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Titans of Kanto (PG-13)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Jake76, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Greetings! And welcome to my new fan-fic! Or rather a reboot of an old fic I started writing but gave up on. It's been slightly retooled, revitalized, and certain plot points restructured. Hopefully, you guys enjoy! Also, I realize it's a trainer fic. Disgusting. I know...but I feel really compelled to write this, side-step obvious cliches and hopefully help to improve the genre! Anyways, feel free to enjoy the ride, comment, critique and review!

    PM List:
    Chapter of Charizard;

    Chapter List:


    Ch.1) A Less Than Stellar Start

    Jack’s alarm on his phone went off for the fourth time that morning. Naturally, he hit snooze again.

    “I can afford ten more minutes.” He thought to himself before rolling over, face-first, into his pillow.

    No, Jack wasn’t pulling the stereotypical “new-trainer-sleeps-through-his-first-morning-of-being-a-Pokémon-trainer” routine. In fact, Jack had been rather diligent and responsible on his first day, showing up three hours too early.

    In actuality, Jack had only set his alarm to keep on his Dad’s good side. His Dad was a teacher at the Pokémon academy in Viridian City and was out for summer break. During the school year, it was a rarity for Jack to be up and out of bed even a second before noon. However, with his Dad home he felt obligated to be out of bed at a semi-decent hour.

    His alarm went off again. Jack rolled over onto his back and checked his phone’s display for the time. 10:30.

    “Guess it’s that time, huh?” Jack looked down at the little orange lizard sitting at his feet. The Charmander smiled a pointy toothed grin and twitched his flamed-tipped tail. There’s no telling how long the fire Pokémon had been awake, waiting for its trainer to finish his daily battle with the snooze button.

    Jack got out of bed and attempted to straighten his hair. Not happening.

    His thick black hair was unkempt as always, sticking out at every possible angle. The 5 o’clock shadow on his face further added to his general disheveled look. The only part about him that hinted that he might actually care about his appearance was his slender, runner’s build. While Jack never had a knack for the so-called “spectator-sports”, he was always a good runner which kept him in fairly good shape. He pulled an orange v-neck on over the gym shorts he had slept in the night before and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

    Along the way, he passed his Dad who was watching the daily news in the living room. Jack’s good-morning was greeted by a non-committal grunt. His parents’ frustration with his latency was becoming glaringly obvious, particularly his Dad’s. Jack was 20 after all and still hadn’t left home. His Dad had gotten sick just before he was set to go on his Pokémon journey at ten years of age and Jack used that as an excuse to not leave Pallet Town. It was nothing major but Jack still elected to stay home in the event something unspeakable happened. After a few weeks Jack’s father recovered fully and went back to work but Jack couldn't bring himself to leave home. Every time he was set to leave he would always make an excuse to stick around Pallet. Perhaps it was fear of the unknown. Perhaps he was content with his life as it currently stood. Nevertheless, he had been free-riding on his parents ever since.

    Jack looked around the kitchen. His Mom had left for work without making any sort of breakfast. Perhaps this was a hint. He opened up the refrigerator and squinted into the light. Charmander came up behind up and peeked into the refrigerator from between his legs.

    “Well we've got some slim pickings today, buddy…” Jack reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a cold pork chop. He gave the left-overs to his companion and then pulled out a gallon of milk, drinking directly from the container. He wiped the milk from his upper lip, replaced the jug, and closed the door. He looked down at his Charmander who had just finished eating and was now inspecting the vent at the bottom of the refrigerator.

    Despite his lack of aspiration as a trainer, he loved his Charmander dearly. Charmander and Jack were best friends. Like Jack, Charmander had grown content with their life of mediocrity and didn’t resent his trainer for not pushing him. It was probably a good thing as Jack hadn’t battled a Pokémon with Charmander in years.

    “I’m going into Viridian today,” Jack’s Dad said as he came into the kitchen, snapping Jack out of his reverie. Jack’s Dad was a tall man with broad shoulders and white hair. His green eyes studied Jack critically. “I don’t know if you needed anything.”

    “Nah…I think me and Charmander are just going to hang around today.” Charmander beamed at Jack. He loved lazy days. Most of Jack’s days were lazy days.

    His Dad became irritated and with an exasperated sigh said “Are you planning on getting a new job anytime soon?”

    Jack had formerly worked as the announcer at the Viridian City gym before being laid off when the gym closed. His parents’ impatience had picked up considerably now that he was unemployed.

    ‘I’ll get one eventually, Dad. Come on, Charmander.” Jack didn’t want to look at his Dad anymore. He knew he was letting him down. After he backed out of his trainer journey, he had enrolled in his Dad’s school and gotten nearly perfect marks. He graduated with honors and appeared to be on the fast track to becoming a stellar trainer. Instead, he opted for a brief stint as Professor Oak’s lab aide. Just one of his many excuses for not leaving home. Needless to say, he had never lived up to his potential.

    “Son, you’ve got to do something with your life eventually.”

    Rather than acknowledge his Dad’s pointed advice, Jack walked out of the front door with Charmander following at his heels. “Some fresh air would do me some good,” He thought to himself.

    As he walked down his driveway he could see some new trainers leaving Professor Oak’s lab. Undoubtedly, they had just received their first Pokémon and were on the verge of starting their respective journeys as trainers. Jack smiled to himself, thinking fondly of his first day with Charmander. They had spent the entire day fighting wild Pidgey and Rattata until the sun finally set.

    Suddenly, one of the new trainers came up to him with a brand new red and white Pokéball in his hand and a hungry look in his eye.

    “I’ve got a Charmander too! Let’s battle!” Without waiting for a reply, the kid threw his Pokéball on the ground and in a flash of white light, a Charmander exactly like Jack’s erupted onto the grass. “C’mon Scorch! Let’s show this guy what we’ve got!”

    Being somewhat of a veteran trainer, Jack wasn’t looking to demoralize a young trainer on the first day of his journey. After all, he had been with Charmander for over ten years. They had conquered the trainers’ school together. It wouldn’t be fair to the new trainer, no matter how naïve and cocky he may have been so far. “I don’t think it would be fair to you to battle me at this point. I’m pretty experienced, kid.”

    “Oh come on! It’s Charmander versus Charmander! It’s fair!”

    “You have a lot to learn. My Charmander is pretty experienced. You’re still a brand new trainer. Go train up a bit and then I’ll be glad to battle you!”

    Jack hoped this would diffuse the situation. It didn’t. Instead of taking up Jack’s offer of a future battle, the kid instead switched his focus to Jack’s Charmander.

    “Scorch! Use Scratch!” The kid’s Charmander took off at a sprint at Jack’s Charmander. Scorch jumped into the air, claws raised, ready to rake them along Jack’s Charmander unprotected body. However, Jack’s Charmander’s experience came into play and the tiny orange lizard deftly rolled out of the way, finishing smoothly on his feet, ready to return an attack.

    “Alright, well I guess our hand has been forced,” Jack thought to himself. “Charmander! Use Fire Fang!”

    Jack’s Charmander took off at Scorch. As he opened his mouth prepared to bite, flames flared around his canines. Scorch attempted a dodge but couldn’t quite avoid the attack. Charmander bit into Scorch’s unprotected side, causing the young Charmander to cry out in pain. Scorch was hurt but not out of the battle yet.

    “Scorch! We can’t take another hit like that! Keep him at bay with Growl!”

    Scorch let out the most ferocious possible growl that could come from such a small fire type. Jack’s Charmander receded slightly. “Good! Now use Scratch again!”

    Scorch swiped at Charmander’s face again. Charmander ducked under the claws but not quite as smoothly as his first dodge. The attack passed overhead and Charmander stumbled before regaining his footing. Jack’s Charmander was already becoming winded from the battle.

    “Hang in there, buddy. I know it’s been a while!” Jack’s Charmander nodded at him but he couldn’t mask the fatigue in his eyes. “Use Ember!”

    Charmander grabbed his tail and blew into the flames sending tiny plumes of fire flying into Scorch’s direction. This time, however, Scorch was fast enough to dodge Charmander’s attack. Scorch quickly sidestepped the flames and without taking direction from his trainer jumped in the air to attack Charmander.

    “Charmander! You’re gonna have to dodge this one!” Scorch’s claws had begun glowing and his entire paw had turned silver. Unfortunately for Jack, Charmander didn’t have the energy to duck this time. The fire-type took the full brunt of Scorch’s attack and fell to the ground unconscious.

    “No way! You learned metal claw Scorch? That’s awesome!” The boy ran up and hugged his victorious Pokémon while Jack watched in slight shock. “I win!”

    Jack couldn’t believe he had lost. Jack pointed a Pokéball at his defeated Charmander. A red beam of light came from the Pokéball, engulfed Charmander and sucked it back into the Pokéball.

    “Good battle. You’re really talented for someone as young as yourself.”

    Jack extended a hand to the boy. If he was going to lose, he might as well lose graciously.

    “It was mostly Scorch,” The boy shrugged and returned Scorch, not fully able to hide his excitement at winning. “My name is Colin, by the way.”

    “It’s good to meet you, Colin. I expect to see you doing big things down the road.” And with that, Colin was on his way. There was no telling what adventures he would face. As for Jack, he was still facing mediocrity. He couldn’t help but be envious of Colin. Colin had the entire world in front of him, ready to be seized. Meanwhile, even Jack’s Charmander had sunk to a level of sub-par.

    Jack trudged back up his driveway, kicking cobblestones as he walked. After he healed Charmander, maybe he’d go for a run and clear his head.

    He pushed open the front door and walked over to his dad’s study.

    It was a large circular room sequestered to its own lonely corner in the house. Adorning the walls were old black-and-white photos of Jack’s Dad standing proudly in front of the trainer school. His father had developed a natural bond with Pokémon and had acquired seven of the eight gym badges in his heyday. He and his Pidgeot were one of the most feared combinations in Kanto. Naturally Jack was supposed to be every bit of the trainer his father was. Whoops.

    Jack finally reached the healing machine located in the back of the study. It looked like a photocopier with six individual slots for Pokéballs. Jack placed Charmander’s ball in one of the grooves and flipped the switch on the machine’s surface. The machine made a soft humming noise and eventually let out a solitary DING, signifying Jack’s Pokémon had been fully healed. He collected his companion and started to leave the study.

    As he was walking out, however, something caught his eye. He noticed his name on a piece of paper lying on his Dad’s large wooden desk. He walked over and pulled the paper out from underneath the desk calendar. It was a letter from his grandpa. As his eyes scanned the letter his heart began to sink.

    I know it’s tough but I think it’s time to either get harsh with Jack or write him off. The boy has no direction or aspirations. All the talent, none of the desire. I would tell him he either needs to get a job or leave. Tough love may be what the boy needs. I can’t bear to see you so saddened.

    In that moment, Jack felt like vomiting. Not because his grandpa felt like he should be kicked out…but because he was taking a toll on his parents. He knew he was disappointing them. That, he could live with. But breaking their heart? That was too much.

    Jack walked straight into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the wall. He quickly punched in a sequence of numbers and listened through three rings before he finally heard his Dad’s gruff voice greet him on the other line.


    “Hey Dad…it’s Jack. I changed my mind. I need you to grab some stuff for me in Viridian, mostly trainer supplies. I’ll need as much as I can get if I want to leave tomorrow morning.”
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2013
  2. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Here for the review I owe you! Sorry, but this is going to be a short one, I think this is like my 2nd review, and the first one I did was mostly focused on grammar which I know you don't like. So, no grammar review from me!

    First off, I like the very non-traditional opening; (did I use a semi-colon right there, I never know) the character, instead of being a teenager and going to get his pokemon at the start of the story, was a young adult and had already got his first pokemon years ago. I like that deviation from the standard procedure!

    Secondly, I really liked how you got him going on his journey, instead of being eager and excited, he was just the opposite, it taking quite a push to actually get him going. Also, might I add that the scene where he made up his mind to go on the journey was very well done, even emotional, reminding me of my relationship with my dad a little.

    That's really all I have to say, sorry it was such a short review, but given that it was fairly short (not too much though), and there wasn't much to criticize, I think it can be slightly justified?

    Overall, I've really enjoyed your fic, 10/10 honestly, I can't wait to see what you have in store. If you have a PM list, please add me to it.
  3. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    I was on the original PM list too and I would like to be re-added to it. I feel the story is better, though I can't exactly put my finger on what you did to change it.
  4. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Hey! We have readers again!

    Colt45- Thanks for the review! I'm glad his push toward leaving struck a pseudo-chord with you. It was recently added and I was hoping it wouldn't seem too out of place!

    jeffdavid02-Welcome back! Only some minor things changed in chapter 1 as the vast majority of the edits affect later chapters (the majority of which you never saw). If you're actually wondering what I edited, I redid almost all of the dialogue (to a degree) to make Jack seem less flat as a character, I gave more background as to why he stayed home for so long, and gave a very different reason for why he finally decided to leave.

    Anyways, you've both been added to the PM list and I hope you continue to read! Thanks!
  5. Chapter

    Chapter hello, im back sorta

    I love this story. It's comically embarrassingly strange (that I needed the computer to correct spelling on both comically and embarrassingly) that he was defeated by Colin, a brand-new trainer. He's then envious of Colin, a journey in front of him. The note pushes him over the edge, and he starts his journey.

    His list of excuses was really great. Lab-aide, announcer, (who was then laid off [.] I totally understand this because I've played LG LOL) bla de blah bla. It's a strange perspective on OT - Journey stories because he's already 20. My main character is 14 or so, but here you have a man who has, "Talent with no aspiration." I expect more laziness down the road!!! XD

    One thing, though, is that I feel a lot of background was revealed at once. I like it, but I also keep things hidden away so that I can pull them out later. Not a mistake, just a personal opinion.

    Also, how many kids are in Pallet! I thought remember only four houses, one of which was Oak's lab. XD Not something that should (unless you want to) be fixed but it doesn't make sense logically.

    I like your writing style because it's in depth and descriptive. It focuses on things that have not been explained (I NEED TO DO THIS) and doesn't really leave strings untied. Every spidery-web on the hot-glue gun was cleaned off. **Cough- Bad analogy - Cough**

    I would love to be on the PM List, by the way. Thanks!
  6. T-Bolt

    T-Bolt Electrifying.

    You know, the first thing I noticed was that the font size seemed pretty big. I think it's supposed to be Ariel 12.

    'Jack felt like vomiting' sounds a bit strange. I don't really think Anyone would feel like vomiting after reading a note. I think a better word to use here would be "Jack's spirit sank" or "Jack's mind was in turmoil".

    I think the story seems interesting though. I'll keep an eye on this fic.
  7. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Ch. 2) The First Addition

    It was only natural that the deepest chamber of the Seafoam Islands was this wet. A loan figure, guided only by a solitary flashlight, was walking down a desolate stone hallway. His features were difficult to distinguish, as he was wearing what appeared to be a black cloak which concealed the majority of his face, save for his ice blue eyes. He looked down at the cave floor, taking careful note not to accidently step into one of the many pools of water that had been created due to runoff from the cave walls.

    Suddenly, the hallway appeared to come to a dead end.

    “Hmmmm…” The man ran a slender, pale hand along the wall. His fingertips gingerly ran over every bump and crevice before coming to a stop over a large rounded outcropping. The man placed his palm over the outcropping and smiled slightly to himself. “Perfect…”

    With a surprising amount of strength, the man closed his fist around the outcropping, shattering it. In its place was a glowing green spike.

    “Such a juvenile measure.” The man looked knowingly at the spike and then rammed his palm into it, causing the spike to rip through the back of his hand. Blood gushed from his palm, coating the spike. The man gave a small grimace which quickly faded to a dark smile as the spike began to glow bright white. Suddenly, the wall around the spike melted away revealing a glowing blue antechamber.

    The man looked down at his hand, which was now unscathed, showing no indication of the spike that had been ran through it not thirty seconds earlier.

    “This is indeed some mysterious magic…” he said as he looked at his white palm and knuckles, unmarred.

    The man proceeded into the chamber, looking at the massive glowing blue crystals which covered the room. The water runoff which had been so prevalent in the previous chamber was gone now. Frankly, there didn’t appear to be anything in this chamber. Aside from the blue crystals, the circular room was completely empty. The man frowned and pulled what appeared to be an ancient piece of paper from within his cloak.

    “This can’t be right…” His blue eyes ran over the yellowed parchment, searching for answers. It was an overhead map of the crystal chamber, showing a circular room with a raised pedestal in the center of the room. Along the edges of the map was some sort of archaic writing. For whatever reason, the room was now missing the center platform that the map so clearly showed.

    The man tucked the map back underneath his cloak and walked into the center of the room where the pedestal should have been. His soft footfalls didn’t even echo as he reached the center of the chamber. Finally he came to a stop and looked around the room carefully. Without warning, a red force field erupted from the ground and launched the man a clean ten feet before he slammed into the chamber floor. From within the field, the pedestal rose from below the ground with a dark black stone resting at its top. The force field rose to reach the ceiling and runes that looked exactly like the lettering on the man’s map appeared in the force field itself almost like a warning sign.

    The man’s eyes flicked to the symbols, as his lips moved while reading them.

    “Now this is more like it.” The man pulled a necklace from underneath his cloak and held it between his fingers. Attached to the string was a small silver socket inlaid with a glowing turquoise crystal. The man touched the crystal to the force field. The red field began to surround the crystal and then worked its way up the man’s arm before enveloping his hooded body. With a satisfied the smile, the man threw the crystal to the ground, its function now apparently unnecessary.

    “I never thought I would actually see the Primeval Stone with my own two eyes.” The man said as he strode forward and attempted to grab the black stone. As he got within reaching distance, however, the stone lit up with blood red energy. The energy pulsed through every crack and flaw on the stone’s surface and a violent screeching filled the chamber.

    The man quietly answered the noise with his own sentiment of “This can’t be good…” before attempting to back pedal. Before he could put any distance between himself and the stone, however, black energy strands erupted from the floor of the chamber. They looked almost like a demonic Octillery’s tentacles. The tentacles then wound their way around the man, creating a pitch-black cocoon around him.

    The man’s first instinct was to lash out and attempt to break out of his black energy prison. Surprisingly, he found that as he kicked and punched, the energy moved with him. It was a dynamic prison that didn’t appear to have any set boundaries. With this in mind, the man took a knife off of his belt and slashed forward in hopes of cutting himself free. This was a mistake.

    The instant the man’s knife made contact with the cocoon, the black energy took on a different tone. Malevolent sparks began to course over the cocoon’s surface. A tentacle erupted from within and wrapped its way around the man’s neck. When he opened his mouth because of the potential asphyxiation, a second tentacle shot down his mouth. The man could feel the life being sucked from him.

    In a last ditch effort to free himself, he grabbed one of his six Pokéballs from within his cloak, and pressed the release button in the middle of the sphere. For a split second he saw the explosion of white light and then everything changed. The black energy instantly became one single tentacle, causing the man to crash to the cave floor. Before the man’s Pinsir could emerge from the Pokéball, the tentacle shot into the Pokéball, seeming to devour the white light and slamming the Pokéball shut behind it. The Pokéball shook a few times like the man had just caught a new Pokémon and then came to be eerily still and quiet.

    The man remained on all fours, panting from the near death experience. Just across the chamber from him, the force field and the pedestal had disappeared. All that was the left was the Primeval Stone lying on the chamber floor. It was now quiet and unassuming. It just looked like a rather large chunk of charcoal. Boring and black. The man strode over, this time with an air of caution, and picked up the stone. Once he had it in his hands, a look of both relief and triumph crossed his face. The man then produced a small canvas bag from under his coat. He dropped the stone into it and then cinched the bag tight.

    With his treasure in hand, the man strode back over to his Pokéball and picked it up. The Pokéball was radiating cold energy. The man looked at the Pokéball with a sense of knowing.

    “So you must be the first Primeval…”


    Jack stood out in front of his modest house in Pallet Town facing his two parents. For the first time in several years, they looked proud of him. His Mom had already shared a tear-filled goodbye with him. Despite her misgivings about Jack lingering around the house instead of doing things with his life, she would miss her son. His Dad was taking longer to find the words.

    “Son…I don’t really know how to say this…I’m really…”, his Dad stopped and sighed then looked at Jack with resigned happiness in his eyes. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I’m proud of you.”

    Jack gave a crooked smile and hugged his Dad. There was no telling how long it would be until he saw his parents again. But for now, all the words had been said, all the tears had been shed, and now it was time to go. Jack gave his parents one last “I love you” and then left, taking the one dusty road out of town toward Route 1.

    Jack was about fifty feet away when he finally looked back. Both of his parents had finally gone back inside and suddenly the realization that he was finally leaving set in. He looked around at all the quaint houses and the low reaching trees. He was going to miss the town. After all, it had been his home for twenty years. As he looked ahead and saw the thick grasses, however, he knew his destiny was elsewhere.

    Jack made his way onto Route 1 and took a deep breath of the clean air. The route was relatively sparse with occasional patches of tall grass and trees placed sporadically along the fringes of the route. He could see tiny purple mice Pokémon darting along the route and could hear the chirping of bird Pokémon among the trees.

    “I wonder what Pokémon even hang out around here…”

    Jack pulled his Pokédex out of the cargo pocket on his shorts. He had obtained this valuable piece of technology from Professor Oak when he first started his journey. As a result he had an incredibly outdated model. He knew sleeker, more advanced versions had been released but his was still the original red rectangle which largely resembled a Gameboy with a large green sensor in the upper right hand corner. Although it had only catalogued information on his Charmander, he was immensely grateful that he hadn’t lost it. He was already so behind the curve as is, every bit of information that the Pokédex could offer would be indispensable. Suddenly, the Pokédex came to life.

    <Pidgey. The Tiny Bird Pokémon. Pidgey has an extremely sharp sense of direction. It is capable of unerringly returning home to its nest, however far it may be removed from its familiar surroundings.>

    Jack looked down and saw what had set the Pokédex off. Just ahead of him, picking at fallen chestnuts in the dust, was a tiny bird Pokémon. It was covered in russet-toned feathers, with a cream colored belly. Its eyes were masked in black and it was making quiet, cooing noises as it pecked at the ground. Essentially, it looked like the least-threatening Pokémon possible. As Jack shuffled his feet, he caught the bird’s attention, causing it to turn around and study Jack with its green, avian eyes. It cocked its head slightly to this side and chirped softly.

    Jack put the Pokédex away and slowly pulled a Pokéball off of his belt. He held his breath in an effort to be as quiet as possible. He wasn’t looking to scare the Pidgey away. Jack then quickly flung the Pokéball at the Pidgey. The tiny-bird Pokémon squawked and shot away, causing the Pokéball to sail harmlessly underneath.


    Jack, being the new trainer that he was, didn’t stop to think that Pidgey were horribly common in this area and so he took off after it like it was a priceless treasure. He quickly scooped up his Pokéball and ran into the tall grass toward a tree that the bird had taken refuge in. He finally reached the base of the thick oak and saw Pidgey about halfway up, perched on a solitary v-shaped branch.

    Jack pulled Charmander’s Pokéball off his belt and let out his tiny fire lizard. Charmander swung its tail through the air, letting sparks fly, happy to be free from its spherical home.

    “Alright, Charmander, here’s the plan. I’m gonna climb up this tree and try to chase the Pidgey out. You attack it when it tries to fly away, okay?”

    Charmander gave a quick nod and turned its gaze into the tree. Jack then reached up and grabbed a solid oak branch. His foot found a rounded knot at the base of the tree and he hoisted himself up amongst the leaves. Upon seeing Jack’s ascension, Pidgey puffed up and ruffled its feathers, clearly agitated at being pursued.

    “Here we go!” Jack yelled as he jumped for Pidgey. Pidgey responded by hitting Jack with a Gust attack and sent Jack flying out of the tree. Unfortunately for him, Charmander heard Jack shout and fired an ember as soon as he saw something moving. The tiny flames singed Jack’s back as he crashed to the dust.

    “Not my best idea…” he wheezed as he waited for his lungs to fill back up with air. Before he could even get back to his feet, however, a brown streak flashed in front of his eyes and collided with Charmander. Both Charmander and Jack bounced back to their feet, glaring at the smug Pidgey who was now chirping happily, almost like it was laughing at Jack’s inexperience.

    “Alright…now I’m angry! Charmander use Ember!”

    Charmander fired the plumes and Pidgey used another gust attack to send the flares flying harmlessly away. The Pidgey then took off, flying low to the ground.

    “Oh, no you don’t! Come back here! “Jack and Charmander took off after Pidgey on foot. “Charmander keep firing away until you can get a hit on it!”

    Charmander shot a tiny plume of fire from its mouth but didn’t judge the bird Pokémon’s movement correctly and shot behind it. The tiny orange lizard got frustrated and fired again. This time he over shot the Pidgey but scared it just enough to turn it around. Jack took this opportunity to run behind the bird, cutting it off and locking it in between himself and his Charmander. The Pidgey glared at Jack but then turned to face Charmander. Apparently, the bird Pokémon felt that he had a better shot of getting past the little fire type than a trainer.

    “Charmander! Use Metal Claw!”

    Charmander’s claws glossed over with a silver sheen and it swung at Pidgey. Pidgey flapped its wings and tried to fly upward but its tail didn’t manage to totally miss the attack. Charmander’s attack ripped Pidgey back down to the ground where it landed in a crumpled heap of feathers. Pidgey got back to its feet and attempted a tackle but missed as Charmander deflected the attack by parrying with his tail.

    “Nice defensive move! Now use Fire Fang!”

    Charmander’s mouth filled with flame as it bit down hard on Pidgey’s wing while the bird attempted to fly away yet again. The Pidgey's feathers were left singed, indicating that Charmander had left a lasting burn. Pidgey was just barely hanging on to consciousness at this point.

    Jack took this opportunity to pull a Pokéball back off his belt and flung it at Pidgey’s back since it was still facing Charmander. This time there was no dodge. The Pokéball collided with Pidgey and in a flash of white light, sucked up the tiny bird Pokémon.

    The ball rocked once, twice, and then….PING!

    The Pidgey was captured.

    “AWESOME! My first Pokémon!”

    Charmander looked angrily at Jack and snorted.

    “You know what I meant.”

    With that, Jack returned his still slightly offended Charmander and held both Pokéballs in each hand. He was only a matter of hours into his journey and was already off to a great start. This was truly the start of something big.
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2013
  8. deh74

    deh74 Seine Majestät

    He would catch a pidgey. Did the mysterious farm guy rally catch the fall malevolent thingy? oh yeah and what was that thing?
  9. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Hey two new readers!

    T-Bolt-Welcome to the fic! I've seen you around the forum quite a bit so it's always nice to have some experienced, active members popping in and out on my story. To answer your questions, when I went back and reread the rules, I think it was referring to the document in Microsoft Word should be 12 point, arial so you can ensure its the proper two pages (especially considering this forum only gives you the options of sizes 1-7 lol). Anyways, I hope you continue to stick around and enjoy!

    deh74- I would also like to welcome you the fic! And yea, he did catch a Pidgey...but I mean there's really only two options...Pidgey and Rattata at this point. For some weird reason, I feel like a lot of fan fics ignore the regions starting bird type as is...maybe it's just me. And yes, the mysterious guy did indeed catch the "malevolent thingy" but I'm not really going to elaborate much more than that since the story kind of hinges on ambiguity for a while.

    Thanks for reading!
  10. deh74

    deh74 Seine Majestät

    Its ok I like pidgey, and pidgeotto to... Except Faulkners pidgeotto his its annoying. This maleVolent thingy is intriguing.
  11. TheEliteEmpoleon

    TheEliteEmpoleon Surge Surfer

    Nice fic so far... I like your idea; it is very original. One little thing I saw in Chapter 2 was that in the paragraph where Jack cuts off Pidgey, his name changes to Jake briefly. Other than that your story is great. Keep up the nice work! And could you add me to the PM list? Thanks :)
  12. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    Nice chapter. Do you happen to be a fan of Harry Potter? That opening scene where the man had to drive a spike into his hand in order to gain access to the Primeval Stone reminded me strongly of The Half-Blood Prince in which Harry and Dumbledore had to feed the door blood in order to reach Voldemort's horcrux.
  13. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    EliteEmpoleon-Welcome to the fic! You have officially been added to the PM list! Also, nice catch on that semi-embarrassing mistake. Rectified that one! Anyways I hope you continue to read and enjoy.

    jeffdavid102-You know...I hadn't even thought of that, but you're right. The scene where Dumbledore cuts his forearm is oddly reminiscent...although I was more intending for fear to keep trespassers out of the room...not so much to weaken them as Voldemort did in JK's fic. Either way though, I like the allusion!

    To everyone else, with school/work, I've found that the easiest way to post regularly is either late Sunday or early Monday...so just expect weekly updates around then for now! Again, thanks to everyone for reading!
  14. Chapter

    Chapter hello, im back sorta

    I liked this chapter. It was pretty strange though, the Seafoam Island person. I think they'll end up meeting. Anyways, the only problem is that so far it seems like a very typical story. like, Jack hasn't separated himself from the other OT fic characters. He has the original Pokedex, a Charmander, a Pidgey, and lives in Kanto. I can't complain really. It's only the second chapter. Let's just make sure that this doesn't become Red's story... XD

    What? Haha.

    Good luck, and can't wait for the next one!

    0 to 10:

    0- Unfixable
    1- Horrible
    2- Bad
    3- Needs Improvement
    4- Not Great
    5- Okay
    6- Decent
    7- Great
    8- Amazing
    9- Superior
    10- Perfect

    I'd give it a 7 out a 10. Keep up the good work!


    Unrelated but...

    Love HP! I remember that... The lake of zombies and the missing Horcruz n' all that? ... Yerp
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2013
  15. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Pretty good chapter!

    Man, you really have great descriptions; I might as well have been watching that Seafoam Islands part with my own eyes, I could picture it so clearly.

    Besides the spelling errors the guys above me posted, I didn't notice any grammatical errors, not that I'm a grammar expert.

    But, about the content of the chapter itself, I didn't really find it as interesting as the last one, but it was solid. I liked the mystery surrounding the man who was in the Seafoam Islands, and I'm looking forward to learning more about him. With Jack's story, nothing too big really happened, but at least he has begun his adventure, which is a good start. Overall, I'd say this seemed like more of a setup chapter, setting up bigger things coming in later chapter, rather than delivering the goods itself, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. One question though, are you planning on having the pokemon found in each route in the fic correspond to the pokemon found in each route in the game? I'm not saying you need to put later generation pokemon in the fic (though I certainly wouldn't mind that), but a little variation would be nice. I'm sure you were planning to do something like that, so I'm probably just bugging you for something you already plan on doing.

    That's all I have to say, 7.5/10 overall.
  16. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Ch. 3) Blind Luck

    The Rattata skidded through the grass, came to a dusty stop, and struggled back to its feet.

    “Alright, good Pidgey! Now finish it with Quick Attack!”

    Jack’s Pidgey rocketed through the air and smashed into Rattata’s exposed rib cage. The Rattata collapsed, eyes spinning.

    “Awesome job! I think that’s about enough training for now, though!” Jack returned his bird Pokémon to its Pokéball and continued up the road. As he walked, his stomach began to growl. He realized he hadn’t eaten all day. Jack walked over to a large oak tree and rolled a mat out underneath it.

    “Come on out you two!” Jack pressed the button on his two occupied Pokéballs and in an explosion of white light his Charmander and Pidgey appeared on the grass in front of their trainer. Jack plucked a handful of berries from a nearby bush and handed them to his Pokémon. Both ate eagerly.

    Jack looked north to what he assumed could only be Viridian City. Dusk was beginning to set in. It could potentially be a long journey so perhaps it would be better if he stopped for the night. He looked down at his two Pokémon who were preoccupied with playing with another. Charmander was swinging his tail through the air, sending small sparks at Pidgey. Pidgey was happily dodging the small sparks, chirping cheerfully as the grass harmlessly singed around its pink feet.

    Jack pulled out a small tent kit and began to erect what would serve as his overnight shelter. Both Charmander and Pidgey watched him with mild fascination. After fifteen minutes of struggling with poles and tarp, he finally got the tent up and rolled his sleeping bag out into the structure.

    “Alright guys, time to get back into your Pokéballs for the night.”

    Both Pidgey and Charmander looked at Jack with pitiful, sad eyes clearly not wanting to spend the night in their Pokéballs.

    “Fine… you guys win...” Jack pulled aside the tent flap and allowed his two companions to enter the tent. Pidgey glided over to Jack’s backpack and made a small nest for itself to sleep in with Jack’s remaining contents. The tiny bird cooed softly and then ducked its head behind a small brown wing, ready to sleep. Charmander nudged Jack with his orange head and then went and rested next to Jack’s backpack.

    Jack looked at both of his Pokémon fondly and then crawled into his sleeping bag. He needed to get some sleep before the big day tomorrow. He crossed his two hands behind his head and laid back, watching the stars begin to creep out. The last thought he had before falling off to sleep was how close the clouds seemed to be…


    Jack found himself walking down a golden pathway in the sky. A large circular fountain lay at the end of the pathway with glorious cerulean waters cascading and dancing from its golden fixture. Jack wasn’t sure why but for some reason he knew it was imperative that he get to that fountain. As he approached the fountain, the sky became brighter and brighter, eventually growing to a near blinding white light once he finally reached the fountain itself.

    Standing at the fountain were two dominating figures, one male and one female. They didn’t appear to be fully human, however. They were both roughly eight feet tall. Their clothing looked like a cloak made of golden machinery. There was pulsating blue energy coming from every crease and fold of their cloaks. They each bore large headdresses, with an arc of spikes fanning out from the crown of their head culminating in the nape of their neck. Their skin was silver but unlike their robes did not appear to be machine based. Both looked at Jack fondly.

    “We’ve been expecting you, Aesgar” said the woman and she reached out a silvery hand to touch Jack on the chest, just over his heart. Before it could make contact, however, the woman appeared to turn to solid stone. Jack worriedly looked at the man for some sort of explanation but to his horror, the man had also turned to stone. Jack didn’t know why but he started to panic. A painful screeching filled the air, brutalizing Jack's eardrums. The woman’s extended finger began to chip and crumble away to dust like a burnt tree branch. As the two people became dust, the sky too melted into a blood red dusk. Jack was starting to feel sick.

    Suddenly, Jack found himself on warm rocks and there in front of him was a monstrosity. It was a man with pale skin, racked with scars. He was bald but had ice blue eyes. His lower body was that of an emerald green snake Pokémon and his tail was whipping violently through the air. His mouth was agape in a hideous snarl and a pointed tongue thrashed about. His muscles pulsated underneath his skin and his eyes glowed with a sinister yellow.

    “I’ve been waiting for you, Sky Puppet!” The serpent-man hissed as he lunged for Jack. Jack backpedaled and fell backwards over a small stone outcropping skidding just at the edge of a bubbling pool of lava behind him. The monster thrashed back around to face Jack, its tail pulverizing nearby rocks to dust. Jack attempted to get back to his feet but found his body glued to the ground. The monster opened its mouth and a bright gold beam of light stretched between its teeth. With a bellow, the man released the beam of light at Jack.

    Jack was only dimly aware that he was screaming when he awoke.


    By the next morning, Jack had all but forgotten about his nightmare and was now happily trudging through the wilderness toward Viridian City with Charmander skipping along at his side. Jack was just about to turn onto the main road that led directly into the city when he noticed a large clearing immediately to his right. He could hear faint Pokémon calls coming from the wooded area.

    “Come on Charmander! Let’s go check it out!” Eager as always, Charmander ran ahead of Jack into the clearing. As Jack chased after him he caught sight of numerous brown and white Pokémon flitting in and around the trees at the edge of the clearing. They appeared to be small foxes with the majority of their bodies covered in brown fur and a white tipped bushy tail. Jack pulled out his Pokédex and scanned the playful Pokémon.

    <Eevee. The Evolution Pokémon. Its ability to evolve into many forms allows it to adapt smoothly and perfectly to any environment.>

    Awesome!” Jack said as he pocketed the Pokédex. “You’ll make an excellent addition to my team!”

    Not wanting to scare off the tiny Pokémon, Jack silently pulled a Pokéball off of his belt and held it in his hand. Suddenly he saw one small Eevee with beautiful silvery-white fur separate itself from the rest of its pack. He dimly remembered something about super rare Pokémon called “shinies” from his years at the Pokémon academy. It was definitely the mark of a talented trainer to possess one.

    “So that must be what a shiny Pokémon looks like…” Jack thought to himself. If there was one thing that would validate his decision to become a Pokémon trainer, this was it. He had to have that Eevee. He gauged the distance, reared back, threw, and…

    PHOOSH! A huge arc of fire ripped through the air sending Jack’s Pokéball flying away from Eevee before landing harmlessly in the grass nearby. With all the commotion going on around them, the Eevee vanished into the woods. Jack had missed his shot at his rare Eevee. Jack wheeled to look at the source of the flames.

    His eyes landed upon a tall man with stark white hair that fell neatly around his forehead and ears. He was wearing thick black glasses and a bright blue button up shirt with a pair of thick khaki pants. At his side was a small black dog Pokémon with a skull on its forehead. Jack pulled the Pokédex back out.

    <Houndour. The Dark Pokémon. Houndour hunt as a coordinated pack. They communicate with each other using a variety of cries to corner their prey. This Pokémon's remarkable teamwork is unparalleled.>

    Satisfied with logging the Pokémon’s data in his Pokédex, Jack walked over to the man and said with a hint of frustration in his voice, “Why did you knock my Pokéball away?”

    The man smiled but did not tilt his head to meet Jack’s eyes. “Well that was for your own good.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “Well you see, those particular Eevee are a protected group. They’re one of the few wild groups of Eevee in all of Kanto. Twenty years ago, the breed was almost nonexistent. I come and check on them occasionally. With Houndour’s help, of course.” The man affectionately stroked the Pokémon’s black ears.

    “So no one can touch them?”

    “Not legally” The man smiled at Jack and the sunlight glinted off of his black glasses. “Don’t worry my boy! There are Eevee now available for capture in the Safari Zone in Fuchsia City. You’ll get another chance.”

    “I doubt it will be shiny…” Jack grumbled under his breath. The man smiled wryly at his comment.

    “There are more important things in this world than how things appear to the eye, son.” The man then held up a slender silver cane to hammer his point home to Jack. Jack then looked from his glasses, down to the cane, and then to the Houndour.

    “Wait…you’re blind?”

    The man smiled and nodded his head, no sense of sadness at all. Jack couldn’t help but admire that.

    “So…I’m honestly not trying to be rude when I say this…but how do you manage to travel around if you’re blind?” Jack sheepishly looked at the ground afraid of the man’s answer. Instead he was greeted with laughter.

    “Well, to be honest with you, in my younger days, I didn’t get around much. I was so angry at the world for taking away my vision that I stayed in my hometown of Vermillion City and didn’t ever leave. Once I reached my thirties, however, I became tired of being latent. I wanted to return to studying ancient Pokémon history so I had a close friend catch me this Houndour. These Pokémon are quite literally the perfect companion for me. They are loyal, highly adept at communication, and incredibly protective. I’ve been traveling Kanto ever since.”

    Jack couldn’t help but admire the man. Like Jack he had also given up on a Pokémon journey but unlike Jack he had overcome insurmountable odds to get to this point.

    “That’s incredible!” Jack grasped the man’s hand and shook it firmly. “My name’s Jack, by the way!”

    “Nice to meet you Jack! I’m Maxwell.” The man smiled and then stroked his Houndour’s jet-black coat. “Y’know…as good of a companion as Houndour may be, I seem to be having a little trouble lately. You see, Houndour can help me navigate terrain but it can’t exactly read a map and I desperately need to get to Pewter City. If it wouldn’t put you out, do you think you could get me through Viridian Forest?”

    Jack, for the majority of his life, had been happier doing things on his own. He was social but preferred to have his own space. However, something drew Jack to Maxwell. Perhaps it was that they had both become inexplicably latent. Maybe it was the inner strength that Maxwell exuded. Either way, Jack knew that he owed to himself to help Maxwell get to Pewter City.

    “Absolutely! It’d be awesome to have some company!” and with that, Jack and Maxwell left the thicket and headed back toward the main road.
    Along the way, Jack began to see how Maxwell and Houndour worked in tandem. Maxwell would move the cane along the road’s bumpy service while Houndour trotted two steps in front of him. What Maxwell’s cane didn’t catch, Houndour would and would then relay that information back to its trainer with various cries. Maxwell seemed to have pretty well mastered the art of navigating in the dark.

    After roughly an hour of travel, Maxwell and Jack finally reached the Viridian City limits and, consequently, the Pokémon Center. Both trainers needed to heal their Pokémon and the two men probably needed a little bit of rest themselves.

    As the two sliding glass doors parted for the two trainers, Jack got his first look at the insides of the Pokécenter. Inside there was a bright red counter in which a pretty nurse with pink hair stood operating a glowing machine with six Pokéball slots. Just to Jack’s left was a full cafeteria complete with tables which were jam packed full of trainers. To his right was a staircase which ascended to what Jack could only assume were a series of rooms reserved for trainers.

    Jack and Maxwell approached the nurse and handed over their Pokéballs. The nurse placed Jack’s two Pokéballs on a tray and placed Maxwell’s three on another tray.

    “They’ll be ready in about an hour” the Nurse said and with that moved on to the next trainers in line.

    “Do you wanna go sit down?” Jack asked Maxwell. “Since we’re waiting, we might as well eat.”

    Maxwell nodded and he and Jack made their way over to the tables albeit more slowly now that Houndour was no longer present. Before they could sit down, however, a loud explosion came from outdoors. The resulting shockwave rattled the windows in their panes. A man in a sweeping black cloak strode through the doors with two men in black jumpsuits and black R’s on their chests flanking him on each side. Although Jack wasn’t aware of it, this was a Team Rocket strike team.

    “Nobody move!” The man in the overcoat snarled. “I want you to all slowly throw your Pokéballs into my associate’s bags and no one will get hurt.”

    Jack looked around at the bewildered trainers and had some confidence. Surely such a multitude of trainers could easily handle three Rockets. Jack then turned back to the man and noticed something he hadn’t noticed before.

    The man in the coat had ice blue eyes. Suddenly the serpent creature from his dream came rushing back and his confidence drained. This wasn’t good.
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2013
  17. deh74

    deh74 Seine Majestät

    What the heck? The man who caught the malevolent thingy is actually half snake and works for rocket?Confused. Overall I liked thus chapter because it introduces the blind dude with a cool name and one of my favorite johto Pokemon. I imagine how jack must be feeling sinc he probably thinks he just lost the charmander he's raised for so many years.
  18. TheEliteEmpoleon

    TheEliteEmpoleon Surge Surfer

    Great chapter Jake! The story is nicely paced so far. I thought Jack was going to actually have half his team by the third chapter, which I was a little worried about, but you fooled me. The only thing I could ask in the story is a bit more description. Other than that it's terrific.

    Oh, and since this thread seems to be gaining popularity, and therefore more posts, maybe you could add a Chapter List to keep things organized.
  19. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Chapter list has been added! Thanks for the suggestion Empoleon!

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