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I wasn't raised by Sarah Palin. I try real hard to see the POV that casual sex isn't just being ****ty. However, like Profesco pointed out, the fact that some just consider girls a quick bang makes us feel as though we are definitely worth no more than some hole in a log for the horny. However, both males and females can be rather addicted to sex, so, whatever.
I am 31 and STILL a virgin. When I was a fast food manager, my late teen female employees looked at me in confusion and wondered how I could live that long without having "a man" and "kids". I said, if that's what floats your boat, fine -- but you're not even 20, you have multiple children, and you're making minimum wage in a fast food joint. Where was the intelligence there?
Don't wait til marriage because: What if you and your husband/wife are not sexually compatible? Like you just do not enjoy your sex life with that person. Now you're stuck with them AND you dread the sex life. That's a divorce waiting to happen.
Depends on the individuals in question, not everyone places a high value on the sexual aspects of a relationship. Honestly I would give up sex all together if it were in exchange for a relationship with a person I truly cared for and who felt the same for me. This is something you would definetly have to discuss with your partner so as not to forget about their wants/needs, but if they felt the same it is entirely possible to have a quality and long-term relationship and marriage with someone this way.
Depends on the individuals in question, not everyone places a high value on the sexual aspects of a relationship. Honestly I would give up sex all together if it were in exchange for a relationship with a person I truly cared for and who felt the same for me. This is something you would definetly have to discuss with your partner so as not to forget about their wants/needs, but if they felt the same it is entirely possible to have a quality and long-term relationship and marriage with someone this way.
I'd say that he's right on the mark...marriage isn't all about sex, and yes, many have had troubles with their sexual compatibility after marriage. HOWEVER, it could be worked out, no? They could talk about their sex lives after marrying, so that would have sort of a hold back against divorcing- the strong commitment....I mean they DID promise to be together for forever...why let a sexual conflict break that up? [even tho it does anyway]
I cannot say as to what I will do personally...I have been strictly raised to abide by the rule to wait until after marrying, but I, being almost 17, don't know...I mean, waiting until after marriage IS a bit old-fashioned but a heck-of-alot safer.
Heh, i'm probably one of the few people in the world who could really care less about sex in a relationship. Course I am more of a romantic and tend to favor other parts of a relationships over sex, thats not to say I don't think sex can't be romantic. I don't think any less of people who choose to have casul sex but I certainly do respect those who wait and personally believe it says alot about a person's character and priorities in life. Of course this is not an absolute.
I also agree that sex is not a deciding factor in having a strong and enduring relationship. After all look at the people in life who you love and care for the most, your family, friends, and even a significant other(if you have someone). If you truly love someone you will work on any issues you may have for as long as it takes, even though you may never succeed at it.
Heh, i'm probably one of the few people in the world who could really care less about sex in a relationship. Course I am more of a romantic and tend to favor other parts of a relationships over sex, thats not to say I don't think sex can't be romantic. I don't think any less of people who choose to have casul sex but I certainly do respect those who wait and personally believe it says alot about a person's character and priorities in life. Of course this is not an absolute.
I also agree that sex is not a deciding factor in having a strong and enduring relationship. After all look at the people in life who you love and care for the most, your family, friends, and even a significant other(if you have someone). If you truly love someone you will work on any issues you may have for as long as it takes, even though you may never succeed at it.
Your not the only person who doesn't place much emphasis on sex, I really would prefer to just never have sex if it couldn't be with the person I most loved. I have had opportunities in my life to have sex and have turned them down simply because I did not love the person enough, I just don't think its fair to someone to lead them on. Even if I go through my entire life without having sex it would be fine with me, I care more about finding someone I love and cherish than satisfying urges. I may never find the love I am looking for in my life but I sure won't quit until the end, and to me that love is worth waiting for. Everyone has to make the choice for themselves on what they want.
Also the whole idea that sex has to be part of a relationship for it to be successful is simply not true. There are many marriages and relationships out there that sex has never even been a part of either through choice or circumstance and yet they thrive while others falter.
I cannot say as to what I will do personally...I have been strictly raised to abide by the rule to wait until after marrying, but I, being almost 17, don't know...I mean, waiting until after marriage IS a bit old-fashioned but a heck-of-alot safer.
Waiting is not something you should view in a negative context, and you definetly shouldn't care if others try to claim it as old-fashioned. You should make the choice with your heart and what you believe to be right.
I wasn't raised by Sarah Palin. I try real hard to see the POV that casual sex isn't just being ****ty. However, like Profesco pointed out, the fact that some just consider girls a quick bang makes us feel as though we are definitely worth no more than some hole in a log for the horny.
Thanks, ImJessieTR. That's really all I was trying to get across.
That's another person you're on/under/in; it's not just some funbag. Whether you think sex is predominantly emotional or physical, you have to accept that you are engaged with another human being. Their mind, their body, their emotions (their soul, if you're of the spiritual persuasion). A human being has worth. A human being deserves respect and consideration and honor. I simply don't understand why anybody would try to argue otherwise. =[
ImJessieTR, TrainerGrr, and Sobooboo, thank you all for sharing your respectful views. I enjoy hearing them. ^_^
That's another person you're on/under/in; it's not just some funbag. Whether you think sex is predominantly emotional or physical, you have to accept that you are engaged with another human being. Their mind, their body, their emotions (their soul, if you're of the spiritual persuasion). A human being has worth. A human being deserves respect and consideration and honor. I simply don't understand why anybody would try to argue otherwise. =[
And because with casual sex, you are only using that person for the sexual pleasure. That is, effectively, turning them into a glorified prostitute (maybe not even glorified!); someone whose only value is sexual.
That's the thing. In my opinion, if you have sex, and then just start talking about it loudly so that people around you can hear you, that shows you aren't mature enough for sex in the first place. Those mature enough should be able to have sex and not feel the overwhelming urge to show their "maturity" to others by announcing that they've had sex.
That's the difference. Having sex and not making a huge deal out of it is one thing. Having sex and announcing it is quite another.
NO one should have sex until there married, let alone not being able to take care of kids. LADIES, listen, If you have sex with a guy that claims to "love" you, and your under 18, and you get pregnant, they are MOST LIKELY leave you, as in, the guy will split and wont take care of his kid, because the boy isnt ready to be a father.
Yeah. But that's why SMART people who have sex, use protection. So no kids. :]
Sex isn't all for having babies, sorry. :X it's a fun, pleasurable bond between two or more people.
Some people find it very serious and almost 'sacred', and others find it just yeah, it's sex. Woope. That's how I am. I don't see what's so 'sacred' about it. If you like someone that much, and want to do the funs with them, go ahead. :] No one can stop you.
People actually follow those? I've always wondered if people look that kind of stuff up before sex. "Oh, this says I'm not old enough. I'll wait." Not necessarily directed towards you, LedZeppelin1.
@ Fused: Nice. Already got to what I was saying - this is a big point as to why sex shouldn't wait for marriage:
And is also something that nobody replied to in my other post.
People who are in love are in love, yes?
People who get married are in love, yes?
A very large argument in abstinence is waiting until you're married to have sex, yes?
So tell me.
If love is love,
And marriage is love,
Why is there this rule?
What, we have to make our love "official" and spend money before we have sex?
Marriage should only come from true love. If you truly love the person, then there shouldn't be a need to get married. A desire, sure. But certainly not a need.
Please somebody respond to this because I'd like to see how people would argue against it.
EDIT: @ Mr. Mudkip: That was rude... I don't care how stupid Dattebayo may be or how many times I've argued against or with him, calling him not smart (or implying that he isn't smart) is rude.
A parent definitely is more mature than a child and knows what is best or them. Do you think the rate of teen pregnancy would be so high if teens asked their parents for permission to have sex?
No, it wouldn't change. What teen asks their parents for permission and follows what they say? Hardly any. That's like telling a four year old "That's hot! Don't touch it!" "(touches it)" I mean, really.
"Mommy, Daddy, can I bone a young fellow?" "No, sweetheart." Two days later she's turning tricks on the corner.
As a practicing Buddhist, I believe that vaginal virginity should be conserved until after marriage, but I am taught that anal virginity is OK to take away before marriage.
Abstinence until the age of 18 should be mandatory.
all the time I hear how people are gonna 'get some', and it sickens me that people nowadays treat sex like a hobby rather than something special. But I guess that's wahts cool; being promiscous and having sex with everybody.
Also, for the record, I'm a virgin...and 21. Go ahead, laugh. But I know if I ever have sex, it'll have a lot more meaning than other people's first times.
im tired of people making fun of virginity and when health teacher use the scare tactic. Your not gonna automatically get STD's or HIV/AIDS bye having sex. you wont get any diseases if you only have sex with the same partner.
some people's veiws depend on moral's. a christian view
--Wait until married
--only have sex with one person dont cheat
-- with wife only average view
--have sex with the person you love
--use condom's.
--dont cheat.
--have sex with same oerson Low moral view
--have sex with anyone
--condoms will protect you (full immunity)
--love and virginity is over-rated.
My aunt has different dude's almost every week that she f**k's because she has low low self esteem, and worse, shes screwing dudes in front of her own damn children.
But, in the end, it's all about maturity. You can't honestly tell someone when they can or cannot have sex. People do, but meh. If you are ready to face having an STD or HIV, or having a child (whether or not you can cure the STD, or abort the baby) ... then I'd say you're ready. Because, I mean... you can't abort the child every time you get hit with the super sperm. =\ You COULD I guess, but... yeah lol.
Wow quite a hot button issue. First off let me say it is nice to see quite a few other individuals whose words speak volumes about their maturity in such a controversial subject, its a pleasure to read well thought out posts that display common courtesy.
Now for me I have always held virginity in a high regard for myself. Sex is not a necessity in life so there is no real reason I cannot wait for the day that I get married. I'm not saying this is something everyone should abide to, this is a free world (mostly) and all people should make the choice of their own free will. But I am definitely waiting till the day I find someone who I plan to make a real commitment towards and actually start a life with. Call me a sentimental fool but sex means something to me cause i'm human and have my own feelings and emotions, and as such I respect the people I form relationships with whether they be friends, family, romantic interests, or even peers. I'm not saying others don't respect the people they are with, I just believe it to be a sign of my commitment and devotion to wait on sex when I am in a romantic relationship with someone. I also see it the same way when someone I am with is willing to wait on sex until marriage, or at least until a truly serious commitment towards being together. It shows to me they value our relationship and that we really have similar intentions towards each other.
Finally, I know it sounds trite but your life really does change in ways you cannot predict as you mature and grow older so the person you are today and the priorities you have are going to change for most of the younger posters. So something you see as a good time today may be one of the biggest regrets you have in your life. So no matter what your choice, people be safe, be smart, and never let someone force you to do something you don't want. Talk with a trusted family member, friend, or teacher if you really need help in a situation your facing.
But this is because you're viewing sex as something much grander than it actually has to be. When I have sex with my girlfriend, sometimes it can be something that's about showing her how much I love her, and other times it's purely because it's damn good. And it's not that I'm somehow demeaning her character by having sex with her when its purely for pleasure (in the same way someone having casual sex will be doing too), if this were the case then I would have to be ashamed of myself for not getting to know the intimate workings of the girl who delivers my papers. If sex was always this grand thing that so many (lets be honest) inexperienced people seem to building it up as, then I would agree that casual sex would actually be very cruel, but it isn't. It's only special when the relationship is special anyway.
I can be pretty sure that your opinions will change by the time you're older. Besides the fact that they aren't glorified prostitutes, a lot of kids don't want to get married. If you just turned 16 and decided a few years back that you wouldn't get married, would that be about 13? 14?
Does it sound right for someone to say "I'll never get married" at age fourteen and keep that promise?
Its not a massive deal to me. Didnt have any feeling for the girl, just took the chance.
You're right--sex isn't an end-all thing, so it shouldn't be treated as such, but your mindset on sex and women in general seems to be a little warped... at least, to my opinion. Women aren't just object to have sex with when you have "the chance." You may regret just having sex with a girl you didn't have feeling for, especially later in life. I feel sorry for you, as well, because you missed out on the emotional bonding and feeling of closeness during your "first time." I truly believe the emotional closeness obtained from sex is just as good, if not better, than the physical gratification, especially in the long run.
Come on... the idea that women are glorified prostitutes is obviously disrespectful and objectionable. A person has worth beyond merely what sexual pleasure they can give you.
To be fair, you can turn this around and say men are heartless and are nothing but humping machines, because of today's society. While it's true that a lot of men will agree--again, because society tells us that's "good" and "normal"--it's also true that this is disrespectful.
Otherwise, I completely agree. A person is a person, not a sex object. Even if they are prostitutes, they deserve more than the generalization that "all women are prostitutes."
That's another person you're on/under/in; it's not just some funbag. Whether you think sex is predominantly emotional or physical, you have to accept that you are engaged with another human being. Their mind, their body, their emotions (their soul, if you're of the spiritual persuasion). A human being has worth. A human being deserves respect and consideration and honor. I simply don't understand why anybody would try to argue otherwise. =[
And because with casual sex, you are only using that person for the sexual pleasure. That is, effectively, turning them into a glorified prostitute (maybe not even glorified!); someone whose only value is sexual.
Not necessarily. You both would be providing a service to each other. A prostitute who engages in casual sex with a man knows exactly what she's getting into and how he see her (or him, you never know these days.) They are using each other to reach selfish ends.
I'd say that he's right on the mark...marriage isn't all about sex, and yes, many have had troubles with their sexual compatibility after marriage. HOWEVER, it could be worked out, no? They could talk about their sex lives after marrying, so that would have sort of a hold back against divorcing- the strong commitment....I mean they DID promise to be together for forever...why let a sexual conflict break that up? [even tho it does anyway]
Marriage isn't all about sex, but sexual relations are one of the most connecting and trust-related aspects in a relationship. It's a form of bonding and, while it shouldn't necessarily make or break a relationship, there is nothing wrong with using it to place a worth on the relationship. If you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life, at least make sure you enjoy every relationship you have with them.
You cut off your sentence, there: 'your sexual partner is worthless... beyond sex.' That's how it should've been. A slight omission straw men can make~
And Johnny, the difference is that, whether you're having sex for pleasure or emotional connection (and indeed, my point of view is that the two characteristics of sex are so ingrained into the act that they're inseparable), it's not casual and disrespectful between you two because you're in a relationship that contains meaning and committment as a whole, sex inclusive.
Not necessarily. You both would be providing a service to each other. A prostitute who engages in casual sex with a man knows exactly what she's getting into and how he see her (or him, you never know these days.) They are using each other to reach selfish ends.
Yes, they both know what they're getting into, I won't deny that. But I'm of the type that thinks sex as a business transaction isn't properly respectful to either party involved; incidentally, it's parallel with my view on casual sex as a whole. And yes, that does also hinge on my interpretation of everything that sex actually is, which is a very subjective topic at usual inspection, so it is fairly exhaustive to debate.
In any case (GhostAnime, this serves as a response to you, too), both parties knowing what is happening does not make it any 'righter.'
Marriage isn't all about sex, but sexual relations are one of the most connecting and trust-related aspects in a relationship. It's a form of bonding and, while it shouldn't necessarily make or break a relationship, there is nothing wrong with using it to place a worth on the relationship. If you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life, at least make sure you enjoy every relationship you have with them.
What's even more hilarious than your misrepresentation of my stance above is the way you acknowledge that "sexual relations are one of the most connecting and trust-related aspects in a relationship," while trying to portray casual sex as nothing meaningful. Maybe I'm arguing from an archaic and possibly overly romanticized standpoint, but I'm quite sure I've managed to be consistent with myself. =/
With love, I say that.