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Tread: Embodiment

Manulya

Terror of Death
Humans have not tread lightly on this earth. We can change this by changing our ways.


Chapter One- Visitor of the Past

“Watch out!” a young boy yelled out to the group of people on the sidewalk ahead of him. Before they had a chance to react, the little boy pushed his way through the crowd, a small light blue elephant trotting happily at his heels. “Come on Dneiper. They’re catching up.”

“Phan, Phan, Phan!” the Phanpy said, and went into an all out run. The boy looked back quickly, only to find noone but simple pedestrians walking about. Deciding it was now safe, the boy stopped to catch his breath.

The boy’s name was Tobias or “Toby” Feris. Even at age six, Toby was small for his age, and was constantly mocked for it. He was a pale boy with light blonde hair, giving him an albino appeal, and could always be found with a smile on his face. In the small city of Nikel, Toby and his friends were well known for causing mischief despite their young age and one of them could always be found being scolded somewhere about Nikel.

Toby looked down at Dnieper, who was now examining a bench with his trunk. It had been nearly a year since he had caught the Phanpy, and was admired by many for catching it at such as a young age. When asked what he wanted to do once he was older, Toby’s automatic response would be ‘to be the best’. Before they had a chance to explain what he had meant, the boy was already off causing havoc somewhere else.

“That was a close one Dnie-” Toby was cut off as a barrage of seeds struck the ground next to him, causing Dneiper to jump into it’s trainer’s arms. The boy was already at his feet, looking for where the attack had come from.

It took a moment, but Toby found his attacker on the roofs of one of the stores across the street. The attacker was another boy, a few years older than Toby, riding a Breeloom. The spore Pokemon launched another Bullet Seed attack, this time hitting where Toby was standing.

By now, Toby had thrown Dneiper down to the ground, and the two were running with all their strength towards the edge of the city. The other boy and his Breeloom hopped off the roof, and followed in pursuit.

“You thought you could escape, eh Toby?” the other boy mocked, using Bullet Seed again. Toby felt one of the stray seeds hit his leg and knew he had to hurry up.

Toby and Dneiper dodged each attack, but each one was getting closer and closer. He was almost where he had wanted to be, but the younger boy was afraid he wouldn’t get there in time to initiate his plan.

Toby remembered how the fight had started. He and his usual group of friends were messing around near the higher grade kids during recess that day. Toby’s closest flunky, Ivan, had remarked that Toby could beat any of the people at the school. The praise gave Toby an excuse to boast about his superior battling skills until one of the older kids became angry and challenged him to a battle. Toby had happily agreed, glad to have the show the chance he was better than the older kids as well as the ones his own age. He was beginning to regret that now.

Finally, one of Breeloom’s Bullet Seed attacks hit the small elephant Pokemon and the Phanpy stumbled and fell to the ground. Toby stopped to check on his Pokemon, and was relieved to find it was okay. Looking at the area around him, he decided it was time to begin.

“And you thought you could beat me? And you’re battling like this?” the older boy laughed mockingly and hopped off the Breeloom. “Well now it’s time to end this and show the others how pathetic you really are.”

“Finish?” Toby actually let out a laugh that infuriated the older boy. “Look where we are.”

“So what? It’s just a bunch of sand,” the other boy replied, growing angrier and angrier at Toby’s cocky smile. The area Toby had let them to was nothing but sand and a few pebbles. “Not much you can do here.”

“I guess,” Toby said, his smile growing wider. “Dneiper, use Rapid Spin.”

The Phanpy curled up into a ball, and began to spin. He dashed off, heading towards Breeloom, with sand being thrown up behind him. The Breeloom effortlessly hopped out of the way, and the other Pokemon continued to roll past. Dneiper turned and rushed towards Breeloom, which once again dodged.

“Is this your master plan? I guess it’s the most you can expect from a baby like you,” the other boy snickered. “ Okay Breeloom, Mach Punch!”

The grass Pokemon rushed out with it’s fist extended, but failed to hit the rolling Phanpy. It tried again and again each time resulting in a failure. The Phanpy spun around the Breeloom in a circle.

“Faster. Faster!” Toby yelled out and the little elephant obeyed. It spun faster and soon a vortex of sand grew around the Breeloom. The sandstorm lifted the grass Pokemon into the air then threw it to the ground, unconscious.

“You....You...” the older boy couldn’t finish his sentence. He ran forward at Toby and tackled him to the ground. Toby was scared, he had never been attacked before, but knew he had to do something. Instinctively, he kicked out with his leg as hard as he could and made contact. The other boy fell to the ground, grasping his crotch and screaming out with pain.

If he wanted to make sure the boy wouldn’t attack him again, Toby knew he had to finish it for good now. The six year old boy climbed to his feet, and kicked the other boy again and again in the chest, harder each time. The older boy was in too much pain to even cry out, as Toby continued his onslaught.

Toby was about to kick the other boy in the face when he was tackled to the ground by a snarling Mightyena. Toby was truly scared at the sight of the teeth that could tear him apart with ease. Dneiper, seeing it’s trainer in danger, rushed forward and tackled the wolf Pokemon off.

“Recall your Pokemon, young man,” Toby looked up to see that a small crowd had gathered. Looking at the man at the front of the group, Toby assumed he was the Mightyena’s trainer. Doing as the adult had said, he stood to his feet and recalled Dneiper to it’s Pokeball.
“Terry, are you okay?” a girl Toby knew as Rose rushed forward from the crowd and checked on the injured boy. Turning to Toby glaring, she said, “How could you do such a thing?”

The Migtyena’s trainer and a few other men from the crowd lifted Terry up and went back into the city. Not before casting a glare at Toby, most of the crowd dispersed and went back into the city.

However, one man stayed behind and stared at Toby. The man was tall, with reddish, brown hair, dressed in a black suit embroidered with various lines and patterns Toby had never seen before. He had large eyes, that kept looking over Toby, appraising him. Toby had never seen the man before in the city. Stealing one last glance, the man turned and walked back into the city.

With a shrug at the awkward man, Toby glanced into Dnieper’s Pokeball. The Phanpy had a concerned look on it’s face.

“It had to be done, you know that,” the young boy explained to his Pokemon. “ Anyways, be happy. We won.”

Dneiper just gave Toby a glance, and curled up into a ball to rest. On the inside though, Toby was secretly scared about what he had just done. He had never acted like that before; what was happening to him?

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People gave the young boy weird, frightful glances as he walked home. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that what he had done had traveled to his parent’s ears and Toby was already thinking of excuses he could use.

Toby walked into his kitchen to find it empty. The boy thought that was weird; his mother was very punctual and at this time for as long as the young boy could remember his mother had dinner on the table.

“Mom? Dad?” Toby called out. No response. Toby listened carefully, and could hear the voices of his parents as well as an unfamiliar voice coming from his living room.

He walked into the living room to find his parents speaking with none other than the man he had seen earlier. The man winked at him and Toby shuddered.

“Tobias, go to your room and keep an eye in your brother,” his mother said and his father nodded in agreement. They would never call him Tobias unless it was a serious issue, so he knew he had to listen. Toby walked upstairs and peered around the corner, cupping his ear to hear better.

“Your son is quite the battler. I witnessed one of his battles earlier and I must say I was impressed,” the stranger said quickly glancing at Toby.

“Yes he is quite good,” the stranger’s remark about Toby’s battling skills had troubled the boy’s father, but Toby failed to notice.

“Now I’ afraid we’re getting off topic. Where’s the map?” the man asked, now serious.

“I don’t have it, I’ve told you that,” his father said, teeth chattering.

“Now why would you lie to an old friend?” the man asked with a laugh.

“We were never friends,” his father said sternly.

“Now that just hurts,” the man clutched his heart mockingly. “But still. Where is it? You couldn’t expect to just run off with the map without us knowing. The only reason we even let you is because your mind is far too curious to just throw away something has valuable as that.”

“Why don’t you leave me alone? I haven’t been a part of that organization for over five years now,” the man pleaded. “I have a new life now, please just go.”

“And why do you think you have this new life?” the stranger asked, gesturing to the home around him. “Did you think we would just let you go? No, once you’re part of the business, you’re part of it for life. But I on the other hand had sympathy for you. I convinced them to let you go so you could have the family you dreamed of. Now, give me the map.”

“You see that?” Toby’s father said standing up and pointing to the unlit fireplace. “That’s what is left of your map. All ashes. Nothing more. Once I knew what you planned to do, I knew I had to destroy it. And now it will never be yours.”

“Fool,” the strange man moved with an almost unhuman-like speed, and struck his father across the face. The smaller man toppled back onto the floor, groggy. Toby’s mother went quickly to check on her injured husband.

“Dad!” Toby yelled out, rushing down the stairs, He released Dnieper from his Pokeball and faced the man. It was an odd sight, the small boy, not even half way grown, against the abnormally tall man. “Dnieper, take down!”

The little Phanpy rushed at the man who simply picked the baby elephant up by the skin of its neck, immobilizing it. Dnieper flailed around, but it was no match for the man’s grip.

“I like you kid,” the man said with a smile. “You have what it takes. But of course that’s no surprise considering things,” He turned to face Toby’s father once again. “I suppose I’ll just have to take your son as collateral until I get the map. Of course you know where I can be found.”

“No....No....No! Daddy, stop him!” Toby screamed as the man picked him up effortlessly in his free hand. Toby’s father did nothing but stare hopelessly at him. They made no move to stop the man from taking their son. “Please....Mommy! Daddy! Please!”

Neither of his parents made any attempts to stop the man as he carried their son out of the house. Toby kicked and screamed, but for no use. Afraid that the boy may attract attention with his screaming, the man placed Toby on the ground and tried to console him.

“It’s okay, little one. You’re just coming to live with Uncle Ezekiel,” That remark didn’t make an change in the boy’s screaming. Ezekiel decided to try another approach. “I asked around about you after the battle earlier. Everyone says you have some of the greatest potential. They also say you want to be the best, am I right?”

This sparked Toby’s interest, and he stopped crying and listened to the man. “How good do you think you can become living here? Look at this place, you’re what? Five? Six? And you are already better than most, if not all, of the people in this town. If you come with me, I can guarantee you’ll become stronger than everyone else not in this town, but all of Hoenn. I could train you so well that you could be the Champion. You want that, don’t you?”

“Okay,” Toby said hesitantly, wiping away the tears from his eyes. “I’ll go with you. But can I say bye to them first?”

“If you really want to,” Ezekiel said with a sigh of relief. “But do you? They knew you were leaving and they didn’t even say anything. They don’t even want you.”

These words sunk into Toby and the boy felt like he was on the verge of tears again. Did his family really not want him? The man had made a point; they didn’t even try to stop him. Toby looked down at Dnieper who had a sad look on his face. The little Pokemon didn’t want to go and didn’t trust Ezekiel. Toby returned the elephant Pokemon back to its Pokeball and shook his head.

“That’s a good boy,” Ezekiel said, and fumbled through his jacket. He took out a chocolate bar and handed it to Toby who eagerly snatched it; he hadn’t eaten dinner to the man’s appearance.

While Toby nibbled away on his chocolate, the man withdrew a Pokeball from his pocket and released a large tree like dinosaur, enormous leaves sprouting from it’s back and bananas hanging around it’s neck. Ezekiel helped the boy onto what Toby later learned to be a Tropius, and climbed on after. The enormous beast flapped it wings and flew up into the air.

It was only after a few hours of flying before Ezekiel pointed out their destination: a large cement facility, the only sign of human civilization in the miles and miles of forest. As they drew closer, Toby could see the facility was bustling with people going about their duties, but all of them stopped as they saw the approaching Tropius.

Toby held Ezekiel’s hand as the man led him into the main building. An assortment of people looked at the pair and Toby’s eyes kept to the ground, embarrassed. They were immediately greeted by an elderly man, whom Ezekiel addressed as Dr. Serenson.

“Who’s this?” Dr. Serenson asked coldly, glaring down Tobias who wished he could just shrink into the ground.

“This is Toby, the newest member of our ‘family’,” Toby couldn’t help but notice the emphasis Ezekiel placed on family. “Why don’t you go over there, Toby?”

Ezekiel pointed towards what almost seemed like a reception area, a few chairs and a table with children’s magazines scattered across it. The scene reminded Toby of the doctor’s office where he used to go. Toby was glad he wouldn’t have to go back there; he feared those needles that the doctor had given him on more than one occasion. The six year old did as the man had said, and walked over to the table and began flipping through the magazines.

“Who is he, Ezekiel?” Dr. Serenson asked in a serious, almost angry tone. “Why did you bring him here?”

“Do you remember Thomas Feris? He was the one who ran off a few years ago with the Cragolem Map a few years ago, as well with some of our projects,” Ezekiel explained. “ Well one of th-”

A large group of scientists barged through the door, making too much noise for Toby to hear the rest of Ezekiel’s sentence. When the group had left the room, Toby saw Dr. Serenson staring at him with the same eyes Ezekiel had after his battle earlier that day.

“Fine, do with him what you wish,” the doctor said in a disgruntled tone. “Remember though, he hasn’t been trained as long as the others and if it doesn’t work out, it’s on your head.”

Ezekiel nodded and beckoned Toby to follow him. The man led Toby to a small door and with a smile said to Toby, “Welcome to your new home.”

He opened the door to see a room with a few bunk beds lining the sides. Two boys were sitting on two of the top bunks and when they saw Toby, began examining him with their eyes.

One of the boys had dark black hair, and Toby thought him to be about six or seven as well. But what set this boy apart from the rest of the six year olds he had met was his physique, far too muscular and lean for a child of such a young age. The other boy was much more frail looking, light brown hair was combed neatly across his forehead and he was dressed in fine clothes, opposed to the other boy’s more casual attire. He seemed to be not much older than the other boy, but had a serious face that made Toby quickly respect him like an adult.

“Toby, this is Joel and Emmanuel,” Ezekiel said, first gesturing to the muscular boy, then to the well dressed boy. “Boys, this is Toby, your new brother.”



Im going to write at end of my fics because if I write at the beginning, I may give away something from the chapter unless Im responding to review( If I get any.)Okay, I feel like working on two fics at the same time so heres my second one, Tread. I'm trying to get the hang of writing, first with the horrible Loyal to The End, then with Human Flaws (Which I will continue to work on) and now with Tread. Tell me how it is, I dont care how much you bash it, only providing that you have decent reasons for doing so. Im not the best proofreader when it comes to my own stuff, so go ahead and kill me. :) I dont like how long this one turned out for a first chapter, Im not sure how the rest will end up being. ;manyula;
 
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Xiang

Well-Known Member
Wow, your fics have a lot in common. Only criticism I can give you is this part:

The sandstorm lifted the grass Pokemon into the air. The small vortex threw the grass Pokemon to the ground, unconscious.

The sentence structure is repeated, ruining the flow. Perhaps you could connect these two sentences, if you know what I mean.

*puts stamp on you* Read one of my fics now! Nah, just kidding, but I would really appreciate it. :)

:D
 

Manulya

Terror of Death
Of course Ill read one of your fics. Just let me finish the schoolwork Im supposed to be doing right now and then I will. And as for my fics being common.....well I just like the lack of parents but this one will turn out to be much different from the first one. I was going to have this be the prologue because this is the only time that Toby will be at this age, but I decided against it. It didnt have the prologue feel to it. And as for the sentence, ill make sure to fix it. Thanks
 

Ace Kenshader

Dreaming sexy
I responded yo you're PM and this story is pretty good, better than good.
 

Manulya

Terror of Death
Chapter Two- Corruption

“Let’s go,”Ezekiel said as he threw a Pokeball towards the middle of the field. The ball struck the ground and a light flashed, a large floating head appearing where the ball had landed. From the creature’s crystallized head protruded two black horns, both ending in a point sharp enough to impale anything that made contact with it. With its two large eyes, it glared at Ezekiel’s opponent; a mere child but not too far from becoming a man.

“Glalie,” the ice Pokemon growled in an attempt to intimidate the boy. The boy was unaffected, and met his challenge by tossing out a Pokeball of his own.

The boy’s Pokemon revealed itself to be a mere baby elephant; its skin a lighter blue than usual due to the lack of exposure tosunlight, but other than that; a normal specimen for it’s type.

“Dnieper, Head butt,” it’s trainer wasted no time in ordering out an attack. The Phanpy ran forward and leapt into the air towards Glalie. Ezekiel quickly ordered a dodge and the ice Pokemon narrowly avoided Dnieper’s attack.

“Not wasting any time are you, eh Toby?” Ezekiel smirked at the boy who answered with an aggravated look. “Oh yes, I forgot. It’s Tobias now, isn’t it? Too grown up for nicknames I suppose. All well. Now back to the battle: Glalie Ice Beam.”

A beam of bluish light burst out from Glalie’s mouth, and arched towards Dnieper. Tobias didn’t even attempt a dodge and allowed the Ice Beam to strike his Pokemon head on. Despite the type disadvantage, Dnieper still stood, though slightly fatigued.

“Dnieper, Rapid Spin into Rollout,” the boy called out, ignoring the immense damage his Pokemon had just endured. The Phanpy began to roll in place, gathering up speed, before it shot towards Glalie at a speed too fast for the ice Pokemon to dodge. Dnieper struck Glalie and it hurtled through the air, coming to a halt as it hit the opposite wall.

“Glalie get up,” Ezekiel ordered his Pokemon. With some struggle, the ice Pokemon regained its composure just quick enough to avoid the Phanpy’s next attack.. “Good, now Blizzard.”

The air around Glalie all condensed into a thick snow and began flying around the battlefield. Within seconds, the entire arena was covered in snow and the floor was now paved with ice but not one flake of snow was on Dnieper’s body.

This seemingly useless attack put Tobias on his guard. He knew there had to be a point to the attack, even if he had not seen it yet. Tobias looked at Ezekiel, who had a content smile across his face.

“Confused?” Ezekiel asked with a laugh. “ Hopefully your stupidity won’t affect the battle. Now no time for breaks, let’s continue.”

“Dnieper, same as before; Rapid Spin into Rollout,” Tobias called out, angry about the smirk that Ezekiel still wore on his face. The Phanpy began to spin, but unlike last time, was not able to sustain the spin in place and shot forward unexpectedly. The Phanpy stumbled to a halt and was then struck back by a Head butt from Glalie.

“Enough of that old move, it’s really quite boring to be honest,” Ezekiel said as Tobias realized what the man had did. The ice prevented Dnieper from attaining the balance he needed to use the combination of attacks. Tobias would have to come up with another approach to defeat his opponent. “Took you a while but I think you’ve got it. At this rate, the chances of you passing this test are slim. Now is the time to prove yourself. Now Glalie, Ice Beam.”

“Dnieper, Hyper Beam,” Tobias called out quickly as an attempt to defend himself. A yellowish beam spiraled out of Dnieper’s trunk and collided with the blue beam of Glalie’s. But once again, the ice proved to be of more trouble to Tobias. The force of the Hyper Beam made it hard for Dnieper to stay in place with the lack of leverage the ice had given him. Dnieper slid across the ice, though avoiding the Ice Beam, slumped to the ground as it struck the wall at a great speed.

“I have to say it was fun,” Ezekiel said with a laugh. “But I’m afraid it’s over. Don’t worry though, the others haven’t passed either and this is only your first time. Finish this with Bite.”

Glalie floated over to the motionless body of Dnieper and with a triumphant look, opened its mouth wide as it lowered to bite the defenseless Phanpy. When it came to within just a few inches of its prey, Dnieper’s jumped up and fired a Hyper Beam into Glalie’s mouth, while using the wall behind him to stabilize himself. The yellow beam of energy tore through Glalie, bursting out the other side of the ice Pokemon. Glalie fell to the ground, dead.

Dnieper began to glow brightly and his figure began to twist and turn, not keeping a distinct shape. Tobias had seen this happen to Dnieper several times, and was not surprised as the glow faded away to reveal Dnieper had not evolved.

“Bravo, Bravo!” Ezekiel clapped his hands together, not caring about the ill fate of his Pokemon. “A great end to a most wonderful battle. I have to say- I didn’t think that you’d win the entire time.”

“I’ve been here for years now, Ezekiel,” Tobias said, Dnieper trotting over to stand besides his trainer. “And to be frank; I’m sick of it. You made me a promise when I was a child. A promise I will never forget. You had said that you’d help me become the best. The Champion.”

“And you will be,” Ezekiel replied. “But not now. You’re too young, you won’t win.”

“Too young!” Tobias was outraged and Dnieper began to growl. “Most trainers get to do the Pokemon League Challenge at ten! I’m fifteen!”

“That’s true, but you have also pointed it out on more than one occasion,” Ezekiel said in a perfectly calm voice. “Those who have tried at that age have never become successful.”

“At least they’re out there giving it a chance. They’re doing more than sitting around in a lab growing weaker!” Tobias yelled angrily.

“You think you’re growing weaker?” Ezekiel asked curiously. “You think that you’d be stronger out there?”

“Yes! That’s what I’ve been trying to say,” Tobias said eagerly.

“Well you’re wrong. You’ve lived out there before. You’ve seen it’s horror. People are being killed, beaten, murdered, raped, starved, tortured and much worse,” Ezekiel said in a serious tone that Tobias had never witnessed on the seemingly carefree man. “The Earth is dying. Its inhabitants, human and Pokemon alike, are going to die with it. Do you really think you can beat that?”

“It could have changed. We’ve been here so long, never leaving,” Tobias pleaded. “It could have changed.”

“You always forget one thing- I have left the Complex,” Ezekiel said with a frown. “And I wish I hadn’t on each occasion. The world is growing worse each day. If we wish to fix it, we must be strong.”

“But I am strong! I’m stronger than most,” Tobias shouted. “I beat you didn’t I? That has to prove something.”

“Yes it does. It proves you can beat me at my weakest,” Ezekiel said to the boy’s aggravation. “You can not honestly believe that was my best? If you do, then there’s no surprise why you are not able to leave.”

“But...” Tobias staggered for an answer, but none could come to his mind. He knew that Ezekiel was strong, stronger than anyone he had ever seen battle. But to think the man was only battling at his weakest? Tobias couldn’t believe that. He refused to. But the fresh memory of Ezekiel smiling throughout his battle made him uneasy.

“Don’t worry, you’ll have your time to battle in the League. But not now, are we clear?” Ezekiel asked Tobias. The boy nodded and proceeded to stare miserably at the ground. “But I have a small treat for you. Dr. Serenson is sending a search team down to some ruins underwater. He requested that I send someone to protect his team of less than feeble scientists from any stray wild Pokemon. I would like to suggest you.”

Tobias felt it hard to believe the man. He had had the argument about battling in the league on more than one occasion, each ending with the same result. But the man had never given him an opportunity like this to leave the place he now referred to as the Complex. Ever since his arrival at this facility, the boy had never left the Complex once. Everything had been provided for him; there was no need for him to leave.

“Of course, I’m sure that Joel or Emmanuel would hop at a chance like this. If you’re not interested...” Ezekiel had dropped that bait into the water, and was waiting for a catch.

“Yes! Please!” Tobias bit down on the bait and was quickly ensnared by the man’s offer.

“Then I’ll tell Dr. Serenson immediately,” Ezekiel said as the boy and his Phanpy knelt down and began to grovel. He had no idea how much Tobias had longed to leave the Complex. “In the mean time, go back to your room and work on your studies. Be prepared to leave at anytime.”

“Yes, yes, yes!” Tobias thanked the man and he ran from the room, Phanpy almost skipping besides him.

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1:34 P.M. Tobias stared at the clock, urging the second hand along with his mind. The boy was lying on his bunk, a math book open below him. He flipped through the pages of the book, but the calculus was no longer interesting to him since his mastery of it four years before.

Besides being trained in Pokemon battling, he, Joel, and Emmanuel were also taught basic academics at an accelerated pace. Tobias struggled in a majority of the academics, but made up for it with his unusual battling skills. Ezekiel had taught the boy that battling skills were not enough, and made examples of Joel and Emmanuel who were both fluent in any subject.

1:37 P.M. It had to have been longer than that, Tobias thought to himself and checked the small clock to see whether the clock’s batteries were in properly. Sure enough, the batteries were, and Tobias looked around the room to find something to occupy himself. His eyes laid upon the bunks of Emmanuel and Joel.

The two boys weren’t there, he had no doubt that they were off training somewhere in the Complex. Shortly after his arrival as a child, Tobias learned that the other boys had been there since birth. Neither boy knew their parents and neither seemed to care.

When it came to battling, both Joel and Emmanuel were Tobias’ equal if not superior. Their skill had trumped Tobias’ when he first was brought to the Complex, but he had managed to become a match for the two, much to their displeasure. But neither boy had beaten Ezekiel, but Tobias wasn’t about to be overconfident, because neither had tried yet.

In spite of being brought up together, none of the boys were close friends, if friends at that. They left each other alone, except if they were engaged in a battle or were studying with each other. To each boy, the others were only there for competition and improvement, nothing more. Tobias didn’t mind, after all, he hadn’t come to make friends.

1:43 P.M. Tobias couldn’t take it any longer. He picked up the clock and threw it at the wall, pieces flying through the air. The sound caused Dnieper, who was sleeping on the floor, to wake with a start, and look around for its enemy. When it saw there was none, it went back to sleep.

Besides its refusal to evolve, Dnieper had acted differently since their arrival at the Complex. Scientists had done tests on him, but the boy was sure that wasn’t the reason for his Pokemon’s behavior. As a child, Tobias and Dnieper had been close friends, but now... Tobias didn’t know what happened to the relationship he had once cherished.

Tobias heard a loud creak and he turned to see the door open. He had expected to see Ezekiel but instead the old decrepit figure of Dr. Serenson filled the doorway. The elderly doctor gestured for Tobias to come and after returning Dnieper to his Pokeball, followed the man.

He was led to the other side of the Complex, where a hanger stood. In the hanger, a fairly large plane was being adjusted for liftoff.

“You had better not screw this up boy,” Dr. Serenson said sternly. “You are to only guard my men from any wild Pokemon that may attack them and nothing else. I will not be there to keep an eye over you, but keep in mind, every one of your actions will make its way to my ears.”

“Yes Sir,” Tobias agreed, hardly able to contain his excitement. He had longed for the chance to leave this place, even if only for a short while. The boy wondered whether the world had, in fact, not changed....

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Tobias peered out the small window of the submarine as it began to submerge. The water here was dark and murky; too dark even for him to see more than a few feet out the window. Where ‘here’ was, Tobias didn’t know.

The journey on the plane had been short, and had gone straight to the dock where he and the group of scientists had just departed from. He had been hoping to see a city or two along the way, but the plane had gone over areas untouched by humans.

“Hey kid, move,” one of the submarine engineers ordered him before rudely pushing him out of the way. The submarine was not large, and with at least a dozen scientists and crew, there was little breathing space.

The boy backed into one of the submarine’s corners and stayed out of the way as the adults went about their jobs. For over an hour, Tobias stood in the corner until the vessel came to a sudden halt and sent him and most of the people fling forward.

“We’re there. Everyone get your equipment,” one of the scientists called out and a buzz of excitement rushed over everyone but Tobias. He was never told what exactly these scientists were looking for, and hadn’t at the time cared since it was a way out of the Complex. But now seeing the normally dull scientists excited, curiosity sparked up in Tobias and now he joined the scientists in their excitement.

The group of scientists had forced him to be the first out of the hatch in the event of any wild Pokemon, and then followed behind him. The submarine was in an underwater cavern, the cave’s ceiling a high arched dome. He had at first thought the cave to be lifeless, but after looking closer, saw it was actually full of life rather than empty. Flying up in the dome, Tobias could see the small forms of Zubats gliding from one staglacite to another, each letting out screeches that echoed quietly throughout the cave. In the water was a small group of Spheal, each staring at the submarine with curious eyes. Tobias guessed they had never seen a human for a long time, if ever, living in this cavern.

“Move along,” the voice of a scientist called from behind him and the boy leapt onto the sandy ground with a thud. The rest of the scientists filed out of the submarine like ants, looking cautiously around and glaring at the Spheals who replied with a mocking growl.

Tobias and the group of scientists followed a narrow trail through the cave for what seemed like hours to the impatient boy. Occasionally, a cocky Zubat would appear to battle, but Dnieper would finish the poor little bat Pokemon before it had a chance to retaliate.

Though there was nothing of interest in the small path, Tobias was excited that he had finally left the Complex. He wished there was a way he could get another chance to leave the Complex. Ezekiel would probably give him another chance to leave, but crawling through this cave wasn’t enough to satisfy his lust for the outside. No, wait, Tobias thought to himself. Lust wasn’t the right word for it; he needed to leave the Complex. The same daily routine was literally driving him insane and until now, there was nothing to do about it.

Tobias looked down at Dnieper trotting beside him. The look in the baby elephant’s eye told Tobias that it had been thinking the same thing. They knew what they had to do.

Tobias and Dnieper fell towards the back of the group, their movements undetected by the now bustling scientists. The boy simply looked as his Pokemon, and Dnieper trunk began to glow. It aimed its trunk at the ceiling and unleashed a Hyper Beam. The large spiral blast of energy struck the ceiling, and the path began to fall in on itself forming a thick wall of debris and a cloud of dust in front of him.

Picking the worn out Phanpy in his arms, Tobias ran down the path with all the energy he could. He didn’t have a doubt that the scientists were prepared for an emergency rockslide and wanted to get as much distance between them and him as fast as possible.

“What was that noise?” one of the submarine engineers asked as Tobias approached the area where the submarine had been docked.

“Dnieper, Hyberbeam just one more time,” Tobias called out and another blast of light erupted from his Pokemon’s trunk, and collided the side of the submarine. The blast hardly did any damage, but the sheer force threw the ship back.

Tobias needed a way out. Ignoring the advice of Ezekiel and the others at the Complex, the only Pokemon he had risen was Dnieper and the small Pokemon was far from able to guide him through the water. He heard frightened yelps and remembered the Spheals he had seen earlier.

They had retreated out of the water onto the land, and now were casting frightened looks upon Tobias. The small seal Pokemon would have to do for now. He grabbed one of his five empty Pokeballs from his belt and threw it with all his strength at the crowd of Spheals. Tobias didn’t care which one he caught, at this moment he’d take anything.

The Spheals scattered when they saw the red and white blur hurtling towards them, but the Pokeball still found contact with one of them, and in a flash of light, there was one less Spheal in the crowd.

The Pokeball rolled back and forth, the button blinking red as the small Spheal tried to escape. Tobias wouldn’t allow that to happen and leapt upon the ball, holding it closed with his hands. There was one last beep and the blinking stopped. Spheal had been caught.

Quickly, he returned Dnieper to his Pokeball and tossed his freshly filled Pokeball into the water. The Spheal cocked its head as the boy hopped into the water and waded into the water. Spheal yelped in surprise as Tobias grabbed the small Pokemon by the ears snd the Spheal yelped in surprise.

“Go down, now!” Tobias ordered the Pokemon. The Pokemon did nothing but look at its trainer, still annoyed that its small little ears were being grabbed. Tobias racked his brain; he knew there was an attack for it. If he wasn’t under so much pressure he was sure he could remember. The boy tried to focus, but the yells of the sailors were making it hard for him. Finally, the name came up in his mind and he didn’t hesitate in ordering it out. “Dive!”

This order Spheal did recognize and pulled itself and Tobias under the water, the boy hardly getting a chance to catch his breath. He couldn’t see through the dark water to direct the Pokemon, but the Spheal seemed to know where it was going. The trainer and his Pokemon were suddenly sucked out of the cavern into a large current. The current was too strong for the tiny Spheal to handle, and both him and the Spheal were thrown about in the vacuum, Tobias hardly holding on to Spheal.

By now, the boy was out of air and couldn’t keep his mouth closed any longer. Air infested the boy’s mouth and nose, and Tobias tried his best to stay conscious. The lack of air overcame him and he fell into darkness....

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Back in the cave....

“He’s dead,” the lead scientist declared, taking his hand off his dead comrade’s wrist. “That little ****.”

“At least he’s the only one who died. Why did Serenson send that little psychopath along with us anyways?” a female scientist answered, wiping the dust off her jacket. The woman looked over at the small yellow armored rat, Sandshrew, that was cutting away at the debris Tobias had created.

“Good thing that Ezekiel told us to bring along the Sandshrew. We’d be trapped without it," the lead scientist said, following the woman's gaze. And to think we weren’t going to bring it. To think if he hadn’t insisted on us bringing it before we left....”



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Wow. I actually tried really hard on this chapter and I think it paid off. I like it much better than any other chapter I've written and this one I think has alot less mistakes. Im pretty proud of myself so someone come and tear it apart! ;manyula;
 
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Xiang

Well-Known Member
The boy’s Pokemon revealed itself to be a mere baby elephant; its skin a lighter blue than usual due to the lack of sunlight, but other than that;

Instead, how about lack of exposure to sunlight? Lack of sunlight isn't really....specific.

before it shot towards Glalie at a speed to fast for the ice Pokemon to dodge.

to=too

Glalie fell to the ground, dead.

Dead?! Whoa.

“I’ve been here for years now Ezekiel,” Tobias said, Dnieper trotting over to stand besides his trainer.

Comma before Ezekiel and after now.

Wow. That was really unexpected. Description at a great level. Can't wait for the next installment.

I need to brighten up sometime.
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
You have some interesting names in this one. I'll say that this doesn't start with such a hooking premise and Human Flaws, but it has a nice tone, but in the end, seems very much like Flaws. The names are some of the coolest I've run into, and I love Dniper - awesome little Phanpy. A few spelling grammatical mistakes littered throughout your narrative - though you do a nice job with the battle descriptions.

Is English your first language? From your AIM SN, I'm guessing that your first language is Spanish, but I could be wrong.

The Phanpy vs. Glalie was a very interesting battle. Don't see Glalie used often. ^^
 

Manulya

Terror of Death
Yeah, I kind of needed the Glalie to die and neither Tobias or Ezekiel to even care about its death, just to show how Tobias has changed even though I didn't have much to show Tobias before moving to the Complex. I needed a Glalie to be in the fight because of the type disadvantage to show how Dnieper's strength had risen. I like Glalie, but wouldn't mind seeing it die because it's one of the few Pokemon I can imagine that doesn't have blood and meets my other requirement. Yeah,as for the names, I just like Biblical names, with the exception of Tobias. I know it doesn't immediately grab the reader as my Human Flaws did, but I feel I'm doing a better job when it comes to emotions. Oh and just a note: this will not turn out to be a fic about Tobias going to each gym, though the next few chapters may suggest it, but I am completely against that for this fic.

Thanks for the reviews, I've already made the proper corrections and will continue to work on this as well as the other fics I have going. So.....Cya for now ;manyula;
 

Overwhelming_Latias

Well-Known Member
Very original piece of work here! :D

Good Points
-There seems to be a very... Stockholm Syndrome air to the story, and I like that idea. Tobias seems to prefer life with Ezekiel over life at home. Odd, but very cool.
-You describe battles amazingly well. Ezekiel's mocking tone made the situation that much sweeter.
-Some nice characters here. Tobias almost seemed like a Gary Stu at first, but seeing him battling Ezekiel sent that viewpoint right out the window. Excellent means of showing his flaws.
-Generally well written. Correct use of paragraphing and punctuation.
-The time thing was really effective, be sure to use that again sometime. :)

'Bad' Points
-A few typos, but they've already been pointed out by previous reviewers. (and no doubt edited by now)
-Characters could be fleshed out a bit more, and there could be more description outside of battles.

If English really isn't your first language, then I am immensely impressed. You get fics from English/American authors who write atrociously, and yet you write fluently and consistently. That's damn impressive.

Keep up the good work.

-OL
 

Manulya

Terror of Death
You have no idea how much I feared that he may accidently become a Gary Stu and rewrote the chapter several time just to avoid that one possibility. At this time in the fic, Tobias is cocky and thinks he's the best, but his skill in the outside world will.....well you'll find out. Pretty much everything you said was true, and your second bad point will be cleared up in the next chapter which I am almost halfway done with but won't be posted until Friday.


Well anyways, thanks for the review Latias and I have taken everything into consideration. ;manyula;

Oh and a side note: English is my first language, my screen name which is SenorConejo or MrRabbit in Spanish just tends people to think otherwise. ^^ ;manyula;
 

Manulya

Terror of Death
Its taking a really long time to get the new chapter up, but with February Vacation coming up, I hope to get at least two chapters up, but this alst week I've been swamped with work. Just updating to disperse any doubts about this threads dispersal. ;manyula; Sorry for the double post
 
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