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Shadow Deoxys

B

Blazen64

Member
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What.... The... ****.
Why? What did we ever do to you? Jesus Christ; get out of the comic forum. Get the hell out of the comic forum, and read some tutorials, for the love of god. This.... this... Christ, I'm speechless. I don't know what to say. It's awful on every level. Immature language, plot (I THINK there's a plot), overused plot line, it's a sprite comic, it doesn't make any sense.
*grabs a pitchfork* I'm giving you a 10 second headstart, boy.
 
I'll be honest, as I am to all artists.
Bad:
I didn't know what was happening at all. It started out with a bunch of white scribbles on md sprites, then went to everybody going ???. It seems random due to the presentation. It kept teleported from scene to scene without transitions or explainations. I would give something constructive, but this isn't understandable.
Good: You used the sprites well(they were transperified). Text bubbles=good. You saved as png which boosts your grade from a 4/10 to 6/10.
It's good for your first comic. It would be fine if it made sense.
 
im scared...ok what is the plot,who is the main chara and next time at least try to mke your comics make sence !!!!;197;
 
I'm making a prolauge,the white scribbles are Teleport;292; Okay it does suck,The main character is Mud(me)And team PikaMud
 
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hmm i think i see a plot...with the whole deoxys and the army..trying to get rid of the rescue team...??? maybe you should make these things a litle more clear next time and maybe not so much jumping around from place to place so it makes a bit more sense =)
 
Too much weird stuff, Don't know what's going on, I sugest you read mny other comics and go to the comic academy to get a teacher.
 
what the hell is that. ok... so it's your first comic... but i have a few questions...
1. what is the plot?!?
2. why are the pokemon fighting to start with?
3. why does treecko say "i'm a girl" in the third frame?
4. and why is the last frame some random sleezy pokemon bar with whiscash getting wasted on pokéjuice or whatever it was?!
 
umm, ok, i kinda get it... its kinda bad but not ALL of it.
BIG TIP: !!!! try to stick to one or two characters and dont have a million stories going on at one time. its ONE comic wiht ONE plot, its either taking over the world, savin' the money, or being lost in a world of colours....CHOOSE ONE! hope that helped...
 
Okay, firstly there is NO plot whatsoever. It's just a bunch of random stuff. Second, even though it's not really about the comic, you didn't organise your first post at ALL. You should check spelling too. Clean it up a bit. Maybe something like this:

Prologue
Comic 1-The Battle

Character Bios

Fix it up a bit.
 
i think you need to get a story going quickly or its gonna all fall in on itself and be a laughing stock but i do see potential
 
Too late. I was already giggling as I read it.

I have to point out one more problem: The speech balloons are all out of order. You want to go from left to right, top to bottom. you can't expect your reader to already know what order they'll be in.

As I continue to look at #1, I think the fog is beginning to clear. Here's what happens: Blaziken sets everything on fire, and Meditite teleports everybody but the folks in Panel 2 away. (The gray jaw-like thing on Panel 1 is Meditite.) The guys who were teleported away appeared in front of a store (Panel 3). Meanwhile, a bunch of random Pokémon are trapped in a color vortex. It was part of Deoxys' plan with Mewtwo (Panel 5).

Meanwhile (again), Charizard, Swampert, and Raichu walk into a building and devolve as they walk in (Panel 7). Alakazam, Hypno, and Erureido are under mind control and have done something funny with the space in the storeroom (which is why there's a ton of random items in Panel 7). Back to the first story, Blaziken and Meditite have drugged Whiscash up.

So basically, there IS a story taking place. It's just being told WAY too quickly with no transitions.
 
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Blazen64 said:
I don't know how to do that:(
Click to expand...

If you do post reply there is a button to help. The button with the world and what looks like a paper clip. You copy the link, click on it, paste the link in and press OK. After there will be a highlighted part, replace that with the text.
 
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