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Two Sides, One Goal, Revenge (PG-15)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Lucarimew1, Sep 24, 2011.

  1. Lucarimew1

    Lucarimew1 Banned

    Contents

    Prologue:Undercover Agent-First Post
    Chapter 1: Starship Battleshark-Second Post
    Chapter 2: Earth-Forth Post
    Chapter 3: Surprise Attack- Coming soon
    This is my first fanfiction and it's about pokemon. In the story pokemon are clever enough to learn earth languages but the humans are still in control. It is set on earth and the story travels through France and Britain. There are some horrible scences in this but the story has a lot of mytery and betrayal to it. Here is the Prologue.

    Prologue: Undercover Agent

    South France. In the Alps, on the border between Italy. A helicopter wreckage sat in the lower regions of the mountains. There was no identification of where the helicopter came from and there were no signs of life. The nearest civilisation was half an hour away and too far to walk. If anyone had survived this crash they were long gone. Further down in the mountains there was a castle, which seemed to be unusually populated by men dressed in black and red uniforms. They were also Pokémon who were black and red.

    A young man walked up to one of the larger Pokémon and asked whether he could be a member of this weird organisation. The Pokémon took him inside the castle and showed him to a throne room. In the room there was a man in his mid 30’s and wore a uniform that showed he was the boss around here. The two men greeted each other and then started to talk to one another.

    “Hello, my name is Carlos and what is yours?” he asked the young man.

    “My name is James. I was a member of the army” he replied, cleverly lying about his previous job.

    “Welcome James. As you can probably tell we operate in secrecy here in the Alps. We like it here in the Alps because it hides our activities from the rest of the world. Before you ask yes we are criminal organisation. One of our commanders will show you round the castle.”

    One of the commanders, Tyranitar came into the room. Just before he left with James, Carlos said something back to James.

    “Welcome to Team Darkness James”
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2011
  2. Lucarimew1

    Lucarimew1 Banned

    Chapter 1: Starship Battleshark

    1300 hours. HMS Starship Battleshark. One of the best starships in the World Special Defence (WSD for short) fleet. It carried over 100 crewmen (including the captain), 200 soldiers, 10 scientists, and more. It was also well defended with laser turrets and lock on missiles. Although the starship had capabilities of flying into space, it was always found flying in the stratosphere where most jet planes fly. It looked very much like a huge flying shark. The top floors were the dorsal fin and the wings were the other fins. The front of the starship had been painted to look like a shark’s mouth. The whole starship was owned by one loyal man, Scar. He was very loyal to the Queen of England, where the starship was built, and had to name it ‘Her Majesty’s Ship Starship Battleshark’.

    Scar was sitting on a chair in the hospital ward waiting for Blissey to give him some pain killers. He had obtained a scar a few years ago when he was attacked by someone, which tended to throb in the early afternoon. He was a strong hearted man and wasn’t going let this bring him down. The scar was on the left side of his face, very close to his eye. This had given him his name. He had always sworn he would have revenge on his attacker, one way or another.

    “There you go, Scar. Take one every morning” said Blissey as she came over to Scar.
    “Thank you” Scar replied.

    Scar stood up and walked out of the hospital ward into the main corridor. His Pokémon companion Lucario was waiting for him outside the entrance to the hospital. He was holding a file in his right paw, which he handed to Scar as they walked along the main corridor. The main corridor stretched the length of the ship and had many other corridors going to different places coming off the sides. They walked to the lift shaft and pushed the button for the top floor. Lucario always walked slightly behind Scar as if he was protecting a high status figure.

    “I think you should read that, sir” said Lucario. He had a low voice and spoke in a non-demanding way. He always asked someone to do something instead of telling them to do it. He preferred to take orders rather than give them.

    “I shall read it in my office. How important is it?”

    “Very important and classified, sir”

    The only room on the top floor was Scar’s living quarters and his office. These were the parts of the dorsal fin on the ship. His office was the first room on the top floor and had a view of the whole top half of the starship. Scar sat down by his desk and Lucario stood behind him and relaxed. Scar opened the file and began to read it. He discovered this file was classified beyond top secret and he needed to let the head of WSD know.
    “Hmm the boss will need to see this” he said eventually, then stood up and looked out the window.

    “I’ll get your ship ready. Any escorts, sir?”

    “Take that file with you Lucario and I’ll only need two soldiers.”

    Lucario walked with some authority out the room. Scar walked into his bedroom and typed a code into the screen on the wall. The wall split and opened. Behind the wall was a room full of Scar’s personal weapons and gadgets. He collected a pistol and a few gadgets, which he shoved in his pocket. He took his black cape and put it on. Then he walked out the room as the walls closed behind him. He came back into his office and turned off the computer and walked out of the room. His office fell silent and there was only the sound of the wind whistling outside.
     
  3. ZoruaBoo

    ZoruaBoo *slaps younger me*

    Great story, but it felt like it was stopping and starting all the time. This happens when you use too many full stops, use commas more often or a semicolon. The descriptions in there are detailed and you gave characters a bit of personality without giving too much away. I find the chapters a bit short, that is something to work on.

    It's quite hard to read with all of the full stops, so try to use connectives, it will make the story more enjoyable to read. Good start though, I can't wait to see where the story will lead.
     
  4. Lucarimew1

    Lucarimew1 Banned

    Chapter 2: Earth

    Pokémon and humans had been living side by side for as long as people can remember and there hadn’t many arguments. All across the world Pokémon played with children and helped adults with their jobs. There were many people who adored Pokémon so much they had them as permanent companions. There were Pokémon helping teenagers with their homework, especially languages. There were Pokémon teachers but they only taught how to catch, befriend and battle with Pokémon.

    A young girl was playing with her Arcanine in some fields just outside her village. They were chatting about things and occasionally burst into laughter. The young girl had long brown hair and wore a top and shorts. She never wore makeup and still looked like an angel. She burst into laughter again, her face grinning with a gleeful smile. She stopped laughing and calmed down, then turned to Arcanine and they started to chat again.

    “I don’t know about tomorrow”, the girl said in a calm tone.

    “What are you unsure about Elysia?”

    “Well, I don’t know how well this will go”, Elysia replied

    “He does love you, Elysia. He saved your life two years ago”, said Arcanine as she sat down next to her. “Just keep telling yourself it will be fine”

    “I’m just worried about getting attacked again”

    “He’s a figure of authority. He’ll have bodyguards. Then again he’ll be off duty so he probably won’t have protection.”

    “This isn’t helping”, said Elysia, raising her voice. “I’d rather talk about something else, this is getting me down”

    “I’ll just shut up about that then”. Then she suddenly burst into laughter again.“I mean that was quite funny when he tried to surf across your pond when it froze over last winter”,

    “Yep, and he flew forwards when he hit the other side”, she said while laughing in between words. They both carried on laughing for a while. Until half an hour later they realized what time it was and got up. Elysia climbed onto Arcanine’s back and they travelled back home. Her parents were waiting for them back at home. Her parents had a Pokémon companion between them, but he was out tonight.

    “Come on you two, sit down and have some dinner” her mum said as they walked through the back door, Arcanine panting. She shouted something into the study and then went back to serving dinner. Elysia sat down at the table, patiently waiting to be served.
    .......................................................................................................................................
    There was only room for two people in Scar’s personal ship. Scar sat in the driver’s seat and Lucario sat in the passenger seat. The passenger seat could swivel round to the back of the ship. Lucario checked everything was there and turned around to face the front. They safely landed their ship in the HQ compound and got out and waited for the escorts to arrive.

    The Headquarters main building was at least 50 floors high and each floor was made slightly smaller than the one underneath to make the building look like a pyramid. The main building was surrounded by a compound of other buildings. The compound contained landing areas and structures with turrets on top of them. The guards looked a little too relaxed and didn’t seem to notice that Scar had landed his ship. It usually meant something was wrong if Scar came into the HQ escorted by his soldiers. Finally his escorts arrived and he called for a car into the HQ. Within minutes the car arrived and they stepped inside. The boss had made a simple but effective system of keeping out unwanted visitors.

    They arrived in the HQ after a lot of security stops. They all stepped into the main lift and proceeded towards the top floor. They arrived at the top floor. They walked along the corridor and reached the boss’s office door.

    “Do you have the file?”, Scar asked making sure everything was going to plan.

    “Yes sir, it is here”, replied Lucario as he gave the file to Scar.

    Scar told his escorts to wait outside. He entered the room and found the boss sitting on his chair looking out the window onto the compound below. He didn’t turn around but did seem to notice Scar and Lucario had walked in. He said something under his breath and Scar knew what he meant. The boss was Scar’s father after all and they only talked when international security was at stake, although occasionally they did talk about other stuff. When scar was on working with his father, he called him ‘sir’ instead of ‘dad’ or ‘father’.

    “This is the third one this month, sir”, Scar said while placing the file next to the others that were on the table.

    “Are you able to analyze these files tomorrow. I am busy tomorrow checking the rest of the fleet.” He paused for a moment then carried on. “Yours is the only starship that rarely comes down for service.”

    “Sorry I’m busy tomorrow but I know someone who can” Scar replied.

    “What are you doing?” The boss asked.

    “I’m taking my girlfriend out for lunch tomorrow, haven’t I told you already?”,
    “Ah yes you did tell me”, his voice changed tone and he became more informal. “Come here son”

    Scar walked over to the window and stood next to his father. His father put his arm round Scar and started speaking. “Scar when I retire you and your girl can have all of this” He let a big sigh and turned more formal again. “Take those files back with you to your starship and get them analyzed, I need to know more”

    “Yes sir” Scar said as he went to take the files from the desk. He walked out the office entrance followed by Lucario. As he came into the corridor and walked towards the lift shaft, his escorts followed him. They all went back to the landing area where they had landed their ships. Scar and Lucario flew back to the starship followed by their escorts. The HQ was left to guard of the soldiers and resumed its usual work.
     
  5. Lucarimew1

    Lucarimew1 Banned

    Chapter 3 Surprise attack

    Elysia was waiting at home for her boyfriend to arrive. It was half past twelve and she had been waiting for ten minutes. She had got ready before her boyfriend was meant to arrive. Arcanine was lying down outside in the back garden. She smiled at Elysia giving her some encouragement. Finally he arrived. He was wearing a black cape and a Lucario stood behind him. He had arrived in two cars. One for transporting them to their destination and the other was an escort car with some of his security inside. Elysia went to greet her boyfriend.

    “Hi beautiful” Scar said smiling.

    “Ah shut up. See you later mum. Bye.” Elysia shouted back into the house before she closed the door. They all got into the car and set off. The escort car followed behind them. Scar and Elysia were sitting on one side of the car facing Lucario who listening to their conversation. “Why did you bring an escort car?” Elysia said eventually

    “That car is following us because they have an assignment near our destination” Scar replied. “The only protection we will have today is Lucario”

    Elysia kissed Scar then tried to say something when she was interrupted by the driver saying they had arrived. They both got out and walked hand in hand into the cafe. Lucario came in afterwards. The cars drove off and they were left alone. Scar went to the waiter and asked for a table for two.

    “What about your Pokémon?”, asked the waiter

    “I’ll have a table on my own”, replied Lucario.

    The waiter showed them to their tables and came with the lunch menus. Elysia and Scar ordered some food and drink. Lucario just ordered some orange juice. Scar looked at his watch it was ten to one. Elysia drank some tea then started to say something. “Thanks for taking me out today”, she said smiling at Scar.

    “Well it is the least I could do”, Scar replied then drank some of his own tea. He looked around the room. The cafe was full and he could only see a few empty seats. He noticed Lucario sitting on his own with his glass of orange juice half-heartedly reading a newspaper. He looked at the clock again and it was now one o’ clock. Before he had chance to say something there was a loud crashing sound as the cafe windows smashed. Everyone ducked under their tables. Scar took a peek at what was happening. He saw three men standing by the cafe entrance. They were each holding a gun. One had a Thompson sub-machine gun and the others had pistols. He glanced back around the room to find Lucario eyeing the three men. One of them fired a few bullets around the room, the last aimed for Lucario. Lucario used an aura sphere back against the bullet, sending it back at the man but it missed.

    Scar took out his pistol and loaded it with some ammo. “Elysia trust me. We have to get out of here...”, he was interrupted as a bullet flew right past them and hit a women frantically trying to get to safety. “...Lucario will cover us and I have my own weapon”, said Scar trying to comfort Elysia, who was trying to hide her tears.

    “Go now!” Lucario shouted to them, as he fired more aura spheres at the men.

    Scar and Elysia ran for the door. Scar tripped behind the men and fell onto some semi-sharp glass. He got up and ran towards Elysia. They ran out of town and into a field where the men lost them. They had run while being fired at. Luckily they weren’t very good shots and tended to miss. When they were sure the coast was clear they began to talk. “Call your parents, if I call for assistance they can track us.” Scar said gasping for air.

    “OK”

    Elysia got out her phone and rang her parents. “Oh, hi mum, can you come to pick me and my boyfriend up. We’ve just been attacked.”, said Elysia into the phone.

    “I will come straight away. Am I taking you home?”, replied Elysia’s mum. Elysia looked at Scar. Scar took the phone from Elysia.

    “Hi, it is Elysia’s boyfriend, we will need to go back to the cafe. The police will be there by the time we get back there and they will need to question us.”, answered Scar down the phone.

    Elysia’s mum arrived and took them both back to the cafe. When they got there, they saw the devastation the men had caused. The police and paramedics had arrived and were there at the cafe. The people who survived were being checked by the paramedics. The people who weren’t so fortunate lay there still and lifeless in pools of blood. Some of the people who were very lucky to be alive were put on stretchers and taken to hospital in the backs of ambulances. Two of the police officers noticed Scar and Elysia walking towards the cafe.

    “Sir, madam, stop this is a police controlled area”, said one of the officers.

    “We were here when this happened”, replied Scar.

    “You appear to be in possession of an offensive weapon”, remarked the other officer, as he went to arrest Scar. “You are under arrest for possession of an offensive...” he slowed his speech as the air started to feel as if it was getting windy. Then some helicopters landed and some soldiers stepped out. A WSD officer stepped out and walked towards them. “World Special Defence”, said the officer.

    “Never heard of it” the police officers replied unsure.

    “We believe this event in is involved in an international security matter”

    “International security?”, replied the police officers still unsure of what was happening.

    “That’s right, international security. The man you are holding there is lieutenant Scar, my colleague. I advise you let him go”, stated the officer.

    The two police officers let go of Scar and allowed them all to pass through to the crime scene. Scar went over to his Pokémon companion Lucario and helped him up. Lucario had injured his right leg and couldn’t walk on his own.

    “Lieutenant Sam. Take control around here, while I take Lucario and my girlfriend up to my starship. Lucario is injured and needs to be taken to hospital. Can I take one of the helicopters” Scar said as he walked over to Sam.

    “OK, Scar. I will stay here till you come back”, replied Sam.

    Scar helped Lucario onto the helicopter followed by Elysia. “Actually i’ll go back home with my mum, I’ll see you later” she kissed Scar, then went off to her mum and they drove home. As they drove home, Scar and the rest of the people on the helicopter flew off to go back to his starship. Lieutenant Sam was left to organise the searches on the cafe and order soldiers to protect the area. The rest of the helicopters flew off to the headquarters. The devastation left to be controlled by the WSD and the emergency services.
     

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