Hey, a random thoguht came into my head and this oneshot is what it became. Here's some things you mgiht wanna understand first: Yes, it relates to my fic and has some fic spoilers. Also, this oneshot doesn't have a determined place within my fic. Though it definitely takes place after chapter 13 of my fic. You also might pick up some new information and stuff...
Yeah, this oneshot's kinda like a Shinji's reflection kinda thing. And I released it as being separate to my fic because it was a special that didn't have a determined place in the storyline. You could say this is kinda like a deleted scene...
In fact, I do have quite a few scenes that were gonna be in Except Me but I cut 'em out for various reasons. Like there was going to be a scene where Mikuri-sensei forced Hikari and Shinji to sing a duet! >DDDD And there's some bowling tournament scenes that I missed out because I didn't want to drag out the tournament too much.
Anyway, if you haven't read my fic, just treat this as some random Shinji's insight into life and jazz, I guess. And uh, the shippings that get noted here are Ikarishipping, Shinji x Kimi and Ironwill gets a mention here too...
Well, enjoy and please review too! =D
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shinji’s POV
I tried to think about this. It all seemed too trivial. What was I supposed to think? Everytime I walked across the school, I’d see different faces everywhere, some I recognise and some that seem completely new to me.
It was only a year ago since I arrived at Aomizu High. Brushing that incident with Satoshi aside, I was then known throughout the school as the genius who was also the outcast. Nobody dared approach me and those who did ridiculed me and my actions.
Not once did I act like I cared for what they thought. I was cold as ice and nothing could melt me. Never was I going to show how I felt. Even if deep down, their words hurt, I would put up a front.
Why did I end up being this way? It always felt strange knowing that my older brother was generally a cheerful guy and I wasn’t like him. Did it start from my keeping to myself that then triggered a lack of social abilities? I used to be afraid of talking to others but it didn’t take long for me to learn that if I acted like I didn’t care, my fears would die down and people wouldn’t bother me so much.
All along I knew why I was the way I am. Not even in my thoughts would I mention it. All I kept in mind was that I started out weak but if I keep to being the way I was back in my first year at Aomizu High, I would remain a
strong person.
So in my first year at Aomizu High, I kept to myself and remained indifferent to everyone I talked to. I knew that nobody would like me this way, but back then, I didn’t know any other way.
It was like I shrouded myself in darkness because it was the easy thing to do. Looking back on the way I was, would I even regard myself as strong if I stayed like that? Would a strong person keep to themselves and not open up and be honest with themselves either? I doubt it. I doubt it so much that I question how I was once like that.
Even now, even with what’s changed, I still can’t find a way. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong but only what I believe is the thing to do. And yet doubting my own beliefs frustrates me to the point of breaking.
And yet there’s a wall that keeps me from the truth and what won’t let me truly accept other people. There’s only light trying to crack through. And in my second year, I just had to accept that not only was this person going to affect my wall, her name meant ‘light’ also.
The day I kissed her was also the day I realised that something had to be done with myself. Until then, I spent my life on the sidelines, only knowing what I wanted dealt with and what I wanted done but never having the guts to jump out at it.
I talk of finding people like Satoshi and Shigeru annoying but not once have I done anything to make them less annoying, thus changing my way of thinking. That day made me realise that something had to be done about it all and that gave me the motivation to change.
But at the same time, I felt my guard was weakening. People were only getting more annoying than ever. My resolve for making change kept swaying from definite to unsure. This confusion that I kept locked up inside of me made me wonder if I really deserved a person who not only understood that I wanted change, but someone who also wanted change.
When I saw that this girl wasn’t going to back down and in fact, wanted to kick Shigeru’s *** like I did, I knew that I wasn’t the only one who had these ideals. Accepting to get revenge on Shigeru with her was something major for me. I willingly chose to team up with someone. We had the same goals and we were going to fight for these changes to be made.
Doing something whilst working together with another person was an all new experience for me. It brought some satisfaction that I didn’t understand. But no, I wasn’t going to admit that this girl was adding to my life.
More people were approaching me, I was interacting with people. Deep down, I knew that I was gradually keeping to myself less and less and talking to more and more different people. Maybe I was even becoming a nicer person. No. I haven’t completely changed.
I accepted what this girl was doing but I didn’t know how to accept the girl herself. People think that I’m falling for her of something, but I don’t know. My guard had weakened down so much that I’m being talked about in such a way and that made me feel the subject of ridicule once more.
Now I don’t know whether Hikari is going to be my saviour of sorts or just there to take me through the first few steps of change. Ever since she went off and us working together with revenge on Shigeru all went out the window, I don’t know what she is to me.
Maybe it was all figured out. Someone realised that perhaps I didn’t deserve her and so she was taken away. Of course it just had to be that senior Gen, right? Popular, good looking guys are always going to get the girl. Everytime. After all, how was Shigeru able to score so many girls? It surely wasn’t with just that irritating personality of his, right? If it was, this world is screwed
over.
But why, as Hikari was slowly disappearing back and making my life slowly tread to how it was before, did another girl come out and talk to me? What made her decide that I was approachable at that time and not other times? I decided it was pure evidence that I had been changing.
That other girl, was Kimi Kurozaki. She’s a strange girl who never really displays her attention or feelings. It wasn’t long before I sensed some qualities in her that I saw in myself. The way she preferred to keep to herself. The way she wouldn’t express how she truly feels. It almost bothered me that I found someone who has qualities I have but it also made her more intriguing. I also noticed that she obviously hasn’t had anyone to pull her out and force changes in her. Almost makes me wonder if she’s avoiding doing so.
Why did I take interest in her? It wasn’t infatuation. It was more that I wanted to see someone like me tackle through life. I wanted to keep observing to see if I’d ever catch her being pushed to her limit. Even though it’s said that if you watch something, nothing happens but the moment you turn your head, something does, I don’t believe that.
Yet at the same time, if you want something to happen, you have to set out and make something happen. Thinking that only confuses the heck out of me more.
Two people. One is off with Mister Dreamboat having the most romantic time of her life and the other is in a marriage she doesn’t like yet won’t do anything to prevent. I feel so in-between. I didn’t want Hikari to take her chances with a fling that’ll be over in no time and leave her heartbroken afterwards. I didn’t want Kimi to be how I once was and let things slide without taking action.
Since when did I care? The fact that I’m thinking this only confirms that Hikari has truly melted some of the ice that kept me from the rest of the world. That’s also why I can’t stand that she’s being troublesome and trying to exit my life. Nobody crosses my path and leaves me in a mess that I have to clean up myself.
Once you change my life, Hikari, I can’t go back to how I once was. And so my mind was made up.
I stood up and exited my dormitory room, leaving it empty and alone. Pacing through the hallway, I knew exactly who I was going to meet. Along the hallway was a window. Looking outside, I could see a long way across the school.
Is that...? I looked away. For a moment, I was sure I saw Hikari. With Gen.
And once I decided that was what I saw, I wasn’t going to continue to look.
I am no longer going to dwell over pointless things or even the meaningful things. I’m not going to care. So what if Reiji once changed schools because he couldn’t put up with looking after me? He’s moving back soon, but I still don’t care. I don’t need to rely on my brother any longer.
It’s my turn to step up, to take the lead and take charge. I’ve had enough of sitting around watching things happen without me.
As I left the dormitory building area, I made my way across the basketball court. The sky was grey and cloudy, as rain drops showered down upon me. Strands of my hair stuck to my face, almost getting in my eyes and disrupting my view ahead of me.
Eventually, I reached a shelter where who I wanted to see was standing under. I remember her once saying that when it’s rainy, she likes to read there because everybody else would be inside, and she’d get some peace and quiet.
“So you came after all...?” a voice penetrated my thoughts. She probably heard me coming. “Huh.” Kimi closed her book and stared at me with her bright emerald eyes. “So you’ve made up your mind.”
“I think it’s time you made up yours,” I snapped, stepping into the shelter and leaning on the wall beside her.
Kimi hesitated for a moment. During her moment of silence, she shoved her book into her book bag, which lay on the ground next to her. “...What I’m doing is none of your business.”
“And yet you’re the one who told me I should make up my mind on what I’m doing with my life!” I pointed out, irritably. She wouldn’t reply but just by looking at her eyes, I could tell that she had nothing to say towards what I pointed out to her. I rolled my eyes and added, “Anyway, I had made up my mind.”
“You thought over everything then, I assume?”
I sighed. “I thought so much before coming there that I’m getting sick of thinking.”
I could sense a tiny smile upon Kimi’s lips but it disappeared quickly. “So what do you plan to do about Hikari-san?”
For a moment, I tried to find the words. I was sure my mind was made up. Someday, I knew that I’d have to make up my mind, even on the rare uneventful days like these. What do I think? How do I feel? All I knew is that I didn’t quite understand myself, but I wasn’t going to give up either.
“I can assure you that... I won’t be running away. I don’t care that it’s Hikari. It could’ve been anyone that brought changes to my life. It just happened to be her, didn’t it? In regards to who it is, I must be unlucky and yet, I’m lucky because of the opportunity that’ll come in future.”
“...So you’ll fight... for Hikari-san?”
I shrugged. “However you want to word it as.” Kimi suddenly placed a hand on my shoulder. She didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell whether she wanted to say something or not. She seemed to be debating in her mind whether to or not. But in any case, I chose what it looked like she meant. “Yeah, you too...”
Her eyes widened with surprise as her hand fell from my shoulder and back to her side. I sensed that the conversation was over for now.
It really is trivial. How one can influence another life, how one can understand another without needing words, how we can reflect over things on the most uneventful of days and come out with some form of truth.
All that is left is to not just throw my words out there, but go along with them too.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Well, how'd you like that? I can't believe most of that oneshot was just Shinji's thoughts. Geez, Shinji. >>
Anyway, I'll jot down some ideas I had for the next special:
- A Christmas special (likely to be a twoshot of sorts)
- A 'Kaze No Message' special. Remember how Gen recommended that song to Kengo in my fic? Yeah. XD
- A New Year's Special (probably gonna be a twoshot as well)
- Guide to Dating special (let's just say that Shigeru has got a crazy plan here... XD)
- Truth and Dare special
So out of the above, please tell me which ones you want written the most in your review please! =D
Thanks for reading and Adios!
Yeah, this oneshot's kinda like a Shinji's reflection kinda thing. And I released it as being separate to my fic because it was a special that didn't have a determined place in the storyline. You could say this is kinda like a deleted scene...
In fact, I do have quite a few scenes that were gonna be in Except Me but I cut 'em out for various reasons. Like there was going to be a scene where Mikuri-sensei forced Hikari and Shinji to sing a duet! >DDDD And there's some bowling tournament scenes that I missed out because I didn't want to drag out the tournament too much.
Anyway, if you haven't read my fic, just treat this as some random Shinji's insight into life and jazz, I guess. And uh, the shippings that get noted here are Ikarishipping, Shinji x Kimi and Ironwill gets a mention here too...
Well, enjoy and please review too! =D
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Shinji’s POV
I tried to think about this. It all seemed too trivial. What was I supposed to think? Everytime I walked across the school, I’d see different faces everywhere, some I recognise and some that seem completely new to me.
It was only a year ago since I arrived at Aomizu High. Brushing that incident with Satoshi aside, I was then known throughout the school as the genius who was also the outcast. Nobody dared approach me and those who did ridiculed me and my actions.
Not once did I act like I cared for what they thought. I was cold as ice and nothing could melt me. Never was I going to show how I felt. Even if deep down, their words hurt, I would put up a front.
Why did I end up being this way? It always felt strange knowing that my older brother was generally a cheerful guy and I wasn’t like him. Did it start from my keeping to myself that then triggered a lack of social abilities? I used to be afraid of talking to others but it didn’t take long for me to learn that if I acted like I didn’t care, my fears would die down and people wouldn’t bother me so much.
All along I knew why I was the way I am. Not even in my thoughts would I mention it. All I kept in mind was that I started out weak but if I keep to being the way I was back in my first year at Aomizu High, I would remain a
strong person.
So in my first year at Aomizu High, I kept to myself and remained indifferent to everyone I talked to. I knew that nobody would like me this way, but back then, I didn’t know any other way.
It was like I shrouded myself in darkness because it was the easy thing to do. Looking back on the way I was, would I even regard myself as strong if I stayed like that? Would a strong person keep to themselves and not open up and be honest with themselves either? I doubt it. I doubt it so much that I question how I was once like that.
Even now, even with what’s changed, I still can’t find a way. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong but only what I believe is the thing to do. And yet doubting my own beliefs frustrates me to the point of breaking.
And yet there’s a wall that keeps me from the truth and what won’t let me truly accept other people. There’s only light trying to crack through. And in my second year, I just had to accept that not only was this person going to affect my wall, her name meant ‘light’ also.
The day I kissed her was also the day I realised that something had to be done with myself. Until then, I spent my life on the sidelines, only knowing what I wanted dealt with and what I wanted done but never having the guts to jump out at it.
I talk of finding people like Satoshi and Shigeru annoying but not once have I done anything to make them less annoying, thus changing my way of thinking. That day made me realise that something had to be done about it all and that gave me the motivation to change.
But at the same time, I felt my guard was weakening. People were only getting more annoying than ever. My resolve for making change kept swaying from definite to unsure. This confusion that I kept locked up inside of me made me wonder if I really deserved a person who not only understood that I wanted change, but someone who also wanted change.
When I saw that this girl wasn’t going to back down and in fact, wanted to kick Shigeru’s *** like I did, I knew that I wasn’t the only one who had these ideals. Accepting to get revenge on Shigeru with her was something major for me. I willingly chose to team up with someone. We had the same goals and we were going to fight for these changes to be made.
Doing something whilst working together with another person was an all new experience for me. It brought some satisfaction that I didn’t understand. But no, I wasn’t going to admit that this girl was adding to my life.
More people were approaching me, I was interacting with people. Deep down, I knew that I was gradually keeping to myself less and less and talking to more and more different people. Maybe I was even becoming a nicer person. No. I haven’t completely changed.
I accepted what this girl was doing but I didn’t know how to accept the girl herself. People think that I’m falling for her of something, but I don’t know. My guard had weakened down so much that I’m being talked about in such a way and that made me feel the subject of ridicule once more.
Now I don’t know whether Hikari is going to be my saviour of sorts or just there to take me through the first few steps of change. Ever since she went off and us working together with revenge on Shigeru all went out the window, I don’t know what she is to me.
Maybe it was all figured out. Someone realised that perhaps I didn’t deserve her and so she was taken away. Of course it just had to be that senior Gen, right? Popular, good looking guys are always going to get the girl. Everytime. After all, how was Shigeru able to score so many girls? It surely wasn’t with just that irritating personality of his, right? If it was, this world is screwed
over.
But why, as Hikari was slowly disappearing back and making my life slowly tread to how it was before, did another girl come out and talk to me? What made her decide that I was approachable at that time and not other times? I decided it was pure evidence that I had been changing.
That other girl, was Kimi Kurozaki. She’s a strange girl who never really displays her attention or feelings. It wasn’t long before I sensed some qualities in her that I saw in myself. The way she preferred to keep to herself. The way she wouldn’t express how she truly feels. It almost bothered me that I found someone who has qualities I have but it also made her more intriguing. I also noticed that she obviously hasn’t had anyone to pull her out and force changes in her. Almost makes me wonder if she’s avoiding doing so.
Why did I take interest in her? It wasn’t infatuation. It was more that I wanted to see someone like me tackle through life. I wanted to keep observing to see if I’d ever catch her being pushed to her limit. Even though it’s said that if you watch something, nothing happens but the moment you turn your head, something does, I don’t believe that.
Yet at the same time, if you want something to happen, you have to set out and make something happen. Thinking that only confuses the heck out of me more.
Two people. One is off with Mister Dreamboat having the most romantic time of her life and the other is in a marriage she doesn’t like yet won’t do anything to prevent. I feel so in-between. I didn’t want Hikari to take her chances with a fling that’ll be over in no time and leave her heartbroken afterwards. I didn’t want Kimi to be how I once was and let things slide without taking action.
Since when did I care? The fact that I’m thinking this only confirms that Hikari has truly melted some of the ice that kept me from the rest of the world. That’s also why I can’t stand that she’s being troublesome and trying to exit my life. Nobody crosses my path and leaves me in a mess that I have to clean up myself.
Once you change my life, Hikari, I can’t go back to how I once was. And so my mind was made up.
I stood up and exited my dormitory room, leaving it empty and alone. Pacing through the hallway, I knew exactly who I was going to meet. Along the hallway was a window. Looking outside, I could see a long way across the school.
Is that...? I looked away. For a moment, I was sure I saw Hikari. With Gen.
And once I decided that was what I saw, I wasn’t going to continue to look.
I am no longer going to dwell over pointless things or even the meaningful things. I’m not going to care. So what if Reiji once changed schools because he couldn’t put up with looking after me? He’s moving back soon, but I still don’t care. I don’t need to rely on my brother any longer.
It’s my turn to step up, to take the lead and take charge. I’ve had enough of sitting around watching things happen without me.
As I left the dormitory building area, I made my way across the basketball court. The sky was grey and cloudy, as rain drops showered down upon me. Strands of my hair stuck to my face, almost getting in my eyes and disrupting my view ahead of me.
Eventually, I reached a shelter where who I wanted to see was standing under. I remember her once saying that when it’s rainy, she likes to read there because everybody else would be inside, and she’d get some peace and quiet.
“So you came after all...?” a voice penetrated my thoughts. She probably heard me coming. “Huh.” Kimi closed her book and stared at me with her bright emerald eyes. “So you’ve made up your mind.”
“I think it’s time you made up yours,” I snapped, stepping into the shelter and leaning on the wall beside her.
Kimi hesitated for a moment. During her moment of silence, she shoved her book into her book bag, which lay on the ground next to her. “...What I’m doing is none of your business.”
“And yet you’re the one who told me I should make up my mind on what I’m doing with my life!” I pointed out, irritably. She wouldn’t reply but just by looking at her eyes, I could tell that she had nothing to say towards what I pointed out to her. I rolled my eyes and added, “Anyway, I had made up my mind.”
“You thought over everything then, I assume?”
I sighed. “I thought so much before coming there that I’m getting sick of thinking.”
I could sense a tiny smile upon Kimi’s lips but it disappeared quickly. “So what do you plan to do about Hikari-san?”
For a moment, I tried to find the words. I was sure my mind was made up. Someday, I knew that I’d have to make up my mind, even on the rare uneventful days like these. What do I think? How do I feel? All I knew is that I didn’t quite understand myself, but I wasn’t going to give up either.
“I can assure you that... I won’t be running away. I don’t care that it’s Hikari. It could’ve been anyone that brought changes to my life. It just happened to be her, didn’t it? In regards to who it is, I must be unlucky and yet, I’m lucky because of the opportunity that’ll come in future.”
“...So you’ll fight... for Hikari-san?”
I shrugged. “However you want to word it as.” Kimi suddenly placed a hand on my shoulder. She didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell whether she wanted to say something or not. She seemed to be debating in her mind whether to or not. But in any case, I chose what it looked like she meant. “Yeah, you too...”
Her eyes widened with surprise as her hand fell from my shoulder and back to her side. I sensed that the conversation was over for now.
It really is trivial. How one can influence another life, how one can understand another without needing words, how we can reflect over things on the most uneventful of days and come out with some form of truth.
All that is left is to not just throw my words out there, but go along with them too.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Well, how'd you like that? I can't believe most of that oneshot was just Shinji's thoughts. Geez, Shinji. >>
Anyway, I'll jot down some ideas I had for the next special:
- A Christmas special (likely to be a twoshot of sorts)
- A 'Kaze No Message' special. Remember how Gen recommended that song to Kengo in my fic? Yeah. XD
- A New Year's Special (probably gonna be a twoshot as well)
- Guide to Dating special (let's just say that Shigeru has got a crazy plan here... XD)
- Truth and Dare special
So out of the above, please tell me which ones you want written the most in your review please! =D
Thanks for reading and Adios!
Muhahaha... or it turns out she likes Gen.