So I started out in some sort of... I dunno cyberspace thingy? And this weird guy who needs a shave started talking to me about a world of Pokemon. I figured either he was on drugs or, more likely, I was on drugs, cause this **** is freaky. Anyways he asked me if I was a guy or a girl, which I responded to by punching him in the face politely notifying him that I was a male. He asked me my name and I told him to go **** himself. Then he shoved me through a portal into a strange world where I got attacked by a bird, cause apparently an alarm clock was too expensive or something. I got up and my ***** of a mother yelled at me to change out of my pajamas. Wait, why the **** am I even wearing pajamas? What am I, 5? What is this bull****? Anyways I changed from my pajamas into a set of clothes that make me look like a retarded jogger. A marginal improvement, but an improvement nonetheless.
I walked outside and immediately got mobbed by a stereotypical fashion-obsessed teenage blonde and an even more stereotypical lolicon. Who the **** are these people. They introduce themselves as Serena and Shauna, but I've decided to call them Meta and Micky (Yes Mick, you're Shauna. Deal with it.) They told me I was being drafted by some professor dude and that I should come to the next town over. I figure, eh, might as well humor them. The blonde might be bangable, although I'm pretty sure the other one is jail bait, and besides, she's annoying as hell.
So I walk through the gate (this town apparently still has a gate. This isn't the ****ing middle ages anymore, people.) and down a tiny road to another town. First few steps I take, I get screamed at by someone. Turns out it was Meta, man I'm starting to hate her. Micky tells me that they're talking about me, creepy, and introduce me to what at first I assume is a whale. I'm corrected, it turns out this fat slob is someone named Tierno, but I'll call him Nick. Somewhere behind the giant mass that is Nick a nerdy kid steps out, who calls himself Trevor, but I think Zero would be a more appropriate name. These ****ing jerks start debating over which demeaning nickname they should call me, so I tell them they should just call me King Asshat. Turns out they like it apparently. Jackasses. Anyways Nick pulls out a box containing a bunch of balls. Who carries around balls like that? Is this kid 6 or something? But it turns out there's creatures inside these balls. Somehow. **** logic, this is Pokemon.
I immediately decided none of these cretins were worth my attention, so I chose the most stomachable of them, a frog thing apparently called Froakie. I plan on ditching it as soon as possible, preferably in a roadside ditch with a few grams of lead in its chest. I.E. the street corner hooker treatment.
Then Zero gives me something called a Pokedex. It looks kinda hitech so I figure I can probably stream porn or something with it. After that, Nick gives me a letter to give to my mother (Who cares about her? I got attacked by a bird cause that ***** was too cheap to get an alarm clock.), and as I get up to deliver it, Micky decides she wants to fight me. Usually I don't stomp females but Micky hardly counts as a female anyways, she's really just a pedophile's wet dream incarnated as a human being. Also she's annoying as ****. So I kill her fox and she *****es me out about being an evil sexist woman hater who probably jacks off to Thunderf00t and runs away. Did I mention she's annoying as ****?
I deliver my letter to my mother, who's also apparently desperate as hell, and then I decide to find a replacement for this shitty frog. As I run back to the next town and into the next route, I run into Meta and Micky again. Meta smugly explains that her parents are expert Pokemon racers or something, I dunno, stopped listening after the first 2 words. Then she teaches me how to throw a ball. For ****'s sake. I also discover Micky is apparently retarded, but I guess that's no surprise.
So I move on and run into a bird called a Pidgey. Meh, better than this frog. I catch it and walk towards the forest, where some kid challenges me to a fight. I figure I can hide his body easily enough in the forest so I smash his raccoon, but he runs away before I could break his neck. Oh well, better luck next time. Once I get into the forest, Micky decides to stalk me. Oh well, at least she can heal my bird whenever I need it. After walking for a bit in the forest I find another bird to add to my collection, this one called a Fletchling. I'm starting to detect a pattern here. After taking advantage of Micky (not in a sexual way... yet.) I grind my Pokemon up to level 10. I decide that's enough for now and... I dunno, go to sleep? What exactly DOES your character do when you're not playing?