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Uno - A Deathless Prelude

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Draco Malfoy, Jun 25, 2011.

  1. Draco Malfoy

    Draco Malfoy -REaction

    Under the Same Sky - A Deathless Prelude

    Under the Same Sky - PG-15||Coming soon.

    A/N: Here's the preview to my upcoming one-shot, Under the Same Sky, starring Undella Town.

    Summary: A nameless hero is heralded as the Champion of the Unova League. However, he's not ready to bear that cross. In order to deal with his inner demons, he absconds to Undella Town - and meets a certain blonde Sinnoh Champion.

    Warning(s): Mild swearing and violent scenarios.
    Rating: PG-14
    Verse: B/W Games (Gen. V)
    Genre: Friendship/Drama.

    "A Prelude"​


    Have you ever wondered what it feels like to drown? I have. Maybe water fills your chest cavity, inflating you like a Drifblim’s balloon. Perhaps your limbs would numb and become rigid, until you’re a mere puppet with strings. Your eyes might even pop out, like those little nubs of Grandma's corn, once you place them in a frying pan.

    I like to think drowning would feel… weightless.

    A young boy stands from the edge of a cliff. His blue jacket is torn and soaked in something thick and red. An acrid smell persists, giving the impression of an infected sore. The summer breeze flits through his damp, brown hair. He clutches the eight badges of Unova.

    My friends are strange. One is too excitable, while the other is too indifferent. She tries to be independent. He tries to be strong. She wears bright, floral patterns which remind you of a caffeinated Bellosom. He wears plain shirts with plainer pants, as though he’s a professional dentist.

    Girl and Boy. White and black.

    The blonde girl giggles and twirls on the spot. She’s pretending to be a windmill, she says. The boy with the jet-black hair adjusts his glasses, deadpanning that windmills don’t talk. A blue otter and a green snake gawk at their Trainers.

    I think they’re exactly the same.

    A lime green Rubics cube falls down.

    People have all sorts of expectations of me. I’m a hero, I’m a Champion. I’m supposedly a motherfucking saviour. Sometimes, I think Alder shirked the responsibility on purpose. He never said that he liked his job. I would have quit too, if I knew that it entailed talking to Caitlin on a regular basis. What a pain in the ass.

    A gruff man wearing a tribal poncho grins. His companion pinches her lips tightly enough to crack a Forrestress. The epitome of haughty elegance. She holds a letter in her hand. It’s white.

    I never asked for anyone’s gratitude. The truth and the ideal… Why do I remember that day in Nimbasa? Professor Juniper asks if I feel sad. Technically, grieving is a natural process of life. Not really.

    I just feel tired.

    A Ferris wheel. Green eyes which ask if humans and Pokemon can truly understand each other. The shorter boy lowers his Unova League cap, replying ‘yes’. His Pokemon, a small pig with fiery skin, looks worried. The Ferris wheel turns again.

    Caitlin pisses the shit out of me. She has a stick so high up her ass that when she sits down, her conceited entrails come out of her mouth. According to her, nothing in Unova has Sinnoh’s refined taste. However, she is the only one who gave me a solution. Life can be funny that way.

    “Take a vacation, and come back when you’re not a moping little bitch,” she snapped.

    The two stones are similar opposites. One is black Yin, and the other is white Yang. The Unova League building shudders, as though it was sentient, fearing the tremendous power of the White Stone. Two heroes take out their Pokeballs.

    As they fight, the winged gods take flight. Screams rattle the sky.


    Caitlin gave me a white letter. As expected, her handwriting was neat and cursive, like something out of a fucking manuscript. An unexpected name headlined the paper: ‘UNDELLA TOWN - A Town of Rippling Waves’. A tiny resort town, probably for rich socialites. More importantly, it was somewhere quiet.

    Unfolding the rest of the letter, I found that it contained directions to Undella. The town was located in the far East of Unova, forking out from sandy Route 13 and the grassy knoll of Route 14. The letter instructed me to ask for Caitlin’s villa upon arrival. Who knew? Caitlin apparently had a hometown – and it was in Unova. Why did she idolise Sinnoh so much, then?

    The green-haired boy smiles, as though they were playing tag. An apology is lost in the howling wind, as the one-eyed man with the two-eyed cloak screeches. He is barely restrained by the boy in the glasses.

    Tears mingle with blood.


    Caitlin and Grimsley offered to cover for me. The latter was particularly surprising; I traded less than five words with him, and he never showed any indication that he neither liked nor disliked me. I’m grateful, though. I wouldn’t be able to leave if it weren’t for them.

    Caitlin said something odd before I left.

    “You’re not going to be alone,” she whispered, cracking a catlike smile.

    A young boy with brown hair stands at the edge of a cliff. In his right hand, he clutches his official League hat. In the other, he grips a white letter and a small map to a small town. The sky darkens over the shattered building below him. Repairs continue, but the damage done by the two gods is not readily reparable.

    I departed the Pokemon League at sunset. I left with what I came. A standard-issue slingbag, a Dowsing MCHN, Running shoes. Two changes of clothes, a sleeping bag, and basic rations. A set of TMs and HMs, my Trainer I.D., and 5000 PokeDollars. Pokeballs containing my team.

    Companionship: Zero. I travelled alone.


    ...And there you go.

    (1): This is also more of a Preview to the actual story. Let me explain.

    I didn't want to put this in the Trailers thread, primarily because it's not really a trailer. It's actually a part of the plot, kinda. Not necessary reading, but can be helpful, like the Explanatory Memorandum for legislation.

    I'm not sure if you could consider it an actual Prologue to the one-shot. Yes, this snippet is set before the timeline of the one-shot, but stylistically, it's not congruous to the actual piece. The actual story isn't written so... disjointedly. D=

    This snippet itself can be classified as a stand-alone piece, and since the rest of the story is better, I'll just label this a "preview".

    Enjoy and discuss - the story is coming soon. Very soon.
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2011
  2. Um.... Can't wait for the actual story....?

    Eh. It looks good, but it's also been done before, although I like the idea of N being killed by.... Something.

    Again, the half-finished oneshot leaves many questions unawnsered that we'll find out when you.... Decide to upload the rest of it...

    Oh well, we've all done that two-day oneshot at one point.

    Also, something tells me this fic will end with [insert name here] and Cynthia cuddling and smooching or something.

    Noob out. (until you upload the rest of it)
  3. Draco Malfoy

    Draco Malfoy -REaction

    Firstly, thanks for reading this snippet. The actual one-shot, which is around 8000 words, is the main attraction, but I'm flattered that you've felt inclined to review even the side-story. xP

    I'm confused, though. What do you mean by "it's also been done before", though? Also, who said that N's dead - or he's been killed? xD

    Of course, this snippet is deliberately vague in some parts, so you'll have to read the main one-shot, won't you?

    I'll probably upload asap. The story is around 7000 words done; an extra 1000 words should tie up the final arc, and it'll be ready soon. For now, ruminate on this snippet. xD

    Two day one-shot? Nah, this idea's been floating around my head for long than that. Indeed, the actual writing of the main attraction has taken at least a week. xD

    Hahaha, Cynthia x [B/W Protagonist]? Maybe... I will point out that the story's main genre is Friendship, not Romance. But who knows? *cryptic grin*

    I don't think you're a n00b. Hope to see you soon too.
  4. No, Noob's my penname, which I use to sign reviews and stories.
  5. Bay


    Okay, you told me to give a quick comment over this, so here I am! :p

    I like this part a lot, nice comparison between the two. Bianca a caffeinated Bellosom? Nice. XD

    Hm, your take on the main character (Hilbert in the English version of the games) is interesting. I assumed he's stressed out by being Champion (and dealing with his inner demons too as it said in the preview)? I'm looking forward to how his meeting with Cynthia will be like.
  6. Draco Malfoy

    Draco Malfoy -REaction

    And thank you for your presence. It is much appreciated. We're both so old around here; us old fogeys gotta stick together. xD

    I liked the protagonist's thought process when I wrote that too. The guy doesn't hate Cheren and Bianca; he just feels a little alienated from them. Why? It will be explained in the main story. XD

    Yeah, he's stressed out from being the Champion, but more because of what he had to go through. The plot of B/W was intense, and our hero would have a lot of psychological crap to deal with.

    And I don't really like the name 'Hilbert'. I just refer to him in my mind as 'Black'. xD

    But seriously, I thought it might be interesting to never mention the main character's name in the story. You know, keep him nameless, just like in the games. You can pick your own name and substitute.

    Plus it has an interesting effect of making him an everyday man...

    For simplicity's sake, let's just refer to him as 'Black', as from the game's title, for now.
  7. Diddy

    Diddy Renegade

    Show me ANY-FREAKING-ONE who does like his name and I'll eat a Menger Sponge

    It's not a Rubik's Cube it's a... oh I already linked to it, it's a Menger Sponge, at least that's what Bulbagarden tells me =D

    I love your depiction of Caitlin.

    It's just so perfect.

    And you can totally imagine her being like that. Did I mention that I love Caitlin in this?

    I can't wait for the main event.

    Although I have to ask, Why does he have a Silph Scope? It makes so little sense (in game terms anyway) that it can only be perceived as important in some way.

    I may love your depiction of Caitlin, but I hate you... for giving me plot bunnies revolving around Caitlin ¬¬

    I have enough to write you know.
  8. Draco Malfoy

    Draco Malfoy -REaction

    It's kind of sad that this is very true. "Hilda" isn't that popular either. Blair and Whitlea were better.

    Ugh, another thing to correct. I thought it was a Rubik's cube. T.T

    Yeah, Caitlin was fun to write. Unfortunately, she doesn't appear physically in the main story itself. Why? Because she's not going to move her *** to Undella. Justified in the story, too, since she has to cover for the Champion's absence.


    Hey, at least she gets mentioned a truckload. And you get a bucket load of Cynthia, so everybody wins.

    lol, the story's premise is basically "male B/W protagonist shares Caitlin's villa with Cynthia".

    Changed the Silph Scope to the Dowsing MCHN. I mentioned the wrong Key Item, lol. =P

    Hahahaha, sorry about that. I know you like to write about E4/GLs, so isn't Caitlin a good choice, anyway? She was involved in two Gens, like Koga, and had the interesting backstory of being a Frontier Brain too.

    On that topic, the Frontier Brains need more love. They're sorely underrated. D=

    Thanks for the review. The main story is coming very soon, so hold onto your hats.

    I probably will have to split it into three parts, though. Right now, the supposed one-shot is verging on 11,000 words. The final product will probably be around 13,000 words, so it'll have to a three-shot.
  9. Draco Malfoy

    Draco Malfoy -REaction

    Double-posting and committing a major faux-pas here, but essentially I'm providing another snippet from the one-shot, which has now been retitled Under the Same Sky. I dumped the working title, Uno, and derived this new one from an awesome Confucian proverb: "You cannot live under the same sky as your father's murderer".

    Unlike the Deathless Prelude, this snippet is actually from the main story itself. Literally, word for word. I'm giving it as a gift to Diddy, mainly, since he commented that if I didn't use that stray Cynthia comment, he'd use it.

    Also, I'm posting this snippet, because Breezy recently posted a one-shot starring the B/W protagonist... and she didn't refer to the guy by his name. Which is what I did. And I thought I was being original. T.T

    Keep in mind that this snippet is one of the lighter moments in the fic. The story itself features a truckload of darker stuff, should bear that in mind that this preview doesn't embody everything in the story.

    So I must reclaim my mojo. Everyone, enjoy and wait for the main story, which is coming very soon.


    -Undella Town-

    “ – I’m not putting them on. You can’t make me.”

    “They’re swimming trunks, and you’re putting them on,” said Cynthia, reclining in the armchair. “It won’t kill you. I am not asking you to jump in toxic waste.”

    A deadpan response: “I’d take the toxic waste.”

    Amused, Cynthia raised an eyebrow. “How are you supposed to go swimming without swimming trunks? Are you expecting me to lend you a bikini?”

    “Keep your two-piece,” said the boy, “because I’m not going swimming. Period.”

    “I’ll be wearing my black swimsuit.”

    The boy glanced up. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

    “Nothing,” was the noncommittal reply. “I thought boys your age always want to know what women are wearing.”

    It was a sprightly Monday morning, and the two Champions were talking in Caitlin’s villa. The banter was friendly… it felt nice. Surprising, in fact. After their little ‘chat’ on Sunday, the boy had expected things to become awkward between him and Cynthia. He had lost his composure and lashed out. It wasn’t something he was especially proud of.

    Half of him had anticipated that Cynthia would shun him, perhaps lodging a complaint to Caitlin. The Unova Elite Four were already on a knife’s edge, after his sudden “vacation”. Indeed, Marshal would have wet himself with glee at the chance to beat the living shit of him. Caitlin would have found another reason to whinge, while Grimsley had to play peacekeeper.

    Shauntal would have just stood back and added extra notes to her (unauthorised) biography on him. What a weirdo.

    However, Cynthia’s complaint never came. When the blonde former Champion returned to the villa from her rendezvous, she sashayed to the kitchen cupboard. She opened a tub of mixed nuts, added a scoop of vanilla ice-cream, and topped off the infernal mixture with extra-salty Slateport fish sauce. The boy waited for the cold shoulder.

    Instead, the woman had offered him a spoon. “If you wait around for too long, the ice-cream will melt. That would ruin the dish.”

    The boy made a sarcastic comment.

    “It’s nothing like that,” she said, giving some of the mixture to her Garchomp. Enthusiastic, the Pokemon scoffed down the gelatinous mess. “Garchomp thinks it’s palatable.”

    Hesitant, the boy took the spoon. He licked the smallest tip of the discombobulated blend. Instantly the mixture stuck to the underside of his tongue, like unprocessed glue. Granules of bitterness coated his throat as he swallowed. Afternotes of sweet-and-sour followed.

    It tasted nice. He took another bite.

    Cynthia chuckled, before returning to her own dish. The two Trainers ate in comfortable silence. Any awkwardness had already evaporated, like the morning mist. And so, the heated conversation went unmentioned, leaving the boy back where he started.

    Blithely, Cynthia had reverted to peppering him with coy and cryptic remarks. Currently, she had decided that the weather was apt for swimming at Undella Beach; the last vestiges of storm clouds had finally parted. She was trying to wheedle him into joining her in a swimsuit.

    “I am sure that you’ll enjoy yourself,” argued Cynthia. “You won’t be bored with me.”

    “You’re nearly twice my age,” the boy said flatly.


    “You wouldn’t know what my generation does for fun,” he explained, without looking up from his book: Old as Dirt – the autobiography of Bertha Brunt, Elite Four. “For all you know, you’d think that a game of Beach Connect-Four is the ultimate pastime.”

    Cynthia gave an analytical look, while the boy closed his tome and set it back in the bookcase, next to the Collected Historic Anthology of Sinnoh Gym Leaders: From Byron to Volkner.

    “What an uncanny resemblance,” she murmured.

    Cynthia shook her head. “It’s surprising to meet another Trainer who has the same clipped tone as that girl…”

    “Oh, the horror,” the boy deadpanned.

    As the two Trainers stood at an impasse, outside the villa, a flock of Wingull squawked and bickered over the leftovers of greasy Fish-and-Chips. There was a faint screech of a car steering on the dirt road.

    Then, an unusual gleam manifested in Cynthia’s eyes. Apprehensive, the boy retreated slightly when the woman opened her mouth:

    “Why come to a beach town if you don’t plan to visit the beach?”

    “Lots of other reasons.” The boy felt mischievous. “I have an unhealthy appetite for blistering sea-salt and skin disease.”

    Cynthia carried on: “Nevertheless, the expectation is that when you abscond to a beach resort, you use the beach. That fact remains.”

    “The Unova Elite Four are toiling through a string of matches,” she said vaguely. “Specifically, Grimsley and Caitlin are pulling double-duty, in the absence of their eminent Champion.”

    The boy buckled forward.

    “I wonder how they would react if they hear you refuse to leave the villa and enjoy yourself. Marshal Kunz had not vacationed in four years – ”

    The boy raised his hand, interrupting Cynthia. Shuddering, he dismissed the mental image of an outraged Conkeldurr and a further outraged Trainer. The dark-skinned man had flexed his arms, announcing to “prevail the strength of conviction” – with his fist.

    “You win,” the boy said, sighing. “I’ll get changed now. Give me the swimsuit.”

    Widening her smile, Cynthia reached into her duffel bag and pulled out a black material. She tossed it to him.

    With an ease honed from years of handling Pokeballs, he effortlessly caught the material. However, his eyes popped out when he examined the costume. It wasn’t a pair of swimming trunks; it was a speedo. Complete with little Sharpedos on the rear area.

    “This is a speedo,” retorted the boy.

    Cynthia shrugged. “You were so against the swimming trunks that I had to choose something else.”

    “It’s a speedo.”

    “Yes, it is.” Cynthia sounded distinctly amused.

    It’s a speedo.”

    The former Champion lounged in her armchair, like a smug Glameow.

    “Did you bring your own swimsuit?” she asked. “I am not referring to the torn pants you’ve used when Surfing, the ones I’ve unfortunately had to throw away.”

    At the mention of his ruined shorts, the boy scowled. Cynthia’s Garchomp thought it would be hilarious to practice Fire Fang on some of his belongings. The damn sand-shark had barked with laughter when the boy gawked at the sight of his charred possessions. Needless to say, the shorts were burnt, along with some assorted curios: a Cleanse Tag, two Miracle Seeds, a Lava Cookie from Cheren, and a half-eaten Rage Candybar. The boy was incensed. Not even Cynthia’s sincere apology could help.

    Cynthia had insisted that it was all a grave misunderstanding; the boy had muttered that Cynthia’s Garchomp was the groin-spawn of some flea-ridden incubus. The stupid Dragon hated him.

    Trilling, Cynthia’s voice pulled the boy’s attention from his thoughts:

    “Judging from your expression,” she said in a light tone, “you don’t have your own swimsuit. Therefore, you will have to rely on what I have to offer.”

    The boy glared.

    “Would you like me to continue?” she said, pleasantly.

    Defeated, the boy sighed again. “I’ll go get changed.”


    The boy rolled his eyes at the disquieting delight in Cynthia’s velvety voice. The woman had a surprising capacity for mischief. Wasn’t she meant to be renowned for her unflappable poise and rational, mature style? How unbecoming.

    The boy had outwardly declared that he was protesting these new arrangements. However, under that blank demeanour and messy fringe of brown hair, there was a different story. The corners of lips, curled upwards ever-so-slightly.

    For the first time in weeks, the boy was actually smiling.

    Last edited: Jul 2, 2011
  10. Diddy

    Diddy Renegade

    Damn, I actually had a pretty good idea for those quotes, admittedly it was kinda the same thing, but you're welcome to them considering it was your idea in the first place :p

    I have too much to write anyway.

    As for the snippet itself, I think it serves a better purpose than just actually being a snippet, because there were things about the fic that needed updating, the name change, the it's-no-longer-a-one-shot change etc.

    I thought what you did with it was pretty good, it gets points for pure awkward interaction, although it was all on Hilbert's part. Cynthia seemed quite happy with it all, there was something about her character that seemed quite... predatory... and it wasn't the garchomp.

    I'm really interested to see how this plays out, especially considering how you've set out the characters in this.
  11. A speedo solves all problems, as is the ways of nature.
  12. Draco Malfoy

    Draco Malfoy -REaction

    To me, Cynthia always had a certain "edge". She's not all fun and games, even just from the type of Pokemon she trains. I'm trying to depict as a mysterious, kind woman who you don't want to mess with. That Garchomp is a bamf. =O

    I've finished the story, btw, and will begin posting. However, I will probably post in another thread. The Prelude will function as a standalone one-shot which serves to set up the premise of the story, I guess.

    And hohoho, although I have my seven finished chapters, I shall only be posting ONE at a time, over a period of seven weeks. Yes, I want to make you wait and gather up all the anticipation and fan speculation that make me grin. Aren't I cruel?


    Hell, I might even put in a poll to how you guys think it'll end.

    Chapter One is coming soon.
  13. Jason-Kun

    Jason-Kun Well-Known Member

    *Raises hand.* I like both protagonists official English names. As far as their official Japanese names go, I like Hilda's official Japanese name but not Hilbert's.

    Anyways, this is pretty nice. Love the characterization and I think it flows very well.

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