• Hi all. We have had reports of member's signatures being edited to include malicious content. You can rest assured this wasn't done by staff and we can find no indication that the forums themselves have been compromised.

    However, remember to keep your passwords secure. If you use similar logins on multiple sites, people and even bots may be able to access your account.

    We always recommend using unique passwords and enable two-factor authentication if possible. Make sure you are secure.
  • Be sure to join the discussion on our discord at: Discord.gg/serebii
  • If you're still waiting for the e-mail, be sure to check your junk/spam e-mail folders

Tiger Parenting: Abuse or Tough Love?

U.N. Owen

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night ...
Tiger parenting has existed since the time of great conquerors and still exist. My question to you is how do you view such a method?

If you want my stance, here it is: high standards and accountability are a good thing. No one is denying that, but there must be a limit. Always telling your child how much they stack against their friends, siblings, and other relatives is just diving into emotional abuse. Look, I know the importance of accomplishments, but leaving someone an emotional wreck just to reach a standard is the equivalent of selling a car to buy fuel.

There is one thing I've always been infuriated by how much some of these parents move goalposts just to get an end. A child gets an A, then the parents wish for the highest grade in class. The child does so, but the goalposts are moved to get the perfect 1600/36 on the SAT/ACT. The child reaches it and wash, rinse, and repeat until graduation.
 

satopi

Life doesn’t end, …it changes.
It is abuse no doubt about it. Anyone could sugar coat it and say, "Oh well your parents just want the best for you and to succeed in what they didn't" but you can justify just about everything. When parents have high standards and refuse any leeway, whatever contribution whether big or small is meaningless. It's different from a parent pushing you to improvement. A tiger parent will never be satisfied even if the child did everything that he/she said. And do you know who gets affected the most? The child. The child will look to their parents for approval and yearn for their love, something they feel they have to work hard for. The child will have issues with themselves wondering how they couldn't do more to please their parent, why are they this way, if only they could've done this or that, etc. The child will build a loss of self confidence and feel like they aren't worth a damn. Getting compared to someone else will just make the child start to feel unneeded hatred towards that person and isn't in any way helping the child by saying, "Hey look at Character A! He/She has been in 3 different clubs for the past 4 years, Honor Roll every semester, works a part time job, and still gives time to help out the family. Why can't you be more like him/her?" You aren't Character A and I don't think any parent should persuade or force a rule to strive for perfection when perfection itself is subjective and unobtainable.

A parent pushing you to be better would be one who wouldn't be insulting you or projecting their voice in a degrading, angry manner. The parent would work with you, point out what you went wrong and brainstorm solutions on how to fix the mistake and when it's fixed, he/she give out positive reinforcement (which goes a long way). I feel like tiger parents just want to show off a trophy to brag about rather than a son/daughter to dote over. Tough love would be doing things the parent would do to improve the child's weaknesses or fix their mistakes firmly, not forcing things like setting up goals when the child isn't ready yet trying to "make" the child ready or anticipating on the child to meet the goal you set for him/her by intimidation only to be pissed off at the end result. If anything, they're setting themselves up for disappointment and shouldn't force their own image of how they want their child to be.
 
Last edited:
Top