What would they never EVER say (not in a million years)?

[NitraMania]

Ash: I will never, ever again try to jump into a force field where a legendary pokémon is held captured!

 

[Marco The Phoenix]

Tobias: "I think I'll just throw this match."

 

[J Ken]

Ash: A new Pokemon. I think I'll pass on scanning this one.

 

[Alfred the Second]

How the hell did I miss an amazing thread. You guys are awesome for making me laugh :3

Giovanni: I am your father.
Ash: .___.
Giovanni: Give your father a hug.
Ash: .______.

~~~

.

OMG Kutie Pie. You are amazing for posting this :3

\\
Cilan: I'm thinking on dying my hair blonde. What do you think?
Cilan: How about purple, the color of eggplant?
Ash: I miss Mom's cooking...

~~~

Giovanni: I don't feel like taking over the world today. Persian, watch over the Gym while I go to the gym.
Persian: ._. Mew...
Giovanni: It's such a relief to be able to show my face out in public again.
MEANWHILE, ABOVE VIRIDIAN CITY
Mewtwo: *flying somewhere*
Mew: *pops in* I STILL want your children, Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: That does it, I cannot hold it in any longer. *shoots Shadow Ball down at the city*
Giovanni: Hello, random child citizen! Would you like some can--*Shadow Ball makes contact, kills him*
Child: ._.
Mewtwo: That so went against my character, but I feel much better already.
Mew: ._. Um... childr--
Mewtwo: KNOCK IT OFF.

Just, cute.

~~~

Ash: *walking someplace random*
Celebi: *flies in*
Ash: Oh, hi, Celebi! How're you doing today?
Celebi: ^_^
Ash: Anything exciting happened?
Celebi: I convinced Mew she'll have kittens in the future.
Ash: Oh hey, you can talk! I wish I knew that, that would've made things so much easier! And kittens, really? I have no idea how kittens come to being, but that's cool! Tell Mew I said "hi".
Pikachu: Don't I get a say in this?
Ash: Quiet, Pikachu, I'm in a meeting with an old buddy.
Mew: *pops in*
Celebi: Is something wrong, Mew?
Mew: YOU LIED TO ME, YOU BASTARD.
Ash: :O
Pikachu: :O
Celebi: :O I would never do that.
Mew: MEWTWO WON'T GIVE ME CHILDREN. YOU LIED.
Mewtwo: *pokes head in* You keep bothering me even though I tell you time and time again I am not interested. Besides, she is not even a virgin.
Ash: :O
Celebi: You told me you were!
Mew: I got desperate, and Pikachu was the only one willing to do it! *turns to Pikachu* It wasn't even good!
Ash: :O
*freeze-frame on Ash's face*
TO BE CONTINUED
*credits roll*
Misty: *sitting on the chair, watching the television* :O
*phone rings, Misty picks it up*
May: *on other line* Misty, did you just watch the recent episode?!
Misty: I did! What a twist!
May: *sobs* My fanfics are ruined!
Misty: :|

i like how you referenced your fanfic. Mewtwo, Mew's sex issues :3

Announcer: Let's give it up for our league champion, Ash from Pallet Town!
Brock: Hey Ash! I just married your mother, so I guess that means I'm your dad now. Cool huh?

YOU SIR ARE OFFICIALLY MY BEST FRIEND.

Delia- your father isn't giovanni, prof oak or spencer hale. It's actually Koga.

Professor Oak-Yes, I saw that.
Ash-Saw what?
Professor Oak-*Coughs and rubs his chest* I am too old for this.
-------------------

Ash: I have been thinking lately....
----------
Paul: Ash, can we hold hands?
----------
Iris*checks hid debut episode*: Ash you are too old.
----------
Jessie: I won't wear my lipstick today.

 

[Teapot]

Nurse Joy/Officer Jenny/Random Girl: I LOVE YOU BROCK! LETS RUN AWAY TOGETHER!
Brock:

 

[MidnightFennekin]

Ash and his retarded group friends are in a forest in the ______ Region, to get his _st/nd/rd/th Badge from ______ Town/City! First, he must traverse this wide forest!

Ash: Lalalalala! What a beautiful day in the next region I'm in after I failed in the last one miserably and instead of training one constant team, like my powerhouses Charizard and Krookodile, I'll just keep on getting new ones and then not evolving them most of the time! Especially Gible, because Garchomp is a mofo but I don't have the two brain cells required to do all this! Oh, and this will go on forever because I'm immortal like Voldemort! Right Pikachu. buddy!

Pikachu, Yellow Electric Sex Slave Mouse: *Repetitive speakings of it's name!*

Stalker Female Companion: Ash! Is that a meteor up there! Aah! We're gonna die!

She points out a meteorite, which is realz lulz! And is gonna squish Ash so he goes bye bye!

Pedophile Older Guy: Don't worry! Ash's Gary-Stu powers will save us!

*The meteorite splits over Ash, but it hits Older Guy instead!*

Ash: Oh noz! Older Guy is dead! Let's cry to bring him back!

Female Companion: Let's leave him. He gave me the creeps. Who in their right mind goes around a whole country with two kids?

Pikachu: Pika Pi!

Ash: Okay! Lets go with each other into the sunset, and start a shipping that'll be impossible because I'm replacing you like the ***** you are next series!

Female Companion: What?!

Ash: Nothing.

Pikachu: Pi! Pi-Pi! Ka-chu! Pika-Pika-Pika-Pika!

Ash: You know what Pikachu? **** it. Your voice is annoying, and your getting so bad at battling a ****ing Level 5 Snivy owned your sorry little ***. I'm just gonna evolve you, and put you in your Pokeball.

Pikachu: Piknsibdsahkjdfbsafnmsas! Piksdjdfkbsfhjsdbfdhjsb fn! Pika-Pika!

Ash grabs Pikachu and shoves a Thunderstone down it's throat. Pikachu evolves into Raichu.

Raichu: Raichu!

Raichu hops off of Ash's shoulder and walks it self, it's voice is deeper and it's much sexier.

Ash: Damn Raichu! Puberty, though in the form of a Stone with electrical properties, hit you good!

Female Companion: Yah!

Suddenly, Jirachi arises out of the meteor!

Ash: I wish I win the next Pokemon League!

Six Months Later

Announcer: Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town Wins against generic league rival!

Tons of celebrations

Ash's Mom: Hey honey! I'm not a ****!

 

[J Ken]

Ash: Gary you're a nerd, Paul you're the coolest, Trip you're such a noob.

 

[Janice Quatlane]

Me, playing Pokémon: HEAL MY POKÉMON *****.
Nurse Joy: I'll take your Pokémon for just a second blahblahblahcufxfucgugjc.
Me: 'Kay! ^^
Joy: All done! I DON'T hope to see you again.
Me: ._.
Chansey: ._.
Me: *Presses A button*
Joy: Hi, welcome to the Pokémon-

Ash: When was the last time I changed my underwear?
Cilan: Meh... I don't feel like cooking today.
Iris: Ooh! Yay! Wild Fraxure!
Axew: That's cool Iris. Pity you'll have to wait for me to evolve!
Iris: *Throws Axew* YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHIIIIING!!!

Cynthia: *Turns to the elite four * I haven't got a clue what any of your names are.
Cheren: Imma quit being an annoying teacher dude!
Hilda: No, N, I do NOT wanna ride the Ferris wheel.
Hilbert: Hay, Hilda... Pssst....
Hilda: What?
Hilbert: I'm yo bro.
Hilda: ._.

Anthea: Where did we come from?
Concordia: Does this dress make me look fat?
Anthea: Do we have family?
Concordia: I have bunny ears.
Anthea: What is even the point of us?
Concordia: Haha. I look like a bunny.

N: HUG ME GHETSIS!!!
Ghetsis: OK.
N: WHY DO YOU NEVER- Oh..

 

[NPT]

Dawn: I don't care if my hair got messed up.
Ash: I think I'll brush my hair.

 

[J Ken]

Ash: Gee another minor character in trouble. How exciting.

 

[matt0044]

Ash: Gee another minor character in trouble. How exciting.

To be honest, I'd love to Ash being more sarcastic at the chicles that come his way. I'd never hurt for a kids show to be more genre savvy.

 

[NPT]

Ash: Trip, you called me a boonie ? Well, you're a noob.

 

[Brownie]

A gym leader: He's holding a Poke Ball...

 

[yuoke]

Ash: Gary your a nerd, Paul your the coolest, Trip your such a noob.

*You're, *you're, and *you're.

 

[Nyoah]

Ash: I CAUGHT THEM ALL!!

 

[pokedigijedi]

things they would never say topped off with breaking the 4th wall

ash: I am secretly training to be the WORST trainer ever!!!
brock: I am gonna leave the pokemon universe to become duel monsters champion.
misty: I hate water types but I love fire types!
may and dawn: we are sick of contest so we are gonna become gym leaders!
Georgia:i wanna become a dragon master!
iris: I wanna become a dragon hunter!
ash(again): I hate this show!
Jessie, james and meowth: we are gonna quit chasing that twerp and Pikachu, quit team rocket, and do something meaningful with our lives!

 

[PokemonNation2000]

Ash: Trip, you called me a boonie ? Well, you're a noob.

Ironically, Ash has actually said "I'm not a noob!" before. It was in one of the DP episodes.

My response when watching that: *facepalms* -_- *facepalms*

Brock: I am the #1 ranked duelist in the country, and the favorite to win the Duel Monsters World Championship this year.

 

[TheSirPeras]

Ash: Alright, time to take a break from traveling!
Pikachu: Hi.

 

[matt0044]

Ash: The truth is that I don't age because I'm a Timelord.

 

[Janovy]

Iris: Oh Ash, you are my knight in shining armor. Never have I met a braver and more intelligent man than you.