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Zack's intense Adventures

I

Imperial Flygon

My asparagus Burns!!
since i am new to serebii i thought i start making comic strips.

Here it is:
compriev8vc.png

Character Prologue
Chap1:Begining
Adventure begin's Redone
Into the Ship
Meeting Sally
 
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J

jellsprout

Well-Known Member
Many grammar mistakes.
You use capitals at the start of a sentence and with names, not at the start of each line or with random words.
Example: In the last panel on the second line, it's "Everybody", not "Every Body".
You also made some other grammar mistakes, like you said "I goin to bed" instead of "I'm going to bed".
In some panels the speechbubbles are weirdly placed, like in the second panel.
The resize in the last panel in the second line is done very bad.
"There" means pointing to a location, like "Go there!", "Their" means that they have something, like "Their muffins" and "They're" means "They are", like "They're male".

I like that you use a new self-made region. Just don't turn this into a journey comic. Use an original plot.
 
J

Jetx

hooray, it's Jetx!
It's okay, but here and there you make spelling and grammar mistakes, and recolouring fr/lg main character sprites is never a good idea... And when the teacher is flat it looks horrible, apart from that though, I can see it getting pretty good and you doo show a bit of skill, but you just need to get a bit mre skill...
 
L

~Lucario Master~

Well-Known Member
I Think this comic is pretty good cause i like it when people make up there own region to journey in
 
I

Imperial Flygon

My asparagus Burns!!
Here is my 3rd comic. Please tip again.

Meeting Sally


Many grammar mistakes.
You use capitals at the start of a sentence and with names, not at the start of each line or with random words.
Example: In the last panel on the second line, it's "Everybody", not "Every Body".
You also made some other grammar mistakes, like you said "I goin to bed" instead of "I'm going to bed".
In some panels the speechbubbles are weirdly placed, like in the second panel.
The resize in the last panel in the second line is done very bad.
"There" means pointing to a location, like "Go there!", "Their" means that they have something, like "Their muffins" and "They're" means "They are", like "They're male".

I like that you use a new self-made region. Just don't turn this into a journey comic. Use an original plot.
Click to expand...

sorry but that was my plan on how the sttory was gonna go and yah i tried making it good and it will get funnieir and better graphical on the way like your comic.
 
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D

.Dan.S.2006.

Guest
Let me just say this: A lot more work is needed.

This is not a flame post, it is to get you to understand how to make a successful comic.

Mistakes

- Plenty of grammar and spelling mistakes. For instance using words in the wrong context. 'Were' instead of 'where' etc. Correct them.

- Recolouring overworld sprites etc (and doing a poor job of it) is not a very good idea, it shows you have put no real effort into it.

- Your stretching is odd and doesn't work well.

- It is rushed, take time over things, don't just try the first thing that comes into your head.

- The story is bland, un-original and poorly thought out.

You need a lot more work on this, perhaps make the reverse of everything I just posted and this may turn into something good. I am sorry but I cannot praise this, but I can help you to improve.

ZT Rating: 38%
 
P

pikachu_rocks19

Guest
I like, it like the other ppl said spelling mistakes. KEEP IT UP!
 
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