What now..?

[RealRaymon]

It was a good chapter. A battle between Shiftrys was exciting and funny at the same time

 

[TheSirPeras]

I really didnt enjoy this chapter much....I thought battle will heat up.but nothing happened and also battle didnt get complete. Also your gaps of posting between two chapters are big. That means,in my opinion,i got nothing interesting after waiting for a long time.looking forward to next chapter though....

I'll try to make the next one more exciting.
Man, I've had a lot of school work lately. Believe me, 2 maths tests, 2 spanish tests, a Humanities presentation, a german poster to do... it's not easy

Thanks Raymon

Well good thing is, I'm around 2/5 done with the next chapter. Should finish sometimes this weekend

 

[ChampioN-Trainer-BriaN]

okay dude....we're looking forward.

 

[TheSirPeras]

Chapter 6: The fighting fighter!​

Tyson (throws a Pokeball to the battle field): Donphan, you’re up!

Sidney: Sharpedo, let’s win this!

(A small lake appears in the middle of the battle field)

Sidney: Thank you, Steven.

Tyson: A water and dark type huh… Donphan, let’s do this!

Donphan (lifts his snout): PHAN!

Sidney (points at Donphan): Sharpedo, use Surf!

Tyson (with a scared expression): He knows Surf?!

(Sharpedo summons a wave in front of him that advances in front of it, causing destruction on the battlefield)

Donphan (steps back with a sick look): Phan…

(The wave advances slowly, whilst some water is already touching Donphan’s feet)

Donphan (starts panicking): Donphan! Phan!

Tyson: Uhm… Use Rollout to try to get behind the wave!

(Donphan goes in a roll position and rapidly goes towards the wave)

Tyson (thinking): C’mon Donphan…

Sidney (grins): Hm…

(Donphan and the wave collide. However, Donphan is thrown back against a rock from the battle field)

Tyson: Donphan, are you okay?!

Donphan (trying to get up, whispering): Phan…

Tyson (sighs): At least we got rid of that wave…

Sidney: Surf, again!

Sharpedo: Sharrr!

Tyson (yells): Oh c'mon!

(Another wave summons in front of Sharpedo, and once again, it slowly advances towards Donphan)

Tyson (thinking): Man! He’s got the battle field in his advantage…

Phoebe (giggling): That Surf really takes up the whole field…

Sidney (annoyed): Phoebe, stay out of this!

Tyson: The whole field… that’s it!

Donphan (looks back): Phan?!

Tyson (pointing at the ground in front of Donphan): Donphan, if you use Sandstorm, the Surf will eventually be trapped there!

Donphan (“puts on” an aggressive look): Donphan!

Sidney (smirks): Hm…

Sharpedo (smirks): Shar…

(Donphan rolls on the battle field quickly, creating a big sandstorm)

Tyson: Good job Donphan! That should be easy now!

Sidney: Sharpedo, create a line of Surf waves!

Tyson: What the…

(Sharpedo summons a few more waves in front of him)

Sidney: Now control them.

Sharpedo (eyes glow red): Sharr…

(The waves start getting faster)

Donphan (looks back to Tyson scared): Phan?

Tyson (whispering to himself): What should I do?

(The waves collide with the Sandstorm, destroying it, while the other waves keep advancing, getting faster and faster)

Tyson: Donphan, try to use Earthquake!

Donphan (nods): Phan!

Sharpedo (closes his eyes): Sharrrrr…

(The waves end up destroying the Earthquake attack, and then hit Donphan)

Donphan (lying on the floor): Phan…

Tyson (grabs his Pokeball): You were great, you really were! You deserve some rest, though! Man, we gotta stop that Surf!

Sidney: Sharpedo was actually the second Pokemon we caught, after Absol. We had a lot of training to perfect this Surf attack, and it has really paid off.

Tyson: It really has… but to fight sheer power, we need sheer power! Go, Metagross!

Sidney (with a surprised look): A… Metagross?

Phoebe (laughing): Even Sidney is surprised!

Sidney (glazes at her): Hm.

Steven: You can tell he’s been very well trained…

Tyson (with a confident voice): Metagross, it’s not over yet. Let’s do this!

Metagross: Meta!

Sidney: Sharpedo, use Surf!

Sharpedo: Sharr!

Tyson: I know some ways to deal with this with Metagross.

Sharpedo (swims back a bit): Shar..?

Tyson: Metagross, use Psychic on the Surf attack!

Sidney: Dive in!

(Metagross pushes the wave back to Sharpedo, but he dives in)

Tyson (biting his lower lip): Hm…

Sidney (standing still): Sharpedo, we need to change things a bit.

Sharpedo (smirks): Sharrrr…

Tyson (looks at Metagross, who looks back at his trainer): Metagross, no matter what he does, we’ll win this.

Metagross (spins in mid air): Meta… gross!

Sidney (yells): Ok, Sharpedo, strike him with Swagger!

Tyson (yells too): Metagross, strike back with Psychic!

(Sharpedo’s eyes launch a black beam that collides with a dimensional wave)

Drake (stands up with his eyes wide opened): Both moves are tied!

Steven: They both have been very well trained and raised.

(Both moves blow up)

Sidney (points at Metagross): Now Sharpedo, it’s your chance to use Surf! Quick!

Tyson: Metagross, finish this with Meteor Mash!

Sidney: Do your Surf lines!

(Sharpedo once agains summons dozens of waves that advance quickly in the battle field)

Tyson (with an aggressive yet confident look): Metagross, attack through the water!

(Metagross’s arms glow silver, and he floats towards the waves quickly)

Sidney: Keep it up like that Sharpedo!

Tyson: Don’t give up Metagross… not now…

(The other E4 members stand up with shocked expressions in their faces)

Metagross (closes his eyes but advances quickly): GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Metagross collides with Sharpedo. His metal body has many scratches and bruises due to the water)

Metagross (breathes heavily): Meta!!

Sharpedo: Shar!!!

Tyson: Now, finish this!

Sidney: Hold on!

(Both Pokemon are sent back and fall down, breathing harshly)

Tyson: Metagross, can you keep going?

Metagross (with his eyes closed): Meta…

Sidney: Sharpedo, take the chance to use Swagger on him, now!

Sharpedo (opens his eyes and growls with pain):Sharr!

Metagross (suddenly opens his eyes and starts floating again): Meta!

Tyson: Metagross, spin in mid air to block that Swagger attack!

(Sharpedo once again launches two dark beams from his eyes. However, Metagross starts spinning very fast, and once the beams hit his body they are sent in different directions of the ship)

Sidney: WHAT?!

Tyson (grins): Hyper Beam, now!

Metagross (puts his arms together above his body, and launches an orange and white beam towards Sharpedo): GROSS!

Sharpedo (closes his eyes): Shar…

(A huge explosion occurs, and a lot of smoke comes out of nowhere)

Tyson (smiles): Great job Metagross.

(Once the smoke vanishes, Sidney grabs his Pokeball)

Sidney: Return Sharpedo. Absol will avenge you.

(Absol, standing next to Sidney nods and jumps in the battle field)

Absol (with a noble pose): Sol!

Metagross (still breathing heavily and standing weak on the floor): Meta…

Sidney (grins): Are you ready, Tyson?

Tyson: More than ready.

Sidney: Hm… Absol, use Swords Dance.

Absol (stands still in the middle of the battle field): Ab.

Tyson: Take this chance to use Hyper Beam!

Metagross (nods): Gross!

Sidney (smirks): Dodge it.

(Metagross once again releases a large beam in Absol’s direction. However, the latter jumps up quickly)

Tyson (shocked): I thought he was using Swords Dance?!

Sidney: Absol has been with me since the beginning. He’s a very fast and powerful Pokemon…

Tyson: I see…

Sidney: Absol, jump on top of him.

Absol (nods and jumps): Sol.

Metagross (looks up): Metagross?!

Tyson: Spin quickly!

(Metagross starts spinning quickly and Absol is thrown off him against the wall)

Absol (stands up again, shaking his head): Sol…

Sidney: Hm… let’s finish this. Night Slash!

Absol (his pupils get bigger as he stares at the ceiling): Absol…

Tyson (scratching his head): What could he be doing..?

Metagross (looks back at Tyson): Meta-

(The moment Metagross looks back, Absol quickly fades away and shows up next to him)

Tyson: Be careful!

Absol (smirks): Ab!

(Absol uses the razor on his forehead to strike Metagross’s face)

Metagross (on the floor with spiral eyes): Me… ta… gross…

Tyson (grabs his Pokeball): Amazing job Metagross! Now return!

Sidney: C’mon, call in your Hariyama Tyson. Let’s show him how dark types are stronger than fighting types Absol!

Absol: AB!

Tyson: Hariyama, let’s do this!

(Hariyama shows up on the battle field)

Hariyama (punches the air): Hari… YAMA!

Drake: This battle should be great. Absol has taken few to no damage, whilst Hariyama has had time to recover. This should be a great… an epic battle.

Tyson: Your muscles will give us this win Hariyama.

Hariyama (starts flexing): Yama…

Phoebe (staring at Hariyama’s arms): You can even see the veins there! Now if only I could find a guy like that…

Sidney (slowly turns to Phoebe): Just…

(An awkward silence flows through the room, interrupted by Tyson)

Tyson: Ok, use Brick Break!

Sidney: Right! Absol, use Aerial Ace!

Tyson: Nah, jump Hariyama!

(Hariyama runs and jumps to avoid Absol’s Aerial Ace)

Tyson: Now, strike!

Sidney: Absol, be careful!

(Hariyama hits Absol’s forehead with the palm of his hand. The dark type Pokemon jumps back with a paw on his forehead because of the pain)

Sidney: Absol, are you okay?

Absol (puts his paw down): Absol.

Tyson: Do that again, Hariyama!

Hariyama (nods): Yama!

Sidney (smiles): Absol, I know. Aerial Ace, but aim to his legs!

Absol (the razor on his head glows silver and a moon shaped energy is released towards Hariyama’s feet): Sol…

(Absol’s move hits Hariyama who trips)

Sidney: Rock Slide, now!

Tyson: He can use Rock Slide?!

Absol: Absol…

(Absol’s eyes glow blue and a blue portal is summoned on top of Hariyama, from where huge sharp rocks start falling down)

Tyson (smirks): Hariyama, use Arm Thrust!

Hariyama: Yama! Yama, Yama, Yama!

(Hariyama starts breaking each rock very easily)

Tyson: Stand up Hariyama, and use Brick Break on Absol once again!

(Hariyama stands up very suddenly and jumps quickly in Absol’s direction)

Sidney: Aerial Ace!

(Hariyama’s hand collides with Aerial Ace)

Tyson: Keep at it!

(The impulsion from the jump helps Hariyama gain an advantage and destroy the Aerial Ace move)

Tyson: Now, hit him on his forehead again!

(Hariyama strikes Absol on his forehead, and quickly jumps back to prevent any strategy from Absol)

Absol: …

(Wind blows through the battle field, and you can hear no soul)

Sidney (interrupting the silence very suddenly): Aerial Ace!

Absol (looks up to Hariyama and throws another moon shaped energy against Hariyama): SOL!

(Hariyama has no reaction time and ends up being hit by Aerial Ace, which makes him go on his knees on the floor)

Sidney: Rock Slide, again!

Tyson: Try to use Arm Thrust with your other arm!

(Once again, sharp big brown rocks fall from a dimensional portal)

Tyson (thinking to himself): C’mon Hariyama, you can do it…

Hariyama (with one eye closed, and one arm on his belly): Yam… Yama…

(One bigger rock falls on Hariyama’s leg, who gets stuck and yells because of the pain)

Hariyama: HARR!!!!!

Sidney: Get closer and use Night Slash!

Tyson: Hariyama, hold on!

(Absol jumps next to Hariyama’s head. They exchange a look, and then Absol quickly slashes him with his razor)

Steven (whispering): I guess… we have a winner…

(Absol is looking at Hariyama, who is facing the floor, motionless)

Absol (stares at Hariyama for a while): Sol…

(The big rock starts breaking, and light is coming out of it)

Tyson (smirks): Hariyama, Focus Punch!

Hariyama (suddenly looks at Absol and strikes him with the hand that was stuck on the rock): YAMA!

(Absol is knocked away)

Steven (stands up): WHAT?!

Absol (with spiral eyes): Ab… sol…

Sidney (with his eyes and mouth opened): .Hm… How could you… hm… return Absol. You… were fantastic…

Tyson (runs to the battlefield and hugs Hariyama): You did it! I knew you could do it!

Hariyama (smiles): Yama…

Tyson: Return, you deserve some rest buddy!

(Sidney walks up to Tyson and they shake hands)

Sidney: I have never had such a good challenger, Tyson.

Tyson: I can say the same thing. I hope your Absol is fine.

Sidney (smiles): He’ll be alright.

(They walk up to the Elite Four members)

Steven: Tyson, this battle proves how wise you are strategically. Congratulations. Your Pokemon were all… amazing.

Tyson (scratching the back of his head): Thanks, they really were…

Phoebe (giggles): Look, he’s blushing!

Tyson (laughs): Hahaha…

Steven: Well, you should probably go to a Pokemon Center.

Tyson: Yeah.

Steven: Your next battle will be against Glacia. In three days, you’ll have enough preparation time, don’t worry.

Tyson (looks at Glacia, who is drinking her tea): Can’t wait for it.

Glacia (smiles): Neither can I dear…

(Tyson leaves the ship and quickly runs to a Pokemon Center)

 

[Charizard-Fan]

This was a great chapter, and Tyson vs Sidney sure was a very good battle. I'm a bit of disappointed for Metagross not starring (Metagross is one of my favourite Pokemon, plus I consider it to be Tyson's strongest Pokemon), but oh well, at least it beat one Pokemon before going down. And since Tyson will have 3 more battles against Elite Four members (I assume he will face them all), and also against Steven if he beats them all, Metagross can still star in some match.

By the way, it seems like Donphan is one of Tyson's weakest Pokemon. It lost one off-screen battle in Hoenn League, it also lost Ash's Swellow despite using Rollout four times (it's good to keep in mind that Ash's Swellow can be a true beast, though) and now it was also a fall-guy against Sidney. It's good that Donphan is not one of my favourite Pokemon (though I still like it).

Hariyama vs Absol was also a very good final battle, and it was exciting until the end. Hariyama sure is strong. I'd even say it might be Tyson's 3rd strongest Pokemon (I think Metagross and Meowth are stronger).

 

[TheSirPeras]

This was a great chapter, and Tyson vs Sidney sure was a very good battle. I'm a bit of disappointed for Metagross not starring (Metagross is one of my favourite Pokemon, plus I consider it to be Tyson's strongest Pokemon), but oh well, at least it beat one Pokemon before going down. And since Tyson will have 3 more battles against Elite Four members (I assume he will face them all), and also against Steven if he beats them all, Metagross can still star in some match.

Thanks I won't say anything, but... I agree with all you said about Metagross

By the way, it seems like Donphan is one of Tyson's weakest Pokemon. It lost one off-screen battle in Hoenn League, it also lost Ash's Swellow despite using Rollout four times (it's good to keep in mind that Ash's Swellow can be a true beast, though) and now it was also a fall-guy against Sidney. It's good that Donphan is not one of my favourite Pokemon (though I still like it).

I know I think Donphan just doesn't get very lucky match ups, and even I'll admit that I made it lose here to give Metagross a win because I see Metagross as a stronger Pokemon

Hariyama vs Absol was also a very good final battle, and it was exciting until the end. Hariyama sure is strong. I'd even say it might be Tyson's 3rd strongest Pokemon (I think Metagross and Meowth are stronger).

Thanks again xD I think Hariyama is there in 3rd like you said, but tied with Sceptile xD

 

[RealRaymon]

Firstly, the mistakes I found

Sidney: Thank you Steven.

Thank you, Steven.
When people talk to somebody, use a comma before the name. E.g.
Max: "Thank you, Barry!
Ash: "Dawn, are you all right?"

Tyson: Donphan, are you okay?!

Yeah, here you did it right.

Donphan (steps back, with a sick look): Phan…

Here you don't need a comma before with.

Tyson (thinking to himself): C’mon Donphan…

I guess it is not exactly "thinking to himself", because Tyson can't think to other people. So use either "is thinking" or "says to himself".

Tyson (whispering to himself): What should I do..?

You can't use:
1)two dots ".."/ You can use either one . or 3 ...
2)you can't use dots before a question mark. You can use one of them.

Donphan (lying on the floor): Phan…

Tyson (grabs his Pokeball): You were great, you really were! You deserve some rest, though! Man, we gotta stop that Surf!

Here is the arguable point I have noticed.
You write"Donphan lies on the floor", and then Tyson returns it. But, it is not clear that Donphan was KOed. I mean, it can be lying on the floor, but still be able to battle.
There were many examples of this:
1)Ash recalled Muk, who was lying (against Blastoise)
2)Ash recalled Donphan (against Schuckle)
etc.
Write "with spiral eyes", (Donphan gets knocked out), (Sharpedo's Surf attack hits Donphan hard, making him unable to battle/to continue the battle)

Tyson (yells too): Metagross, strike back with Psychic!

(Sharpedo’s eyes launch a black beam that collides with an invisible wave)

It is not invisible, because we have a proof of that:
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/t...Psychic.png/800px-Tyson_Metagross_Psychic.png

Tyson: Metagross, finish this with Meteor Punch!

LOLz Meteor Mash

By the way, it seems like Donphan is one of Tyson's weakest Pokemon. It lost one off-screen battle in Hoenn League, it also lost Ash's Swellow despite using Rollout four times (it's good to keep in mind that Ash's Swellow can be a true beast, though) and now it was also a fall-guy against Sidney.*

I agree with StarDestroyer here.
Well, that's it.

I liked the chapter and the whole battle vs Sidney.
You described it very well, and I think you like Hariyama, because it took down half of Sidney's team.
It was really funny when Phoebe was giving Tyson hints, and when Sidney became angry at her
Also liked this line:

Tyson: It really has… but to fight sheer power, we need sheer power! Go, Metagross!

Sidney (with a surprised look): A… Metagross?

Phoebe (laughing): Even Sidney is surprised!

Sidney (glazes at her): Hm.

Steven: You can tell he’s been very well trained...

Ahaha, of course Steven should have said that! That's his favourite Pokemon
Great job!

 

[TheSirPeras]

Thanks Raymon, I edited the mistakes. For the "no 2 dots, only 3, or only 1" I corrected just the example, but in the next chapter I will have it correct

"Here is the arguable point I have noticed.
You write"Donphan lies on the floor", and then Tyson returns it. But, it is not clear that Donphan was KOed. I mean, it can be lying on the floor, but still be able to battle.
There were many examples of this:
1)Ash recalled Muk, who was lying (against Blastoise)
2)Ash recalled Donphan (against Schuckle)
etc.
Write "with spiral eyes", (Donphan gets knocked out), (Sharpedo's Surf attack hits Donphan hard, making him unable to battle/to continue the battle)"

I actually also thought of that. I wasn't sure if I was being too clear or not, thanks for noticing though, I will take it into consideration in later chapters

Ahaha, of course Steven should have said that! That's his favourite Pokemon

Yay you got it XD I was hoping someone would get that xD

Thanks hehe

BTW- I do like Hariyama XD I also like all the other Pokemon he has, and you guys should expect to see Donphan do much better in one battle later on

BTW 2- OMG How did I forget to write Meteor Mash It kinda ruins the whole scene because in my mind I had it as Meteor Punch ;_;

 

[RealRaymon]

Thanks Raymon, I edited the mistakes.

BTW- I do like Hariyama XD I also like all the other Pokemon he has, and you guys should expect to see Donphan do much better in one battle later on

You are welcome

BTW - Don't change your decision because of us. If you thought some Pokemon winning next chapter, and now you want to change it because of us, just don't. Do like you wanted from the beginning

And how could I forget?

Tyson (thinking): C’mon Donphan…

Come on! It is not spelled that way!
Hope you understood

 

[TheSirPeras]

It is what I wanted since the beginning

But... but... you can also say C'mon It's like slang for Come on, but it works too XD

 

[ChampioN-Trainer-BriaN]

well written chapter dude...I'm unhappy for donphan though....so I guess next chapter will be about training to face glacia....my hopes are up for tyson's new pokemon....

 

[TheSirPeras]

Thanks Donphan will definitely do better in another battle, don't worry
I haven't decided anything for the next chapter to be honest, and I definitely won't start this week because I've already got a lot of work, but I'll be brainstorming for ideas ^^