Two Ways --two friends story

[tactlessdarckcloud]

Well,this is my very first fanfic,so it won´t be the best thing the world had ever seen....if you don´t like,I think you know where to go,now,if you have a worthy comment or help,please say it.for now,everybody can watch,but maybe it turns violent later...and I DON´T OWN POKEMON...I think that´s all..
Enjoy!!


Two Ways -- two friend´s story

Prologue(part 1)

It was a beautiful day in Hoenn. On route 104,wild pokemon play happily,and trainers rest on the grass. However,something was breaking the peace in the heart of Petalburg woods.

"Mai, use falseswipe!" a voice said.

Immediately,a scyther take the order,and hit a Slakoth with an amazing speed.

"Okay,it´s done...now,pokeball,GO!" a girl said while throwing the red and white device.

The pokemon tried to break free,but finally gave up. The girl checked the pokedex,and the little "Slakie" was sent to the PC.

"Cool,this is the 10º pokemon I caught since I've been here," said the girl. She was tall, and her hair was long and dark. She had eyes that were brown and very bright.

Suddenly,she heard somebody asking for help,and she started running to the place the scream came from. When she finally reached there, she saw a man being attacked by a young man with a red cape and hood.

"Give me that!" said the red-caped man,while his Mightyena barked loudly.

"N-no!" The old man was scared, just when he saw the girl getting near. "Help me, please!"

This wasn't the first time she'd have to protect somebody. In her hometown, in the land of Johto, she had fight against some members of Team Rocket to save innocent people. She agreed happily the man's request, and released one of her pokemons.

"Go, Karsh!" A beautiful pidgeot popped out from the pokeball,and patiently waited for his master's orders.

"Karsh, use quick attack!"

"Mightyena, dodge it and use faint attack!"

The pidgeot's movements where quick, however the Mightyena managed to escape, then retaliate with an attack too quick to be seen.

The pidgeot had taken the damage, and just when the Mightyena was about to bite him, he quickly flew up, then strook back with fly,which had easily knocked out the Mightyena.

"You're not a normal girl...who are you?!" the young man with the red cape asked, shaking with fear.

"Me?..."the girl said while her Pidgeot gracefuly landed on her head. "I'm Sei, from Ecruteak, who is going to be the best Pokemon catcher and battler the world has ever seen!"
*****

 

[Yellow Bommen]

Yay! I'm the first to post!

It's pretty good, tactless, and it seems kind of cool, but the plot seems a bit unoriginal, in my opinion. I hope that you'll put more excitement into the next chapters, I'll be sure to read and rate every single one!

~Kelvin

 

[tactlessdarckcloud]

it will,my buddy,it will *evil grin*
if you don´t notice,it´s about me in the pkmn world,and it´ll get some love further..and speaking of further...

Prologue(part 2)

The sun was shining brightly onto the small town of Verdanturf. In the Contest Hall, a contest based purely on coolness is taking place.

4 pokemon were participating in the contest:an aron, a wingull, a poochyena, and a taillow.

In the last round, the aron had almost won the contest, but the taillow was doing well also. The metal pokemon appeals with a take down, which gave it many points. However, the taillow used focus energy and startled the aron, making it lose all the points for that round, granting the victory for the young Tactless and his "Taily".

When he came out from the Contest Hall, a reporter walked near him.

"Hello, may I ask you a few questions?" the man asked the young man.

"Sure, why not," agreed Tactless. He was a tall, young man. His dark hair was collected in a ponytail, and his eyes were small and brown, with a warm look.

"Here we are with the young Tactless, a coordinator from Slateport, who has just started his career some weeks ago."

The reporter introduced the boy to the camera. "How do you feel about that last the contest?" the man asked him.

"It was kinda hard..." answered Tactless.

"There you have it, folks! This young man has spoken his opinion. We'll probably see him in an upcoming contest, where he will probably do just as well as he did today. Until next time!"

After the interview, Tactless started to walk towards route 117.

"Maybe I should go back home..." Tactless thought to himself.
*****
I know it´s kinda lame now,but Tact´s life is gonna change,I swear

 

[Yellow Bommen]

I sure hope that it gets more exciting, the plot still seems unoriginal. But I'll still read 'em, cuz you're a friend, and like you siad, the plot will probably get more exciting. I'll be sure to read some more.

~Kelvin

 

[tactlessdarckcloud]

I´ll send you another chapter if you don´t mind to correct it

 

[SuperShadow]

Sounds good to me. Can you tell us a little deacription of thae characters?

 

[Eternal Daydreamer]

Not bad. But a wee little more description would be nice... If you know what I mean.

 

[Xiang]

You need WAY more description. What does the Petalburg Woods look like? I don't know. You need to describe it to me. What is a Pidgeot? How is it beautiful. I need to be able to create a picture in my mind about what is happening, but there's not NEAR enough for me to visualize anything.

The vocabulary is that of a third grader. Instead of:

His dark hair was collected in a ponytail, and his eyes were small and brown, with a warm look.

, why not do

His lustrious dark hair was lengthy and wrapped into a ponytail and his eyes were practically squinted, but they carried a warm, chocolate color.

And there are some errors. Some Pokemon names need to be capitalized.

 

[tactlessdarckcloud]

yeah,you ALL are right,but I´m not good to do descriptions neaither in panish,and I won´t use a word wrong,so I do it simplish.
And thanks to mailman tongue for helping me with the spelling and grammar(word I didn´t know,BTW).
but I´m writting 1,2 and 3 chapters,and they seems kinda nicer to me

 

[Yellow Bommen]

I sent you a PM, tactless, so go check your PM box.

BTW, I'm just doing this so you don't double-post. ^^

~Kelvin

 

[Xiang]

You could use a thesaurus. At least find a way to show more effort.

 

[blackemerald]

Wow. This needs a lot of work. The first thing I will say is description is like a heart. You cannot expect your fic to be succesful without it, the same with a person dying without a heart. I'm sure you could come up with words more exciting than:Object, colour. Your chapters are too short, make them longer. All pokemon names must be capitalized, as they are names. Overall this doesn't really want to make me read on.

 

[Klaus]

Well, as said before it's kind of unoriginal. But, it did sound ok. All
I must say is that you had quite a few errors but I was able to get over
it but other won't. All in all, it was ok, just put more
description in and it might just be a good one.


As always, be kind to the mime.

 

[tactlessdarckcloud]

wait,it´s YOU!*pointa at klaus*

err,well,it´s true,I´m just starting,pease forgive my errors....and about the originality,believe me,it´s gonna get better(maybe) anyway,mailman is helping me to correct that description thing....here´s another chapter,though

Chapter 1 - Sei´s begin

In the large city of Slateport, Sei was walking thru the streets. She had been buying some things for her Pokemon, and for herself, some dolls. She liked playing with dolls when she was a young girl. Right now, she loved to keep them in her room to make it look nicer.

Just then, she saw some people dressed like the man she meet in Petalburg woods, and decided to follow them into a large building to see what they were up to. Once there, she reconogized it as the famous Slateport museum, and in curiousity, started to walk around. While she was busy walking and taking glimpses of the exhibits, she quickly forgot why she was there, and talked with a man who was telling her about a project for a submarine.

Suddenly, two caped men entered the room, and with no warning whatsoever, sent a Mightyena and a Golbat to fight the girl. Sei thought that it's only fair if she sends two Pokemon to fight as well, and quickly released a Furret and an Umbreon.

"Kyra, body slam!" The Furret charged towards the Mightyena, but the Mightyena was quite fast, and was able to dodge the attack.

"Blackie, bite the Golbat!" As she said this, the Umbreon bit the Golbat like it was waiting for a meal, causing it to faint.

"Now, Blackie, use faint attack, and Kyra, use quick attack!" The fast Mightyena tried to dodge the attacks again, but the Umbreon was faster, and quickly pounded it with an extremely fast faint attack. While the Mightyena was stunned, the Furret used a quick attack on it, causing it to get knocked it out. The two men grunted in frustration, as they retrieved their Pokemon into their pokeballs.

"Fools!" said a voice aproaching from the stairs. A man with a long, red and black coat entered into the room.

"Why?" he asked. "Why must you get in our way? Our goals are pure and kind," he said, probably refering to Sei.

"Which goal?" Sei asked curiously.

"We aim to expand the land mass, but you're too young to understand it..." he answered. "I hope to don't see you again" he finished. That comment annoyed Sei. She hated being treated like a child, while she was already fourteen years old.

But then she started to think about what that man had just said. She runs toward him and the grunts. "What do you want, little girl?"

"Wait!" she said,almost breathlessly. "May I join you, sir?"
*****
hope you like this more -__-

 

[Yellow Bommen]

Yeah, tact, I love it a lot more! ^^

It has more detail, and it's also a bit exciting as well. And I wonder what's gonna happen when Sei joins Team Magma? Good job. I'll be looking forward to reading the next chapters!

~Kelvin

 

[tactlessdarckcloud]

lucky you,you read ´em first |:3

 

[Kitori_theTeamAquaSuicune]

Wow! This is good!

 

[Yellow Bommen]

It sure is. And it will probably get better too. BTW, tactless, I changed my name, I was mailman_tongue32 now I'm ~♥Artemis♥~! ^^

Oh yeah, tact, check your PM box, I think I sent you one... I was finished proofreading the next chapter.

~Kelvin

 

[tactlessdarckcloud]

yeah,I´ve noticed...how you did it??(bout your nick)
Well,here´s the chapter,hope you like them -the few you are still here,at least ¬¬; -

Chapter 2- Tactless' begin

After a long walk, Tactless reached the outside of Slateport, and decided to settle down for a break.

"Why must I ALWAYS go back home after contests?" he asked himself. "I have got to go on a real journey someday..."

He knew he wouldn't...he had always been a momma's boy, and he liked that. But on the other hand, maybe it'll be a bit fun...

"Hey, let's train a little bit, guys," said the young man, who energetically threw six pokeballs into the air.
The first was the Taillow from the contest, then a Beautifly, a Grovyle, a Poochyena, a Nincada and a Feebas.

"Let's try and look for some new movements for the next contest."

He looked at his pokemons for a while.

"Gecko, come here!" The Grovyle went near,and hugged Tactless. The boy pat him gently on the head.

"Now, let's see how to improve your Leer..."

The groovyle did his best, but the leer wasn't scary, but cute. Tactless sighed in frustation. "Maybe you'll learn to do it if you level up some more..."

He continued to try improving his other Pokemons' attacks. After the training, he and his Pokemon sat together under a tree, and quickly fell asleep.

--------------------

"Mommy, I'm home!" the boy replied cheerfully to his mother.

"Hi, son!" His mother walked downstairs. "I saw your contest, I'm so proud of you!" said his mother, as she hugged him.

"Aww, thanks, mom..." as he tried to calm his mom down.

"With this ribbon, I can already pass to the next level!"

"That's wonderful, Will!"

Tactless didn't like the sound of that. The name "Will" hurt him as a burning dagger; he didn't like his real name, he was nicknamed after his lack of caring for each other's feelings.

"Yeah, thanks...um, mom?"

His mother looked at Tactless in the eye. "Yes dear?"

"I was thinking, maybe now I should leave home for a good time..." Tactless said, feeling kind of insecure of his words.

His mother looked at him. She didn't looked worried, neither sad. It was a strange expression the boy couldn't decipher.

"It's okay, I know you're not going to stay at home forever...you're already fourteen, a young man!" his mom answered.

"Thanks, mommy," Tactless said with teary eyes. He hugged his mother.

"Go, my boy, go and give your best!" She comforted him and sent him on his way. Tactless was finally on a real journey!

*****

Not muhc,I know...but things needs to get going....I´ll send you next chapter from home if you´re not busy,Artemis

 

[CoNsPiRaToR]

Well tactless, I finally made it X-x
I did read this earlier, and despite my love for any story involving Magmas, I'm a bit confused on where you're going with your fic...