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Writing Style and Storytelling questions

Discussion in 'The Authors' Café' started by EmphaticPikachu, Nov 1, 2012.

  1. EmphaticPikachu

    EmphaticPikachu A tired little girl~

    Okay so, I decided to write a fic based on an idea I had a while ago. After coming up with the general idea, and actually expanding upon it, I wrote the first chapter after much arguing within myself.

    ...And I still love the premise, but I realize how horrible my writing style is (transitioning is what I'm most worried about.). And I'm also not sure upon what to add as an understanding of the situation. I'll elaborate.

    Since writing style is my main concern, I'll start with it. Looking back on it now, it's so...awkward. My friend described it as "to formal", to which I can actually agree with. (I agreed with it, but i still found it funny considering I'm usually called out for being way to conversational in essay's. XD) I'll give an excerpt from the story.

    “Fine fine, Flygon, drop me off around the area he fell to okay?”
    Flygon nodded in understanding, and slowly descended to the ground. Chason and his Charizard followed in suit. Jumping off of Flygon and Charizard, they returned them to their pokeballs, while ordering Domo’s Staraptor to search around in the sky for its trainer. His Staraptor complied, flying off and cooing to try and attract his trainer’s attention. Then they gave the area a thorough look through.

    “Gezz…It looks like any other normal forest in the world, but something is so eerie…There’s defiantly something wrong with this place, don’t you agree Chason?” Kuri asked as she felt an oak tree’s bark.

    That detail...I don't understand how to effectively put in extra detail without it seeming like...its awkward. How do I, transition effectively over from Staraptor doing something, to telling the reader that they started looking for the character? This type of awkward transition, is basically throughout the entire first chapter, and I can completely understand why it gets boring, or you might skip over the details because of it. It just doesn't flow, and I can't seem to make it flow. It's irritating to be honest, because I want to make sure the reader knows what's happening in the scene, but without making it boring or hard to read. Why? Does it stem from my lack of Knowledge of advanced english words? I am having an extreme annoyance with this...
    This is one from right after the explosion (story things.)

    I consciously awoke from sleep. I didn’t know where I was, and I couldn’t even lift up my head in order to even try to find out that information. I was so pathetically weak right now. When did my body weaken so much? Heck, when did I fall asleep? I wish I could of answered those questions, but I was weak not only in body, but in mind too. I couldn’t even tell what I was laying down on. My sense of touch was totally numbed. I needed to regain myself, so I tried to get up. I managed to open my eyes and slightly lift my head out of my crossed hands, but my vision was blurry. Even so, I immediately picked up on how much of a dark area this place was. I couldn’t tell where I was even getting the light to see anything. Wait! A flash of red light just came from the sky, so I forced myself to look up. There were huge dark thunder clouds and red lightning…wait…Is that even possible?! I was surprised at least, to see dark red lightning. Another lightning bolt struck close to me. It didn’t reduce my weariness, but it sure as hell awoke my senses and frightened me.

    This whole example isn't that bad in my opinion, but it still shows signs of my horrible transitional abilities. Especially if you read the rest of the chapter, and find me using the same transitions relatively. Argh, what do I do?

    The other, less prominent problem (but still big in its own right.) is how to tell this story. Someone said i was rushing the story to start...and I admit I was. Some reasons I had were justifiable, some...not so much.
    For instance... I originally had (and technically still have) a two page and counting long explanation for the events that happen. Or at least, why some things happened the way they did. (More specifically, the world transfer.), Plus it also introduced future characters that would come in.
    The problem and reason why I stopped writing it was because I didn't feel interesting...I WANTED to give that explanation, that back story, but putting it at the beginning is something I didn't want to do. Opinions vary, but I feel that the information of how something happened is not nearly as interesting if you don't give the reader time to learn the situation, and/or care for the characters. Usually you have to achieve that before what I wrote would become interesting, at least, in my mind.

    That was justifiable...However, there were parts I left out from the scene in my head because I was either lazy, or I could figure the right words to describe it. At the very beginning, Kuri knocks down Domo for, to the readers, what seems like no reason. I had a justification for that, but I ended up not putting it in because it would require an annoying extra page or two to set up. Plus just starting the story is hard for me. I prefer to start with someone saying something, despite that being sort of cliche. If I had to explain this...then I would of had to re-do the intro, which I procrastinate horribly at. So I guess the question is, what usually grabs the attention better at the beginning? How much justification do you think something needs at the beginning of the story? It makes a difference in how I write it big time...

    Also a small side note, and you don't technically have to answer this...But...
    The story is genderbending. In fact thats a plot point that is interesting in of itself to me. But I'm not sure how far to go when describing certain situations...XD;...I love genderbending, but more for the awkwardness then the eye candy it usually gives. So that means it will never be descriptive of the actual change. (I'm also a guy. I don't even know how to describe a girls things, and I really don't want to or feel the need to. XD). In accordance with that...how far should the scenes go? I'll be honest and state that I have no idea what you classify mature Vs T VS E-10 or something. I DON'T want to be stuck in the mature area, but I'm not sure where that line must be drawn when it comes to description...

    But that's it. Help with these problems would be much appreciated...

    If you want to understand what I mean by Transitional problems all over the entire chapter...then you can read the chapter here:
    I'ma not uploading it to serebii until I get it to flow better, and not be so off-turning...Besides, this was uploaded there at request because the reader didn't like reading on deviart. (lol)

    This would also be my first time post something here...I've read the rules, but if I've missed something please tell me >_<;;...

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