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What are some great ways to **** with telemarketers?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Polls' started by kingoftheyellowpeople, Feb 15, 2013.

  1. - Repeat everything they say
    - Tell them about your fake depressing life
    - Name some more
     
  2. LizardonX

    LizardonX Banned

    Say you already got the service from their competitor.
     
  3. SkyeAce

    SkyeAce Member

    Say the person they called for is dead.
    Or if they ask about windows say that they called a cell phone and your cardboard box has none!
     
  4. Hejiru

    Hejiru Rev up those fryers

    Simply hang up instead of thinking of ways to mess with people who are required to read from that stupid script and probably hate their job?
     
  5. Rezzo

    Rezzo Donkey Kong is here

    Pretend you're going through labour
     
  6. Sceptile Master

    Sceptile Master my boy is best boy

    Soundboards. 10charlimit
     
  7. THRILLHO

    THRILLHO nothin' at all

    if this thread is just going to turn in to a bunch of oneword10char posts it is going to get closed pretty quick, try to actually be interesting ok
     
  8. The Admiral

    The Admiral sans visage

    Pretend to be a telemarketer in return.

    If you have enough time in your daily life to screw with people who have probably one of the most widely loathed jobs there currently is outside of congressman, surely you can figure out a way to make this work.
     
  9. Bananarama

    Bananarama Another trophy

    Answer in a foreign language.
     
  10. Ze DreamGirl

    Ze DreamGirl Future Vaporeon

    That one I could probably do...if a telemarketer from the US decides to call me at home in France...but I doubt it...XD
     
  11. Steampunk

    Steampunk One Truth Prevails

    Start singing. (I actually did that once.)
     
  12. Kiruria

    Kiruria La Melancolie Noir

    Ah telemarketers. Unless they really are complete ***holes, they probably hate their job. So when one calls me, I try to be nice to them above all else. I know this wasn't with a telemarketer, but just a couple of days ago some members of some religious group came up to me with one of those mini-bibles and wanted to give me one and tell me about some crazy belief of theirs. So in response, I told them I already had one of those mini-bible-thingies, and that I found it "enlightening" and tied in some of my own wisdom with whatever belief they were preaching. They seemed really happy when I said goodbye to them.

    So a strategy like this might work for telemarketers as well. Alternatively, you might try being silly about it. Maybe sound like an automated message and say something along the lines of "The number you have reached has been disconnected. Please contact (name of phone company) for further assistance." And just keep repeating this.

    Or if you really do want to weird the telemarketer out, pretend to flirt with the caller.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  13. mitchman_93

    mitchman_93 AND IT WAS THIS BIG!

    Ask them really odd questions that are related to the thing they're selling. Yes, oh your selling internet? Okay continue. Oh, good download rates and streaming? Well then, how long would it take me to download some porn? 5 minutes? Great.

    They never called again. XD
     
  14. Rinni

    Rinni Hero of the Storm

    I know a good one is to let them ramble on with their 5 minute spiel and then, only then, after they have finished, say that you are not interested. :)

    My Dad has played this one before;
    1- Answer the phone.
    2- Place handset down gently.
    3- Walk away for a good 10 minutes.
    4- Pick up handset. (They've likely to have hung up long ago)
    5- Win Win.
     
  15. Canada

    Canada Banned

    Don't answer when they phone you.
     
  16. facetious

    facetious machtverfilzung

    Hang up?

    I don't have time to **** around with telemarketers. Sorry.
     
  17. Akwakwak

    Akwakwak Chu Chu Yeah!

    If you can do a decent impression of Liam Neeson just repeat what he says during the phone scene in Taken, I do this a lot. Or you can just prolong the conversation until you "decide" the product isn't for you.
     
  18. Kiruria

    Kiruria La Melancolie Noir

    This is precisely why I like to think of ways to make them laugh or weird them out at most, rather than frustrate or humiliate them. I've never actually done any of these, but here are a couple I've thought of doing:

    1. Pretend you're from a different time period or a fantasy world or something. I once had a daydream about doing this where I was a faery tale princess. I would open with "Hello, if you'd kindly send a letter with your request to the Royal Postman and tell them Princess Millicent sent you, I'd be much obliged." I'd then pretend to be said postman, and, after joking about having never heard of the contraption of which they speak, telling them that they may have inquired about a vision the princess has seen in the magic mirror, but that the caller must hurry in providing a solution before the princess falls victim to the evil sorcerer's curse. In the daydream, the caller laughed and hung up, needless to say.

    2. If you know a foreign language, speak entirely in that language and try to convince the caller that you don't know any English. Although be sure it's a language they probably don't know--i.e. if the caller sounds Indian, don't speak Hindi or Punjabi. French and Spanish are probably not good ideas no matter who the caller is, since those languages are pretty commonly known.

    3. Make baby sounds the entire time, and try to eat the phone as well.

    4. Act like a famous fictional character, if you can do a good impression of one. I once had a daydream about this where I pretended to be a Pikachu.
     

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