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~Wings~(One-shot)

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Spur of the moment. I hope this title isn’t already taken, but I bet myself a dollar that it is. X3 Nothing more to say, it shouldn’t waste too much of your life, so please read and review!!!!
Rated PG-13 for heavy blood and gore.


Wings

Death. Blood. Flee! I flapped my wings frantically in a fruitless struggle to survive when it seemed as though the world was ending. I strained my muscles, but to no avail, as I was rapidly running out of power and there was no escape. A brilliant burst of flame to the left! I swiveled my tan, feathered head just in time to see it and dart out of the way, and it streaked past me to collide with a tree, setting the wood ablaze. Corpses littered the forest floor, killed instantly simply because they were in the way.

Why was this happening? Was everyone else dead? Everything had erupted into chaos so fast that I scarcely had time to think. I plummeted to the ground amidst the splintered, fallen trees and crashed against the soil with a jolt that sent waves of pain running down my back. I bent my wings to lift myself up and realized with horror that I was lying alongside the body of one of my clan, a Pidgeotto whose neck was twisted back at an odd angle, crimson blood soaking his feathers from a gaping hole where his wing should have been.

Turning quickly away with disgust, I looked up to see it.

A brilliantly glowing creature flying through the trees, twisting and turning with such grace that it seemed almost completely separate from the madness. Her long, thin tail flowed behind her pale rose, cat-like body as she darted through the dense forest. Pursuing her, were the monsters, a myriad of beasts that had invaded this place and caused such destruction. The cat-beast, Mew, pivoted suddenly and rushed back into the clearing, where the humans were.

There were twenty or so of them, adorned in black clothing and operating some machine, an immense hunk of metal with no clear purpose to me. With a command from the humans, the monsters let loose a number of assaults, fire, electricity, water, and much more. Mew glared at the attacks suddenly and unleashed a wave of pulsing azure energy from her body, stopping the attacks in midair and sending them back at the beasts in an instant. Just seconds after that, though, her piercing scream filled the morning air.

A glowing yellow beam streaked forward from the machine and struck her on the back, paralyzing her in place. Several of the humans hurled purple balls at her, but she sent them flying back with another burst of incredible energy. They were trying to capture her, but, why?

She blasted out a wave of power from her tiny, yet unbelievably powerful body and completely destroyed the stun machine on contact. Immediately afterwards, she darted back down along the scorched earth and ducked around the creatures, easily evading each one with ease before darting up into the sky, attempting to escape despite the measures taken by the humans.

Aerial monsters swooped down, spreading broad wings and roaring loudly as they bared their claws for the attack. Mew swerved around the first, but then darted around the second and right into the third. The humongous, light orange dragon slashed at Mew, tearing a huge gash along her back and soaking her light fur with bright red. She recoiled back, and bombarded the dragon with her most powerful energy assault and streaking off. He fell back, crying out in pain as the others made no move to help him, but rather watched Mew jet into a low hanging cloud of mist. The humans shouted in anger; the beasts roared back in defense.

Why Mew? What did they want with her, and what right did the humans have to invade this sacred place? I had had enough, I didn’t want to know, and ignoring the signs of pain growing in my fatigued body, I struggled to my feet and spread my wings once more, flapping with all my might to get out of that place. The horrible sounds of the winged monsters pursuing the cat ensued behind me, and I blocked everything out of my mind as I flew, closing my eyes in sheer terror.

Were they coming for me now? They were after Mew, but would the monsters kill me too in order to have no survivors?

No order to things…

I could feel my wings tire as I mindlessly flew on across the dusky sky. I was nearing the normal human territory, a place we never strayed to.

Everything gone…

I didn't have the strength to fly higher, and I sank lower into the heart of the human dwellings. Something was in front of me, a mere reflection of the sky above me.

Everything…

I felt a sickening crack in my wings as I collided with the glass. I felt my body slide along the transparent surface I had failed to notice before crumpling to the ground limply, yet ignored the searing pain as I remained lost in my thoughts.

The surrounding was a vague mess, spiraling away into oblivion as my vision blurred. What had just happened? Was anything certain anymore? Shapes surrounded me as a shadow stooped above my frail frame and lifted me up. There was just enough time for my mind to register that it was a human before everything went dark.

Where was I, and what had just happened? I racked my brain for answers, yet there were none, as though my sense of time and of myself was lost. I heard voices…the human? I had no idea.

Nothing was definite anymore.




LC readers are gonna kill me. x.x; Negative zero guesses as to who that Pidgey was, if you’ve read my fic. But for the record, Swift’s backstory will not come into LC, besides, he got amnesia in the end, so why would it? Now I know what LC readers are thinking, “Chibi, WTF, Chapter Eight said they fought Mew in South America.” Well, I changed it, so ha, *sticks out tongue.* X3

~Chibi~;249;
 

Breezy

Well-Known Member
Yes! Another fic!

Sorry, slow day in the fanfiction area huh? =P I was just rather excited today and there were not as many fics produced as there usually are. Onto the story though heh . . .

Not a LC reader (I'll read it one day . . . but until then . . . uh . . . hehe) so I really can't comment on the plot as to why the people in black are attacking Mew (not unless its the obvious I wanna catch a legendary for my own greedy needs which I think it is).

You describe beautifully though Chibi. ^_^ A fic that quickly captured my interest on the first go. Everything was smooth and just flowed together perfectly IMO.

I found nothing wrong grammar/spelling wise except this:

She recoiled back, and bombarded the dragon with her most powerful energy assault and streaking off.
isn't a parallel sentence. And maybe this one:
I felt a sickening crack in my wings as I collided with the glass.
Glass or grass?

But yeah. I really like how you wrote you're battle scenes and actually had Mew fight for once (read a lot where she just does for defense or dodges heh).

What a crappy review. --; But I try.

LaTeR dAyZ!
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Not a LC reader (I'll read it one day . . . but until then . . . uh . . . hehe) so I really can't comment on the plot as to why the people in black are attacking Mew (not unless its the obvious I wanna catch a legendary for my own greedy needs which I think it is).
Actually this scene, and this backstory in itself, never come into LC. There's a vague metnion of TR trying to catch Mew in chapter eight, but that's it. I just felt like randomly giving a little backstory to a Pidgey character.
Glass or grass?
Glass, although I should have gone into that more. He ran into a window, hense the, "something was in front of him that reflected what was behind him."
But yeah. I really like how you wrote you're battle scenes and actually had Mew fight for once (read a lot where she just does for defense or dodges heh).
Heh, thanks, yeah, I like portraying Lgendaries differently ^^ Thanks for reviewing!

~Chibi~;249;
 

Charsel

Claws of Darkness
kewl, just kewl. That was a plain, old....pure chibiness writing, love it.

ok, i cant say anything negative but from a few spelling errors i found, here you go:
With a command from the humans, the monsters let loose a number of assaults, fire, electricity, water, are much more.
shouldnt that be 'and'
everal of the humans hurled purple balls at her, but the sent them flying back with another burst of incredible energy.
i think there might be someting missing there
The horrible sounds of the winged monsters pursuing the cat ensued beind me, and I blocked everything out of my mind as I flew, closing my eyes in sheer terror.
behind


well, apart from them, love every minute of it, bit short, but short and sweet. Sweeter than the sweetest lollie pop you can find.

i bow before thee, i love thee writing style, keep thi work up!!!
<Char;005;>
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
i think there might be someting missing there
It was supposed to say 'she' *looks down at keyboard.* Honestly, t isn't even near s, how did that happen???
kewl, just kewl. That was a plain, old....pure chibiness writing, love it.

well, apart from them, love every minute of it, bit short, but short and sweet. Sweeter than the sweetest lollie pop you can find.

i bow before thee, i love thee writing style, keep thi work up!!!
Thanks! ^^ Blah, I can't think of anything to say, you've left a big grin on my face, though X3

~Chibi~;249;
 

Charsel

Claws of Darkness
no probs!! i love your writting style chibi, and i swear to god, or who ever you want me to, i am telling the truth!!

Riza;005;:-.- you're not even christian, and what if she says the mafia? are you going to swear infront of them

errrr, i think ill sat no comment.......

Thanks! ^^ Blah, I can't think of anything to say, you've left a big grin on my face, though X3

*grins big grin* im starting to blush now.... he he, thanks for the comment, if you can call it that

Riza;005;: you playboy, you.... *fists shake in anger*

errr...... ill leave now, ill cya at BF!!
<Char;005;>
 

Cs32

SUGAR!!!
I love your writing as well Chibi, thats why I pretty much look for your fics now. :D
Though all the spelling mistakes were already found, I decided I should comment on this. I love your battle writing style and how you had Mew fight for once. To bad Swift had amnesia, that might put some twist into your fic. Keep up the good work!
~~CS~~
 

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
Oooooooh, yes....very nice, very nice. I like your simple title for your one-shot, and the opening was good. It just threw you right into the action, which makes for a good hook.

I had a bit of a difficult time understanding what was happening, because I'm afraid I am new here and this is, to be honest, the first fanfiction I would have reviewed here. The action was very frenzied, but it fits in with the theme. I had to re-read your story a few times to check for mistakes, but Golden Char already caught them.

I only feel that it needed a bit more description in the middle. You described all the actions, but it somehow felt as if one was standing back and watching instead of being in the action itself. However, since this was done from a first-person POV that's easily understood.

..::Scrap::..
 
U

Umbrazard

Guest
Dagnammit. I will NEVER be the first to read one. ::sigh::

Anyway, I'm guesing the Pidgey character was Rufus. You know the purple pidgey that you wrote about?

Yeah, ok not funny. Anyway this was very good. Not my favorite out of the LC One-shots, but still excellent. I honestly can't say I was that interested in Swift's backround, I guess I mostly figured Jade found him and he became her pet. Obviously I was wrong. NOt much more to say that others haven't but I give this one a ;197;.;359; (9.25/10)

~Umbra;197;
 

indigestible_wad

Well-Known Member
Yes, new stories! I never expected you to write a story about Swift. I wonder who you're going to do next. Anyway's, tis good, no spelling or grammar errors, but there never are, unless you really don't care. There's not much else to say, othere than great job!
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Cs32: heh, yeah, but I figured it was best if he didn't remember that, I didn't want to complicate LC with more backstories, when I'd have a heck of a hard time fitting this in, anyways.

Scrap: Well, see, with this, I wanted it that readers didn't know where it was taking place or even why, only that these guys are doing anything to catch Mew and a Pokémon is caught in the middle of it. And yeah, I see what you mean about the middle, but in a way, the Pidgey IS watching it from the side, so I guess readers would, too, then. Thanks for reviewing!

Umbrazard: Hey, I said negative zero gusses...how in the fruit did you know that meant one retarded random guess? My randomness isn't very much of an enigma anymore, is it? Actually, this backstory doesn't come into LC at all really, so it's kind of like it doesn't exist. I just really wanted to write it. ^^

indigestable_wad: heh, next is Razors. Again. But not a backstory, it'll be what happens after he escapes from TR.

Oh, and for the record, this took place in Viridian Forest. I was thinking, and Celebi is in Ilex, so why not Viridian Forest be Mew's sacred place?

~Chibi~;249;
 

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
That's an excellent point about Virdian Forest, but then that'd sort of make Petalburg Woods Jirachi's sacred place by default. I always think Mew's sacred place is in World's Edge Island because I'm just game-oriented like that. :p
 
U

Umbrazard

Guest
Well, I don't think Mew has a sacred place. i picture her as more of a nomad. I mean Celebi's got Islex because she's grass. But yeah. GO Rufus!
 
F

Funky Espeon

Guest
Nice fic. ^_^ It had good grammar, no spelling errors, and description was great too. Good job.
 

lilbluecorsola

Binky-boo! <3
Fwee! o.o

Like your other One-Shots, I loved this one. =) Descriptions were great. I could easily picture the scene in my mind. Length is fine too...

I really couldn't find any errors. =) Although at the end, him crashing into the window just seemed out of place. XP

Other than that, great job! =D
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Ack, you're right about the end. *Fetches magical fix-things stick and pokes the last few paragraphs, making them make more sense.* X3 I love this thing, I don't even have to put any effort into fixing things, it comes up with answers for me!
Silverwing;249;: Oh yeah? What about that emotion scew up in chapter seven thta it couldn't fix, what about--*gets strangled.*

Thanks for pointing that part out, Blue! XD

~Chibi~;249;
 

Burnt Flower

Horror Mistress
Another wonderful one-shot, though you really should stray away from the LC storyline a little bit (so you can broaden your horizons).

I found no spelling or grammatical errors - I must be losing my touch. :p Just joking, you writing is, as always, very good.

I think your description was at its best here; my absolute favorite part was the first paragraph (me loving gore and all...:p). Your descriptions are one of the best here - just incredible.

Wow, poor Swift... I had no idea what his past was (didn't know it was going to be this traumatic). You have such fantastic imagination to create such a special backstory for each of your characters (and true fondness).

Oh and this...
“Chibi, WTF, Chapter Eight said they fought Mew in South America.”
...

NO! Spoilers! ARGH!

...

I really should continue reading your story sometime...

Keep up the excellent work! :D
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Another wonderful one-shot, though you really should stray away from the LC storyline a little bit (so you can broaden your horizons).
I know, I know ^^ I have imagination issues.
SIlverwing;249;: That's gotta be the most bull you've ever said.
--; But yeah, I guess everyone already caught all the errors. not even sure if this can be considered a bakstory, as it doesn't come into LC at all, but meh, random ideas must be written.
I really should continue reading your story sometime...
Silverwing;249;: Yes you should, yes you should
~Silverwing!!!
Silverwing;249;: What? You say it all the time and *dodges heavy thing thrown at him*
~Actually, not much of a spoiler, just a random thing mentioned in that chapter.

~Chibi~;249;
 

Elemental Charizam

Sudden Genre Shift
Nice work Chibi, almost all the characters have bactstory now, though none of them seem very cheerful :D

Poor Swift though... still its probably better for him he has amnesia, it'd be a disturbing memory.

5: :snowlax:

~EC
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Nice work Chibi, almost all the characters have bactstory now, though none of them seem very cheerful

Poor Swift though... still its probably better for him he has amnesia, it'd be a disturbing memory.
Hee, yeah, cheerful one-shots are hard X3 Less depth, IMO, but this is probably the last backstory. From now on, they'll be oofstories, where something parallell the main story, but is something happenning elsewhere away from Jade, like how in Outcats, as I've said, it'll be what happens after Razors, Aros, and Stygian escape. And yeah, I figured the amnesia was best, however......there will be some very suttle hints about this in a future strive-to-catch-a-Legendary chapter ;)

~Chibi~;249;
 
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