I liked it. I thought it was a realistic situation, and you portrayed their embarrassment well. I liked the tenderness of the scene. The only thing I would do is tone down the poetic imagery a little. Some is fine, but it gets a bit... cheesy after a while. But other than that, it's great.
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Unbreakable [NC-17]
- Thread starter ~Mist~
- Start date
Oh, Hakajin, great to see you here! :3 I know, sometimes I'm just a romantic sap when it comes to writing, but I'm happy to know that you enjoyed it! I'm glad that it sounded realistic to you because I'm often thinking "Well, it's gonna happen at some point in their lives!" All I need is just to see them when they're older and I will die a happy fangirl. Thanks so much for the review, I appreciate it! ^^
Kasumi_HiME
--
Wow! That was...oh how do you say it? Incredible! This was wonderful, and the first pokeshipping lemon I have read. Your detail was superb since you used just the right level that everything flowed so nicely and so the lemon wasn't all that graphic. I thought it was a great idea that they were married, it just makes the whole idea of them having sex more...ideal? I loved it. ^__^! Kudos to you.
I'm glad I got the oppurtunity to read this fic Mist, I didn't even know it existed! 
To be honest, I don't mind these fics, I actually find it interesting to read them . So of course, I was intrigued to read it.
The detail is, as always in your style, great and very encompassing. Everything from Ash and Misty to the apartment in which they were was described beautifully. The only problem was I felt that Ash was a bit OOC; I don't know I just felt that the playfulness in his character was kind of lost. :/
Other than that, the scenes were good and pretty racy (as the rating is sure to describe it) And it didn't feel like porn, it was more romanticized so it's good that you know where that fine line is.
I definitely hope you do more fics like these in the future, if not, something less racier then.
Take care
To be honest, I don't mind these fics, I actually find it interesting to read them . So of course, I was intrigued to read it.The detail is, as always in your style, great and very encompassing. Everything from Ash and Misty to the apartment in which they were was described beautifully. The only problem was I felt that Ash was a bit OOC; I don't know I just felt that the playfulness in his character was kind of lost. :/
Other than that, the scenes were good and pretty racy (as the rating is sure to describe it
) And it didn't feel like porn, it was more romanticized so it's good that you know where that fine line is. I definitely hope you do more fics like these in the future, if not, something less racier then.
Take care
Oh, I'm so sorry for the late reply, guys! ;_____;
@ Kasumi_HiME: Aww, thank you for the kind words! This oneshot is considered to be my treasure so I'm happy you liked it! :3
@ el_toro: Oooh, nice to see you reviewing here! =D I know a lot of people are often curious about NC-17 fics & most of them go over the line too much, so I spent a lot of time trying not to. Ash's character was a great challenge for me to imagine in the future so I kept debating to myself what to do with him for this one. It's often difficult to incoporate the idea of sex for them even as adults, but I get what you mean by that. xD Thanks for your input! :3 I might do another one sometime but already have other ideas up my sleeve. xDD Thanks for your review! =D
@ Kasumi_HiME: Aww, thank you for the kind words! This oneshot is considered to be my treasure so I'm happy you liked it! :3
@ el_toro: Oooh, nice to see you reviewing here! =D I know a lot of people are often curious about NC-17 fics & most of them go over the line too much, so I spent a lot of time trying not to. Ash's character was a great challenge for me to imagine in the future so I kept debating to myself what to do with him for this one. It's often difficult to incoporate the idea of sex for them even as adults, but I get what you mean by that. xD Thanks for your input! :3 I might do another one sometime but already have other ideas up my sleeve. xDD Thanks for your review! =D
oh. my. god. This was awesomeeee! Exellent detail, perfect flow, great description, and awesome storyline. You are a very good writer! Even though I don't usually go for pokeshipping, this story was amazingly good and I enjoyed every moment of it! The characters were in-character, you did a great job on that. I know how hard Ash's personality can be to work with.
Again, amazing job!
~riolulu
Again, amazing job!
~riolulu
Oh, wow, new reviews! Yay!
Caelesti: Yeah, making Ash jump right in would seem awkward to me and just... no. xD But thankies for the thoughts! =)
riolulu: Aww, thank you! I'm really glad to hear this from a non-Pokeshipper, so that makes my day! :3 And oh god, tell me about it; even though Ash does seem easy to write about, he's the toughest of them to write about. I always get stuck trying to think how he'll be like when he's older. Thankies for your input! :3
Caelesti: Yeah, making Ash jump right in would seem awkward to me and just... no. xD But thankies for the thoughts! =)
riolulu: Aww, thank you! I'm really glad to hear this from a non-Pokeshipper, so that makes my day! :3 And oh god, tell me about it; even though Ash does seem easy to write about, he's the toughest of them to write about. I always get stuck trying to think how he'll be like when he's older. Thankies for your input! :3
ChloboShoka
Writer
The story felt really romantic and really magical as well as being hot and tasteful. I think you did a pretty good job with keeping them in character. I've seen many NC-17 fics in my time, and I know which ones have put effort in and which ones that lack it. I really enjoyed this one.
You should be very proud of this piece of writing Mist and it's been very well thought out and thought through and it has shown whilst reading it.
I'm going to qoute my favorite parts.
An extract on how graceful and romantic this scene was.
You should be very proud of this piece of writing Mist and it's been very well thought out and thought through and it has shown whilst reading it.
I'm going to qoute my favorite parts.
An extract on how graceful and romantic this scene was.
This was really funny.
Aww, thank you so much for the lovely review, C.Gholy! I think this was definitely a good challenge for me to write. I'm very happy to see people still reviewing; that just thrills me, especially for a NC-17 rated fic. xD
Oooh, I really enjoyed writing that part. I think I editted that part so many times until I was satisfied. But graceful? Oh god, you're too kind! Thankies! xD
I often thought about how much difficulty Ash would have by carrying Misty. I don't know, for some reason when I saw the fourth movie were Misty couldn't walk but had to be carried by Brock, that made me think about how she was a bit too heavy for Ash. Don't ask. xD
But thanks again for the kind review! :333
Oooh, I really enjoyed writing that part. I think I editted that part so many times until I was satisfied. But graceful? Oh god, you're too kind! Thankies! xD
I often thought about how much difficulty Ash would have by carrying Misty. I don't know, for some reason when I saw the fourth movie were Misty couldn't walk but had to be carried by Brock, that made me think about how she was a bit too heavy for Ash. Don't ask. xD
But thanks again for the kind review! :333
Lumos Insempra
New Member
This is my first review here - this fic really drew my attention and I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it.
I think that the effort you've put in on this is definitely reflected in the quality of the work. It's nice to see an NC-17 fic that conveys the emotion and the love of the pair so well, and moreover, the sexual scenes are written superbly too. It doesn't fall down in any category, I don't think.
Going into more detail:
This paragraph tells you from the get-go that you're in for something special. There is extremely rich detail and it paints a very clear picture of the apartment; this talent for description you continue to reflect throughout the story. Unlike some works of fiction where it can be hard to visualise the scenario, yours makes it very clear. (And given that I was reading this very late in the evening and my eyes and mind were exhausted as well, and it still succeeded in drawing everything clearly, I think it's even better.)
Ditto. How often does one find a sensation so well described?
Here, you have humour counterpointed with a more romantic thought. I liked the way the two were offset against each other.
More superb description. I could quote a pile more sections on that. Well, really, I could quote the entire fic.
I like how humour is peppered in. There are a few points which made me smile, and, I thought, about the right amount - the overall romantic feel prevails whilst allowing for a smile too.
The sexual scenes also played out very nicely. Again on the note of balance, I think the sexuality and their love played well together, which, in my experience, isn't well done in many fics, NC-17 or otherwise; I didn't think there was too much sexuality, and that which was present was tastefully done.
I agree with chelc on this. That really is a special line.
So yeah - overall, a rather special piece of writing and I think you should definitely be proud of it. It's impressive stuff.
I think that the effort you've put in on this is definitely reflected in the quality of the work. It's nice to see an NC-17 fic that conveys the emotion and the love of the pair so well, and moreover, the sexual scenes are written superbly too. It doesn't fall down in any category, I don't think.
Going into more detail:
This paragraph tells you from the get-go that you're in for something special. There is extremely rich detail and it paints a very clear picture of the apartment; this talent for description you continue to reflect throughout the story. Unlike some works of fiction where it can be hard to visualise the scenario, yours makes it very clear. (And given that I was reading this very late in the evening and my eyes and mind were exhausted as well, and it still succeeded in drawing everything clearly, I think it's even better.)
Ditto. How often does one find a sensation so well described?
Here, you have humour counterpointed with a more romantic thought. I liked the way the two were offset against each other.
More superb description. I could quote a pile more sections on that. Well, really, I could quote the entire fic.
I like how humour is peppered in. There are a few points which made me smile, and, I thought, about the right amount - the overall romantic feel prevails whilst allowing for a smile too.
The sexual scenes also played out very nicely. Again on the note of balance, I think the sexuality and their love played well together, which, in my experience, isn't well done in many fics, NC-17 or otherwise; I didn't think there was too much sexuality, and that which was present was tastefully done.
I agree with chelc on this. That really is a special line.
So yeah - overall, a rather special piece of writing and I think you should definitely be proud of it. It's impressive stuff.
Wow, thank you so much for the wonderful review, Lumos Insempra!! I feel happy that you've decided to review mine first on here. That's quite an honor.
I'm glad I was able to bring this story to life. Whenever I'm writing something long, I know I have to somehow include all the human senses so I know exactly how to write a piece of writing. I'm glad to know that you said I have accomplished that.
As for humor, I always tend to include humor in everything I write. I don't know, I'm a bit of a perky person so happiness ftw.
Again, thank you so much for the detailed review. It's reviews like those that make me happy so I can know how you guys all felt about it. :3
I'm glad I was able to bring this story to life. Whenever I'm writing something long, I know I have to somehow include all the human senses so I know exactly how to write a piece of writing. I'm glad to know that you said I have accomplished that.
As for humor, I always tend to include humor in everything I write. I don't know, I'm a bit of a perky person so happiness ftw.
Again, thank you so much for the detailed review. It's reviews like those that make me happy so I can know how you guys all felt about it. :3