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Element

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You are a child. It’s just another average day in the public school system. You meet with your friends at the bus stop, talk about a new cartoon, or who won the football game. Try to catch a few Z’s on the bus, go in the school and take that math test you studied hours for last night. Give your book report on Oliver Twist. You go to the lunch room and at the moment, the most important decision you have to make is to have french fries or tater tots. And that’s when the comet hits. Most kids would cower in fear, but you and about 20 others do not heed the warnings of your classmates and set out to investigate. The comet has landed in front of the middle school, attracting students of all ages from the elementary and high schools as well. Firemen and concerned teachers are trying to lure you away from this mysterious black and red comet, but it seems to be pulling you…you can’t turn away. You are among the outer ring of students trying to pull away from the rock, and you are just about to run away to the “safety” of the school, when you hear a crack. Little black demons begin to crawl out of the comet by the thousands and strange red ooze sprays out and gets on some kids. It’s on your hands, another boys legs, a girls head, the sky is black and it’s the picture of chaos. That’s when you black out.

When you wake up, you realize, you’ve woken up! You didn’t die after all! The demons aren’t too bright, they assumed you were dead, and moved on with the raid. It’s quiet now but the demons certainly left their mark. It looks like something out of a dooms day novel, and for all you know, it might as well be. A demon scout is searching for survivors, he spots you and is running at you at top speed, instinctively you hold out your hands to protect yourself. He runs into you- and is knocked back by an unknown force. But… that unknown force… was you.

OK, so the name of the rp is element, that means your character is a kid or teen that controls an element given to you by that red ooze. There can be doubles of an element, but no more than 2 of a kind please. If two or more characters would like to be siblings or have a pre-existing friendship that would be great! You also get to choose an animal (real or mythical) that will be your guardian. Your guardian will appear to you in times of need and MUST BE RELEVANT TO YOUR ELMENT. So if your element is fire- don’t choose a fish. You can be age 10-22 and the setting is kind of in the future, but not really. There are some advances in technology like personal spacecrafts and video watches and stuff. But for the most part it’s pretty modern. You can have one of these elements-
FIRE
WATER
GRASS
EARTH
PHSYCIC
AIR
LUNAR
SOLAR
TIME
LIGHT (good)
DARK (evil)
You can choose to be evil, but you have to explain why. Any element besides light and dark can be good or evil. This rp does need a chosen one who will be chosen later in the story. And P.S, this is my first RPG so if anyone has any tips or thinks I could improve the story, feel free to say so!

My sign up-
Name: Juli
Gender: Girl
Age: 14
Element: Air
Siblings/Friends with: N/A
Guardian animal: Griffin
Personality: The common sense person of the group, likes tech stuff and working in a team, is very nice and has a good knowledge of how to survive in the wild
Physical description: Small for her age, short brown hair, tan skin
Other: Dad works for the CSI tech department, gives Juli access to the tech

Since the dawn of time, there has been power. And since the dawn of time, there has been resistance. You are about to embark on a fantastic journey through the unknown reaches of existence.
 
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You are a child.

Do you mean "you are a young person below the age of legal maturity" or "you are the descendant of a family". In either case 'child' alone isn't helpful. I have a mother, than makes me her child. I'm 26.

[quoteIt’s just another average day in the public school system. You meet with your friends at the bus stop, talk about a new cartoon, or who won the football game. Try to catch a few Z’s on the bus, go in the school and take that math test you studied hours for last night. Give your book report on Oliver Twist. You go to the lunch room and at the moment, the most important decision you have to make is to have french fries or tater tots.[/quote]

Oh you're a THAT aged child. And American by the sounds of what is on the dinner menu.

And that’s when the comet hits. Most kids would cower in fear, but you and about 20 others do not heed the warnings of your classmates and set out to investigate. The comet has landed in front of the middle school, attracting students of all ages from the elementary and high schools as well.

I imagine the noise that was created by a piece of rock having been travelling at 50 miles an hour suddenly slamming into the earth would be enough to make anyone jump in fright.

Firemen and concerned teachers are trying to lure you away from this mysterious black and red comet, but it seems to be pulling you…you can’t turn away. You are among the outer ring of students trying to pull away from the rock, and you are just about to run away to the “safety” of the school, when you hear a crack. Little black demons begin to crawl out of the comet by the thousands and strange red ooze sprays out and gets on some kids. It’s on your hands, another boys legs, a girls head, the sky is black and it’s the picture of chaos. That’s when you black out.

What do these little black demons look like? Demon is a pretty vague description. And what was everyone else doing when this happened? Standing by watching I assume? I also imagine firemen and teachers would be making a little bit more effort to get you back and 'trying to lure you away'. Such as grabbing you and physically pulling you back.

When you wake up, you realize, you’ve woken up! You didn’t die after all!

Yes funny how that works. Waking up not dead.

The demons aren’t too bright, they assumed you were dead, and moved on with the raid. It’s quiet now but the demons certainly left their mark. It looks like something out of a dooms day novel, and for all you know, it might as well be. A demon scout is searching for survivors, he spots you and is running at you at top speed, instinctively you hold out your hands to protect yourself. He runs into you- and is knocked back by an unknown force. But… that unknown force… was you.

Wait what? You black out for a short amount of time and suddenly it's doomsday? Do you mean nuclear winter doomsday, biblical end of days, meteorological catastrophe? There are a lot of doomsday scenarios, you need to be a little more creative.

OK, so the name of the rp is element, that means your character is a kid or teen that controls an element given to you by that red ooze. There can be doubles of an element, but no more than 2 of a kind please. If two or more characters would like to be siblings or have a pre-existing friendship that would be great! You also get to choose an animal (real or mythical) that will be your guardian. Your guardian will appear to you in times of need and MUST BE RELEVANT TO YOUR ELMENT. So if your element is fire- don’t choose a fish.

Why is there an animal? Will it have an important role to play, or is it just 'cool'? There's nothing in the plot to give any reason towards there being an animal, and especially for mythical ones to suddenly come to life.

You can be age 10-22 and the setting is kind of in the future, but not really. There are some advances in technology like personal spacecrafts and video watches and stuff. But for the most part it’s pretty modern.

How many times can you contradict yourself? Kind of in the future but not really? Personal spacecraft but mostly pretty modern? Personal Spacecraft!? What YEAR is it. That gives people an idea of the how far into the future it is, and with that little bonus, I'd say it's 2200.

FIRE
WATER
GRASS
EARTH
PHSYCIC
AIR
LUNAR
SOLAR
TIME
LIGHT (good)
DARK (evil)
You can choose to be evil, but you have to explain why. Any element besides light and dark can be good or evil. This rp does need a chosen one who will be chosen later in the story.

Why is Light good and Dark evil? Why can't Air be good and Fire be evil? How is Solar different from Fire, Light and Grass? How can Psychic be an element? It looks like you've just picked a random bunch of 'types' from a variety of RPGs and called them 'elements'.

And P.S, this is my first RPG so if anyone has any tips or thinks I could improve the story, feel free to say so!

The RPG Rules?

My sign up-
Name: Juli
Gender: Girl
Age: 14
Element: Air
Siblings/Friends with: N/A
Guardian animal: Griffin
Personality: The common sense person of the group, likes tech stuff and working in a team, is very nice and has a good knowledge of hoe to survive in the wild
Physical description: Small for her age, short brown hair, tan skin

So she's a three foot tall, naked girl?

Other: Dad works for the CSI tech department, gives Juli access to the tech

There are PERSONAL SPACECRAFT are CSI's really needed anymore? Sounds like an obvious case of "my character needs to be able to get her hands on awesome useful stuff all the time, so i'll make a completely random link".

Since the dawn of time, there has been power. And since the dawn of time, there has been resistance. You are about to embark on a fantastic journey through the unknown reaches of existence.[/quote]

Nope, you're going to go read the RPG Rules and try again, this time perhaps posting in the correct place too. There are just too many cliches and obvious gaps in the plot for this to be allowed to stay open. Not to mention it's breaking a ton of length rules.
 
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