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Trials And Tribulations: What Legends Are Made Of...

M

mindripper

Guest
Basically, this is a pokemon fanfic, which is pretty obvious since I am posting here.. This is my first work, and I feel that I have done a good job with all that I have finished thus far.

So let me cut to the chase. While AG pokemon will inevitable be included, my own personal preferences will be the Kanto pokemon, cos to me they were the most original and the best. there will be new Pokemon, made up by me for this fic. Also, I have used the movesets of existing Pokemon liberally, allowing them more than 4 moves, and also allowing them moves which they can use in the game.

Some of the phrasing, while not wrong, is not what most people are accustomed to but that is just the way I want to write the story, so please understand.

By the way, please note that I am actually using British english, not American. MY MW is set to American, though, thus many words are spelt differently, like stylised and stylized. Some words are automatically corrected by MW, while others are indicated as errors. That is the reason you see some American spellings and some British spellings, which could result in some of you guys thinking they are spelling mistakes. I apologise for that.

I write mainly as a narrator, and switching of perspectives bewteen third-person and narrator's viewpoint takes place often.

In the latter part of the fanfic you all may realize that I start writing from characters’ points of view (pov in short); this is in order to get across some of the details and feelings that I may not when talking about them in third person. It does add some length but it will be a better piece for that.

Humour is present of course but sometimes it is deliberately subtle and you guys gotta delve deeper—spoon feeding all the funny bits so obviously is just not so fun huh.

The story may be a little draggy and is not always wham-bam action, but action does not a good fanfic make.

Now, while English standards on this fanfic will still not stray off the path, I will cut bombastic words to a minimum—I am sure you guys are here to read a story, not to view a thesaurus. Therefore, there will be only a few occasions that demarcation is used instead of border or any simpler word. Feel free to review but please do not flame.
 
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M

mindripper

Guest
First chapter...

Characters:

Ash (duh… he is our charming, sensitive, suave, charismatic hero)

Brock

Misty

May

Max

There are other peripheral characters which I will introduce in due time. But for now, on with the show!




“Sceptile!! Magic leaf!! NOW!!” a trainer with lank, long blond hair styled in some rock star wannabe fashion yelled at the top of his lungs.


His opponent, as well as our protagonist, pokemon cap (official, I must add) wearing, two arms flailing, two legs jumping, Ash Ketchum grimaced at the sound of those words, but quickly regained his composure…

“Pikachu (you did not think that our dear yellow rodent was going to be absent right??), use your tail as a spring, jump and judge, then slam into Sceptile with iron tail!!”

“Wobbuffet, step in front of Sceptile and counter, now!!” Thus was the screeching reply from our rock star wannabe.

At those words, a seemingly shapeless lump of blue gelatin like substance stepped out of the shadows of its counterpart, a gecko-like Pokemon with a long tail with leafy like appendages, stout legs, accompanied ably by a piercing glare, and seemed to be immediately enveloped by a silvery hue, awaiting the attack of our dear Ash’s Pikachu, whose own tail had hardened into what seemed like a metallic limb, instead of the nice cuddly tail we used to associate it with.

Ash grimaced again, recovered again and countered, his voice carrying trademark confidence: “Pidgeot, dive and use drill peck on Wobbuffet at once, break its counter move before Pikachu connects!!!”

Ash’s Pidgeot, an overlarge version of a common sparrow with large brown wings freckled with white, a bushy tail and vividly coloured mane obliged at once, arching its wings such that it resembled a bullet rushing through the air, picking up velocity till its feathers were matted against its body. In no time, it had surpassed the jumping yellow rodent and had reached the Wobbuffet, slamming its beak into the blue body of its opponent for all it was worth.


Our rocker wannabe mumbled under his breath and allowed himself some time to think. Unfortunately, that also allowed his opponent some time to think and Ash quickly improvised, calling off Pidgeot’s drill peck and calling for a tackle on Sceptile as a distraction, even as the rocker wannabe shouted in vain for Sceptile to use a vine whip on Pikachu to prevent contact and to follow up with a slam attack. Even as two vine-like contraptions emerged from Sceptile, Pidgeot had slammed into its body, throwing it off balance and causing its attack to seem like nothing more than a good impression of how bean sprouts sway in the wind.

A sickening thud soon followed as our dear shocking rodent’s tail slammed into the shocked Wobbuffet, and upon a further command from Ash the iron tail attack was followed up by a tackle, which sent it sprawling head over heels, landing in a heap a metre from our rocker wannabe. Wobbuffet slumped there like a blob of jelly, knocked out by the impact.

“Pidgeot, use whirlwind, lift Sceptile into the air!!”

A mini twister immediately appeared out of the blue and lifted the poor gecko like pokemon into the air, and almost immediately it was hit by a bolt out of the blue, a thunderbolt out of the blue to be more precise, and was suspended in the air by the electric attack from our shocking little(but very dangerous) Pikachu.

“Pidgeot!! Razor wind!! NOW!!” The command thus went out, and was followed by a huge concentrated gust of wind, which picked up from where Pikachu left off, buffeting Sceptile in its airy grasp like a storm would do to a plane, before slamming it against a tree, with the crunching of bark like a huge exclamation point where it slumped, its piercing glare replaced by swirls in its eyes. That was a landing it was not getting up from soon.

“Aw, are you okay??? Are you both ok??" Our rocker-to-be bent over his fallen comrades, checking them visually for signs of deeper injury.

In the meantime, Ash’s friends rushed up to congratulate their victorious friend. A girl with large blue eyes, long flowing brown tresses done up puppy dog style cascading past her shoulders and who was decked out in red with tight black shorts and a khaki pouch nestling stylishly around her tiny waist, was first to her feet and clapped our hero on the back. She was followed by a teenager of approximately nineteen, a male with dark skin, spiky hair with a fringe encroaching on his forehead and who was dressed in a dark brown jacket with matching cargoes in a lighter shade of brown, completed by a green undershirt. A smile emerged on his face, making his already small eyes seem nothing more than pencil marks drawn on his tanned face, marking his apparent approval of his friend’s most recent success. Last but certainly not least off his feet was a kid no older than eight, with complimenting green shirt and shorts, with the look completed by his thick black glasses. Ash’s friends certainly held nothing back with effusive praise for the superb battle just fought.

“Ash, I’ve seen you battle many times but you just keep surprising me with what you can do!!”

“Ash, that was phenomenal, really something that you can be proud of.”

Our hero stopped to adjust his cap (official stuff, the real deal!), and grinned widely at nothing in particular. It always felt good, even though he would not consider himself as a conceited person who lived for praise, to have his ego massaged by such words.

“Ash, why did you use an electric attack on Sceptile just now?? You know that it isn’t very effective right?? Don’t you even know the basics??”

The slowly widening grin, which had grown to such an extent that it had devoured the lower half of Ash’s face, disappeared as the remark hit home where it hurt. After a theatric anime fall, our hero returned fire with a volley of insults of his own…

“BASICS?? You want to talk about basics?? You don’t even HAVE a pokemon, Max, and I do know the basics. If you win, it don’t matter how you win or whether your moves are super effective or not, cos you WON!! And I ALSO know that you’re nothing more than an eight year old geek with glasses bigger than your face!!”

So much for the charismatic hero.

“Erm, excuse me dude, if you’re not too busy, thanks for the match yeah??” Our rocker wannabe butted in with his slicker-than-thou voice. Our hero (minus the charisma now) shook off the anime crosses all over his bulging red face and pulled himself together enough to shake hands with his opponent, whose name we find out is Lenny, enquire about the well-being of Sceptile and Wobbuffet, and return the thanks for a good match.

“Word, as those rockers would say”, Ash muttered under his breath as our rocker dude departed the scene with a lingering congratulation for his better.

He then turned to glare at Max, who was propping up his black glasses and taking refuge behind his sister, the girl decked out in red and black, with the puppy dog hair.

“May, Ash is being a bully again; he’s always picking on me cos I’m a little kid.”

“Picking on you?? When I’m done with you you’re gonna need a lot of help picking what’s left of your measly scrawny little body off the ground!!” Our hero, purple with rage, retorted with a glare to boot.

So much for being the suave hero.

“May, Ash is doing that glare thingy on me again!! I think he’s trying to paralyze me.”

The tanned teenager, who was thus abovementioned, intervened quickly before things got ugly.

“Come on guys, to each his own huh… Let’s not argue over such trivial matters and move on ok… Handshake??”

Max got his licks in first.

“Handshake?? Not unless Mr. Plum Face over there says sorry for having the premeditated intention of assault and battery on a defenseless eight year old kid first!!”

“The only thing I’m going to shake is that little geek’s head!!” So went Mr. Plum Face (aka our hero Ash)…

“If you, Max, and you, Ash, do not break it off, there is not going to be any lunch for both of you today!!” Brock, the tanned teenager, threatened, exasperated by his squabbling friends.

“OK!! SORRY!!” Both Max and Ash yelled at the same time, horrified that Brock would threaten them with such a debilitating circumstance—after all, how could they possibly survive with no lunch??


Eventually, our heroes (We have to call them all heroes right?? Calling them “our hero Ash and his friends just does not sound right) settled down for the lunch which Max and Ash so nearly missed, happily tucking into the stewed meat and potatoes that Brock whipped up in an awful hurry. First to finish was Ash, who then walked a short distance away from the group, sat down amongst the huge buttress roots of some tropical tree, grateful for the shade that the leafy crown of the tree provided as well as the sense of tranquility that stemmed from being away from the group for a while.
 
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M

mindripper

Guest
That was like an introductory chapter, and there will be much more to come. I have written 80+ pages on word, and am barely halfway through. i would like to note that i do not own Pokemon(TM), and I am not associated with Pokemon(TM) in any way. I do own all created characters, and the story itself. As this is the beginning of the fic alone, I will post another chapter once a get a reply or two. Subsequent chapters will be longer and spaced further apart. The action will heat up later. Thanks for viewership!! I will not disappoint you.
 

FlamingRuby

The magic of Pokemon
Okay...here we go:

Description: Very good! I almost felt like I was watching a real episode! ::eats popcorn::
Characters: Everyone is true to their actual counterparts, great! I especially liked it when Max and Ash were fighting and Brock had to break them up!
Plot: Since you say this is an introduction, I'll let this slide for now...but I can't wait to see what adventure you have in store for our heroes!

Anything else?: if you need Brock gags (i.e. for going goo-goo over a girl), let me know!

Rating: ;026;

Wow! You just might give some of the more prominent authors here a run for their money!
 
M

mindripper

Guest
FlamingRuby said:
Okay...here we go:

Description: Very good! I almost felt like I was watching a real episode! ::eats popcorn::
Characters: Everyone is true to their actual counterparts, great! I especially liked it when Max and Ash were fighting and Brock had to break them up!
Plot: Since you say this is an introduction, I'll let this slide for now...but I can't wait to see what adventure you have in store for our heroes!

Anything else?: if you need Brock gags (i.e. for going goo-goo over a girl), let me know!

Rating: ;026;

Wow! You just might give some of the more prominent authors here a run for their money!
There are a few of Brock's gags somewhere in the story, and I cannot really reveal anything right now.

Ash and co are in for something alright, and as of now there are three huge battles in the story, which dwarf the one you just read by miles, and I have planned a few more, and the climatic battle will bring down the roof, so so I hope. PM me if you would perhaps like a sneak preview of one of those battles. You will not regret it.
 
W

Waveblaster

Guest
I was good...I like the battle sequence. They are really good compared to the ones that I write...short and sweet. Good job though! 4/5
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Second chapter

Here is the second chapter, in quick succession after the first. A bit more description here. Do enjoy. The action will be heating up after this chapter.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


He pulled out a dark blue case and opened it, revealing all eight of his Hoenn gym badges, which he and his pokemon team had toiled so hard to get. Vivid images flashed through his head—every one of the eight gym battles replayed itself in the recesses of his mind, fulminating in an earth-shattering thunder attack by the shocking Pikachu, which brought an end to Wallace’s spirited and skilled defense of his gym’s badge.

Ash looked up just in time to see Pikachu bounding up towards him and perching on his shoulder as per normal, hoping to share in its trainer’s private moments. Ash, grateful for the company, ran his hands tenderly along every edge, bend and contour of the eight badges, reliving his moments of glory that were encapsulated in those eight thin discs of metal that meant everything to him; well, almost everything…

The Hoenn league was due to start in a couple of month’s time, and our hero (maybe he is not that charismatic or suave, but he is still our hero) simply felt that he had not got enough practice in yet. His moments of glory in the gyms of Hoenn seemed to fade to a distant part of his subconscious, replaced harrowingly by images of his past failings. He remembered the Indigo league, when a disobedient Charizard literally went to sleep on the job, handing Richie the win on a platter.

Till that very day, he still was haunted by the niggling questions that pervaded his thoughts—thoughts that asked what could have been if he had only gotten Charizard to listen then; thoughts that asked what could have been if he had been the one who progressed, not Richie. Similar failures in a grass tournament and a water tournament (Whirlpool cup), a loss to his dearest mallet-wielding friend Misty in the latter only troubled him even more.

The Johto league was a bittersweet affair, with our troubled hero finally beating his long-time rival, scourge and nemesis Gary after a blazing showdown which both trainers would likely carry with them for the rest of their lives.

However, it was bittersweet in that a loss to Harrison, a highly skilled trainer and one that there was no shame in losing to, followed in the next round. What pained Ash the most was not the loss itself, but the fact that he could, and should have won—Charizard would probably have gotten the better of Harrison’s high-kicking, fire-punching fowl pokemon Blaziken, if Ash had used flying and/or wing attacks, which he completely ignored in favour of flamethrowers and the like, which was something like shooting birds with tanks (the latter is just too slow to really hit).

He had prepared himself a little bit better this time around, making trips to pick up his old friends Pidgeot, as well as Squirtle and Charizard. With a newly caught Dusclops, Grovyle and the shocking, rosy cheeked Pikachu to complement the three pokemon he had just retrieved, Ash believed he had a team which could go all the way this time.


Banishing his worst fears and niggling suspicions to the back of his mind, he pulled out a copy of Pokemon Daily and started to read the eye-catching article on the front page (or at least the short synopsis on the right of the main article, for we all know that our hero is a busy guy right??)…


WHY DO POKEMON OBEY HUMANS???

In a nutshell, no one really knows the answer to the above question. It is again one of the myriad, innumerable mysteries of the fascinating Pokemon world.

Of course, there are certain explanations and theories being bandied around, with some bordering on ridiculous and corny, along the lines of the abysmal pop science we see on some of the dreadful sci-fi movies nowadays. But we digress. Some believe that Pokemon and Humans share an ancient bond, possibly forged out of co-existence even during ancient times. There are those who believe that in some long- forgotten cataclysmic age, Pokemon and Man depended on each other to survive, fighting side by side at all times, in a win-win situation where each complements the other and either cannot do without its other half.

The question is WHY… Pokemon are obviously much stronger than us and edge us out in physical performances, as well as their possessing abilities which even our strongest weapons would possibly not hold a candle to. They do not lack intelligence or any mental function that we also possess, thus it is puzzling why they not only are at peace with us, but are actually subservient to our purposes, allowing us to “capture” them for our own uses. More of this article overleaf, on Page 2…


“Wow, that was superb; it really addressed the question well,” our obviously keenly discerning, analytical and intelligent hero Ash muttered to himself. “But why “cataclysmic age”?? Must be a typing error, because I’m sure I saw that long word before, and I think it’s got something to do with cactus, though why an age of cacti is mentioned is beyond me; hey, what’s this??” Ash’s (forget about “obviously keenly discerning, analytical and intelligent”) attention was caught by a small advertisement in the middle of the paper, which went: Pokemon Tournament For Only The Best. Judge yourself against the VERY BEST. Details Below.

Our hero’s piercing glance took in the details, such as time, place and date.

“Hey guys, look at this… It’s a pokemon tournament, and they say here there will be selections to weed out the losers so only the best remain to compete, and guess what??” Our riddling hero shot out to his friends, who were clearing up after a hearty lunch.


“What, Ash?? Let us think, ‘cos that’s a real tough question. Hmmm, you’re going to win??” His friends replied with mock enthusiasm.

“How did you manage to get that?? No fair…” Our deflated hero looked puzzled and scratched his head absentmindedly. “Anyway, hand me the Pokegear, think I’m gonna call Misty and ask her if she would like to come watch the greatest master-to-be in action—she will be sooooo excited, I reckon.”


May giggled as she handed the red device over to our master-to-be hero: “If what I hear from you all is true, I think she will probably remember how our “master-to-be” (emphasis on these three words please) had to be fished out of a river the first time you guys met huh??”

Ash stylishly turned a deaf ear to the ensuing guffaws and activated the device, dialed his friend’s number and fired off at once.

“Hello, is that Misty??? Ash here… I’m gonna participate in a pokemon tournament involving the world’s best trainers and I kinda think I would do better if I had a few people cheering me on… You get my point??”

“Wrong number, and don’t talk so fast next time on the phone!!” A gruff male voice iterated over the pokegear.

Our hero upped the style factor by ignoring a louder chorus of guffaws and barely suppressed laughs and dialed the number again, this time exercising prudence and showing presence of mind to wait for the other party to say hello first…

“Hello,” went a familiar feminine voice.

“Hello, is that Misty??? Ash here… I’m gonna participate in a pokemon tournament involving the world’s best trainers and I kinda think I would do better if I had a few people cheering me on… You get my point??” Our hero repeated his words exactly for his friend.

“You want me to come all the way to wherever you are, whenever you want, to do whatever you want and however you want??" Misty retorted with the velocity of a machinegun.

“Um, yeah that would be just about it,” our not-so-tactful hero replies coolly; “I’ll buy you an ice-cream though, isn’t that just cool??” Our hero makes an offer he feels she cannot refuse, and one that is dripping with intellectual wit to boot.

“Ash, I really do not think I am going to be there; I got more pressing things to do than playing pom-pom girl for you at the moment,” Misty’s voice had taken on a softer but determined facet.

“C’mon Mist, you’re always there when I’m in a tournament and I don’t want things to be different this time ok? You did promise you would be there for me right??”

Our cunning hero recovered from the failure of his “cannot be refused offer” and played to his friend’s softer side, hoping that his puppy-dog plea would work when all else failed.

“Well, yeah I did but…… But there are like millions of trainers challenging the gym and I can’t just leave my sisters here… No insult to them but they’re just going to be road kill… Sigh, I’ll see what I can do, just email me the details and I’ll see what I can do… No guarantees though.”

With that, our hero’s dearest friend hung up on our hero, signaling the end of a seemingly fruitless conversation, at least from the viewpoint of our hero Ash.

A higher-pitched female voice interrupted Ash’s gloomy thoughts: “Hey Ash, don’t worry about it huh… Misty may not be coming but you still got us?? I mean, you still beat Wallace et al without her right??” May tried her utmost to pierce through the seemingly impervious cloud of gloom and doom that hovered over her friend, but even her best efforts evanesced amidst the cloak of palpable obscurity that shrouded her friend. Eventually, she shot a pleading look at her brother Max, who for once did not have a witticism up his sleeve, and then at Brock, who for once did not have any seemingly paternal advice to expound. She then gave up the chase and after a reassuring pat on the shoulder for her friend, settled down with her brother and Brock to help start a fire, for that would be where they would camp for the night.


Father Time crept slowly but surely by, and the surrounding woods, which when bathed with the evening sun was a truly beauteous zenith of Mother Nature—the soothing songs of the birds as well as the faint mating calls of the insects, the murmurings of the meandering brook nearby, the blood-red sunset through perfectly carved vistas and the canopy of the forest, impenetrable by light yet seemingly bathed in a golden halo, had given way to a much more mundane picture when night finally fell, and deepened.


Our hero Ash had gone on another one of his solo sojourns, feeling that he needed some space to breathe, but of course accompanied by his best pokemon friend the shocking yellow rodent Pikachu. The shadows of the trees had since grown longer, like some caricatures straight out of a horror flick, and the darkness could almost be touched, so dark it was; the silence was broken only by the calls of the insects, but our hero was grateful for all that.

“This place reminds me of another, Pikachu.”

Pikachu merely nodded its head reflexively and looked at its master, an earnest questioning look in the eyes, asking an unseen question.

Our extremely capable and understanding hero got the drift and answered softly: “It reminds me of the Viridian Forest, where even the dirt roads and tracks look similar, Pikachu, where the insects cry out in the same way and even the sunset feels the same.”

Our shocking electrically inclined rodent answered in pokemon language, its tone suggesting mutual agreement with Ash’s observation.

“More than two years ago, I was just another wannabe, a never-was, another person who had a dream to be the best. Fast forward, and now I’ve saved the world, saved my mum, saved pokemon, won battles, lost battles, met friends and lost friends, and it still seems that I’m right back where I began.” Ash’s voice strained when mouthing the final portion of his speech.

Pikachu recognized when his friend was down, and while not fully comprehending the gravity of the situation, snuggled itself against our upset hero’s legs, as a sign of comfort.

Random images whizzed past our perturbed hero’s eyes once again. Richie, more backpack than anything else, in a nice way though, flashed past his eyes with a victory sign. Tracey, always in the background yet always in the know, was just another one of his friends that he missed, as was Todd, as was Harrison. Gary, with his condescending smirk and trademark arrogance, zoomed past next, his mental image mouthing some unheard yet probable insult, but with a true competitor’s heart within. Misty flashed past as well, her face twisted into a sneer as she went on to beat the daylights out of him in his memory.

Our reminiscing hero’s thoughts froze on that figure, and replayed that thought, captured the incident, and sighed when he remembered that the one difference between that night more than two years ago, in a place so familiar, with sights and sounds so familiar, was that a huge part of his life was missing from the picture now, a squabbling man-eater with a huge temper and a huger mallet, but yet with the hugest heart, was missing now, and that life was just not the same anymore…


Cut to Cerulean, where our emotional hero’s dearest friend had just cut off the call from her friend.


She whirled around, and took in her surroundings again even though they were to her as the back of her hands were. The domed ceiling, the huge pool, the seats, the rooms, with one obvious discrepancy, that they were all empty. Given, it was dark and late in Cerulean, but the coming of the dawn would not bring much of a difference—she had lied about the multitudes of trainers challenging the gym. The gym could have been closed down for a week without many noticing.

Heaving a sigh, Misty looked through the stuff that cluttered her desk, official gym forms, stationery as well as photographs. A few taken when she was younger caught her eye, and were dutifully perused—a scrawny, red-headed girl stared back at her from behind the frames, at times with a weak smile plastered on her face.

She then turned her attention to some taken, mostly candidly by Brock during her journeys with the gang—one early shot showed her with her forefingers shoved deep into Ash’s mouth, trying to pry it open as far as it would go; another with all three friends as well as Pikachu and Togepi; one with her arguing with Ash over some probably trivial matter and lastly, one of her in a solo shot, without even Togepi, smiling to the camera like the world was a place where only bright colours existed, where sunshine beats back the dark, where all things good always prevailed—like the world was perfect. And it was. Comparing that shot with the earlier shots of her smiling falsely at the camera brought an even larger sigh.

Then came the clincher: a sketch of her and her friends done by Tracey, who had artfully shown with simple pastels and pencils their cheery demeanour and carefree dispositions. She laid back in her chair and stared out of her window, suddenly missing terribly all she had left behind when all she wanted was to start anew, to leave her friends to chase their dreams without her nagging and to pursue her own as well. Those reasons were all the comfort she had when she left them at Hoenn, albeit without Togepi, who she also lost, and it was simply a case of the proverbial last straw breaking her back. At the current moment though, she missed her friends, especially Ash, terribly, and also thought back on the times they were lucky enough to share.


Little did she know that in a forest somewhere, a certain someone was thinking the same thoughts as well…


It was rise and shine once again for our emotional hero, who quickly wolfed down a light breakfast faster than one could go “hey, slow down,” and quickly started on a surprisingly rigourous warm-up routine for his six starting pokemon, and had the burns from his Charizard’s flamethrowers to show what his pokemon thought about the sudden increase in intensity.

“May, Brock, something seems wrong with Ash today…” Max began.

May, who had just got up from a long night’s rest, thought it wise to play the big sister role by answering her mystified brother’s queries: “Yup, I noticed too Max. Ash’s jeans are a lighter shade of blue today. That is just terrible colour combination right??” A satisfied look from our beautiful, highly intelligent and astute female protagonist.

“May, with observations like that, you’ve got to be further down the evolutionary ladder than I thought.”

“What ladder??? I don’t see any ladder Max…”

“I can’t believe it… My sis is a drum… Skin on the outside, but hollow on the inside… Well, someone must have got all the good genes… he he…”

Brock cut in helpfully.

“I think what Max was trying to say just now was that Ash’s behaviour seems weird today… When was the last time you saw him eat a light meal and then go for such a strenuous workout like that???”

“You got a point there Brock, but what was all that talk about ladders???”

“Max, I think your sister is devolving into a perfect monkey…”

May looked stupidly at them, one hand holding a banana and the other scratching the top of her head…
 
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S

sk0rp10n

Guest
Very good!! I loved the sarcastic humour!! When is chapter three coming up?
 
M

mindripper

Guest
sk0rp10n said:
Very good!! I loved the sarcastic humour!! When is chapter three coming up?
I am guessing from anywhere between 3-7 days. I hope you would be around to review it then!
 

Wes

Iblis Wings
Wow that was pretty good. You describe things like if they were right in front of my eyes. Nice job!
 
M

mindripper

Guest
^Thanks. Do rate it later when you see more. I reviewed your fic too! You saw it? Do come back when I post more chapters!
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
“Max, I think your sister is devolving into a perfect monkey…”

May looked stupidly at them, one hand holding a banana and the other scratching the top of her head…
Best...May...Gag...Ever


Likes
The high class comedy
The descriptions
The battlescenes
The intelligence of this fic

This fic has a rather unique comedy that kind of reminds of british humor for some crazy reason. Either way, I love it. The description in this fic is VERY good and i can clearly imagine whats going on. The battle scebe was wonderful in the way it relied on strategy rather than jusy moves. Although, some parts of the battle was kind of confusing. I felt very inteligant (misspelled on purpose) reading this fic with all the big words and the unique style.

Dislikes
Ash is kind of OOC
Style can be a bit confusing at times


Ash doesnt realyl act that way in the show, I dont think hes that smart, although he really isnt shown as smart and blah blah blah im just gonna end up rambling on. The style of your writing while it is unique and creative, it can be confusing in some points making it hard to understand whats going on.


This reminds me of my other fic Wanzewald Pokemon Contest! Anyway, ill give this fic a 7/10. Keep up the good work!!!
 
M

mindripper

Guest
To Lucient Latias:
I have my own spin on Ash's choices. I feel that a Dusclops completes his team better than an ice Pokemon.

To Iceking:
Hold the reviews first. There is more to come, a lot more. Those were more like intro chapters. Ash definitely isn't smart, and neither will he be portrayed as such. I described him as such because he does strike me as a reflective person, and one who soaks in the limelight after a victory, subconciously or otherwise.
As far as style, I am a descriptive person, and do give yourself time to attune to the style. The words are gonna get a little bigger, and the battles a little fiercer. I do hope you would be around when that happens. Thanks.
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Well, I certainly am impressed, your description struct me as fantastic, and even though it's starting out as simply another Ash adventure, the news bulletin and even the title itself are very prominent foreshadowings. I found the second paragraph of the news article very intriguing, reminds me of my second fic, especially the long-forgotten cataclysmic age. Lol, or should I say cacti age? X3 I found the humor nice, and struggled to hold back the snickering while reading it, although Ash's outburst in the beginning was a bit out of place, but meh. The monkey line is still by far the best :p

Really, great job so far, I'll rate once it gets a bit farther in, but I know what I probably will give it. *winks*

~Chibi~;249-d;
 
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mindripper

Guest
^Thanks. To those who feel that Ash is acting a little weird, do consider that I have portrayed him as being under a certain amount of stress, with him coming to grips with his failures in the Indigo and Johto leagues. He questions his advancement as a trainer, and wonders if it would have made a difference if he had worked doubly hard instead. That is why he makes his team undergo intense training. That is why he is a little prone to outbursts. It makes him so much for human that way.

Just to add on, I would be breaking my own rule again soon. A few more reviews from unique people, and chapter three will be up. Should allow people to get a better grasp of the story, as chapters 1-2 are pretty introductory.
 
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sk0rp10n

Guest
I love it all the same!! I read a few other fics and I have to say that this one blows them all in terms of description. Runs like a novel as well. And if things are only going to get better as you say, you got a reader in me!
 

Dubble Flux

Well-Known Member
I like this story. It has very good description. Enough to keep us captivated, but not so much that we'll fall asleep at the monotonous depiction. I'm okay with the characters. I'm just not too into them, because I just like relly original protagonists(just my prefrence, though. It's good all the same). The length meets the required amount, though I bet you can really elaborate a chapter if it was a bit longer. I look foward to seeing this story develop, as it seems it has some potential.

P.S. "What Legends Are Made Of" That was part of my title for a fanfic I tried a few years ago. I knew it was a great title and would be used by future generations of authors! *dances*
 
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mindripper

Guest
^Do not worry. I would estimate that by the fourth chapter, descriptions get even better, and there will be a very nice battle in the fourth chappie, I reckon. About 6+ MW pages, without proper spacings.

I would like to take some time to thank peeps who have somehow lasted this long with me, and lsitened to what I had to say, and I sincerely hope that you would be back for future episodes. Thank you all!
 

Blazing Charmander

Well-Known Member
This has started off really well for a new fanfic writer. The description you have put into it is really good. While reading, i could imagine most of the scenes in my mind.

The Max and Ash squabbles were hilarious. I loved it when Ash called Max a geek. I also liked the interactions between May and Max. The monkey May remark was great.

Well, a great start and I hope you keep up the good work. Well done.
 
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