Virginity

[invaderdim]

ok, calm down
and i dont have statistics but some people that have cheated have only fdone it for sex, or because their sex life wasn't exciting enough or w.e
molestation and rape are sexual attacks, primarily for sex
death from child birth, which is very rare now but still happens (which isn't really a bad thing directly caused by sex)
and i didnt say they were expensive, i said they cost money, which they do
and i shouldn't've put leads i should've put something... else...

and it's just my opinion -.-

 

[Carlisle]

ok, calm down
and i dont have statistics but some people that have cheated have only fdone it for sex, or because their sex life wasn't exciting enough or w.e
molestation and rape are sexual attacks, primarily for sex
death from child birth, which is very rare now but still happens (which isn't really a bad thing directly caused by sex)
and i didnt say they were expensive, i said they cost money, which they do
and i shouldn't've put leads i should've put something... else...

and it's just my opinion -.-

Yes, people cheat, your point? Some people do it for sex, some people do it for money, some people do it for love...does it matter? It's not an argument that can be used to make sex look bad.

Have you ever read anything about rape? Rape is a sexual act, but it's goal is not sexual pleasure. Rape is done to demonstrate power. It's not sex that is the driving force between molestation, it's something that has gone wrong in your psychological backround.

And even bringing up death from childbirth is just plain stupid.

 

[invaderdim]

i know it is, i was jsut saying my opinions and things negative that are assciated with sex.
i dunno, im probably jsut trying to put negativity to sex in the back of my mind, but i just dont really like the idea of sex anyway.
so, now that's settled

 

[Grei]

i know it is, i was jsut saying my opinions and things negative that are assciated with sex.
i dunno, im probably jsut trying to put negativity to sex in the back of my mind, but i just dont really like the idea of sex anyway.
so, now that's settled

So those are reasons not to have sex?

That's like saying getting your license is bad because you could die in an accident or break down somewhere. Yeah, bad things can happen when you drive, but it's an ability that's useful and something that shouldn't be avoided for fear of bad things happening.

Just because there are bad things associated with sex doesn't mean it's all bad. Sex can be a wondrous thing if it's with the right person. I'm sorry you regret losing your virginity, but just because it was bad for you doesn't mean it will always have a bad outcome. I don't regret losing it because it was with somebody I love very dearly.

I don't care if you keep your views on sex or not, but I would suggest rethinking it. I don't know how old you are--maybe you're still young, and your opinions will naturally change--but regardless, sex shouldn't be viewed as something negative, because it isn't. Or, at least, it doesn't have to be.

 

[col_serra]

i heard once that sex before marrige is selfish(somebody tell how this could be true)

but if you truly love some one it shouldnt matter other wise dont do it

 

[invaderdim]

that's what i mean, with the right person, but i was just pointing out some negative things -.- and that i jsut generally dont want to have it. and it wasn't bad for me. i understand it doesn't have to be negative but like i said, i just don't like it and i guess that trying to understand why i don't like it came up with those reasons ;/
i'm not a psychologist (yet...)
but can we direct the topic away from me cos its getting a little personal and if it continues more people will carry on moaning at me or w.e
and yes, i understand my views will probably change
my views on EVERYTHING are very complicated and there is no way i can explain them all, but i cant help how i feel

thanks

edit: i forgot to say that another reason is that if someone truly loves you (r did i mention it, hmm...) it shouldnt matter if you have sex or not anyway but that's the subject ended! =]

 

[RichRI322]

wow you guys are REALLY young if you're talking about this. I lost mine years ago! But yeah I can see the anxiety level with it, dont worry, in later life it doesnt matter too much, just make sure you're very careful and USE PROTECTION ALWAYS!!!

 

[Carlisle]

Leave the guy alone. A woman can still get pregnant even if she uses birth control. (Especially, if she's also taking a medication along with it. You need to see this show called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." I think it's on Discovery Channel. Learn.) Protection that guys use can break or be broken on purpose (a relative of mine poked holes in my uncle's protection leading to my aunt having a baby.) Women have more things to worry about than men do--pregnancy, the guy leaving, raising a child by herself, being called inappropriate names in school, etc. That's why some of us want to wait until we're married.

I don't know why I'm bothering responding to your post. You don't have to be rude to someone for not wanting to have s@x before marriage. (You're on my ignore list by the way, Carlisle.)

If you're in your teens, I recommend you stay a virgin at least until your twenties or late twenties. Just saying. You don't have to take my advice if you don't want to, but don't come crying to me when something unpleasant happens to you.

I've noticed that none of you provided reasons to lose your virginity.

You just say "wrong" to someone who doesn't want to lose theirs.

Wow, you put me on your ignore list - way to go, Superman.

If you had bothered to read, nowhere did I say that anyone needs to lose their virginity, that birth control is foolproof, and if you had even read the posts, you would know the user I was talking to isn't even a virgin. And also, the fact that he and I took up our conversation in PM. Way to go. (And the word sex isn't censored, by the way.)

No one here is even saying people need to lose their virginity before marriage. People have simply stated that it's okay to do so. I guess reading isn't your thing.

 

[KartWheelyGirl]

Spoiler: Whatever.

Wow, you put me on your ignore list - way to go, Superman.

If you had bothered to read, nowhere did I say that anyone needs to lose their virginity, that birth control is foolproof, and if you had even read the posts, you would know the user I was talking to isn't even a virgin. And also, the fact that he and I took up our conversation in PM. Way to go.

No one here is even saying people need to lose their virginity before marriage. People have simply stated that it's okay to do so. I guess reading isn't my thing.

I was pointing out that protection doesn't always work. I never said that you said that it was flawless. I was just pointing out the flaws in that argument. I know he's not a virgin. He said he regretted losing it. However, you imply that he's "stupid" for providing reasons (while not elaborated on) for not having sex. I never said that you said those things that you claim you haven't said. Third, how was I supposed to know you took up the conversation in PM?

I apologize. I should have made that more clear.

For the people who aren't virgins and say "it's okay:"
Would anyone like to provide reasons for losing your virginity before marriage?

Here's some.
1: You get to have some practice before marriage.
2: In case it's not good, you're not committed to them, so you don't have to stay with them.

Now, it's your turn.

 

[Carlisle]

I'd send a PM, but as you have PMs shut off, I'll just post it here - as it relates to the topic.

First off, I'm a girl, not a man. Way to go for not knowing the difference between genders. (My username even has the word "girl" in it. Clearly, you don't like to read.) Secondly, I read both posts. I was pointing out that protection doesn't always work. I never said that you said that it was flawless. I was just pointing out the flaws in that argument. I know he's not a virgin, you didn't have to say it a second time. He regretted losing it. However, you imply that he's "stupid" for providing reasons (while not elaborated on) for not having sex. I never said that you said those things that you claim you haven't said.

I'm quite aware of your gender, thank you. Yes, we all know that protection isn't foolproof. However, given by the context of your post, it was worded as if you were trying to teach me that, considering your were quoting me. And what I said was "stupid" was making a negative association towards sex based on the fact that people die during childbirth. Which yes, I do think is stupid. Yes, I have seen I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. For the most part, that show is composed of trashy people. Regardless, everyone should know birth control can fail. People not knowing they're pregnant? It makes me skeptical, but that is a different issue. I'm tempted to ask you what I have done before, but you can send me a private message on that, since I am curious. I don't even know who you are. Nor do I want this thread to go off topic.

There aren't any true "reasons" for losing your virginity specifically before marriage. People, especially teenagers as a whole, do not care about the sacredness of it. It's just the way society has changed, and it will stay that way. People have sex because they think they love someone, and they go off and do it. Or they do it because they simply want to have sex, for whatever reason. Whether it is right or wrong does not matter to me, the main priority should be encouraging safe sex and making sure birth control, morning after pill, high quality condoms, etc. readily available.

 

[KartWheelyGirl]

I'd send a PM, but as you have PMs shut off, I'll just post it here - as it relates to the topic.

I'm quite aware of your gender, thank you. Yes, we all know that protection isn't foolproof. However, given by the context of your post, it was worded as if you were trying to teach me that, considering your were quoting me. And what I said was "stupid" was making a negative association towards sex based on the fact that people die during childbirth. Which yes, I do think is stupid. Yes, I have seen I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. For the most part, that show is composed of trashy people. Regardless, everyone should know birth control can fail. People not knowing they're pregnant? It makes me skeptical, but that is a different issue. I'm tempted to ask you what I have done before, but you can send me a private message on that, since I am curious. I don't even know who you are. Nor do I want this thread to go off topic.

There aren't any true "reasons" for losing your virginity specifically before marriage. People, especially teenagers as a whole, do not care about the sacredness of it. It's just the way society has changed, and it will stay that way. People have sex because they think they love someone, and they go off and do it. Or they do it because they simply want to have sex, for whatever reason. Whether it is right or wrong does not matter to me, the main priority should be encouraging safe sex and making sure birth control, morning after pill, high quality condoms, etc. readily available.

I agree with your second paragraph completely.

However, it is true that some women have died while giving childbirth. I'm guessing it's either because they didn't have enough oxygen or they lost too much blood. When you're pushing, you may not get enough air. Some women, if not all, need lots of stitches after childbirth, especially if the baby is big. (I was 9 pounds when I was born.) I've read somewhere that red heads need more anesthesia than blonds and brunettes because of genetics. (I believe that is why I felt pain when my wisdom teeth were taken out and my mouth wasn't numb until after the operation, but that is another story.) I am a red head, and I believe other red heads should tell their doctor that they are red heads so the doctor can provide them with the right amount when going into childbirth.

Those tie into my reasons for staying a virgin. I don't want to get pregnant any time soon and I don't want to get stitches either. I also don't want to go through morning sickness. I don't want to get pregnant pr give birth in the state of NJ. (No offense to anyone from NJ.)

I'm sorry if I sounded rude. I just don't like it when it seems like someone is insulting someone else or myself. I suggested PM, because I didn't want you to insult me in this thread again.

 

[kochoupink]

For the people who aren't virgins and say "it's okay:"
Would anyone like to provide reasons for losing your virginity before marriage?

Here's some.
1: You get to have some practice before marriage.
2: In case it's not good, you're not committed to them, so you don't have to stay with them.

Now, it's your turn.

My reasons were thus:

I had spent too long fixated on sex (or rather the absence of), and was tired of it defining a part of me. I felt that it took up too much of my self.

It really limits your writing when there's a part of the human experience of which you haven't any knowledge, but your audience probably will.

I loved my boyfriend enough that I was ok with it being him.

It was a very positive experience. I did it for myself, and I regret nothing about it.

I think that's when you're really "ready," if you want to define it: when you're doing it for yourself. Not for the person you're with, not for society, not to prove a point, but for your own peace of mind.

And Molly Bloom's soliloquy, of course. Mmmmm.

I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

(That's James Joyce, y'all. Gets me every time.)

 

[kochoupink]

Actually, I do know the things you "do" during it. I just haven't done it yet with anyone. When I do, I prefer to do it with a male (who has been a male his entire life), and he has to be a genuine nice guy. I'm not going to do it with a guy who makes me feel insecure or makes me feel I have to do it. I agree, you should do it when it's right for you and know you won't regret it afterwards.

But since I had my first kiss last Halloween (I was 18 at the time), I'm not going to have sex anytime soon. I would like to just date first. (It's like dipping your foot into the pool first before going in.)

I mean, there's a difference between having knowledge of a subject and actually knowing a subject; it's like taking a field class without ever actually getting in the field. You know the crystal forms, sure, but until you've compared plagioclase and oligoclase feldspar in person, you're never going to really understand the difference. It's like a blind person trying to write about color; you know it's there, you may understand the concept of it, but you can't truly describe something you haven't experienced.

Understand that neither I nor anyone else is questioning your decision, all humorous sexual propositioning aside; you absolutely have a right to it, and everyone respects your ability to think for yourself and your determination to do what's best for you. However, you asked why we made the decisions we knew were best for us. I answered

 

[FlawLass]

I'm still a virgin and i don't losing it very soon.

 

[Cool_Trainer_Tyrone]

im tired of people making fun of virginity and when health teacher use the scare tactic. Your not gonna automatically get STD's or HIV/AIDS bye having sex. you wont get any diseases if you only have sex with the same partner.
some people's veiws depend on moral's.
a christian view
--Wait until married
--only have sex with one person dont cheat
-- with wife only
average view
--have sex with the person you love
--use condom's.
--dont cheat.
--have sex with same oerson
Low moral view
--have sex with anyone
--condoms will protect you (full immunity)
--love and virginity is over-rated.

My aunt has different dude's almost every week that she f**k's because she has low low self esteem, and worse, shes screwing dudes in front of her own damn children.

Wow!! so what your saying is if some has sex with someone they dont love they have low morals? And your also saying the average person only has sex with someone they love,LOL i really think that the average person between 18 and 25 has had sex with randoms after going out to night clubs and hooking up with someone,its a pretty normal lifestyle when your a young adult.....do you get out much or are you still in highschool?

Sex is normal,you dont have low morals if you have one night stands,and play it safe,sex is just as natural as eating,sleeping etc,and its heathy IMO

 

[Grei]

wow you guys are REALLY young if you're talking about this. I lost mine years ago! But yeah I can see the anxiety level with it, dont worry, in later life it doesnt matter too much, just make sure you're very careful and USE PROTECTION ALWAYS!!!

What did you expect? You're on a Pokemon forum. : /

Plus, a lot of us on here are actually in their late teens and early twenties, which is when a lot of people seem to be losing their virginities.

\You guys don't have to be rude to someone for not wanting to have sex before marriage. (Meaning everyone, not just Carlisle.)

He's not a virgin, and his opinions on sex were extremely negative and overly-extreme. Half of what he felt would happen from sex isn't true.

If you're a girl in your teens, I recommend you stay a virgin at least until your twenties or late twenties. Just saying. You don't have to take my advice if you don't want to, but don't come crying to me when something unpleasant happens to you.

Why would anybody come crying to you because of a bad sex experience?

I've noticed that none of you provided reasons to lose your virginity.

You just say "it's okay, you can use protection," to someone who doesn't want to lose theirs.

I haven't tried convincing people to lose their virginity. Most of us on here haven't tried either. You're delusional.

If you want to hear reasons why:

• Sex as a teenager (or a younger age in general) is a means of "experimentation". You'll be more experienced in the adult world if you try out a lot of things as a teenager, and sex, frankly, is one of them. Now, I'm not saying you should be a prostitute or sleep around or something, but it is a form of experimentation.
  
• There's no reason to wait. Not everybody is a maniac about religion and thinks that sex before marriage is a one-way ticket to Hell. Some of us don't even believe in Hell. I don't know what I believe, but honestly, I think it'd be stupid to keep myself from having sex just because a mistranslated old book says it's "wrong."
  
• Waiting until you're a mature adult to have sex may lessen the sexual experience, believe it or not. You may not get the same experience as an adult as you would a teenager. More people will be "first-timers" as teenagers, too. The act may mean more, depending on your beliefs.
  
• It's an act of love, to the highest degree. When you love somebody very, very dearly, you want to show that person your love. While there are other means of showing affection, I think most people would agree that sex can be a very strong means of showing love, if it's with the right person. I love my girlfriend very much, and sex has brought us closer than ever before. It's a bonding process.

Those are a few reasons. There are tons of reasons not to have sex, but frankly, if you cut out all of the "ifs", you don't have a huge amount of reasons against. Nobody has to lose their virginity, and none of us are trying to coerce people into having sex, despite your wild fantasies about the contrary.

But I, for one, don't see the point in waiting. In the game of life, one must learn to take chances, and not take life for granted. Tomorrow may never come. Why wait for things like sex until you're older, when you don't even know if you'll see tomorrow's light?

 

[col_serra]

But I, for one, don't see the point in waiting. In the game of life, one must learn to take chances, and not take life for granted. Tomorrow may never come. Why wait for things like sex until you're older, when you don't even know if you'll see tomorrow's light?

this is the most true thing ive heard you my friend are a hero

 

[Profesco]

If you want to hear reasons why:

Sex as a teenager (or a younger age in general) is a means of "experimentation". You'll be more experienced in the adult world if you try out a lot of things as a teenager, and sex, frankly, is one of them. Now, I'm not saying you should be a prostitute or sleep around or something, but it is a form of experimentation.

It's an act of love, to the highest degree. When you love somebody very, very dearly, you want to show that person your love. While there are other means of showing affection, I think most people would agree that sex can be a very strong means of showing love, if it's with the right person. I love my girlfriend very much, and sex has brought us closer than ever before. It's a bonding process.

The "experimentation" reason contradicts the "highest form of love expression" reason. If you're sexing up a few different people for fun or experience, it's really not being an expression of deep love and connection, it's just practice. However, I agree with and fully respect the "love" reason. That's the way it should be, honestly. The "experimentation" or "practice" reason I find to be disrespectfully casual, as we've already gone over so tediously early in the thread. Grei, I'll tell you your reasons to have sex would be far more understandable and appreciable if you'd left out that first one.

There's no reason to wait. Not everybody is a maniac about religion and thinks that sex before marriage is a one-way ticket to Hell. Some of us don't even believe in Hell. I don't know what I believe, but honestly, I think it'd be stupid to keep myself from having sex just because a mistranslated old book says it's "wrong."

That's just not true. Many people have many reasons to wait, even if they're personal or individual in nature. Heck, even if they're just based on a chain of logical or moral reasoning that led to a different decision than yours. Actually, after everything I've contributed to this thread, you ought to by now realize that religion isn't the only thing standing in the way of casual sex. There being no reason at all is either a glib non-fact or an opinion on your part. Out of the plentiful respect I have for you, I'll assume it's the latter.

Nobody has to lose their virginity, and none of us are trying to coerce people into having sex, despite your wild fantasies about the contrary.

Agreed. We needn't take the debate forum as a mind-control forum, KartWheelyGirl. We're just explaining individual beliefs. Actual convincing should never - let me repeat, never - be realistically expected. You'll just end up angry or offended.

In the game of life, one must learn to take chances, and not take life for granted. Tomorrow may never come. Why wait for things like sex until you're older, when you don't even know if you'll see tomorrow's light?

That's all courageous and inspiring and invigorating and everything, but once again it's carelessly glib. Doing whatever you want whenever you want is great for a small selection of things in life, and makes a snappy and refreshing motto, but it fails realistically. People do need to learn and grow and understand and respect the decisions they make in life. It is human to err, but it is wise to err on the side of caution. Personally, I prefer wisdom over recklessness.

 

[KartWheelyGirl]

Agreed. We needn't take the debate forum as a mind-control forum, KartWheelyGirl. We're just explaining individual beliefs. Actual convincing should never - let me repeat, never - be realistically expected. You'll just end up angry or offended.

I only get offended if someone insults my intelligence. (I made the Dean's list my first semester of college, so I'm not stupid. No one here understands or knows me or the tone of voice I'm using, because I don't explain myself fully especially if someone just insulted me and I'm upset with them. I feel I must respond quickly before more people jump in and upset me more.) I never said anyone in this thread was trying to convince anyone else. I just for people to provide some reasons as to why it's "okay" to lose their virginity, because I, and several other members provided reasons not to before marriage. It's not much of a debate if you don't provide reasons to validate your argument. I have my own person reasons for waiting other than the ones I provided in previous posts. I'm not trying to control anyone. I'm just saying to those who have lost it or do it to be careful because there are risks and one should be prepared for whatever could happen.

 

[Grei]

The "experimentation" reason contradicts the "highest form of love expression" reason. If you're sexing up a few different people for fun or experience, it's really not being an expression of deep love and connection, it's just practice. However, I agree with and fully respect the "love" reason. That's the way it should be, honestly. The "experimentation" or "practice" reason I find to be disrespectfully casual, as we've already gone over so tediously early in the thread. Grei, I'll tell you your reasons to have sex would be far more understandable and appreciable if you'd left out that first one.

I don't think it's contradictory. Dating people is a form of experimentation, but love can still be involved. Notice I said that it doesn't mean one should sleep around and have sex with multiple people, but regardless of how many people you have sex with (be it many or one), it's experimentation. And yet, it can still be love. I've expressed how it's an act of love a number of times in this thread, so I won't rant about that, but just because the act may be out of love doesn't mean it can't also have benefits as experimentation.

That's just not true. Many people have many reasons to wait, even if they're personal or individual in nature. Heck, even if they're just based on a chain of logical or moral reasoning that led to a different decision than yours. Actually, after everything I've contributed to this thread, you ought to by now realize that religion isn't the only thing standing in the way of casual sex. There being no reason at all is either a glib non-fact or an opinion on your part. Out of the plentiful respect I have for you, I'll assume it's the latter.

I was stating my opinion. For me, the statement is true. I could've phrased it better, yes, but honestly, I see no reason to wait. Of course there are reasons to wait, as I stated later in my post. What I meant was, in my opinion there isn't much of a valid reason to wait, because sex needn't be some big ritual. Sorry, my bad. ^^;

That's all courageous and inspiring and invigorating and everything, but once again it's carelessly glib. Doing whatever you want whenever you want is great for a small selection of things in life, and makes a snappy and refreshing motto, but it fails realistically. People do need to learn and grow and understand and respect the decisions they make in life. It is human to err, but it is wise to err on the side of caution. Personally, I prefer wisdom over recklessness.

Take the phrase "carpe diem" in it's most obvious meaning, and apply that to what I said. It's closer to what I meant--you shouldn't be held back by things just because you "need to wait." If you have the chance to do something, do it. That's not to say you need to charge through life doing as many things as possible at every given opportunity, but if you say "Why do today what I may put off until tomorrow", then you won't truly "live", in my opinion.

I only get offended if someone insults my intelligence. (I made the Dean's list my first semester of college, so I'm not stupid. No one here understands or knows me or the tone of voice I'm using, because I don't explain myself fully especially if someone just insulted me and I'm upset with them. I feel I must respond quickly before more people jump in and upset me more.) I never said anyone in this thread was trying to convince anyone else. I just for people to provide some reasons as to why it's "okay" to lose their virginity, because I, and several other members provided reasons not to before marriage. It's not much of a debate if you don't provide reasons to validate your argument. I have my own person reasons for waiting other than the ones I provided in previous posts. I'm not trying to control anyone. I'm just saying to those who have lost it or do it to be careful because there are risks and one should be prepared for whatever could happen.

Like Profesco said above and like I said in the PM--nobody is attacking you. Nobody is insulting your intelligence, we're debating our points against yours (which, blatantly put, were stated in a bullheaded manner--it'd be easy for somebody else to be offended by what you said. I was, to an extent). No need to take a defensive front to our responses--this is debating.