Psychic
Really and truly
Liek, omg, first time I’ve ever posted a preview in the Café!
This is a fic I’m currently working on, but I’ve only written this sort of Introduction for it, though the rest can be found in my head (though the main idea needs some fine-tuning). Well, it won’t really be much of a fic, as I only expect it to be a few chapters long (yes, only a few chapters!) if I can even make it that long.
I won’t reveal anything about the plot yet, except for the fact that the fact that the Pokémon’s species is a rather important factor of the fic.
So, what I need are some good, honest opinions on this. I know it needs fixing, but I don’t know just what to edit, which is why I need you guys to help me.
Anyways, I won’t keep you waiting any longer. Here’s the beginning of my story, whose name I’m not even going to reveal.
Enjoy.
I never really liked my trainer. Ever since the day he caught me, I knew I would resent being on his team. He’s snappy, cocky and rude and doesn’t treat me with the care I have seen other trainers treat their Pokémon with.
That’s life, I suppose. You get what you get, and you should take what you can while you can. That’s always been a philosophy of mine. See, I try to be optimistic. It’s hard when Rick’s always pushing me past my limits and all, but he doesn’t strike me, so I have some reason to give thanks.
“Show that Poliwag what you’re made of, Butterfree!” he yelled at me, pointing at the round little blue Pokémon at the other end of what had been appointed the field. That was another thing I didn’t like about Rick; he kept calling me ‘Butterfree’. Well, sure, I am a Butterfree, but I do have a name. Okay, so how’s a human supposed to know my name’s actually Flyfree? Look, don’t get me started on my name; Metapod have a lot of free time on their hands, and I was just really bored.
“Wag, Poli-wag!” the water tadpole cried in a high-pitched voice, slapping her flat white tail on the grassy ground and she shifted her weight from one small round foot to the other. I couldn’t help but stare at her little round mouth. I’ve always thought mouths to be one of the least attractive body parts, it being this little hole that leads to the bowels. They’re rather disgusting, with moist pink walls, yellow-white teeth, and long pink fleshy tongues that played with the liquid within the mouth.
I shuddered, fluttering my filmy wings nervously. The Poliwag’s trainer brushed short dirty blond hair out of his eyes with a confident “Hmmph!”, a sound he made through his nose. His thin lips were stretched across his face so that his mouth was closed tightly.
“Poliwag, use Bubble!” the trainer shouted from his end of the field, to which the tadpole Pokémon responded with a “Poli!” and opening its pink-rimmed mouth, shooting a stream of little round bubbles at me.
“Gust them away!” Rick yelled from behind me. I turned to look at him, my long black antennae swinging. What was that supposed to mean?
He clenched his fists, which were poking out of long green sleeves until his knuckles were white. “Don’t look at me! Focus on the battle!” he shouted, pointing his finger at the Poliwag. I turned my head just in time to see the bubbles heading right for me.
“Free!” I cried in surprise as each angle of my compound eyes was filled with the sight of the hollow spheres. Before I could fly away the barrage made contact with my frail purple body, each bubble exploding as it touched my skin. The pain wasn’t terrible, but as each bubble popped, it drenched me in water. I hoped desperately my wings wouldn’t get too water-clogged.
“Now a Doubleslap!” he called to the Poliwag, grinning. She bounced on her round blue feet for a moment before launching herself into the air, aimed right at me. This time, however, I was ready; as it raised its flat tail to slap me I quickly dodged left, flapping my wings to release a yellow powder into the air, right over the Poliwag, which was just descending from its leap. As it landed on the grassy ground, it glared up at me, only to have the spores go into her eyes, which she squeezed shut. But the water Pokémon had to breathe, thus inhaling the fine powder.
She opened her eyes wide in shock as the Stun Spore took its effect, slowly paralyzing her. The Poliwag tried to shake it off, but her movements were small and jerky.
“Wa…ag!” she tried to cry out, but her brain was having trouble sending orders to her mouth.
“Poliwag!” her trainer groaned. “Shake it off! Tackle it! DO SOMETHING!” he cried desperately.
Rick smirked. “Great, now finish it off with Gust!” he commanded confidently.
I obeyed him, beating my large, filmy wings faster and faster, sending a burst of wind at the Poliwag, who could do nothing but stare on in fear. The wave of air hit the tadpole dead-on, lifting her round little body off the ground to be sent flying backwards to land at her trainer’s feet, defeated.
“Awwch. Return, Poliwag.” He grunted, unhooking a red and white sphere from a strip of material strapped across his waist. He held up the Pokéball and a red beam of light shot out, enveloping the Poliwag’s still form and drawing her into the ball.
“Good battle,” he muttered to Rick, though focusing his attention on the blades of grass below his feet as opposed to my trainer’s face. “Thought I was gonna win until your Butterfree pulled off that Stun Spore.”
He didn’t say anything more. He looked up at the clear blue sky for a moment, then into Rick’s eyes for a brief second. Then the trainer turned around and walked off without as much as a backwards glance.
Thanks for reading! Please R&R and leave any tips you can!
~Psychic
This is a fic I’m currently working on, but I’ve only written this sort of Introduction for it, though the rest can be found in my head (though the main idea needs some fine-tuning). Well, it won’t really be much of a fic, as I only expect it to be a few chapters long (yes, only a few chapters!) if I can even make it that long.
I won’t reveal anything about the plot yet, except for the fact that the fact that the Pokémon’s species is a rather important factor of the fic.
So, what I need are some good, honest opinions on this. I know it needs fixing, but I don’t know just what to edit, which is why I need you guys to help me.
Anyways, I won’t keep you waiting any longer. Here’s the beginning of my story, whose name I’m not even going to reveal.
Enjoy.
I never really liked my trainer. Ever since the day he caught me, I knew I would resent being on his team. He’s snappy, cocky and rude and doesn’t treat me with the care I have seen other trainers treat their Pokémon with.
That’s life, I suppose. You get what you get, and you should take what you can while you can. That’s always been a philosophy of mine. See, I try to be optimistic. It’s hard when Rick’s always pushing me past my limits and all, but he doesn’t strike me, so I have some reason to give thanks.
“Show that Poliwag what you’re made of, Butterfree!” he yelled at me, pointing at the round little blue Pokémon at the other end of what had been appointed the field. That was another thing I didn’t like about Rick; he kept calling me ‘Butterfree’. Well, sure, I am a Butterfree, but I do have a name. Okay, so how’s a human supposed to know my name’s actually Flyfree? Look, don’t get me started on my name; Metapod have a lot of free time on their hands, and I was just really bored.
“Wag, Poli-wag!” the water tadpole cried in a high-pitched voice, slapping her flat white tail on the grassy ground and she shifted her weight from one small round foot to the other. I couldn’t help but stare at her little round mouth. I’ve always thought mouths to be one of the least attractive body parts, it being this little hole that leads to the bowels. They’re rather disgusting, with moist pink walls, yellow-white teeth, and long pink fleshy tongues that played with the liquid within the mouth.
I shuddered, fluttering my filmy wings nervously. The Poliwag’s trainer brushed short dirty blond hair out of his eyes with a confident “Hmmph!”, a sound he made through his nose. His thin lips were stretched across his face so that his mouth was closed tightly.
“Poliwag, use Bubble!” the trainer shouted from his end of the field, to which the tadpole Pokémon responded with a “Poli!” and opening its pink-rimmed mouth, shooting a stream of little round bubbles at me.
“Gust them away!” Rick yelled from behind me. I turned to look at him, my long black antennae swinging. What was that supposed to mean?
He clenched his fists, which were poking out of long green sleeves until his knuckles were white. “Don’t look at me! Focus on the battle!” he shouted, pointing his finger at the Poliwag. I turned my head just in time to see the bubbles heading right for me.
“Free!” I cried in surprise as each angle of my compound eyes was filled with the sight of the hollow spheres. Before I could fly away the barrage made contact with my frail purple body, each bubble exploding as it touched my skin. The pain wasn’t terrible, but as each bubble popped, it drenched me in water. I hoped desperately my wings wouldn’t get too water-clogged.
“Now a Doubleslap!” he called to the Poliwag, grinning. She bounced on her round blue feet for a moment before launching herself into the air, aimed right at me. This time, however, I was ready; as it raised its flat tail to slap me I quickly dodged left, flapping my wings to release a yellow powder into the air, right over the Poliwag, which was just descending from its leap. As it landed on the grassy ground, it glared up at me, only to have the spores go into her eyes, which she squeezed shut. But the water Pokémon had to breathe, thus inhaling the fine powder.
She opened her eyes wide in shock as the Stun Spore took its effect, slowly paralyzing her. The Poliwag tried to shake it off, but her movements were small and jerky.
“Wa…ag!” she tried to cry out, but her brain was having trouble sending orders to her mouth.
“Poliwag!” her trainer groaned. “Shake it off! Tackle it! DO SOMETHING!” he cried desperately.
Rick smirked. “Great, now finish it off with Gust!” he commanded confidently.
I obeyed him, beating my large, filmy wings faster and faster, sending a burst of wind at the Poliwag, who could do nothing but stare on in fear. The wave of air hit the tadpole dead-on, lifting her round little body off the ground to be sent flying backwards to land at her trainer’s feet, defeated.
“Awwch. Return, Poliwag.” He grunted, unhooking a red and white sphere from a strip of material strapped across his waist. He held up the Pokéball and a red beam of light shot out, enveloping the Poliwag’s still form and drawing her into the ball.
“Good battle,” he muttered to Rick, though focusing his attention on the blades of grass below his feet as opposed to my trainer’s face. “Thought I was gonna win until your Butterfree pulled off that Stun Spore.”
He didn’t say anything more. He looked up at the clear blue sky for a moment, then into Rick’s eyes for a brief second. Then the trainer turned around and walked off without as much as a backwards glance.
Thanks for reading! Please R&R and leave any tips you can!
~Psychic
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