Mouse Tourmaline
Lost Cause Defender
Keyo (LONG one-shot, complete)
A/N: Wow. This has to be the longest story I've written that didn't come in chapters. Be warned, this is a *marathon* story. If you read all of this, you deserve a medal.
Just a story based on a random inspiration I had-- I've never considered writing about this species before, but I thought they were one of several whose uniqueness hasn't ever been fully explored.
I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but college has been getting in the way.
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Kani is four years old. But Suka is thirty years. Therefore, we are thirty years old.
The herd grazes on the long, soft grass that we find in this forest. Sunlight plays over us. We are happy, feeling the warmth of the sunshine, tasting the sweetness of the grass.
Kani cannot remember being here before. But Suka has been here many times. So, the pleasure is both new and familiar to us. Is there any more joyful way of experiencing life?
Kanisuka! Come over here! Someone is calling to us. Father. Mate. Keyo, our love. Sarun. We follow his trusted voice to where a clump of white flowers is in bloom. Suka takes a taste. Kani takes a taste. The flowers are good to eat, sweeter than grass and smooth against our tongues.
Safety. Warmth. Love. That is Kani's happiness, mingling with Suka's joy at these familiar places, these loved ones around us. And something else, something that is not quite understood.
Sarun strokes our body with a gentle touch. I always knew it was meant to be this way, he tells us. I love you, Kanisuka.
We love you too, Sarun.
We were meant to be here, on this perfect day, brought here by destiny and the kanas'ai, the Child of the Heavens who sees all things. Suka knows that, so Kanisuka knows it, without the need for explanation. Today is our day.
Kani. In our language it means sky, the endless blue beyond the leaves of the trees.
Suka. In our language it means happiness.
This place, this time, is who we are. Kanisuka. Happiness beneath the sky.
It's a memory that we already know we will treasure forever.
*
Kani is eight years old, barely. Suka is thirty-three, almost thirty-four.
Four summers have come and gone since that perfect day among the white flowers. Every year, we return to that golden place in the forest, to eat the green grass and be with our fathermate Sarun. Then the leaves begin to fall, copper-crisp, and winter begins. There is no reason why this year should be any different.
Yet something is wrong. The strangeness of its new feelings flows through our being, unfamiliar, wrong beyond reason, and it is this:
Our Suka-mind knows something, and Suka alone knows it.
Two seasons ago, one night beneath the moonlit trees, while Kani slept, Suka did not sleep. We know this, even if it isn't understood. But that was where it began, this strange secrecy, this break for which there is no name.
Our Suka-mind knows, Suka holds, what happened when Kani was sleeping. And for some reason, that knowledge is filled with mingled emotions. Excitement. Sadness. Anxiousness. Joy. We feel them without being sure why.
No longer are we certain. Still, time passes. The snowflakes fall without anyone being able to stop them.
Suka. The feeling that was once ours to keep. Now it seems elusive as a single flake of snow. Kani, the strangely darkened sky.
This is us, fractured but yet one, Kanisuka.
Where are the words for what we are feeling?
*
Time passes, as it always has. Kani is eight years old, still, but Suka is thirty-four.
Spring has come again, mint-green on the bare branches of winter. We will leave our resting-home and travel through the forest to Sarun's bright sanctuary.
Without knowing why, we feel sadness, a sense of loss. The return of springtime should be met with joy and laughter, but today there is a new emotion, stronger than sadness. It has to do with the secret, the knowledge our Suka-mind keeps.
Morning light shines down on us, and we walk to the stream near the cave that was our resting-home. Suka drinks. Kani drinks.
Then we speak. Why do we speak? There is no-one there to hear. And yet, we speak.
I... love you, my daughter.
Our Suka-arms hold Kani tightly, as if to keep us from harm. One touch closes our Kani-eyes. Then the gentle arms lift higher, still holding onto Kani. What is happening? Is there some reason why we feel bound to cause ourselves pain?
Higher--
The touch of cold air. A frightened cry. Wanting. Wanting ourselves, and not being there for ourselves, not any more.
Kanisuka!
The cry only echoes what is wrong, as we call for our self, our other self. And in a moment, it is done.
Kani.
Suka.
I open my eyes, staring at the unfamiliar-yet-familiar figure in front of us. In front of me.
Suka. Her name is Suka. I know her gentle eyes, the eyes I looked up at, our eyes. I was a part of her, no, a part of us. I still cannot comprehend the change.
Little daughter. Are you all right?
And I know that she speaks aloud to me, because I cannot hear her feelings any more.
We have felt sadness before, and bereavement. When Sarun's father left this life, we felt grief with him, and the pain of his loss, and wished that the Child of the Heavens would take care of the one we had lost. But this is more than sadness.
Little daughter, please try to understand... This is what must always be done. In a few months, I will no longer be able to carry you. There will be another…
Suka. Her happiness has faded. My mother-self, now as distant from me as the stars.
Kani. From the sky falls a gentle mist of spring rain, soft as a dream. But I cannot feel it with Suka's love of past memories. As each moment passes, I am losing all recollection of the past, the way it was. We have parted, Suka and I, her memories and mine.
The solitude is painful. And I know I will never be the same again.
*
I am thirteen years old, almost fourteen.
My mother's heart no longer beats alone. Mine is still a single rhythm, marking my loneliness on dark nights, just as my thoughts are a single thread, clear as a flowing stream in my mind.
His name is Garo. The word means gift in our language, and truly, to Sarun he is a gift. I watch my father's pride as he touches Garosuka, my mother-brother, our love. Garosuka. A gift of happiness, her—no, their return to the joy we once felt, back then when we were one.
The summer is gone, and soon we have to part. I will go with Garosuka back to the resting-home at the foot of the mountains, and Sarun will leave us once again. He is old enough to feed himself and stay warm, so he has no reason to stay with my mother-brother and with me, while we shelter out the winter.
I wish he would stay. I would feel better if we could be together, sharing as much love as we hold in our hearts.
There is one other youngling of my age in the herd. Arane is his name. In our language, it means rainstorm. For a while, I thought I could seek comfort with him, that he must understand what I was feeling. But he is different, beyond imagining.
When Sarun talks of Arane, he shakes his head and says the word loner. Loner. I have been told the meaning, but it is a meaningless word to me. How could anyone wish to be on their own, away from the love and life of their family, their herd? To leave Garosuka and my companions, for even a moment, feels desperately lonely, and I dash towards them again in search of a comfort I can never completely find.
Sarun does not seem to feel this sense of loneliness, this solitude. Even I do not really understand it.
Kani, gather some of the white flowers, Garosuka tells me. We'll take them back to the resting-home with us, to feed our family for a while. They'll make a change from copper-leaves, at least until the cold weather sets in.
The sweet scent of the white flowers almost overpowers me as I gather them. My claws are too heavy for the delicate petals, and I feel them being crushed one by one. But to do a task like this for the others brings me a happiness I can't explain, seems to soothe my loneliness.
Hurry, Kani. We can hear a rumbling. There must be a storm coming.
I hear it too. Then, to my surprise, the flower stems in front of me begin to tremble.
Sarun? Garosuka? What is this?
Then the sound of hooves echoes over the forest.
There are Tauros, a legion of Tauros, running towards us. Far more in number than our small herd, they aren't stopping even as they come to the edge of the clearing.
Arane's sister, a child of nine years old, is playing amongst the reddening leaves. He snatches her up and begins to run. As though they were only waiting for him to move first, the others break into a dash, running from the Tauros as fast as they can.
Kani, follow the herd! Run, sister-daughter! Garosuka's call is shrill and panicked. I follow her as fast as I am able, but I am still bringing up the tail of the fleeing herd.
A hoof strikes my leg, and I try to keep running through the pain. I am falling behind Garosuka and Sarun, but I do not call out. To look for me would slow them down, Suka my mother-once-my-self, Garo my precious brother who brings my parents such happiness. Another hoof brings me down, and it's all I can do to pull myself out of the path of the raging Tauros.
The pain is too fierce. I cannot stay in the light, in the world of the sky and white flowers.
More than ever, I am alone.
*
Who am I? What is this mind that is asking?
Kani. My name is Kani. The thought drifts into my mind like a single leaf floating on a dark lake.
I don't know where I am, or why. But I hear sounds: the call of a species not my own. Although the words are not like mine, I understand the vague sense of them, and I realise what creature this must be: the only one who can speak to every race of our world, and be understood, save for the Kanas'ai. I have heard tales of them before, but nothing more: how they are almost defenceless by nature, yet hold all the power in the world.
"She seems healthy enough, Warden. Is it normal for her to be… you know… on her own? Shouldn't she…"
"Don't worry." This voice is somehow kind. I can't understand the individual words, but I hear reassurance, and that he knows about me. "This young one is still a child, Terri. I don't know why she was away from her herd, but she would have been looked after by her mother at this age."
"It's a pity we can't trace which group she came from…" The first voice is worried, but gentle. "Still, she doesn't seem like she'd attack a trainer. She's been conscious for a few hours now, and she hasn't hurt us."
"That could just be the effect of the tranquiliser wearing off. We can never be sure, Terri."
I open my eyes, and feel a strange shock.
The sky, my namesake, is gone. Where the sky should be is merely a featureless white, like a slope covered in snow. Then I realise. I am looking at the roof of a white shelter-cave.
The female touches me gently, her hand running over my skin. "Oh, my love. You can hear me, can't you? It's all right. You're safe here."
I trust her. In her quiet caring she reminds me of myself, of Arane and his little sister. Oh, to be home!
"Now, now. We can't let you get up yet. That leg is still mending."
I feel the pain, and manage to link it to his words. I am hurt? Oh yes, the Tauros herd.
"Warden, what will we do if we can't find where to take her?" The female is anxious. "Will she be all right?"
"I'll find a place for her if her herd isn't found," he tells her. "Don't worry. Some trainer will love her."
Love?
The word seems alien, when I am separated from all my loved ones. Without them, how can there be love here?
No sky. No herd. No flowers.
These, I can understand. I am inside a cave, where there is no sky above my head, where stone walls keep out any others, where there is no rain nor sunshine for flowers to grow.
But without love, how can one live?
The pain is becoming too much to bear, again. I fall back and let them attend to me, letting the worries and confusion become part of the background.
It will make sense, I'm sure, when I wake.
*
If the turning of the seasons is to be believed here, where winter is warmer and snow does not seem to fall, I am fifteen years old.
I can almost pronounce the name of this place, where after so long in the white cave I can finally see the sky. Sa'hari, it would be called. Something of that kind. The name of my rescuer, who I still see occasionally… Keri? I know that is not right, but it is as close as I can manage.
Sa'hari is a strange place. There is grass, there are trees, and the sky above is as blue as it was back home. But there are also boundaries that I cannot cross, and strange, unreal-looking sources of food to be found on long upright branches. The Doduo that showed me these feeding-places could teach me how to pick the food, piece by piece, but it could not tell me the source of these smooth, twigless branches or the flat, colourful blocks that tasted so appealing.
And there are no others of my kind to talk to. That is the worst thing. I feel completely alone, as though I were a Doduo who had lost one of its heads. Keri comes to see me, but she is not family. She is a creature of a different species, as alien to me as the Doduo was.
Still, Sa'hari is my home now, lonely though it is. If I must, I will live here on my own, even if it hurts with every passing day. I remember Garosuka, Sarun, Arane, keyo’ni, my loves.
Creatures are brought here every day, of many species. Birds, half-plants, fishes, furry creatures. What is the word Keri uses for them? No, I can’t even begin to pronounce it. There are pure-plants too, for me to eat, almost the same as the ones I had in the forest. They aren’t quite the same, though. The bushes are stunted, the berries a different shade. I nibble them anyway. A girl has to eat, after all.
I spent my fourteenth birthday in the white cave. I spent my fifteenth here, as I will my sixteenth, if nothing happens to change that. If someone had told me two years ago what my destiny was to be, I would have prayed to the Child of the Heavens to keep me away from here. But Sa’hari, for all its strangeness, is a safe place. My leg has healed here, without anything to fear from wild creatures or hostile landscapes. For that, I’m grateful.
But now, I long to be free.
I hear the wheels of a human-device, and the ringing of its bell. It must be Keri, bringing some new creature to Sa’hari’s forest fields. I step out from the cover of the trees, interested to see what she has brought this time. Last time it was a little dragon, which wriggled in her arms. She lowered it into the water, where it disappeared from sight.
Ke-
But my greeting call dies in my throat. This is not Keri.
A human youngling swings himself down from the device he has been riding—I never did learn the name for them. Catching sight of me, he moves more hesitantly. Close. Closer.
“Good girl, good girl, that’s a good girl…”
He croons in the way that Sarun used to, when I was a child and unwilling to do something for him. Next moment, one of the coloured food-blocks lands at my feet.
Close. Closer.
The smell is too enticing to resist. I eat.
Too late I notice the glow of rainbow light that reaches out to encircle me, blues and greens sparkling around my body. Like a spell of the Ancients, it wraps me up, lifts me off the ground.
Sa’hari with its trees and grasses vanishes before my eyes, becoming a tiny circle and then nothing at all. The last thing I hear is his voice, oddly glad with the disappearance of my world.
“Good girl.”
*
I am eighteen years old.
It has been three years since Haari, for that is the sense I can make of his name, took me away from Sa’hari in his light-globe. Since then, I have become used to living in a permanent soft glow, where there is neither day nor night, summer nor winter. But I still love the feel of the outside world, the sunlight and the rainfall, the wind in the grass that blows over my skin.
Haari called me something unpronounceable when we first met. I set him right, I had to, saying Kani! Kani! so many times that he came to recognise it. Now he calls me out of my light-globe often, when he needs me to protect him from the attacks of wild creatures. He has taught me how to fight them off, dealing blow after blow to keep him safe from them.
My heart is not in it. Haari is kind, but he seems to put himself in too much danger for a youngling. I wonder where his parents are, and how they lost him. Perhaps he, too, is a stray like me.
When I am not out in the world with Haari, I lie inside the same rainbow glow that took me from Sa’hari. It is not an uncomfortable place. My own reflection shines softly from within the light. I sleep, I wake. I wait. I wait for Haari. My only companion.
In essence, nothing has changed. I still have a fortunate life. It is the solitude that is killing me.
A shaft of real daylight pierces the mists. It is time to make my way into the world.
"Kani! Come out!"
Haari! I call out, so he'll know I'm here. I'm ready! What do you want?
Another human is facing us. I think this one is female: after a few years, I've learnt to recognise the distinctions. I've discovered I can talk to them too, not as easily or precisely as with one of my own species, but so that any creature can understand me. It just takes a little patience to learn.
"Blossom! I choose you!"
A creature appears before me: a half-plant this time, one of the ones with red petals and a high-pitched voice. It regards me curiously for a moment.
We are to fight? it asks, in a voice like the tinkling of raindrops on leaves. I nod in response.
Despite appearances, the fights are not brutal. The aim is to force your opponent, not into pain, but submission, more like the play-fights Arane and his sister used to share. I have the advantage of both power and swiftness: Haari has taught me well. Darting forward, I knock the half-plant from its feet, sending it sprawling on the grass.
"That's it, Kani! Come on!"
A simple claw-slash forces the half-plant further back. This will not take much longer.
Suddenly, a pink mist rises from my opponent's petals. I try to ignore it, concentrating on my attack, but the scent brushes against me. It's the smell of soft flowers, pure and white, like the ones that grew in the summer forest.
When the barrage of spiny leaves flies forward to embed itself in my skin, I barely even notice.
*
"Kani."
It's the voice of a human, not Haari's. I open my eyes, and find myself looking at a female, older than Haari or the girl with the half-plant, but still young by her species' terms. Her mane is a light, pinkish red, and in her patient eyes I can see soft kindness of the sort not often shown to strangers.
"You're awake." She smiles brightly. Her smile is like a child's. "Your trainer Harry told me all about you. You should be all right now."
I focus. I'm lying in a white cave, like the one I lived in before I came to Sa'hari. Bright light shines on me, and I feel numb, as though I've been walking in the snow.
"Harry Donnagon? Your Pokémon is fully healed. You can come in now."
"Hey there, Kani." Haari comes to my side, talking softly. "You feeling better?"
Out of nowhere, a tear slides down my cheek. Their kindness, the sweet scent of the petals. In three years, I have tried not to think about what I have lost. But sometimes, it is too much.
"Hey now. If you have to cry, then cry." He is much smaller and more slender than me, but he wraps his arms around me as best he can.
I wipe away my tear, looking down at him. Having someone so close… there is something special about it, something that feels right. Almost like having a loved one near to me.
Haari, keyo, take care of me, I tell him, though I know he doesn't understand. Be with me.
He strokes my skin with his delicate hand, showing he cares for me the way he cares for Donny and Lola and all the others.
I know he will.
*
I am nineteen years old. Haari, he says, is seventeen.
A few weeks ago, he stood on an enormous platform, wearing a bright blue ribbon with a disc that shone gold like the sun. He was proud. I was proud. For a few moments, I didn't feel lonely. I was glad to have helped my Haari, to be part of what he achieved.
Now, he is no longer bright and joyful. He stays in the white caves most of the time, letting me out to eat and to breathe fresh air when he can, talking into a human-device that he holds in his hand.
Haari? I try to communicate with him, even knowing he cannot understand what I say. What is wrong?
Somehow, he seems to grasp my meaning. "Oh, Kani," he sighs, stroking me absently. "My sister. She's sick, and they've had to take her to hospital." He pauses. "You don't know what a hospital is, do you? Anyhow, she's really ill."
Sister. I never had a sister, but I have, I had, Garo. I know the bond between siblings.
Haari, I am so sorry.
"Eh, I wish I knew what you were saying," he says, staring at his feet. "Oh, Kani."
I go out through the mouth—the "door", he calls it—of the cave, and pick a pretty blue flower from the bushes outside. I know humans don't eat flowers, but I bring it to him anyway.
Take.
He holds it, shaking a little of the dew from its petals as he turns it over and over in his hands.
"Kani…"
A shrill ringing breaks the silence. It's that strange, talking device of his, the one with the power to speak as if it were alive.
"Yeah… no, I see… all right."
He holds my home in one cupped hand, lifting it so I can come back. "Kani… we have to go see her. Come on."
*
I am still nineteen years old, as far as I can tell. I thought I was young.
But she… she is six. I can't remember the last time I met such a small one on its own, so vulnerable.
"Ree?" She looks up at me with wondering eyes. I try to be gentle, knowing she might be afraid of my spiky skin, my tall body.
What is your name, little child-of-the-moonlight?
Raira, she tells me, still wide-eyed. My trainer is Rereka. But she's asleep now, in the daytime, in the night-time… and I'm on my own.
I look across to where Haari is sitting. Next to him is a bundle of soft whiteness, like a giant petal, like a cloud. And at its centre, a human is lying. A female.
Is that Rereka?
Yes. I see tears begin to form in Raira's eyes. I love her. That's why I'm here.
Haari is my trainer, I tell her. They're brother and sister. He'll take care of her.
She says nothing, nibbling at a crumb of food held in her tiny, pink paw.
"Kani. Hey there, girl. How're you getting on with my sister's Clefairy?" Haari strokes me. "Well, it looks like 'Becca is going to get well again… they say it'll take a long time before she's allowed on the road, though. Maybe months…" He can't stop the tears he's been hiding behind his smile.
Months? Raira repeats in her own language, disbelieving, unhappy.
But she'll get well! I tell her, trying to make the little one feel better.
I know… She is crying now, and I lift her in my arms. Somehow, it feels the right thing to do.
Miss Kani, I've been here so long. So very long. With no-one here but Rereka, who never wakes up... I wish I could battle. I want to meet other Pokémon, I don't want to be alone! That's all I want! No hospitals! Not even for Rereka…
Haari has gone away now. I hear him talking with other humans, but the words are too far away for me to hear. At last, he returns, at the side of someone I recognise: the white-dressed, pink-maned girl who has so often helped me, when I've been hurt.
"Kani." He looks at me, with something strange in his eyes. "I need to talk to you."
Outside, we sit on the cool grass. I think of Raira, how much she loves the outdoors.
"I know. It's stupid to be talking to a Pokémon." He shrugs. "Kani, you always seem like you understand me. I have to tell you this."
I wait.
"It's Lella. Rebecca's Clefairy, the one you met." He stops. I can tell this is difficult for him. "I've been talking to the hospital's Pokémon nurse. She's a pretty good judge of these things. And she says… she says Lella is going mad."
Mad? I think of her hysterical tears, her babbling voice.
"Some Pokémon… they just can't stand being on their own." He sighed. "That was why she was so glad to see you, Kani. She's so lonely. It's killing her."
She is lonely… poor Raira. I nod in understanding.
"Nurse Joy wants to know if… if I would take Lella on my team. Treat her the way I treat you. So she wouldn't have to be lonely."
Yes, that would be the best thing. She needs someone like you. Really, Haari, you don't have to ask my permission for what's right.
"Looks like you agree." He sighs. "But I already have six Pokémon on my team…"
He counts on his fingers.
"Bubbles was given to me by Officer Jenny. She belonged to some stupid thief, I need to train her so she learns not to steal… Misko was abandoned by her trainer. I can't leave her all on her own. If I let Lola do her own thing she tends to set things on fire… Donny is just a baby, he needs looking after… And Meki, he needs to battle to release his energy or it hurts him…"
Haari looks away for a moment. I wonder what all this has been about, but a cold feeling is already filling my body.
"That just leaves you, Kani."
He is walking now, carrying my light-globe with him. I follow.
"If I were to place you in virtual storage… I would have room to look after Lella. But you wouldn't be able to travel with me any more."
Each word is like a blinding flash.
Not travel. With Haari. Any more.
Alone. Again.
My loneliness for Raira's loneliness.
Is that the only way?
But she is so much younger than me. She is not used to feeling alone.
Haari. Keyo. Beloved one…
I nod, my head bowed. He doesn't know that I feel the pain of loneliness the same way Raira does: he won't feel so guilty. It must be.
Take good care of her, keyo.
And I turn away, so he won't see my tears.
*
He recalled me after that conversation, and I saw he was trying as hard as I was not to cry.
Lying here, as if before another battle, I wonder how long it will be before Haari says goodbye to me, taking Raira for his own.
Only when I try to lean against the wall of my globe-home, and find myself pushing through a shimmering mist, do I realise the truth. He has already gone.
Another creature is sitting a short distance from me, her eyes closed. She seems to be enjoying the peace of this strange, clouded place.
Young one, I call to her, sharp-claw thief-child.
Oh, a new one? She opens one eye. I've never seen you before. What's your name?
Kani.
I'm Sina. Welcome.
She closes her eyes again, as if the conversation is over.
I look around, trying to make out shapes in the mist. Far above my head, I can see a blue surface, like water.
Sina? How long do you think I will be here?
Who knows? She stretches elegantly. Weeks? Months? Years? Nobody knows. He might come back tomorrow, he might never come back. All the better for me if he doesn't. I get to live the life of luxury.
Never?
The word burns in my heart. Without even realising it at first, I begin to cry.
Sheesh, lookit you. Sina gives me a sharp look. What's up?
I – can't – stand – being – lonely….
Oh, give me a break. What's the matter with you? There's tons of Pokémon on the 'wires, you just have to talk to them with your mind. Anyone would think you'd never gone virtual before.
I never have. You say there are others? Where are they? Where? Let me see them!
Oh, no. Sina rolls her eyes. Don't tell me I'm stuck with a loony for a roommate. Listen, honey, if you're going to go mad in here, do us both a favour and get out.
Out?
She waves one dark claw at the blue water, over our heads. Sure, we're not meant to be able to do it on our own, but you wouldn't be the first. You get through that barrier, you'll be outside.
Outside..?
You know. The Real World. That place with the trees and stuff. Flicking back her ears, she pulls a face. Personally, I'd say it's way overrated. No 'wires. No Pokéblocks. No room-mates.
I can't reach up there! Is she playing with me, trying to trick me because she knows my feelings?
So, you'd like to go then?
I hesitate.
Haari might come back for me, some day. When Raira is back with her Rereka.
But what if he doesn't? Supposing some new one finds their way into his heart, a lost child, a hurt spirit, someone in need of his love?
Supposing he never returns?
Supposing he does?
I don't give Sina her answer. I sit alone amongst the swirling mists, wondering.
*
Kani?
Sina has got used to my presence, now. She even remembers my name. It has been a few weeks, at my guess.
Kani, there's food. Snap outta your reverie and tuck in. You ought to eat.
I take the coloured block she hands me. It has a dry texture, crumbling away as I take my first bite, and an oddly spicy taste.
D'you like it? She looks at me hopefully. I saved it for ya. It's my favourite. Harry makes 'em with real Wiki Berries.
I swallow. It's okay. Thank you, Sina.
You don't like it. She sighs, flicking the rest of the purple-coloured food into her mouth with one elegant sweep.
I… just don't have a taste for the food you get here.
What'd you like to eat? she asks, curious. What on Earth is better than freshly-blended Pokéblocks with just a hint of Cheri Berries?
Flowers…
Flowers? She pulls a face. Flowers are just berries that ain't grown up yet.
Not these ones. There were… white flowers, back in the summer forest. They tasted so good… I used to pick them for my mother-brother, a long time ago…
I begin to cry again. Sina drops her food and comes to my side. She is barely tall enough to reach to the height of my knee, but she does her best to comfort me.
Kani, honey, I think you know what you gotta do. Leave this place. Find somewhere out there. You just don't cut it here.
You… You're right. I wipe away a tear. I can't wait forever for Haari. I… there's got to be something better out there.
Sure thing, kiddo'. White flowers, if that's what you fancy.
For a moment, I wonder if she just wants rid of me. But there's genuine caring in her voice as she continues.
You just leave it to Auntie Sina. I'll call up Lakza on the 'wire and get her to help you with a psy-blast or somethin'. Lakza? Lakza, you hear me? Yeah. Sina from twenty-three-seven-one, I've got a situation here…
I let her babble on in meaningless words, a strange excitement flowing through me. Can she really help me? Is there really a way out of here?
OK, Kani. Lakza says, stand by—
Then, like a petal on the wind, I begin to drift upwards.
Sina? What…?
Good luck, kiddo'. The sharp-claw girl grins. Pick a few flowers for me. Don't worry. I'll tell the others to take care of Harry. G'bye, sisula.
Sisula? I give her one last look.
Ah, shucks. How would you say it? I can't. See-o… something like? Like, your dear one.
I smile and give her the word she's seeking. Goodbye, Sina. Keyo.
The blue water ripples closer. Closer.
Closer—
And I'm standing on a patch of cool grass, lit flame-orange by the sunset. A breeze smooths my skin, gentle as a parent's loving touch.
It's done. I can never go back to Haari now.
I'm twenty years old. And I'm free.
*
In the deep green of the bushes, in the dark black of the night, someone is following me.
I have been walking for several days now. Freedom is a beautiful thing, but it is hard after so long to remember the lessons of being wild, the lessons I learnt as soon as my mother let me go. Watch for predators. Don't assume you're too good to get into trouble. The Child of the Heavens loves us, but she cannot save everyone.
There are no humans nearby, no-one to see what happens to me. I may be strong, but it has been so long since I've lived in a world without rules, without pink-maned girls to help me every time I fall.
I try to walk more quietly, sticking to the shadows, but the footsteps persist. I try to remember the fighting skills that Haari taught me. The Dynamic Punch was a move I never quite mastered…
Suddenly, the figure steps into the light, and I realise he is no stranger.
Kani? Can it be?
It can't be true. And yet it is. I see his dark eyes, his beautiful, gentle head, and the months fall away as if they had never been.
It's Arane. Dear Arane, the youngling from my herd, the one I knew so long ago.
Is it you, Kani? he asks, uncertain, and I can understand his hesitation. It's been seven long years since I was taken from my home. But I would know him anywhere. He's the same dark-eyed, cautious Arane that I played with among the falling leaves.
Arane!
Kani! Oh, Kani!
We embrace one another in sheer joy. He is taller now, stronger, almost as tall as my father Sarun. Oh, Kani. I never thought I would see you again. We thought that you were dead, or gone away forever…
I came back! I came back! My words burst out in exhilaration. Suddenly I am less lonely than I can ever remember being. Arane swings me round in a giddy circle.
You look lost. Home isn’t far, he tells me. I came out here to gather news from the grasslands. We can be home in a few days.
I bound after him, anxious not to lose his silhouette in the darkness. Raindrops begin to fall as I follow.
Kani, Kani, wherever did you go? he asks curiously. I asked every herd that came through our forests, and none of them had seen you.
I went far beyond the forests, I tell him. To a strange land.
There is happiness in my heart as I follow my rainstorm into another rainstorm, chasing him as though I were a child again, as if I had never been away.
I still miss Haari. A small part of me always will. But the raindrops are washing away the sadness, taking away the pain.
*
Before the moon has changed again, on a pale-lit morning, the forest, my forest, rings to the sound of glad voices.
Sarun hugs me tightly. Daughter-child, I always knew you would come home.
I try not to cry with happiness at the sight of the places I know so well, at Sarun's familiar, warm arms. They are all here to greet me, the ones I left behind.
Garo is there, my little brother, walking on his own now and wearing a necklace of leaves he’s made. He is eleven years old, and my mother smiles at me along with the smaller smile of a newborn, a little girl I haven’t seen before.
This is your sister, Arane tells me, conscious of how I must be feeling. Her name is Hanaia.
All of the faces I remember crowd around me. I feel almost complete with happiness. Surely this is the togetherness I have always been seeking?
Maybe not. But for now, it’s enough.
I’m home.
Garo has been asking about you for so long, Sarun tells me. He doesn't remember you. He was only four years old when you went away.
He doesn't remember? I ask in puzzlement. But I remember everything from when I was a child. Everything.
You were our first child, little one. Suka held onto you for too long. She wanted to keep you safe… Most of us forget as we grow older, what it's like to be young. I cannot remember my childhood. You're a very special girl, little daughter mine.
But Hanaia will remember you. She and your mother… they are still one soul.
Hanaiasuka comes to me. With Hanaia's arms grasping one of mine, they hold me. Little daughter, kind sister. We have missed you so, keyo.
No-one has ever called me that before, I whisper to Arane, almost crying. Somehow, I feel I can trust him. Not in our language, not like it really meant something. Keyo. Loved one.
Someone should.
I glance at his expression to see if he is teasing, but see only gentleness in his eyes. You are very special, Kani. You went away a little youngling, but you have come back tall and beautiful.
I stay silent. Something is happening, beneath this perfect dawn, something even more special than my joyful welcome. I let it blossom like a white flower, unseen but precious.
Something in my heart knows it’s right.
*
No-one can stop time. No-one, save for the Child of the Heavens. And so much has passed since that perfect morning.
I am twenty-three years old.
And I am alone. For a few more moments in this life.
Rain falls on my body from the dark sky, and I cry softly for Arane. He comes to my side, soothing me, comforting me. Far more now than the friend he was three years ago, I call for my keyo, my loved one. Is that not why I’m here?
I have him. Yet I am still alone.
The pain is like the space between the raindrops, covering everything, cooling only for a moment as the water brushes my skin. Sky-rain-storm. Love.
Alone. With Arane. With myself. With another. Alone.
Arane!
Kani. Shhh, Kani. It won't be long now.
Arane--
There is silence.
I let the sound of the rain fill my spirit, and the pain begins to vanish into the dark clouds of night. It's over. The task of my life is over, some might say. But instead of dying, I have just begun to live.
Arane looses his hold on me, and reaches down below my tired body. He lifts her in his arms, gentle as a breeze.
Did you decide...? he asks, hesitant and wondering, and I can tell that he, too, is frightened of this moment. Until now, he has stayed strong for me, but his heartbeat is racing.
It takes a while before I can gather the strength for the word: the single word I’ve had my heart set on, these past months. What can be more important than love? What could I need more?
Keyo.
Take her. He holds her out, and I take her, looking at her perfection, eyes closed still. She has yet to wake.
I hold her. Should I be afraid?
Slowly, I lower her to find the safety I know she’s seeking. My own warmth and softness, there to protect her. I must protect her.
We wait in silence. Then, hesitantly at first, her dark eyes begin to open. I can feel her little heart beating, held close to mine.
She gives one small cry on her own. Then, turning her head to look into my eyes, she clutches me with her tiny claws.
And it’s done. Suddenly, there is no more searching.
Keyo. Kani.
Two heartbeats. One love.
Full circle.
Arane is there. Father. Mate. He touches us with one arm, brimming with pride and love. Oh, my Keyokani. Oh.
Keyo. Kani.
Keyokani.
Love beneath the sky.
No more pain. No more solitude.
We are one.
A/N: Wow. This has to be the longest story I've written that didn't come in chapters. Be warned, this is a *marathon* story. If you read all of this, you deserve a medal.
Just a story based on a random inspiration I had-- I've never considered writing about this species before, but I thought they were one of several whose uniqueness hasn't ever been fully explored.
I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but college has been getting in the way.
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Keyo
Summary: When her kind grow up, most of them forget what it's like to be joined to another's soul. Kani never forgot. She never got used to the loneliness...
Summary: When her kind grow up, most of them forget what it's like to be joined to another's soul. Kani never forgot. She never got used to the loneliness...
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Kani is four years old. But Suka is thirty years. Therefore, we are thirty years old.
The herd grazes on the long, soft grass that we find in this forest. Sunlight plays over us. We are happy, feeling the warmth of the sunshine, tasting the sweetness of the grass.
Kani cannot remember being here before. But Suka has been here many times. So, the pleasure is both new and familiar to us. Is there any more joyful way of experiencing life?
Kanisuka! Come over here! Someone is calling to us. Father. Mate. Keyo, our love. Sarun. We follow his trusted voice to where a clump of white flowers is in bloom. Suka takes a taste. Kani takes a taste. The flowers are good to eat, sweeter than grass and smooth against our tongues.
Safety. Warmth. Love. That is Kani's happiness, mingling with Suka's joy at these familiar places, these loved ones around us. And something else, something that is not quite understood.
Sarun strokes our body with a gentle touch. I always knew it was meant to be this way, he tells us. I love you, Kanisuka.
We love you too, Sarun.
We were meant to be here, on this perfect day, brought here by destiny and the kanas'ai, the Child of the Heavens who sees all things. Suka knows that, so Kanisuka knows it, without the need for explanation. Today is our day.
Kani. In our language it means sky, the endless blue beyond the leaves of the trees.
Suka. In our language it means happiness.
This place, this time, is who we are. Kanisuka. Happiness beneath the sky.
It's a memory that we already know we will treasure forever.
*
Kani is eight years old, barely. Suka is thirty-three, almost thirty-four.
Four summers have come and gone since that perfect day among the white flowers. Every year, we return to that golden place in the forest, to eat the green grass and be with our fathermate Sarun. Then the leaves begin to fall, copper-crisp, and winter begins. There is no reason why this year should be any different.
Yet something is wrong. The strangeness of its new feelings flows through our being, unfamiliar, wrong beyond reason, and it is this:
Our Suka-mind knows something, and Suka alone knows it.
Two seasons ago, one night beneath the moonlit trees, while Kani slept, Suka did not sleep. We know this, even if it isn't understood. But that was where it began, this strange secrecy, this break for which there is no name.
Our Suka-mind knows, Suka holds, what happened when Kani was sleeping. And for some reason, that knowledge is filled with mingled emotions. Excitement. Sadness. Anxiousness. Joy. We feel them without being sure why.
No longer are we certain. Still, time passes. The snowflakes fall without anyone being able to stop them.
Suka. The feeling that was once ours to keep. Now it seems elusive as a single flake of snow. Kani, the strangely darkened sky.
This is us, fractured but yet one, Kanisuka.
Where are the words for what we are feeling?
*
Time passes, as it always has. Kani is eight years old, still, but Suka is thirty-four.
Spring has come again, mint-green on the bare branches of winter. We will leave our resting-home and travel through the forest to Sarun's bright sanctuary.
Without knowing why, we feel sadness, a sense of loss. The return of springtime should be met with joy and laughter, but today there is a new emotion, stronger than sadness. It has to do with the secret, the knowledge our Suka-mind keeps.
Morning light shines down on us, and we walk to the stream near the cave that was our resting-home. Suka drinks. Kani drinks.
Then we speak. Why do we speak? There is no-one there to hear. And yet, we speak.
I... love you, my daughter.
Our Suka-arms hold Kani tightly, as if to keep us from harm. One touch closes our Kani-eyes. Then the gentle arms lift higher, still holding onto Kani. What is happening? Is there some reason why we feel bound to cause ourselves pain?
Higher--
The touch of cold air. A frightened cry. Wanting. Wanting ourselves, and not being there for ourselves, not any more.
Kanisuka!
The cry only echoes what is wrong, as we call for our self, our other self. And in a moment, it is done.
Kani.
Suka.
I open my eyes, staring at the unfamiliar-yet-familiar figure in front of us. In front of me.
Suka. Her name is Suka. I know her gentle eyes, the eyes I looked up at, our eyes. I was a part of her, no, a part of us. I still cannot comprehend the change.
Little daughter. Are you all right?
And I know that she speaks aloud to me, because I cannot hear her feelings any more.
We have felt sadness before, and bereavement. When Sarun's father left this life, we felt grief with him, and the pain of his loss, and wished that the Child of the Heavens would take care of the one we had lost. But this is more than sadness.
Little daughter, please try to understand... This is what must always be done. In a few months, I will no longer be able to carry you. There will be another…
Suka. Her happiness has faded. My mother-self, now as distant from me as the stars.
Kani. From the sky falls a gentle mist of spring rain, soft as a dream. But I cannot feel it with Suka's love of past memories. As each moment passes, I am losing all recollection of the past, the way it was. We have parted, Suka and I, her memories and mine.
The solitude is painful. And I know I will never be the same again.
*
I am thirteen years old, almost fourteen.
My mother's heart no longer beats alone. Mine is still a single rhythm, marking my loneliness on dark nights, just as my thoughts are a single thread, clear as a flowing stream in my mind.
His name is Garo. The word means gift in our language, and truly, to Sarun he is a gift. I watch my father's pride as he touches Garosuka, my mother-brother, our love. Garosuka. A gift of happiness, her—no, their return to the joy we once felt, back then when we were one.
The summer is gone, and soon we have to part. I will go with Garosuka back to the resting-home at the foot of the mountains, and Sarun will leave us once again. He is old enough to feed himself and stay warm, so he has no reason to stay with my mother-brother and with me, while we shelter out the winter.
I wish he would stay. I would feel better if we could be together, sharing as much love as we hold in our hearts.
There is one other youngling of my age in the herd. Arane is his name. In our language, it means rainstorm. For a while, I thought I could seek comfort with him, that he must understand what I was feeling. But he is different, beyond imagining.
When Sarun talks of Arane, he shakes his head and says the word loner. Loner. I have been told the meaning, but it is a meaningless word to me. How could anyone wish to be on their own, away from the love and life of their family, their herd? To leave Garosuka and my companions, for even a moment, feels desperately lonely, and I dash towards them again in search of a comfort I can never completely find.
Sarun does not seem to feel this sense of loneliness, this solitude. Even I do not really understand it.
Kani, gather some of the white flowers, Garosuka tells me. We'll take them back to the resting-home with us, to feed our family for a while. They'll make a change from copper-leaves, at least until the cold weather sets in.
The sweet scent of the white flowers almost overpowers me as I gather them. My claws are too heavy for the delicate petals, and I feel them being crushed one by one. But to do a task like this for the others brings me a happiness I can't explain, seems to soothe my loneliness.
Hurry, Kani. We can hear a rumbling. There must be a storm coming.
I hear it too. Then, to my surprise, the flower stems in front of me begin to tremble.
Sarun? Garosuka? What is this?
Then the sound of hooves echoes over the forest.
There are Tauros, a legion of Tauros, running towards us. Far more in number than our small herd, they aren't stopping even as they come to the edge of the clearing.
Arane's sister, a child of nine years old, is playing amongst the reddening leaves. He snatches her up and begins to run. As though they were only waiting for him to move first, the others break into a dash, running from the Tauros as fast as they can.
Kani, follow the herd! Run, sister-daughter! Garosuka's call is shrill and panicked. I follow her as fast as I am able, but I am still bringing up the tail of the fleeing herd.
A hoof strikes my leg, and I try to keep running through the pain. I am falling behind Garosuka and Sarun, but I do not call out. To look for me would slow them down, Suka my mother-once-my-self, Garo my precious brother who brings my parents such happiness. Another hoof brings me down, and it's all I can do to pull myself out of the path of the raging Tauros.
The pain is too fierce. I cannot stay in the light, in the world of the sky and white flowers.
More than ever, I am alone.
*
Who am I? What is this mind that is asking?
Kani. My name is Kani. The thought drifts into my mind like a single leaf floating on a dark lake.
I don't know where I am, or why. But I hear sounds: the call of a species not my own. Although the words are not like mine, I understand the vague sense of them, and I realise what creature this must be: the only one who can speak to every race of our world, and be understood, save for the Kanas'ai. I have heard tales of them before, but nothing more: how they are almost defenceless by nature, yet hold all the power in the world.
"She seems healthy enough, Warden. Is it normal for her to be… you know… on her own? Shouldn't she…"
"Don't worry." This voice is somehow kind. I can't understand the individual words, but I hear reassurance, and that he knows about me. "This young one is still a child, Terri. I don't know why she was away from her herd, but she would have been looked after by her mother at this age."
"It's a pity we can't trace which group she came from…" The first voice is worried, but gentle. "Still, she doesn't seem like she'd attack a trainer. She's been conscious for a few hours now, and she hasn't hurt us."
"That could just be the effect of the tranquiliser wearing off. We can never be sure, Terri."
I open my eyes, and feel a strange shock.
The sky, my namesake, is gone. Where the sky should be is merely a featureless white, like a slope covered in snow. Then I realise. I am looking at the roof of a white shelter-cave.
The female touches me gently, her hand running over my skin. "Oh, my love. You can hear me, can't you? It's all right. You're safe here."
I trust her. In her quiet caring she reminds me of myself, of Arane and his little sister. Oh, to be home!
"Now, now. We can't let you get up yet. That leg is still mending."
I feel the pain, and manage to link it to his words. I am hurt? Oh yes, the Tauros herd.
"Warden, what will we do if we can't find where to take her?" The female is anxious. "Will she be all right?"
"I'll find a place for her if her herd isn't found," he tells her. "Don't worry. Some trainer will love her."
Love?
The word seems alien, when I am separated from all my loved ones. Without them, how can there be love here?
No sky. No herd. No flowers.
These, I can understand. I am inside a cave, where there is no sky above my head, where stone walls keep out any others, where there is no rain nor sunshine for flowers to grow.
But without love, how can one live?
The pain is becoming too much to bear, again. I fall back and let them attend to me, letting the worries and confusion become part of the background.
It will make sense, I'm sure, when I wake.
*
If the turning of the seasons is to be believed here, where winter is warmer and snow does not seem to fall, I am fifteen years old.
I can almost pronounce the name of this place, where after so long in the white cave I can finally see the sky. Sa'hari, it would be called. Something of that kind. The name of my rescuer, who I still see occasionally… Keri? I know that is not right, but it is as close as I can manage.
Sa'hari is a strange place. There is grass, there are trees, and the sky above is as blue as it was back home. But there are also boundaries that I cannot cross, and strange, unreal-looking sources of food to be found on long upright branches. The Doduo that showed me these feeding-places could teach me how to pick the food, piece by piece, but it could not tell me the source of these smooth, twigless branches or the flat, colourful blocks that tasted so appealing.
And there are no others of my kind to talk to. That is the worst thing. I feel completely alone, as though I were a Doduo who had lost one of its heads. Keri comes to see me, but she is not family. She is a creature of a different species, as alien to me as the Doduo was.
Still, Sa'hari is my home now, lonely though it is. If I must, I will live here on my own, even if it hurts with every passing day. I remember Garosuka, Sarun, Arane, keyo’ni, my loves.
Creatures are brought here every day, of many species. Birds, half-plants, fishes, furry creatures. What is the word Keri uses for them? No, I can’t even begin to pronounce it. There are pure-plants too, for me to eat, almost the same as the ones I had in the forest. They aren’t quite the same, though. The bushes are stunted, the berries a different shade. I nibble them anyway. A girl has to eat, after all.
I spent my fourteenth birthday in the white cave. I spent my fifteenth here, as I will my sixteenth, if nothing happens to change that. If someone had told me two years ago what my destiny was to be, I would have prayed to the Child of the Heavens to keep me away from here. But Sa’hari, for all its strangeness, is a safe place. My leg has healed here, without anything to fear from wild creatures or hostile landscapes. For that, I’m grateful.
But now, I long to be free.
I hear the wheels of a human-device, and the ringing of its bell. It must be Keri, bringing some new creature to Sa’hari’s forest fields. I step out from the cover of the trees, interested to see what she has brought this time. Last time it was a little dragon, which wriggled in her arms. She lowered it into the water, where it disappeared from sight.
Ke-
But my greeting call dies in my throat. This is not Keri.
A human youngling swings himself down from the device he has been riding—I never did learn the name for them. Catching sight of me, he moves more hesitantly. Close. Closer.
“Good girl, good girl, that’s a good girl…”
He croons in the way that Sarun used to, when I was a child and unwilling to do something for him. Next moment, one of the coloured food-blocks lands at my feet.
Close. Closer.
The smell is too enticing to resist. I eat.
Too late I notice the glow of rainbow light that reaches out to encircle me, blues and greens sparkling around my body. Like a spell of the Ancients, it wraps me up, lifts me off the ground.
Sa’hari with its trees and grasses vanishes before my eyes, becoming a tiny circle and then nothing at all. The last thing I hear is his voice, oddly glad with the disappearance of my world.
“Good girl.”
*
I am eighteen years old.
It has been three years since Haari, for that is the sense I can make of his name, took me away from Sa’hari in his light-globe. Since then, I have become used to living in a permanent soft glow, where there is neither day nor night, summer nor winter. But I still love the feel of the outside world, the sunlight and the rainfall, the wind in the grass that blows over my skin.
Haari called me something unpronounceable when we first met. I set him right, I had to, saying Kani! Kani! so many times that he came to recognise it. Now he calls me out of my light-globe often, when he needs me to protect him from the attacks of wild creatures. He has taught me how to fight them off, dealing blow after blow to keep him safe from them.
My heart is not in it. Haari is kind, but he seems to put himself in too much danger for a youngling. I wonder where his parents are, and how they lost him. Perhaps he, too, is a stray like me.
When I am not out in the world with Haari, I lie inside the same rainbow glow that took me from Sa’hari. It is not an uncomfortable place. My own reflection shines softly from within the light. I sleep, I wake. I wait. I wait for Haari. My only companion.
In essence, nothing has changed. I still have a fortunate life. It is the solitude that is killing me.
A shaft of real daylight pierces the mists. It is time to make my way into the world.
"Kani! Come out!"
Haari! I call out, so he'll know I'm here. I'm ready! What do you want?
Another human is facing us. I think this one is female: after a few years, I've learnt to recognise the distinctions. I've discovered I can talk to them too, not as easily or precisely as with one of my own species, but so that any creature can understand me. It just takes a little patience to learn.
"Blossom! I choose you!"
A creature appears before me: a half-plant this time, one of the ones with red petals and a high-pitched voice. It regards me curiously for a moment.
We are to fight? it asks, in a voice like the tinkling of raindrops on leaves. I nod in response.
Despite appearances, the fights are not brutal. The aim is to force your opponent, not into pain, but submission, more like the play-fights Arane and his sister used to share. I have the advantage of both power and swiftness: Haari has taught me well. Darting forward, I knock the half-plant from its feet, sending it sprawling on the grass.
"That's it, Kani! Come on!"
A simple claw-slash forces the half-plant further back. This will not take much longer.
Suddenly, a pink mist rises from my opponent's petals. I try to ignore it, concentrating on my attack, but the scent brushes against me. It's the smell of soft flowers, pure and white, like the ones that grew in the summer forest.
When the barrage of spiny leaves flies forward to embed itself in my skin, I barely even notice.
*
"Kani."
It's the voice of a human, not Haari's. I open my eyes, and find myself looking at a female, older than Haari or the girl with the half-plant, but still young by her species' terms. Her mane is a light, pinkish red, and in her patient eyes I can see soft kindness of the sort not often shown to strangers.
"You're awake." She smiles brightly. Her smile is like a child's. "Your trainer Harry told me all about you. You should be all right now."
I focus. I'm lying in a white cave, like the one I lived in before I came to Sa'hari. Bright light shines on me, and I feel numb, as though I've been walking in the snow.
"Harry Donnagon? Your Pokémon is fully healed. You can come in now."
"Hey there, Kani." Haari comes to my side, talking softly. "You feeling better?"
Out of nowhere, a tear slides down my cheek. Their kindness, the sweet scent of the petals. In three years, I have tried not to think about what I have lost. But sometimes, it is too much.
"Hey now. If you have to cry, then cry." He is much smaller and more slender than me, but he wraps his arms around me as best he can.
I wipe away my tear, looking down at him. Having someone so close… there is something special about it, something that feels right. Almost like having a loved one near to me.
Haari, keyo, take care of me, I tell him, though I know he doesn't understand. Be with me.
He strokes my skin with his delicate hand, showing he cares for me the way he cares for Donny and Lola and all the others.
I know he will.
*
I am nineteen years old. Haari, he says, is seventeen.
A few weeks ago, he stood on an enormous platform, wearing a bright blue ribbon with a disc that shone gold like the sun. He was proud. I was proud. For a few moments, I didn't feel lonely. I was glad to have helped my Haari, to be part of what he achieved.
Now, he is no longer bright and joyful. He stays in the white caves most of the time, letting me out to eat and to breathe fresh air when he can, talking into a human-device that he holds in his hand.
Haari? I try to communicate with him, even knowing he cannot understand what I say. What is wrong?
Somehow, he seems to grasp my meaning. "Oh, Kani," he sighs, stroking me absently. "My sister. She's sick, and they've had to take her to hospital." He pauses. "You don't know what a hospital is, do you? Anyhow, she's really ill."
Sister. I never had a sister, but I have, I had, Garo. I know the bond between siblings.
Haari, I am so sorry.
"Eh, I wish I knew what you were saying," he says, staring at his feet. "Oh, Kani."
I go out through the mouth—the "door", he calls it—of the cave, and pick a pretty blue flower from the bushes outside. I know humans don't eat flowers, but I bring it to him anyway.
Take.
He holds it, shaking a little of the dew from its petals as he turns it over and over in his hands.
"Kani…"
A shrill ringing breaks the silence. It's that strange, talking device of his, the one with the power to speak as if it were alive.
"Yeah… no, I see… all right."
He holds my home in one cupped hand, lifting it so I can come back. "Kani… we have to go see her. Come on."
*
I am still nineteen years old, as far as I can tell. I thought I was young.
But she… she is six. I can't remember the last time I met such a small one on its own, so vulnerable.
"Ree?" She looks up at me with wondering eyes. I try to be gentle, knowing she might be afraid of my spiky skin, my tall body.
What is your name, little child-of-the-moonlight?
Raira, she tells me, still wide-eyed. My trainer is Rereka. But she's asleep now, in the daytime, in the night-time… and I'm on my own.
I look across to where Haari is sitting. Next to him is a bundle of soft whiteness, like a giant petal, like a cloud. And at its centre, a human is lying. A female.
Is that Rereka?
Yes. I see tears begin to form in Raira's eyes. I love her. That's why I'm here.
Haari is my trainer, I tell her. They're brother and sister. He'll take care of her.
She says nothing, nibbling at a crumb of food held in her tiny, pink paw.
"Kani. Hey there, girl. How're you getting on with my sister's Clefairy?" Haari strokes me. "Well, it looks like 'Becca is going to get well again… they say it'll take a long time before she's allowed on the road, though. Maybe months…" He can't stop the tears he's been hiding behind his smile.
Months? Raira repeats in her own language, disbelieving, unhappy.
But she'll get well! I tell her, trying to make the little one feel better.
I know… She is crying now, and I lift her in my arms. Somehow, it feels the right thing to do.
Miss Kani, I've been here so long. So very long. With no-one here but Rereka, who never wakes up... I wish I could battle. I want to meet other Pokémon, I don't want to be alone! That's all I want! No hospitals! Not even for Rereka…
Haari has gone away now. I hear him talking with other humans, but the words are too far away for me to hear. At last, he returns, at the side of someone I recognise: the white-dressed, pink-maned girl who has so often helped me, when I've been hurt.
"Kani." He looks at me, with something strange in his eyes. "I need to talk to you."
Outside, we sit on the cool grass. I think of Raira, how much she loves the outdoors.
"I know. It's stupid to be talking to a Pokémon." He shrugs. "Kani, you always seem like you understand me. I have to tell you this."
I wait.
"It's Lella. Rebecca's Clefairy, the one you met." He stops. I can tell this is difficult for him. "I've been talking to the hospital's Pokémon nurse. She's a pretty good judge of these things. And she says… she says Lella is going mad."
Mad? I think of her hysterical tears, her babbling voice.
"Some Pokémon… they just can't stand being on their own." He sighed. "That was why she was so glad to see you, Kani. She's so lonely. It's killing her."
She is lonely… poor Raira. I nod in understanding.
"Nurse Joy wants to know if… if I would take Lella on my team. Treat her the way I treat you. So she wouldn't have to be lonely."
Yes, that would be the best thing. She needs someone like you. Really, Haari, you don't have to ask my permission for what's right.
"Looks like you agree." He sighs. "But I already have six Pokémon on my team…"
He counts on his fingers.
"Bubbles was given to me by Officer Jenny. She belonged to some stupid thief, I need to train her so she learns not to steal… Misko was abandoned by her trainer. I can't leave her all on her own. If I let Lola do her own thing she tends to set things on fire… Donny is just a baby, he needs looking after… And Meki, he needs to battle to release his energy or it hurts him…"
Haari looks away for a moment. I wonder what all this has been about, but a cold feeling is already filling my body.
"That just leaves you, Kani."
He is walking now, carrying my light-globe with him. I follow.
"If I were to place you in virtual storage… I would have room to look after Lella. But you wouldn't be able to travel with me any more."
Each word is like a blinding flash.
Not travel. With Haari. Any more.
Alone. Again.
My loneliness for Raira's loneliness.
Is that the only way?
But she is so much younger than me. She is not used to feeling alone.
Haari. Keyo. Beloved one…
I nod, my head bowed. He doesn't know that I feel the pain of loneliness the same way Raira does: he won't feel so guilty. It must be.
Take good care of her, keyo.
And I turn away, so he won't see my tears.
*
He recalled me after that conversation, and I saw he was trying as hard as I was not to cry.
Lying here, as if before another battle, I wonder how long it will be before Haari says goodbye to me, taking Raira for his own.
Only when I try to lean against the wall of my globe-home, and find myself pushing through a shimmering mist, do I realise the truth. He has already gone.
Another creature is sitting a short distance from me, her eyes closed. She seems to be enjoying the peace of this strange, clouded place.
Young one, I call to her, sharp-claw thief-child.
Oh, a new one? She opens one eye. I've never seen you before. What's your name?
Kani.
I'm Sina. Welcome.
She closes her eyes again, as if the conversation is over.
I look around, trying to make out shapes in the mist. Far above my head, I can see a blue surface, like water.
Sina? How long do you think I will be here?
Who knows? She stretches elegantly. Weeks? Months? Years? Nobody knows. He might come back tomorrow, he might never come back. All the better for me if he doesn't. I get to live the life of luxury.
Never?
The word burns in my heart. Without even realising it at first, I begin to cry.
Sheesh, lookit you. Sina gives me a sharp look. What's up?
I – can't – stand – being – lonely….
Oh, give me a break. What's the matter with you? There's tons of Pokémon on the 'wires, you just have to talk to them with your mind. Anyone would think you'd never gone virtual before.
I never have. You say there are others? Where are they? Where? Let me see them!
Oh, no. Sina rolls her eyes. Don't tell me I'm stuck with a loony for a roommate. Listen, honey, if you're going to go mad in here, do us both a favour and get out.
Out?
She waves one dark claw at the blue water, over our heads. Sure, we're not meant to be able to do it on our own, but you wouldn't be the first. You get through that barrier, you'll be outside.
Outside..?
You know. The Real World. That place with the trees and stuff. Flicking back her ears, she pulls a face. Personally, I'd say it's way overrated. No 'wires. No Pokéblocks. No room-mates.
I can't reach up there! Is she playing with me, trying to trick me because she knows my feelings?
So, you'd like to go then?
I hesitate.
Haari might come back for me, some day. When Raira is back with her Rereka.
But what if he doesn't? Supposing some new one finds their way into his heart, a lost child, a hurt spirit, someone in need of his love?
Supposing he never returns?
Supposing he does?
I don't give Sina her answer. I sit alone amongst the swirling mists, wondering.
*
Kani?
Sina has got used to my presence, now. She even remembers my name. It has been a few weeks, at my guess.
Kani, there's food. Snap outta your reverie and tuck in. You ought to eat.
I take the coloured block she hands me. It has a dry texture, crumbling away as I take my first bite, and an oddly spicy taste.
D'you like it? She looks at me hopefully. I saved it for ya. It's my favourite. Harry makes 'em with real Wiki Berries.
I swallow. It's okay. Thank you, Sina.
You don't like it. She sighs, flicking the rest of the purple-coloured food into her mouth with one elegant sweep.
I… just don't have a taste for the food you get here.
What'd you like to eat? she asks, curious. What on Earth is better than freshly-blended Pokéblocks with just a hint of Cheri Berries?
Flowers…
Flowers? She pulls a face. Flowers are just berries that ain't grown up yet.
Not these ones. There were… white flowers, back in the summer forest. They tasted so good… I used to pick them for my mother-brother, a long time ago…
I begin to cry again. Sina drops her food and comes to my side. She is barely tall enough to reach to the height of my knee, but she does her best to comfort me.
Kani, honey, I think you know what you gotta do. Leave this place. Find somewhere out there. You just don't cut it here.
You… You're right. I wipe away a tear. I can't wait forever for Haari. I… there's got to be something better out there.
Sure thing, kiddo'. White flowers, if that's what you fancy.
For a moment, I wonder if she just wants rid of me. But there's genuine caring in her voice as she continues.
You just leave it to Auntie Sina. I'll call up Lakza on the 'wire and get her to help you with a psy-blast or somethin'. Lakza? Lakza, you hear me? Yeah. Sina from twenty-three-seven-one, I've got a situation here…
I let her babble on in meaningless words, a strange excitement flowing through me. Can she really help me? Is there really a way out of here?
OK, Kani. Lakza says, stand by—
Then, like a petal on the wind, I begin to drift upwards.
Sina? What…?
Good luck, kiddo'. The sharp-claw girl grins. Pick a few flowers for me. Don't worry. I'll tell the others to take care of Harry. G'bye, sisula.
Sisula? I give her one last look.
Ah, shucks. How would you say it? I can't. See-o… something like? Like, your dear one.
I smile and give her the word she's seeking. Goodbye, Sina. Keyo.
The blue water ripples closer. Closer.
Closer—
And I'm standing on a patch of cool grass, lit flame-orange by the sunset. A breeze smooths my skin, gentle as a parent's loving touch.
It's done. I can never go back to Haari now.
I'm twenty years old. And I'm free.
*
In the deep green of the bushes, in the dark black of the night, someone is following me.
I have been walking for several days now. Freedom is a beautiful thing, but it is hard after so long to remember the lessons of being wild, the lessons I learnt as soon as my mother let me go. Watch for predators. Don't assume you're too good to get into trouble. The Child of the Heavens loves us, but she cannot save everyone.
There are no humans nearby, no-one to see what happens to me. I may be strong, but it has been so long since I've lived in a world without rules, without pink-maned girls to help me every time I fall.
I try to walk more quietly, sticking to the shadows, but the footsteps persist. I try to remember the fighting skills that Haari taught me. The Dynamic Punch was a move I never quite mastered…
Suddenly, the figure steps into the light, and I realise he is no stranger.
Kani? Can it be?
It can't be true. And yet it is. I see his dark eyes, his beautiful, gentle head, and the months fall away as if they had never been.
It's Arane. Dear Arane, the youngling from my herd, the one I knew so long ago.
Is it you, Kani? he asks, uncertain, and I can understand his hesitation. It's been seven long years since I was taken from my home. But I would know him anywhere. He's the same dark-eyed, cautious Arane that I played with among the falling leaves.
Arane!
Kani! Oh, Kani!
We embrace one another in sheer joy. He is taller now, stronger, almost as tall as my father Sarun. Oh, Kani. I never thought I would see you again. We thought that you were dead, or gone away forever…
I came back! I came back! My words burst out in exhilaration. Suddenly I am less lonely than I can ever remember being. Arane swings me round in a giddy circle.
You look lost. Home isn’t far, he tells me. I came out here to gather news from the grasslands. We can be home in a few days.
I bound after him, anxious not to lose his silhouette in the darkness. Raindrops begin to fall as I follow.
Kani, Kani, wherever did you go? he asks curiously. I asked every herd that came through our forests, and none of them had seen you.
I went far beyond the forests, I tell him. To a strange land.
There is happiness in my heart as I follow my rainstorm into another rainstorm, chasing him as though I were a child again, as if I had never been away.
I still miss Haari. A small part of me always will. But the raindrops are washing away the sadness, taking away the pain.
*
Before the moon has changed again, on a pale-lit morning, the forest, my forest, rings to the sound of glad voices.
Sarun hugs me tightly. Daughter-child, I always knew you would come home.
I try not to cry with happiness at the sight of the places I know so well, at Sarun's familiar, warm arms. They are all here to greet me, the ones I left behind.
Garo is there, my little brother, walking on his own now and wearing a necklace of leaves he’s made. He is eleven years old, and my mother smiles at me along with the smaller smile of a newborn, a little girl I haven’t seen before.
This is your sister, Arane tells me, conscious of how I must be feeling. Her name is Hanaia.
All of the faces I remember crowd around me. I feel almost complete with happiness. Surely this is the togetherness I have always been seeking?
Maybe not. But for now, it’s enough.
I’m home.
Garo has been asking about you for so long, Sarun tells me. He doesn't remember you. He was only four years old when you went away.
He doesn't remember? I ask in puzzlement. But I remember everything from when I was a child. Everything.
You were our first child, little one. Suka held onto you for too long. She wanted to keep you safe… Most of us forget as we grow older, what it's like to be young. I cannot remember my childhood. You're a very special girl, little daughter mine.
But Hanaia will remember you. She and your mother… they are still one soul.
Hanaiasuka comes to me. With Hanaia's arms grasping one of mine, they hold me. Little daughter, kind sister. We have missed you so, keyo.
No-one has ever called me that before, I whisper to Arane, almost crying. Somehow, I feel I can trust him. Not in our language, not like it really meant something. Keyo. Loved one.
Someone should.
I glance at his expression to see if he is teasing, but see only gentleness in his eyes. You are very special, Kani. You went away a little youngling, but you have come back tall and beautiful.
I stay silent. Something is happening, beneath this perfect dawn, something even more special than my joyful welcome. I let it blossom like a white flower, unseen but precious.
Something in my heart knows it’s right.
*
No-one can stop time. No-one, save for the Child of the Heavens. And so much has passed since that perfect morning.
I am twenty-three years old.
And I am alone. For a few more moments in this life.
Rain falls on my body from the dark sky, and I cry softly for Arane. He comes to my side, soothing me, comforting me. Far more now than the friend he was three years ago, I call for my keyo, my loved one. Is that not why I’m here?
I have him. Yet I am still alone.
The pain is like the space between the raindrops, covering everything, cooling only for a moment as the water brushes my skin. Sky-rain-storm. Love.
Alone. With Arane. With myself. With another. Alone.
Arane!
Kani. Shhh, Kani. It won't be long now.
Arane--
There is silence.
I let the sound of the rain fill my spirit, and the pain begins to vanish into the dark clouds of night. It's over. The task of my life is over, some might say. But instead of dying, I have just begun to live.
Arane looses his hold on me, and reaches down below my tired body. He lifts her in his arms, gentle as a breeze.
Did you decide...? he asks, hesitant and wondering, and I can tell that he, too, is frightened of this moment. Until now, he has stayed strong for me, but his heartbeat is racing.
It takes a while before I can gather the strength for the word: the single word I’ve had my heart set on, these past months. What can be more important than love? What could I need more?
Keyo.
Take her. He holds her out, and I take her, looking at her perfection, eyes closed still. She has yet to wake.
I hold her. Should I be afraid?
Slowly, I lower her to find the safety I know she’s seeking. My own warmth and softness, there to protect her. I must protect her.
We wait in silence. Then, hesitantly at first, her dark eyes begin to open. I can feel her little heart beating, held close to mine.
She gives one small cry on her own. Then, turning her head to look into my eyes, she clutches me with her tiny claws.
And it’s done. Suddenly, there is no more searching.
Keyo. Kani.
Two heartbeats. One love.
Full circle.
Arane is there. Father. Mate. He touches us with one arm, brimming with pride and love. Oh, my Keyokani. Oh.
Keyo. Kani.
Keyokani.
Love beneath the sky.
No more pain. No more solitude.
We are one.
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