It really wasnt too much of flashback, but more of audible thought. Like Ash is giving voice to his thoughts. Anywayz, thanks for the review!
Thanks for taking the time to read it. It is always good to have new readers. Thanks. I do not think that you will regret it.Sapphire Milotic said:This is really good and I would like to see more of it. I finally got the time to read this awesome fic.
how true!Information is ammunition
Lol. Good one there.Er, so I can recognize her if I do face off against her tomorrow
“Hi, I’m sir Ash… ...” Our hero promoted himself to knighthood, and waved his hands around in a desperate call for attention, eroding his newfound status away.
“I am Victor E. Reyes; take note of the phonetics please (Vee-k-thor E Ri-ers). I have won… ...”In a move that can only be described as a turning to the lesser of two evils
“Victorious?? That is what your name is?? That is real corny, even going by your standards. Let me introduce myself as well. My name is Sue Perr. Guess what the phonetics are??”
That whole portion was damn funny! It was a laugh a minute. Very very classy as well. Somehow you maintain your usual class, even as you ruthlessly tickly our funny bones. Exceptional.“Let… Me… Introduce… You… To… THIS!!!” Misty’s words came out in staccato growls, cutting off Victor E. Reyes in mid-sentence, and reached behind her to pull out her preferred tool of destruction. The following scene must be done anime-style, and the screen must be darkened even then, for it was an example of pure gratuitous violence, but which had an important part of the story to fill out and thus could not be cut out entirely; out of element, but certainly not out of place.
Man, that was funny. ‘Cause one would expect him to be offended because they were calling him stupid, but instead…*sigh*.“I mean, you made fun of my cap!!! Do you know how many postcards I had to send in?? I practically went to hell and back for this cap, and you guys call the cap too stuffy??”
I just thought that was hilarious; “before I spill them for you.”“Do NOT get sexist with me, Mr. Ketchum, and spill your guts now, before I spill them for you.” Our heroine growled, waving a fist for a threatening effect.
Ah! Should be “itinerary”.“Ash, I called reception just now and asked about the itenary
Subliminal? Like sublime skill? ‘Cause Subliminal means something else entirely. Oh wait, or do you mean like skill that the pokemon itself wasn’t even conscious of (that’s some deep running skill)? ‘Cause if you meant it that way, it makes sense.…blow, before landing with all the subliminal skill it possessed.
I think you did a very good job of showing how frightened Ash felt after having witnessed the skill of the other trainers. And this line was cool because I know what that feels like; having to do something to prepare, but not being exactly sure what it is you need to do.The worst part was that he did not know what the something was; he only knew he had to find a solution, a stop-gap measure to allay the growing fears in his heart.
Did you mean “transpired”?Misty felt a tad guilty over what had just conspired over the past few minutes and tried to make it up to her friend.
I knew someone that had to be on dialysis, and they weren’t too happy. Was this supposed to be like irony/sarcasm or something, ‘cause yeah. Dialysis is not a happy thing. Or were you going for a kind of fake happy? Is that what you were trying to say?the happy demeanour reminiscent of a diabetic patient on dialysis for too long.
Right on. Thanks!Ah! Should be “itinerary”.
Yup, I meant that it in a psychological context. If not, I would have used another form of "sublime". Martial arts pokemon should have been trained to execute such moves in their sleep, and I just tried to have that.Subliminal? Like sublime skill? ‘Cause Subliminal means something else entirely. Oh wait, or do you mean like skill that the pokemon itself wasn’t even conscious of (that’s some deep running skill)? ‘Cause if you meant it that way, it makes sense.
I tried to be realistic with moves, and that was simply the way I imagined that move to work. There will be more of that coming.One thing, though; would skill swap really allow Gengar to be able to use hyper beam?
In my book this is the best way to describe stuff.Eh, you used a LOT of metaphorical language while describing attacks and Pokemon’s moods and things.
This is a brilliant line, and yet not one which is easily deciphered. You have Ash saying something optimistic, and yet are sarcastic enough to have him look sad. Very effective subtle characterisation. You do it very well, perhaps too well. A lot of people are going to miss that.Our never-say-die hero embodied the stuff that dreams are made of, coupled with the happy demeanour reminiscent of a diabetic patient on dialysis for too long.
This had Lemony Snichkets written all over it.The following scene must be done anime-style, and the screen must be darkened even then, for it was an example of pure gratuitous violence, but which had an important part of the story to fill out and thus could not be cut out entirely; out of element, but certainly not out of place.
The single smartest line in the whole chappie. Why? You go on about an iron tail attack, and divert attention using Alakazam's abilities and Ash's reaction. Gladly, I did not miss the foreshadowing there. I missed it, but it suddenly hit me when I read this for the third time. Brilliant lead-in for Ash's strategy.A straw-coloured entity flashed by from directly behind Dusclops, sending chunks of ice skywards for all of a few seconds, with the yellow tail glowing white and slamming into the exposed back of Dusclops, even as our hero stood still with mouth hitting the ice anime style, scarcely believing what had just occurred, remnants of the battle against Sabrina flooding back to haunt him.
Very classy, again. A great description, with subtle humour. I appreciate that.Victor E. Reyes, for all his emphasized and highlighted abilities, clearly missed that which was occurring right beneath his nose, as he failed to notice that our heroine’s tan had given way to a deep shade of magenta, with veins bulging till she looked as though she would sooner pop every blood vessel in her face and die of hemorrhage than open her mouth to speak. Somehow, the latter was achieved, without the prophesied vessel popping.
Should be “…Ketchum does have” or “…Ketchum has…”Ash Ketchum does has the rare ability to remain competitive even with basic Pokemon
I’m not sure if “dexterous” was the best word to use here. I mean, it obviously has origins referring to being competent with the hands, and not necessarily just generally skilled. I just don’t think it was the perfect fit.Brings new meaning to the word speed, being extremely quick and dexterous in the air.
Should be “none-too-pleased”…, and his none-to-pleased reaction itself was enough
Did I inspire you with all those ice cream similes?! I have left my mark on the fic! If I had nothing to do with it, disregard this part of the review.know that eating ice cream with the spoons
You used “easily” twice.…would not be able to easily differentiate truth from falsity easily.
I think the correct phrase is “an about face”.Obeying the command instantly, Dusclops did an about turn
You forgot to add a period at the end.“Gengar, avoid the attack and use hypnosis”