Trial By Fire

[Overwhelming_Latias]

Alrighty, here's my fic, 'Trial By Fire'. It's a revision of a fic I wrote a few years back, whcih was deleted when my account was (damn inactivity). So here it is...

Please don't just read and move on! I'd prefer it if you rate, review, suggest, criticise... just no spam.

I've put these here so you can easily find the chapter to read without wading through reviews and the like!

Prologue
Chapter One: Wrack And Ruin

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RATING

Violence: Some ‘light’ battle scenes, other stuff I wouldn’t wanna spoil ;D

Gore: Some blood is spilt.

Sexuality: None.

Profanity: None.

Other: None.
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PROLOGUE

Hard rain began to cascade upon the quiet, humble town of Azura, relentlessly assaulting the small buildings that sheltered the townspeople; pelting the Pokemon Gym which stood tall and proud; dripping from the pewter statue of King Iagos, ruler of Kaishu.

Iagos reign was a most celebrated one, spanning over half a century. When he arrived in Kaishu, he was a normal Pokemon trainer fresh on the ferry from Hoenn, with only his trusty Ursaring to accompany him. At that time, Kaishu was a country overwrought with violence and death, and Iagos quickly fought to restore peace and order to the war torn nation. His honourable deeds were rewarded when the country’s people elected him their King.

Now however, Iagos was an old man, retired from public life. He resided in a large house, constructed atop a majestic hill that stood prominently from the green pastures that surrounded it. Miltank usually grazed around the hill, but the rain had led them to seek shelter. From this position Iagos appeared all-seeing and all-knowing to his subjects, possessing a view of the entire town below him, as well as the surrounding plains.

Azura itself was a small town, separated from the busy cities of central Kaishu. It was the only place that had offered Iagos any solice when he first arrived, and it seemed the just place to live the rest of his life. The townspeople had constructed the statue in honour of him: their fair ruler.

The rain began to grow heavier; casting a damp, dark cloud over Azura. Fog began to thicken, making visibility poor; exactly the conditions that Aeros was hoping for. She was crouching by the town’s gym, gazing intently at the large estate up the hill. She was patiently awaiting the signal to proceed, one that hadn’t been delivered for over twenty minutes.

Aeros sighed. Her grey eyes glittered in the moonlight despite her long hair covering them. She swept her raven-coloured locks from her pale face, splashing the already wet man knelt beside her. He growled at her, but did not speak. As the boss’ second-in-command, challenging Aeros was akin to challenging him, and thus the man thought better of it.

Draco looked up at ‘Royal Hill’. His own face, normally dark and ominous, had blanched from the intense rain. His cheeks tinged pink as he spat bitterly, his white hair ruffled by the wind that swirled around the hill and over the horizon. He suddenly froze. An armed guard paced past him, patrolling the hill. In one quick, fluid movement, Draco leapt from his cover and dragged the guard to the ground, unsheathing a small dagger.

Iagos turned from his desk, disturbed from his work. His face showed weariness unlike no other as it tensed up, his wrinkles growing more visible as he did so. He rose from his chair, and moved to the window. A wicked night he thought, as he looked down the hill.

Aeros sighed again. The rain was petering out, and their cover was fading away. It was now, or never. She climbed to her feet and sprinted up the hill, past a bewildered Draco, a Pokeball clutched tightly in her pale hand.

A long slender arm rose straight into the air – Draco has issued the signal to advance, just as his apprentice had darted past him. He watched her barge into Iago’s mansion, heaving the thick wooden doors aside. There was a dull thud against the stonework, and Draco realised that the silence was broken; the plan had to continue.

Iagos jumped as he heard his study door swing open, and turned from the window. A young woman had burst in, soaking wet, her black trenchcoat clinging to her figure. She was pale; he couldn’t ascertain whether that was natural or due to the weather. One feature clearly stood out; her cold grey eyes, gazing intently at him. He noticed a Pokeball in her hand.

“Yes?” Iagos inquired calmly, a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice as he picked up a Pokeball from his desk. “May I help you citizen?”

“Yeah, actually,” she hissed. “I want to try my luck against the famed Iagos.” With that she threw the Pokeball in her hand to the ground. It hit the hardwood floor, and a small black creature appeared in a haze of red. It rose to it’s hind legs, and proceeded to paw a pinkish jewel just above it’s eyes, an ear of similar colour twitching nervously.

Iagos chuckled, before promptly following suit with his own Pokeball. A large bear-like Pokemon materialized beside him. It’s soft, brown fur bristled up slightly, and it began to pound one massive paw into the other. A dull, golden ring-like marking glinted in the lamplight. Aeros gasped, and her Sneasel drew her claws hesitantly.

“Ursaring, show her what we do to intruders!” he called. The great bear responded immediately, throwing itself at his opponent. Sneasel deftly rolled aside as Ursaring toppled into his master’s desk, the pine splitting under his weight. Sneasel managed a quick slash of her razor-sharp claws.

“Excellent work Sneasel! Now try an Ice Beam!” Aeros cackled, a surge of confidence flowing through her. She saw Ursaring rise to his hind legs, roaring in anger. Sneasel readied itself for attack, shards of ice gathering at it’s mouth. And suddenly it stopped. Ursaring’s golden, circular marking was glowing profusely.

“An honourable try girl, but she’s hypnotized now!” Iagos told her, matter-of-factly. “And now, you lose.” Ursaring seemed to read his master’s thoughts, and he struck Sneasel with claws drawn. The blow connected, instantly lifting the dark Pokemon from the floor and into a bookshelf, a trail of blood following it. Books hit the ground and buried Sneasel instantly. Aeros has lost.

“That’s enough” uttered a low voice from the doorway. “You don’t have enough experience to defeat him Aeros”

Draco emerged from the doorway, and stood between his apprentice and Ursaring. “You should have waited…” he grumbled. Aeros started to speak, but he raised his hand. She fell silent.

“Another challenger?” Iagos asked lightly. “Why not?”

“Indeed” Draco chuckled, as a large dark cloud passed through him, before materializing into a bipedal, purple-skinned Pokemon with large spikes protruding from it’s back and an even bigger sneer on it’s face. It’s haunting red eyes glowed eerily.

“Ursaring, Rock Slide!” Iagos commanded. The bear stamped the floor several times, rocks and plaster tumbling from the ceiling. However, before they could hit the ghost Pokemon, it dissipated into a cloud again, the stone and plaster forming a small pile on the floor. The dust settled, and the ghost reappeared, it’s sneer broadening.

“Show him we mean business” Draco whispered. His Gengar vanished again, leaving Ursaring bewildered. The bear span round, roaring frantically as he searched for his opponent. Suddenly Ursaring staggered for a moment, before crashing to the ground. The ghost returned, hovering above the bear’s body, a thick patch of crimson drenching it’s golden brown fur.

“Truly inspiring Gengar!” Draco cackled, before turning to Iagos. “Now. Him”

Iagos attempted to shield himself as Gengar launched itself at him, teeth bared, poised to attack…

 

[foxkitty]

*claps* Awesome OL, just awesome. What a cliffhanger.

 

[Overwhelming_Latias]

I'll post the first chapter once I've recieved a little more feedback. Its all typed up, I'd just rather know that I had a readership before continuing.

Thanks for your review foxkitty. I appreciate the reply, however short or long it may have been.

-OL

 

[Saffire Persian]

Personally, I felt you should not have left this Prologue on this kind of cliffhanger.. not in the middle of an attack. It's a Prologue, I'd like to have some kind of 'closure' feeling to it - not this continuation like an episode of Pokémon would have. That's my only critique, except for the idea I thought the last bit with the battle with the Sneasel only to be interrupted and joined by an Ursuring seemed a little bit too faced paced for me.

If you would like a banner, PM me the details and I can make you one.

 

[Overwhelming_Latias]

Thanks for the critiques Sapphire Persian. The fight between Sneasel and Ursaring wasn't interrupted though... Aeros was defeated, and the battle was over. Draco arrived to 'save' his apprentice. But I take your point. I'll keep the fast-paced action to when it's needed.

I'll PM you soon about that banner. Thanks.

-OL

 

[Brian Random]

I’ve read this fic before it got deleted but now it’s back and I’m glad about that. Now onto the review…

I like the prologue. Interesting start because you got a couple of people wanting to capture or kill a retired old man for unknown reason, meaning that the readers would like to see why in future. I hope the plot thickens soon.

I also liked the way you done with the battle scene. Shows that age and experience can overcome youth and agility when in a battle.

Spotted a few grammar/spelling mistakes here and there. Like this one…

There was a dull *thunk* against the stonework

‘Thud’ is a proper word for a sound effect when someone gets hit. There would be no need for stars(*) either.

It rose to it’s hind legs

Sometimes this word doesn’t need an apostrophe. This mistake appeared more than once.

Apart from the mistakes you’re doing a good job.

Overall chapter score: 4/5

 

[Overwhelming_Latias]

Thanks for the review. I'll post up the first chapter asap. I'll also correct those mistakes... they obviously got past MSWord's spellchecker. Thanks again!

-OL

 

[Overwhelming_Latias]

Alrighty then. Here's the first chapter, sorry about the wait. Any problems, lemme know.

Read, review, suggest, criticise... but most importantly, enjoy!

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RATING

Violence: Yeah quite a bit here.

Gore: Alot. Blood, bodies... alot.

Sexuality: None.

Profanity: The odd 'crap' or 'damn'

Other: I'd say this chapter is probably not for the squeamish... so be warned kids.
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Chapter One: Wrack And Ruin​

The fall of King Iagos marked the dawning of a new age for Kaishu. Where there was once prosperity, there was now poverty; where there was freedom, there was now fear. The twin cities of Alen and Tohjo become ghost towns overnight, with citizens preferring to remain indoors then confront the shadows that stalked their streets.

This news had not yet reached the village of Saplint, a quiet mountainside retreat for old-aged trainers and their families. Separated from civilization by two huge mountains and expansive woodland, Saplint’s citizens rarely heard any news at all, which actually suited them just fine.

Of course, not every citizen enjoyed the tranquillity of Saplint. Chaos always finds a way of disrupting things, even in the most peaceful places: a Stanler drinking at the edge of a bubbling steam may find itself a tasty meal for a Feraligatr: a Pidgey returning to her nest may find a pesky Sneasel stealing her eggs. Just like destiny and fate, chaos cannot be controlled, only tolerated.

This was true of Aaz, Saplint’s teenage tearaway. He was a small kid, yet nobody actually realised that he was sixteen. He was one of those boys who looked far younger than he actually was, an aspect of himself that he utterly hated. He sought respect and recognition from his elders – to be treated as an adult. Yet his parents always told him he had ‘Peter Pan Complex’… he just couldn’t grow up and act his age.

That was over eight years ago. Aaz’s parents were gone, and his grandfather had taken the boy into his custody. Aaz never knew what had happened that fateful night, and it was a vivid thought that haunted him everyday since.

A gentle breeze rustled the short grass at his feet, each blade performing a small dance as it weaved over them. It ruffled his long brown hair, covering his dark hazel eyes as it whistled past. He swore. His hair was always a mess, never remaining in one style for more than a few days. Yet the wind had ruined the previous hour-long mission in front of his bathroom mirror. "Great" he sighed. Just great.

The wind had picked up a little, and the boughs of the trees began to shake, their leafy children fluttering to the ground. Aaz always liked autumn. It wasn’t like spring, where new life blossomed and his damn allergies always worsened; it wasn’t as hot as summer, where the villagers of Saplint travelled to Lagoona, Kaishu’s own seaside resort; and it most certainly wasn’t like winter, where the twin mountains of Frost and Sleet unleashed a harsh barrage of snow and ice on Saplint. He enjoyed seeing the Teddiursa gather berries for their upcoming hibernation; to observe the Taillow collecting branches to fortify their nests; to watch Mrs. Peterson’s Meowth leap into a mound of dead leaves. Autumn suits me just fine.

He brushed his hair from his face, and climbed to his feet. The wind was growing stronger, and he zipped up his jacket to keep himself warm. His hands slid into the pockets, and he began to pick at a hole that had been growing for some time. Those damn Dustox.

Aaz kicked the ground as he walked back up to his grandfather’s wooden shack, which stood proud and resilient against the blustery weather. Nothing exciting ever happened in Saplint. All of the bad things that he had ever done; theft, vandalism; it had all lost it’s charm. He was a young adult trapped in a village he no longer liked, yearning to step out into the big wide world.

“Y’know, we could always burn Ms. Thatcher’s roof again”, his friend Matt bemused. He was taller, older and stronger than Aaz. He commanded a presence that Aaz almost admired, though he would never tell that to Matt’s face. Together they were the gruesome twosome; partners in crime; rebels to the core.

“No thanks”, Aaz sighed. “That lost it’s charm the second time we did it…”

“Oh come on… you LOVED to see things burn in the past”, Matt complained, as he fumbled for a cigarette. “What the hell has happened to you?”

Aaz considered this question for a moment. It was true, he did love to see fire. But that was during his time as a Pokemon trainer. He thought of his Slugma, and how it relished in the opportunity to use it’s flamethrowing capabilities. How he and Slugma had ruled Saplint by fire. The good old days.

“Life is boring now Matt”, Aaz moaned.

“You never seem to want to do anything anymore! You’re no fun dude.”

“Thanks for the inspiration” came Aaz’s retort. His friend lit his cigarette and headed off to the Pokemon Center.

Aaz missed his Slugma. It was rare that a trainer would have his or her license revoked, and yet both Aaz and Matt had managed the feat within a week. While his friend had earned back his license, Aaz was no longer motivated to do so. He remembered his grandfather taking Slugma’s Pokeball from him, his wrinkled face filled with disappointment and regret.

“I’m sorry… sorry… sorry…”

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“Is that you Aaron?”, his grandfather’s voice called, as the teenager unzipped his jacket and hung it up. The boy sighed, “Yeah”.

His grandfather emerged from the kitchen, and hobbled after Aaz into the lounge. He wasn’t so sure on his feet anymore, he owed that to the war. Back then he was Sergeant Bedrin Streicher, and he commanded respect from his superiors and underlings alike. And now he was taking care of a teenage troublemaker. Youth just don’t respect their elders anymore.

“Where HAVE you been?” he questioned. “Out causing trouble? Leading that friend of yours astray?”. He was old, too old for looking after a teenage boy. But he had no choice. Ever since the incident, Aaz had been living with him in Saplint. Almost nine years.

“Actually no. You need to chill out Gramps” the teen sneered, slouching into the sole chair by the fireplace. The flickering flames illuminated his face; his grandfather looked saddened at the sight. He could see that the boy hadn’t been sleeping of late; his eyes looked weary, and his eyelids opened and closed drowsily.

“Hmmmmm…” his brow furrowed. “I would like to Aaron, but you don’t give me any rest at all. You’re a problem, and it’s as simple as that. Your parents would be very disappointed in you”. He paused for a moment. That comment was a bit harsh.

“Ya know what? I’m sick of listening to your crap! You preach to me about being good, I don’t care!” Aaz began, his argument picking up pace. “You go on about your goddamn war, I don’t wanna know about it! And you bring my parents into this…”

“You know what I meant”, Bedrin sighed. “Your parents had high hopes for you, I have high…” he trailed off. Aaz had already stormed out, the wooden front door rattling as he left.

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Darkness had fallen, and many of Saplint’s residents had gone home for the night. Aaz dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and looked down at the ground. The wind had settled down, but the aftermath was all around him. The path was marred with fallen leaves; the moonlight glowing above gave them a dull, auburn sheen. His footsteps were followed by a series of thick crunches, as the dead crumbled beneath him.

Aaz also enjoyed nighttime. In the past it was the time for fun, and he would readily commit crime under the dark sky’s cover. Now, without his Slugma, it became a time for reflection. He would often sit in the small meadow at the foot of Saplint, gazing up at the stars, tracing the constellations.

He stopped at a gate and promptly leaped over the broad, splintered wood. A thick, sweet aroma filled the air, and Aaz could see many tiny spores floating lightly above the grass. Something bumped against his leg, and he turned to see an Oddish dance past him, it’s leafy head shaking from side to side.

The meadow was a grazing place for Pokemon, and Aaz would often see them resting amongst it’s pastures. They favoured the open-air, the soft grass and sunlight, things that the forest surrounding Saplint didn’t offer. A thick fog was developing over it’s trees.

Aaz collapsed into the grass, and stretched out in sheer pleasure. The softness of the grass caressed his cold skin, and he looked up into the night sky. He traced the constellations with his forefinger; Tauros was clearly visible, with the Great Horn burning brightly amongst the paler stars. A shrill hoot echoed above him; a Noctowl gazed into his eyes from it’s lofty perch, before spreading it’s large brown wings and taking flight, cutting through the fog that seemed to have drifted from Taciturn Forest.

He thought back to Bedrin taking his Slugma. Aaz felt that the manner in which he treated his relative was justifiable; if he had to suffer, so should his grandfather. That was a year ago.

Aaz sighed heavily, and took a good long breath, inhaling the fresh mountain air. He exhaled slowly, and then inhaled again, this time allowing the coldness of the air stay in his mouth. Aaz loved that feeling.

A shrill cry suddenly filled the air, causing Aaz to sit up. A shadow was stumbling towards him, and then it quickly fell to the ground, hitting the grass with a softened thud, mere feet away from Aaz. The teen climbed to his feet and peered through the murkiness.

The villager was none other that Elsie Cartwright, owner of the small store where villagers shopped, though she was better known for being a tittle-tattler. Aaz had stolen from her shop many a time; sweets, money, magazines; and she had always scolded him, reporting his crimes immediately to his grandfather.

She was dead. Thick, scarlet blood trickled from her body; her back showed several lacerations which had cut cleanly through cloth, skin and muscle. Whatever had killed the woman had done the job. Her head was contorted to the side, her grey hair covered her face.

Aaz crouched down by her body, and brushed the hair aside. Startled he threw himself backwards, distancing himself from Elsie’s corpse. He covered his own face, shocked and disgusted.

Her visage had been burnt. Aaz recalled the woman as looking quite youthful despite her years, with fewer wrinkles that other old residents of the village. He couldn’t even distinguish anything now; her nose had completely melted, the skin and muscle now just smoldering gently around a large skull cavity; her lips were still there, but they were blackened and her teeth were dissolving in their sockets.

Elsie’s eyes had shocked him the most. They seemed unharmed by the flames, and her darkened pupils reflected the flickering flames that danced on her skin. They seemed as though they were going to burst from their sockets as she seemingly glared at the young teenager. That’s just sick… Aaz thought.

He turned to vomit into the grass; the sight of the body had been too much. He continued to vomit into the grass for a few minutes, his body weakening as more energy left him. Drained, he rolled over onto the grass, the smell of his vomit mingling with the sweetened scent of Elsie’s remains; he couldn’t smell the Oddish anymore.

Above him, he heard voices coming from the forest. He stumbled to his feet, but collapsed back into the grass, sapped of all energy. He could make out several burly figures in black emerge from the forest, led by a more lithe figure with long, flowing jet-black hair. They seemed to be accosted by numerous four-legged, sleek black Pokemon. They had large, curved horns protruding from their heads, that much he could see. He also thought he recognized small bone-like markings along their backs, but the fog impaired his vision.

Aaz watched in horror as the Pokemon began to blow thin sheets of fire onto the thatched roofs of Saplint’s houses, setting them ablaze. Villagers began to appear from the substantial black smoke that was developing. He crawled along the ground, trying to see the action more closely.

The citizens of Saplint huddled together in fear of their lives. The black-clad figures were closing in as a figure moved from the huddle in defense of his friends; the old man cast a Pokeball to the ground, and a small yellow rodent materialized in a haze of red before him. It’s jagged, thunderbolt shaped tail struck the ground defensively, and it’s ruby red cheeks crackled with energy.

“Polka, go with Thunderbolt!”, the familiar voice croaked. It was Bedrin, Aaz’s grandfather. The old man’s brow furrowed, his wrinkles accentuating as his loyal Pokemon’s cheeks emitted a loud crack, and a surge of electricity shot from them, striking the advancing dark Pokemon.

The first Houndoom pacing forwards was hit squarely in the chest by the lightening attack, and it promptly collapsed to the ground, shaking violently as small currents of electrical energy coursed over it’s body. Paralysis, Aaz thought to himself.

The waves of Houndoom continued to march on, and everytime his grandfather’s Pikachu issued an attack, it grew weaker and weaker. The lithe figure seemed to realise this, and they whistled loudly, the Houndoom stopping in their tracks.

“You’ve fought valiantly old man, but your Pikachu is no match for us all”. Aaz was surprised. The voice was female, and it remained cold and harsh as it addressed his grandfather. “You’re all a threat to our master, and your freedom in Kaishu is at an end”. Her hand pointed at the huddled villagers, and the dark Pokemon continued towards them.

Aaz close his eyes tightly; he daren’t open them. Piercing screams resonated in the air, mixing with the crackling of the raging inferno of the village.

----------​

Aaz opened his eyes, and rose groggily to his feet. His eyes adjusted to the light; it was morning. He rubbed his aching head, and then gasped. The once proud village of Saplint was now a smoldering wreckage of ruined house and dead bodies. He could see his own home, now just a pile of blackened wood and ash.

Climbing over the meadow fence, he sprinted over to the lifeless form of his grandfather’s Pikachu. It’s soft, yellow fur was blood-stained, and he noted several deep puncture marks along it’s body. “Crunch”, the teen whispered softly.

He started to cry uncontrollably. Despite everything he had done, despite the crimes and the aggression, he still cared for his grandfather, who wasn’t anywhere to be found. Aaz searched the ruins in vain, hoping for some closure on the matter. He saw the body of Arthur Watt; the corpse of Agnes Genevieve; but his grandfather’s was nowhere to be found. Many of the bodies were scorched black, their features marred by flame. He could be any one of these.

Aaz slowly realised that everything he had every held dear was gone. His grandfather, his home, his best friend: gone. He was alone in the world, and nothing he could do would change that.

He could no longer stay in Saplint; there wasn’t a single home to use. He had no choice but to leave. Generally, the children in Saplint were advised not to enter Taciturn Forest without a Pokemon; the dangers of the forest were well documented in village lore. He knew without his own Pokemon he would not last long in the woodland, but that was a bridge he would face when he came to it.

Settling on this notion, he turned and walked slowly down the path to the forest, leaving the only thing he had ever really known in his life behind him.

 

[Brian Random]

Hi, OL. Here’s another one of my reviews...

The action was an eye opener in this chapter. Like I said before, one of the ways of writing a good fic is to leave in suspenseful moments and you did that by placing in a trainer to control a bunch of Houndooms to destroy a village, again, for an unknown reason other than a war veteran that might be a threat to this organisation that the woman was talking about.

I also enjoyed the descriptions of the actions, personalities and emotions of the characters, especially Aaz... nice name, BTW, because it reminds me of another word. I hope that he gets to the bottom of this soon.

I spotted a couple of mistakes though.

not every citizen enjoyed the tranquility of Saplint

This word is spelt with two ‘L’s.

where the villagers of Saplint traveled

‘Travelled’.

“You never seem to want to so anything anymore! You’re no fun dude.”

‘Do’.

Other than those mistakes, I think that you’ve done a good job.

Overall score: 4/5

 

[Overwhelming_Latias]

Argh. I hate MSWord.

I will correct those mistakes right now.

Thanks ALOT for the review BP, it means alot to me that I have at least one loyal reader.

Yes, there is a rather ominous connection between the attacks on Iagos and Saplint. That'll be revealed soon though.

Oh and what word does his name remind you of?

Keep up your work also mate.

-OL

 

[Manulya]

Review for the Prologue

Ooh Ahh. I really liked it but Id like to point out a few mistakes.

challenging Aeros was akin to challenging him, and thus the man thought better of it.

Not quite sure what it is. Aching? Asking? Confused me a little.

Iagos turned from his desk, disturbed from his work. His face showed weariness unlike no other as it tensed up, his wrinkles growing more visible as he did so. He rose from his chair, and moved to the window. “A wicked night” he mused, as he looked down the hill.

You can seperate the dialogue from the rest of the paragraph.

“Yes?” Iago inquired calmly, a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice as he picked up a Pokeball from his desk. “May I help you citizen?”

Mispelled his name.

He sighed heavily, and took a good long breath, inhaling the fresh mountain air. He exhaled slowly, and then inhaled again, this time allowing the coldness of the air stay in his mouth. He loved that feeling.

Use either his name or a different pronoun. It sounds repetitive.


;manyula; You could work on the battle scenes a little better but other than that, the fic was AWESOME. PM me when more chapters are added

 

[Overwhelming_Latias]

Not quite sure what it is. Aching? Asking? Confused me a little.

It's supposed to be akin. The grunt is angered somewhat by Aeros flicking her waterlogged hair his way. He knows that challenging her about the situation is futile, as she is second-in-command to the boss and thus confronting her would be like (or akin in this case) confronting Draco. I'm really sorry if that did not come across the right way.

Future battles will be better than the previous two. I felt that the Prologue's battle could have been better, but I didn't want to have such a quick-paced scene in the Porlogue. As for Chapter One, that battle is supposed to be short: I guess it's a way of showing that no Pikachu (okay, maybe Ash's) can last an onslaught of Houndoom.

As for the rest of your qualms, I'm editing them as soon as I finish this post. Thanks for pointing them out.

Thanks alot for your review. I'm humbled that you find it awesome. I hope others think the same.

The next chapter should be up within the next week or so. I will PM you when it is.

Thanks again

-OL

 

[SillyGoose]

Make that two loyal readers. I appreciated how you reviewed my fic. Anyway, nice length and good descriptions. Plus, the plot intrigues me, good job thinking up of the idea. I think we may have a real King Arthur style epic. Besides the mistakes BP and Manuyla pointed out, I can't anything else. Good work

8.5/10

 

[Brian Random]

Oh and what word does his name remind you of?

It also reminds me of a particular part of the human body. In america, it's three letters long, starts with the letter A, and ends with a letter S. XD

Keep up your work also mate.

Thanks. The new chapter is in btw. ^^

 

[atomicmonkey]

Very well written fic. Grammer and everything seems to be in order though it would be better if you described just a little more of the environment. Your descriptions are quick and jerky leaving your paragraphs short. Add more emotion to it and your story well flow together. Other than that, well done! I'll give it an 8/10. Hope to see more chapters along the way.