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What really happened to Ash's pokemon before he caught them

M

Michii

:]
~Part one CATERPIE~

One day in the Viridian forest, a very small Caterpie had to travel to the grave tree. But it was far away on the other side of the forest, and there were far to many predators like Pidgeotto.

"I hate Pidgeotto," Caterpie said. His family had been killed by one, and he had gotten hurt. Later, he realized that he couldn't grow much, and that he wasn't able to evolve. This made Caterpie very upset.

He had to go to the grave tree, as he had heard that it healed and strengthened the weak, and Caterpie couldn't deal with the Metapods and Kakunas his age playing the harden game, while all he could do was string shot. So Caterpie set off for his journey to the grave tree.

Time pasted by, and Caterpie was getting used to the forest. "This isn't so bad," he said, "I guess all of the Metapod were lieing." Just when Caterpie said those words, a screaching bird cry was heard. A Pidgeotto was circling the sky right above him. Caterpie gave a cry, the sped off into the forest.

Caterpie sped away until he could see no signs of the horrible bird pokemon anymore. He realized that he was already halfway into the forest. He breathed a sigh of relief, and continued on his journey.

Just as he was getting comfortable again, Caterpie heard two Pidgeys talking in a tree. Hiding so they wouldn't spot him, Caterpie listened in on what was being said. "So I heard that Pidgeotto is hunting that Caterpie," one Pidgey said. "Yea, I heard that Pidgeotto is really mad that a Caterpie escaped him for the first time," said the other. "Oh no," Caterpie said, "I'm going to get eaten!!" The Pidgeys heard this and started to go after Caterpie. One of them blew a gust attack, and sent Caterpie flying away. "Nice going, you just cost us our dinner!" said the other Pidgey.

A while away, Caterpie was recovering from the attack. He was still weak, but strong enough to go on. He broke through some bushes, only to see a young boy and girl, with a pikachu. The two seemed to be argueing, but the boy wasn't listening, as he had spotted Caterpie. He took out a pokeball, and threw it at him. Before he could react, Caterpie was captured.

Before his eyes, Caterpie saw a lush green forest, his natural habitat. There were no other pokemon, but there were trees as far as the eye could see. Caterpie was astounded. He went over to a bush of berries, and picked the ripest one he could see. Caterpie ate it, and picked off another. Just as he was about to chomp down, the berry disappeared. Soon after, the forest did too, and Caterpie was in a green grid area. Even that disappeared, and Caterpie was shooting threw a red beam. The red beam brought him to the ground, and Caterpie was staring at the young boy and girl.

"Hey Caterpie I'm Ash and this is pikachu, welcome to the team," he said. "Do you want to climb up on my shoulder?" But Caterpie was hesitant. He never saw this boy, Ash, his name was. Caterpie decided to climb his arm, when he saw the girl cowering in fear about fifteen feet away. Caterpie thought that her hair looked like his Mother's antenna, and rushed to her. "Get this thing away from me," she said. "Relax Misty, he won't hurt you," Ash replied. This made Caterpie sad, and he slowly returned to his pokeball.

Later that night, Caterpie was released, and Ash was getting ready to go to bed. He and Misty were arguing again, so loudly that Caterpie could hear from inside his pokeball. They both went to sleep, and Pikachu came towards him. Caterpie and Pikachu were talking about Caterpie's dream of evolving into a Butterfree. Pikachu understood, and they both started to laugh and joke around. Caterpie felt great.

In the morning, Caterpie awoke to a scream. Misty was up in her sleeping bag, yelling at Ash for letting Caterpie get so close to her. They were bickerring again. Caterpie didn't know what to do.

A while later, Caterpie heard distinct words of Ash telling Misty to say sorry, but Misty refused. Caterpie was watching this when he heard a familier call. Pidgeotto.

The bird was circling above him, and Ash called out to Caterpie for an attack. But Caterpie was too scared, as Pidgeotto was heading down towards him. It's not the same Pidgeotto, Caterpie thought. This one was much larger. Caterpie's train of thought was broken when he realized that he should run. Pidgeotto caught up and pecked at him. Suddenly, Caterpie was returned to his pokeball.

Inside, Caterpie was hurt. Not again, he thought, thinking back to when he was very little. No no no no. He painly found a lake to drink out of for energy. He felt a little better, and fell asleep.

What seemed like hours later, Caterpie felt himself being sent out of his pokeball. Once outside, he was looking at two large pokemon. Ash called to him. "Please you're my only hope. CATERPIE USE STRING SHOT!!!!" Caterpie got a burst of courage and fired his attack. He felt strength running through him. He had defeated two pokemon. All of a sudden, another pokemon, Meowth, was charging to him, as was two people. Caterpie reacted by shooting string shot. He then tackled the coccoons. Into the air. The battle was won.

Ash congragulated him and started to talk to Misty. "See he isn't bad. Make up you too." Misty slowly put her hand out to pet Caterpie. But he wasn't listening or watching. He felt too much power. All of a sudden, he used another small string shot up into the air over himself. He was evolving. Bursts of light shot into the air around him. Before he knew it, he was METAPOD!!!!!

Ash and Misty were very happy. Well Ash was. Metapod was put into Ash's bookbag, and they were off. Metapod wasn't aware of this, as he was preparing to become a Butterfree inside. He was happy though, thinking to himself that he was going to never have to deal with another Pidgeotto attacking him again.
 
C

Chaos Sneasel

Sneasel of Chaos
This was a good concept, you just failed to execute it well.
It wasn't that bad [be proud it wasn't as bad as the other hoardes of fics that have been popping up lately], you just seem to write...........flatly and without flow.
There was really no emotion behind it, sparse description, and there were bunches of segment fragments strewn about that were supposed to represent how the characters felt.
For example, what did the forest look like? What did Caterpie, Metapod, Kakuna, or Pidgeotto look like? What is their personality like, quirks/indicators that they're individuals.
Basically, you know how to write a fic [format-wise], and have a pretty good idea here, you just need to work on the actual writing aspect of the fic, as the quality was lacking.
Read the advice for aspiring authors, get some practice, and come back and try this again- you could eventually turn it into a success [also try reading some 4 and 5 star fics, get a feel for how successful writers do what they do so good. Then, develop your own style].
EDIT: Whoever gave this a 5 star rating is sorely mistaken. This deserves no more than a 2 or 3. The idea is there, but the execution is not. And if it was you, darkrukairo, that's something that is generally frowned upon, because it can make you seem arrogant or conceited, especially if you grossly overrate yourself with a 5 when you don't deserve it at all.

~Chaos Sneasel ;215;​
 
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C

Chaos Sneasel

Sneasel of Chaos
Here's some criticism-
Don't double post. Ever.
The only time you can double post is when a topic creator is updating his work [a new chapter, new sprites etc.]
If you're going to double post at least post your new chapters.
Otherwise, take the advice I gave you above, and go read some 5 star fics.
Get a feel of what constitutes a successful story.
Then, when you feel you've improved, post new chapters.
~Chaos Sneasel ;215;​
 
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N

Neo Mario

How'd these get here
it's pretty good Iliked the part where the pokeball was the pokemons natural habitat
(if I was in a pokeball it would be a McDonalds)
:):):) Big Mac's
 
N

Nanzie

Pokemon Master
It was alright, good effort. ^^
Something that could've made it better would be more description, but apart from that it was ok.
 
S

SuperDude

Well-Known Member
Not bad! i think the idea is very good, but it seems a bit flat, try adding more excitment and using bigger words, but not too complicated, just big enough for people to understand them.
 
D

diamondboy

fredfredburger yes!
it was pretty good. when i joined last month i double posted too sometimes. and i am waiting for part two....
 
M

Michii

:]
now i have a question of my own. Where do I put part two??? Do I post a thread here? or do I make a completely different thread???
 
M

Michii

:]
part two

~Part 2 PIDGEOTTO~


On one bright and shining day in the Viridian Forest, a large Pidgey roamed around in an open section. This Pidgey had bright, shining wings, a sharp beak, and a powerful gust. Although his life already seems good, it wasn't always that way.

When he was young, Pidgey's brother, a much larger Pidgeotto, had killed two butterfree, leaving a very young Caterpie orphaned. The leader of the group, a very large Pidgeot, had put the worst decision against him. The Pidgeotto's whole family, which included two very small Pidgeot, Pidgeotto himself, and the extremely young Pidgey, were banned from the group for life, unless a great deed was accomplished. The Pidgeot gave up hope and flew away, leaving their children behind. Pidgeotto, however, had saved a newborn Pidgey from a large Spearow, and was let back into the group. This left Pidgey to fend for himself.

Despite not having any other bird pokemon to learn from, Pidgey learned how to fly and hunt by himself. He ate berries when possible, and only feasted on bug pokemon if he was close to starvation. Pidgey thought it wasn't fair to them to be killed.

So this day, Pidgey was on an excursion to find a real worm, instead of a pokemon. He had been trying this ever since his first kill, which upset him very much. "Ok, so if I remember correctly, the Raticate said that the best spot to hunt for worms is right about, here!" exclaimed Pidgey. He had been asking pokemon of the forest where the best place for worm hunting was, and all but Raticate said that there were no such things as worms.

Pidgey pecked at the soft ground for a worm. He pecked and pecked until his beak was becoming dull, and a two foot hole was in the ground. "I give up," Pidgey said,"The other pokemon were right, there are no such things as worms." So Pidgey filled in the hole and started trotting off into the deep part of the forest. He flapped his wings then and was up into the air.

Pidgey loved to fly, he loved the beautiful scenery of the trees, rolling ontop of one another like a Caterpie's body, he loved the faint mountains in the distance, and he loved the deep blue rivers. "Rivers," said Pidgey. He loved the look of them, he was afraid of rivers, as a bird and water don't mix too well, and he would certainly drown. He looked down below him at the rushing water flowing into the waterfall that emptied out into a deep blue lake.

Off in the distance, Pidgey heard a rumbling thunder. "A storm, better get going back to home. So Pidgey started flying down the river, to his home. He lived in a small nest in a hollow tree that had fallen in a storm a couple years before. It was a good size, and Pidgey had it all to himself. The sound of the thunder got louder. The sky was quickly darkening. Pidgey didn't realize all of this, as something else had caught his eye.

It was a young boy riding on a bike with a Pikachu in the basket. The boy looked as if he was tiring quickly, and the Pikachu looked severely injured. Behind them was a flock of Spearow, speeding towards them with an evil glint in their eyes. They rounded a corner, and were out of sight. Pidgey continued on.

"I wonder who they were," Pidgey thought outloud. "The spearow seemed angry. Wait a second!" Pidgey had realized something,"That was the Spearow that my brother fought!" This angered Pidgey greatly. Because of that Spearow, he was orphaned.

BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!! The thunder had spoke its words. The storm had arrived. Ever since Pidgey saw the Spearow, he flew around the river, thinking to himself all of the horror that it had caused, unaware of the terrible storm approaching. But this lightning strike had broken his concentration, and frightened him very much so. Pidgey took off at the sound, and was flying at a once unthinkable speed for a Pidgey. "Got to get home, got to get home," Pidgey said. But the rest of his words were cut short. A blinding light surrounded Pidgey, and he dropped into the raging river.

It was lightning. Pidgey tried to recover, but failed. He was to hurt from the lightning to try to fly out of the river. I have to get out of the river, Pidgey thought,before the waterfall swallows me up. Pidgey pushed through the pain and tried to flapped his wings. He was able to stay breathing, but he didn't have enough strength to get out of the river's clutches. All of a sudden, Pidgey heard a roar that bothered his ears. The waterfall.

It was coming up fast, and Pidgey couldn't do anything about it. All of his life Pidgey had nightmares of being swallowed up by the river, and now it was going to happen. I have a fighting chance, I have to do this, Pidgey thought in his head. Pidgey was only a few feet away from the falls. I HAVE TO DO THIS!!!!!!! A bright light surrounded Pidgey again, but this time it wasn't lightning, Pidgey was evolving. Just as the waterfall began, the light ceased and Pidgeotto rose into the sky.

His feathers were more beautiful than a Pidgeot's, and he was as big as his parents already. "I did it," Pidgeotto said. He did do it. Pidgeotto had beaten the waterfall and evolved in the process. "Ouch!!!!" Pidgeotto said. He was tired and weak from the lightning and the river. But most of all, he was hungry. And a Pidgeotto can't survive on berries.

"NOoOoOoOo," Pidgeotto exclaimed. The one thing that he hated was to eat live kill. Pidgeotto came up with a solution for this. "I'll eat one, then find that trainer with the Pikachu. But for today, I'll rest." Pidgeotto flew to a sturdy tree, and fell sound asleep.

Pidgeotto awoke what seemed like two days later and was starving. He flew into the air, in search of a Caterpie. He past the river, and flew to a deep part of the forest, and found two in one. A Caterpie, and the boy with his Pikachu were in an open patch of the forest. Pidgeotto called out a screach, and flew to the Caterpie.

The Caterpie, frightened deaply, ran for its life, but Pidgeotto was faster. He pecked at the Caterpie, but before he could deliver his final blow, Caterpie was returned into a pokeball. At the speed that he was going, Pidgeotto flew into a tree. The boy, saw this as an advantage and sent out the Pikachu.

Pidgeotto unhooked his beak from the tree, and flew into the air. The Pikachu however, was told to deliver a thundershock. The electric attack hit Pidgeotto.I'm just not good with anything electric, Pidgeotto thought. A red beam surrounded him, and Pidgeotto was captured.

Inside the pokeball, Pidgeotto opened his eyes only to find himself in a forest area. Something caught his eye. A WORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pidgeotto's dream was realized. He didn't have to worry out eating anymore Caterpie. Pidgeotto ate the worm, and it was delicious. The story ends with Pidgeotto enjoying the meal that he was waiting for all of his life.
 
M

Michii

:]
thanks next is bulbasaur.... but I may be busy.... it may be until thursday until I get it done.... but if I work hard enough, I'll get it done in about 2 hours...
 
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