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Unbreakable [NC-17]

Hakajin

Obsessive Shipper
I liked it. I thought it was a realistic situation, and you portrayed their embarrassment well. I liked the tenderness of the scene. The only thing I would do is tone down the poetic imagery a little. Some is fine, but it gets a bit... cheesy after a while. But other than that, it's great.
 

~Mist~

revolutionary~
Oh, Hakajin, great to see you here! :3 I know, sometimes I'm just a romantic sap when it comes to writing, but I'm happy to know that you enjoyed it! I'm glad that it sounded realistic to you because I'm often thinking "Well, it's gonna happen at some point in their lives!" All I need is just to see them when they're older and I will die a happy fangirl. Thanks so much for the review, I appreciate it! ^^
 
Wow! That was...oh how do you say it? Incredible! This was wonderful, and the first pokeshipping lemon I have read. Your detail was superb since you used just the right level that everything flowed so nicely and so the lemon wasn't all that graphic. I thought it was a great idea that they were married, it just makes the whole idea of them having sex more...ideal? I loved it. ^__^! Kudos to you.
 

el_toro

Superfly
I'm glad I got the oppurtunity to read this fic Mist, I didn't even know it existed! :D To be honest, I don't mind these fics, I actually find it interesting to read them ;). So of course, I was intrigued to read it.

The detail is, as always in your style, great and very encompassing. Everything from Ash and Misty to the apartment in which they were was described beautifully. The only problem was I felt that Ash was a bit OOC; I don't know I just felt that the playfulness in his character was kind of lost. :/

Other than that, the scenes were good and pretty racy (as the rating is sure to describe it :rolleyes:) And it didn't feel like porn, it was more romanticized so it's good that you know where that fine line is. ;)

I definitely hope you do more fics like these in the future, if not, something less racier then.

Take care ;)
 

~Mist~

revolutionary~
Oh, I'm so sorry for the late reply, guys! ;_____;

@ Kasumi_HiME: Aww, thank you for the kind words! This oneshot is considered to be my treasure so I'm happy you liked it! :3

@ el_toro: Oooh, nice to see you reviewing here! =D I know a lot of people are often curious about NC-17 fics & most of them go over the line too much, so I spent a lot of time trying not to. Ash's character was a great challenge for me to imagine in the future so I kept debating to myself what to do with him for this one. It's often difficult to incoporate the idea of sex for them even as adults, but I get what you mean by that. xD Thanks for your input! :3 I might do another one sometime but already have other ideas up my sleeve. xDD Thanks for your review! =D
 

Caelesti

dancing queen
Uh, that was good, I guess. I think you kept the characters pretty much in character... -shrug- I thought it was realistic when Ash was nervous about it.

Are NC-17 fics all about sex, though? o:
 
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riolulu

<riolulu_sppf.exe>
oh. my. god. This was awesomeeee! Exellent detail, perfect flow, great description, and awesome storyline. You are a very good writer! Even though I don't usually go for pokeshipping, this story was amazingly good and I enjoyed every moment of it! The characters were in-character, you did a great job on that. I know how hard Ash's personality can be to work with.

Again, amazing job!

~riolulu
 

~Mist~

revolutionary~
Oh, wow, new reviews! Yay!

Caelesti: Yeah, making Ash jump right in would seem awkward to me and just... no. xD But thankies for the thoughts! =)

riolulu: Aww, thank you! I'm really glad to hear this from a non-Pokeshipper, so that makes my day! :3 And oh god, tell me about it; even though Ash does seem easy to write about, he's the toughest of them to write about. I always get stuck trying to think how he'll be like when he's older. Thankies for your input! :3
 

ChloboShoka

Writer
The story felt really romantic and really magical as well as being hot and tasteful. I think you did a pretty good job with keeping them in character. I've seen many NC-17 fics in my time, and I know which ones have put effort in and which ones that lack it. I really enjoyed this one.

You should be very proud of this piece of writing Mist and it's been very well thought out and thought through and it has shown whilst reading it.

I'm going to qoute my favorite parts.

He nodded, gently spreading her legs apart while she smiled warmly at him. He smiled in return, stroking her cheek adjusting his hardness, sliding it inside of her sweet body. A sharp breath came from her as he lightly teased her with it.

Oh, how he tortured her like this. She had to admit she liked it... a lot.

His body continued, going much deeper than before. When he had reached her barrier, he whispered to her that it would only hurt for a bit; she nodded in return as he first kissed the palm of her hand lovingly, then soon broke it with a strong thrust.

An extract on how graceful and romantic this scene was.

Suddenly, the Pokémon Master picked up the Cerulean Gym Leader, carrying her sweet naked body over towards their bedroom. She was a bit alarmed by this but enjoyed the special heartwarming treatment he gave her. His foot kicked the door open, but found himself going a tad off balance, nearly dropping her.

"Ash, you better not drop me!"

"I won't, trust me."
This was really funny.
 

~Mist~

revolutionary~
Aww, thank you so much for the lovely review, C.Gholy! I think this was definitely a good challenge for me to write. I'm very happy to see people still reviewing; that just thrills me, especially for a NC-17 rated fic. xD

Oooh, I really enjoyed writing that part. I think I editted that part so many times until I was satisfied. But graceful? Oh god, you're too kind! Thankies! xD

I often thought about how much difficulty Ash would have by carrying Misty. I don't know, for some reason when I saw the fourth movie were Misty couldn't walk but had to be carried by Brock, that made me think about how she was a bit too heavy for Ash. Don't ask. xD

But thanks again for the kind review! :333
 

Lumos Insempra

New Member
This is my first review here - this fic really drew my attention and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it.

I have finally done it! I'm so happy that this is done at last! I spent several months perfecting this one, making sure it would touch readers, and I think this one is the best I've done.

I think that the effort you've put in on this is definitely reflected in the quality of the work. It's nice to see an NC-17 fic that conveys the emotion and the love of the pair so well, and moreover, the sexual scenes are written superbly too. It doesn't fall down in any category, I don't think.

Going into more detail:

Inside a small yet fitting apartment, a young woman gently sighed in longing. Her slim body was set on a light caramel couch feeling quite comfortable, and yet had a sense of loneliness. The walls were a cool tint of a warm delicate coffee mix, each side decorated with either a bookshelf or wondrous paintings of great fortune. Her suite was high, close to the hazy sky due to being in a building of over one hundred floors. Regardless of the great height, she cherished the spot more than anywhere in the world.

This paragraph tells you from the get-go that you're in for something special. There is extremely rich detail and it paints a very clear picture of the apartment; this talent for description you continue to reflect throughout the story. Unlike some works of fiction where it can be hard to visualise the scenario, yours makes it very clear. (And given that I was reading this very late in the evening and my eyes and mind were exhausted as well, and it still succeeded in drawing everything clearly, I think it's even better.)

The sweet aroma traveled to his nose, then floated close to hers as well, causing the young woman to close her eyes gently and breathe the warm scent.

Ditto. How often does one find a sensation so well described?

Score! Ash cheered in his thoughts, jamming the last of the treat into his mouth. He gulped it down, and then sighed with relief. I guess Mom was right; sharing is caring.

Here, you have humour counterpointed with a more romantic thought. I liked the way the two were offset against each other.

His chest was the tone of a light tan, showing more signs of maturity than before. She shuddered at the sight of such magnificence… such beauty. His eyes had not changed, still consisting of kindness and fierce determination. Strands of his raven hair were in front of his brown eyes. It was messy as always, but that was the way she liked it. The tiny zigzags remained but were barely seen due to his maturing. His height was greater than hers at last after who knows how many years.

More superb description. I could quote a pile more sections on that. Well, really, I could quote the entire fic. :)

His foot kicked the door open, but found himself going a tad off balance, nearly dropping her.

"Ash, you better not drop me!"

I like how humour is peppered in. There are a few points which made me smile, and, I thought, about the right amount - the overall romantic feel prevails whilst allowing for a smile too.

The sexual scenes also played out very nicely. Again on the note of balance, I think the sexuality and their love played well together, which, in my experience, isn't well done in many fics, NC-17 or otherwise; I didn't think there was too much sexuality, and that which was present was tastefully done.

Ash and Misty were left asleep next to each other, the two wrapping their arms around like a precious china doll that could not be forgotten.

I agree with chelc on this. That really is a special line.

So yeah - overall, a rather special piece of writing and I think you should definitely be proud of it. It's impressive stuff. :)
 

~Mist~

revolutionary~
Wow, thank you so much for the wonderful review, Lumos Insempra!! I feel happy that you've decided to review mine first on here. That's quite an honor.

I'm glad I was able to bring this story to life. Whenever I'm writing something long, I know I have to somehow include all the human senses so I know exactly how to write a piece of writing. I'm glad to know that you said I have accomplished that.

As for humor, I always tend to include humor in everything I write. I don't know, I'm a bit of a perky person so happiness ftw.

Again, thank you so much for the detailed review. It's reviews like those that make me happy so I can know how you guys all felt about it. :3
 

MiniBob

Super Nerd Ben
HOLY ****. I must admit, I've never seen a Pokéshipping fic this good. Very well written.
 
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