Changes.....

[~ContestChampion~]

Okay, this fic (in later chapters) also has a little bit of contestshipping in it for you Contestshippers!
Changes-Ch.1:The Beginning

I woke up, feeling the warm sun on my face. I groggily got out of bed and washed my face, combed back my long silver hair, and put on my clothing of a sky blue top,and jeans. I then grabbed my pokemon team, and qiuetly crept downstarirs so I wouldn't wake up my parents, who usually slept until the time school started, which was 7:30. My day always started out like this since my family moved to Hoenn 2 years ago... when it happened. I shook my mind off of the topic and headed to school.
When I got to school, I had to push through two gigantic crowds of fangirls just to get to my buddy May Maple.
"Did you see the two groups of fangirls?" May asked I gave her a look that made it blatantly obvious I had. "Er... Mai... your shirt.... looks just like mine, only yours a sky blue color!" I sweatdropped.
"You DIDN'T notice that for about two years? Wow, I thought I was desperate..." I teasingly remarked, but still stunned that May didn't notice. "Let's head to art class now, before we get run over by the mob!" May nodded, seeing that the fangirls were running toward us. She quickly caught up with me, being halfway toward the door already, narrowly avoiding damge by the mob.
--------------------------------------------------
As soon as class settled down, Juan introduced a new student who, apparently was a guy with spiky ebony hair with sharp, yet gentle chesnut eyes that were burning into my own eyes. I quickly looked away. I heard whispers behind me,and I could barely make out what they were saying, but went something along the lines like this: "Is Mai related to that guy? They look so similar!" "I know, what a coincidence! And I thought May and Mai were distant cousins or something like that!" I took a glance at the people beside me who were girls, and, they were writing in their journals, but I call them the "Hot Guys Handbook." I used to have one of those myself, until..... why am I thinking of this? I shook my head again, returning my attention to the guy's introduction just in time to hear Juan seat him behind me. So when Juan told me to raise my hand I reluctantly did so, the guy, whose name was Ian scurried to his seat. Finally, Juan switched subjects.
"Now class, today your assignment is to draw 3 of your favorite pokemon. i want you all to make this your best art, because whoever's pictures are the best will recieve a prize from me." With that, Juan went to his desk and started drawing his own favorites. I took out three pieces of paper, and decided I would draw Dratini, Eevee, and Blaziken, my three favorite pokemon of all time. I began on my art.
---------------------------------------------------
By the time I was done with my artwork, everyone else had finished and was doing something else. When I turned them in, Juan took a look and posted them on the board, like he had done with everyone else's. He then called the class to attention.
"We are now going to vote to see who's artwork will win the prize! Everyone please come up and vote for your favorites!" Juan exclaimed by the time everyone was done, it was already time for the Coordination Class which I had with May. By the time I got to the Coordinator's Dome, I saw two young men talking with the Head Coordinator. I was shocked to see who one of them was- Ian. I always thought of him as a battler, being the fact he had the tough look. But I guess it's okay if you are a coordinator that also battles in Tournament leagues like I do, look hot... wait what in the world am I thinking? I don't even know him! I shook off that creepy thought and headed to the stadium in the middle of the dome to practice my Contest strategies.
---------------------------------------------------
Comments anybody? I know it's short, I will make the next chappie longer!

 

[Yami Ryu]

.....

Advice For Aspiring Readers

You seriously need to read that and work on your characters. So far you've rushed this, made your plot bland, and same with your characters. Also don't squash your chapter together, and don't get lazy and use 2 when it'll only take two seconds to write two.

And I really hope you do make your next chapter longer, and maybe put some more effort into it also.

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Ok! Yeah... it was rushed.... I only thought of it twenty minutes ago..... and the next chapter WILL be longer!
Preview:
Chapter two: Coordination Blues!
When Mai finds out she gets Ian for a partner in Febuary's Valentine's Contest, she tries making Ian's life turn for the worst. And what's worse, memories of an old friend come flooding back into her memory, haunting her every minute of the day! Will Mai succeed in overcoming her dreadful memory, or will she remain haunted forever?

 

[Astinus]

*stands on her soapbox with the Microsoft logo on it*

Let me tell you something: I think up an idea for a story. I start to write it. I save to my computer(or put it on paper) so I can look back on it to proof-read and make sure that everything is the best I can make it.

Just becuase you thought of a story idea twenty minutes ago, doesn't mean that you have to get it out as quickly as you can to the masses. :/

Now, why would Mai wear both a skirt and jeans? And in the Pokémon world, they do have different hair colors than "ebony."

I would also advice you to not have your characters be best friends of canon characters. It's just something that's frowned upon, at least by some people. Just get others' opinions on it.

Your characters are flat, but you can get ways to change this in the Advice thread. Just read that and try for a better chapter.

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Thx.... this is my first fanfic.... I will get rid of the skirt.... and I wanted a bit of Contestshippy hints in it anyways... i suck at writing... that's why I get C minus in class.... Drew and May will/might disappear from the fanfic soon.... and anyways what should I change Mai's hair to? Silver or Chesnut brown? Any suggestions?

 

[katiekitten]

Hey, don't worry! Helping you get better is what we are here for. Trust me, you will notice the difference in your scores as you go along. Just pop along there and read it, write up the next chapter, and we'll help you get there. =D

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Thx 4 the encouraging remark! I'm not even close to being done with the second chapter, but I will have it up by the end of today or tomorrow morning! =) You know what? I'm not even done with chapter two, and I already am thinking of ideas for the third chapter! O_O;;;

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Well, I have chapter two up! I hope you like it!
Ch.2-Coordinator Blues!

-------------------------------------------------Mai's POV
I slowly walked down the stadium's corridor, gazing at the pictures on the wall of winners from the past. They are pictures of who have won Petalburg's yearly Valentine's Day Pokemon Contest in the Partner Category. I saw a picture of two Eevee with ribbons, and I stopped to look at the coordinators who owned these pokemon. What I saw made my heart sink. It was him and I holding our pokemon proudly, two days before... it happened.
' Face it Mai, he's gone for good!' a voice in my head screamed.
" I can't... I love him..." I softly replied to the voice who ever continously bombarded my mind with thoughts of him. A tear rolled down my cheek. Not wanting to stay any longer, for the fear I might suddenly start crying uncontrollably, I hurried out into the stadium. I was just in time to hear Jill, our Head Coordinator give out today's assignment.
" Now, this year Petalburg is holding its yearly contest in the Coordinator's Dome instead of the Petalburg Gym, and it has two events. One is the Partner Appeal as usual, and the other one is a Single Appeal, for those coordinators who can think of an extra appeal. Now, before we begin choosing partners for the contest, does anyone have any questions?" Jill looked around. "No? Okay. Since last year, the girl chose which of the guys they would have as a partner, this year let's have the boys choose the girls. Ian, you pick first." I could feel yet again his eyes burning into mine, so I looked all around me. From what I could see, mostly all the girls, except for a few, had hearts in their eyes. I knew they wanted him to pick them. Unfortunately, my luck curbed and ran all the way to the moon.
" I choose... Mai," he said, catching me off guard. In the distance I could hear some girls saying how lucky I am and some guys stating how lucky they aren't. Either way, I was unlucky. I sighed.
"Drew?" Jill went on. not noticing my sigh of sadness.
" I choose the girl in red with the puppy ears," Drew remarked.
" PUPPY EARS?!?!?! Oh you, you little-" May started to fume, but was cut off by Drew simply tossing her a red rose. May caught it and started to blush. "He's so gonna get it!" she mumbled as she walked past me. I looked around. All the girls glared at May and I as we went to our partners. Ian, Drew, May and me headed to the nearest fields to practice.
--------------------------------------------------
When we got to the field, Ian told me to use a pokemon that knows the move Psychic. I happily replied, "I have two pokemon that know Psychic, so I'll use Beautifly!"
"Beauitfly, eh? Good choice because I'm using Masquerain!" Ian smirked. "C'mon, I'll tell you about the routine i'm coming up with!" Ian replied. "You see, Beautifly and Masquerain could use Silver Wind to make an heart, and Beautifly keep it together with Psychic. Then, Masquerain can use Ice Beam to freeze the heart, and then Beautifly could use Morning Sun and Masquerain Sunny Day to melt the heart! What do you think?"
"How about we make the heart like you said, freeze it, use Quick Attack on it, then use Gust to blow it to the audience?" I suggested, smiling. Ian thought about it.
"Well," he said " Since it uses half of what we could have done, well, sure!"
We started practicing our routine, and it was better than I expected. We even got a good introduction for our appeal.
"I was wondering, are you entering the Single's Appeal for the contest?" I asked suddenly.
"Nah, not this time......" Ian said, gazing at our two pokemon.
They were now striking up a conversation with each other.
"Well, since you're not doing anything, could you rate my appeal?" I asked, hoping he would say yes.
"Sure, I hope you don't act as bad as you make yourself seem!" he teased, smirking.
"Whatever... Go Eevee!" I said doing my trademark release. "Combine Quick Attack and Double Team with Dig!" I shouted. When Eevee used combined Dig, Eevee had a tendancy to backflip and go back into the hole and back out in a circle. This caused a ring-like form of light. I couldn't tell by the look on his face whether Ian liked the appeal or not. "Now combine Psychic and Shadow Ball!" I continued. This filled in the gap in the middle, making it look like a black vortex, waiting to suck something up."Now combine Quick Attack with Protect and go through Shadow Ball!" This created an impression as if Eevee was a light green comet or a shooting star that flew throgh a time vortex.Eevee landed with a soft thud on it's paws. "What do you think? Do you like it?" I asked.
"Wow, I'm very impressed. Congrats, I'm sure you'll win the contest" he stated as he tossed to me an orange-yellow rose. He then left. I think he saw me blushing, because he smiled.
--------------------------------------------------
The next day, Juan was announcing the winners of the art contest. "Brianne, you have third place, Ian, you have second. You had really great artwork. I was about to make your art first place, but this person's artwork was so realistic, I actually thought that there was a real pokemon on the paper. So I proudly present to you our first place winner-" Juan was cut off when Roxanne's voice came on in the intercom.
"Students, I have exciting news! This year, we are going to host a Valentine's Day Dance! So invite that special girl or guy in your heart and come Febuary 14 to the Coordinator's Dome! This is Roxanne, over and out!" The students got very excited and very loud. It took Juan's yelling just to settle them down. Then he continued.
"The winner of this art contest is-Mai," he concluded, emphasizing my name. The class clapped for me.I just blushed and took the prize- a notebook and a set of pencils- and went back to my desk. "Okay, class, since we are nearing Valentine's Day, today's assignment is to write a poem about the special person in your life. This, once again, will be a contest, so do your best." with that, he again shufled to his desk.
I wasn't very good at poems, but this time, things came easily. I got something like this:
I loved you and you loved me
That's what everyone could see
But then that day you broke my heart
I felt as if I didn't do my part
I should have stayed with you, kept you safe
Maybe you wouldn't have been in that place
What did I do wrong? I did the best that I could
Now you are gone in something harder than wood
But I still know this true
You love me, and I love you
I almost cried rereading my poem, so I turned it in to Juan, who put it in a pile and went to score them to see who would get first place, second and third. I grabbed my bag, being the only one left and headed towards the Coordinator's Dome.
-------------------------------------------------- Ian's POV
After art, I met up with May and Drew in the hall.
"May, Drew, meeting after school, okay?" I told them.
"All right. How about Mai? won't she feel left out?" They asked at me confused.
"No, she's going to pratice her appeal for the contest after school," I replied.
--------------------------------------------------
"Okay, you guys I need your help," I stated, growing even more nervous as I thought about the topic.
"On what?" May and Drew asked, curious.
"On asking Mai to the Valentine's Dance!" I replied glowing a bright red.
"So you DO like her! I knew that!" he exclaimed. Drew smirked proudly. I smirked back.
"Like you like-" Drew covered my mouth. May was sweat-dropping. Drew finally let go of my mouth and calmed down.
"What can we help you with?" May asked.
"Well, could you come to the park with us tonight? I want to make sure that if I am rejected I don't get any of my body parts broken, and if I do, you guys will help me get better. Okay?" I said.
"Okay!" they replied, laughing.
--------------------------------------------------
That night, Mai, May, Drew and I went walking in the park. We were having so much fun, and I even caught myself an Eevee! But then May and Drew 'left' Mai alone with me. Actually, they just went behind a giant tree to hear me ask Mai to the dance.
"Um... Mai...." I said, getting her attention. She looked at me.
"Hm?" she said, so i knew I got her attention
"W-will you...uh.. gotothedancewithme?" I managed to get out. She thought about it ( I know she couldn't understand what I had said) and then slapped me in the face. I looked her in the eye, rubbing my cheek. She had a furious look.
" Do you know what that cost me two years ago? DO YOU?!?!?" Mai yelled, and ran off crying.May and Drew came out.
"Oh no.........." May said.
"What do you mean?" I asked confused. May looked at me, almost crying.
"Okay, I'll tell you what happened two years ago." May said.
-------------------------------------------------- Flashback
A young boy with blue hair poked the girl with silver hair in the stomach.
"Hey!" the girl squealed. She pushed him back into the water. The boy got up and pushed her against a wall, then gently brought her closer to him.
Will you love me forever Mai?" he said, his face only 5 centimeters away from hers. The girl looked into his sharp chocolate brown eyes.
"Of course, Brandon, of course." Mai said, and pressed her lips against his.
[FONT= "ARIAL BLACK"] 6 Months Later.....
"Brandon, watch out!" Mai yelled. But it was too late. Brandon was hit by a moving truck and knocked unconsious. Mai called an ambulance, growing more nervous by the minute, for his breaths were becoming shallower by the minute. The ambulance finally came and hurried him to the hospital. Inside the ER, the doctors gasped. He was gone. Dead. When they told Mai the news, she started sobbing uncontrollably. The doctor led her inside the ER room. Mai knelt beside Brandon's dead body, grasping his cold dead hand.
"Why did you leave me Brandon? Why? Do you really love me? If this is how love for me is going to be, then I vow that I will never love anyone other than you ever again!" Mai vowed[/FONT]
-------------------------------------------------- End Flashback
"And to this day, Mai has kept her vow, slapping anyone that falls in love with her, or just even asks her to go to some romantic event with them. But I was hoping that you would change her mind, and I still believe you can! Go find her and try comforting her. Then ask again. Maybe she will change her mind!" May exclaimed. So I went to find Mai.I finally found her sitting on a rock, crying.
"Mai..." she looked up."Look I understand what you are going through." I settled down beside her.
"So May told you, huh?" I nodded. She looked at me and smiled. "Look I'm sorry for what I did to you earlier. I just.. can't let go of him..."
"Well, you should. Brandon wouldn't want to see miserable like this! Now, er..um.. will you go to the dance with me, Mai?" I asked her. She smiled and blushed a little.
" Ok, I'll let go of Brandon. And about the dance, well of course! I thought you would never ask!"
-------------------------------------------------
Comments anyone? =) <(-"-)>}=====> KIRBY!!

 

[Yami Ryu]

.. :/ still scrunched up and well, I don't see how this is supposedly contest shipping when you focus on your two characters, and well, make Mai out to be some bleeding heart romantic or something.

And it seems you are confused that longer = better. No. It does not. It does if you only write a paragraph and call it a chapter. But when it's flat, bland, rushed and well, has no real depth to it. No matter how long you make it, it does not make it better.

Next time, try to put a teeensy bit more effort into the next chapter.

Edit: Also sig rules are: 3 pics max if you have no banners.

 

[Astinus]

I slowly walked down the stadium's corridor, gazing at the pictures on the wall of winners from the past who have won Petalburg's yearly Valentine's Day Pokemon Contest in the Partner Category.

Way too long of a sentence. You could easily break it into two, with a full stop after "past" and then saying "The pictures were of..."

I saw a picture, of two Eevees with ribbons, and I stopped to look at the coordinator's who owned these pokemon.

Don't need the comma after "picture". You don't need an apostrophe in "coordinators". To make a plural of a Pokémon name, you don't add a "s". It's understood when you leave it alone.

It was me and him holding our pokemon proudly, two days before... it happened.

To make it really correct, you should have it say "It was he and I holding our Pokémon..."

" I can't.... I love him...."

Only three full stops make an ellipses. Also, move "A tear rolled down my cheek" to this paragraph.

Not wanting to stay any longer, for the fear I might suddenly start crying uncontrollably, I hurried out into the stadium just in time to hear Jill, our Head Coordinator give out today's assignment.

Way too long of a sentence, and could easily be broken down to two or three.

Jill looked around

Missed the full stop at the end.

From what I could see, mostly all the girls (except for a few) had hearts in their eyes.

Replace the parenthesis with commas.

Unfortunately, my luck curbed and ran all the way to the moon.

Not a phrase used in narration. But it might still stay seeing as how this is from Mai's POV.

" I choose... Mai." he said, catching me off guard. I the distance I could hear some girls saying how lucky I am and some guys stating how lucky they aren't.

Replace the full stop after "Mai" with a comma. The "I" should be "In" for the second sentence. "aren't" should be "weren't".

Unfortunately, Jill didn't see my sigh of sadness.

Mind explaning how one can see a sigh? Also, this and the sentence after should go with Jill's dialogue to show that it is her "going on."

I sweatdropped.

"sweat-dropped." I personally don't like seeing emotions conveyed anime-style, which means that I also didn't like the "hearts in their eyes".

" I choose the girl in red with the puppy ears." Drew remarked.

Change the full stop after "ears" with a comma.

May started to fume.

Put this in the same paragraph as...

" PUPPY EARS?!?!?! Oh you, you little-"May started to say, but was cut off by Drew simply tossing her a red rose. May caught it and started to blush. "He's so gonna get it!" she mumbled as she walked past me. I looked around.All the girls glared at May and I as we went to our partners. Ian, Drew, May and I headed to the nearest fields to practice.

"Puppy ears" looks slightly annoying in all caps and with all the exclaimation and quetion marks. You need a space between the quptation marks and "May". Same with between "around" and "All". Lastly, change the "I" in "May and I" to "me".

I happily replied, "I have two pokemon that know psychic, so I'll use Beautifly!" Ian smirked.

This should be its own paragraph. "Psychic" should be capitalized as it is an attack. "Ian smirked" should be in the next paragraph with his dialogue.

C'mon, I'll tell you about the routine i'm coming up with!" Ian replied, clearly excited.

"Clearly excited" is not needed because the reader can tell that he is by the exclaimation points.

Then, Masquerain can use Ice beam

Capitalize "Beam".

I smiled.
"How about we make the heart like you said, freeze it, use Quick Attack on it, then use Gust to blow it to te audience?" I suggested. Ian thought about it.

"I smiled" should be with Mai's dialogue. "Te" should be "The". "Ian thought about it" should be in the next paragraph.

"Well," he said " Since it uses half of what we could have done, well, sure!" he replied.

Full stop after "said". And you don't need "he replied" because we already know he was talking.

We started practicing our routine, and it was better than I expected. We even got a good introduction for our appeal.

Make it its own paragraph.

"I was wondering, are you entering the Single's Appeal for the contest?" I asked suddenly, just out of the blue.

"Suddenly" and "just out of the blue" mean the same thing, so drop the last one.

"Nah, not this time......" Ian said, gazing at our two pokemon who were now striking up a conversation with each other.

Only three fulls stops to make an ellipses. And the information about the two Pokémon should be in its own sentence.

"Sure, I hope you don't act as bad as you make yourself seem!" he smirked.

"He smirked" is not a dialogue tag, so it should be its own sentence.

"Whatever... Go Eevee!" I said doing my trademark release "Combine Quick Attack and Double Team with Dig!" I shouted. This caused a ring-like form of light."Now combine Psychic and Shadow Ball!" I continued This made the ring kind of like a vortex."Now combine Quick Attack with Protect!" This created a look as if Eevee was a comet or a shooting star. Then Eevee landed with a soft thud on it's paws. "What do you think? Do you like it?" I asked

Missing a full stop after "release", "continued", and "asked". "It's" should be "its", with no apostrophe. And this was all badly described. I couldn't imagine it in my head at all. Don't try to squeeze so much information in one paragraph.

"Wow, I'm very impressed. Congrats, I'm sure you'll win the contest" he stated as he tossed to me an orangeish-yellowish rose.

Comma after "contest". "Orangeish-yellowish" is not a word. "Orange-yellow", however, is. And...is Ian a Drew clone?

This Roxanne, over and out!"

Should have an "is" between "This" and "Roxanne". Otherwise, it's...well, no comment.

The students got very excited-and very loud.

Remove the dash.

"The winner of this art contest is-Mai." he concluded, emphasizing on my name.

Remove the dash. Comma instead of a full stop after "Mai". "On" is not needed.

The class clapped for me.I just blushed and took the prize- a notebook and a set of pencils- and went back to my desk.

Space after "me".

Okay, class, since we are nearng Valentine's Day, today's assignment is to write a poem about the special person in your life. This, once again, will be a contest, so do your best." with that, he again shufled to his desk.

"Nearing" instead of "nearng". Capitalize "With".

I wasn't very good at poems, but this time, things came easily. I got something like this:
I loved you and you loved me
That's what everyone could see
But then that day you broke my heart
I felt as if I didn't do my part
I should have stayed with you; kept you safe
Maybe you wouldn't have been in that place
What did I do wrog; I did the best that I could
Now you are gone in something harder than wood
But I still know this true
You love me, and I love you

Make the first sentence its own paragraph. Also, why is the text so small on the poem? And there is an over-abundence with semicolons. The first one could just be a comma, and the last one should be a question mark. "Wrog" should be "wrong".

coordinator's dome.

If you capitalized it earlier in the story, you capitalize it again later in the story.

After art, I met up with May and Drew in the Hall.

Why is "hall" capitalized?

They looked at me confused.
"All right," they said. "How about Mai? won't she feel left out?"

"They looked at me confused" should be with their dialogue, so that means that you could take out "they said", make the comma after "right" a full stop. And capitalize "won't".

"No, she's going to pratice her appeal for the contest after school." I replied

Replace the full stop after "school" with a comma". And place a full stop after "replied".

"Okay, you guys I need your help." I stated, growing even more nervous as I thought about the topic

Replace the full stop after "help" with a comma. And place a full stop after "topic".

"On what?" May and Drew asked, curious

Full stop after "curious".

"On asking May to the Valentine's Dance!" I replied glowing a bright red. Drew smirked proudly.

Replace "May" with "Mai". Add a comma after "replied". And the last sentence goes with the next paragraph.

"So you DO like her! I knew that!" He exclaimed. I smirked back.

"He" should be lower-cased. The last sentence should be with the next paragraph.

And I'm going to stop the grammar review, or else we will be here forever. My advice to you is to proof-read your work before submitting it. It doesn't seem like you did, or else I wouldn't have found as many missing punctuation and misspelled words.

Alarms are going off in my head due to your main characters. Mai is dangerously close to May. The only difference is one letter in their name. They look the same, as you yourself stated. And Ian is coming off as a Drew clone, with the fact that he gave a rose, which is Drew's trademark, to Mai because he likes her. And why did you change Mai's hair color to...silver?

Having her win the art contest and, I'm assuming here, the poem contest, though she isn't good in poetry, is raising alarms as well. And she also won the Pokémon Contest...

Like Yami Ryu said, your chapter is flat, bland, and rushed. You can make it better if you slowed down and described! You have to describe not only the settings, but the characters as well. This doesn't just mean that you tell readers what they look like physically, but also how they act. The reason your characters come off flat is because I see none of their emotions. Emotions make the reader relate to the character. Try it in your next chapter.

Like I said before, try using Microsoft Word or another typing program that has spell-check. Though it can't help you entirely, it will catch all the spelling mistakes that I pointed out to you. And if you use Word, you can type your chapter, save it, and proof-read it later to catch your mistakes, like the missing punctuation. It will make your story that much better.

Try again next chapter, keeping my advice in mind. Like I said, you don't have to get your story out as fast as you can. You should get it out the best that you can.

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Wow.. I never knew I was such a bad writer.. my teacher was going easy on me.... thanks for the mistake error, and Ian is Drew's "older brother" in this fic and let's say that Drew got it from Ian.... no one ever reccomended a color for Mai's hair, cause I thought there was no diverse hair color, besides brown, green "ebony" and... blue, so I added silver! XP I have a question: Who wants me to continue? If you don't want me to, I don't mind.... I am considering to cloe this thread if you guys want me to.... I can't think of a good plot for this fic anyways..... I will go post another fic when this closes.. this was my first fic... I could consider this my "practice fic." What do you think guys?

 

[katiekitten]

Hmm... Maybe close it, think of a plot for a story, any story, and write that? You can't really write a story with no plot.

A good place for practising to write, is to go to the RPG forum. Lady Myuu has a small school there which should help you become better as well. =D The perfect place to practise. =D

You aren't a bad writer, just a beginner. Remember, practise makes perfect. XD

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Thx KatieKitten! But be honest. Do you want me to close this forum?

 

[Astinus]

Practice makes perfect. If you want to try again, and if you think that you will do better with another story, then go for it! I don't want you to give up just because I pointed out grammar mistakes. We all had first stories that weren't good, but we kept on trying.

But, yes. RPGs are a great way to learn how to write. Also, to really learn how to write a great battle, check out the Anime Style Battling section. That is a great learning tool. ^^

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Thanks, I'll try harder, but I need your opinion. Should I put a chapter about the days before the dance, and the crazy events that happened in them, or just the dance entirely?

 

[~ContestChampion~]

Sorry guys, but i'm closing the fic.. -someone cheers in the background- I can't think of a plot... XB