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Untitled Monster Rancher Fic

Medical Meccanica

give me the booty
PG-13 for violence and minor language and shiz. there is a slim chance it will go up in the later chapters.

So... I wrote this. it's just the prologue... bleh. (keep in mind I don't have spellcheck)


The peace of the winter scene was shattered by the hunting cry of Ryulon, who ran swiftly at the head of the pack of Tigers. Behind him, in a V formation, were the rest of the small hunting group he was in charge of. His long shaggy brown hair became plastered to his tan fur in the cold snow and no longer blew in the howling gale. The radiant sunlight shining through the clouds just touched the tip of his dull horn, making it look new. The dark brown pattern on his back stuck out on the snow, not the best hunting ground for him.

The saliva dripping off of his fangs was guided by the wind and splattered on the face of the monster behind and to the left of him, a green Tiger with the fur of his species, a normally blue and white wolflike creature with spiky fur, but the muzzle and tail of a Zuum, a dinosaur-like green creature. He shook the dripping spit off of his face and ran faster to catch up with Ryulon.
"Watch it. This might be your first time as mission leader, but you can't drool over everyone like a newborn pup", the forest-colored dog said indignantly.

"Go back to your station. I can immerse myself in the full pleasure of my mission if I wish, Datonare", Ryulon replied in a haughty manner. Relishing his position as leader, he began to order the others to move until the formation was a perfect V. It slowed them down considerable, but Ryulon didn't care. I finally get a chance to boss Datonare around, he thought. Whitehound's pet, being bossed around by a lowly little 'runt of the litter' like me? Surely I must be dreaming!

His mind stopped drifting when Jaguarbeat, a Tiger with the glossy dark red shell of a beetle monster and horns to match, spoke.

"Ryulon, do you think it unwise to attack the Hares just after we reached an agreement on the White Mushrooms? We need those mushrooms. More and more of our pack are getting the choking sickness and it is killing off even our best fighters. You are leader, you may stop this mission whenever you wish"

Ryulon did not relply. Not complete his first mission? What would Whitehound do? Probably exile him of course. Like the thickskulled Flazer, who had been exiled for killing Whitehound's own son after he had insulted Flazer's lack of fur. This was Ryulon's chance to prove himself, and he would probably be promoted in the pack if he completed this mission.

The snow on the ground began to lessen as Ryulon's tiny group entered the Hares' forest. It was thick with all kinds of foliage, mostly trees. The larger trees seemed to touch the sky, their leafless branches reaching toward the hidden sun and their trunks guarding the Hares' forest home. Datornare, Jaguarbeat and the other, more experienced Tigers who had been on forest missions cleared the large roots with ease, but Ryulon had trouble jumping over them. He would bound over one, only to be greeted by another.

Datonare sniffed the air. "I smell Hare", he said, and began to run faster.

In a small, tranquil forest clearing Ryulon got his first glimpse of a live hare. He stared at it in awe, a large, two-legged monster with giant feet and long, floppy, ears. He wore a bandanna around his neck. This hare had fur the color of a pure Tiger's, and a small horn on top of his head. Upon seeing him, Jaguarbeat gasped.

"A Pulscorn! And this one is fairly young, too... We can't kill it", she sighed.

"This is why most females only watch the pups", Datonare growled. "They're too kind. so what if this one is of Tiger blood? Our mission was to bring back Hares as food, and unless my eyes decieve me, that is a Hare"

"His father could be someone in the pack. It could even be Whitehound's child. There are plenty of other hares"

"I doubt it. there hasn't been peace between us and the Hares for years. It was probably a stray that did it"

Ryulon had enough of their arguing and charged toward the Hare. It noticed him too late and was knocked to the ground in confusion. Ryulon stood over it, preparing to perform the finishing bite ot the neck he had never gotten to do, but the Hare's legs shot out and practically flattened his muzzle. The Hare got up, shook himself off, and ran away.

Datonare looked towards Ryulon's crushed and bleeding muzzle, which was turning black and blue at an alarming rate. "Watch yourself. those Hares have powerful legs", he said, smirking.

"You can continue the mission, right?", Jaguarbeat asked in her "right-down-to-buisness" manner.

Ryulon nodded.

"You're lucky he didn't sound the alarm", Datonare said. "I wonder why he just ran like that"

"I'll find out", Ryulon said, wanting to sound like an actual leader and not just a wannabe. he followed the Hare's footsteps in the thinning snow until he came along another, much larger clearing. In the center of the clearing was a large Hare with a bandanna made of feathers. He was an tan color, with white feathers and black markings that went from his waist to his feet, which were actually talons. Ryulon had heard stories about him. He was the Hare leader and fighter, Tobita. Ryulon approached him slowly, and followed the Hare's movements as he circled around, boxing with the air.

Suddenly Ryulon charged at Tobita, aiming to bite his head off. Tobita dodged to the left and Ryulon flew into a briar bush. He quickly pulled himself out, the strange pods sticking to his fur. Ryulon charged again, his brown hair now flowing freely. this time he aimed for Tobita's knees. He bit Tobita's right knee and he collapsed. Ryulon approached the immobilized Hare king, put his front paws on the King's arms, and prepared to finish him off.

"Knocking down the Hare King might get you a lot of recognition in Hell", Tobita said with a faint western accent. Ryulon was confused. He had immobilized the King. The only part of his body that could move were his neck and...
Ryulon remembered too late. In the morning, the hunting group had left the forest, all but one. Ryulon lay in the clearing, dead. Besides his muzzle, the only marks on his body were three small holes in the back of his neck, and one under his chin.

Soo... how was it? How can I improve? I'm going to start focusing on more monsters besides just Tigers in the next chapter, soo....
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Your fanfic gets points for excellent and often use of description and the first chapter's long length.

Keep up the good work.