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Trials And Tribulations: What Legends Are Made Of...

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mindripper

Guest
It really wasnt too much of flashback, but more of audible thought. Like Ash is giving voice to his thoughts. Anywayz, thanks for the review!
 
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Shadowcat

Guest
This is really good and I would like to see more of it. I finally got the time to read this awesome fic.
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Sapphire Milotic said:
This is really good and I would like to see more of it. I finally got the time to read this awesome fic.
Thanks for taking the time to read it. It is always good to have new readers. Thanks. I do not think that you will regret it.
 
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Shadowcat

Guest
Well you Pmed me to read this fic and you'll read mine as Beta right. Well I had lots of homework that is why I said i could not read your fic. Now I'm reading it and I think it is awesome. Well Try my Pokemon, Historical legends fic. It's not really good and a little bad.
 
O

Odem General

Guest
urk! Well as I said here i am to review ur fic. Well, I may not be so fond of certain types of pokemon fics but I had looked at this particular when I saw that you had posted a review on Meta kyogre's fic anyway I digress. So far considering you are a first time fic writer (as am i) I think this is amazing. I may sound like a broken record by saying what has already been said but, you seem to have a naturally good and enthralling writing style. your description is just right not too much not too little. The plot isnt too much at the minute but the other elements are enough to keep people gripped untill it develops. It seems to be warming up too thats good. I look forward to looking at the other chapters when they are posted.
 

intergalactic platypus

Only rescues maidens
omg i love this fic. its extremely clever, and the humor is perfect. the best has to be "what do phones have to do with our names?" i just love it. the battles are wonderfully descriptive as well. victor E. reyes is a great bad guy, he really was funny. your a very good writer. keep it up
 
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sk0rp10n

Guest
Information is ammunition
how true!

I also loved the way you ran through every one of his pokemon, and profiled Ash brilliantly. Very nice touch.

Er, so I can recognize her if I do face off against her tomorrow
Lol. Good one there.

“Hi, I’m sir Ash… ...” Our hero promoted himself to knighthood, and waved his hands around in a desperate call for attention, eroding his newfound status away.
In a move that can only be described as a turning to the lesser of two evils
“I am Victor E. Reyes; take note of the phonetics please (Vee-k-thor E Ri-ers). I have won… ...”

“Victorious?? That is what your name is?? That is real corny, even going by your standards. Let me introduce myself as well. My name is Sue Perr. Guess what the phonetics are??”
“Let… Me… Introduce… You… To… THIS!!!” Misty’s words came out in staccato growls, cutting off Victor E. Reyes in mid-sentence, and reached behind her to pull out her preferred tool of destruction. The following scene must be done anime-style, and the screen must be darkened even then, for it was an example of pure gratuitous violence, but which had an important part of the story to fill out and thus could not be cut out entirely; out of element, but certainly not out of place.
That whole portion was damn funny! It was a laugh a minute. Very very classy as well. Somehow you maintain your usual class, even as you ruthlessly tickly our funny bones. Exceptional.

That battle is another award winner. In fact, the three major battles thus far all deserve awards. That was how good theyw ere. This one is very unique in the sense that it implements buttloads of strategy and an analytical brain. I highly doubt that anyone else but you could have come up with that.

Do not bother about thsoe who deliberately bring you down. You've already shown yourself to be one of the best, if not the very best author around. Never lsoe track of that. Jealousy is a powerful tool indeed.
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Thanks to all who have reviewed. It is you guys that have made the fic what it is. I do not bother about hit and runners, as the fact that they like me in particular must mean that I am doing something right after all. If I were to see those people in real life, I would give them a martial arts demo! Joking. :)

Oh, there will be even bigger battles coming up, in about two or three chaps' time. It will be big, and it will be long. That will be when we are into the tourney for real, and every match will be very intense. Do stay till the climax, because that will erase every boundary of writing you know, and rewrite said limits. You may think that I am boastful, I say wait and see, and have some trust. I will pop back sometimes to answer questions.

ALso, anyone who wants me to review can PM me. Also, anyone who feels that I may have forgotten to review can also PM me to remind me. Have a good day!
 

billy5772

SENIOR
Great chapters [4,5,6], sk0rpripper! I'm just kidding, but do you guys know each other or something?

The bit with the insults at the end of chapter 4 was awesome! The whole:

“I mean, you made fun of my cap!!! Do you know how many postcards I had to send in?? I practically went to hell and back for this cap, and you guys call the cap too stuffy??”
Man, that was funny. ‘Cause one would expect him to be offended because they were calling him stupid, but instead…*sigh*.

“Do NOT get sexist with me, Mr. Ketchum, and spill your guts now, before I spill them for you.” Our heroine growled, waving a fist for a threatening effect.
I just thought that was hilarious; “before I spill them for you.”

“Ash, I called reception just now and asked about the itenary
Ah! Should be “itinerary”.

And interesting delve into Misty’s lack of direction/purpose in her life. At least that’s what I thought you were getting at with her not being sure how to answer Ash’s question about what she would do besides be “cooped up in that gym”.

…blow, before landing with all the subliminal skill it possessed.
Subliminal? Like sublime skill? ‘Cause Subliminal means something else entirely. Oh wait, or do you mean like skill that the pokemon itself wasn’t even conscious of (that’s some deep running skill)? ‘Cause if you meant it that way, it makes sense.

The worst part was that he did not know what the something was; he only knew he had to find a solution, a stop-gap measure to allay the growing fears in his heart.
I think you did a very good job of showing how frightened Ash felt after having witnessed the skill of the other trainers. And this line was cool because I know what that feels like; having to do something to prepare, but not being exactly sure what it is you need to do.

And great job with the Brock dream sequence! That was pretty funny, I must say, ol’ chap(?).

This is the problem with late reviews; everyone’s already said a lot of the things that I had to say. Well, I’m gonna comment on the battles now:

The Hitmonlee v Hitmonchan battle was pretty cool. I got a little confused at first because I kept forgetting which one was the kicking one and which one was the punching one, but that didn’t last for long as you did a VERY good job of accentuating each of their individual strengths throughout the battle; having lee use all those kicks and having chan use a lot of punches.

I won’t comment on the ballroom description as everyone has already given you those accolades.

The Tyranitar vs. Gengar battle was awesome too! I liked that better than the Hitmonchan v Hitmonlee battle. It was really cool how you chose to illustrate the Dream Eater attack. That was creative^23. Your interpretations of moves are very innovative, and I like that. One thing, though; would skill swap really allow Gengar to be able to use hyper beam? When I was reading it, I was thinking “oh, he made the tyranitar levitate so that the hyper-beam would be too high to hit him” but you not only used skill swap to throw the hyper-beam off target but also to switch moves? I don’t know. That’s like sketch or something.

Um,…I’m trying to think what else I want to comment on…I don’t know. Eh, you used a LOT of metaphorical language while describing attacks and Pokemon’s moods and things. It got a little excessive at points, but…I don’t know. It wasn’t really a problem, but EVERYTHING does not need to be compared to something else; it gets kinda tiring to keep reading through “…like a small child finding out there’s no more ice cream left” or “…like an ice cream truck with no tune” or “…like a cone lacking ice cream” or “…like the cold ice cream that compliments the warm apple pie beneath it” or “…like a fish trying to breath in an aquarium filled with nothing but ice cream” after every move description.

They are very helpful in some places, though. Like, there was one instance where you said something “evaporated like an ice cube in hell” or something like that. That was great, I just felt you went over-board sometimes. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?! No one else complained, so it probably isn’t really that big a problem if a problem at all.

Okay, that is the review. Sorry it took me so long to read it, but, to quote my sig and custom user title; “SUMMER ASSIGNMENTS!”

AAAAAAHHHHH! Mindripper!!! I just finished this review and now I see that there is another chapter up right before I was about to post it! I’m not even gonna log in now. Sheesh. I’m about to go read some more of my SUMMER ASSIGNMENTS! [/mock frustration] I’m just kidding, but now I gotta go, so I’ll finish tomorrow I guess.

Here's a little of mah chapter 7 review. I'm just gonna edit this post when I finish it.

Misty felt a tad guilty over what had just conspired over the past few minutes and tried to make it up to her friend.
Did you mean “transpired”?

the happy demeanour reminiscent of a diabetic patient on dialysis for too long.
I knew someone that had to be on dialysis, and they weren’t too happy. Was this supposed to be like irony/sarcasm or something, ‘cause yeah. Dialysis is not a happy thing. Or were you going for a kind of fake happy? Is that what you were trying to say?
 
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Shadowcat

Guest
i read the chappies and see that Misty is quite the usual Big Mouth.

Brock's cooking was looking delicious the way you describe it.

I love this fic.
 

Felix Feral Fezirix

Densetsu no Pikachu!
sir- HA - Ash- HA Victorious HA so funny HA can't breathe HA

Are you aiming to land me in hospital? Because if you keep up this humour I'll land in hospital. I'm still waiting for the day you do, though!
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Ah! Should be “itinerary”.
Right on. Thanks!

Subliminal? Like sublime skill? ‘Cause Subliminal means something else entirely. Oh wait, or do you mean like skill that the pokemon itself wasn’t even conscious of (that’s some deep running skill)? ‘Cause if you meant it that way, it makes sense.
Yup, I meant that it in a psychological context. If not, I would have used another form of "sublime". Martial arts pokemon should have been trained to execute such moves in their sleep, and I just tried to have that.

One thing, though; would skill swap really allow Gengar to be able to use hyper beam?
I tried to be realistic with moves, and that was simply the way I imagined that move to work. There will be more of that coming.

Eh, you used a LOT of metaphorical language while describing attacks and Pokemon’s moods and things.
In my book this is the best way to describe stuff.

"Conspired" instead of "transpired". Why? Because the former has a clandestine ring to it. It is used in a sacarstic manner.

About the dialysis thing, it was meant to be sacarstic at all. Ash was not meant to be looking happy.

Skorpion and me are unrelated, but he has been asking me some stuff over PM. That is why he know ssome stuff about me.
 
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loosemoose

Guest
That was one damn impressive chapter. Damn impressive. You have delivered again. It sure as anything was worth the wait.

You have always struck me as a novel writer. Out of the many authors around here, you seem most like one who could easily come up with something to be sold at bookstores. I always take chaopters apart on my own, and I have all your chapters saved on MW just to take them apart. Look what I found for this chapter.

Our never-say-die hero embodied the stuff that dreams are made of, coupled with the happy demeanour reminiscent of a diabetic patient on dialysis for too long.
This is a brilliant line, and yet not one which is easily deciphered. You have Ash saying something optimistic, and yet are sarcastic enough to have him look sad. Very effective subtle characterisation. You do it very well, perhaps too well. A lot of people are going to miss that.

The description of Ash and his pokemon was pretty smart as well, because you let readers know what you think of these characters, so they think along your lines, and yet leave out some info, so that readers fill in the rest on their own. Nice.

The following scene must be done anime-style, and the screen must be darkened even then, for it was an example of pure gratuitous violence, but which had an important part of the story to fill out and thus could not be cut out entirely; out of element, but certainly not out of place.
This had Lemony Snichkets written all over it.

A straw-coloured entity flashed by from directly behind Dusclops, sending chunks of ice skywards for all of a few seconds, with the yellow tail glowing white and slamming into the exposed back of Dusclops, even as our hero stood still with mouth hitting the ice anime style, scarcely believing what had just occurred, remnants of the battle against Sabrina flooding back to haunt him.
The single smartest line in the whole chappie. Why? You go on about an iron tail attack, and divert attention using Alakazam's abilities and Ash's reaction. Gladly, I did not miss the foreshadowing there. I missed it, but it suddenly hit me when I read this for the third time. Brilliant lead-in for Ash's strategy.

Victor E. Reyes, for all his emphasized and highlighted abilities, clearly missed that which was occurring right beneath his nose, as he failed to notice that our heroine’s tan had given way to a deep shade of magenta, with veins bulging till she looked as though she would sooner pop every blood vessel in her face and die of hemorrhage than open her mouth to speak. Somehow, the latter was achieved, without the prophesied vessel popping.
Very classy, again. A great description, with subtle humour. I appreciate that.

As someone has already said, every one of your battles has been very special indeed, and I do agree that more people need to read about them. They surpass any I have read thus far. Good luck with your work, and never let jealousy get to you. Older reviewers like me do appreciate your ability and we understand you more, but not everyone will extend that same udnerstanding. Take care! "D
 
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mindripper

Guest
Well, yeah there are a lot of subtle references in there. I never say anything about them unless asked. There have been many more in previous chappies, which were unmentioned. I'm not gonna just list them out, y'know.

Oh, and I do like victor's character as well. He was fun to write, and will appear again in the future. Look out for it.
 
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olio

Guest
I like this fic. I laughed a lot. Description is good. Battles are well written. Can comeone tell me which other fics are good?
 

xsweet_peax

+kiss of an angel+
wow...awesome chapter! I really liked the ending XD I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
 

billy5772

SENIOR
Okay, I'm back with chapter 7 review! I must say, sk0rpripper, this was a pretty good chapter. I liked the battle, and Victor's appearance and introduction was funny in that Pokemon anime kinda way which you do so well. The whole thing has remained very true to the anime style of things. (and feel free to hit me on the head with a mallet if this is a dumb question, but does misty really pull out mallets in the show? 'Cause that's crazy!) I mean, this can really be seen in the villain. There aren't any really evil-to-the-core villains in the show; they all have that kind of comedic aura about them, never being wholly evil. You did a good job of keeping victor true to that trend in the anime. Okay, here are some mistakes I found.

Ash Ketchum does has the rare ability to remain competitive even with basic Pokemon
Should be “…Ketchum does have” or “…Ketchum has…”

Brings new meaning to the word speed, being extremely quick and dexterous in the air.
I’m not sure if “dexterous” was the best word to use here. I mean, it obviously has origins referring to being competent with the hands, and not necessarily just generally skilled. I just don’t think it was the perfect fit.

…, and his none-to-pleased reaction itself was enough
Should be “none-too-pleased”

know that eating ice cream with the spoons
Did I inspire you with all those ice cream similes?! I have left my mark on the fic! If I had nothing to do with it, disregard this part of the review.

…would not be able to easily differentiate truth from falsity easily.
You used “easily” twice.

Obeying the command instantly, Dusclops did an about turn
I think the correct phrase is “an about face”.

Okay, that's it!
 

FloatingFlames

Lovable Narcissist
Hey, just dropping by to review the sixth chapter. Best chapter yet, in my opinion, because I love reading battles. And this one took up half the chapter! Man. I liked this one more than the fight between Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan, although that battle was something as well. I personally enjoyed your description of Dream Eater, that was spectacular, pineripper, man! The skill swap was a nice touch too. I usually skim read most battles, but this one was really creative. Also, the second half wasn't that bad either, it had several humorous moments, especially Brock's dream. It's great how you add action with humor in the way you do, makes for a great story. Props to you for your imaginitive writing style.

I found one mistake, if you'll allow me to nitpick:

“Gengar, avoid the attack and use hypnosis”
You forgot to add a period at the end.

The length of chapter seven frightens me a bit, but I'll get around to it sometime soon. Good luck with the later chapters.
 
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pinetree

Guest
Pineripper: What the hell is that about? Lol. Any association is better than none, IMO. But someone beter tell me what that was about.

Btw I can review fics if anyone wants. Just PM me. I can do about 3 in a weel, unless I got papers to study for. I will tell u if I can do it.
 
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