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Silverine

This is a new fic I've been working on for a little while. I've got the first chapter done, but I wanted to post the prelude first.
Yes, I know Suicunes don't have genders. It's just that giving them genders is easier than referring to them as 'it.'

All characters in this story (except the actual Pokemon) are of my own invention. ^_^

Rated: PG (maybe PG-13 later for some battle scenes, I'll change it if it needs it once I write those chapters)

Anyway, here you go:

Silverine
A Prelude​

She stood on the cliff, stone still as she watched the young boy below her. Her crimson eyes blazed in their intensity, creating a contrast to the light whines that sometimes issued from between her jaws. The boy continued to walk onward, unaware that he was being observed. Not so much as a shiver passed over the large blue creature’s form until the boy was out of sight beyond a far hill.

When he was no longer in her line of sight she whirled around and leapt off through the forest, pulling leaves and small twigs behind her in her slipstream. Her long purple mane fanned out behind her as her legs extended farther and farther in front of her, seeming to grip and pull at the earth in front of her, throwing it behind her as she moved. She swerved only slightly to avoid trees and other obstacles that cropped up in her path and she did not slow as the ground beneath her feet turned to swiftly flowing water.

She followed the river for quite some distance, down the mountain and along an open plain; into a dense pine forest and across a jagged, rocky landscape. Eventually she slid to a stop, spraying water behind her, and left the river to stand on the jagged bank. She looked around warily, as if suspicious that she was being followed. When she saw no other creatures in the vicinity she proceeded forward at a light jog.

The craggy wall of a plateau rose in front of the Suicune. She approached it calmly, easily stepping up onto a thin path along the wall and following it halfway up the rock face. There she quickly slipped inside a slim cave mouth. Inside was a passageway barely wide enough for the Suicune to walk along, but she squeezed along the narrow corridor knowing her destination was close at hand.

Eventually a white light began to glimmer at the end of the corridor and then she was out in the open once again. A beautiful utopia lay before her. Berry trees of all kinds, bushes and flowers and vines, small lakes with tiny waterfalls; all spread before her in the magnificent hidden valley.

Unsurprised by the beauty before her, the Suicune continued onward to meet her two companions, an Entei and Raikou. The two lay on the grass beneath a tall Oran tree a short distance from a small pond. The Raikou looked up as the Suicune approached and rose to his feet to greet her. She stopped a few feet away from the two other legendary dogs, watching their calculating looks warily.

: “So, did you find him?” :

: “Yes, sister. How much longer must we wait?” :

A slight smirk passed the Suicune’s jaws. : “Do not worry, brothers, I have found him. And this time I will not lose him.” :
 
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Its definitely not a bad start, as far as the plot goes, but it lacks features to capture the audience's attention. The plot I can tell, is different and possibly unique, but you need to add more to the story to fully harness that potential.

The description is well done and detailed, but it is still far too short. I'm aware that its only a prologue (yes, thats what its called. A prequel is a story that precedes another, not a prologue), but even that should be at least one page on Microsoft Word. Your grammar is nice, except with a few typos here and there, and your punctuation and paragraphing is fine, but more description is needed. Also, you don't really have to put the colons between the speaking parts.

For the content, your description is superb, but you have severely under-described the boy in question. Where is he? We know he is beneath the Suicune on the cliff, but how do we know he's not drowning in the ocean, or riding his bike up the slope? What does he look like? A man in his 40s wearing a school uniform? Or a foetus rolling in the grass? Hey, we don't even know if its human!

In short, its a great prologue, but it should really be ideally lengthened. But don't give up!
 
we have an artist in our midst. yeah it's short but i see that unlike many other hopeful writers, you have the talent needed. btw, there is no length requirement for prologues

A. very good description. something many, many people are lacking. i liked how you made the imagery and i could form a vivid picture in my head. to be a succesful writer, you need to make images in reader's heads.

B. it's very well written, it's in a format easy on eyes.

C. so far, it's very interesting. i would like to see the plot advance. hopefully, you'll see more of me in the future.

advice: write a bit more. im here to procratinate and kill time so let me do that. in later chapters, you'll need at least two pages.

also, depending on how much you write, post often but not too often. if you write 2-10 pages, post twice a week. if you write 80+, most authors try once a month. then look for that gray area in between.

hopefully, i see much more of this in the future
 
Yonowaru in Chaos: Thanks for the advice! ^_^ I didn't put too much about the boy because I describe him in detail later (as you will see, the story is from his perspective). Also, I put the colons before and after the quotation marks to show that it was Pokemon that were speaking.

qwerqwer: Thank you! *hugs* My first chapter (posted below) is four-and-one-half pages. Hopefully it's long enough to satisfy. ^_^

Chapter One​

I shrugged my pack into a more comfortable position on my shoulders and breathed deeply of the chill air. I turned and waved a quick farewell to the kind trainer whose Blastoise had ferried me across the small stretch of water then faced away from the sunrise and strode down the main thoroughfare of New Bark Town.
Several small houses sat along the wide dirt pathway, their shutters closed tight against the winds that had blown snow against the windows all winter. That snow was now piled about two feet deep against every wall, fence, woodpile, or upright surface in sight. Luckily the path before me was traversed often enough that it was merely damp and slightly muddy instead of slippery and snow-packed.
Professor Elm’s laboratory was snuggled deeply between a few larger-than-usual snowdrifts. It had no shutters, but the windows had thick curtains that were drawn tight to keep the warmth in. It was only nine in the morning, but Professor Elm had told that he arrived at the lab around seven on normal days, so I was not at all surprised to see him at his work station as I opened the door and quickly stepped inside. The Professor looked up and smiled broadly at me, stepping forward with arms outstretched.
“Ah, Taylor, you’re here! Your mother told me you were coming, but I hadn’t expected you would be here so soon!”
I accepted his embrace willingly. He had been long time friends with my dad before my dad had been in a fatal accident two years earlier and I knew him well. He stood back with his hand on my shoulder to get a better look at me.
“Wow, just look at how big you’ve gotten. I can’t believe you’re twelve already.”
I smiled that odd kind of half smile that is typical of kids when they’re told how small they were last time someone saw them. Prof. Elm chuckled and ruffled my hair, sending the already messy spikes of blonde locks into even further disarray.
“I suppose you’re here for your first Pokémon, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess…”
I smiled sheepishly, still kind of unsure why I was deciding to start my own Pokémon adventure now. Most kids started when they were eight. Why I had waited four extra years was still unknown, even to myself.
“Well, come on, and I’ll show you what you have to choose from.”
I followed Professor Elm into a small room off of the main lab. A small area was fenced in with short wire fencing and three young Pokémon were playing together inside of it. I recognized the three immediately as a Chikorita, a Cyndaquil, and a Totodile. The Cyndaquil was having a grand time trying to push the Totodile over while the Totodile ran away. The Chikorita stood in the middle of the area and kept making sounds that made it seem as if it were berating the Cyndaquil for harassing the Totodile.
The three Pokémon immediately stopped playing as I stepped forward. All three ran to the wire fence and looked up at me hopefully.
“All three were hatched fresh yesterday by Kira. You’re actually quite lucky to get here when you did. I’ve got two more kids coming over later, and if you’d been any later you would have been left with the leftovers.” He looked apologetically at the Pokémon. “As it is, they’ll have to take whichever two you don’t.”
“I already know which one I want.” I reached into the pen and picked up the small Cyndaquil. It squirmed once, getting a better position in my arms, then lay quietly. I had always been a fan of fire types, and I wasn’t particularly fond of grass types or alligators.
Elm nodded and patted the Cyndaquil on the head. “An awesome choice. This little one is a boy. According to Kira the girls are quite rare.” He looked at my Cyndaquil in a thoughtful manner for a moment then shook his head. “Anyway, what are you going to name it?”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “I can name it?”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t you be able to?”
I shrugged, unable to think of an answer, then looked back down at the Cyndaquil. It yawned once and blinked a few times. I couldn’t really see anything remarkable about it, but I was fond of it all the same.
“I think I’ll call him Backfires.” I had heard several trainers back home talking about Typhlosions and how they had flames coming out of their backs. I hoped that my Cyndaquil would some day evolve into a Typhlosion so that perhaps the name would suit it. “Is that alright with you, little guy?”
“Cynda?” There was a glint of confusion in Backfires’s eyes, but I had expected that.
Elm patted me on the back and held out a small red and white ball.
“This is Backfires’s Pokéball. You can use it if you want, but I’ve seen a few trainers that prefer to keep their Pokémon out and free to walk with them.”
I nodded and followed Elm out of the small room.
“So, Taylor, what are your plans for the rest of the day?”
“Well, I’m not all that sure. I was thinking I’d start out toward Cherrygrove City, but I still need to get some stuff before I go.”
“Ah, so you’re planning on heading to Cherrygrove, huh? Would you mind if I asked a favor of you?”
“Uh, no… I guess not…”
“Awesome!” Professor Elm bounced once on his toes happily. “You see, my friend, Mr. Pokémon, e-mailed me earlier. He says that he’s made a new discovery. I really can’t leave the lab right now, but he’s says it’s urgent. He lives just north of Cherrygrove, so would you mind popping over there and finding out what he wants me for?”
I shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“Great! Thanks a lot!” He smiled broadly and patted me on the back again. “As for supplies, we’ve got anything you could need here at the lab.” He motioned towards a door labeled ‘Storage Room.’ “Feel free to look through it all and take what you want. If you want to stay here for a night I’ve always got an extra room.”
“That would be great, thanks.”
Professor Elm ruffled my hair for the second time in one day and turned back to his lab station.
“I’ve got to get back to work, but feel free to wander around.”
I watched Professor Elm work for a few moments, then looked down at Backfires. He looked back up at me and blinked.
“Well, I guess we’re partners now, huh?”
“Quuuill!”
I snickered and placed Backfires on the floor. “Come on then, let’s go take a look in that storage room.”
Backfires followed quickly in my footsteps as I crossed to the door of the storage and had to shove it open. There were piles of boxes along all four walls, barely any of them labeled. I already had a sleeping bag and all the food I would need to get to Cherrygrove City, but I grabbed a few Potions and Full Heals and placed them neatly into my pack. I looked around and couldn’t find anything else that I thought I would need before I reached the PokéMart in Cherrygrove.
“So, what do you think? Have we got everything?”
“Quuuill.”
Backfires pushed a can of PokéFood toward me. I mentally slapped myself. How could I have forgotten?
“Thanks bud. Sorry.” I grabbed several cans of PokéFood and placed them in a separate pocket of my pack. “I won’t forget next time, I promise.”
“Quil, cynda.”
I stroked Backfires once along his spine and held out my arm. “Want a ride?”
Backfires clambered easily up my arm and came to rest on my right shoulder. I smiled over at him and stood from my previously stooped position, turning to leave the storage room.
Professor Elm and his aides waved a farewell to me as Backfires and I left the lab. We exited into bright sunlight. I had spent barely an hour in the lab, but already the sun had climbed high enough into the sky to shed light into the deepest crevices.
Several of the residents of New Bark Town were out and about, chatting with neighbors and working alongside their Pokémon to clear previously un-movable snow from their walkways and windowsills. I walked along the thoroughfare between the houses, Backfires riding on my shoulder as I observed the goings-on of the town.
I finally got bored with watching the townspeople shovel snow or gossip with each other and wandered over to a bench near Professor Elm’s house at the edge of town. I plopped down onto it and rummaged through the large main pocket of my pack for my guide book. I flipped through to Violet City and started reading. There was a lot of info on Sprout Tower in the northeastern part of Violet City and the Ruins of Alph just to the southwest, but the only thing I was really interested in was the gym.
The leader of Violet Gym was Falkner, and he used flying type Pokémon. I knew from previous study that electric, rock, and ice type Pokémon were the best to use against flying-type Pokémon, but I also knew that none of those types were available between New Bark Town and Falkner’s gym. I looked up at Backfires.
“So, do you think we can take him?”
Backfires looked at me and nodded emphatically.
“Cyn-DAA!”
I chuckled and scratched the top of Backfires’s head. That was exactly the attitude that I wanted my starter Pokémon to have.
“Hey, what’s so funny?”
I flinched and spun my head around to find the source of the voice. I was greeted by the sight of a smiling female face framed by silver, gold-streaked hair set in a high ponytail that swept down below the girl’s shoulders. I couldn’t tell what color her eyes were because her lids were currently scrunched together from her brilliant smile. Her melodious laughter filled my ears and I found myself unable to speak.
Eventually she fell silent and her eyes opened wide enough for me to see that her irises were a brilliant shade of sea green that would flicker and become blue depending upon the lighting.
“So, you must be Taylor. I heard from the Prof. that you would be coming to pick up a starter sometime soon. Nice choice with the Cyndaquil. Personally I think he was the best of that hatching, wouldn’t you agree?”
I blinked several times, still dumbstruck. I mumbled incoherently several times, then something she had said struck a chord and in my memory. “Wait… You wouldn’t be Kira, would you?”
She nodded, causing her ponytail to bounce enthusiastically. “Yep, that would be me alright!”
“What are you doing here?”
She tilted her head to the side, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be here?”
“Don’t you have your own ranch somewhere or something?”
“Oh! Yeah, well, I do, but I have to come down here every few days to deliver the latest hatchlings. I spend a day or two down here when I come. I like to see who gets my little ones.” She reached over and patted Backfires. He leaned into her touch and she smiled down at him. “So, where are you headed?”
“I’m planning to take on the Johto League, so I’m pretty much going to head along the map in my guide book.”
“That’s awesome. It’s been a while since I last took on the Johto League. I’m not entirely sure that they’d welcome me back after the thrashing I gave them last time.” Her smile widened and once again her eyes were lost in the forest of her long lashes. She swung around to the front of the bench and sat down on my right side.
“When was the last time you battled the Johto gyms?”
“Officially? Oh, about three years ago. Unofficially I still battle the leaders every now and then. Falkner likes trying to find ways to get around Jolteveon and Demyx. He hasn’t found one yet.” I could hear the pride in her voice.
“I’ll take a wild guess and say that Jolteveon is a Jolteon, but what’s Demyx?”
“He’s my main Glaceon. I caught him as a shiny Eevee and couldn’t wait to get him up to Ice Rock near Snowpoint City to battle him and evolve him into a Glaceon. He makes the perfect partner for Zexion, my Leafeon.” As Kira spoke she fingered the three Pokéballs on the front of the leather strap that she wore slung over one shoulder.
“A bit obsessive over Eevees, huh?”
She chuckled lightly. “Not really, I just enjoy finding uses for the Pokémon that nobody thinks are worth anything. I use odd Pokémon like Luxray that no one thinks will ever be able to amount to anything because they’ve got one aspect that isn’t ideal. I take those Pokémon and use them to the best of their ability. They haven’t failed me yet.”
Her words caused me to look up at Backfires. I watched him and wondered if he and I would form the kind of partnership that she seemed to have with her Pokémon. She seemed to know the path my thoughts were taking and smiled over reassuringly.
“Don’t worry; I’m sure you and Backfires will be great friends. The only reason I didn’t form a close bond with my original starter is that I already had my heart set on a Luxray. My Piplup never had a chance.”
I smiled to myself. “So, what are you doing after this? Are you just going back to the ranch or do you have other plans?”
“Well, I’ve got my pal Shiro taking care of the breeding for now. Your plan for taking on the Johto League got me thinking about all I’ve been missing while sitting around back at home.” She thought for a while then seemed to come to a decision. “Would you mind if I went with you?”
I looked over at her, surprised. I didn’t answer at first, not sure if I really wanted a travelling companion – especially one that was female and at least five years older than me. But then I figured that it would probably be wise to have a skilled trainer along with me incase I needed advice or something.
“Sure, yeah, I guess.”
“Thanks!” She swung her ponytail over to one soldier and got to her feet. “I guess I better go pack then. I’ll meet you at the Professor’s house in the morning.”
 
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