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Finality

Lily

you were the one.
Blah. Submitting this one-shot to Sandra's Myths and Legends contest [http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=156770], only reason why I'm reposting this.

So no reviews are really necessary; I'd rather not have them this time, as this work brings back painful memories..'though I did edit it this time, and drastically cut down on the jargon and the incomprehensible mess of words..still, painful memories. *nods* Still, if you can help me improve, that'd be awesome. o.o








Finality







"We're all going to die."

The spoken words came out carefully, slowly, almost deliberately out of the little boy's mouth. I stared at him, bewildered at the uncannily grim message; I was even more confused at the way he blatantly spread the word to random strangers again and again, although they did not pay much notice. But I did. Something about this boy unnerved me. Was it the pessimism or did I suspect this was part of some mischief he was up to? Frowning, I walked up to the boy, tapping him on the shoulder, interrupting him in the middle of his repetition.

"Now you know spreading lies isn't the best thing to do, right?" I asked gently. He turned around and faced me long and hard with fiercely penetrating blue eyes, glimmering with indignance and defiance. I was caught, completely mesmerized and taken by his reaction. He shook his head.

“We’re going to die. This is Mew’s warning,” he breathed and nodded. “And you can’t ignore a warning. So I’m reminding them.”

The city around us never seemed more insignificant. I stared at his darkly serious face, lost. This kid was serious, and he couldn’t have been more than four feet in height.

“Mew’s warning? I never heard of that, and shouldn’t you be going home by now?” I inquired, hoping to change the subject. Unfortunately, he never answered my question and continued in that bitter, steady voice, clenching his small fists.

"Mew's warning the humans, because Ho-oh isn't happy with the world. Things changed. Too many of them. So I'm reminding them. We're all going to die when the sun sets." He said it with forced simplicity. I could've sworn he had shed a few tears before inadvertently avoiding my eyes. Why did he inflict sorrow on himself, and why did he allow himself to be affected by such false pretense? I sighed heavily.

"Sure, kid. You may be angry with society or something, and I know we're not the picture perfect race...but Ho-oh isn't mad, and we're not going to die, okay?" I asked with such fake optimism, I nearly doubted myself for a second. I thought it had worked, too, when the boy let out a high-pitched, lyrical laugh. It was the most magnificent thing I had ever heard--a harmonic rapture coming from that one voice. However, I was the only one who noticed it besides hundreds of people rushing past us.

"How would you know?" he demanded. "You're a mere human, a mere creature thought to be dominant over all. You think you know everything; you think you're always right! Well, you're wrong." His voice had suddenly dropped to a darker degree, face glowering with frustration. "Why can't you understand? Mew's warning people. Mew's really trying! But no one listens. That's the world." He calmed down, and smiled gently, almost sadly. "And you can't change that."

I was speechless. What kind of child was this? His voice and words swayed me, drumming deep within my heart with an increasingly harder pressure. Was I being too naïve or simply thinking too much?

“And how do you know this?” I asked skeptically, narrowing my eyes. He regarded me coolly.

“I know. And you would do well to believe my words," he said in an eerily calm voice. A part of me wanted to accept this, and another wanted to excuse this as a silly notion. I thought fast; it couldn't possible be true! It couldn't be. I was being gullible and I was letting a child influence my view.

“Even if it were to be true, what do you expect me to do?” There. A perfect question that would surely throw him off? To my surprise, it did no such thing. Instead, his sad blue eyes stared at me momentarily, before whispering words that froze my heart altogether.

“I thought I should hand you the knowledge.”

I searched for words, but none came. He sounded depressed, almost relieved. I watched him stare at the slowly setting sun. I could see it was about to descend and disappear from our view soon. The sunset was coming, but what was I anxious of? Why was I afraid? The fear of the knowledge of death? Ridiculous.

"The knowledge. Yeah, right, kid. Whatever you say," I murmured, my throat finally opening up. His replies disconcerted me completely. Something about the conversation and the boy was abnormal. I could clearly see that.

Squinting, I stared up at the horizon, watching the city get doused in sunlight one last time, bricks reflected beautifully with shining gold. The sun was steadily going down as I thought carefully, considering the events. The facts came flooding back to me, as I tried to remember our past dialogues verbatim, trying to reenact his peculiar actions. Of course he wasn't from around here, but to put everything together!...It was terribly difficult, but my breath nearly froze after I recovered one very important detail.

His blue eyes.

I thought carefully, and then scraped up his words--words that could have meant so many things, words I had taken for lies. But were they? And then I heard his laughter, but it wasn't ridiculing or mocking; it was a melodic song, high-pitched and perfect in length. My hands shook.

Mew’s warning people.

My feet automatically pivoted around, eyes scanning the large crowd. But he had disappeared without my consent. My yell for him did not travel very far, so I did what any sensible person would've done. I pushed and shoved the people aside, aimlessly weaving through the crowd, and ran as fast as I could.

Mew’s really trying.

KID!” I screamed, searching for that tiny boy who had told me such incredulous, unbelievable things.

But no one listens.

My voice got easily drowned out, and my body was swept up by the current of people. I harshly collided with one of the brick walls of a random building after not focusing on my direction, next to an alley. It was then I saw him, a flash of color before it disappeared through the alley, darkness engulfing his figure. My heart skipped a beat and I forced myself to pick up the pace. Just through that alley. Just in that alley. I prayed silently, everything going by so slowly.

That’s the world.

I stopped, petrified. The kid wasn’t there, and the last I saw was the faint shimmer of pink before it darted out towards the sky. And just before the eluding color left, I could have sworn my eyes caught a pair of brilliant blue eyes staring at me momentarily--slowly, observing me--before they too disappeared, and everything was peaceful once more, silence blessing the vibrating area. My mouth could produce no sound. Nothing could for a while.

And you can’t change that.

Mew.

That one word rang repeatedly through my mind. The sun was almost down, and the colors were beautiful, triggering none of my feelings. It was a lovely sunset. If one squinted their eyes at that exact moment, they would have seen the familiar silhouette of a phoenix flying by quickly. But it seemed slower to me. Perhaps even slower than time itself, but I doubted it. I watched it fly with ease, dipping its wings into the flickering flames before disappearing. It would come back.

Humanity. What a foreign word.

I leaned against the alley casually, waiting.
 

icemew

Banned
Wow, that was just awesome, really deep. And eerie...

Why do you have painful memories over this? This is an incredible one-shot, and the writing is beautiful!
 

Lily

you were the one.
^ That is a lie! >_> But thanks nonetheless. =P

Painful memories 'cause I sucked *so* much at this story two years ago...;_; sigh.
 

Weaver

Just a 90's Blue.
If you were going for the aftershock sort of "eerie" feeling left within us at the end, then you succeeded. That was pretty killer. It was obvious from the start that the kid was Mew (I'm just glad that you didn't give him pink hair), but it was still awesome. I liked your character, too. It was interesting how he listened to Mew, and then pieced it all together. That's the kind of ending I'd like to see in a full-length fan fiction; something that completely shocks you. This was a One Shot, and it still left me with that feeling. Even though I figured it out from the start, the end result just left me disturbed, in a good way.

It was a bit simple, but very good. Does every One Shot concern legendaries? I'd like to see one that steers clear of that path...though, I must admit: these kind of One Shots are sometimes incredible, and this one is no different.

I don't know what competition you're up against, but I wish you luck. I was impressed. (Oh, and, based on your comments about how horrible it was, if this story isn't a huge difference from when you first created it, I'm going to go crawl in my cave and hide.)

I leaned against the alley casually, waiting.

Heh, heh, awesome. Now that's a good way of going down.
 

Lily

you were the one.
I haven't seen you around before..:eek:..!

Did it honestly succeed? After having revised and reading this story for a terribly long time, I was afraid it'd get ...bland... I'm pretty sure it is to those who had read it before..xD; But I'm glad it made that impression on you!

It IS a huge difference..I think. My old one might have made a stronger impact, but it was simply too verbose and..the structure was horrible, now that I read it over. So I simplified it greatly, and still hoped to retain the concept.

And no, not all one shots include legendaries.

Thanks for the comment.
 

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
Omg, Lileh. D:

Mmm, I do remember the original. I don't recall the exact structure, so I can't give an accurate impression of the change, but I do like how you've simplified it.

Was I being too naïve or simply thinking too much?

That has to be one of my favorite lines, I think, because it made me stop and think, which is good, because I'm a speed reader. ^^ I think, unconsciously, the original one-shot sort of left an impression on me, because I'm using Ho-oh to destroy civillization in my story too...<<;; and this one's still leaving that feeling of stupefied awe--boom, it's come and gone, but still powerful.

Nice work, nice work. Consider yourself redeemed. >:3
 

Lily

you were the one.
*is redeemed* The original structure was a nightmare. oo;

Heh. Thanks, Scrap! ^_^
 
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