use proper grammar. So they used words like 'aren't' and 'dunno' a lot. Like any other teenager. And Shane is having a hard time not admiring April. It's kinda funny.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2012
  8. FieryLucario

    FieryLucario Just a Person

    Nice, i am loving this fan fic so far, April seems to giggle a lot...

    The only mistake i saw was this,
    Is there supposed to be another space between the two paragraphs? That was all i saw, but then again i don't pay that much attention to grammar
     
  9. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    Yup, she's a giggler(is that a word, I dunno). And ya, thanks for catching that! It was a page division on my MS Word, so I didn't see that on my proofreading. Oh, and I fixed the italicization for the thoughts. I forgot that it doesnt transfer over from Word.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2012
  10. Azurus

    Azurus The Ancient Absol

    The paragraphs that the previous poster had quoted has a sentence stating that their legs were "to short" and it should be "too"

    Other noticable errors are in the dialogue but you said they say things wrong anyway so it's good, just don't use it as an excuse for not knowing the right word to use.

    Looking forward to more, the chapters are short but by the looks of it it, update quickly.

    Add me to the PM list if you don't mind, please and thank you.
     
  11. Knightfall

    Knightfall Blazing Wordsmith

    New chapter? Wow, that was fast.

    Aside from some of the spelling errors Azurus pointed out, I didn't see too much else that was wrong spelling-wise.

    I do have some issues with the chapter though. The main problem is that I thought the problem flew by way too fast. I mean, Shane just woke up without any memories and in an alien body and world, and yet he barely has time to react before he meets up with April and races to this town.
    My second issue is that within moments of him waking up, Shane uses a move. Something he couldn't have possibly done before, he does it his first try.
    But this is somewhat my opinion ( My main character, Leo, didn't meet up with his partners until Chapter Two, and it's Chapter Three and he still hasn't used a true move. )
    It just seemed really fast paced.

    Anyways, other than what I pointed out, this chapter was pretty good.

    Sorry if this post seemed negative, but I'm trying to be helpful.

    Keep on going, I want to see more of this.

    Knightfall signing off... ;005;
     
  12. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    Thanks for catching the 'to short'. And don't worry, if you look at the Prologue, I can format sentences correctly ;) It will also be evident in the older Pokemon's dialogs as well.

    I actually didn't notice how fast paced it was. Shane is a pretty level headed guy, and even though he did freak out somewhat, wouldn't have gone crazy as much as other less willful people would. As far as learning the move, he had a good teacher. Emolga and Pachirisu use their attacks in the exact same way, so it'd be easy to pass the knowledge off. Plus, the threat of being hurt by the Beedrill does help speed up the learning process. Also, in the PMD games, You learn how to attack almost immediately, going through Tiny Woods or Beach Cave. Think of Chapter 1 as the tutorial cave. Foggy Woods. I was trying to slow it down and make it more realistic, (it was a good 5 minutes until he could barely stand up, another 3 or 4 to realize he's a pokemon, another 2 to cope with it, and another 10-20 before the Beedrill attack)but I guess I didn't do that well, heh heh. And, I would like to point out that April was distracting him big time(though she didn't realize she was).

    But, I very much thank you for your opinions. I will try to make use of them in the coming chapters. Chapter 1 was released quickly because I was very psyched after writing the Prologue, that I just had to keep writing!
     
  13. FieryLucario

    FieryLucario Just a Person

    I didn't notice this until now, that you have a PM list. Can you please add me to it.
     
  14. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    Absolutely!
     
  15. Knightfall

    Knightfall Blazing Wordsmith

    I see, I know how the games go, and you did say this would follow the game's format. So I guess the fast pacing is all right, at least for that chapter.

    And trust me, I know how you feel. I was really excited to write after I posted the Prologue of my fic, though it took a while longer to write my chapter.

    I hope Shane doesn't get a headache from April's giggling.

    Knightfall signing off... ;005;
     
  16. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    The second chapter should be a little slower, though it isn't very eventful. And just between you and me, Shane actually loves her giggle.
     
  17. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    All right, here's another chapter. This one took me like seven hours, but it was totally worth it! Ya, its pretty soon after Chapter 1, but I'm still psyched for this story!

    Chapter Two
    A Confrontation in the Cafe

    “Salvage Springs? Sounds rusty.” I said, staring at the town below.

    “Hee hee! That’s funny! No, it’s named that due to all the Salvaging Teams that make the town their base.” April replied with a giggle. She started to walk down the path, so I followed behind her.

    “Salvaging Teams? What are those?”

    “Oh, of course you wouldn’t know that. Salvaging Teams go out into the world in search of things that people have left behind. And then finding someone who wants those things,” she stopped and turned to look at me, and with a smirk, she continued, “for the right price of course!” We continued down the path.

    “Interesting. It sounds like you know a lot about this kind of stuff.”

    “But of course! It’s been my life’s dream to be a Salvager! One Pokemon’s junk is another’s treasure, am I right? Going to all sorts of caves and forests to look for abandoned contraptions! There’s no place I won’t go! I’ll even go to the bottom of the ocean, if someone’s willing to pay for such a thing.”

    “I’m starting to wonder what you like more, the actual salvaging, or the money involved,” I mentioned with a chuckle.

    “Humph! I want to salvage, that’s what I’ve dreamt about for years. But the money doesn’t hurt you know.” April seemed a little offended by the statement.

    “Of course not, I was just saying-“

    “I know what you were saying.” She stopped again. She turned to face me. She looked sad. “Look, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gotten upset like that. It’s just…”

    “It’s just what?”

    “Nothing. Let’s just keep moving.” It was relatively quiet for the rest of the trip down the slope. I felt bad, but it was obviously something she didn’t want to talk about, so I didn’t push it. She still helped me out when I needed a little assistance getting down certain parts where the road was in bad condition. I still had to get used to the idea that my legs were shorter then they were supposed to be. I actually started to think that I didn’t have legs, and that my feet were stuck to my torso just like that. But, not wanting to induce some crazy panic attack that nearly got me when I first woke up, I pushed the thought away. Soon enough, we arrived at the main gate into town.

    The gate itself was merely an arch. It looked to be made of various odds and ends. Perhaps things teams had found that nobody else wanted. Or maybe the mayor or such had requested items to build this. It wasn’t important, so I didn’t worry about it.

    “So, Sparky, what should I show you first?” April said, finally cheering up a bit.

    “Well, I dunno. I don’t know anything around here. What does a town usually have?”

    “Never mind that, we’ll look at each shop and area in turn then if you don’t know what’s here. But first, why not a bite to eat?” My stomach growled at the thought of food, and so I agreed. “Great! I’m a bit hungry to. There’s a wonderful place in town that offers up some great meals.”

    As we walked through town, I noticed that some buildings were more colorful than others, and some had images denoting Pokemon, or wares. One building was half green and half purple. The whole thing was shaped like a lizard. A Kecleon, perhaps? The green side had pictures of different fruits and seeds, as well as sticks and rocks. The purple side had some strange orbs and discs. I had no idea what Pokemon used CD-ROM’s for, but I was sure I’d find out eventually.

    On my left hand side was a building shaped like the head of some pink Pokemon. April told me it was shaped like an Audino. I decided to have her tell me what that place is for later. I wanted food first, and I didn’t want to distract my tour guide.

    Further on, there was a building shaped like a large golden mask. A black Pokemon floated around inside. The whole place was rather creepy. There was also a small building reminiscent of a Pelipper. There were some of those inside, as well as a multitude of Pidgey. It looked like a Post Office. Perhaps that’s what it was.

    We stopped in front a large strange building of sorts. It didn’t look like any Pokemon in particular. It was more or less a large dome made out of various pieces of wood, metal, and other such items. Above the door, there was a picture of a Spinda, and two other Pokemon that looked like garbage. I didn’t wan to be rude, but they really did look like it. That’s because the picture showed the heads of a Trubbish and a Garboder.

    “This is where we’re gonna be eating?” I asked, giving her a confused look.

    “Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?”

    “Nothing, its just the Trubbish on the sign has me a touch worried.”

    “Oh! Hee hee, they aren’t part of the Café! This place has two functions. It’s a place to eat, and a place to trade salvaged things with other teams! It’s a remarkable building actually. Come on; let’s go inside, I’m starving!” And with that, she pulled me into the Café.

    The place was remarkable. It was brightly colored on the inside and there were numerous bits and bobbles hung all over the store. The whole effect made the place look larger on the inside than it really was. The left side of the Café had tables and chairs spread out everywhere. There were numerous Pokemon scarfing down fruits and other strange meals. Some had drinks, and they looked pretty good. That side also had a counter towards the back, where a Spinda was giving orders to some Pokemon through a hole in the wall. I couldn’t see who they were.

    The right side of the store held only a stall. The Trubbish and Garboder from the sign were there talking to a couple of Pokemon. The Pokemon that they were talking to actually looked pretty cool. They had scarves on, and one of them had a scar. I couldn’t tell what the Pokemon were. It seems that so far I can only remember some of the Pokemon’s names. April pulled me out of my thoughts and led me to the counter and the Spinda in the back.

    “Hey, Spinda, how’s it going with you?” April said, laying her arm on the short countertop.

    “Oh, you know, going with the flow, dancing with the rhythm of the world,” the Spinda responded. It was clearly a female. And it didn’t seem to be able to keep still. It wandered back and forth like she was confused. And I couldn’t stare at her eyes for too long; the swirls in them were making me dizzy. “So, April, who’s your friend?” she asked, nodding at me.

    “Right! This is Sparky. I met him out in the woods. He has no idea how he got there. The poor fellow seems to have come down with amnesia.”

    “My name is Shane, not Sparky!” I said with a little edge to my voice.

    “Oh ho! Interesting! A Pachirisu, alone and confused in the middle Foggy Woods. Apparently he remembers his name, but Shane is quite an odd name though. But your not here for pity are you? No, you two want food! And I have food! What d’ya want?” Spinda pulled out a pad and a piece of charcoal, eager to take our orders.

    And she thinks my name is odd, if anyone’s the odd one here, its her. April gave her order to the hostess, and she quickly jotted it down on her pad.

    “And what would you like?” The Spinda was staring at me, and her twirly eyes were making me uncomfortable.

    “Uh-” I started.

    “Just get him the same thing I got,” April told her. She looked at me, “Trust me, you’ll love it!”

    And so with our orders in, Spinda turned and put the paper through the hole in the wall. A blue hand took it, and yelled out orders to two other Pokemon inside. Through the hole, I could tell that the three were some kind of monkey. The one doing the cooking was a Pansear. A Pansage was putting the finishing touches on some other dishes, and the blue one, a Panpour, was cleaning up some of the countertops. Spinda, still at the front counter, was now hurriedly making some drinks. Apparently, that’s what she was in charge of doing. April interrupted my observations.

    “You gonna sit there and stare at them all day, or are we gonna find a table?” My face went red, which of course wasn’t visible, thanks to the fur, and I followed her to an empty table.

    “So this place is supposed to be really good?” I asked, hoping to spark a conversation.

    “Tee hee! The best in town! The food is great, but their Gummi smoothies are to die for!” April appeared to be lost in the thought of the food. The small talk continued for another fifteen minutes. Then Panpour came out, carrying two dishes which he set in front of us.

    “Spinda will be right out with your drinks,” he said, and then returned to the kitchen. I looked down at the food. The dish was beautiful to look at. In the center was a neat little pile of seared Aspear Berries. Around that was some freshly sliced banana, and the whole thing was resting on a bed of chunky applesauce. My mouth was watering just looking at it. I looked over to April, who was already half way through her dish and hadn’t even noticed I wasn’t eating yet. She looked up for a second.

    “Well don’t just stare it, eat it! You want your berries to get cold?” I looked down at it again. I picked up a berry chunk and plopped it into my mouth. It was bracingly sour, but the cooking of it had brought out sweetness in it. It was remarkably delicious, but I was hesitant to continue. In this form, I couldn’t exactly use utensils, and none had been provided anyways. I took a peek at April. She wasn’t using silverware either. She was hardly even using her paws. After a moment of thought, I followed her example and just ate however I could. A couple minutes later, Spinda brought out our smoothies.

    “Two Yellow Gummi Smoothies for Emolga and company!” Spinda announced, giving a yellow drink to us both. “Will there be anything else that I can get you?”

    “No, were good. Thanks again!”

    “You are always welcome. Just pay up at the front counter when you’re done, kay?” Spinda then teetered her way back to the counter. I looked at the drink. It looked tasty, much like everything else that was served tonight. I took a sip, and I was blown away. This drink was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever tasted! Well, it probably was anyways.

    “Holy Arceus above, this drink is magnificent!” I said, starry-eyed.

    “Ya, they are. But you better appreciate that one. Those things are pricey, and I don’t need you getting hooked on ‘em.” April said after taking a swig of the smoothie. Ignoring the statement, I finished the rest of my food. Both April’s and mine's faces were covered in applesauce, so we spent the next ten minutes licking ourselves off.

    This is how cats clean themselves, isn’t it? Well April is doing it too, so I suppose it isn’t weird for me then. I hope. After we were done and the applesauce was cleaned off our fur, we resumed some small talk. It was mostly me going on about how great the meal was. Unfortunately, a Raichu that had been staring at us for the past few minutes decided to interrupt. He rudely took a seat next to April.

    “So April, who’s you new friend?” Raichu said, glaring at me.

    “It’s none of your business, Raichu. Now buzz off.” April clearly didn’t like him. I glared back at that giant electric mouse.

    “Oh, I’m hurt, sweety. I thought we had something.” Raichu tried to get closer to April, but she scooted closer to me.

    “The only thing I’ve ever wanted with you is a restraining order. Now go away!”

    He tried getting closer. “Don’t be like that! Come here y-”

    “She said to go away. So I suggest you leave.” I growled at him.

    “Oh, we got ourselves a tough guy here, now don’t we? Heh heh. Stay out of our business shorty!” He flicked his tail at me.

    “No, because now it is my business. April is my friend, and she clearly doesn’t want you.” April looked at me warningly.

    “Sparky, stop! We don’t need any fighting, and-” she tried to say.

    “It’s too late for that now. Sparky, was it? You and I have something to settle. You need to learn to stay out of other people’s affairs.” He stood up and walked over to me. He picked me up by my tail, which not only hurt, but it was very demeaning.

    “Put me down! Or I’ll...Or I’ll-”

    “Or you’ll what, Sparky? Shout me to death?” Raichu gave a hardy laugh.

    “My name is Shane. And I’ll do this!” I concentrated the electrical power in my cheeks, and tried to shock the ruffian as hard as I could. By now, the whole Café was watching us. Raichu laughed again.

    “That actually tickled! Bwahaha!” He turned to April. “And, sweety? Get yourself a better bodyguard!” He laughed again, and chucked me over his shoulder. I hit the floor and skid a couple feet. Raichu and a couple other shady looking characters left the Café laughing. I got up to my feet, wincing as I held the arm I had landed on.

    “Oh my gosh! Are you okay?” April said, as she ran over to me.

    “Ya, I’m fine, but that guy was a real jerk.”

    “Raichu. The guy’s been chasing me ever since he was a Pikachu. He thinks he’s all tough now that he’s bigger than everyone else, and thinks he can get everything he wants, including me. But I shouldn’t worry you about that; you need help with that arm.” She turned to Spinda and shouted “Hey, can I get an Oran berry over here?” Spinda nodded and pulled a blue berry out from under the counter. She tossed to April, who then shoved a piece into my mouth. It was pretty good, and I was feeling better already. She handed me the rest, which I ate as we talked.

    “Why didn’t anyone else deal with him? I didn’t see any other Pokemon willing to help. Even Spinda stayed behind her counter.”

    “Sparky, did you not just feel what he did to you? Nobody else in here can stand up to him. So he gets to do whatever he wants. But it isn’t just him.”

    “What do you mean? Are there others that bully you?” I was concerned now. I had finished my berry, so I was able to stand unaided again.

    “No, they don’t bully me. Just him. But there are certain problems with being the only Shiny Emolga around. I get bribe after bribe, gift after gift, all in attempts to win me over. But nobody sees anything but my pretty copper fur. Nobody likes me for who…for who I really am…” She was suddenly on the verge of tears now. I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.

    “Hrm. Come on, let’s pay for the meal and get going. I think we’ve seen enough of the town for one day.” I led her to Spinda, and April paid the bill, a whopping 1795 Poke, with some coins she had hidden in a leather pouch under her left wing. Together, we left the restaurant after I made sure Raichu wasn’t waiting outside the door. She mostly led the way, but I tried to comfort her, as she was still very sad. After about a half an hour of our slow walk, we reach a humble house. It looked like a large wooden igloo. The paint was rather messy on the outside and consisted of a metallic red color and splotches of yellow. The door was just tall enough for me and April to walk through. On the inside, it was painted a cozy peach and white color, and wasn’t as messy. There was a bed of straw and hay on a raised wooden platform in the back, as well as small pool of water to the left of it. It seemed to be fed by a small spring. There was only that single bed in the house.

    “I’ll sleep on the floor; the guest should have the bed,” April mumbled, obviously still upset.

    “No, no, I’ll sleep on the floor. There’s no need for that.” I said, and sat on a soft patch of dirt at the base of the platform which held the bed.

    “Are you sure? I don’t want to impose-”

    “Don’t worry about! Seriously, it isn’t a problem.”

    “Well, all right, if you say so. But it’s late, so we should get to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.” April jumped up to her bed, and plopped onto the hay. “Maybe the town elder will be able to tell what’s wrong with you. He knows everything, or so it’s told.”

    “An elder? I can’t wait to meet him then, if you think he can help me.”

    “Then it’s settled: we’ll visit him first thing to tomorrow.” She yawned. “But for now, we sleep.”

    After saying good night, I laid on the ground and attempted to fall asleep. But the ground was hard, even though it was the softest part, and my mind was racing. Eventually, I thought to rest my head on my tail, and it was a very good pillow. After my brain had settled down and my exhaustion got the better of me, I fell asleep.

    Suddenly, I was in a dark but colorful area. It was a dream, I was sure of it. I felt a presence, and I saw a dark shape, but I couldn’t make it out. Was it saying something? I couldn’t tell. Then, everything went black…
    ~~~~~~~~
    Dun dun dun! Who's the person from Shane's dream? Heck, I don't even know! Just kidding. Similar to the first PMD game, but not entirely. Anyways, it looks like April has some issues after all. I guess it isn't all fun and giggles to be a shiny Emolga.

    Anyways, this is a very long chapter, so I hope I don't bore you to death.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2012
  18. Saph~

    Saph~ Serebii Champion x.x

    Wow, you fast at getting chapters out. Left out one letter but...
    That's all i noticed, Good chapter too! Excited for the next one. ~saph
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2012
  19. Azurus

    Azurus The Ancient Absol

    The letter or word that's missing is "a" in front of counter where you are defining spindas area.

    This wasn't boring in the slightest, still had plenty going on, the descriptions weren't too cumbersome and gave me a good idea what the places were like, the encounter with Raichu was pretty neat with what him appearing to be some creep that won't take no for an aswer.

    I am enjoying this a lot, can't wait for more and I would ask questions but I'm sure they will be answered and can wait till later if they aren't addressed.

    Just one thing... why are there so many electric rodents? Don't have to answer, just something I noticed.
     
  20. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    Thanks, I'm just really into writing this story! And you'd tell me which one, I'd be glad to fix it!

    Fixed. And I'm glad I didn't bore you! Raichu is a creep. Your questions probably have something to do when April got upset about the money question? It'll be answered. Maybe not in Chapter four, but I don't think you'll have to wait all that long. Not sure :/
    As far as all the electric rodents, its actually rather simple. I like Pachirisu and Emolga, and I though they go good together. Raichu was because, well, I figured it would be more likely for an electric rodent to want an electric rodent than anything else. I don't there there are going to be any more electric types for now, unless I can slip Plusle and Minun in there. Oh, I have an idea for them! Hehehehe....
     

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