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You're Not Alone (perhaps PG-13?)


Well-Known Member
This idea came from the top of my head. It isn't a masterpiece, nor is it a scrap.

I do not mind nitpicking, criticism, or the like, but PLEASE keep in mind that I am only eleven and there is only SO MUCH I know. I'd like to say that it would be on the safe side to rate this PG-13, just have this feeling.

The Prologue is meant to leave some things untouched, everything will clear up later.

Enjoy, or at least try...


Why must evil lose all the time? I racked my head with question over and over, as if it was a pancake. I turned it over. And over. But I would never get anything out of it. So much effort for a burnt flop. That's also the case for when I devise a plan to take over some weirdo part of the world.

I felt comfortable in my throne made out of solid ice. I wore a black dress, and a plain one too, but you could tell from the crescent moon mark on my forehead that I was somebody special.

My room was covered in plants and growth and the feeling of still life despite the fact that it was made entirely of nevermeltice.


A chilling, slippery solid object that gave me a shiver as I touched it, a shiver pleasant enough to bring me a rare smile.

Do you see evil princesses smile? As in naturally? Not one of those "I have a wicked plan" smiles? Like the smile when a four-year-old girl in pigtails wins a doll or when a poor teenage boy is presented with a shiny, new bike for his birthday?

I loved ice. I loved plants. But most of all, I loved the darkness.

I loved its mystery, of when you stare into it and can't get anything out of it, of when you hide in it and it's like a blanket wraps around you and no one can see you, except the darkness itself. The dark was a beautiful eerie thing.

But nothing could comfort me after the loss of my brother, who favored the smokey stench of licking flames that ate away at everything it touched; fire was his power. And when his fire is gone, so is he. His entire warmth and brotherly understanding. His bravery and strength.

Some of my advisors think that the clan of rock-dwellers killed him in battle, but I believe differently. I just can't interpret my thoughts when they are all in a jumble like they are now, one atop another in a heap, or scattered in every which-way direction.

I remember the anger burning like a dragon inside me as I recalled seeing on television, the entire world rejoicing at the fact that a member of my family had died, like for them it was a special treat, a nuisance rid forever.

I am devising a plan of revenge. Sworn revenge. Against the mysterious murderer and the wasteful humans that relished my brother's death.

But mind you, I am no mastermind.

Let me restate that: Tsuki is no mastermind.

.:~*End Prologue*~:.

Evan Turner

You are my only fear
A little short, but it's enough to get me interested. Keep going with this. For an eleven year old, this is good work. I guess. I couldn't do this when I was eleven. It's good, mysterious, but I'm not sure if it's Pokemon or not. If it has fake Pokemon, I'm sorry, but I won't be here. But it's good, so keep going. Bye.


The Compromise
Pretty good, catchy. Yes it is short, but that is to be expected. It is only a prologue, after all. :)


Well-Known Member
I got 3 reviews over night? w00t!

I'm being overexcited. ^^

Fallen Chrinocles: No, it won't have fake Pokemon, but it will include Pokemon! (That's for sure.) I'm estatic. And I know I didn't spell that right. -_-

Spewy05: Well, it was meant to be short. It's only the prologue, after all. But I glad you "lied" it?

katiekitten: Thanks.

Expect the next chapter around sometime this weekend, or Monday. I'm a busy person, after all.


A Shadow of Darkness
Hmm, some of Burraki's work... I do hope you'll finish this one. Anyways, while it was short, I liked the prologue. You've gotten much better since the last time I read one of your stories. I may not follow this very closely, but I'll keep an eye on it; when I don't have homework that is.


Well-Known Member
kaizer63: Ah, good to be seeing you again. :) I suppose you set high expectations this time? XD

Chareon: Thank you! ^^ Alright, maybe a PM list won't be too much trouble, as long as it doesn't become so lengthy that I leave out some people. XD

I'm not so sure about this chapter. It's barely three pages long, and the quality is...hesitant, shall I say? But it goes with my idea of the plot, although it may move a bit slow and then too fast, but then again, I'm done. Whoopee! And I was almost on time! ^^

.:~*Chapter One*~:.

I stared down at my latest plan and one word, just one: stupid, popped into my mind as my eyes scanned the complicated mass of labels, lists, and figures, and I figured that when it came to plans, I was a complete failure.

I heard my bedroom door creak open. "Dear?" said the voice of my father. I turned in my chair with my back slumped and my teeth gritted.

My father, there he stood. If at some big meeting or show he would stand at his full pride and glory, gloating there in the sun or on TV or on the front cover of the daily newspaper, showing his famous smile and being a big dodo through my eyes.

But if he was near me, he would act like a mouse, meek and quiet. For one thing, his worst two fears were ice, and me. Of course, he loved me and all, but when we were there in the room, I could feel his fear like a spider could feel my wrath; it was as pure and daylight there before my eyes. He knew I knew. I knew that he knew that I knew. And if you think into it, it would go on forever.

I folded my arms across my chest. "Yes?" I said, as if he was my petty servant.

I could sense his exasperation over his fear, too. In fact, now that I think about it, I can feel everything about him, even his thoughts, as if they were written on his forehead.

"What are you doing?"

Less exasperation and fear. More family warmth. I could hear the rain banging mercilessly on my window. Plop. Pitter-patter. It was like they mixed their oh-so-lovely racket together and looked, or heard upon it like some big orchestra masterpiece.

"I'm making plans to take over the world." Ding. Plop. Pang pang.

I heard a strange sound, and it was coming from my father. He was wheezing and whooping and booming with laughter. It sounded unnatural to my ears. I never laughed and nobody laughed in front of me. Plop bang twitter-pang, the birds sang mournfully with the melancholy drops of gray rain. The laughing and plopping and singing sounded like a chorus.

Plop plop.

He stopped his awful laugh and put his hand on my shoulder. I had an instinct to pull away because of the warm touch, but I figured that it would only be polite to remain seated.

"Dear, there's no need for THAT. Unless you want us to go to war."

Plop. His smile faded.

I crumpled up my plan and added it to the lump of paper balls in my rubbish bin.


I didn't sleep well that night. The rain ceased to plop on my window. As soon as the storm ended, the birds burst with song, as if they had been holding it in. I hated the sound for it meaning the end of winter, but I couldn't wait for spring.

My dream started like this: I was standing in darkness. Usually I would be pleased in a scene like this, but it was so eerie I couldn't help but be afraid. I could hear my father calling desperately to me. His urgent tone echoed throughout the darkness. I ran towards the source of the voice, and fell to my knees. I felt as if something was pressing and nudging me from every direction and I looked down. I saw the black, soft, and graceful paws of an Umbreon. I screamed and fled on four light and fast feet. Because I couldn't see three feet before me, I felt myself slip and fall as if I had teetered on the edge of a rocky cliff, and then the space below wanted to swallow me. My fear of heights welled up and I screamed.

I woke up nearly crying. I had never had such an awful dream before. The sunlight wasn't showing through my window, instead thunder rumbles and gray clouds glowed menacingly down on my bed.

I brushed my black hair. My bangs covered my left eye because I had one silver eye and one blue eye, and it was cooler to show one eye alone. The hair in the back were brushed to the sides of my head and curled up slightly. And I made careful notice to hide the purple crescent-moon shaped birthmark smack-dab in the middle of my forehead.

The day went on, with my boring and yawn-inducing lessons flew by and the sun had blown away the rain clouds with its mighty glory and shine. But my father was away at war, the servant told me. I felt as if a part of me has been dunked underwater. It felt cold, lonely, and miserable.

He had left without telling me.

I started to dread going to bed at night. My dream haunted me every night.

One morning I woke up, weary and disturbed. The servant with short green hair ran sobbing into my room as I was brushing my hair. She opened her black eyes.

"What is it, servant?" I questioned menacingly.

"Oh, your Majesty, your Highness, you must flee! Your father was killed! They are coming for you, your Grace, and they will kill you! You must flee!" she collapsed, sobbing to the floor.

I couldn't take it all in at once. I forgot my royal attitude and dropped onto my knees beside her. "Who is it? Who will go with me?"

"Tsuki, please listen to me." I flinched at hearing my servant call me by name, but I let her continue. "You will have to go alone and seek shelter and make sure, that no one will know who you are! Come here!"

My breath now came in short gasps of confusion. What was happening? This was too sudden. Much too sudden. I stepped forward, aware of the fact that my life was in immediate danger now. She removed the pins from my hair, letting it loose, long and trailing behind my back. Then she braided it tightly and neatly. It went down to my shoulderblades. My bangs stayed as they were. "No one can recognize you now. But you need a name!" she fussed unhappily.

A guard ran into the room. "Kira, the enemy has been sighted on castle grounds. We've no time! The Highness will have to flee now!"

My head was spinning. I prayed that I was dreaming another awful nightmare, that when I woke up it would be snowing outside and my father would appear in my room, smiling and telling me how much he loved me. I opened my eyes. Kira, the servant, held out a bulging handkerchief to me.

"Flee, Tsuki. It is for your safety."

I suddenly felt sad to leave them all behind. They were so loyal and innocent to me. Now they were giving themselves up to ensure my safety. I did not try to hide the tears that formed in my eyes. I refused the hankerchief, not knowing what it contained.

I went through the secret passage the servant children used. It led out back and then I crawled through a hole in the stone wall. I took a look back at the castle, my home, and ran like I had had never before. My bare feet slapped the earth and I could hear men shouting behind me. I looked back again and my home was now a great fire that lashed at the sky.

I ran like the wind, because the souls lost flew in it. The wind was like a breath, soft and moving in the atmosphere in swirls. I wasn't going to disappoint them just yet.

Life would never be the same again.
.:~*End Chapter One*~:.

I have a feeling there will be a lot of criticism for this. :/

Except the next chapter BY Thanksgiving. School's a big load these days, you know?
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A Shadow of Darkness
I really do wish this chapter was longer, but as it's a fairly good job otherwise, we can let it slide this time.

I found a couple of mistakes too, but they're not a very big deal. I may not have noticed them if this was a later chapter that moved more plot along.

I scream and fled on four light and fast feet.

I took a look back at the castle, me home,

All in all, it wasn't a bad chapter, but you do know that if you wanted you could have just come on and said you wanted to revise it, so it might be a while. People get mad over bad chapters, not good chapters that take a long time.

Silver Ryu

~Aqua Dragon~
This is an interesting fic. I like how you're telling it from the perspective of someone who's pretty much a bad guy, but doesn't seem like one. I really like it, and I hope you can get the next chapter up soon.


Yes, I agree ^^ the perspective adds a lot to it... kaiser63 got all the mistakes that I noticed, and all in all I thought it was great! It didn't have as much trouble with speed as you claim it did, and you did a great job describing the main character (I find it hard to do in first person).
One thing though, you mentioned that she had a birthmark. When her servant put her hair in a braid, wouldn't it leave that open to the world? Or does she have bangs not in the braid?
Anywayz, in the scene with her father, the otomotopias add a nice touch...
Thanks for PM'in me!
'Till next time... *disappears with a flash of smoke*
;196; ~Chareon


Well-Known Member
Kaizer63: You're right, it was too short. It looked so big on TextEdit...and I made mistakes? I fix them shortly. Thank you for the erm, pointers. XD

Silver Ryu: Thank you! ^^ I enjoy how people point out the good things that I wouldn't have noticed...exactly. XD

Chareon: No problem! I'm going to edit the chap shortly, so perhaps I could clear it up. XD

The next chapter is two and a half pages long so far. Expect it completed and up by next Monday. ^^

Toodelsies! ^^


Well-Known Member
Well, no one reviewed for two days, so I'll post up the next chapter anyway.

Show some gratitude, I gave up homework time for this. I knew I could've waited, but I was sick of dividing mixed fractions. Don't point out anything about the length, it wasn't meant to be a novel. To me, the chapter is gigantic. To some of you, it's a shrimp. If I don't satisfy you, tell me why.

Oh, and don't thank me for PMs. That's what I supposed to do if you're a on the list. That means you, Chareon! ^^

Now onward!

.:~*Chapter Two*~:.

I was well enough aware that I had no destination, food, or water with an entire army on my tail. Why did they have to go after me? I was innocent, and I was just the daughter of their enemy. What did I have that they want?

And I really hated the wild. Loads of pests like mosquitoes and Rattatas, one even tore my dress, lots of mud, long hot days, and long chilly nights. The rough terrain left gashes in my feet and there was not one comfortable spot not taken by a Pokemon, so I slept on hard ground and woke up groggy. Why did they have to go after me? What do they want from me?

I glared at my wiggly reflection in the rushing river. The mirror told me, but I knew already, I just had to realize it. Maybe it had to do with my birthmark. But if my mark was something special, like it gave me powers, I would've known in the last fourteen years of my life.

If it was the birthmark that forced me to flee and suffer, I couldn't do anything about it. What could I do, carve it out of my head?

I cupped my hands and splashed water onto my face. So it wasn't a stain. That was obvious anyway, because I had it since birth. They don't call it a birthmark for nothing.

-One Mile Away-

-Enter Vaporeon's POV-

There was no other better place for a home than near a lake under the mountains, with plenty of prey and soft grass to rest in, wide open spaces without a dirty human disturbing us.

This was my home, my place to be.

Recently some cute Jolteon wandered near our group, and he was injured. We let him rest and heal, and he became a family member. I felt the empty gap inside me melt together and fold up. This newcomer closed up the hole that represented my lack of family. I was a loner and outsider.

I took a closer look at him from behind a patch of long grass that reached to the sun in thin, wavy fibers.

His fur lashed out in sharp spikes, like the rays of the sun on a summer day in the desert. His chin was sharp and his cheeks made his face look almost like the shape of a heart. His eyes were big and shiny. If you saw the sun reflected in it, you would be blinded. His paws weren't very big and his legs not too short. They were thin and long. His ear was torn, but to the older Pokemon they thought it meant toughness and strength. To me it meant ragged flesh.

When he first staggered into our territory, his fur drooped and he limped slowly. His ear was torn. Now he ran like lightning, darting here and there is less than a blink of an eye.

Weirdly enough, he was very quiet and often very cold. He did not seem to like to socialize, and when anyone tries to make friendly and casual everyday conversation with him, his eyes would give a steely glint and he would shrug them off. I haven't tried yet; no one has interest in speaking to a juvenile Vaporeon.

-Back to Tsuki's POV-

Where would I go now? I needed to hide somewhere until I could regain power. Or at least get a life. I couldn't run from a bunch of men forever. The sun was setting near the mountains. Should I head west, hoping to stumble upon a civilization? Or should I flee north until I reach the village Mura? Mura was a safe, peaceful village that wasn't under my father's rule. They couldn't care less about his daughter.

But I knew nothing of the west. Heading south or east would get me easily caught by the soldiers.

The sun had disappeared from the horizon, and the stars shone at their full glory with the full moon. The field exploded with cream-colored flowers.

I had never seen anything as marvelous as this, having been cooped up in the castle my whole life. The flowers were so beautiful, that they even looked...appetizing.

I knew that I was famished, but what I didn't know was that...

Are these flowers...edible?

I didn't necessarily think that people would eat flowers, I never heard of such nonsense, but with an empty stomach, no food, and a field of flowers that made your mouth water, what was the harm in eating a flower?

I plucked a couple of flowers from their stems. The petals were cool and soft on my hands, almost as if they were magical. I opened my mouth and the wind blew a petal in. I didn't want to taste it, so I tried swallowing it immediately. My tongue sensed its awful bitterness, forcing it out of my throat. Was it possibly poisonous?

Too late. I could feel it tickling my insides as it was squeezed down. My head went dizzy. I didn't want to die! The world around me became blurry and then sharper and brighter than before, but at the same time, I felt myself shrinking. I felt my body slip to the ground into sleep. The last thing I saw was the moon. I tried to reach up to it for help.

-Enter Vaporeon's POV-

"Mizu!" My friend, Pinku, an Espeon, said to me. "You wanna hunt together?"

I nodded happily. I couldn't wait to fill my stomach! What would I catch today? An easy Rattata, or a ferocious Spearow? I grinned at Pinku. She was faster and stronger than me, but she always let me have a bit of her latest prey, no matter how hard it was to catch. The harder the prey, the better tasting they are. Last time I had a few nibbles of Swablu. Swablu were slow, but they were very hard to find. You probably had to shimmy up a tree to catch one, but by the time you did, they were gone with the morning breeze.

Swablu was soft and tender, and sweet juice leaked out when you bit into it. Pinku said it tasted like canned tuna to her, but I didn't know what candy toe-na was, so I shrugged.

Pinku and I talked on our way to the Field of Night Flowers, which by day, was a great spot for prey. The grass provided a place for us to hide so we could sneak on our prey and it hid us from poachers. We were forbidden to enter the area at night. My mother told my sisters and I that there drifted a curse. That was enough for my little Eevee sisters. But not for me. I still avoided it after sundown, because I loved to be known as the Vaporeon who never disobeyed a rule. I had a reputation to uphold.

"Did you hear about the new fellow?" I asked, although I knew Pinku must have.

"Oh, yes I did. He's such a hot Jolteon! You can't find, like, Jolteon hotter than him in these areas? He's got, like, that fur, and like, those eyes! All my friends went ga-ga for him, including me!" She snorted.

"Well, does he have a name?" I said. I didn't think he was hot. Maybe because my hormones didn't take over yet. I was the shrimp of the pack. And the only one not into males.

"His name is Ryu!" she squealed. I rolled my eyes. That was what I expected of Pinku. If she saw a Pidgey she would squeal and exclaim and examine all over it. I could picture the surprised expression on the poor bird's face.

She ran laughing in front of me and then I saw her large ears sway as she suddenly stopped. I ran to her. "Pinku, is something wrong?"

My eyes met the answer before I even asked the question.

There was an Umbreon lying on the ground. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed and the pained look on her silent face told me that whatever she went through wasn't pleasant. However, the ring on her forehead was in the shape of a crescent moon. She must be unusual. Pinku nervously nudged her. No sign of consciousness.

"She must be a loner," Pinku said. I nodded in agreement. Her smell was unfamiliar. I realized that her smell was...blank. It didn't tell me her history or what she had encountered recently. It merely told me she was female, and about Ryu's age.

"Should we take her back?"

I shrugged.

Pinku narrowed her eyes. I followed the purple mystery of it and at the same time, we noticed a gash in her leg. Pinku jumped and sniffed around the area. "Hm, it's a Rattata bite. It'll get infected if we don't bring her back."

"But we came here for hunting!" I whined.

"Never mind, Mizu, we have to get her back!"

I shrunk, ashamed of my selfishness. I helped to drag her over the hill and into our territory. The sun was jagged behind the bumpy silhouette of the horizon. I was relieved that we made it home before the night sky shown at full glory. My stomach rumbled as we pushed and pulled her back to camp.

The pack leader, Takibi, glared at us as we appeared on the top of the hill. She was a radiant and fierce Flareon who many respected. When darkness passed over the sky like a wave, her fire shown like a bonfire, raging and glowing with lashing, hot tongues, yet the grass never burned.

"Why are you late, children?" she asked.

"Your Majesty," Pinku and I said simultaneously as we lowered ourselves to the ground.

Takibi snorted. "Please don't do that, it scares me."

We bolted upright and tried casually, "We won't."

I didn't know until now that Takibi was no older than Pinku. She was merely the niece of our former and deceased leader: Hoshi.

Hoshi didn't evolve because of her pride of being a discolored Eevee. Her coat was pure silver and white, and she took a lot of care to see to that she was strong for a leader yet that she never evolved. Enemies often tried to thwart her by chucking evolution stones at her, but they always missed and were punished.

"What was it that delayed you?" she questioned.

"We found an injured outsider. An Umbreon with an unusual ring on the forehead and a moderately deep bite from a Rattata," Pinku reported like a soldier.

Takibi's eyes scanned the body and screeched for Sada, the one in charge of medicine.

Unlike everyone else, Sada was a young yet experienced wild Blissey who was in charge of health and healing. She was undersized for her species, but underestimated much too often. She had master health-replenishing powers that made defeating her very hard, and her power was unusual. A quick jab with the foot in the side from her could send a Steelix rolling down a hill.

Her tiny feet practically flew her to the top of the field. Her speech came in either short bursts or quick speaking. "Yes m'am, yes m'am, coming righ' now, m'am," she gasped.

"Sada, could you please bring this outsider Umbreon to the Mother Sycamore?" Takibi requested. Her face seemed to strain to stay straight.

It seemed as if one was calling for another, and then another calling for others, for Sada curtsied, said a ,"right away, m'am," and screeched for the emergency team.

My ears twitched, and I grimaced. I could feel all three of them quiver. Must they keep yelling for each other? I glanced at Pinku. She didn't seem comfortable at all either. The same look was on Takibi. No one could screech louder than Sada.

A bunch of neighborly Butterfree and Beedrill carried a silken net woven by a Spinarak. They looked prepared every second of it. Humph, well they didn't really have acute hearing, to my tiny understanding of insects.

Sada was quite powerful for her size. She dragged the Umbreon onto the net. The bugs seemed to dip and rise with the new and sudden weight. They became minute dots in the distance as they approached the Mother Sycamore.

The Mother Sycamore was enormous. It towered over the other trees, yet never has a single danger come near it, providing protection for us and the other trees. It was almost as if there was a protective barrier or wall around our home.

The Mother Sycamore was also hollow, providing shelter as a hospital for the injured and ill. Inside it smelled of honey, and Volbeat and Illumise take shifts to provide light for the inside at night, when the sun couldn't glow through the windows. There was a lobby with no real solid ceiling. Their were stairs on the sides let spiraled up as they led to the hospital rooms. Because railing for the stairs didn't exist, spider Pokemon spent weeks weaving a net on every floor that was strong, not sticky, and could catch a Caterpie without it slipping through. They were built to prevent any falls from the stairs. The ceiling was a bunch of leaves, so when it rained, it was suggested you bring an extra large leaf-rain-shader. Pinku said humans called their strange leaf-rain-shaders "umbrellas." I never heard of more ridiculous names.

"Mizu," Pinku said softly. "We should go back to the den now. We'll see her tomorrow."

I nodded. The moon hid behind the clouds tonight. I prayed that tomorrow, the Umbreon would be up and about.

.:~*End of Chapter Two*~:.
Six pages! That almost made my record. :p


Purity is knowledge
Ki the Aipom: Hey Burakki! I came! Whoopee! Yay! *throws streamers* anyway Aipika wants to comment and suggest and flame! Report her now! Alert! Aler-
Hey Burakki! Sorry about that. But seeing as you even cared to read my fic I decided to do the favor of reading yours. I think the prolouge and chapter one is good. Chapter two is good too and original but the catch is that so many people are writing about Umbreons, it could be an earful. Other than that, your fic is fantastic! The good thing is that I think your story is cute with the Blissey and the way you described the hospital is great! I could actually picture it in my head! That's good!
Ki the Aipom: You're such a liar! You were going to say that her fic isn't original and that it lacks any real theme!
That took care of that. Don't listen to Ki. He just loooves to get me in trouble.
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Well-Known Member
Thank you Aipika, you have my respect.

ARRRHGH! Why must I act so formal! XD Loosen up, Burakki, you can be casual. XDDDDD

Sorry. Too much sugar. And it's the weekend! I'm dancing for joy! And I'm writing the next chapter.

*is relieved Kaizer isn't here to lecture me on my ignorance and immature self XP*

^---No offense. XD

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
I must say, you're doing quite a nice job, here. There are only a few errors, but only minor ones. No egregious spelling and punctuation mistakes to speak of, making it easy to read and not a mess. I love Pokémon POVs, and so I enjoy that you're using them. One character in particular just cracked me up; her personality was great. And that character would be Pinku.

"Oh, yes I did. He's such a hot Jolteon! You can't find, like, Jolteon hotter than him in these areas? He's got, like, that fur, and like, those eyes! All my friends went ga-ga for him, including me!" She snorted.

XD I love that valley-girl accent. That's just great.

I see a good deal of potential in this, and as long as you make sure the story moves in an interesting, creative direction, it should continue to be nice and enjoyable.


Well-Known Member
For some reason these compliments are kinda starting to scare me....

That doesn't mean you should stop them! *is so full of meself XD*


Well-Known Member
Alright, no one else reviewed. Guess the next chapter's going up.

This chapter has less of Tsuki's view and more of Mizu's. This is also where a new antagonist is introduced.

Oh yeah, death here. Grab a tissue if you're THAT sensitive.

And forget the fancy decoration around the Chapter Title. It's getting quite annoying.

Chapter Three

-Umbreon (Tsuki's) POV-
I felt as if my eyelids were made of metal as I felt life lift to my body. The sweet and strong fragrance of honey was wafting around the room, I could tell even with a blanket over my nose. What was I doing here?

A jolt struck me as I tried to regain my thoughts.

It was impossible! I had no memory, no flashbacks replaying themselves in my mind, and I could not recall anything! It was as if I was just born, with my mind new and fresh, and worst of all, empty. I groaned as I strained to travel back, back into my rich past, if I had any, but I ended up vomiting cream-colored flower petals. A image, perhaps a memory, flew past my imagination, and I was unable to grasp it and soak myself in its knowing. I did manage to figure that I probably had eaten something that upset me into unconsciousness and amnesia, and that I had woken up here, wherever this was.

The bitterness of the thing I had eaten lingered in my mouth. Then an image of the moon popped in my head, but it had no meaning to me.

I was frustrated. I didn't know my name, my origin, or even what I...

It was as if something was injecting facts into me. A vast knowledge of the Pokemon world and species appeared before me. I sat there to analyze it slowly. According to this new burst of memory, I gathered I was an Umbreon, black paws, rings, and all, and that I was in a hospital. That smelled of honey.

I stared at the wooden walls and snapped that the hospital must be a tree.

It took a moment to drink in the world, or room, around me. My blanket was made of leaves that were cool and caressed your fur, and my pillow smelled of feathers. I was getting the hang of this.

-Mizu's POV-

Mother scolded me for staying out late, but I could tell with that shimmer and glimmer in her eyes that she was proud of my caring deed. Hence her name: Kira-Kira.

She was a Vaporeon like me. I remember the wonderful times when we went to the lake together to bathe in its serene waves and dive to the bottom, which was daintily decorated with pink pebbles.

Mother was kind to give me part of her supper yesterday; too bad it was tough, leathery , and quite old Spearow meat, but the meal lasted all night, for my hunger was absent this morning.

I spent all night thinking and dreaming about the Umbreon. Where did she come from? What happened to her? What was her name?

Two purple ears started coming higher up from behind the hill, and the second they appeared I knew that Pinku was coming.

I ran to her, but actually just rammed right into her chest. I felt my nose dig into her warm fur and I bounced off sooner than I hit.

"Oof!" I skidded on my tail down the hill.

I could hear her footsteps trample the grass as she ran to me. "Mizu! I'm sorry, are you OK?"

I opened my eyes, and sure enough, my friendly friend was crouching over me. I stared up at her. "No, it was my fault," I stammered shakily. I heaved myself up onto four paws, lifted my tail, and felt safe with the ground right under me. Staring up at the vast, open sky made my stomach flip and tickle my insides in an uncomfortable way.

Pinku scoffed. "C'mon, Mizu, like, get an ego. You're, like, not going to, like, get any males with yourself, like, so low like that!"

My head started spinning with her outrageous number of "likes". I didn't want to sound like I was ignoring her, so I said, "sure thing, Pinku; I was just trying to be polite."

She scoffed again. Her teen-self now no longer cared for my feelings?

My mind flashed the times of when she was open-minded and kind, when she didn't care about males and she treated me like an equal. She was once the big sister I never had. Now, she was a complete monster.

"Will you stop being all impressive for the boys?" I burst in outrage. All of a sudden, I could fell the anger and exasperation that was stored for the past year billow out of my mouth, stunning Pinku.

"Your new attitude makes you ignore my feelings, what's true, and worst of all, who you really are, Pinku. What happened? Why did you change? Don't you remember the times of when we were truly happy together? Don't you care for those who pay attention to you?" I gasped. In addition to the anger, my sadness was now threatening to pour out of my eyes in the form of tears.

Pinku was appalled.

I could now feel a drop of my sorrow course down my face. Another one. And another.

Pinku froze. She near silently said,"I'm sorry, Mizu, but you don't understand."

I gritted my fangs together. "Yes I do! All you care about is yourself!" Then more quietly, I told her,"I guess I'm hunting alone today."

I took two steps past her astonished self and paused.

I couldn't help it, I wanted to cry. So I did.

It was little with every wail, my melancholiness was leaking out of me. Pinku nuzzled me as I quieted down. When the tears were empty from my heart and my eyes, I looked into the familiar sisterly lavender of her eyes.

We hugged, right there, for a long time.

-Much Farther Away-

-Narrator's POV-

The man seated in the quiet shadow of his room recalled the time when he was little, of when he told his father about his "morning stubble" to appear manly. He smirked and his heart filled with all sorts of feelings, with his sorrow the strongest. He rubbed his coarse beard in thought.

They were long dead; long gone up into the heavens, or sinking into the fiery torturous nightmare of hell. His family was gone from the face of the earth. His evil self cherished the moments of when he saw his family killed.

His father and mother were stabbed to death, although it was fun for the man here, he cherished the death of his sister the most. Part of him loved the moment of fire and the face covered in blood, the other wanted to cry at the thought of it.

His beloved sister, that was what he used to think of her. The young teen with dirty-straw-colored hair in braids named Jenny had taken care of him after he fell gravely ill. She stayed by his bed and fed him and soothed him. She remained strong when she wanted to cry.

He had recovered, unfortunately for Jenny. He started thinking evil thoughts and turned from his sister's hero, to her nightmare. In a meaningless plot to kill his parents, Jenny had found out his recent terrible doings and at first refused that her brother would ever kill and steal. The moment she caught her brother killing her kitten by suffocating it, her eyes blanked with anger and a bullet from his gun had sunk itself into her shoulder.

The man remembered her wince, a grimace out of pain and hurt. He recalled the utter confusion on her face and she blindly tried to run away. He chased after her, but she was much faster. However, she couldn't see where she was going and ran right into the fireplace. The man had escaped, but not before watching the flames devour her bloodied face.

He smoked his pipe casually to cover his upset feelings towards himself. He leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes.

His door creaked open and brightness flowed into the depths of his murky office. One of his henchmen, Bryan stomped into the room.

His bulky figure and unshaven face made him look intimidating and evil, but deep down, Bryan was a real coward. He didn't let his face or fists show it in public, but next to his boss's attitude, he was a mouse. He was a new member of the gang, of the gang that showed only malice and cruelty.

"Um, Rico?" the henchman addressed. He knew that he had made a wrong turn already, for Rico's face twisted into frustration.

"I am your master, and you will address me as 'boss', understand?" he bellowed. When talking back to his "employees", he made careful notice that he scared them into obeying. He smirked as he watched Bryan flinch.

"S-sorry, boss," he shrieked.

Rico leaned forward onto his desk. "What brings you here?"

"I'm ready for my first mission," he stated, then quickly added, "boss."

Rico rubbed his beard in thought. "Well, recently, a pack of Pokemon have been spotted near the mountains. Perfect for poaching, wouldn't you say?"

Bryan reluctantly nodded.

"Take the poaching group A with you and bring as many skins back with you as you can. Should you find an unusual one, bring it back alive. Imagine all the money we could earn! Your success determines your future, Bryan. Should you fail and return, my whip would be unleashed!" he cackled.

Bryan began to wonder why he joined this group in the first place. Sure, he was a high school drop-out and never got an complete education, and his peers, teachers, and family were all cruel to him, and his father abused him, but he didn't have to risk himself for some unworthy cause.

Rico dangled the Poacher room keys on his pinky for Bryan to take them. "Get some confidence, Bryan, you're doing the work of evil right now. Get on a face and move!"

Bryan struggled an evil grin and snatched the keys from Rico. Look out, here I come.

-Mizu's POV-

Pinku and I hunted together in suspenseful silence.

I was sorry I yelled at her. Truly sorry, so I told her, and she seemed convinced, and that moment on, she hasn't been the self she was hours ago. She was quiet and either nodded or shook her head to answer others. She was hurt, but she knew I was right; those who payed attention to her were almost neglected, and those who never noticed her, she tried to impress.

Her eyes were now blank, and empty of warmth. Gone were the glorious memories of triumph.

I tried to sense for other moving bodies in the area using my sharp hearing. I heard a yell in the distance of a...man.

Pinku looked at me, and we both ran for the mountains, shouting,"Men are approaching! Take cover! Take cover!"

I was frightened and my muscles grew tense, then I heard the startling pow! of a whizzing bullet come between us and Pinku.

Pinku gasped,"Mina! My sister is still back there!"

Mina's frightened brown ears moved about in the grass, confused and bewildered.

Pinku's eyes glowed with determination. "I've got to rescue her. Mizu, keep going."


Pinku looked forlorn now. "Mizu, do remember that I love you, and this is for your safety."

I ran again, for another shot startled me.

Pinku grabbed her sister by the scruff of her neck and raced back. Mina dropped to the ground and ran.

Mina caught up with me, but then I heard a yelp and a thud! I looked back and saw my best friend Pinku, on the ground in a bloodied mess of grass. She said through gritted teeth,"Run Mizu! Forget about me!"

I stood there and stared. I heard the howl of the breeze lifting Pinku's soul from her body. Her eyes became lifeless and her body went limp. My eyes blinded with tears and rage, but then the men came into view.

I ran after the wind that carried my friend, towards the mountains. The danger slowed down behind me. I could hear her calling.

Pinku was gone.

End Chapter Three

Criticism welcomed, but nothing on length. This DID take me four nights.
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A Shadow of Darkness
Why would anyone complain about the length? Six pages is just fine, longer may be better, but six pages is still alright. And I don't mind people being immature either... I'm only 15, being immature is fun sometimes.

Sorry for not getting to the most recent chapters right away- I've been busy with school work and stuff. I didn't find any errors in chapter two, but one in chapter three so:

and family were are cruel to him

Choose one or the other, but “were are” doesn’t make any sense. Maybe are is actually all?

Also, it's not a huge thing but how you change PoV kinda takes away from flow a little. Simply doing a little line between different speakers will normally do the trick. You don't even have to say who's speaking either, if you do a good job on the chapters then simply what you write should be enough to tell us who's speaking. The same thing for flow also applies to the part where you said "much farther away." It really wasn't even neccesary.

Anyways, good job on the recent chapters. I'm looking forward to seeing more.


Well-Known Member
It's alright Kaizer ^^

I never really plan my fics out, ever, I just come up with ideas at put them into writing. I read a ton of books (about two short books or one long one a day) each day, so I can conjure ideas from there. Or I'm talking to my load of friends and get a fic idea. Or something else. So, even I usually don't know how the chapters would turn out.

EDIT: I'll fix the one error. Didn't pay attention. XD