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Through the Thunder and the Lightning

Knightfall

Blazing Wordsmith
A fitting name for the chapter I must say. Short, simple, and really drives in the point.

Moving on, I figured they'd have to retreat to Mud Caverns once more, it seemed the only sensable place to go when everything else was burning up.
Though seeing the burnt-out town was horrible, it was great character building for April, seeing her sadness at her multiple losses, and the apparent loss of her father, all great facets to add to her.

The finding of the survivors and the explanation for their survival seemed a little rushed in my opinion, but it turned out fine.
Though I didn't notice most of the ones Azurus pointed out, I did see some of the mispellings.

Overall, great chapter. Leaving Shane, April, and the survivors at Treaure City (Town) awaiting an uncertain future and Shane's sudden ability to read the launguage (A matter I haven't touched upon in my own story it seems), it makes me want more.

Knightfall signing off ...;005;
 

Brutaka

Ignition
A fitting name for the chapter I must say. Short, simple, and really drives in the point.
Exodus does mean mass escape, or something to that effect. I thought it was good too.

Moving on, I figured they'd have to retreat to Mud Caverns once more, it seemed the only sensable place to go when everything else was burning up.
Ya. Some people I talked to didnt like the idea, but its pretty much the only place they could go.

Though seeing the burnt-out town was horrible, it was great character building for April, seeing her sadness at her multiple losses, and the apparent loss of her father, all great facets to add to her.
Ya, April has some serious baggage. Being a Shiny Pokemon doesn't mean all sparkles and happy times.

The finding of the survivors and the explanation for their survival seemed a little rushed in my opinion, but it turned out fine.
I noticed the quickness too actually.

Leaving Shane, April, and the survivors at Treaure City (Town) awaiting an uncertain future and Shane's sudden ability to read the language (A matter I haven't touched upon in my own story it seems), it makes me want more.
Always got to have a cliffhanger, lol.
 

Darkened_Kingdra

Whatcha want?
Loving it so far. I like how you incorporated Unova pkmn. into it and the Gravelrock line was "LOL forever". PM list?
 

Brutaka

Ignition
Loving it so far. I like how you incorporated Unova pkmn. into it and the Gravelrock line was "LOL forever". PM list?

Glad you like it! And of course, Unova pokemon exist, so why not? I added more than usual since Unova hasnt had a PMD game yet. POKEMON! Y U NO MAKE UNOVA PMD GAME!? lol

And yeah, i loved that line. And many of you did too.
And of course, putting you on now.
 

Darkened_Kingdra

Whatcha want?
Glad you like it! And of course, Unova pokemon exist, so why not? I added more than usual since Unova hasnt had a PMD game yet. POKEMON! Y U NO MAKE UNOVA PMD GAME!? lol

And yeah, i loved that line. And many of you did too.
And of course, putting you on now.
Definitely need to make PMD unova at the point where every region has one. EXCEPT UNOVA!!
 

Brutaka

Ignition
Definitely need to make PMD unova at the point where every region has one. EXCEPT UNOVA!!

You know what? Serebii just released info saying that we ARE getting a Unova PMD game to tie into B/W2! I'm really excited!

Also, I just posted a one-off. I did it for a contest. It didn't win, it took second, but its good nonetheless, so be sure to check it out: The Gift
 

Darkened_Kingdra

Whatcha want?
You know what? Serebii just released info saying that we ARE getting a Unova PMD game to tie into B/W2! I'm really excited!

Also, I just posted a one-off. I did it for a contest. It didn't win, it took second, but its good nonetheless, so be sure to check it out: The Gift
YES YES YES YES YESSSSS! I've been waiting for this since I got PMD Sky!
 

Brutaka

Ignition
Hey, sorry about the wait, but it's time for a new chapter! Its full of adventure, intrigue, and most importantly, stuff! Gotta have that stuff. Plenty of stuff...Anyways, just read it ^_^'

Also, for any of you that haven't all ready, please read my one-shot. It's all right. But it needs more comments, so please, help a guy out? The Gift

Chapter 10
All that Glitters is not Gold

April looked at me, confused. "But, isn't that a good thing? Why do you sound so worried?"

"Well, I wasn't able to before but I can now. It means something...something still happening with me. It's as if whatever changed me into this isn't finished." I was staring at my paws.

"You look like a normal Pachirisu to me though."

"No, not physically. It's messing with my head. If it can change how I read, who knows what else it could change. And that...scares me."

"Oh, I get it. Don't worry, Sparky. I'm sure everything is gonna work out fine. I promise!"

"Thanks, I guess. Hey, you really perked up, what's gotten into you?"

"Er...Well, I was mostly upset before because I had truly thought that everyone was gone. But seeing Spinda and the others made me happy again."

"And your house?"

"I guess I just let myself get carried away before. Truth be told, I had always planned on moving eventually. To Treasure City, in fact. It's the biggest city for hundreds and hundreds of miles. Salvage Springs was actually formed from adventurers from Treasure City that wanted to make a name for themselves without having to worry about competition. Anyway, it's really late, so we should find a place to stay. We're already at city gate, so maybe we can find an inn or something."

"I see." We started walking down the main street looking for an inn. "It's kind of neat that you've always wanted to live here. It's almost as if...it was always meant to happen."

"It really is something...Oh! Look, over there on the left!" April pointed at a tall white-washed building. It had a sign that glowed somehow with words written in PokePrint.

"'Treasure Hotel,'" I read. "Well, at least it's obvious. Not a very creative name though."

"Teehee! Sparky, it's the main hotel in town. Why need anything fancy in its name?"

Her giggle's back! "Well, I dunno. Eh, forget it. By the way...do we have any money?"

"Eep! Shoot, I have some with me, but I left the rest...in the bank. Which no longer exists..."

"Oh no. I wonder if they'll transfer the funds or something."

"Sparky, it doesn't work that way. It's not like it's insured or anything. Where'd you come out with that thought?"

"Um...I dunno. I don't even know why I suggested it. Maybe human banks work that way?"

"Maybe, but not Pokemon banks. We've never had to really worry about it, and there's no real way to transfer Poke easily. Once the money is gone, it's gone. Anyway, I should have enough on me for a room for us."

"It's going to suck having to make all that money up again."

"Yeah. It'll be rough for a while. But come on, we're a Salvaging Team! We'll make more money than I ever had!"

"That's the spirit, I guess. Well, there's no point in hanging outside the inn. The idea is to be in it, yes?"

"Teehee, Sparky, you make me laugh. Come on!"

There's that laugh again...Gosh dang it! Not again. This feeling is getting harder to ignore... April pulled me closer to the door and pushed it open. Inside was a building like I had never seen, or at least, from what I could remember.

The walls were solid and not made out of the thrown-together wood that I was used to seeing. Bright stones were set at intervals in the ceiling making the inside seem like daylight. The walls held some of these crystals as well as some carved statue decorations made to look like various Pokemon. The floor had some sort of red furry material covering it. My subconscious pulled up the word carpet and I figured that must have been what it was called, though I'd have no idea how they would have made it.

To our left was a archway leading into another room. It had many tables and its own strange wall decorations. A restaurant maybe? A sign above the arch confirmed it. On the right side was another archway. The walls and floor in there had some sort of padding. Various stone, wooden, and metal objects littered the place. The sign for that arch read 'Gym'.

Directly across from us was a sort of desk with various papers thrown across it. Behind the desk was a black and white female Pokemon. She was smiling at us.

"Welcome to Treasure Hotel! I'm Gothitelle, how may I help you?" she spoke.

"Um, we were hoping to get a room for the night," April replied.

"Well, of course!" She wrote some things down with a black stick-like object. "Er, how tall are you?"

"About a foot, I guess," April answered.

That's an odd question, I thought.

"All right. You look about three or four inches taller than that, but it'd be the same size room anyways...and your friend is the same height, it seems." Gothitelle scribbled some more things down. "All right, that's that. Your room is down the hallway to the right, up the stairs, and it will be the third door on your left. Here is your key." Gothitelle handed April a small metallic rod with a groove on the end.

"Thanks! Come on Sparky, let's go check it out." We rounded the staircase and found our room. The door was flush with the wall and it had a small hole in the side of it, just off the ground. April inserted the key into the opening, jiggled it, and pulled it out. A small clicking noise sounded as she did that, and the door creaked open.

"Wow. All of this is very different than Salvage Springs. This is amazing!" This whole hotel had amazed me. I couldn't remember if I had seen something like this before, but it was certainly different than April's hometown.

"Oh yeah. See, Salvage Springs really isn't, er, wasn't the most advanced city. Anyways, what do you think of the room?"

I had thought April's house was nice. This, on the other hand, was just beautiful. The walls and the ceiling are styled just like the rest of the hotel, that is to say, wall decor, pretty light crystals, and red carpet. There were two small beds to the right of the room, at least, I thought they were beds. They were almost like a wooden boxes with a light furry material inside. They weren't anything like the piles of hay that we were used to sleeping on. There was even a small fireplace opposite the beds. The wood and fire rocks were even provided. Directly across from us was a nearly bare wall with a single window. It was open and the cool night air flowed through it.

"Wow...This room is really nice! And it's the perfect size for us too." I walked over and sat on the bed, which was only slightly longer than me with my tail stretched out.

"Um, of course it is. All Pokemon inns and hotels have different sized rooms for their customers. It only makes sense really."

That doesmake sense. That's why Gothitelle had asked our height before. Why didn't I think of that? I stretched out over the covers and yawned. The bed was very comfy, almost like my tail. "Ah, this is much better than hay..."

April hopped onto her bed as well. "Mhmm. I've been in a few hotels like this. Now, don't get used to it, because I don't exactly have a lot of money left and this room a little pricey."

"Oh, that's right. So what are we going to do?"

"Well, we're a Salvaging team, remember? So we'll Salvage, teehee!"

"That's as a good idea as any. We've only ever done one Salvage, what kinda team would we be with only one under our belt?"

"Exactly. And if that's the case, we'd best get to sleep. We'll need our rest."

"Right. Okay then, good night, see you in the morning."

" 'Night," April yawned. She laid down flat on her front and quickly fell asleep. She must have been tired. I flattened myself out and tried to sleep, but I just couldn't get comfortable. I curled up on my tail like normal, and then I could finally sleep.

The dream I had that night was different than my normal dream. Everything was dark except two subjects. On the right was a Pachirisu. It was me, and yet, it wasn't me. On the left was a slightly tall teenage human. Was that me? When I was a human? He looks very familiar. But I can't remember. The boy and the Pachirisu were arguing about something. I couldn't remember what they said though, because I forgot the words when I woke up. Just then, as soon as the Pachirisu began to growl in frustration, something woke me up quickly.

It was still night time, though the sky showed hints of orange at the horizon. A strong wind was blowing through the open window. Standing in the window was the silhouette of a slender humanoid Pokemon, only slightly taller than us, with a feather sticking out of its head. In it's claw was the Uxie's gold pin that I had rescued from the Mankey a while back! The Pokemon then jumped out of the window. I ran over and saw it hoping from rooftop to rooftop until it was out of view.

"Sparky? What's wrong?" a dreary April said.

"We've been robbed! A Pokemon came into our room and stole Uxie's gold thing! They took off and jumped out this window."

"Well, did you see who it was?"

"No, it was too dark. But I saw the shape. If I saw them again, I'd know who it was."

"That really stinks. But I guess we'll have to report it to the police tomorrow. It's still too early, and I'm still sleepy."

"Don't you even care?"

"Of course I do, Sparky, but I'm tired and the police aren't going to take a case this early."

"Grr, fine."

"I'm sorry Sparky, it's only until tomorrow." She laid back down.

I walked back to my bed and tried to go to sleep. After a little while I managed to, but I didn't dream anything.

When morning came, April was up before me and she was checking her purse. Apparently none of money was stolen, thankfully. She kept the purse on her at all times, so that's probably why. I slung the item bag over my shoulder, April closed the window and locked the door, and we left the hotel.

It was early morning and the sun was still hidden by the taller buildings. We didn't know where we were going, so we stopped a rather impatient Zigzagoon and asked him where the police station was. He directed us and hurried on his way.

We navigated wide, busy streets full of Pokemon rushing to work or other such places. We rushed through dark alleys home to less honorable Pokemon that, thankfully, left us alone. We passed empty lots that displayed various signs about construction. Treasure City was vast indeed.

After making all the winding turns, we arrived at a dull, gray building whose open doors were guarded by two short humanoid Pokemon. Pawniard, they were called. They nodded as we passed them. Inside was no more colorful then the outside. There were desks with a variety of Pokemon rummaging through papers. I was able to name off a Bisharp, some Riolu, Simisages and Simipours, as well as a dozen other Pokemon I couldn't name. Magnemite floated to and fro. The place was bustling.

In the center of the room ahead of us was a Lucario behind a large counter. He was having a serious conversation to a strange group of three Magnemite, all stuck together. April said it was called a Magneton. Huh.

Next to the desk was a board full of dark posters displaying cool looking Pokemon.

"That's the Wanted Board. It shows all the current un-captured criminals and their respective bounties. Teams of Pokemon, be them Rescue teams, Exploration teams, or even Salvaging teams, can go out and arrest the criminals and earn a reward from the Sheriff. Handling outlaws is tough, but the pay is good," April explained.

"Oh, maybe that Pokemon that robbed us will be on the board. I might be able to pick them out if I can see a picture." So April and I navigated over to the poster. I caught the Lucario eyeing us from behind the desk while we walked, but he soon returned his attention to the Magneton.

The board was full of nasty characters. There was a Metang, a Servine, a Zorua, and a couple others. But on the bottom right was a poster of a dark purple, almost black, humanoid Pokemon. She had a feather sticking out of her head and her glare was piercing, even if it was just a poster.

"That's it! Sneasel. She's the thief!" I exclaimed.

"Hm. The poster says to give any information concerning her straight to the Sheriff. It doesn't say anything else."

"All right, I'll do just that." I walked over the counter, which was several inches taller than me. I frowned. Then I saw a little bell and rang it, figuring that's what I was supposed to do.

"Hm?" Lucario mumbled as he leaned over the counter to peer at us. "Oh, sorry, I realize the counter is a tad too high, heh heh. Come around the back if you need to speak with me."

We rounded the corner of the counter, then another and found an opening in the desk. Lucario finished his conversation with the Magneton, who floated over us and went on his(?) way. Lucario gave a friendly smile. "So, I am Sheriff Lucario. What is it that you need?"

"Um, I was kinda robbed by Sneasel. I was hoping you could help," I admitted.

"Sneasel? That shaky devil has been thieving things all over the city. She's strange though, she never takes any money, just some random object, usually gold or silver looking."

"Yeah, she took my gold pen thing. It belongs to a friend of ours. I was going to return it, but then it was stolen."

"I see. Well, think you can tell me anything about the robbery?"

"Not really, I was half awake at the time. It happened just before the crack of dawn. I barely caught sight of her as she jumped to another building's roof. She hopped from rooftop to rooftop for a while, then disappeared. She probably jumped into an alley or something."

"Uh-huh...And where did that all happen at?" Lucario was printing things on a page in a messy PokePrint scrawl.

"Treasure Hotel, just inside of town."

"Hm. Most of the sightings have been around the hotel. She must be staying somewhere near there. Well, it's not much to go off of, but if we see her or the pen, we'll let you know. Is that all right? I'm sorry I couldn't help you further."

"No, that's okay. Thanks anyways. I'll tell you if I see her again." We said our goodbyes and April and I left the building.

"Think I'll ever get the pen back? It was Uxie's..." I asked April.

"You should have more faith in the police force. Lucario may be nice, but he's no pushover."

"I know, it's just that--hey, wait a minute! Look, up there, on the roof across the street!" Across the street from us was Sneasel, smirking at us. I motioned to the Pawniard and they ran inside to get Lucario. Sneasel took off on the rooftops and April and I gave the chase. We didn't want to lose her, even if it was sure to be a trap. I followed on the ground, not taking my eyes off of the criminal. April was flying above her, in hot pursuit. It may not be her fight, necessarily, but April was determined to help.

In the process of trying to not lose my target, I ended up running into a poor Squirtle and knocked him right over. I quickly apologized, but the Sneasel was no where to be seen. I saw April rush into an alley from above, however, and so I followed.

"Eey-yaa!" April screamed. I grew wide-eyed and I turned the corner into the gap between the buildings.

In the darkness, three figures glared at me, including Sneasel. April was squirming while she was trapped by a long black tail that belonged to the figure in the middle. He spoke, and I was suddenly very angry.

"Hey Sparky, you don't mind if I take your sweetheart around town with me for a while, do ya? What, are you surprised to see me? Heh heh heh..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sooooo, whats gonna happen? Whose the bad Pokemon? Do you think that I don't think that you think that it's you-know-who? Did you follow that at all? Why do I always ask you stupid questions after every chapter? Guess we'll just have to wait until Chapter 11, right?
 
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Azurus

The Ancient Absol
Raichu? You smirking sneak thieving evil bastard. I thought it was a gold pin not a gold pen, why would Uxie have a pen?

Anyway when you're describing the scene where Sparky and April are looking at the wanted poster, it should be "April and I" and not "me and April" though I use the latter all the time.
Also, multiple misspellings of the word "It's" near the beginning you have at least 2 of them wrong and spelled without the apostraphe.

Anyway, I always look forward to more and I wonder how Shane is gonna resolve this one.
 

Darkened_Kingdra

Whatcha want?
Oho…… I thinkn i know who Tail Guy is
Otherwise i love th chapter as always. Will Sparky and april get a new teammate with the Pickup ability? That would make up their stolen money real fast
 

Knightfall

Blazing Wordsmith
Is that a new chapter I see? Well then, let's review!


"Well, I wasn't able to before but I can now. It means something...something still happening with me. Its as if whatever changed me into this isn't finished." I was staring at my paws.

"You look like a normal Pachirisu to me though."

"No, not physically. Its messing with my head. If it can change how I read, who knows what else it could change. And that...scares me."

Oh stop complaining, Shane. If that's all that's wrong with your head, you should be grateful.

"Teehee! Sparky, its the main hotel in town. Why need anything fancy in it's name?"

Her giggle's back! "Well, I dunno. Eh, forget it. By the way...do we have any money?"

It seems a rather quick rebound in her attitude, but I suppose the relief of everyone being alive and well would make her feel better.

"Oh no. I wonder if they'll transfer the funds or something."

"Sparky, it doesn't work that way. Its not like its insured or anything. Where'd you come out with that thought?"

"Um...I dunno. I don't even know why I suggested it. Maybe human banks work that way?"

Ah, the odd and meanless pieces of memory that occasionally float up. They're amusing. Which reminds me, I should probably write some into my story at some point...

The walls were solid and not made out of the thrown-together wood that I was used to seeing. Bright stones were set at intervals in the ceiling making the inside seem like daylight. The walls held some of these crystals as well as some carved statue decorations made to look like various Pokemon. The floor had some sort of red furry material covering it. My subconscious pulled up the word carpet and I figured that must have been what it was called, though I'd have no idea how they would have made it.

Wow, I know you mentioned this to me before in our discusions, but you did really well with the description here.

"Well, of course!" She wrote some things down with a black stick-like object. "Er, how tall are you?"

"About a foot, I guess," April answered.

That's an odd question, I thought.

You're not alone Shane, when I first read it I was confused as well. But then I got it. It's actually pretty creative.

The dream I had that night was different than my normal dream. Everything was dark except two subjects. On the right was a Pachirisu. It was me, and yet, it wasn't me. On the left was a slightly tall teenage human. Was that me? When I was a human? He looks very familiar. But I can't remember. The boy and the Pachirisu were arguing about something. I couldn't remember what they said though, because I forgot the words when I woke up. Just then, as soon as the Pachirisu began to growl in frustration, something woke me up quickly.

It's never good when the odd dreams start. Trust me on this one.

"Sparky? What's wrong?" a dreary April said.

"We've been robbed! A Pokemon came into our room and stole Uxie's gold thing! They took off and jumped out this window."

Kind of abrupt, but otherwise nothing wrong.

We navigated wide, busy streets full of Pokemon rushing to work or other such places. We rushed through dark alleys home to less honorable Pokemon that, thankfully, left us alone. We passed empty lots that displayed various signs about construction. Treasure City was vast indeed.

Man, your Treasure Town and mine are vastly different. It's almost like they're in alternate universes. As for how different ... let's just say that I chose the background pic for my sig for a specific reason....

"You should have more faith in the police force. Lucario may be nice, but he's no pushover."

I have no doubts now, our stories are in alternate universes. I mean, a competent police force? That's about as opposite as you can get from my story. :)

In the darkness, three figures glared at me, including Sneasel. April was squirming while she was trapped by a long black tail that belonged to the figure in the middle. He spoke, and I was suddenly very angry.

"Hey Sparky, you don't mind if I take your sweetheart around town with me for a while, do ya? What, are you surprised to see me? Heh heh heh..."

Oh, now that's a good cliffhanger. I'm pretty sure who it is, but I'll keep my opinions reserved for now.

Anyways, great chapter, I noticed a few misspelled words and some that were missing (When they said they were at the city gate, "the" wasn't there).

Hope to see Chapter Evelen soon,

Knightfall signing off... ;005;
 
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Brutaka

Ignition
I thought it was a gold pin not a gold pen, why would Uxie have a pen?
Pin, pen, bah. I alternate between both because its not really either, if that makes sense at all :/ Its kinda like pen, but decorative.

Anyway when you're describing the scene where Sparky and April are looking at the wanted poster, it should be "April and I" and not "me and April" though I use the latter all the time.
I had to use 'April and I' quite a bit in the chapter and messed up nearly every time and put 'me and April' instead. I figured I'd miss one eventually. Fixed.

Also, multiple misspellings of the word "It's" near the beginning you have at least 2 of them wrong and spelled without the apostraphe.
Yeah, i hate those. I know the rule, and but they're so hard to catch. If you'll point them out specifically, i'll fix 'em.[/QUOTE]

Oho…… I thinkn i know who Tail Guy is
Don't we all? ;)

Will Sparky and april get a new teammate with the Pickup ability? That would make up their stolen money real fast
I don't think April and Shane will pick up a team mate at all, at least not permanently. They'll just make the money the old fashioned way.

Oh stop complaining, Shane. If that's all that's wrong with your head, you should be grateful.
Haha, true, but he's more worried about what else could happen.

It seems a rather quick rebound in her attitude, but I suppose the relief of everyone being alive and well would make her feel better.
Yes, April is very topsy-turby with her emotions. I wouldn't go as far as calling her bipolar, but let's leave it at saying her emotions are...easily influenced.

Ah, the odd and meaningless pieces of memory that occasionally float up. They're amusing. Which reminds me, I should probably write some into my story at some point...
I still remember the pen and pencil thought Leo had, lol.

Wow, I know you mentioned this to me before in our discusions, but you did really well with the description here.
Thanks, that description were hard.

You're not alone Shane, when I first read it I was confused as well. But then I got it. It's actually pretty creative.
It would make sense to have different room sizes. Its not a problem for humans: we're all about the same size/shape. I mean, their hotels should be able to comfortably fit any Pokemon from Sunkern to Mamoswine, or they risk losing revenue or potential customers.

It's never good when the odd dreams start. Trust me on this one.
Heh...heh.....heheheheHEHEHEH. *ahem* Where was I?

Kind of abrupt, but otherwise nothing wrong.
Er, it was a bit. Hm.

Man, your Treasure Town and mine are vastly different. It's almost like they're in alternate universes. As for how different ... let's just say that I chose the background pic for my sig for a specific reason....
I have no doubts now, our stories are in alternate universes. I mean, a competent police force? That's about as opposite as you can get from my story. :)
Reminds me of Salvage Springs... Which reminds, the Battle for Treasure City should happening soon. 12? Yeah, 12.
Its probably because your story is dark, and mine is light. Like two sides of the same coin...Woah, I went all Grimsley on ya there, sorry about that, lol.

Oh, now that's a good cliffhanger. I'm pretty sure who it is, but I'll keep my opinions reserved for now.
The cliffhanger is actually relatively similar to Chapter 3's cliffhanger, did you know that?

Anyways, great chapter, I noticed a few mispelled words and some that were missing (When they said they were at the city gate, "the" wasn't there).
Just like you misspelled 'misspelled'? ;) lol, yeah, the chapter didnt go through my beta since they were sick and busy. Eh.

Hope to see Chapter Eleven soon,
Yeah, I'll start writing once I'm not so addicted to Black Mesa. You know, the Half-Life(2?) fan-remake? Its basically the original, just with better graphics and a slightly tweaked story progression.
 
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Azurus

The Ancient Absol
3 instances of its.
2 instances in the paragraph when they are looking for an inn, (It is right near the beginning, maybe a couple paragraphs down)and then there's another 1 in the paragraph after it.

I'd quote them but my 3DS doesn't do that too well.
 

Brutaka

Ignition
3 instances of its.
2 instances in the paragraph when they are looking for an inn, (It is right near the beginning, maybe a couple paragraphs down)and then there's another 1 in the paragraph after it.

Hm. All the ones I see in the beginning at least are correct.
If I'm not mistaken,
Its = it is
It's = belonging to 'it'
That is correct, yes? Im still a little shaky on such things.
 

jireh the provider

Video Game Designer
Normally, the Kind of reviewer I am is a general reviewer. Only at times I want to point the key highlights of the chapter I'm reviewing.

First to notice was Treasure City. Sure for me, I am thinking that it maybe an upgrade to the "Explorers Saga" of treasure town. i find it to be nice in all honesty.

But it has that kind of enigma the way do mechanized the hotel. By height? Now that's effectively written well. Hopefully it ain't expensive.

And Someone pulp out the life of that Raichu. Unless that Sneasel and Raichu are dating, then it's trouble for our Pachirisu and Emolga.

And about the alleyways of the city, something tells me that Treasure city has some architectural styles found in Brazil (sort of).

Very nice approach on describing the music.

If you were to give this story a theme, what would it be?
 

Knightfall

Blazing Wordsmith
Hm. All the ones I see in the beginning at least are correct.
If I'm not mistaken,
Its = it is
It's = belonging to 'it'
That is correct, yes? Im still a little shaky on such things.

Actually, you've got it backwards.
It's=it is
Its= possessive to it

Believe me, I look at that rule on a poster everyday in my English class. I know what I'm talking about. :)

Knightfall signing off... ;005;
 

Rotomknight

THE GREATEST TRAINER
ice jobrcu,
what is he,
team dark, you know form mystery red version.
 

Azurus

The Ancient Absol
Hm. All the ones I see in the beginning at least are correct.
If I'm not mistaken,
Its = it is
It's = belonging to 'it'
That is correct, yes? Im still a little shaky on such things.

That is backwards.
Also here all the examples you have wrong, I'll bold and underline them

Hey, sorry about the wait, but its time for a new chapter!

Its all right. But it needs more comments,

"Well, I wasn't able to before but I can now. It means something...something still happening with me. Its as if whatever changed me into this isn't finished." I was staring at my paws.

"No, not physically. Its messing with my head. If it can change how I read, who knows what else it could change. And that...scares me."

"I guess I just let myself get carried away before. Truth be told, I had always planned on moving eventually. To Treasure City, in fact. Its the biggest city for hundreds and hundreds of miles. Salvage Springs was actually formed from adventurers from Treasure City that wanted to make a name for themselves without having to worry about competition. Anyway, its really late, so we should find a place to stay. We're already at city gate, so maybe we can find an inn or something."

"I see." We started walking down the main street looking for an inn. "Its kind of neat that you've always wanted to live here. Its almost as if...it was always meant to happen."

"'Treasure Hotel,'" I read. "Well, at least its obvious. Not a very creative name though."

"Teehee! Sparky, its the main hotel in town. Why need anything fancy in it's name?"

"Sparky, it doesn't work that way. Its not like its insured or anything. Where'd you come out with that thought?"

"Maybe, but not Pokemon banks. We've never had to really worry about it, and there's no real way to transfer Poke easily. Once the money is gone, its gone. Anyway, I should have enough on me for a room for us."

"Its going to suck having to make all that money up again."

"Wow...This room is really nice! And its the perfect size for us too." I walked over and sat on the bed, which was only slightly longer than me with my tail stretched out.

"That really stinks. But I guess we'll have to report it to the police tomorrow. Its still too early, and I'm still sleepy."

"I'm sorry Sparky, its only until tomorrow." She laid back down.

"Hm. Most of the sightings have been around the hotel. She must be staying somewhere near there. Well, its not much to go off of, but if we see her or the pen, we'll let you know. Is that all right? I'm sorry I couldn't help you further."

"I know, its just that--hey, wait a minute! Look, up there, on the roof across the street!"

Do you think that I dont think that you think that its you-know-who?

Btw, a good way to tell is if it makes sense is by expanding the words, all the underlined bolded examples can still work when typed out "It is" but if that does not make sense, then "Its" is the correct way to spell it, and you only had 1 correct usage of the word "its"

(I used ctrl f to find all the errors so I know that is all the words that are used incorrectly)
 
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Brutaka

Ignition
First to notice was Treasure City. Sure for me, I am thinking that it maybe an upgrade to the "Explorers Saga" of treasure town. i find it to be nice in all honesty.
Yeah, of course, it's the future version for Treasure Town, from those games.

But it has that kind of enigma the way do mechanized the hotel. By height? Now that's effectively written well. Hopefully it ain't expensive.
Sadly, it's very expensive.

And Someone pulp out the life of that Raichu. Unless that Sneasel and Raichu are dating, then it's trouble for our Pachirisu and Emolga.
Oh, Raichu will get what's coming to him eventually.

And about the alleyways of the city, something tells me that Treasure city has some architectural styles found in Brazil (sort of).
Alleyways are common features of large cities found across the globe.

Very nice approach on describing the music.
...music?

If you were to give this story a theme, what would it be?
Adventure, discovery, light, i dunno.

Actually, you've got it backwards.
It's=it is
Its= possessive to it

Believe me, I look at that rule on a poster everyday in my English class. I know what I'm talking about. :)
Gosh dang it. Every time. I hate its and it's. In fact, I hate English. It's so confusing. And it's the only language I know... :/

Nice job bru,
what is he team dark, you know form mystery red version.
No, no, this story takes place hundreds of years after PMD Red & Blue Rescue Team.

That is backwards.
Also here all the examples you have wrong, I'll bold and underline them
Yeeeeaaaaah, see my response to Knightfall :/

Btw, a good way to tell is if it makes sense is by expanding the words, all the underlined bolded examples can still work when typed out "It is" but if that does not make sense, then "Its" is the correct way to spell it, and you only had 1 correct usage of the word "its"
See, everyone tells me to do that, but that doesn't work. In fact, thats a stupid thing for me to think. And pointless. The thing is, is that I don't know what each version means or stands for, so if you tell me to expand it, i wouldn't know what its or it's to expand, see what I mean? I confuse the two. But I think I got it now. Fixed.
 
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Azurus

The Ancient Absol
See, everyone tells me to do that, but that doesn't work. In fact, thats a stupid thing for me to think. And pointless. The thing is, is that I don't know what each version means or stands for, so if you tell me to expand it, i wouldn't know what its or it's to expand, see what I mean? I confuse the two. But I think I got it now. Fixed.

Well it is rather simple, really.
"Its" regardless of where you place it cannot be expanded, so if you cannot expand it because it wouldn't make sense, then that is the correct word.

An example: (Its tail) if you tried to expand "Its" to It is, it wouldn't sound right, it would sound like this: (It is tail) which you can see, is wrong.
Another example: (It's time) if you tried to expand "It's" to It is, it would make sense as it would sound like: (It is time) which you can see, is correct.

That's basically all you have to know for the usage of the words Its and It's. So if you run that little test every time you use those words, you can check to see if it is correct. Or if you want to avoid it all together, just use It is and Its and don't worry about the contractions.

I am just trying to help here, so hopefully I don't come off as a know it all or something and generally unpleasant because that is not what I'm going for at all.


Also, English does suck and it's my only language too.
 
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