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~*Pokecom*~

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Munchlax2.0

RoboLax
Chapter 1:A New Beginning

"Its a boy!",said the doctor.Its the year 2019.May and Drew have married and had a child.''Oh!That's great!'',said May.His name was Nyle,a boy with a special gift......the ability to talk to Pokemon.''BLAZZZZ!!!!!''said May's Blaziken.''Mommy?What did Blaziken just say?'',''Uhhhh...nothing!''.His parents tried to keep the secret from him.....but to no avail.

''Im going out,Mom!'',Nyle is now 13.A sparkle apears in the air.''Whoa!What was that?''He heard a voice in the distance........''MEEEEEWWWWW!''

P.S.IT MY FIRST FANFIC,SO ITS PRETTY SHORT!
P.S.S.ITS CALLED POKECOM BECAUSE IT WAS ORIGINALLY A COMIC=COM?
 
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P.S.IT MY FIRST FANFIC,SO ITS PRETTY SHORT!
Click to expand...

... SHORT? THIS IS BEYOND SHORT. Short is something several paragraphs long, this isn't even something a mouse would sneeze out! Go read the damn rules, go read Advice for aspiring authors, and ask yourself would YOU read a story that had chapters only a couple scentences for length? I'm sorry because if you say you would, you don't have the mental capability to be here. You want to see some real works, check out some of the five star fics here. And see that you utterly and completely failed when you posted this spam. There's nothing here to critic, outside you have bad grammar, poor description and even a poorer ability to follow the rules >.>

Oh and next time you try to write, write in a word program and not the reply box.
 
REVISED EDITION
Chapter 1:A New Beginning

"Its a boy!",said the doctor.Its the year 2019.May and Drew have married and had a child.''Oh!That's great!'',said May.His name was Nyle,a boy with a special gift......the ability to talk to Pokemon.''BLAZZZZ!!!!!''said May's Blaziken.''Mommy?What did Blaziken just say?'',''Uhhhh...nothing!''.His parents tried to keep the secret from him.....but to no avail.

''Im going out,Mom!'',Nyle is now 13.A sparkle apears in the air.''Whoa!What was that?'',He heard a voice in the distance........''MEEEEEWWWWW!''.Then Nyle said,''Ahhhh!!!!Its heading right towards me!!!!!''Mew ran up towards him
and reached in his pocket''Wow!A Mew!Wait,what are you doing?!

Mew reached in his pocket and grabbed a pokeball,then hit himself on th head with it.''Wait......What?''said Nyle,''You are pure of heart,Nyle,i will now be your pokemon,and you friend.''said Mew.''Ok,that was...'',''Nyle,time to come in,honey!'',said his Mom..........
 
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Clearly, you didn't listen to a single thing Yami Ryu said.



Look, just go read the topics that say 'Sticky' at the top of the page. I don't know how to put it any simpler than that. The threads called 'The Rules' and 'Advice for Aspiring Authors' WILL help you, I promise. Just read them and listen to what they say.

Because right now, this is a very poor excuse for a fic.

You really need to write this on Microsoft Word. NOT in the reply box. MS Word will show you how to use proper punctuation and spacing, which you sorely lack right now.

Advice for Aspiring Authors will show you how to paragraph. Maybe if you read it, this will come out looking better.


Oh, and one last thing: don't give your character special powers. D: Nobody likes to read fics with kids who have special powers for no reason at all.
And it gets worse when the kid has 'a pure heart'. Seriously, don't do that. And don't have Mew, the insanely powerful LEGENDARY Pokémon, randomly go up to a kid and want to be owned by him.

Mew CREATED the world- the people, the Pokémon. She isn't going to just go up to a kid and let herself be his trained Pokémon. Besides, he isn't even a trainer- why does he have Pokéballs?



You need to think this through more. Go read fics by other people. Read the Stickies I pointed out. Type on Micorosoft Word. Take more than five minutes to write up your 'chapter', and be sure to make it longer- right now it is much too short and will be closed.

See that Mod up there? Zephyr Flare? Yeah, she's gonna close this.


I highly suggest you try to listen to the rules and such. Don't make her mad. Or Yami Ryu madder. Really.


~Psychic
 
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