I
Indigo
Guest
Well, here's another one of my crazy, unexplainable, spur-of-the-moment thingies. Hope you guys enjoy it.
~***~
I walked, staring at my feet. They kept moving onward, but my heart told me to stop. I couldn't explain the feeling; sort of determined, yet...defeated. Nothing made sense anymore.
I should have been happy: I'd just won an entire Pokémon League with almost everyone in the world watching my every move, among them my mom, my mentor, and my best friends. I had done what was said to be impossible: I defeated one of the most enormous Pokémon at a dual disadvantage. My very best friend and I had celebrated, tears and all, listening to the cheers I've waited to hear my whole life. Why then, was I walking away from it all? I'd trained so hard, I'd won, I'd done everything I'd ever wanted. What was missing?
I clenched my fists. They lay loose at my sides, instead of in front of my face. There was no small creature beside me, or on my shoulder. No one was beside me as my hat covered my eyes, something I had been ashamed to do in a very long time.
What was next for me? I felt too empty to go home, yet no motive to carry on. I had really acheived my dream, and I should've been celebrating it with my friends. Maybe they would have a new place for me to go...
No! I had to keep going away from them!
But it made no sense...no sense at all...
Emotions gripped my throat. I could hardly breathe.
Nothing seemed the same anymore...
"Ash!"
A familiar voice called my name. I would've turned around to greet her happily, as I've always done, but some strange wall barred her from me.
"Ash!" she repeated.
The familiar red-haired girl ran to catch up with me, her conflower top flying in the wind. I felt her presence beside me, but it wasn't comforting. It was...annoying, somehow. I had never felt this way before, and it frustrated me.
"Hey, what's the matter, Ash?" she asked, reaching to pull my chin up. I was greeted by a cheery face, but she couldn't have seen the same thing.
"I...I don't know," I replied in a scratchy voice, almost as if I'd cried. But I hadn't...I didn't want her to think I had.
Soon I heard multiple footsteps coming up behind me. The loud, slow steps were surely Brock's, the light, yet clumsy steps were Max's, May had her fast, booming steps, and the light pitter-patter was the sound of Pikachu coming to meet me. I picked up my smallest friend, who looked at me with solemn eyes.
"You're sad," Pikachu told me in the language only we could understand. "What happened?"
I only shook my head at him. For some strange reason, I wanted to be left alone.
"Ash, what's up?" Brock's deep voice added to the mix.
"I don't know!" I yelled, to the surprise of my friends, as well as myself. "I don't know, okay? I just need some time alone! God, do you guys have lives?"
Everyone was taken back, and an inner voice, my voice, scolded me harshly.
"Ash, what the heck is going on?" Max's juvenile voice questioned.
I sighed, my sanity somewhat returned. "I'm going through a rough patch. I don't want your help. Leave me alone to deal with it. Goodbye."
That was definitely not me talking, was it? But clearly it was, because I kept walking on, my head down, my shoes scuffing the dirt. Pikachu followed me, which was okay for some reason, and I felt a surge of something I had once knew before: sadness.
Tears rushed down my cheeks: tears of joy, of confusion, of adolescence. All the things I had done, all the amazing things...meant nothing now. It was over. There was nothing to live for.
I couldn't think straight, so I didn't. My Pokémon flashed before my eyes, each and every one, a vision I couldn't explain.
"I think I'll go get Pidgeot..." I said bluntly, almost robotically. Pikachu looked at me in confusion, and then I added, "or Lapras. Maybe Primeape."
This was all a dream, surely. But I knew I couldn't keep thinking these things. I would go...somewhere...and get myself straight. If I was changing, I had to change along with me.
I threw my hat on the ground, feeling relieved for some reason...relieved of childhood memories...of determination...of dreams...
I left my hat there and kept walking. Pikachu didn't say anything. We walked, and walked, and walked.
To this day I haven't found a place to stop, a place that felt right. Someday, maybe, I'll become the real Ash Ketchum: the one I used to be.
My friends haven't come looking for me. But maybe, for the first time...I will look for them.
A day will come when I will return to whoever I was. Until then, I'll do what it was I did in the first place: do whatever I told me to.
~***~
I walked, staring at my feet. They kept moving onward, but my heart told me to stop. I couldn't explain the feeling; sort of determined, yet...defeated. Nothing made sense anymore.
I should have been happy: I'd just won an entire Pokémon League with almost everyone in the world watching my every move, among them my mom, my mentor, and my best friends. I had done what was said to be impossible: I defeated one of the most enormous Pokémon at a dual disadvantage. My very best friend and I had celebrated, tears and all, listening to the cheers I've waited to hear my whole life. Why then, was I walking away from it all? I'd trained so hard, I'd won, I'd done everything I'd ever wanted. What was missing?
I clenched my fists. They lay loose at my sides, instead of in front of my face. There was no small creature beside me, or on my shoulder. No one was beside me as my hat covered my eyes, something I had been ashamed to do in a very long time.
What was next for me? I felt too empty to go home, yet no motive to carry on. I had really acheived my dream, and I should've been celebrating it with my friends. Maybe they would have a new place for me to go...
No! I had to keep going away from them!
But it made no sense...no sense at all...
Emotions gripped my throat. I could hardly breathe.
Nothing seemed the same anymore...
"Ash!"
A familiar voice called my name. I would've turned around to greet her happily, as I've always done, but some strange wall barred her from me.
"Ash!" she repeated.
The familiar red-haired girl ran to catch up with me, her conflower top flying in the wind. I felt her presence beside me, but it wasn't comforting. It was...annoying, somehow. I had never felt this way before, and it frustrated me.
"Hey, what's the matter, Ash?" she asked, reaching to pull my chin up. I was greeted by a cheery face, but she couldn't have seen the same thing.
"I...I don't know," I replied in a scratchy voice, almost as if I'd cried. But I hadn't...I didn't want her to think I had.
Soon I heard multiple footsteps coming up behind me. The loud, slow steps were surely Brock's, the light, yet clumsy steps were Max's, May had her fast, booming steps, and the light pitter-patter was the sound of Pikachu coming to meet me. I picked up my smallest friend, who looked at me with solemn eyes.
"You're sad," Pikachu told me in the language only we could understand. "What happened?"
I only shook my head at him. For some strange reason, I wanted to be left alone.
"Ash, what's up?" Brock's deep voice added to the mix.
"I don't know!" I yelled, to the surprise of my friends, as well as myself. "I don't know, okay? I just need some time alone! God, do you guys have lives?"
Everyone was taken back, and an inner voice, my voice, scolded me harshly.
"Ash, what the heck is going on?" Max's juvenile voice questioned.
I sighed, my sanity somewhat returned. "I'm going through a rough patch. I don't want your help. Leave me alone to deal with it. Goodbye."
That was definitely not me talking, was it? But clearly it was, because I kept walking on, my head down, my shoes scuffing the dirt. Pikachu followed me, which was okay for some reason, and I felt a surge of something I had once knew before: sadness.
Tears rushed down my cheeks: tears of joy, of confusion, of adolescence. All the things I had done, all the amazing things...meant nothing now. It was over. There was nothing to live for.
I couldn't think straight, so I didn't. My Pokémon flashed before my eyes, each and every one, a vision I couldn't explain.
"I think I'll go get Pidgeot..." I said bluntly, almost robotically. Pikachu looked at me in confusion, and then I added, "or Lapras. Maybe Primeape."
This was all a dream, surely. But I knew I couldn't keep thinking these things. I would go...somewhere...and get myself straight. If I was changing, I had to change along with me.
I threw my hat on the ground, feeling relieved for some reason...relieved of childhood memories...of determination...of dreams...
I left my hat there and kept walking. Pikachu didn't say anything. We walked, and walked, and walked.
To this day I haven't found a place to stop, a place that felt right. Someday, maybe, I'll become the real Ash Ketchum: the one I used to be.
My friends haven't come looking for me. But maybe, for the first time...I will look for them.
A day will come when I will return to whoever I was. Until then, I'll do what it was I did in the first place: do whatever I told me to.
