Project Valentine (Multishippings, G-PG13)

[SugarPesticide]

PreciousMetalShipping // Gold & Silver // G

It was hard to imagine that those five statues had once been alive – had once lived, breathed, walked, run, smiled, laughed, cried. It was easier to imagine that they would simply stand there for hundreds of years, worn down slowly and meticulously with barrages of rain and creeping lichens, until at last their stone faces would crumble away and there would be nothing to mark them as special.

But it was very, very difficult to imagine that the plan to revive them could work.

Gold sat on a nearby branch, hanging low enough to idly tap at the ground with his billiard cue. He knew he should be feeling at least a little creeped out by those frozen faces, gaping at something that had long since vanished. But instead, he felt rather sorry for them. He knew he wouldn't want to be completely helpless like that.

"Would you believe me," he finally asked the statues as a whole, "if I said that your fate depended on a sleeping pixie and a grotesquely short midget?"

They had no response to that.

"Didn't think so." He chuckled to himself; the sound seemed echoey and lonely. "I don't believe it either. But Crystal says it's that or nothing."

A breeze rustled through the leaves, reminding him of a day years before when they'd foiled the evil plans of their icy nemesis in Ilex Forest. He made a face, knowing that he would've preferred action like that to this terrible waiting.

His eyes wandered over to a particular statue with long hair, one who was once the youngest of the five. A sad smile appeared on his face, reflecting the memories of fighting against that other boy – and later, funnily enough, at his side.

"I don't know if you can hear me, Silver," he said, watching the point of his cue bounce against the ground. "But if you are …" He paused, letting a sigh escape his lips. "If you are, I just want you to know that if this doesn't work out … that I really, really respect you. In fact, I might go so far as to call you my friend."

Silence was the statue's only reply.

"You're probably laughing at me, if you're listening. But I'm okay with that. It's better than if you're just ignoring me, like you used to." He smirked. "You know, if someone told me, after we first met, that I'd be having this 'conversation', I would've laughed too. But in the end, I guess I'll either just be laughing with myself … or laughing with you."

With a single catlike movement he jumped from the branch to the ground, ready to head out. Then he paused, glancing back at that stony figure standing there so pathetically. It kind of made him want to go and comfort the boy within. He almost told himself no. He knew what Silver would say about that.

But then he imagined standing there, his mind juggling with unbearable fear and unbearable boredom. Forever.

He strode over to the statue and threw his arms around it in a great big hug.

"Hang in there, buddy," he said, patting it on the shoulder. "We're going to get you out of there." He wasn't sure whether or not he was only reassuring himself, but he couldn't leave Silver alone without some glimmer of hope.

After several minutes, he finally drew away and glanced around at the other four statues. Their faces were still frozen in shock.

"Oh, don't give me that look," he scolded them. "You'll be getting out too. Honestly …"

And after a last smile at his friend, he strolled away, twirling his billiard cue and whistling an airy tune.

*​

Coming up next: StaticBoltShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

StaticBoltShipping // Pikachu & Electabuzz // PG

"Psst! Pikachu!"

Pikachu yawned widely, ignoring the voice. She was far too comfortable, lying there in the sunny field. She knew the others were, too, scattered about the immediate vicinity and drinking in the sunlight. It was so nice to have a couple of days off battling, especially after that painful incident with the—

"Pikachu! You awake?"

Her eyes cracked open, and she glared at the stalks of grass dancing cheerfully in the breeze. Couldn't they take a hint, whoever it was? Surely it could wait until after she'd finished her little rest. That wasn't too much to ask, right?

"Pikachu!"

She rolled over, flopping onto her back and covering her eyes with her paws to block out the sun.

"Pikachu, you're being paged." The tone in Staraptor's voice brought a definite smirk to mind.

Groaning loudly, she pushed herself into a sitting position. Immediately she noticed that all of her friends were staring at her, some suspicious, some amused, many confused. Infernape in particular looked absolutely livid. "Can I help you?" she asked them dryly.

"The enemy wants to talk to you," Infernape snarled, throwing a dirty look towards a spot in the surrounding trees. "Perhaps you can tell him to shove off."

Following the fiery Pokemon's glare, Pikachu noticed a lanky yellow figure looking back at her, almost camouflaged in the semi-shadow with those black stripes. Their eyes meant, and he instantly beckoned to her, looking a bit excited. "Electabuzz?" Pikachu asked nobody in particular. "What is he doing here? Kind of weird for him to show up without Paul anywhere in sight." She rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Whatever it is, he'll be out of sight before long," Infernape growled, starting to get up.

"I'll go talk to him," Pikachu said hastily, jumping to her feet. "I don't think he means any harm."

Infernape's eyes narrowed into slits. "And if he does? You've never defeated him before."

"I'll be fine," Pikachu assured her. "If he tries anything funny, I'll come straight back here. Okay?"

"… Fine." Infernape seated herself again. "But don't come crying to me if he tries to rip you in half."

Walking towards Electabuzz, Pikachu felt the gaze of all her friend bore a hold into her back. She tried not to feel embarrassed by all the obvious attention. But then, they had never seen a situation like this. She couldn't really blame them.

"Pikachu!" Electabuzz exclaimed as she drew near. "Hey, listen, I think I need your help with this thing I found, I think I know what—"

"Where's Paul?" Pikachu asked, cutting him off. "Shouldn't he be hovering around somewhere?"

"He's not too close to here," he replied. "Actually, the thing is, I snuck down here. You see, I found this one thing, but none of the other Pokemon want to help me find out everything it does. So I thought hey, since you've been to all kinds of places, maybe you could … you know, help me?"

His plea seemed pretty sincere, she decided. Really, all she had to do was follow him and see what he'd found. What could possibly go wrong? "Sure," she said aloud.

His broad smile instantly assured her that was the right answer. "It's over this way," he said, turning and moving through the trees.

Pikachu lingered just long enough to wave to her friends before jogging after him.

*​

After a few minutes, they finally arrived at an area where the trees were sparser and thinner. "Aha, here it is!" Electabuzz exclaimed, scooping a small, strange machine off the ground. "Right where I left it? Care to guess what it is, Pikachu?"

She glanced at it, then gave him a clearly unimpressed stare. "It's a calculator."

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is."

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is."

"No, it's some kind of extended Pokedex! Here, I'll show you."

"Electabuzz, it's a calculator!"

"With letters on it?"

"Well … most graphing calculators have letters on them!"

"Most what?"

"Though that doesn't look remotely close to a graphing calculator … okay, I'll bite. Show me what the 'extended Pokedex' is supposed to do."

His eyes lit up, and Pikachu was surprised to find herself significantly less annoyed. "Great! Okay, first we need to type in something … like me! Yeah, that should be great … let's type that in. How do you spell 'Electabuzz', anyway? I-L-L-E-K—"

"Let me," Pikachu insisted, taking it from him and punching in the correct spelling instead. "All right, now what?"

"Now this," Electabuzz replied, pushing a large red button.

Instantly words began to scroll up on the screen, accompanied by a smooth voice emitting from an unseen speaker. "Electabuzz," the voice said, "a subspecies of the unique Earth race of Pokemon, capable of incredible destructive electric power with just a twitch of the finger, and don't even get started on what happens if they use the middle one—"

"Earth?" Pikachu squeaked, sinking to the ground as color drained from around her cheeks. "Earth?"

"What?" Electabuzz watched her in concern, while the extended Pokedex continued to describe him. "What's so terrible? We do live on Earth, don't we?"

"If it needed to say that it's Earth," Pikachu explained weakly, "then that can only mean that … you know … this isn't from Earth."

"… So it's an alien technology, then?" He stared at the thing in her paw with a new respect, as though worried it could suddenly bite her.

A Kricketot chirped somewhere.

"Guess I was right," he tried to joke. "It's not really a calculator."

She tried to crack a smile at that. "Wonder what it says about us …"

He cocked his head to the side, eyebrow raised. "Us?"

"You know …" She waved a paw about, gesturing around them. "Earth."

"… Ohhh. I get it now. Because when you said 'us', I thought you meant … um … anyway. Earth. U-R-F—"

"Let me type it in!" she insisted, hurriedly doing just that. "Oh, I really, really hope there's nothing about an invasion in here!"

"Well, if there is, we can stop it!" Electabuzz declared. "And if we can't, we'll run off together to survive somewhere safe and kill them all off if they try to get us. Like in that twenty-eight something movie, except without the infection part. Yeah, that could work …"

Pikachu stared at him.

"Earth," he repeated, clearing his throat.

"… Yeah. Okay, pushing the big red button …"

She pushed. They waited.

Words scrolled.

"'Mostly harmless'?" Electabuzz's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "That's all it says? 'Mostly harmless'? Really?"

"Guess we don't have to worry about that invasion," Pikachu breathed, visibly relaxing.

"Sure, but 'mostly harmless'?"

A terrible howling gargle some distance away silenced them. They glanced at each other, wide-eyed with fear.

"Aliens?" he whispered.

"Sounds like it." Pikachu tiptoed toward a large bush nearby and peeked through it, rustling its branches as little as possible. "Unless Snorlax is back and has a digestive problem …" She paused, then cringed. "Nope. Definitely aliens."

Electabuzz joined her, and through the bush they watched a horde of large suited creatures with green, rubbery-looking skin, stomping through the woods and scouring the ground, tossing sticks and leaves out of the way before moving along a few feet and repeating the process.

"They're looking for something," she whispered.

They glanced at the extended Pokedex.

"We could just, you know, leave it somewhere they'll find it," Electabuzz suggested, swallowing hard. "Can't hurt, right?"

"That is the best idea I've heard all day."

Setting it down in a spot where only a blind person would fail to see it, the two backed away from the bush, made sure that the aliens weren't about to crash through it, and hastily turned and sprinted away as quietly as possible.

*​

At the edge of the meadow, they finally decided that they weren't being pursued and stopped running, panting heavily and feeling immense relief at having escaped. "I'm sorry, Pikachu," Electabuzz said once he'd gotten his breath back. "I shouldn't have brought you to see it. I didn't know there'd be … you know … aliens."

Wiping the sweat from her brow, she smiled up at him. "Hey, are you kidding? It's not every day that you get to see an actual alien landing party. It was actually pretty exciting."

His tail twitched. "But what if they don't leave?"

"They will. I mean, appearance of alien technology, plus appearance of aliens looking for something ... basic math, even when dealing with aliens. I don't think they'll be sticking around."

"I hope not."

"Me too." Pikachu glanced over at her friends, feeling rather embarrassed when she saw that they were staring at her. "Well, um, I guess I'd better … you know, go. They're waiting for me."

"Yeah, Paul might be wondering where I went off to by now." Electabuzz shuffled his feet. "Hey, this might sound kind of weird after all that almost-encounter thing, but I was wondering if … uh … if we could hang out again? Just talk, maybe train, or maybe find nicer-looking aliens?"

"What, and beat me up again?"

He cringed. "I didn't really want to do that, actually. Taking that as a yes anyway, see you later!"

And he darted off nimbly, while she gaped after him.

*​

Coming up next: TickleShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

TickleShipping // Skitty & Eevee // G

Poking his head around a corner, Eevee peeked into a grimy alleyway. Although the day was overcast and dark, and although the alleyway was shadowy, he was fairly sure that he could see well enough to determine that Skitty wasn't there. Huffing in slight frustration, he resumed his padding along the sidewalk, considering what had happened recently.

She wanted to show us her eyes, too, Eevee remembered, as he cast a glance through a wide store window. And it would've been fine, really. But of course Electrike would put her down. His fur bristled. The jerk. He didn't care that she ran off crying, if it meant he could feel better about himself.

Window after window after window he peered through, seeing cashiers and barbers and all sorts of people going about their business. The longer he searched, the more worried he became. She might have gotten lost, or hurt, or kidnapped. He hated thinking about such things happening to somebody as sweet as Skitty.

At the edge of the park he finally heard a faint sniffing sound. Ears standing alert, he moved through the well-mowed grass, steadily increasing his pace as the source grew closer until he was all but running towards a bench, upon which he could see her huddled up in a miserable pile of fur.

"Skitty!" he called out, skidding to a halt just in time to avoid smashing into the bench.

She lifted her cream-colored face to glance down at him with slit eyes. He caught just a glimpse of it to see that it was all streaked with tears, before she lowered her head down onto her paws again. "What do you want?" she sniffled, twitching her large ears.

He leapt up onto the bench, sitting himself beside her and feeling slightly heartened when she didn't scoot away. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Do I look okay?"

"Skitty, if this is about your eyes—"

"Of course it's about my eyes!" she quavered. "I was always worried that they would make me look incredibly ugly or freakish, and Electrike proved that they did. I'm never going to open my eyes that wide again." She trembled.

Eevee sighed. "Ugly? Freakish? Skitty, if today were Opposite Day, I might agree. But it's not, and your eyes are amazing."

"No they're not," she insisted weakly.

"Yes they are. Electrike doesn't know anything about ugliness. Honestly, I think he's just jealous. I mean, it's a bit of a blow to his ego that he doesn't have your angel eyes!"

There was a long moment of silence in which he realized what he'd just said. Embarrassment settled in.

"… Angel eyes?" Skitty asked finally, looking up at him again.

"Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, that was a really awkward thing to say—"

"No." She tilted her head to the side, as if analyzing him. "No, it's not. I never thought about it that way before."

She paused, looking hesitant for a moment. Then she opened her eyes fully, no longer simply squinting. He couldn't help but marvel at those huge sky-blue irises, glinting with the light from the blindingly bright clouds above.

"I always thought they were alien eyes," she admitted, meeting his awestruck stare. "I guess I never really saw them as anything else."

"They'll always be angel eyes to me."

"Thank you, Eevee. That means a lot to me." She grinned at him, eyes flashing.

He blushed and turned away, feeling highly conscious at her giggle. At least she was happy again.

*​

Coming up next: CemetaryShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

CemetaryShipping // Gengar & Froslass // G

"Right, now here's what we'll do …"

The two ghosts snickered silently as the gang outlined their plans. "Fools," Gengar laughed, grinning insanely as he always did. "Don't they know by now that we can pass through walls? One would think that leading those childish gyms would wise them up by now."

"Hush, dear." Froslass held a finger up to her mouth, though she too was attempting to stem her giggling. "We don't want them to hear us."

"It's still ridiculous," he chuckled, floating out of the wall and into the hall; his love followed him, wing-arms fluttering eerily. "They're definitely not the first investigators trying to nab us. And how did any of them think they could catch us here, in our own house? We know it brick by cobwebbed brick."

"We can never be too careful," Froslass replied serenely.

"Whatever you say. Hey, how about pulling another trick on them? Just a little one, practically harmless."

"Gengar, they're setting up their trap—"

"Oh, traps never work. Listen closely …"

*​

Gardenia swallowed, staring at the door that led to the second-story landing. "Like, why are we the bait again?" she asked weakly.

"Because you two will run the fastest when the ghosts are chasing after you," Volkner replied, almost patiently. "You and Turtwig will lure them down the stairs, while Candice will use the electric fan to push them back up the stairs. Then they'll push hard enough against the air current that once she jumps out of the way with the fan, they'll just fall forward into the Ghost Containment Unit, where Roark can just lock them in."

"Rohm pran," Turtwig grumbled.

"But like, what if the electric fan has one of those lightning ghosts living in it?" Gardenia asked, shivering under her green tunic. "Like that one time with the open barbecue and the closet full of oranges?"

"Relax," the blonde tried to assure her. "There's no electricity in this house. A Rotom can't possibly be living here. And if there is, at least I don't have to worry about it."

"Ranks a rot." Turtwig turned to glare at him, then squealed in terror as the two ghosts leapt out of the wall. "Ruh-roh! Rarenia, rit's rose rhosts!"

Gardenia's face lit up. "Ooh, roasts? Where?"

"Rot roasts," he corrected, "rhosts!"

She followed his gaze to where the two fiends were floating. "Oh, you mean ghosts ... Oh. Run, Twig, run!"

They tore through the door, across the dusty landing, and down the rickety stairs, with Gengar and Froslass on their heels. "See, isn't this fun?" Gengar snickered as they flew downward. "They think we're walking right into their silly little trap!"

"Yes, I guess so," she admitted, nodding.

The spiral staircase was inordinately long, and the ghosts were gradually drawing closer to the tiring duo of Gardenia and Turtwig. Once the first-floor landing came into view, though, the girl and her turtle put on an extra burst of speed, practically printing to the finish and leaping out of the way as a black-haired girl stepped out of the shadows, wielding an enormous fan.

"Take that!" Candice shrilled, flipping the switch and sending a whistling gale at the ghosts.

"Oh no!" Gengar cried mockingly, laughing to himself as the wind slowed them to a virtual standstill. "The air is moving! I'm simply petrified! I might just die!"

"Too late for that," Froslass said, smirking in spite of the air stinging her eyes.

It took a considerable amount of effort for the ghosts to keep themselves from being swept back up the stairs. What Gengar had failed to foresee was the fact that Froslass was somewhat more solid than he was, so when Candice finally jumped to the side and the wind stopped blowing at them, the spiky purple ghost easily regained his balance while his icy counterpart toppled forward down the stairs, right towards a little metallic box with lights flashing colorfully on its sides.

"Froslass!" Gengar cried out.

A miner standing close to the box hastily pressed something on the remote control in his hand, and the box opened, unleashing several beams of light that touched Froslass, converting her into a gaseous form and hauling her towards captivity. With a howl, Gengar threw himself after his love, allowing himself to be captured as well just before the last bits of light had vanished from view and the box sealed itself shut.

"Got them," Roark declared, scooping the little box off the floor.

The two girls stared at it.

"Why would that Gengar follow Froslass?" Gardenia asked finally, looking puzzled.

"Love?" Candice shuddered. "Can't really see it happening, but ..."

"I guess." Roark shrugged. "If they are, at least they're together."

"Ha!" Volkner's voice called from upstairs. "My plan actually worked this time! You all said it wouldn't, but it would!"

"Roh, roy," Turtwig muttered, while his human friends sweatdropped.

*​

"Gengar, you didn't have to follow me."

"And never see you again?"

"You can't see anything in here."

"Fair point. You're not going to say 'I told you so', are you?"

"Well, I have considered it, but it seems we've both learned our lesson. Oh, do keep your chin up, dear. This prison can't last for eternity."

"You're right. Okay, we can just wait it out until it finally disintegrates or rusts or gets blown up, and then we can have our revenge on them, even though they'll be long dead by then!"

"I never thought you'd be able to sit still for even a minute."

"Not like I have a choice."

"Thanks, Gengar."

"For what?"

"Keeping me company."

"Ah, what's a little imprisonment among lovers, really?"

"Why, nothing at all, am I right?"

"Nothing indeed."

*​

Coming up next: EphemeralShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

EphemeralShipping // Molly & crystal!Entei // PG

The portal had long since been shut, the Unown confined again to their bizarre realm, her parents returned to their own. Time passed, though the memories of those twisted days remained imprinted in her mind, and she could seldom help but wonder what her otherworldly acquaintances were doing now. Her musings made her a quiet, thoughtful child, gazing into space on occasion and thinking of them.

Her mother and father, noticing her behavior, were disturbed by the possibility that perhaps the Unown had done something to her. They knew that the creatures had not broken her mind, for she exhibited the behavior of any other girl, though they worried about the implications of her new high intelligence. And yet … something about her seemed to shine, if not on a physical plane. She didn't seem abnormal, just different. Separate. Other.

So they worried, and she wondered, and she grew.

And he watched.

For though he had been taken from the physical world, the mighty lion remained in her dreams. Whenever she retreated to slumber, he would stride by her side across fantastic mindscapes, protective and bold. Being a creature of dreams himself, he knew the dangers lurking in the human mind, of the horrors that only the dreaming and the demented could conceive. He sometimes wondered how a human could survive so close to insanity, but then his dream-companion would look to him, smiling, and his thought was lost.

He had promised to protect her, his once-daughter, though now perhaps something greater. He would not let her down.

And as the nightmares failed to touch her, he caught glimpses through her waking eyes of her own world, where his efforts had strengthened her and all were unconsciously impressed by her subtle aura. She could not remember him upon waking, but it did not bother him. Such was the nature of dreams, after all.

If he could only keep her safe, he was content.

Time could pass in reality, but out there on the dreamscape, as the two of them bounded across valleys and oceans and mountains of dream-stuff, their companionship was timeless.

*​

Coming up next: BayShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

BayShipping // Bill & Yellow // PG

There was something about Yellow.

From the moment that they'd first met, when he'd struggle to avoid drowning and being mauled by a highly touchy Seadra, when he'd just started to despair when a blond figure had come bursting out of the undergrowth and proved to be a savior – from that moment, Bill had wondered what it was that made the young trainer so interesting. Oh, of course there was the fact that he was a Pokedex holder – adventure and intrigue followed those sorts of people like a lovesick fanboy. And there was the life debt Bill owed him, naturally. But there was something else about the hat-toting young fellow. Something Bill couldn't quite put his finger on.

Maybe it was his strange powers that made Yellow so fascinating. Bill had met very few psychics before, and they had all used their power for ambitious purposes. But Yellow would simply calm or heal an angry or wounded Pokemon with a soft touch. It pained him to harm even his foes. There was such compassion in him ... was it because he was empathic, or were those protective urges natural? Bill often found himself wondering along those lines, and the more he thought about it, the more he felt sure of his friend's innate goodness.

Lately he had come to realize that his attraction to Yellow had taken on more than one meaning. He wasn't sure what to think about this. The idea of having a crush on another man had felt utterly wrong to him, especially if that man were only a boy. He had been solely been attracted to women, thank you very much; women with beauty, and charm, and wit, and enough brains to dominate him mentally ... mmm, nothing short of a computer geek's wildest dream. And yet ...

And yet ...

There was something about Yellow – something about his shining eyes, knowing smile, and oddly high-pitched giggle – that he couldn't help but feel drawn to.

*​

Coming up next: ShoppingShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

ShoppingShipping // Brock & May // PG-13

"Okay, guys!" Brock exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. "I think it's time you all learned about the birds and the Beedrill."

"Birds and Beedrill?" Ash asked through a mouthful of stew. "Hey, is that a special battle strategy? It sounds like you'd need a strong bug and bird Pokemon to start with, right? And would it be a double battle, or would they switch out for each other?"

Brock sweatdropped. "That's not exactly it …"

The group had been traveling for the entire day, as usual, and now they had set up camp alongside the trail, feasting on Brock's superb cooking. The three younger humans stared up at him a bit wearily, wondering what exactly he wanted to talk to them about. The Pokemon, on the other hand, were chatting amongst each other in their own language as they ate. Clearly they were utterly unconcerned by whatever he had to say.

"You see," he went on, eager to get this out of the way before they lost interest or he lost nerve, "there comes a time in every person's life when they find themselves falling in love. They start out by getting to know each other, then hugging, then kissing—"

"Ew."

"—and then going on dates," Brock said, ignoring Ash's interjection. "They spend more and more time with each other, to the point that simply being in each others' company isn't enough—"

"What do birds and Beedrill have to do with this?" Max interrupted, drumming his fingers against the Pokenav impatiently.

"I'm getting to that part. Anyway, when the two people decide that they love each other very much, they take it to the next level."

He paused for breath, and in that second realized that everyone was staring at him. Blood crept into his face as he thought about what he was going to say.

"There's … there's a ritual," he said, fiddling with the edges of his chef's apron. "A ritual that a man and a woman do, hopefully when nobody's watching … it's, uh, very powerful, exciting, and pleasing, and it takes everyone's breath away. Most people hope they can do it sometime during their life."

"If it's that good," May spoke up curiously, "then why don't people want other people to watch them and enjoy it?"

In the Pokemon's circle, Grovyle snickered. Pikachu shot him a warning glare.

"Well …" Brock's blush deepened. "It's a very personal thing, really. Though I think there might be several places in Las Vegas where it is public … So, anyway, when the two people in love decide to take it to the next level, they start by … um …"

He looked back at their young shining expectant faces, suddenly seeing that this was going to be even more awkward than he had expected.

"Dancing around!" he blurted. "They do a weird cha-cha thing … and it summons lots of, um, Beedrill. And a bird, of course. And the Beedrill all fight each other to the death, and then the last one tries to inject the bird with some special venom. And if it works, the bird turns into a Pelipper and uses the special venom to create a baby, which it gives to the woman nine months later."

"AHA!" Ash exclaimed, pumping his fist. "I KNEW babies came from the Pelipper, I just knew it! Thanks, Brock, now Gary owes me twenty bucks!"

Brock sweatdropped, even as he sighed inwardly in a strange relief. I didn't even have to scar them for life, he congratulated himself, as Ash cheered, May looked thoughtful, and Max rolled his eyes and went back to looking through the Pokenav functions. And that's the end of that.

Or was it?

*​

Late that night, long after everyone had huddled into their sleeping bags and drifted into slumber, Brock's dream of giant floating water balloons was interrupted by a hesitant whisper.

"Brock?"

He ignored it. He was too busy leaping from one squishy balloon to another, after all. Dreams were fun.

"Brock?"

He could feel himself beginning to awake. With a low groan, he pulled his eyelids open and stared up at the face of his feminine friend. "May?" he slurred sleepily. "What d'you need?"

"Well, to be honest," she said softly, looking slightly awkward, "I was wondering if you and I could try that birds-and-Beedrill thing you told us about earlier."

"What?" He jerked up into a sitting position, suddenly not sleepy at all.

"Because since you said it was amazing and so on," she went on in a rush, "so I was wondering if we could try it so I could get a feel for it and do it on my own. You know, since there's a Contest coming up, and I don't think I could stand it if Harley tries to humiliate me again. This should show him."

He stared at her as if she were speaking a different language.

"Just a thought," she said timidly.

When he finally remembered to close his gaping mouth, he couldn't help but feel guilty that she'd been deceived so badly. Maybe protecting children's innocence wasn't all it was cracked up to be. And then there was her rather pleading look. Should he set her straight? He knew the answer to that right away: if he did, she'd be utterly horrified and accuse him of trying to set her up for child molestation. Better to leave her in the dark then.

Still, he had to do something.

"Um," he said. If he weren't permanently squinting, he would have blinked owlishly. "Well. I …"

"It's okay," she said, looking downcast. "I guess I understand if you don't want to. I mean, we're not in love or anything, so I guess it wouldn't be as personal or something." She started to turn away.

"Wait!" he blurted, leaping to his feet and stepping towards her. As he had forgotten he was still in a sleeping bag, he naturally fell forward and landed flat on his face, startling her into staying there. Grunting, he pulled himself out, got to his feet, reached out, and grasped her hand. "Wait, May. I do want to, really I do. And it wouldn't be fair of me to get your hopes up like that for nothing, would it? Maybe we could … I don't know … think of something similar, but on a tamer scale. You know?"

She nodded, and a nervous smile appeared on her upturned face. "Thank you, Brock. This means a lot, it really does. When should we start?"

"Now."

"Now?"

"More interesting this way." He glanced at the still-sleeping forms of Ash and Max, looking shapeless in the darkness. "Unless you'd rather put it off?"

"No, of course not!" She beamed at him expectantly. "Let's do it!"

Brock nodded, pushing the obvious double entendres out of his mind as he began to wildly improvise.

*​

Onstage, Beautifly swooped sharply down and pretended to stab deep into Combusken's stomach with her proboscis. The fiery chicken screamed on cue, unleashing a Fire Spin that circled about the two Pokemon. Flapping furiously, Beautifly released a gust of Silver Wind that combined with her partner's Fire Spin, creating an intriguing, fiery, sparkling mixture that swirled around them. Obviously it was supposed to signify something that no young child should know.

"And it looks like May is going for an unorthodox approach!" the announcer was saying over the crowd's interested murmurs, commenting on the unexpected way the double appeal had turned out. "I personally have never seen such a provocative appeal before, but it seems to be working like a charm for her!"

May, who had no idea what "unorthodox" or "provocative" meant, simply smiled confidently as her Pokemon continued to play out the appeal. When all this was over, she decided, she would immediately go find Brock and thank him for this. It was one of the better performances she'd ever done, that was for sure.

In the stands, Ash angrily continued his tirade. "How could you do this to me, Brock? We're best friends, and then you go and do that birds-and-Beedrill thing with her instead of me! Does this mean you care about her more than you care about our friendship, Brock? Does it? DOES it?"

While Brock attempted to explain as he kept his eyes on his female friend below, Max simply rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the fact that there was something here he just wasn't getting.

*​

Coming up next: LazyPervertShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

LazyPervertShipping // Spenser & Solana // PG

It was a gorgeous moon, covered in the lush greenery of summery forest as far as the eye could see. Verdant bushes streaked by in leafy blurs, and the occasional small animal could be briefly heard squeaking in alarm as the speeder bikes zipped past; the unidentifiable little beasts bounded away as fast as their furry paws could carry them. Pure blue skies stretched above the marvelous canopy, creating a pure, fresh feeling in the air – even the Death Star hanging ominously in the sky like some pseudo-moon couldn't dissipate the sensation of life teeming all around. In short, it would be the perfect place for a romantic outing or other such event.

But this was no romantic outing. This was war.

"Can't you steer that thing?" Solana hollered at her driver, taking aim at another one of their pursuers.

"This isn't as easy as it looks, princess," Spenser snapped back tersely, weaving in and out of a particularly dense patch of trees. "Maybe we can swap places and hope we don't crash."

"We'd have a better chance of survival, then, the way you're going on," she teased, pulling the trigger.

PEW! went her blaster, sending one of the Squadtroopers veering sharply to the side, ramming his speeder bike into an enormous tree. The resulting fireball set several small nearby plants and one surprised rodent aflame.

"Yes!" She smirked at her minor victory. "Amazing how I could hit him with you swerving all the time."

"Amazing how I could steer with you shouting all the time."

"You're just jealous." She watched their foes slowly gain on them, bringing her blaster up again.

"Jealous?" he snorted. "Of who? You? The mice? Lunick?" He scowled at that last guess.

"Jealous of him going up against Vader? Please." She waved the suggestion away like an irritating fly. "Anyway, forget all that and try to drive. Honestly."

He complied, fuming as he tightened his grip on the handles.

Solana rolled her eyes good-naturedly. He's been too uppity, she mused, setting her sights on another white-garbed goon. Can't he get a hold of himself sometime?

PEW!

They sped on, continuing their little chase as the goon toppled off his soon-to-explode bike.

*​

When they had at last taken out all of the pursuing Squadtroopers, the two soared back to the enemy base, noticing charred craters and scattered white armor that marked the way they'd come. When they at last came in view of their destination, they were met with the encouraging sight of their rebel allies overcoming their foes, fighting alongside the native electric mice and the huge, fearsome-looking shape of Cawbacca.

"Keep it up!" Spenser called to his Fearow friend; leaping off the bike as soon as he'd haphazardly parked it near a pile of burning rubble.

Solana sighed to herself as she also disembarked, readying her weapon as she followed him into the fray.

Faced against blaster, tooth, claw, and primitive makeshift weapon, the Squadtroopers gradually found their once impressive number dwindling fast. In a surprisingly short time they were outnumbered, to the point where even the most belligerent fighters knew better than to decline surrender. Cheers began to echo in the woods as the rebels realized that the seemingly hopeless plan had worked. The base had been conquered.

"Plus!" exclaimed one of the rodents suddenly, pointing up at the sky with a scarlet paw.

Everyone followed its gaze and gasped in astonishment: the Death Star above them had exploded, creating a spectacular light show of fire and smog that was impressive even from their viewpoint millions of miles away. Spenser, though exhausted, couldn't help but smile at the scene. The evil that had been orbiting the moon for so long was thoroughly destroyed. At long last, they had won.

The rebels cheered, laughing and slapping each other on the back in celebration. To them, this marked the end of years of hardship and persecution at the hands of the Empire. They could once again travel the galaxy without fear of being seized and executed, allowing them a freedom none of them had really enjoyed since the death of the old Republic.

The rodents squeaked and chattered to each other at the good fortune, tackling each other happily. Primitive as they were, some of them had connected the appearance of the Death Star with the erratic tides of their moon's stormy oceans. As for the others, superstition and suspicion had prompted them to place it and the invasive Squadtroopers firmly in the enemy category.

And Solana was smiling. He nodded to himself, started to turn away, and did a double take. Lunick had been up there on the Death Star! Lunick, who had stupidly decided to be a hero and throw himself at Vader's mercy! He was fairly sure that those two were strongly attracted to each other. So what the hell did Solana have to be happy about?

"He wasn't on it," she said, as if reading his thoughts. She stared up at the dissipating mess above, emotion shining in her eyes. "I could feel it."

He stared at her, his momentary relief of the idiot hero's survival quickly drowned out by his own personal dilemma. The two would get together afterwards, he knew it. The princess and the hero, a perfect match … "You love him, don't you?" was all he managed to say.

She lowered her gaze to meet his. "Yes," she said, as though it were obvious.

He nodded in submission. "Fine," he relented, barely trusting himself to speak. What right did he have to get in their way? He was still a nobody, though probably a soon-to-be-highly-promoted nobody. He glanced away, trying to get a hold on himself …

Only to look back at the sound of her laughter. "Spenser," she chuckled, shaking her head, "it's not like that. He's my uncle's great-aunt's fifth cousin's great-grandson."

He froze. Did she just say … Possibilities blossomed in his mind. A powerful sense of what she was trying to say consumed him, leaving him staring blankly into her eyes.

"I love you," she said, drawing closer to him.

And he knew then that she did. For why else would she bicker so much with him only to smile at his triumphs and go so far as to save him from that fat slug? And through the trials of the war, they had learned to trust each other. She was certainly far more tolerant of his ship and Cawbacca, that was for sure.

And definitely more tolerant of him.

"I know," he replied simply.

And they kissed each other, there in the midst of triumph and joy as the Empire began at last to crumble.

*​

Coming up next: CairoShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

CairoShipping // Lucario & Delcatty // PG

Stories are often only too eager to elaborate on a hero's bold adventure: embarking onto a perilous quest, encountering foes and allies in unlikely places, learning the meaning of friendship or whatever equivalent value is currently in vogue, and at last rescuing a lovely lady from a dragon or other terrible beast. The hero's wit and talent are only increased, the dark side is vanquished, good wins yet again, and there is much celebrating and storytelling on the matter.

What they won't talk about is the depression, the exhaustion, the criminal lack of hygiene, and certainly not (heaven forbid) the feelings of the lovely lady.

"Ugh," groaned the aforementioned lovely lady, a Delcatty who was currently rubbing her head with her forepaws as she squinted up at the newcomers. "Couldn't you keep it down? I'm trying to get my beauty rest."

The noble trio of rescuers simply stared at her. After a sufficiently long awkward pause, one of them, New Bus the Lucario, spoke up. "Madam," he managed to say, "kindly arise and depart with us, for you are free once again to roam the land."

"Free?" Her ear twitched as a fly droned by lazily. "Free how?"

"Free from that wicked Dragonair," he explained patiently, while he wondered silently what her IQ might be. "He sits yonder, defeated at last."

Yawning widely, she lifted her head up to see the huge blue dragon cowering in the corner, who was wincing as he gingerly poked at one of his many bruises with his tail. "Oh, you beat up Bernie? That was nice of you. But I could've left all by myself, it's just that this floor is so comfortable …"

New sweatdropped. "Mayhap you were in the grip of … oh, screw it." He swiveled toward his companions, scowling in frustration. "What the hell is this, honestly? You two lied, this is nothing like a role-playing game at all!"

"Yes it is," Roger argued through a mouthful of sandwich. "It has dungeons and bosses and delicious food. But it's real life, so you can actually eat it!"

Hera rolled her eyes as her partner chewed noisily. "We never said anything about this being like a game, or a quest, or whatever," she told the Lucario matter-of-factly. "We just said we were going to be on a mission that happened to be somewhat longer than usual, one that involved a dull dragon and a damsel in distress. The clichés were purely coincidental."

"I resent your stereotype!" Bernie the Dragonair remarked from his corner. "Just because I have a fifth grade education doesn't make me stupid!"

Everyone ignored him.

"It isn't fair!" New whined, kicking a rock in frustration; unknowingly, he sent it flying into Bernie's face, making the dragon whimper in pain. "Missions are supposed to be glamorous and easy and fun and exciting! Not utterly and horrifyingly difficult!"

"It is an easy mission," Hera remarked. "Easy for us, anyway. After the things with Dusknoir and Primal Dialga and that idiot Darkrai, a Dragonair is a piece of cake."

"And we like cake," Roger added, smiling as he withdrew a slice from his bag.

"This? Easy?" New slumped against the wall, another wave of exhaustion rippling through him. "We've rummaged around constantly for food, slept in the rain and snow and tornados, been chased by a mob of Igglybuff, attacked by freaking ceiling clingers, gotten lost about a hundred times, almost fell over a waterfall and a volcano, almost got sacrificed to heathen gods, almost got eaten by those zombies in the abandoned mall, got caught in an evil computer program, almost got our innards sucked out, and narrowly avoided being really badly crushed, crippled, burned, poisoned, stabbed, frozen, eaten alive, buried alive, sliced open, tortured, drowned, dehydrated, rickrolled, or any other really painful thing." He buried his face in his paws, groaning. "And it wasn't even worth it."

Hera and Roger stared at him for a moment, then glanced at each other. "Yes," Hera finally said. "Yes, it is."

"Yeah, all in a week's work, really. And there can be surprisingly delicious food if you know where to look!"

"Look, kid, I'm sorry this didn't turn out to be what you hoped, but you have to understand that this is what we do. We save people and find cash, and in the end you finally earn a good night's rest. I thought you knew all this when you asked us to recruit you in the first place!"

"I thought I knew," he muttered.

The other two just shrugged. In his corner, Bernie moaned pitifully.

"I think it's nice you came," the Delcatty remarked suddenly. She got to her feet, stretching spectacularly as she let out a huge yawn.

New stared at her. "… You do?"

"Sure! I mean, you didn't need to or anything, but you wanted to. You were being all heroic and dashing, like any good knight." She giggled, twitching her tail.

"Wow, I …" He blinked, looking thoughtful. "I never thought of it that way before. I mean … I … um … wow."

"Yeah." She gave him a mischievous look. "And I didn't even need to be rescued, but I decided to let you beat Bernie up anyway because you're so knight-like and everything. Because then when you rescued me, you would be my knight in shining armor and I'd have somebody to look up to!"

"… There are so many holes in that logic it might as well be Swiss cheese," Hera remarked flatly.

New ignored her. His sense of adventure, once diminished by long days of hard travel, began to well up within him. "You really think so?"

"Definitely." The Delcatty grinned at him. "I'm Rose, by the way."

New smiled back at her. "I know, it was on the rescue request sheet. My name's New Bus."

"New Bus? That's a fun name." She giggled. "It'll be neat saying it a lot of times … if you want to get to know me better, of course."

"Of course!"

"Great!"

They gazed at each other fondly while Hera rolled her eyes in disgust, Roger glanced around the cave for more cake, and Bernie halfheartedly started to plot vengeance against all of them.

Stories are wrong on a lot of things. But one of the few things they gets consistently right, is the satisfying sense that the challenge, no matter how bleak, is always worth it in the end.

Especially if it's a piece of cake.

*​

Coming up next: EgyptianFurShipping.

 

[floracat]

Well, well, well. Pretty good! I really like your little stories. They're different than alot of different fics, like the Contestshipping story you did. And they're kind of funny too, like the Butch and Cassidy story. And I find out about new ships. Quick question. Do you shippings pick the shippings you do randomly?

 

[SugarPesticide]

OMG a reviewer *does a nerd dance* Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you find these interesting ^_^

The shippings ... yes, the original intention was to pick them randomly; crack pairings were what I had in mind to be honest. I did allow people to request ships though. And, well ... it was FanFiction.Net, they exploited it to an unbelievable measure. Meaning that the only ones out of a 200+ to-do list that were randomly generated were Mewtwo/Regigigas, Looker/Lance, Bill/Yellow, and as-of-yet-unwritten Cress/Sawsbuck. Yes, that means pairs like Golem/Doduo were actually requested. o_0; So requesting and randomly generating are both on hold for a while, sadly.

Would you want to be on a PM list? I can start one if you like ^^;

*​

EgyptianFurShipping // Lucario & Lopunny // PG-13

"Oh New, sweetie~" Lopunny sang, swaying seductively from side to side. "I have a little sweet some-some for you to see~!"

"Not right now!" New Bus the Lucario called back, keeping his eyes glued to the widescreen TV as he jerked the Wii Wheel around. "I'm only in fifth place! I need to pass Waluigi!"

Lopunny sagged, letting her shoulders slump. She gazed down at her puff-covered hands, peering at the pom-pom-like fur with scrutiny. They were just as pretty as they'd been before, she decided. She looked back up at the video game, in which New's plumber driver had just tossed a cute little black bomb at the lanky purple demon-thing in front of him, exploding as soon as it hit the ground and sending the enemy driver flying into the air. She stared in disbelief. Surely that idiotic little pastime could not be anywhere nearly as captivating as her gorgeous self! And yet there it was, and there he was, grunting in satisfaction as he passed his foe.

"Why won't you make those noises by getting with me?" she whined, putting her hands on her hips.

"Ooooooh, Koopa shells!" New cheered, jabbing buttons. "Yessss ..."

"I brought a cake," she crooned, pulling a platter of it seemingly out of nowhere. "Chocolaty goodness, your absolute favorite!"

"Eat bananas, runt!" he laughed, lobbing yellow peels at another unsuspecting driver.

"Not hungry, then?" she chirruped, throwing the platter out the window, which resulted in a loud crash and a pitiable feline yowl. "Okay, how about a nice massage? It's real nice, it'll take all those aches and kinks out of your muscles. And you know, maybe I'll help you discover little places you didn't even know you had." She flexed her short fingers, as if groping at the innocent air.

"Haha! Take that, Birdo! Birrrrrrrrdo!" he jeered, rolling the 'R' obnoxiously. "Won't be getting in my face anymore, will you?"

"Oh, for the love of …" Dropping her hands to her sides, she marched over to the Lucario, standing between him and the TV. "New Bus, if you don't start paying attention to me, I'll get in your face!"

"Hey, watch it!" he yelled, leaning hard to the side in order to look at the screen. "I'm trying to get the Gold Star Cup here! You're ruining everything!"

She stomped a step in the same direction, blocking his view again; he simply shifted to the other side, biting his lip in concentration as he continued pushing buttons without missing a beat. Lips pressed together angrily, Lopunny stepped in front of him yet again, but New, undeterred, simply swerved both his wheel and body to the side, incidentally avoiding a fatal drop in the process.

"New Bus!" she snapped, trying to swoop down and grab him but failing miserably. "What part of 'I want to make gorgeous steamy love to you' don't you understand?" She paused, frowning slightly. "Wait, I never actually said that, did I? Lopunny, you idiot …" She facepalmed in annoyance, wondering why she hadn't made it clear to her should-be bed buddy …

"Bowser, you oaf!" New hollered, smashing through blue boxes in an attempt to find awesome power-ups. "What are you doing? Get out of first place, you're not the player character here, wipe that smile off your face, that doesn't even make sense!"

… But it didn't seem to have mattered, anyway.

"…" Lopunny growled, clenching her paws into fists. She was going to knock him a really good one.

She pulled her arm backward, fist ready to fly forward and smash into a hapless jackal skull, when—

"YES!" New leapt about five feet off the ground, pumping his fist exultantly. "I WON THE GOLD STAR CUP! I DID IT! I WON! I FINALLY WON! DID YOU SEE ME, LOPUNNY, THAT WAS SO EPIC, I WON, IN YOUR FACE BOWSER, WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW, HUH, SEND ME DRIVING INTO A BOB-BOMB, I DON'T THINK SO, YOU WENT DOWN AND OUTTA TOWN! WHOOHOO!"

He bounced off of various things, danced crazily about the room, sang to himself loudly, and threw his arms around Lopunny as he planted a firm kiss right on her mouth.

Lopunny simply stood frozen in his embrace, not daring to move.

"I'M DE WEENER!" he cheered, breaking abruptly away and jumping around again. "WHO'S DE WEENER? MARIO'S DE WEENER!"

She stared into thin air, slowly raising a hesitant paw to touch her lips. Did he just kiss her? After all that trouble she'd gone to, getting his attention, had it finally paid off? She felt her face grow hot, and a stray giggle escaped her. Maybe now she could actually get him to—

"And now just of the rest of the Grand Prix to go!" New declared, holding the Wii Wheel above his head like a trophy.

THUD!

"Lopunny?" He glanced downward, looking confused at why she would have fainted at such a momentous occasion. "Lopunny, are you okay?"

*​

Coming up next: SpecialJewelShipping.

 

[floracat]

W-O-W. That was hilarious! What a funny and cute story! That was the same Lucario from the Delcatty & Lucario pairing, right? Oh, and yes, I would like to be on the PM list. I like this. You have really cute and funny stories.

P.S. MARIO KART, YEAH!!!!!

 

[SugarPesticide]

Thanks, and done~! And yes, the Lucario is the same New Bus as before. There's a weird continuity between all these one-shots. Sort of. It's complicated.

*​

SpecialJewelShipping // Silver & Crystal // G

"Can't I have him?" Crystal begged, trailing after Silver like an adoring puppy.

"No," Silver said for the hundredth time. "He's my Pokemon, and he's going to stay my Pokemon. Stop asking for him."

"But he's a Sinnoh Pokemon!" Crystal gestured wildly at the Weavile walking nearby, who was looking increasingly perturbed by all the unwanted attention. "I don't have any Sinnoh Pokemon at all, and I need to start catching them right away! He'd be a perfect addition to my collection, he's such a fine specimen after all, and he's even kind of cute!"

"Vile?" Weavile protested, making a disgusted face and a retching sound.

"'Cute'? Are you serious?" Silver stopped walking, shaking his head in disbelief. "Weavile isn't cute. He's tough. You have really weird taste, you know that, Crystal? I mean, what else do you find cute?"

"Ahhh …" Crystal paused, rubbing the back of her head. "Well, that's a secret."

Silver stared at her.

She blushed and glanced away. "It's nothing."

He folded his arms.

"Really, it's nothing!" she protested.

He raised an eyebrow.

"I mean it!" she shouted. "I'm serious, Silver, it's absolutely, positively, and completely nothing!"

He raised the other eyebrow.

"STOP GIVING ME THAT LOOK!" she hollered, her face brilliant red. "HONESTLY, SILVER, YOU ARE SO ANNOYING, I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN TALK TO Y—"

He abruptly halted her by pulling her into his arms and planting a firm kiss on her mouth.

"…" was all Crystal could say.

"…" Silver replied eloquently.

"…" Weavile remarked, looking shocked.

When they finally broke apart a minute or so later, Silver took a deep breath and said, "You know, you should've said something a long time ago. You've been waiting years for that, haven't you?"

She nodded slightly and giggled feebly, her cheeks now a deep purple. He smirked back at her, reaching over to tease her hair fondly and getting punched in the face for his trouble.

On the sidelines, Weavile sweatdropped nervously. Humans and their courting could be so abrupt sometimes.

*​

Coming up next: ColosseumShipping.

 

[floracat]

Really good. I agree with Weavile in the end though. It was abrupt. Unlike the last fic, this one had alot more romance in it. I kinda liked that though.

And Colosseumshipping is coming up next! It's my FAVORITE game ship *cheers*. Good job as always. Keep it up!

 

[SugarPesticide]

Thanks again! And yeah, I was sort of poking fun with the whole abrupt thing. I've seen quite a few one-shots where a person admits their love for somebody else out of nowhere, so ...

*​

ColosseumShipping // Wes & Rui // PG

It wouldn't have been an ordinary day, in any case. After all, they were on a mission to steal Shadows from ignorant townspeople and malicious grunts, to purify them without getting their heads bitten off, and to take down the evil Cipher before it was too late and the entire region was corrupted. Ordinary would have been the exception rather than the rule, and a welcome break besides.

Still, normalcy was only a matter of perspective: some days were more obviously normal than others. Vicious, shaggy Shadow canines were something they saw nearly every day. But psychotic, cute Shadow fish attempting to rip out their hearts? Not so much.

"I HATE YOU!" said fish snarled, flopping around on the ground ridiculously. "I HATE YOU ALL!"

Wes shook his head in disbelief. "I still don't know what they were thinking. I mean, a Shadow Luvdisc?"

"Well, they do want to Shadowfy every Pokemon …" Rui watched the fish warily, looking slightly displeased at its invisible aura. The newly-Snagged Pokemon, growling at her angrily, pushed itself towards her in a leap that was far from graceful, but she simply batted it away with a flick of her foot. "This might be taking it too far, though."

He sighed. "You think?"

"DIE!" the Shadow Luvdisc shouted, flailing stupidly on its side. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! D—"

"I can't decide," Umbreon said to nobody in particular, "whether that's disturbing or hilarious."

"Oh, that's easy!" Espeon told her. "The most disturbing things are obviously hilarious, and the most hilarious things are clearly disturbing. So it's a package deal, really!"

Umbreon's eye twitched, but she wisely decided not to reply.

"But weirdness aside," Wes said, prodding at the roaring fish with his toe, "why's it acting like this? It's one thing for a Houndoom or Metagross to want to kill … but a Luvdisc? Even if it's a Shadow, it should still be, you know … more gentle or giggly something. It is incredibly girly, after all." He made a face at it.

"Hey!" Rui protested, placing her hands on her hips. "Just because it's pink and heart-shaped and associated with girls doesn't mean you have to hate it!"

Wes just rolled his eyes.

"DESTROY!" the fish exclaimed, snapping in their direction (or at least attempting to snap, due to the unfortunate permanent puckering of its mouth). "DESTROY THE BOND! THE BOND IS TOO BRIGHT!"

Espeon nodded wisely. "Yeah, he always gets out of those deathtraps, even though his nemeses always expect him to die. Those silly evil masterminds … What?" he asked defensively, as the others stared at him incredulously. "I can be meta-savvy, can't I?"

"…" Umbreon tried to ignore him. "But what does he mean by a 'bond'? Hmm."

The Luvdisc tried to leap at Rui, imaginary fangs bared, but she just kicked it away. "You know, it wasn't acting like when I first saw it, but when you came over it started freaking out." She took on a thoughtful look. "Maybe it hates you."

Wes snickered. "Wouldn't be the first one, then."

"They might be onto something," Espeon commented, tilting his head to the side thoughtfully.

Umbreon scoffed at him. "What, that everyone's now in a conspiracy to bombard Wes with bad intentions in order to crush the will to fight out of him?"

"That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard," Espeon said, causing Umbreon to facefault. "I'm talking about the hate issue going on here. Luvdisc are supposed to be cheery and sweet, aren't they? They can even sense love, and even go out of their ways to draw destined lovers together. But since this one is a Shadow … maybe it's trying to tear Wes and Rui apart instead! Not physically, I mean. Well, actually it would be physically, since they wouldn't be close together, but not physically as in limbs flying all over the place … oh, you know what I mean."

Umbreon blinked. "That … that's actually the smartest theory I've ever heard you come up with."

Espeon grinned. "Thanks! I think …"

"So if it's trying to tear them apart …" Umbreon raised an eyebrow. "Then would that mean … it detects something between them."

"Yeah." Espeon smirked at the two humans, who seemed by now to be taking turns kicking the idiot fish. "I've always suspected it. I wonder if they've suspected it, though I bet they haven't because they've been bickering all the time, which would lead to the whole 'she-is-not-my-girlfriend' denial, although that's only on Wes's part because he's probably not a girl, and that stuff in turn would lead to them always sticking together anyway because they know that they don't know that they don't know that they know that they're lying to themselves about the whole thing, even though part of it is because Wes needs Rui in order to identify the Shadow Pokemon, which is weird because you can always tell which ones are Shadows just by watching them act psychotic, but I guess he lets her stick around anyway because of he's impressed by her incredible psychic aura-reading ability, and also because of the denied 'not-my-girlfriend' thing and the fact that he subconsciously doesn't want her to go out with anyone else, which is a bit counterproductive because at this rate they're never going to go out with each other anyway, because they don't know that they're so in denial and that each of them really does like the other one, and not just in a friend way, because they're obviously in denial—"

"We can hear you, you know," Wes interrupted him.

"… Oh. Right."

Espeon blushed, although not as deeply as Rui and definitely not as deeply as Wes. They two humans made a point of glancing away from each other, chuckling nervously.

"Thank you, fish stick," Umbreon remarked. "You just saved us possibly several months of unresolved romantic tension."

The Luvdisc could only tremble with rage.

*​

Coming up next: NostalgiaShipping.

 

[floracat]

"I HATE YOU!" said fish snarled, flopping around on the ground ridiculously. "I HATE YOU ALL!"

Oh dear god. This part is just too freaking funny.

Wes shook his head in disbelief. "I still don't know what they were thinking. I mean, a Shadow Luvdisc?"

"DIE!" the Shadow Luvdisc shouted, flailing stupidly on its side. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! D—"

I LOVE LUVDISC NOW!!!! Oh man, this is just too cute.

"I can't decide," Umbreon said to nobody in particular, "whether that's disturbing or hilarious."

Duh! Hilarious Umbreon.

"Oh, that's easy!" Espeon told her. "The most disturbing things are obviously hilarious, and the most hilarious things are clearly disturbing. So it's a package deal, really!"

Espeon speaks the truth.

"Hey!" Rui protested, placing her hands on her hips. "Just because it's pink and heart-shaped and associated with girls doesn't mean you have to hate it!"

Exactly! Thank you Rui!

"That's the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard," Espeon said, causing Umbreon to facefault. "I'm talking about the hate issue going on here. Luvdisc are supposed to be cheery and sweet, aren't they? They can even sense love, and even go out of their ways to draw destined lovers together. But since this one is a Shadow … maybe it's trying to tear Wes and Rui apart instead! Not physically, I mean. Well, actually it would be physically, since they wouldn't be close together, but not physically as in limbs flying all over the place … oh, you know what I mean."

This is where it gets interesting.

"Yeah." Espeon smirked at the two humans, who seemed by now to be taking turns kicking the idiot fish. "I've always suspected it. I wonder if they've suspected it, though I bet they haven't because they've been bickering all the time, which would lead to the whole 'she-is-not-my-girlfriend' denial, although that's only on Wes's part because he's probably not a girl, and that stuff in turn would lead to them always sticking together anyway because they know that they don't know that they don't know that they know that they're lying to themselves about the whole thing, even though part of it is because Wes needs Rui in order to identify the Shadow Pokemon, which is weird because you can always tell which ones are Shadows just by watching them act psychotic, but I guess he lets her stick around anyway because of he's impressed by her incredible psychic aura-reading ability, and also because of the denied 'not-my-girlfriend' thing and the fact that he subconsciously doesn't want her to go out with anyone else, which is a bit counterproductive because at this rate they're never going to go out with each other anyway, because they don't know that they're so in denial and that each of them really does like the other one, and not just in a friend way, because they're obviously in denial—"

I love this part dude. I just love this part. Go Espeon! (Although, the thing sure can talk alot.)

Espeon blushed, although not as deeply as Rui and definitely not as deeply as Wes. They two humans made a point of glancing away from each other, chuckling nervously.

BEST. SHIP. EVER. Well done darkdragontamer!

"Thank you, fish stick," Umbreon remarked. "You just saved us possibly several months of unresolved romantic tension."

The Luvdisc could only tremble with rage.

And this part ^_^ right here. Awesome. When I get a Luvdisc, I'm calling it fish stick! Oh holy cow. This was AWESOME! Keep up the good stories.

Oh, and do you mind if I attempt to put this on the Colosseumshipping page?

 

[SugarPesticide]

XD Glad it was to your taste. Indeed, that was definitely one of the crackier ones of the bunch. I should probably write more in that vein, actually. Those are usually the most fun to write ... not that the more romantic ones aren't interesting to do, in their own way. But I haven't written very many that are pure romance, so I can't say for sure.

And yeah, you can put this on that page if you'd like. I feel honored ^_^

 

[SugarPesticide]

NostalgiaShipping // Grovyle & PMD2 Hero // PG-13

The two slunk through the undergrowth, keeping a wary eye on their surroundings. They knew that any shadow could conceal a potential enemy; any patch of tall grass could hide a trap. True, this was a time of light – none of the fat, lazy, and happy people of this era had even begun to turn Primal yet. But there was always the possibility that the Primal Lord had sent his minions after them to prevent the dark future from being lit. One could never be too careful. It was a lesson that they had learned the hard way.

Grovyle tensed as he caught a brief movement at the corner of his vision, spinning swiftly around with leaf-blades poised to strike; but his so-called enemy turned out to be a little Combee, buzzing happily from flower to fragrant flower. He relaxed slightly, but refused to let down his guard.

"Isn't it strange?" murmured Hera, gazing around at the verdant jungle around them. "All this greenery … I haven't seen anything like it since the Collapse. All of the forests were just ugly and shriveled as hell after that." She shuddered slightly, remembering the evil time they had narrowly escaped.

"I'm green too, if you haven't noticed," Grovyle replied dryly, slinking alongside her past bushes and trees.

"Yes, I've noticed," she admitted, patting his leafy head idly. "Lucky for me. if you weren't there, I might've forgotten that green was a color."

He couldn't help but smile at his human friend's statement. "And if you weren't there, I might have forgotten all about love and hope and ended up turning Primal like the rest of them."

"Now you're being silly," she laughed quietly, wiping her sweaty bangs out of her face.

"I'm being honest," he said, thinking of former good friends who had succumbed to the madness before his very eyes. "I could've turned just like that." He snapped his fingers ruefully.

"Oh, Grovyle," she sighed, shaking her head. He glanced up at her in confusion, but she didn't elaborate.

At length they reached the shore of a small, secluded pond, buzzing with flies and choked with algae. Pausing to catch their breaths, they felt waves of exhaustion, which they had hitherto dammed up to the best of their ability, pound over them mercilessly. There was a loud ringing in Grovyle's ears that he hadn't noticed before, and Hera's feet were so blistered that they resembled raw meat. It was all they could do not to devour all their rations at once, so long had their trek been.

"You know," Hera murmured tiredly, casting her drooping eyes over to the filthy waters, "I haven't had a decent bath in a long time …"

"That doesn't look particularly decent," Grovyle remarked, watching a clump of primordial sludge drift lazily across the pond's green surface.

She managed to raise an eyebrow. "Compared to some of the things we drank in the dark future, this is practically pasteurized."

"Touché."

She fingered at the edges of her sweat-soaked shirt. "Strange that I haven't taken this outfit off since it all went to hell … What?" she demanded weakly, noticing Grovyle's gaze.

"Well ..." He glanced away awkwardly, more out of habit than anything. "We've been going out for a long time, haven't we?"

"If going out means kicking ass together, left, right, and center, then yeah, we have."

"And we trust each other more than anything. I don't think love goes much deeper than that. So …" He trailed off, shifting awkwardly. "Maybe we should take a moment to, you know, seal the deal."

She shot him a weary glare. "Grovyle."

"Hmm?"

"We're in the middle of a potentially lethal jungle, possibly teeming with the Primal Lord's spies, and we're on a mission to avert the dark future before it begins in this time. Celebi's counting on us, she's holding Dusknoir off for us … that is, if he hasn't gotten past her already. We need rest, we're in a hurry, and you want to put all that off just to sleep with me?"

He cringed with embarrassment.

"I would've thought your priority would be to kick their asses out of the picture," she added.

"Yes, but then I met you."

"Touché."

"Hera, if we actually manage to succeed, we'll be erased from existence. We might never have another chance …" He faltered, already aware that he'd lost the argument.

She sighed. "Grovyle, as much as that tempts me, we can't put our happiness above the condition of the future. You know that."

He hung his head. "You're right, Hera, as usual. I'm sorry."

She smiled and put her lips to his sweaty forehead. "So am I, but that's just the way it is. Now, would you mind scouting the perimeter and giving me some privacy?"

"Sure." He slowly pushed himself to his feet, cringing as they ached in protest. "For you." Nodding towards her, he braced himself, took a deep breath, and began to dart through the undergrowth again, vanishing almost instantly into the dense clusters of leaves.

"Thank you," she called softly after him, a non-ironic giggle escaping her lips for the first time in a long while.

Her words were faint, but he heard them all the same. You're welcome, he thought, allowing a smile to brighten his face as he took off …

… Only for it to flip upside-down as a terrible scream ripped the air behind him. Whirling around in a flurry of leaf-blades and panic, he sprinted back the way he had come, small feet digging viciously into the earth as crashed through the undergrowth, no longer caring if he was heard.

He burst back onto the shore of the pond just in time to see a floating flare of darkness wink out of existence. Blinking, he cast his eyes swiftly about the area, wondering where she could have gone: her clothes were scattered here and there, shredded to ribbons, but Hera herself was nowhere in sight. Otherwise, everything was exactly as he'd left it. There didn't seem to be any signs of a struggle, though that scream had suggested otherwise.

"Hera!" Grovyle called out, worry etched into his tone. He focused his attention on listening, alert for any noise that might suggest she had been taken in a particular direction.

No returning shout greeted him.

"HERA!"

Still no response.

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a sense of hopelessness wash over him. How could this happen? He'd literally turned his back on her for a minute, and she'd somehow been snatched away. He should have stayed here with her, in spite of her protests, to make sure she was safe …

Then he thought of the dark future, and the Time Gears that would prevent it. His hands curled into fists as he opened his eyes partially, narrow slits staring determinedly at what remained of his love. "You were right, Hera," he said to nobody in particular. "Our mission comes first. I don't know what happened to you, but rest assured I'll finish this all for you. And if I find the bastard who took you …"

An overhanging Weepinbell dropped down towards his head, drooling mouth poised to strike as it fell. Without looking up, Grovyle swept a glowing leaf-blade over his head in a shining arc, slicing at the pitcher plant and swiftly knocking it out. As it hit the ground, he lifted his determined gaze towards the sky, glaring into the shadows that evaded the filtered sunlight.

"There'll be hell to pay."

*​

Coming up next: RangerShipping.

 

[floracat]

Well, pretty good chapter. I always wondered what happened before the game starts. Shame you don't take requests.

 

[SugarPesticide]

Yes, it is a shame. It was highly entertaining seeing what sorts of pairings people could come up with. Seriously, Golem/Doduo, what was that I didn't even.

*​

RangerShipping // Lunick & Solana // PG

It wasn't easy being Top Rangers, but somehow the two of them managed to pull it off, with the added bonus of an actual social life on the side. Now the two were off on a dangerous trek through forest-covered mountains, with only each other and their trusted partners to turn to. Their mission: discover why all the Houndoom were inexplicably migrating in this direction, and stop them if it was deemed necessary. Such a perilous adventure could only be given to talented, experienced Rangers, so being chosen was obviously considered to be a great honor.

Lunick, of course, didn't see it that way.

"You know," he remarked, after finally managing to pull himself over a cliff's edge and avoid a terrible and messy death, "everyone could've saved so much time by just implanting a tracking device in one of those Houndoom. Then we could monitor their movements from headquarters, see their destination, and voila, problem solved."

Solana nodded reluctantly. "True. But if they were part of some sinister scheme, a tracking device wouldn't do much good in breaking them up, now would it?"

"That's what helicopters are for," he quipped. She ignored that remark, simply patting his head instead.

Once he had managed to get his breath back, the two continued to climb the face of the mountain, keeping an eye on a lone Houndoom padding far ahead of them. This was their main lead, for they had been following the beast for the past several days, keeping their distance as they let it unwittingly guide them towards its destination. It was only too easy to get lost in these woods, and most of the time it was only the dog that prevented them from wandering aimlessly as well.

What soon happened was therefore inevitable.

"What d'you mean, 'he's gone'?" Lunick asked Minun incredulously. The little blue mouse just shrugged.

"Well, I guess we'll have to just go and look for him," Solana sighed, glancing around as if the hound were about to randomly pop up out of nowhere. "Come on." She started off in one direction with Plusle at her heels, realized that there was a lack of footsteps behind her, and turned around again to see Lunick still standing where she'd left him, hands in his pockets and head hanging down. "Lunick, what's wrong?"

"It's hopeless," Lunick sighed dejectedly, not seeming to notice Minun patting his head. "We've been doing this for so long, and I honestly don't know if I can take much more of this. I mean, I'm so tired, and cold, and … what was that other one?" His stomach rumbled on cue. "Right, hungry. And I just want to turn around and go back and take a nice long nap …"

"Oh, Lunick." Solana walked back over to him, shaking her head and smiling. "Listen to yourself. Have we ever let anything stop us before? No, of course not! We've battled vicious Pokemon, and the Go-Rock Squad, and worse yet, the bureaucracy. Those weren't some very pleasant things to go up against, I'll agree with you there. But they never got us to back down, never!"

Lunick frowned thoughtfully. "… I guess not …"

"And even in our darkest hours, we've never given up. You know why? It's because we've always had each other." She gazed at him fondly, then reached out and seized him in a hug. "And I need you to stay with me, Lunick. Because I can't do this on my own."

"Plus!"

"Sorry, Plusle!" she gasped, nerves singing and hair frazzled at her indignant mouse's Thundershock.

Lunick, whose hair was also standing on end, managed a grin. "I guess you're right," he admitted. "You always did see the silver lining, Solana."

After several minutes of hugging and jealous shocks from Plusle and Minun, the two Rangers continued up the mountain, hoping that they were headed in the right direction. They had been stumbling over the rocky terrain for nearly half an hour when a distant howling sound made them pause. "Did you hear that?" Solana asked a bit nervously, looking over at her partner.

"Yeah." His eyes narrowed in thought, then widened in realization. "It must be all the Houndoom!"

"It's coming from this way!" she exclaimed, pointing. The two of them resumed their trek at a more hurried pace, carefully darting over stones and roots to avoid tripping and twisting their ankles.

When they finally made their way out of the forest and to the edge of a short cliff, they had to blink several times to make sure their eyes weren't deceiving them.

Below them stood a short platform, ringed by a throng of over a hundred baying Houndoom. The dogs were facing the strange scene on the platform: it was a blue-haired man, bound in ropes and strapped upside-down to a tall pole. He was giggling like a maniac, and it was easy to see why: the nearest Houndoom were all licking at his face and hands, or scrambling over each other in their attempts to cover him in slobbery dog kisses. Nearby stood a gleeful-looking young woman, who had demonic wings and horns for some reason.

"C-call your dogs off!" the man managed to gasp in between bouts of laughter. "Call them off, p-please!"

"You have to promise you'll marry me, Marth," the demonic woman replied, grinning evilly.

"N-no!" he choked out weakly.

"You sure? I think you might end up changing your mind," she said with a smirk, watching him dissolve into a giggle-induced spasm as the dogs continued to lick him, tails wagging.

From their vantage position, Solana and Lunick glanced at each other. "… Huh," Solana said finally.

"Should we stop them?" Lunick asked, watching the scene nervously.

Solana shrugged. "It doesn't look like it's causing any harm. Permanent physical harm, anyway. And it does give me an idea or two …" She turned to grin at her partner mischievously.

Lunick turned deathly pale. "Oh no …"

*​

Coming up next: RepairShipping.