Tournament Chronicles: Volume 1 - The Indigo League

[DANdotW]

Well, I've been working on this for a while to tell you the truth, and it was a really interesting project to undergo. It's basically a battle fic, so don't expect any amazing plot twists, except the winners of the battles, and I suppose ultimately the winner of the league. Now, so far, I've only begun this Volume, but there is a volume for all three leagues, and one for the Orange League, the Whirl Isle Cup and possibly the Battle Frontier. But basically, this is it. It's fun to read, action-packed and exciting. There are intense, well-described battles with descriptions on attacks, surroundings, emotions, characters, even with an emphasis on two major character voices (yes, there will be two characters that will be in every single volume of the story, and I'm sure you can guess who they are after reading their first part).
So basically, I hope you enjoy this story. Please leave comments so I can see how I'm doing, what I can do differently, even any ideas you have for upcoming battles. Every little helps.

Tournament Chronicles
Volume 1: The Indigo League


Chapter One

Lights turned on in a crowded stadium. The seats were massing with people, from different places, all over the region of Kanto. In the centre of the stadium were a large group of people, set aside from the others. One in particular stands out from the rest, much smaller than his neighbours. A man with a long white beard stood on a stage in front of the group of people, holding a microphone.

“Hello contestants,” he said, looking around at the trainers, “As you all know, we are gathered here to view the biggest tournament throughout the land of Kanto, where we will see old champions and new up and coming trainers.” The smaller trainer looked up at this, his brown eyes coming into view thanks to the floodlights above. “The usual rules apply to this tournament, but for newcomers, we’ll elaborate on them. First off, there will be the first round of battles, where each trainer will battle four three-on-three battles against their opponent on a randomly selected field. These fields chosen this year are as follows; the Water Field, where each trainer will have to show their ability to adapt both in water and on the platforms provided; then the Rock Field, where trainers usually use their most powerful Pokémon; next, the Ice Field, where most trainers use skill to use the field to their advantage; and finally, the Grass Field, where speed is the best attribute used.” The small boy turned to a man next to him, smiling the biggest smile he could muster.

“Aren’t you excited?” he asked the man, looking up at him.

“Not really,” he replied, tediously, “I’ve been to this tournament three times before.”

“Next, the contestants who make it through there will then face a series of six-on-six battles on a standard field, giving no advantage to any Pokémon type. So, without further ado, let the sacred flame be lit!” As the old man shouted, a man in a running suit made his way up a flight of stone steps, until he met a huge burner at the top, to which he placed the torch he was holding. A fire burst from the burner, almost shaping into the legendary bird of fire, Moltres.

***

“Here we are, folks, witnessing the very first battle of this years tournament, and what a day it is, don’t you agree, Derek?” asked a male voice coming through a speaker in the stadium. His voice was being transmitted from the commentators’ box far above the stands.

“Yes, Luther,” said the deeper voice known as Derek, “For all the guys who couldn’t make it, I really feel for you, this seems like a good day for Pokémon Battles.” The crowd cheered at this statement.

“That’s right,” said Luther, “But now, let’s hear it for today’s trainers.” Two doors opened at each end of the field, which at the moment was just brown flooring marked with white lines to shape it into the right size for the battle. It had a semi-circle at each end for the trainer to stand in. “Here is Rhoda, from Celadon City!” The crowd went wild, as out of one of the doors, a young woman walked. She was wearing a long pink dress, decorated with yellow flowers. Her mousy brown hair, which was tied into a bun, matched her mousy brown eyes. She stepped up to the semicircle on the left side of the field, from the commentators’ box’s point of view.

“Okay guys, could we resume the silence while I announce Rhoda’s opponent,” said Derek. At this, the crowd silenced itself to a tiny whisper. “Thank you, guys. Here is our next trainer, George from Viridian City!” Out of the door on the opposite side came a young man, standing in a pose that made him look arrogant. His hair was styled into spikes, black, matching his black shirt. His blue jeans were his only other part of clothing visible, as he wore no footwear to speak of. He stood opposite Rhoda, staring his opponent down.

“I hope you’re prepared to lose,” said George, still acting very cool. Rhoda looked him up and down.

“Win or lose, I’m going to fight until the end!” she shouted back, showing that she wasn’t a pushover.

“Right then, folks, we will now bring on the randomly choose the field type,” said Luther, “Of course, it was randomly selected before the battle started so that the trainers could prepare the right Pokémon to assist them on the field. And I will now reveal that the field chosen for this battle is,” he said this and then paused, knowing that the stands would be full of anticipation, which they were,” The Rock Field!” As he said this, the battlefield began to open from the lines in the middle of it, moving out to the sides. After that, a rumbling was heard from below the gap, rising to reveal a field filled with rocks and a rough surface. A referee in a blue shirt stood at the edge, in the centre so that he could see the battle properly. Due to the rocks, he was allowed a small stage to help him have the best accuracy possible.

“The battle will start now!” he said, raising a green flag and a red flag, placed on either side to show which colour represented each trainer. “The green trainer will choose first!” When he shouted this, he signalled the green flag towards George.

“Okay, here goes!” he said, throwing a ball, half red and half white, into the field. As a small button on it hit the floor, the ball opened, letting out a blinding light. The light then materialised into a shape and then the light cleared. It revealed a large grey boulder with four arms. It was looking around, then seemed to get its focus and stared at Rhoda.

“Grav, Graveller,” it said, sounding determined to win. Next it was Rhoda’s turn. She picked a small ball from her belt, but it wasn’t red and white. This one still had white on the bottom half, but it was blue with two red stripes on the top.

“I choose you, Venonat!” she shouted throwing it. This time, when it opened, the light didn’t just appear, but it came out in little stars, forming the shape of the Pokémon and then revealing it by exploding the light particles. The Pokémon left behind was a small purple insect, with long antenna and red eyes.

“Venonat, Venonat, Nat,” it said, looking from its trainer to Graveller. It was much smaller than the Graveller, but still it looked confident in its own abilities.

“Graveller, use your Magnitude!” ordered George. His Pokémon began to cry, loudly. During the cries, the ground began to shake vigorously.

“Would you look at that folks,” said Luther, seemingly amazed, “Now we all know that the power of a Magnitude is never the same, but I must say that this Magnitude seems extremely strong.”

“I agree, Luther,” added Derek, “That is one strong Graveller there. Is anyone else wondering why Rhoda sent out that Venonat against it? I think we may have a surprise in store for us here.” Venonat was taking the attack very well, considering how strong it was made out to be.

“Venonat, use Confusion on Graveller now!” shouted Rhoda. Venonat jumped into the air and concentrated its mind on Graveller. A strange blue aura surrounded Graveller, lifting it up into the air. “Now, send it flying!”

“Veeeen-Noo-Naaat!” shouted Venonat as it flung its head to the side, sending Graveller in the same direction. Graveller hit a rock in the middle of the field, grabbing onto it to stabilise itself.

“Now Graveller, Rollout!” shouted George, once again ordering an attack from the Rock-Type Pokémon. Graveller began to run around in a small circle, gaining speed. It kept running until it fell onto its middle and began to spin, with huge speed. It carried on spinning, moving towards Venonat, hitting it square in the face.

“Oh no, that Rollout looked really powerful, and we all know that the Rollout attack gets stronger for the duration of the attack. This could be bad news for Rhoda and her Venonat,” said Luther, watching the battle from the commentators’ box.

“Try to dodge this one Venonat!” shouted Rhoda. Venonat tried to jump out of the way as Graveller came back for another attack, but to no avail. It was hit hard.

“Ha-ha, keep going Graveller!” shouted George, enjoying the fact that he was winning so far. Graveller went in for another hit.

“Venonat, Disable!” shouted Rhoda. Venonat stared at the spinning Graveller, until it stopped, not able to move.

“Well now the battle is getting started!” said Derek, “Rhoda’s Venonat just stopped Graveller from using Rollout. This battle could still go on for a while yet.”

“Now Venonat, use Confusion to lift it into the air!” shouted Rhoda. Venonat once again created a blue aura around Graveller, but this time, it didn’t fling it to a rock. “Good Venonat, now blast it with a Psychic!” When she shouted this, Venonat crawled into itself, tucking its hands and feet in to make a ball.

“Veeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnn,” it droned, building power inside itself. When it had built up enough energy, it looked sternly at the floating Graveller. When it looked at Graveller, a huge explosion of purple light appeared in front of the heavy Pokémon, shooting it back. It hit rocks as it went, only to break straight through them and continue flying, finally hitting the wall behind its trainer, knocked out.

“And there we have it folks, the first knockout of the league!” shouted Luther, “Well, I wonder what Pokémon George will pick next” George picked a Pokéball from his belt, but this wasn’t the same either. It was still white, but the top was black, with two yellow stripes going down either side, stopping at the white.

“Ultraball, GO!” he shouted, throwing the strangely coloured ball. It opened up to give off almost a firework display of light, forming into a shape and then simply spinning off the Pokémon left behind. It was a tall horse, sporting a horn at the top of its head. Its mane was made of fire, as was its tail and the backs of all its legs.

“Raaaaaaaaaa-aaaaa-aaaaa-aaaa!” it shouted, sounding more like a whinny that it’s actual name.


Hunter

 

[DANdotW]

Okay, no responses yet, but it's still early days. Well, here is the second part of my masterpiece (in my opinion, of course). I hope you enjoy this chapter more than the first, since not many people seem to have enjoyed that very much.

Chapter 2

The Pokémon sent out was a Rapidash, a fire type. It whinnied again, looking around the crowd, then to the trainer. It didn’t seem to like George much, nor did it seem to like Venonat when it looked that way.

“Come on Rapidash, help me just this once,” George murmured to himself.

“Venonat, we can get through this,” Rhoda told her bug type Pokémon, “Now, use your Sleep Powder!” Venonat jumped into the air, gaining as much height as possible, then began to shake vigorously. As it was shaking, a large amount of what seemed to be pollen came through the fur on its body. The pollen was falling towards Rapidash.

“Well, how do you like that folks?” asked Luther, rhetorically. The crowd went wild, cheers mixed with boos. “That Sleep Powder looks pretty strong. It’ll take a lot of work from George to keep this match going.” George was smirking, looking towards Rapidash.

“Try and do this right, Fire Spin, Rapidash!” he shouted, ordering an attack from the fire-type. It reared back, lifting its huge head and opening its mouth. Roaring flames were emitted from the Pokémons mouth, spinning and moving up in a spiral, almost like a whirlwind of flames.

“What a novel and imaginative idea guys,” said Derek, “George used his Rapidash’s Fire Spin to burn away the Sleep Powder!” The crowd cheered once more, sending shivers through Rhoda.

“Venonat, it’s time to use your Compound Eyes!” shouted Rhoda. The crowd seemed confused.

“What is Rhoda, doing, ordering her Pokémon to use a non-existent attack?” yelled Luther. Rhoda merely laughed at their naivety.

“Fools,” she began, talking loudly into her microphone, “Compound Eyes is a special ability that all Venonat have. It focus’s their eyes to improve their accuracy dramatically. Now Venonat, use Psybeam!” After its eyes had focused using its Compound Eyes ability, Venonat jumped into the air and shot a rainbow coloured beam from its eyes, shooting over towards Rapidash.

“Now Rapidash, use Agility!” shouted George. Rapidash began to stomp its feet, shifting on its hooves. Then out of nowhere, it began streaming across the field, running circles around the airborne Venonat and dodging the Psybeam no matter where it went.

“Look at the speed of that Rapidash, folks!” yelled Luther, almost falling off his stool, “I know that Agility increases the original speed, but man could that Pokémon move fast to begin with.”

“Now Rapidash, show them your Fire Blast!” bellowed George. Rapidash stood still and aimed its muzzle at Venonat, generating intense fire in its mouth. Eventually, it blasted a large ball of fire at Venonat, who was still in the air. Before it got to Venonat, the fireball expanded into a five-pointed star.

“Quick Venonat, you have to do something!” cried Rhoda, just before the Fire Blast hit Venonat and exploded. Smoke was sent over the field, obscuring the view of the spectators. There was tension through the stands, so thick you could almost see it. The suspense was killing Luther in the commentators’ box.

“I can’t wait any longer, folks!” shouted Luther, “the suspense is killing me!”

“You don’t have to wait for long!” yelled Rhoda, as a bright light shone through the smoke, “Use Psychic to push the smoke away!” There was a blast of psychic energy, similar to the one before, only stronger. With the smoke gone, the crowd was in awe.

“Veno, Venomooooooooooth!” shouted the Pokémon left in view. It was a large insect with big purple wings.

“Well what do you know, guys,” said Derek, “Venonat evolved into Venomoth to survive the attack. Now there’s loyalty for you.” The audience was as shocked as he was, but for some reason, Rhoda wasn’t. She looked calm, if not a little impressed.

“Right, Rapidash,” began George, “Venonat may have become a Venomoth, but we can still beat it! Use your Iron Tail!” Rapidash jumped up to the still airborne Venomoth, its fiery tail turned to pure white energy. It swung the tail at Venomoth, hitting it hard in the segmented chest. Venomoth looked to be at breaking point.

“If you’re going to go down, Venomoth,” mumbled Rhoda, “You’re going to go down with a bang! Use Silver Wind!” she shouted. Venomoth’s wings began to glow a silvery white. Beating them at great speed, it shot a large whirlwind made of silver sparkles to Rapidash. It scored a direct hit to the fire-type’s back. Rapidash flinched at the power of the attack.

“Would you look at that, folks,” said Luther, “Venomoth gets its first hit of the match on Rapidash. This battle looks like it could go on for a long time now!” George suddenly stopped smirking.

“I don’t think so!” he shouted, looking at Rhoda, “Rapidash, use Bounce now!” Rapidash jumped high, overtaking Venomoth and still gathering height. “Now, stop and use Stomp!” Rapidash stopped gaining height and began to drop at an amazing speed, finally slamming into the airborne Venomoth and crashing it to the ground.

“Venomoth, try and get it off you!” cried Rhoda, sensing her Pokémon’s pain while Rapidash was on top of it.

“Now Rapidash, use your Fire Blast!” shouted George. Again, Rapidash began generating intensely hot energy in its mouth, aiming it at the close range Venomoth.

“Now I’ve seen everything, guys!” shouted Derek, in awe, “Rapidash is using the most powerful fire-type attack again, but this time at close range. This means it’ll be there in the explosion. Is that really a smart move?” Rapidash let off the fireball again, hitting Venomoth in almost no time at all. The explosion was huge, sending smoke all around the field, hiding the rocks from view. Rhoda looked at the smoke with passion, hoping that her Venomoth had survived. When the smoke cleared, Rapidash could be seen, standing valiantly. Venomoth was on the floor, completely knocked out.

“Return Venomoth, you did great,” said Rhoda, returning it to the Pokéball.

“Oh my god, folks!” shouted Luther in disbelief, “Venomoth is out of it, but Rapidash seems stronger than before!”

“That’s because of my Rapidash’s ability,” stated George, “Flash Fire causes all fire attacks to make Rapidash stronger and healthier!”

“Well that was a smart move then, guys,” said Derek, “And now both trainers have lost one Pokémon and there doesn’t seem to be any advantage between the two fierce competitors.”

“It’s your turn now,” said Rhoda, picking another Pokéball from her waist, “Come on out, Dodrio!” When the light cleared, a tall Pokémon was left behind. It had brown fur on its body, with feathers at the back for a tail. Its legs were muscular, showing it to be a runner. Off the body were three necks, going into three similar heads, covered in the same fur as on the body, their long beaks protruding from the skull.

“Doooooooo!” it shouted in a high pitched voice. Upon seeing this, Rapidash seemed to let down its guard a little.

“Oh my god, folks!” shouted Luther, “Would you look at that Dodrio, using Growl before its trainer ordered one. It may be poorly trained, but knowing Rhoda, we still may see some good things in this battle!” Rhoda looked a little embarrassed.

“Dodrio!” she shouted, “Start things off big with a Tri Attack!” Dodrio obeyed, moving each of the three heads away from each other to form a triangle shape. Each beak opened, creating energy in each. The energy began to take form as fire, electricity and ice, each going along the triangle shape to form a green triangle of energy. Dodrio shot the triangle off, which began spinning towards Rapidash with magnificent speed.

“Rapidash, get out of the way!” shouted George. Rapidash ran to the side, narrowly dodging the green energy triangle. “That’s great Rapidash, now use Frustration!” Rapidash looked hatefully at George before dashing towards Dodrio and ramming into it.

“Wow, that was one strong Frustration attack, guys,” said Derek, “And as we all know, Frustration gets stronger the more the Pokémon dislikes its trainer, so Rapidash must really hate George!” Rapidash snorted, looking at George with a smirk. Dodrio was injured, but it could still stand, waiting for a command from Rhoda.

“Dodrio, stand up straight and use Uproar!” shouted Rhoda, getting back into the match. Dodrio opened all of its beaks once more, but this time, small sound waves came out of it, hitting the surprised Rapidash.

“Looks like Rhoda is making a little comeback, folks,” said Luther, impressed by the first battle of the tournament.

“Rapidash, use your Agility again!” shouted George. Rapidash once again began moving at an intense speed. Dodrio didn’t even seem to be trying to follow it.

“Now Dodrio, Uproar again!” shouted Rhoda with a smile. This time, slightly larger sound waves protruded from the beaks, just slightly missing Rapidash.

“Rapidash, Quick Attack!” yelled George, a little stressed. Rapidash began moving so fast towards Dodrio, that a long wave of energy formed behind it, until it came face to face with Dodrio.

“Now Dodrio!” cried Rhoda. Dodrio opened the beaks again, shooting a huge sound wave from each, knocking Rapidash off its hooves, and slamming it into a rock on the field. The power was so strong that it shattered the rock and knocked Rapidash back into another one.

“Did you see the power of that Uproar, guys!” shouted Derek, hardly sitting on his seat. Rapidash didn’t look too good, struggling to get up.

“Rapidash, use Rest now!” cried George, thinking on instinct. Rapidash stopped struggling and lay down. Now sleeping, Rapidash was vulnerable to any attacks that Dodrio had, even if they were inaccurate.

“Dodrio, Drill Peck!” shouted Rhoda. All three beaks began to spin fast, with Dodrio moving closer and closer to the sleeping Rapidash.

“Oh no folks,” said Luther, “This could be the end for Rapidash!” George began to smile, looking down at Rapidash’s face, seeing one eye slightly opening. Rapidash winked at George.

“Right, I understand,” he said, quietly. As Dodrio came further towards Rapidash, George continued to smile. Dodrio was right next to Rapidash now, moving its beaks lower. “Now Rapidash, Fire Blast!” Rapidash quickly turned its head and shot another fire ball at Dodrio. The ball exploded on the immediate contact, sending smoke around the field once again.

“I think we’ve seen this scene somewhere before, guys,” said Derek, fidgeting in anticipation. It was true, the same thing had happened to Venomoth and Rapidash in the previous part of the battle. The smoke began to clear, but no forms could be seen in it.

“Come on Dodrio, be standing,” said Rhoda, hoping for the best. The smoke finally cleared and both Pokémon were in the exact same positions as they were before the Fire Blast. Rapidash was lying down with its head tilted up, mouth open and Dodrio was standing with its beaks placed near to Rapidash, even if it looked a little singed. “Yeah, that’s how to show them Dodrio!”

“I think you should look a little closer,” said George. Dodrio was still standing, for a while. After a few minutes of seeing the renewed and strengthened Rapidash get to its feet, Dodrio collapsed and fainted. Rapidash had won, again. The crowd went mental, cheering for George as loud as they could.

“Return Dodrio,” said Rhoda, putting Dodrio back into its Pokéball, “You did great.”

“I wonder what Rhoda’s last Pokémon will be, folks,” said Luther, waiting for something good. Rhoda pulled out another Pokéball and threw it into the air.

“I choose you!” she shouted as she threw it. The Pokéball opened and the intense light came out, reflecting on both trainers faces. Both George and Rhoda didn’t want to give the battle up, and neither would go down without a winning fight…


Hunter

 

[DANdotW]

Okay, so there's still no more comments on my story, but at least there are still views. That means someone out theres reading this still, I suppose. Well, I have just finished the third chapter, which this story never got to in it's original. Hopefully you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I swear, you can lose yourself in writing, because I had to think of where I could end this, otherwise I would have wrote to the end of the battle, and I don't want to finish it in this chapter. Right, a little character history in this, and some characters we have already seen are introduced in this. Hope you like it.

Chapter 3

The light cleared and a pink gooey creature, with eyes and a mouth was left behind.

“Rhoda has chosen a Ditto as her third and final Pokémon, folks” said Luther, “And what a strong Ditto it looks.”

“Rapidash!” shouted George, looking calmly at the Ditto, “Smash it with your Stomp attack!” Rapidash galloped over towards Ditto, pushing its front hooves forward ready to hit it.

“Quickly Ditto, Transform!” yelled Rhoda. Ditto automatically began to change and grow, taking the shape of Rapidash, right down to the size of the horn and intensity of the tail flames. “Now, use Agility to get out of the way!” The Ditto, now in the form of the fire-type Rapidash, zipped out of the way of the Stomp, causing Rapidash to slam into the rock floor.

“Rapidash, turn around and use Fire Blast!” cried George. Rapidash quickly turned and made another ball of fire in its mouth, shooting it at the Ditto in the form of a Rapidash. It hit Ditto, exploding and sending smoke over the field.

“Oh my, guys,” said Derek, “I can’t see anything in the battlefield.” The smoke was so thick, even the trainers couldn’t see their Pokémon.

“Ditto, use Agility to blow the smoke away!” shouted Rhoda. Ditto once again began to move at an amazing speed. The way Ditto was moving caused the smoke to clear, showing a tired Rapidash and a healthy Ditto, in the form of a Rapidash.

“What, how can Ditto be alright after that attack?” questioned George.

“Ditto transformed into your Rapidash,” began Rhoda, “therefore, it copied all the attacks it knows, plus it copied your Rapidash’s special ability, Flash Fire!” This brought awe to the raging crowd, and also a slight applause from George.

“Well done, Rhoda,” he sneered, “But will you be able to handle this? Rapidash, hit it with a Quick Attack!” Rapidash began speeding towards Ditto with a trail of searing energy behind it.

“Ditto, use Quick Attack too!” Ditto used its Rapidash speed to pull off the exact same attack as Rapidash was doing. The two collided and collapsed to the floor.

“Hmm!” grunted George, in obvious annoyance, “Rapidash, Overheat!” Rapidash seemed to clue in and began powering something up between its jaws.

“Wait for it Ditto,” said Rhoda, calm as could be. Rapidash let out a huge burst of flame with a pink tint, pulsing towards Ditto. “Now Ditto, Double Team!” Ditto looked up, just before it split into a circle of clones. The Overheat hit a clone, which disappeared on contact.

“Wow, would you look at that folks!” shouted an amazed Luther, “Ditto just used a powerful Double Team and completely foiled George’s plan to use that massive attack. As we all know, when Overheat is used, it gets weakened.”

“Rhoda, you stupid *****!” George shouted at his opponent, “Trust a stupid woman to completely destroy an attack with that kind of magnificence. Oh well, even if it is weakened, my Rapidash still has enough power to obliterate your stupid copycat! Rapidash, Flamethrower on all the clones!” Once more, Rapidash opened its mouth to release flames. However, these times, instead of a wave of pinkish blaze or a spiral or heat, a large stream of flames were exhaled from the ‘Fire Horse’ Pokémon. They blasted through the clones, until there was only one left.

“Idiot, huh?” Rhoda asked, looking slightly surprised at his sexist outburst, “Ditto, use Bounce before the flames hit you!” Ditto obeyed immediately, jumping sky-high out of the Flamethrower’s reach.

“Oh my god, look how high Ditto has gone,” came the deep voice of Derek.

“Ditto, Sunny Day,” ordered Rhoda. Ditto looked fiercely up to the sun, which responded by greatly intensifying itself. “Now, go quickly into a Solarbeam!” Ditto didn’t even need to charge. It turned its horn down towards Rapidash, shooting a huge ray of pure, natural energy at the poor creature from the tip.

“Rapidash, try and dodge it!” shouted George, but the Fire-Type was already blinded by the brightness of the new sun, therefore it was hit by the full blast of a super-charged Solarbeam.

“Now, turn that Bounce into a Stomp attack!” yelled Rhoda, gaining quickly in confidence. Ditto quickly sped down towards the fallen Rapidash, smashing its hooves into the Pokémons side and breaking the rocks below.

“Rapidash, Quick Attack from the ground!” cried George, desperate to keep this battle in his favour. As soon as Rapidash had knocked down Venomoth, he had an inkling it was going to be a good battle, and when Dodrio also fell, he thought the battle was in the bag. But how this Ditto had stole his Pokémons form and still managed to beat him befuddled his mind. Rapidash managed to shove forwards into Ditto, sending it back slightly.

“Now Ditto, knock it back down with Iron Tail!” shouted Rhoda. Ditto listened, quickly turning the fiery tail into a pure energy, then slamming it across Rapidash’s face. Rapidash was knocked down into the earth once more. It managed to stand slightly, before Rhoda caught the glimpse in its eye. “It can still battle? Well, we’ll have to stop that. Ditto, Hyper Beam, now!” Ditto looked viciously at Rapidash, building up a strangely coloured energy inside its Rapidash mouth.

“Hyper Beam?” questioned George, “Hey, how come you’re using that move! My Rapidash doesn’t know it, same with Solarbeam and Sunny Day! How can you use moves I haven’t even taught mine yet?”

“I’ll tell you,” Rhoda began while Ditto built up more energy, “When a Ditto transforms into a Pokémon, it gains all their abilities, including their ability to learn new moves. For this reason, Ditto has the possibility to use any move said Pokémon is capable of learning, giving it a wider move pool than the original.”

“Wow, even I didn’t know that, guys!” exclaimed Derek, seemingly ashamed, “I’m actually quite ashamed. But at least now we can all stop questioning why George never thought of the ‘Sunny Day/Solarbeam’ combination. We can also stop wondering why he never used Hyper Beam in both of Rapidash’s battles thus far.” Ditto had finished.

“Ditto, let it rip!” shouted Rhoda. Ditto shot a huge beam of bright orange energy that cleaved the field until it approached Rapidash. Time stood still for George as he saw the final attack on his Rapidash this battle. He knew it was over, and so did Rapidash, as it showed no intention of resisting defeat. The beam knocked Rapidash into a wall near the Referee’s position. He held up the red flag, shouting:

“Rapidash is unable to battle!” George seemed upset for a minute, but then pulled himself together and seemed almost happy while he looked at one of the two Pokéballs he had just pulled out.

“Wow,” awed Luther, “This must be one of the best opening battles I have ever seen. They’re really both going for it, aren’t they Derek?”

“Yeah, Luther,” stated Derek, in complete astonishment.

“Return, Rapidash,” said George, returning the Pokémon for a well earned rest inside the ball. He lifted the other, throwing it wildly across into the field. “Come on out!” As the Pokéball emptied of light, a smirk appeared on Rhoda’s face. It cleared to reveal three metal spheres in mid-air, with horseshoe magnets all around. It was Magnemite, the ‘Magnet’ Pokémon.

“Oh my god, this battle is over!” yelled Rhoda, almost laughing, “Steel-Types are extremely vulnerable to Fire-Type attacks, and with Sunny Day, any Fire attack Ditto throws will be extra strong.”

“Ha, my friends said it was a mistake to teach Magneton this technique back when it was a Magnemite,” said George looking at his most recent Pokémon, “But I’m about to prove them wrong. I’ll prove you all wrong! Magneton, use Rain Dance!” Magneton looked at George with acknowledgement, before creating a small ball of blue energy in front of itself and flinging it high into the air. When it reached a certain height, the sun was almost instantly covered by huge rain clouds, taking the power of Sunny Day away.

“This proves nothing,” started Rhoda, “All it means is that my power boost is gone. This doesn’t mean you -“

“No!” shouted George, cutting his opponent off, “It actually does make a big difference, Not only does it take away your power boost, but it also powers up all Water-Type attacks. However, with rain comes water, and with water comes a huge supply of conduction for Electric-Type attacks!”

“What a unique way of looking at this, don’t you think folks?” asked Luther. The crowd seemed to groan in agreement.

“I don’t care what boosts what, I will win this here and now,” said Rhoda, “Ditto, use Fury Attack, now!” Ditto sprinted towards Magneton, thrusting its great horn at the foe.

“Quickly Magneton, use Protect!” shouted George. Magneton instantly created a shield to block the attack from Ditto, in its Rapidash form.

“Ditto, change that into a Hyper Beam!” shouted Rhoda, almost desperate to win.

“Magneton, counter that with your strongest Zap Cannon!” George ordered sternly. As both Pokémon began storing energy, the crowd stared in anticipation.

“Wow, they’re both using extremely powerful attacks at the same time,” stated Derek, “Let’s hope they don’t create too big an explosion!” Magneton had static running completely over its body, taking away its vision, but it was ready first, sending its attack zipping across the field with immense power. Just a few seconds before the attack would hit its mark, Ditto released its Hyper Beam. Both attacks collided. A power struggle took place, one where both Pokémon were forcing more and more energy at the opponent.

“Neither of those Pokémon are going to give up are they?” a familiar young boy said to an even more familiar grown man.

“No,” said the grown man, his voice as arrogant as when the boy first met him, “They’re quite evenly matched. See, with the strength Ditto has already lost in its battle with Rapidash, it has come to an equal stage with Magneton. This must show Rhoda that her Ditto was worlds stronger than Magneton to begin with. Anyway, may I ask why you are still following me, Ryan?”

“I’m sorry, Oscar,” said the young boy known as Ryan, “It’s just that, I need someone to talk to, and you seem a lot less stuck-up than everyone else around here.”

“Why thank you, Ryan,” smiled Oscar, “Even though you’re incredibly wrong, I’ll graciously accept your compliment. Now let’s pay attention to the battle at hand.” Back on the battlefield, the struggle was still staged, but Ditto seemed to be weakening.

“Stop!” both Rhoda and George called in unison. The attacks slowed down, finally stopping. They both knew that they couldn’t win using those attacks. Ditto was tired from using Hyper Beam again, while Magneton looked slightly phased, but nonetheless battle-ready.

“Magneton, use Lock-On!” shouted George. Magneton looked carefully at Ditto, never once blinking or letting itself be distracted. “Now, Thunder!” Magneton unleashed a huge ray of electricity, which tore apart the battlefield as it made its way towards Ditto. Rhoda looked slightly worried as the impending attack came closer and closer to the worn out Ditto…


Hunter

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Wow. I don't think I've seen such detailed and prolonged pokemon battles before. You might be onto something here.

Eh, with all this creativity and continually stunning display of pokemon battle skills, I found the commentating rather drab in comparison. Sections like this:

“Wow, even I didn’t know that, guys!” exclaimed Derek, seemingly ashamed, “I’m actually quite ashamed.

are rather silly. It just sounds kinda lame to have Derek saying exactly what you've already said - and with the same words. If you really wanna emphasise that he's ashamed, at least change one of them. Mebbe:

"“Wow, even I didn’t know that, guys!” exclaimed Derek, embarrassment evident in his voice, “I’m actually quite ashamed."

would be better? Eh, change it how you will, but I do think it needs changing. There were a few other 'iffy' bits of dialogue... it just didn't sound natural. Might I suggest saying the words to yourself from the point of view of the character and asking yourself if, in that situation, that's really something they'd say and, if yes, whether that's the way they'd say it.

And maybe some of the dialogue might be changed from spoken words to what a character is simply thinking. For example, with the 'Compound Eyes' bit, would anyone actually question whether Compound eyes was an actual attack? Perhaps Rhoda had taught Venonat to perform an existing attack differently or a new method of attacking or to combine to attacks or
*insert other option for attacking that normal here*. Surely 'new attacks' in any form would be common - if not expected - in the higher ranks of the league, so why would any one question a new command?

Even more to the point... why would Rhoda explain the new command? Wouldn't that be giving away her strategy and allowing her opponent to counter it? At several points, your competitors explained the 'tricks of the trade' they were employing. That strikes me as being either very arrogant or very silly (probably both).

Oh, and on the topic of what your trainers say... why would a pokemon to attacking before its trainer told it to be a sign of poor training? It strikes me as a sensible thing to do - to teach a pokemon that when it comes out into battle, it's to start off with a certain attack depending on the opponent. Not only would it give the pokemon a head start, it would give it the element of surprise, since the opposing trainer wouldn't hear the attack being ordered and get a chance to counter it.

Eh, most of these are my opinions on pokemon battles. Feel free to disregard, though I hope they'll be of good use to you. Anyway, your battles are highly entertaining, fluid and original. Apart from jazzing up the commentating, perhaps describing the way the pokemon look as the battle and move and fixing those few punctuation errors, I reckon what you've got so far is showing a whole lot of creativity and skill. ^^ Awesomeness. Good luck and fun with the next chapters!

Piney.
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[Wind Waker]

I really am enjoying reading this fic battles are my favourite part so I can just sit back and read the good stuff, congratulations hunter!

 

[DANdotW]

Wow, thanks a bunch, Pinecone Tortoise. I am actually beginning to get tired of Derek and Luther myself actually, so it might not be a bad idea to spice up the commentaters.

Lol, the thing with those lines... They're meant to be like that. It's me trying to have a couple of characters who kind of know that they're begin written, like umm. I can' think of an example, but like when there is a Narrator who says "Our heroes are travelling the forest and they're hungry" and then a character saying "I'm so hungry" or something like that. True, it didn't come out as clearly as meant, so you're extremely right about me changing words from time to time.

For the Compound Eyes thingy, it wasn't really a new attack, just the Ability, which, as Rhoda says, all Venonat can do, so I didn't really deem it as a new attack. Same as Flash Fire and Ditto's ability to use the entire Movepool. It's not meant to be a sign of new attacks, just to show that I'm incorporating Abilities and some new ideas into the story.

I'm not sure what parts you mean about the trainers dialogue, but the main reason that it doesn't flow vrey well is beacuse I've been very stupidly concentrating on the battle, which is why the Commentaters seem out of place, because most of the time I forgot to put some in.

In any case, I'm glad you like it. You too, Wind Waker. Next chapter might take a few days, since I have to concentrate on some Media coursework today, and I'm out tomorrow. But persevere everyone, there are more where this came from. I have finally got over this stupid writers block!

Hunter

 

[MaskedManAbsolkid]

Good, I liked the strategy you've put in this, but I dislike the re-use of phrases such as 'Oh my god'. The commentators are boring IMO, and try not to make it so that there's about 4 chapters per battle.

 

[DANdotW]

Thanks, Former Absolkid. Yeah, like I said in my last post, I do agree that the Commentaters are getting quite stale. And that actually made me laught, because I looked at the chapter I'm writing now and "Oh My God" has been used at least twice, off my head. Don't worry, this was just an opening battle, so I had to make it really good. And four chapters is a long battle, I suppose. The next battle definately won't take this long, as the character I have win it is going to be my Gary-Stu who thinks he's all that until he gets his comeuppence at some point. So the next battle will be very short. Three chapters at most, and that's if I push it.

Hunter

 

[IceKing]

Well, I haven't forgotten that I owe you a review quite yet (even though you requested last summer XD) and this fic is definetely much better than 3 stars. The battles are described very nicely, though there's a bit of an excess of corniness at times. Tournament fics are always lovely, but you have to make sure to have a realm outside of the constant battling.

Well, the fic starts out by immediately being pushed into the battle. I think it would have been better if you gave a bit more background information as to what this tournament is about. Is it a league battle? Is it just a huge Kanto tournament? Who organizes it, ect. I'm assuming teh winner of Rhoda-George battle will be a main charachter. George's cocky attitude is a bit cliched (and then getting his just desserts), be sure to not have too many cliched charachters. Rhoda reminds me of Ericka a lot, I like her much better.

Also, I'm a bit troubled that the only pokemon that showed any form of a personality so far was Rapidash. Pokemon are more than just battle-bots, they do have emotions and feelings, ya know? Be sure to express that, incorporate their emotions and feelings into their text. And try not to go with the cliched personalities of pokemon all the time (angry gyarados, happy Chansey, stupid Psyduck...)

As for the actual battles themselves, they are really described lovely. I really cannot say much more than that, but it is true. My personal favorite scene was when Rapidash stomped on Venomoth and used a direct Fire Blast on her. However, one thign that is REALLY irking me (two things actually) is the fact that the commentators, Luther and Dereck, are complete idiots and don't know much about pokemon XD If they make a living off of pokemon battling, they should know what compound eyes is XD I know why you make them like that, so that you can explain to use of some moves (incorporating abliites is nice and original btw) and ablilties through the dialogue of the trainer, but it's rather corny and animeish. It would probably better if you incorporated the explanation of strageies in text rather than in charachter dialogue, because the latter sounds so god dang corny XD

“Fools,” she began, talking loudly into her microphone, “Compound Eyes is a special ability that all Venonat have. It focus’s their eyes to improve their accuracy dramatically. Now Venonat, use Psybeam!” After its eyes had focused using its Compound Eyes ability, Venonat jumped into the air and shot a rainbow coloured beam from its eyes, shooting over towards Rapidash.

See? She just gave away her strategy to George XD And the fools thing had me laughing.


Apart from that, remember to make sure this fic has a good plot out of non-stop battling. Don't make it to corny though XD Also, be sure not to have too many pokemon evolving within tournaments, that woudl be a bit too corny as well. I must comment that I LOVED the way you used Venonat, he didn't have to be a Venomoth. I was thinking "She's sending out an unevolved pokemon? Pssh!" but you pulled off Venomoth really well.

This quote irked me as well XD Though its not at you, its at the idiotic commentators.

“Oh my God, folks!” shouted Luther, “Would you look at that Dodrio, using Growl before its trainer ordered one. It may be poorly trained, but knowing Rhoda, we still may see some good things in this battle!” Rhoda looked a little embarrassed.

Hey! That makes him poorly trained for having a mind of his own XD He needs to be shot! Oh, and God should be capitlized since it's a name.

Grammar and spelling is really good as well, I caught very few errors, and only one actually stuck out:

It cleared to reveal three metal spheres in mid-air, with horseshoe magnets all around. It was Magnemite, the ‘Magnet’ Pokémon.

I beleive you meant Magneton, it's easy to mix the two up.


Overall, you have a very good fic on your hands! Just be sure to avoid corniness and have a good plot. Also, didn't this fic revolve around two gay pokemon trainers struggling for acceptance or something last time? Or was that another one of your fics?

4.25/5


EDIT: Stop reviewing all the fics I plan on reviewing, Piney XD

 

[DANdotW]

Wow, cheers IceKing. That was Human, but that went off a bit when I got writers block. Should be back soon, when I've got far enough with, or even finished this.

I really enjoyed writing the Venonat(and Venomoth)/Rapidash battle, so I'm glad you enjoyed that one most. And you're right, Derek and Luther should be a lot smarter. I think I'm going to totally rethink their characteristics, such as making them more knowledgable and maybe even getting them to explain stuff that happens outside the battle.

There is a slight plot outside the battles, but it's mainly just a plot of different characters developing themselves, such as Ryan and Oscar. There is a lot of emphasis on their progressing friendship throughout the fic. There isn't really a main character, although I suppose Rhoda could be counted as a major character, since I plan on her going far and maybe even appearing in further volumes. And thankyou, I planned on the whole ability thing being original, since I view them as attacks, but not attacks if that makes sense.

It's wierd, I never planned on having much personality when I first wrote it, but the first time this was posted Rapidash was commented on a few times. I think this might be because of the will to live? Or maybe the tension between him and George? If it was the latter, I planned on panning that out a lot more. But now I plan on giving a lot more peronalities as we go through. Also, I'm glad you liked what I did with Venonat, but do not worry, there won't be many more evolutions, if there are any more.

Well, you'll be glad to know, the Rhoda/George battle has been finished in what I'm writing as the fourth chapter. Also, I've got some character development for the cocky George, the innocent Ryan and the snobby Oscar. Also, the beginnings of the second battle are written so far. I have a question though. What do you think about battles? Shall I have some of them from halfway within, or would that make it more of a PoV fic, as oppose to a third person fic?

Hunter

 

[Wind Waker]

I think it would be good to write in-depth battles but start other battles towards the end, so we can see all or most of the battles in the tournament go ahead.

hehe lol Pm be the way hunter!

 

[DANdotW]

I think it would be good to write in-depth battles but start other battles towards the end, so we can see all or most of the battles in the tournament go ahead.

So you think I should show all of every battle? Thankyou.

hehe lol Pm be the way hunter!

I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, but I'm sure it meant something about PM's.

Hunter

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

For the Compound Eyes thingy, it wasn't really a new attack, just the Ability, which, as Rhoda says, all Venonat can do, so I didn't really deem it as a new attack. Same as Flash Fire and Ditto's ability to use the entire Movepool. It's not meant to be a sign of new attacks, just to show that I'm incorporating Abilities and some new ideas into the story.

I know that Compound Eyes is an ability - and I like the way you've thought to put abilities into battle. Interesting and fresh. But what I was meaning was that trainers might be expected to use new attacks (or attack combos) to confuse the opponent and decrease the chance of the new attack/combo being countered.... so why, if new attacks/combos are to be expected would the commentators be surprised when a trainer orders an 'unknown attack'? Well... at any rate, I assume that it's only logical for trainers to come up with new and surprising attacks and combos... you may not see it that way and prefer to stick to the canon. *shrug* Personal pref.

I'm not sure what parts you mean about the trainers dialogue, but the main reason that it doesn't flow vrey well is beacuse I've been very stupidly concentrating on the battle, which is why the Commentaters seem out of place, because most of the time I forgot to put some in.

Most of what I meant about the trainers' dialogue was that it seems very silly for someone in battle to explain the secret of their success to their opponent before the battle is over. Telling your opponent the tricks you're using simply gives them a better chance of countering it. It's the same idea as the new attacks/combos - trying to find a method of defeating your opponent that your opponent doesn't understand and therefore cannot counter.

^^ Hope that explains things. ^^

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[DANdotW]

Thanks for your opinion, PT. I'll try and take some of your advice in hand.

Hunter

 

[Avenger Angel]

You said you wanted a review, so here I am. Sorry about the delay in my timing.

• How much I really, honestly, and truthfully enjoyed the story based on my personal opinion. (7.5/10) I liked it quite a bit, a good sign whenever I read a story is when I don’t check to see how much is left or glance at the scroll bar, wondering when it’s going to be over with. That didn’t happen in this one. My only thing against it is that it’s another Trainer kind of fan fiction, and doesn’t really bring too much new material to the fan fiction table.
• How much I liked your description. (8.25/10) In my opinion, the description is very good. Whenever you read this, you start picturing it in your mind like it’s really a part of the Pokémon anime. However, I noticed this quality kind of dims down toward the end. You described your trainers and Pokémon as well, which is really good.
• How much I liked your characters. (5.5/10) Rhoda and George have a nice little bit of description in the beginning and you get a good hint of their attitude in during the battle, but that’s it. This fic is like the Pokémon battle of their lives, yet neither Rhoda nor George really have a history or background to them, so you really don’t care who wins out of the two. It’s kind of hard to feel with the characters this way. If it was up to me and this battle was all I wanted to focus on in the story, I’d still give both Rhoda and George a short 3-paragraph history and background so the reader knows what they went through to get to this point, and how much of a struggle their journey was. If you do that, then the reader will get a better idea of who Rhoda and George really are, and with deeply developed characters like that, it will make the battle that more interesting.
• How much I liked your plot and setting. (3.5/10) Pretty much, a Pokémon stadium and a battle. Don’t mind me, but this is a really typical sight and a typical situation. Your description did a nice job of making even a dull and typical setting even more interesting, but it would have been nice to see a different look and feel to the stadium itself. The battle plays out well but it doesn’t have the suspense I was quite looking for. The explosions are big and leave everyone in the story wondering which Pokémon survived the attack, but it just seems like it happens too often to the point where you easily predict that they’ll both be okay, and usually you’re right.
• How much realism was in the story. (7.25/10) Some things were a little iffy, but in general, the battle seems pretty realistic. Venonat/Venomoth seems to survive through a lot more than he should be living through, almost making wonder at one point if Rhoda and/or her Pokémon had some kind of bizarre magical power to them that were hidden from the naked eye. Ditto also seems to be quite a bit on the strong side as well, but Rapidash seemed equally powerful.

It’s good in my opinion, better than just the 3 star rating that it has right now. It just feels like it’s missing quite a few things that would make it more interesting to read and get a feel for.

Good luck with it.

- Neo Pikachu

 

[DANdotW]

Thanks a lot, Neo Pikachu. I'll take pretty much all of your advise under my belt.

Well folks, chapter 4 is taking longer than expected (mainly because I can't be bothered to carry on yet) but it shouldn't take too long.

Hunter